Monday, February 1, 2010

O-69, O-69 - BINGO!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The weekend was pretty good. Beautiful days with clear sunny skies, I got my taxes taken care of (though paid a LOT more than I wanted to have them done thanks to three W-2’s from three different states), made some crab cakes, laundry, helped out at the rec center with the Senior Night Bingo Fundraiser, met some wonderfully sweet elderly ladies (who thought I was 16), saw one of the most beautiful full moons ever with stars all over the sky too, just a pretty good weekend overall, even though I’m a little under the weather since yesterday morning. I’m sure it’s just a 24 hour bug or something. Other than that, not a whole lot to talk about on my behalf…so I guess I’ll just go to the news…

Cash Back Bonus!!! - A Georgia man got more than he bargained for when he bought a car from a towing company late last year. Officials with the Cherokee County Sheriff's Office said Thursday that Tye Kuykendall found $200,000 in counterfeit money inside a hidden compartment behind the back seat of the car. Authorities said Kuykendall bought the car after it sat for more than three years in an impound yard after being towed by Fulton County police in 2006. Authorities said he was fixing a gas leak when he discovered the secret compartment. Cherokee officials have called the U.S. Secret Service to help with the case. You gotta love those drug-runner cars with the secret compartments. I bought a Chevy Beretta when I was a young man (her name was Glory because she was a composite of three Berettas that were red, white & blue) and there were about five different compartments in her from the previous owner. Very handy for additional storage space though, you know like…emergency kits & tools. No, I didn’t stumble upon a few kilos of anything. Apparently the used car lot had cleaned it out…but it’s always a heart-racing surprise. Anyway, just thought I’d share that with you…and reminisce about Glory for a few minutes. Lots of zany little stories of roadtrips in that ride.

Pastor Packs Pistol - The son of a well-known Alcoa, Tennessee pastor has taken out an order of protection against his father, claiming he was threatened with a gun during an argument at a church over his lack of church attendance (I’m sure brandishing a firearm will help). The order of protection was filed by 32-year-old Michael Louis Colquitt against 60-year-old Joe Colquitt, pastor of St. John Missionary Baptist Church. The younger man told police his father pulled out a handgun when they met at the church to discuss church attendance. He told officers his father pointed the gun at him and threatened to kill him, his wife and family…unless he shows up to church. Joe Colquitt declined to comment when contacted by The Daily Times of Maryville. A February 4th hearing was set in Blount County General Sessions Court. You know, this just sounds so bizarre. Threatening someone to go to church? Now, I’m sure it works with threatening to ground a kid or take away their X-Box or something…but pulling a gun on somebody and referring to scriptures? If it didn’t work for Jules Winfield, it’s not going to work for Joe Colquitt. Maybe there’s another angle to this story that the press isn’t releasing. Having watched five seasons of “Supernatural” I know that a few situations can be taken out of context. Maybe the younger Colquitt was possessed by a demon…and the elder had a special gun with silver bullets that can kill anything. Luckily, Sam & Dean stormed in, laid down a Latin ditty & saved them just in the nick of time…and the younger Colquitt’s superhot wife (probably played by Jewel Straite) was grateful…and they sped off in their muscle car to “Heat of the Moment” just before the cops showed up. I know what you’re thinking…and no, I don’t write for that show.

GOOOOOOL!!! – So…some people like soccer…and some people REALLY like soccer. The week when Barcelona thrashed Real Madrid and sealed their place in the Champions League final has prompted a surge in births in the Catalan capital of almost 50%, according to a survey by a local radio station (so it has to be true). Nine months since Barca's 6-2 home win over their arch- rivals and Andres Iniesta's stunning late strike which took them through to the final at the expense of the Chelsea team, maternity hospitals are struggling to cope with demand for beds. A survey by COMRadio showed that births this week and those expected next week are 45% higher than the average. "When we notice some sort of surge we look for the reason and it's evident that the cause of the increase this week is the euphoria of Barca fans thanks to the huge win and Iniesta's goal," El Mundo newspaper quoted Mercedes Rodriguez of the city's Quiron Clinic as saying. The babies are popularly known in Barcelona as "the Iniesta generation." So have you had the awkward conversation with your parents about your conception yet? I know I asked ya a few weeks ago to ask. Don’t worry, I know it’ll be weird…and that’s the point. If you can talk about that, then you can talk about anything. I know certain aspects of mine that I’ve discussed before, like in the backseat of a Ford Mustang Cobra (brown & yellow by the way), and that it was after a long hot exhausting day of Pioneer Day parades & barbecues (hence why my parents were too tired to protect) and nobody seems to recall if there was music…but knowing my dad, it was probably a Pink Floyd tape…or heck, it was probably an 8-track. Maybe it was his Boston 8-track that I still have. Oh man, could I have been conceived to “Foreplay / Long Time” or “More Than A Feeling” or “Amanda”? Yeah, I’m gonna stick with that…and not others in his former collection like Queen, Alice Cooper or BTO. What’s my point? I forget. Oh yeah, wouldn’t it be nice if your story was something like, “Well sweetie, the Raiders had just won the Super Bowl…and I thought I’d do a little raiding of my own. Your mom was a little hesitant at first…but I promised to clean out the garage the following weekend, so she conceded. Nine months later, we had a beautiful baby girl…who we named Marcie…after Marcus Allen.” Okay, that’s a horrible example…but hey, you don’t pay me to make sense. Just trust me, ask your parents about it. It’ll help to prepare when your kids ask you someday…and you know they will, because they’ll probably read my blog.

Fox Update – So, remember those Razzies that I talk about every once in a while? Like the Oscars…but for futility instead of greatness? Well, the latest list of candidates came out…and sadly, Miss Fox made the list TWICE for her acting in “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and “Jennifer’s Body” this past year. The Transformers sequel was nominated for Worst Picture along with Will Ferrell’s “Land of the Lost”, Sandra Bullock's romance "All About Steve" (which I’m sure it wasn’t nearly as great as the name would indicate), the action tale "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" and the Robin Williams-John Travolta comedy "Old Dogs." Bullock earned a worst-actress nomination for "All About Steve" but she's expected to score an Academy Award nomination Tuesday for her hit drama "The Blind Side." "She could be the first person ever to win a Razzie and an Oscar in the same weekend," said John Wilson, founder of the Golden Raspberry Awards, now in their 30th year of singling out Hollywood's low points. Winners will be announced March 6, the night before the Oscars. Razzie voters also are making worst-of-the-decade picks. The worst-picture nominees are Travolta's "Battlefield Earth," Tom Green's "Freddy Got Fingered," Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's "Gigli," Lindsay Lohan's "I Know Who Killed Me" and Madonna's "Swept Away." Affleck and Travolta are up for worst actor of the decade, along with Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers and Rob Schneider. Lohan, Lopez and Madonna are nominated for the decade's worst actress, along with Mariah Carey and Paris Hilton (oddly enough, Lohan’s the only one that would have actress listed first on her resume). Wilson said the worst-actress category probably would come down to Hilton and Lohan, while "Eddie Murphy I would guess would be pretty hard to beat as worst actor of the decade." Razzie 2009 nominees also include Miley Cyrus, her dad Billy Ray, the Jonas Brothers, the cast of “Twilight: New Moon”, Beyonce for “Obsessed” and of course Eddie Murphy for “Imagine That” among others. Even Steve Martin was nominated for “Pink Panther 2.” I think they just have a grudge against Eddie Murphy…but I can’t say much. I haven’t watched a movie of his since “Norbit” and I actually liked it a little. Anyway, you can check out the website to see other nominees for screenwriting and whatever…but it’s mostly the same movies. I don’t think Miss Fox has to worry about winning any Razzies though. She’s not horrible. It’s not her fault that the movies she’s in are…well, usually pretty bad. I’m hoping this next year will bring great fortune for her with “Jonah Hex”, “Passion Play”, “The Crossing” (mmm…smuggling) and “Fathom” but…I think that it’ll all come full circle when she finally gets the opportunity to play Mother Teresa. Oh yeah… It’ll happen.

Anyway, enough of my dream works, still a little under the weather so I’ll call it a day and rest & relax with my Barry White voice. So if any of you ladies want a sexy baritone treat, feel free to gimme a call. Have a great night everybody!!!

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