One Big Bowl of Super

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

IT'S SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!! MARKETER'S CHRISTMAS (all those wonderful...and horrible commercials)!!! A day to pig out and watch grown men beat the crap out of each other from a safe distance...and watch it again in instant replay...and at least a week of post-game analysis. Oh yeah, it's gonna be great. The game is evenly matched...and the teams are exciting...but I think the Saints are going to pull it off. Okay, on paper the Colts look like they'll win...but I hope the Saints do. They're my sentimental pick. I love New Orleans. You all know this. Anyway, should be a good game...and I'm sure that tomorrow I'll have a bunch of critiques of all the commercials or something. I've done it before. We'll see if they're worth mentioning. Also, glad that I was able to catch up with Lis and Amelia last night. Thanks ladies. You really made my Saturday night.

The other day, I finally got to see a movie that I've been waiting YEARS for. When the original came out, my first thought was "Who is this guy? And why isn't he an international phenomenon?" Then his next movie came out...and it was one of those "Quentin Tarantino presents..." things that usually leads to that...yet I still feel like I'm the only person that has seen the movie. Now, the sequel to the original...which has been out in Thailand for over a year...has finally hit American shores...and of course, I was first in line on Netflix to get it. So I was finally able to watch... "Ong Bak 2" starring the future of martial arts movies, Tony Jaa. So to test my theory, have ANY of you seen "Ong Bak: Thai Warrior" or "The Protector"? Anyone? Exactly. Well then, I'll focus on this one. The sequel...is COMPLETELY different from the original. Why? They got money to make it...so they turned it into an epic. Set in 1481 in Thailand, it's the story of a young man lost in the wilderness, raised by revolutionaries to become a warrior, and lead them to peace through battle. Okay, we've all heard the story before...and the movie was a fairly good mix of what I like...but also what I despise. On the good side, it's a beautifully shot movie with a certain richness and beauty of the land of Thailand, yet still keeping that it's a murky time in history and really just that there's a lot of money in the production. Also, Tony Jaa kicks ass...but I primarily like the hand-to-hand combat stuff about a thousand times more than the gory swordplay & weapon fights, which this movie was heavy on. The hand-to-hand Muay Thai asskickin' & unbelievable athleticism is what separates Tony Jaa movies from all the others...and they kinda took away from that. The worst part...was the dubbing. Absolutely horrible. I mean...even for a martial arts movie, it was horrible. I checked to see if there was a way to just switch it to subtitles...but not on the Netflix version. Overall, it was okay...and basically set it up for Ong Bak 3 (which is already almost completed) but unless you're a fan of martial arts movies, you're probably not going to give a crap to watch this one.

Last night, I watched another fairly horrible movie that I should get out of the way. It's "Gamer" starring Gerard Butler, Luda & Michael C. Hall. Set in 2034, there's a video game where gamers control death row inmates in a first-person shooter and if they die, they die. If they survive 30 rounds, they get to go free (not sure if that would be a good idea anyway). Anyway, there's a former soldier (Butler) who has become the LeBron James of this game...and the billionairre inventor (Hall) of the system has his reservations about letting him go free...and blah blah blah. Basically, it's a really bad premise, predictable (except for Terry Crews singing a Pinocchio song & Michael C. Hall going all Sammy Davis) and just gory & nonsensical really. I didn't care for it at all.

However, there was a great movie that I would highly recommend that I saw this week too. It's "(500) Days of Summer" starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Zooey Deschanel. It's the story of a young man (Levitt) who writes greeting cards...and believes in Love like in the movies. Well, he meets a coworkers named Summer (Deschanel) who is beautiful, funny, sweet...and completely cynical & unattached with the concept of Love. Well, they hang out as friends...and as it progresses, he wonders if it's something more than friends...but then they break up...and he looks back and tries to find out where it went wrong. I really liked this movie...because I saw a LOT of myself in this character. He's funny, a gentleman, a hopeless romantic, has a job that specializes in warm fuzzy feelings but has a background in analytical thought & a poetic heart, has a tendency to focus on the good & forget about the bad, especially when it comes to relationships, except I like to think I have more balls. Anyway, the movie is clever, touching, funny, and don't be swayed by the fact that it's starring Cobra Commander and the chick from "The Happening", two of the worst movies of the past few years. This is a good one...and you get to look at Zooey Deschanel for a few hours. You can't not like that. Adorable. The soundtrack's pretty amazing too. Now for the news...

The Alba Makeover - A Chinese woman is seeking extensive plastic surgery to look like actress Jessica Alba, mainly because she hopes to win back her boyfriend who she said always wished she looked more like the Hollywood star (sounds like a douche). The 21-year-old, who would only give her name as Xiaoqing (pronounced...forget it), said she was devastated after she broke up with her lover Douche, an ardent fan of the actress who has starred in hit movies such as "Fantastic Four" and "Into the Blue." Xiaoqing, who works at an Internet firm in Shanghai, said that during their 18-month-long relationship, her 28-year-old boyfriend had been obsessed with Alba, adorning their apartment with her photographs and talking about her constantly (obsessive douche). She said that while her boyfriend had not forced her to look like Alba, he always hinted that the wanted her to resemble his favorite star and even bought her a blonde wig to wear (creepy obsessive douche). A month ago, Xiaoqing left her boyfriend, whom she did not name (it's okay, I did), because his Alba obsession became too much for her. But now she says she can't get over the break-up and wants him back. "When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was very sad," she told Reuters at the Shanghai Time Plastic Surgery Hospital which has agreed to help her fulfill her wish. "My friends... kept consoling me but it did not work, so they suggested I do plastic surgery to look like her (Jessica Alba)." The hospital said Xiaoqing would need multiple surgeries to alter her eyes and nose so that they would resemble Alba's. They also agreed to do it for free to showcase their surgery skills (wow, usually only the first one's free). Hospital director Jiang Shan said he had personally spoken to Xiaoqing and advised her to think seriously about the procedure. "If she wants to look much better than she does now, for example if she wants her skin to look smoother and her overall facial facade to look more beautiful, I think we are able to help her fulfill her wishes. But if she wants to totally look like Jessica Alba, I would think she is still not confident of herself and that she needs to solve this problem psychologically." (I'm gonna call this guy, Doctor Douche, no relation) Shortly after the break-up, Xiaoqing posted a comment on a local web forum asking for help to win her boyfriend back. She said that despite the many bloggers who advised her against having cosmetic surgery, she was keen on it.(Seriously, even bloggers were telling you not to do it...and they say some stupid sh*t) "As a member of the younger generation in this country, I have a choice to decide what I want in life. I have never been able to let him go. If in the end he still does not accept me after I undergo the plastic surgeries, I will give up. I will then choose to let go, start afresh and live life by myself," she added. Xiaoqing said she would speak to her mother, who lives in Hubei province, while visiting home during the annual lunar new year holiday before making a final decision. The hospital said it was not unusual for young women such as Xiaoqing to undergo cosmetic surgery to look like celebrities. The government estimates billions of yuan are spent each year by Chinese on plastic surgery, which is seen by many as a way to boost job or marriage prospects in a highly competitive society. Sigh... I just don't get it. A beautiful girl who wants to f**k that all up for some douche who doesn't deserve her? Why am I single? If I'm going out with a girl...and she wants me to look like Brad Pitt or something (moreso than I already do), am I going to go through an expensive procedure to chisel up my face, shorten my stature & slim up my penis? No. If she don't want me, she don't want me. I'm healthy, I'm a catch-and-a-half, and there's plenty more girls out there who aren't bat crackers crazy (allegedly). If your lover wants you to do something dangerous, then it's probably in your best interest to drop it like it's hot. Also, that advice has nothing to do with this situation, the guy's a douche, the chick's crazy, hell they're pretty much perfect for each other but yeah, that's the world we live in these days, I guess.

Anyway, there's a few more hours of pregame before the official pregame, then the real game, followed by the post game, so I should make sure everything's ready. Honey barbecue chicken strips, pack of Heinekens, bag of doritos with questionable cheese sauce, bottles of liquor for experimentation if the game gets boring, checkity check check. "I call this concoction Nyquil, because it goes down smooth and you'll sleep like a baby until after noon. It's a mixture of Jaeger, Midori, Peppermint Schnapps...ugh, what else do I have in the fridge here? Oh vodka. What's that? Oh vanilla extract. Why not?" Have a great day everybody!!! Enjoy the game!!!