A Hundred Grand per Second

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the game was great…and the final score that I was telling everybody in the week leading up was off by three points. If only Stover had hit that 51-yarder for the Colts. Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for winning the game…and the city of New Orleans for going completely crazy…and just in time to start Mardi Gras. There will probably be a lot of people that won’t go into work until March. However, you all know that the real reason to watch the Super Bowl…is for the commercials…and this year didn’t disappoint. So here’s a quick rundown of a few of my favorites…

#1 – Motorola – You knew this one was going to get the top spot as soon as it showed up on TV. By halftime, I had a very good buzz going. Made myself a cocktail with vodka & cran-grape juice (quite tasty), and chased buffalo chicken strips with few shots of Jaeger and three high point Heinekens…so when this commercial started, there was a literal spit take. “PFFFFFT!!! Oh my, Megan Fox, a bubble bath & a cell phone, I know where this is going…and I like it.”



It also brought back memories of another Super Bowl commercial that forever shaped my life. It was the winter of my 10th year, a boy who was watching possibly the greatest Super Bowl ever up until that point between the Giants of New York City and the Williams of Buffalo. This was also my first Super Bowl viewed from a projector screen (party hosted by a bunch of cops at a rec center) and the food was fantastic. I was a kid; I remember that kind of stuff. There was a jukebox too…playing a lot of hair bands. Anyway, then this commercial came on…and from that point on, my childhood was over. I was a Man.



#2 – Bud Light – Beer companies are the steady performers of the Super Bowl. Humor, sex appeal, stereotypes of oafish men, you almost forget that it’s about alcohol. Great little collection from Bud Light & Budweiser this year.

#3 – Leno, Oprah, & Letterman – I don’t watch any of the three…but I know the story…and I’m glad that they didn’t have to resort to CGI to get them in the same room at the same time. Who knew Letterman did such a great Leno? “Is it because I’m here?”



Flush It – Taco Bell – This one from one of my favorite fast food places…did not rock. And not just because I heard it from Charles Barkley. Also, I like Tim Tebow…but was thrown off by him tackling his mom. Save it for the field, Wildcat. Also, I love the Who…but you could tell that they hadn’t toured since I was an itch in my daddy’s pants. That’s why these three get the Flush It…because I like them all…and they disappointed me.

Overall: The game was great & I thought the commercials were okay. Who doesn’t love watching Betty White, Abe Vagoda & Tebow’s mom getting knocked on their ass during a timeout? (Still miss Terrible Terry Tate) But the one negative thing overall, was that there really wasn’t anything that was for a noble cause. Nothing really for Haiti relief, nothing for Afrika, and for all the talk about New Orleans rebuilding and how the Saints were playing for them, nothing really saying how you could help other than by yelling “WHO DAT???” with every first down. So much potential to reach so many people…and it was lost. Then again, they did have Megan Fox taking a bubble bath so…who am I to complain? However, aside from the Super Bowl, plenty of people are out there trying to do some good…

Raising Funds – I have never been so proud to be an American, as I was when I read this story. A strip club in Ohio has raised $1,000 for Haitian earthquake relief during what was billed as "Lap dances for Haiti." (It’s okay, I just…have something in my eye) Marilyn's on Monroe in Toledo donated the $10 cover charges collected Saturday to ISOH/IMPACT, an organization based in suburban Perrysburg that provides food and clothing for Haiti. Marilyn's general manager Kenny Soprano says his establishment had been looking for a reason to hold a charity fundraiser even before the quake, as a way to improve its image. He says you don't hear much about strip clubs giving back to the community. ISOH/IMPACT CEO Linda Greene doesn't have a problem with where the money came from. She says her group appreciates any donations to help Haiti. Why can’t there be more fund raisers like this? Casinos donating like 2% of what they would’ve wasted on another tower for the hotel that they’re not gonna fill. I want to help start an organization that has special nights to help raise funds all over the globe, SHARE (Strippers for Help, Aid & Relief Everywhere) – “Changing the World, One Grind at a Time” I know the Wingman would help me in this endeavor. Anybody else want in on the ground floor of this venture? Or more appropriately, the Champagne Room?

You may be thinking, “$teve, I’m not a stripper. I work in an office. How can I help?” Well, once again, the brilliant minds of advertisers & marketers have a great idea, whether they realize it…or not…



Good Deeds Gone Bad – Sometimes trying to help others blows back in your face (see: Crack Whore ex-sister-in-law) and even before you start helping, you KNOW that it’s going to…but you do it anyway. Why? Because you think you’re a decent person…and this time, it’s going to be different. Slovenian police said Wednesday that a man who saved his three dogs from being put down for attacking humans was himself mauled to death by them. "Three dogs bit their 52-year-old owner to death in Ljubljana yesterday," police spokeswoman Maja Adlesic said. Four years ago, the three bullmastiffs attacked and seriously injured a passer-by outside their owner's house. They spent years in custody pending legal hearings, but when one of them attacked a dog handler, authorities ordered them to be put down. Their owner, a doctor, succeeded last June in his legal appeals to get the dogs back, sparking a national controversy. After his death, an opposition party said the agriculture minister should resign for failing to stop the dogs from being released. The dogs attacked the man in his garden Tuesday, killing him before the police arrived. All three dogs were put down following the attack. It really is a sad story. As you know, I’m a huge fan of big dogs. Then again, I’m reminded of one of my favorite stories of good deeds gone bad. Take me in oh tender woman…

That’ll do it for today. I know I’m ending on kind of a sad note…which I hate to do…but I just want you all to look out for one another…and be there for each other in times of need. There’s just too much potential Love in the world for anybody out there for feel alone & disconnected. However, you also have to be careful because there are some real douches and horrible people in the world too…but maybe all they need is a little Love…but they have to earn it. As any woman walking the street can tell you, Love ain’t free…except maybe from Jesus. If any of you are ever feeling down and need someone to talk to, you know how to reach me. Any time of day or night (as some of you are WELL aware) I’ll answer the call. Have a great night everybody!!! Oh…and before I go…