Beware La Barbie!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Work’s busy. That is all. Back to Rhonda in the news center…

Barbie Update – Why am I showing a picture of a dude when this is a Barbie update? The Texas-born fugitive known as "the Barbie" grinned Tuesday as police paraded him in handcuffs and described his alleged life of luxury and savagery — cut short when he became the third suspected drug lord to fall in Mexico in the past 10 months in a coup for President Felipe Calderon's war on cartels. Edgar Valdez Villarreal, is a former Texas high school football player who allegedly jumped into the world of Mexican drug cartels and gradually rose through the ranks. He got his improbable nickname for his green eyes and fair complexion, is wanted in the U.S. for allegedly smuggling tons of cocaine. In Mexico, he is blamed for a brutal turf war that has included bodies hung from bridges, decapitations and shootouts as he and a rival fought for control of the divided Beltran Leyva cartel. As he was displayed to reporters on Tuesday, he still wore the green polo shirt in which he was captured the day before. He shifted his weight and smiled often as police described a high-flying and violent life. Security forces had been closing in on Valdez for over a year. Their biggest breakthrough was the death of his boss, Arturo Beltran Leyva, in a December shootout with marines, Federal Police Commissioner Facundo Rosas said at the news conference. The arrest of several of Valdez' allies, U.S. intelligence tips and other sources provided evidence that Valdez had left his home of 10 years in the resort of Acapulco — where he owned at least one posh bar that was raided in 2009 — to lead a lower-profile life in wealthy neighborhoods of Mexico City, Rosas said. Mexican security officials began getting hits on Valdez's whereabouts six weeks ago and approached U.S. officials for help, according to U.S. law enforcement officials in Washington, who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the case They said intelligence from U.S. agents helped lead to his arrest. "We were on his heels for the last six weeks, receiving tips, but Mexican law enforcement would show up and they would miss him. He was feeling the heat of Mexican law enforcement," one of the officials said. Mexican federal police nearly nabbed Valdez during a raid in an upscale neighborhood of the Mexican capital on Aug. 8. He got away, Rosas said, but police found clues there that led them to a woody weekend getaway just outside the city where he was finally caught Tuesday by an elite squad of federal police trained abroad. His U.S. lawyer, Kent Schaffer, said Valdez's girlfriend and her mother were both arrested in recent Mexican operations, he said. "This has been going on for quite a while. They raided several of his homes. They detained his girlfriend's mother at one of his homes about three weeks ago," Schaffer told The Associated Press. "So you figure it's just a matter of a time." Valdez and four other people — described by police as Valdez's inner security circle — were pulling into the driveway when they were arrested, Rosas said in an interview with MVS radio. Although he had two guns and a grenade launcher (wow), Valdez didn't resist because police "never gave him the opportunity," Facundo said. Another of his associates with killed during a shootout with police outside a shopping mall in the city. Facundo said Valdez was found with three unostentatious compact cars — evidence that he had tried to lay low as security forces hunted him. Calderon called Valdez "one of the most-wanted criminals in Mexico and abroad" in a Tweet. He vowed that authorities will continue to chase the rest of his gang. Valdez, 37, was charged in May in U.S. District Court in Atlanta with distributing thousands of pounds of cocaine from Mexico to the eastern U.S. from 2004 to 2006. U.S. authorities had offered a reward of up to $2 million for information leading to his capture, and the Mexican government offered a similar amount. But Facundo said security forces nabbed Valdez on their own, and there would be no reward. Mexican authorities had not decided on any extradition plans. Schaffer said Valdez is an illegal immigrant in Mexico and could be deported (see? They’d do the same thing to us). "He was born and raised in Texas. His family's here. There's no Mexican citizenship at all," Schaffer told The Associated Press. "Mexico may not be so eager to hand him over, but it would be the smartest thing for Mexico to do politically." Facundo said deportation was a possibility but that police would prefer that he first face justice in Mexico for several dozen murders he is suspected to be behind. However, he said the final decision would be up to the federal Attorney General's Office. Schaffer said Valdez' safety could be compromised in a Mexican prison. "I'm sure there's a whole lot of people that are hoping that he would have been killed rather than captured," he said. Anyway, enough about living the life of drug-bought luxury, what would it be like to be known as “La Barbie” in a Mexican drug cartel. You have to be tough with a nickname like that. It’s not quite as menacing as… even something like “El Guapo” or “El Tortuga” or… “El Mariachi” or something? “They call him El. It means ‘The” in Spanish.” Oh… can’t wait for Danny Trejo to get a chance to star in “Machete”, it’s been far too long in the making. Where was I? Oh yeah, coming soon, Matt Damon is… La Barbie.

Hair Worth A Million – Something else fairly effeminate from a normally masculine district, American football star Troy Polamalu has a price on his head -- with an anti-dandruff shampoo brand taking out a $1 million insurance policy on his trademark mane of black ringlets (he’s Samoan so it’s a sign of manhood). Head & Shoulders said on Monday it had taken a $1 million Lloyd's of London policy on the locks of Pittsburgh Steelers' Polamalu, the Super Bowl-winning safety. Polamalu, 29, who was born in the United States but is of Samoan descent, says he has not cut his hair since 2000. He has been a spokesman for the Procter & Gamble Co brand for two years (with some of the most… let’s say, sexually questionable commercials of all time). "They've created the first ever insurance policy to protect his iconic mane for the entire NFL season," Procter & Gamble said in a statement. Polamalu, a five-time Pro Bowl selection, suffered some injuries last year but is back in the game and expected to be the backbone of his side's defense this season. His hair has come under attack on the field before, with Larry Johnson of the Chiefs tackling Polamalu by the hair in a 2006 game, but no details were given of exactly what damage to his hair would trigger a claim on the insurance policy. Split ends? Perhaps the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field effecting his shimmer? Just an interesting little bit of sports & fashion coming together. You’re welcome, ladies.

Marilyn Update – So… remember about a month ago when I was joking about a distinguished English actress like Judi Dench reading the Kama Sutra book-on-tape? Well, this story's pretty close too. Dame Judi Dench has signed on to the Marilyn Monroe semi-biopic "My Week With Marilyn" reports The Daily Mail. The story is based on a diary by Colin Clark, a young actor who worked for Laurence Olivier when the veteran actor shepherded Marilyn Monroe around London while she shot "The Prince and the Showgirl". Kenneth Branagh (“Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein”) and Michelle Williams (“Shutter Island”) are set to play Olivier and Monroe respectively, and Simon Curtis directs the project. Dench would play actress Sybil Thorndike, a fellow Dame who played the dowager queen in the film and one of the few people on the set who understood and got on with Monroe (whoa, wait, what? Oh, “got on” as in “got along” not “got it on” with Monroe). Dench will start shooting her scenes on September 20th, two weeks prior to the main body of the shoot. This is being done to accommodate Dench’s commitment to James Madden’s "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel", which has nothing to do with “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” so I’m told. So yeah… be careful what you wish for, right?

Cusack as Poe - John Cusack (“2012” & “1408”) has revealed through his Twitter account that he's set to play legendary writer Edgar Allan Poe. "officiali- will play edgar allen poe in fall-a-film called the raven, send any poe- gold - my way as i begin this journey into the abyss" says the tweet. By the way, f**king tweets, am I right? Have some respect for grammar and penmanship. The only excuse is if he sent that while driving down the PCH with a hooker snorting coke off his grosse point blanke. Anyway, at last report, James McTeigue ("V for Vendetta") would direct the project which re-imagines the author as something of a mid-19th century profiler who joins the hunt for a serial killer whose murders are inspired by his stories (as opposed to the incredibly depressing story of the writer’s life). The film's setting takes place during the final week leading up to Poe's death in 1849, during which the author essentially vanished for several days with no account of his whereabouts (like all superheroes). He was found wandering the streets of Baltimore in great distress and repeating the name Reynolds (Burt?) before dying several days later in hospital. Hannah Shakespeare (I’m assuming no relation to Billy Shakespeare) and Ben Livingston penned the screenplay. Sounds like something I would watch. Big fan of the writings of Poe… and Cusack rarely makes me long for Death’s sweet embrace… so yeah, good luck with that sir.

That’ll do it for today. Not a whole lot going on for the next few days, but that’s good because I need to catch up on chores. This weekend should be pretty fun though with the Rib Cook-Off and Bubbles’ visit… and then the following weekend should be EPIC as I go back to the homeland to check on the Compound… er, family back in Utah. Have a great day everybody!!!

I'm A Peacock... and I Need to Fly

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This weekend was pretty fun. So… I did go to Reno on Saturday, with every intention of getting in a HUGE tomato fight. However, despite information sent to me saying that this event was on Saturday, the event was actually to take place on Sunday around 3 PM. I found this out while wandering about downtown Reno at the street festival, and in all honesty, not a bad place to wander around at daytime. Here are some pictures of the “River District” during the day… and here’s a link to some night pictures from before…

So instead of a food fight, I went to see “The Other Guys” starring Marky Mark & Will Ferrell. For those who haven’t seen the preview, this movie is from the guys who brought you classics like “Old School” and it’s about being New York City cops. Some guys get all the glory, while other guys do the paperwork & investigation behind the scenes. Well, when two of the NYPD’s best suffer fairly hilarious deaths (Samuel L Jackson & the Rock… and yes I still call him the Rock for the same reason that I call Mark Wahlberg Marky Mark or Calvin Broadus Snoop D-O-double gizzle, if I meet the gentlemen & they wish it so, I’ll change my ways) then it’s up to two other cops to take over (Wahlberg & Ferrell). Now, this movie was hilarious throughout as you might expect. Marky Mark is his usual hilarious bad boy, Will Ferrell is comic genius (as he often is), Eva Mendes is too hot for TV, even Steve Coogan (“Hamlet 2”) does a pretty good job as the straight-faced sarcastic British swindler. I don’t want to give anything away… but Dr Love & Gator think you should go check this movie out.

Sunday, I went to a birthday / going away party for a few coworkers… and was basically there from 11 AM to about 10:30 PM drinking beer, eating burgers & deviled eggs, jamming with musicians, and having a fantastic time. My roommate went with me… and he even stayed longer than I did (had work in the morning & it was stumbling distance back to the apartment). The weekend was kinda cold & gloomy, which was bound to happen because it’s been pretty much perfect since Memorial Day Weekend but yeah, yesterday was coat weather… and we got some snow in the mountains… and yes, it’s late August and there was healthy amounts of frost on Gretchen this morning. It should warm up later into the week, which is awesome… because Bubbles is going to come visit this next weekend for a night while she picks up her car & Brutis in SLC and drives them to her new home in San Fran. It’s about time that she comes to check this place out… but yeah, really looking forward to showing this place off again. Anyway, here’s the news…

Hottest First Lady Update – You know, I like to give people the benefit of a doubt from time to time. I’m a pretty easy going guy. I hear about places like Iran and how they treat people and say it’s how their god tells them to live… and I think, “Okay, you’ve got your ways, we have ours and we’ll just agree to disagree” or something like that. You make threats against other nations during your political speeches, and I kinda see that like Obama saying something during his political speech. I don’t expect it to ever come true… because you’re playing to your crowd. I get it. However, when you start talking about world leader’s wives and/or mamas, that’s where I draw the line. On that note, Iranian state media called France’s first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, a "prostitute" on Monday in an unusual attack on the wife of a world leader that shows deep anger over her support for an Iranian woman who faced death by stoning on an adultery conviction (seen here). The wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy has condemned the stoning sentence against Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, which Iran temporarily suspended but did not throw out after an international outcry. Ashtiani, a 43-year-old mother of two, could still face execution by stoning or hanging after a final review of her case, her lawyer, Javid Houtan Kian, told The Associated Press Monday. The Kayhan newspaper, whose editor is a representative of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, described Bruni-Sarkozy as a "prostitute" on Saturday in an article headlined "French prostitutes enter the human rights uproar." Oh yes, he did. The state-owned news website inn.ir carried similar remarks on Monday. "Although Bruni, the morally corrupt singer and actress of Italian (origin), was able to break the Sarkozy family and marry the French president, lately new reports have emerged about her affair with a singer," said the weekend report in Kayhan. That appeared to be a reference to rumors of infidelity in her marriage that Bruni-Sarkozy dismissed in April as "insignificant." The rumors have since died down. The French president's office declined Monday to comment on the remarks in Iranian media. The media attack was in response to an open letter Bruni-Sarkozy wrote to Ashtiani that was printed in several French news outlets last week. "How to remain silent after learning of the sentence against you?" Bruni-Sarkozy wrote, adding that the stoning would "deeply wound all women, all children, all those who have feelings of humanity." "Deep within your jail cell, know that my husband will plead your cause tirelessly and that France will not abandon you," she wrote. Ashtiani was convicted in May 2006 of having an "illicit relationship" with two men after the murder of her husband and was sentenced to 99 lashes. Later that year, she was convicted of adultery and sentenced to be stoned, even though she retracted a confession she claims was made under duress. Iran last month stayed her stoning, but authorities now say she has also been convicted of being an accomplice in her husband's murder. In a purported confession aired on state TV early this month, Ashtiani admits to unwittingly playing a role in the 2005 killing. She could also face a separate death sentence in that case. Her lawyer denies Ashtiani was ever charged with murder or brought to trial in her husband's killing. Protesters in cities across the globe have denounced the stoning sentence. About 300 people from rights organizations demonstrated in Paris Saturday to urge Iran to lift her death sentence. "The stoning verdict has only been delayed, not halted," Kian, Ashtiani's lawyer, said in a telephone interview Monday. The woman's previous lawyer, who brought the case to the world's attention in his blog, fled the country and received asylum in Norway after Iranian authorities began to pressure him and his family. Kian said he, too, was coming under pressure. He said authorities broke into his home Sunday. "Intelligence agents beat the guard of the residential complex where I live and broke into my home in my absence. They took my computer, which contained the files of my clients, including Ashtiani." Kian said authorities have stopped him and Ashtiani's two children from meeting her ever since her purported confession. "Authorities say I'm banned from meeting my client. And they have told Ashtiani's two children that their mother didn't want to see them.” That’s it. Call the world’s hottest first lady a “prostitute” and then keep a mama from her babies? NUKE EM!!! Too bold? Maybe a bit of an overreaction? Again, you’re entitled to your opinion… and I respect that. Perhaps turning the Kingdom of Iran into a giant piece of glass may not be the most diplomatic solution… but at the very least we can turn this into a game of “Yo Mama” or something. “Yo mama’s so stupid that when she heard a woman was getting stoned to death for allegedly getting her freak on, she brought her hookah.” Okay, it’s not the best… but that’s why we have speech writers for Obama. “Your mother… is so old… that her birth certificate… says that she was born… in Mesopotamia.” Come on, that’s historically hysterical, you gotta give me that… and I love the image of Obama resorting to childish name-calling like everybody else in politics. It’d be sweet… and sad at the same time.

Bellucci Update – Speaking of French superhotties, husband-and-wife acting team Vincent Cassel (“Brotherhood of the Wolf”) and Monica Bellucci (“Shoot Em Up”) are teaming up for a ninth film together according to Cassel. In an interview with USA Today via The Playlist, the actor revealed that he would produce and star alongside his wife in a romantic comedy set during Carnival Rio de Janeiro (how can we make this sexier? Hmm…). The last time pair acted with each other onscreen was "Secret Agents" in 2004. Shooting is scheduled to take place sometime in 2012. Yeah, that’s all. It gives me an excuse to put up a picture of Monica Bellucci’s gorgeous Fritalian figure. Don’t judge me. I’m just spreading the knowledge.

German Hangover – Most people feel pretty tough when they’ve had a few to drink. Hell, the Irish base their whole culture upon it. I’m pretty sure they elect officials by rounds of shots until a winner is crowned. However, you may have to rethink how amazingly awesomely bad-ass you are while under the influence from now on. Why? A Polish man living in Germany (a little ballsy right there, he’s probably Jewish too) went about his business for about five years without noticing he had been shot in the head… because like all good stories, he was drunk when it happened. Police in the western city of Bochum said on Tuesday doctors found a .22 caliber bullet in the back of his head after the 35-year-old went to have what he thought was a cyst removed. Presented with the 5.6mm projectile, the man recalled he had received a blow to the head around midnight at a New Year's party "in 2004 or 2005," but had forgotten about it because he had been "very drunk," a police spokesman said. "He told us he remembered having a sore head, but that he wasn't really one for going to the doctor," the spokesman said. Repeat: The man was shot in the head… but didn’t think he should go to a doctor… because hospitals are apparently for Nancies. The wound later healed around the bullet and it was not until the man decided to have the lump examined due to recurring pains that the discovery was made. Police said they were not treating the incident as suspicious as the bullet might have got lodged in the man's head when a reveler fired a gun in celebration (“NEW YEAR’S POP!!!”). "It may have been a shot fired up in the air which entered his head on the way down," the spokesman said. The resident of Herne, who has lived in Germany for several years, was expected to be released from hospital later this week after the bullet was removed on Friday, police said. Still think you’re hot sh*t in a champagne glass? I thought so…

Do Not Read Hungry - In the remote Serbian mountain village of Ozrem, they're cooking up delicacies to make your mouth water… or your stomach churn. At the seventh annual World Testicle Cooking Championship, visitors watch (and sometimes taste) as teams of chefs cook up bull, boar, camel, ostrich and even kangaroo testicles. "This festival is all about fun, food and bravery," said Ljubomir Erovic, the Serbian chef and testicles gourmand specialist (not the greatest title ever) who organizes the bizarre cooking festival and has published a testicle cookery book (entitled “Hors d’ouevres for Your Balls”?). The food — politely called "white kidneys" in Serbian — is believed to be rich in testosterone. In the Balkans, it is considered to help men's libido (probably because the secret ingredient… is a man’s libido). "The bulls' testicles are the best, goulash style," said last year's winner Zoltan Levai, stirring a metal pot heated by a wood fire and filled with vegetables and large testicles that he said were provided from a state-run slaughter house (I’m guessing without consent from the owners). The festival included dishes like testicle pizza and testicles in béchamel sauce flavored with a variety of herbs found in the region. Visitors eat the dishes with plenty of wine or beer (of course), and cool themselves in a small mountain river that flows beside the makeshift cooking stands blasting folk music. The stalls also sell roasted pig or lamb, "as a side dish". "I came here last year, and decided to come back," said Anna Wexler, an Israeli citizen originally from New York who's now a member of the festival's jury & obviously loves the taste of testicles in her mouth. "It was delicious. There was testicle moussaka, goulash, stallion, boar, bull and many other things." The festival also gives prizes to those who have made the news for being "ballsy". This year one of the unsuspecting winners is U.S. President Barack Obama (without even having to talk about Iranian mothers yet). "He's the bravest man in the world," said Erovic. "Obama took over the world at the most difficult economic and political times. He showed he has balls." The other prize went to American pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger who last year glided a passenger jet into the Hudson River in New York rather than risk crashing in a densely populated area trying to reach an airport. I really like this festival. I’m an adventurous eater (as you may have heard me talk about China before). Would I try some of the delicacies at this festival? Exactly how much beer & wine is readily available? Besides, it’s all about the sauces and how it’s prepared. Escargots is f**king snails in garlic sauce… and that’s delicious. For some reason I don’t see this being featured on the Food Network… but I could definitely see it as an episode of Man vs. Food. “Today’s challenge is what the locals call ‘white kidney beans’ and all I have to do is eat a dozen of these things in 30 minutes or less. I’m a little skeptical though… because these things don’t look like beans… more like matzaballs or something… but I’m told they’re this town’s specialty.” Fast forward a few minutes later, “Hmm, these have an interesting texture and flavor to them. What kind of sauce are these marinated in? It’s like a… salty cream sauce.” “Is called… man-aisse.” “I’m thinking the meat is some kind of beef but… wait, did you say… HOOOOAH!!!” And this is where the show turns into Jackass 3D… coming this fall.

This Week in Yayo – Speak of white substance found in meaty packages, a Massachusetts man was arrested after a kilogram of cocaine hidden inside a hollowed-out chunk of bologna was delivered to his home. Holyoke police said they were tipped off by postal inspectors in Puerto Rico who had been investigating similar shipments (“This bologne’s f**king AWESOME!!!”). A dog confirmed the presence of drugs and the bologna was cut open. The meat was then repackaged and an undercover postal inspector delivered it to a Holyoke address at about 4:45 p.m. Thursday. A woman sitting on the front steps signed for it. Police then executed a search warrant and arrested a 30-year-old man on a cocaine trafficking charge. Police said the cocaine had a street value of $100,000. The investigation is ongoing. I can kind of see the logic in shipping cocaine in meat… because the dogs will allegedly bark at it anyway… but that’s not true. The dogs are trained to bark at the presence of drugs only. How do I know this? My dad was a K-9 cop when I was growing up. Just FYI. Those drug smugglers aren’t dummies though. They’re getting craftier everyday.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Hopefully you got that awful taste out of your mouth from earlier. This week should be pretty laid back, though I may be going to the Great Western Rib Cook-Off Thursday night, and Bubbles is visiting this weekend, so that should be awesome… and then the following weekend, I make my triumphant return to the homeland of Slick City to be amongst my kin and recharge my batteries a bit. Watched “Forrest Gump” this past weekend… and it’s truly one of my favorite movies ever. I can’t tell you how many times I think I’m just an extremely slow-witted man just kind of drifting through what the world throws at me… but I’m lucky enough to be around people that I love and meet new interesting characters along the way. Thank you all so much for being awesome!!! Have a great night everybody!!!

More Signs of the Apocalypse

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Last night, I hung out with Pork Chop at his new place in Tahoe Donner… and it’s pretty nice. A little far away from work in stuff which would be a pain in the winter… but yeah, very nice. We had a few beers, talked about this and that, being a fellow Eagles fan he was a little pissed that I’m going to the Eagles-49ers game… but even more pissed that it was on his birthday, 10/10/10. That was going to be his birthday / housewarming party for the place & he wanted me to be there… but oh well, next time I’m sure. We’re actually gonna head over to Reno for the Great Western Rib Cook-Off next week, followed by some bowling, so that should be fun. Oh, also, Pork Chop’s roommate made us some WONDERFUL salmon with ginger slivers, grilled squash & zucchini, and some potatoes for dinner. That’s living.

The other night, I watched “Youth in Revolt” starring Michael Cena, Ray Liotta, Fred Willard and… Michael Cena again. Now, I don’t understand the appeal of Michael Cena (or his doppelganger Jesse Eisenberg) but hey, he’s only mildly amusing to me at best, usually irritating. Yeah, I’m rooting for The World in that Scott Pilgrim movie that just came out. Anyway, this movie is about a teenager (Cena) who meets a lovely interesting girl, falls in love (in his eyes), and then has to move back to Oakland. Now he wants to move back to be with her… utilizing various schemes created by his evil & suave alternate persona Francois (also Cena), which includes everything from lying to vandalizing to manipulation to spreading unfounded rumors to burning down half of Berkeley. Spoiler alert: It is kinda funny at some points… but in the end, I was just kind of sitting there like “So… wait, what? If I’m a persistent felon offender, then I get the girl in the end? That’s what I’m doing wrong?” So… yeah, check it out if you like Michael Cena. You see plenty of his awkwardness. Then again, maybe my final thought on the movie wasn’t completely unfounded…

Do-Gooders Shunned like Moochers - The fact that groups of people typically choose to expel selfish individuals is no surprise. But new research suggests such troops often want to kick out generous members as well. This counterintuitive behavior could be rooted in how such giving people make others feel bad, or simply in how they stand out from the crowd, researchers suggest. Initially, psychologists were investigating if groups would tolerate individuals who contributed little toward group endeavors but also mooched little of the subsequent payoffs. The researchers told 104 college students they were each in groups of five, in which each member interacted via computer. In reality the other four members were played by the computer -- three of the programmed members made consistently moderate choices, while the fourth typically made more extreme decisions. Each group member was given 10 points. The students were told they could invest as many of the points as they wanted into a bank, and were told how much the other members invested. The number of points in the bank was then doubled, and each member could then choose to harvest up to a fourth of the points in the bank. Any leftover points were then doubled, and the process started over again for several rounds. The students were told that at the end, the points would be converted to tickets in a lottery for coupons to campus eateries. At the end of this experiment, four students were selected at random to get food coupons. When asked whether they would like members to stay or leave the group, as expected the volunteers wanted to expel selfish moochers who invested little but harvested much, while they were indifferent to those who invested as much as they harvested. Surprisingly, however, generous members proved as unpopular as the bad apples. Puzzled, the scientists ran the experiment twice more, asking volunteers if they thought generous members were either confused or simply behaving randomly. In general, people don't like dealing with either incompetent or unpredictable individuals, and thus might want such members to leave the group, the psychologists reasoned. However, these studies not only replicated the initial findings, but also ruled out incompetence and unpredictability as reasons for the volunteers' common desire to kick out selfless members. Now fascinated, the researchers conducted the experiment once more, this time asking volunteers why they wanted to kick out members who gave to the public good while asking little in return. Nearly two-thirds of the time, the students essentially said such generosity made them feel as if they fell short by comparison. They said, "He makes us all look bad," for instance, or "People would ask why we can't be like him." About one-third of the time, the volunteers wanted to kick selfless members out apparently because they just deviated from the norm. They said, "This would be OK if someone else in the group was being like this, but no one is so it's wrong," for instance, or "I probably would have been OK with him if I hadn't seen everyone else's choices and saw that he was so different. He's too different from the rest of us." A few of the remaining miscellaneous reasons students gave suggested suspicion of some ulterior motive. They said, "I'll bet later on she or he would stop giving so much and would start taking more," for instance, or "This person probably wants us all to start taking less so they can come in and take a lot more and get more than us." These new findings fit in with past studies revealing that people often dislike exceptional competence or offers of help. This might stem from a competitive desire to do at least as well as whoever is setting the standard, leading to a drive to iron out differences between members of a group, even at the group's overall expense. In other words, although generous members might objectively benefit the group, subjectively others may see them as a problem. The selfless people in question likely find this lack of appreciation rather surprising, the researchers added. An interesting next step is to look at the reactions of generous people toward such rejection. They may spurn these groups and dubbing them ingrates, reduce their selflessness to fit the norms, or perhaps even increase their generosity if they see their efforts as important, the researchers noted. Study researcher Craig Parks, a social psychologist at Washington State University, and his colleagues now want to see what conditions might help keep such generous members in the group. "If we accept that chasing such generous people away is objectively not a good idea, are there things we can try and do to encourage others to not worry so much about whether this person seems to be behaving fairly or unfairly, or violating social norms," Parks said. "How can we build tolerance of people who behave like this?" When asked, Parks noted this "biting the hand that feeds them" behavior could represent a kind of problem that people have trouble reasoning their way through, much as they do at times with logical fallacies or statistical puzzles such as the Monty Hall problem. "It could have to do with some kind of flawed reasoning about the world," Parks said. Parks and his colleague Asako Stone detailed their findings online Aug. 5 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, since I know you want to read more on this. Anyway, just an interesting little study that I found kind of perplexing… you know, kind of seeing myself as a shunned do-gooder in some ways. Some people just don’t trust you… no matter how much you do for them or how worthy of their trust you are. Just part of the human condition, I guess. Oh well… we’ll see how that all plays out once the Apocalypse comes…

Apocalypse Update - A 79-year-old Sheboygan, Wisconsin woman who couldn't find any help when a rattlesnake showed up on her patio said it was no big deal taking matters into her own hands. Margaret Street said she used an ice chopper to kill the snake with three cuts behind the head. She made some calls hoping to find someone who could help her. She said when that failed she killed the snake because she was afraid it could hurt someone at a nearby elementary school. Dale Katsma, with the state Department of Natural Resources, said the massasauga rattlesnake is endangered in Wisconsin, but photos suggest this was a prairie rattlesnake, which isn't endangered or native to the area. He told The Sheboygan Press the snake may have been aboard a train bringing materials to a local salvage yard. Regardless of what you believe, the snakes are commuting now. Hitching rides on trains, going to places they shouldn’t logically be, for God’s sake, we’re talking about rattlesnakes in Wisconsin. That’s like finding an alligator in… well, Wisconsin. You may be saying, “$teve, you’re crazy. Why would a rattlesnake travel hundreds of miles just to take out an elderly lady in America’s Dairyland?” Because she knew how to fight back. Maybe that’s part of their master plan, to take out those who know how & aren’t afraid to fight back. Think about it. With them gone, what would the rest of mankind do? Piddle in their pants and just wait to be devoured. Not on my watch, b**ch! “$teve, you’re nuckin’ futz! Not only is the idea of snakes, bears & other woodland creatures trying to overthrow the human race a completely idiotic idea… but there is certainly no way that they are communicating and formulating some kind of master plan in doing so. Your logic is flawed. Good day sir.”

Snake Takes Out Hospital – I’m sorry, you were saying something derogatory about my warning? Oh, you’re done now? Great! A snake slithered into a switch box outside a New York hospital, where it met its maker… but also caused a 10-hour power outage. Officials at Vassar Brothers Hospital in Poughkeepsie, New York say backup generators kicked on Tuesday afternoon when a common-variety snake got into the switch box and disrupted the hospital's main power supply. Workers found the dead snake inside the box. Hospital officials say there were no patient care disruptions caused by the outage, which lasted from 3 p.m. Tuesday to 1 a.m. Wednesday. Some emergency room cases had to be diverted to other hospitals. While squirrels and other small animals have been known to get into electrical equipment and cause outages, a utility spokesman says it's the first time he's heard of a snake doing it. So to recap, one single solitary snake… took out an entire New York hospital… for ten full hours. Scared yet? Perhaps not this time. They were able to divert the sick & wounded to another nearby hospital temporarily… but what if when IT goes down, and their coordinated attack leaves our hospital powerless, and there’s no other hospital to go to… then what? I wouldn’t be surprised if they found remnants of explosives when this happens again. Oh yes, I’m talking about serpentine suicide bombers. Traveling underground, taking out power lines, phone lines, gas lines, fence lines, hisssssssssssss-BOOM!!! Who’s crazy now? What’s your “logical” explanation? The snake was cold, or attracted to the vibrations from the circuit breaker’s electric current, found it’s way in there & completed a circuit setting itself ablaze and causing the outage? Yeah, because the logical thing to do when you’re cold is stick your finger in the power socket. Yeah, that’s less crazy than my idea. It’s okay, I forgive you for criticizing me. You’re still not scared?

Throw In Some Dragons – For centuries, the largest lizards in the world, the Komodo Dragons, have been completely isolated on the islands of the South Pacific so that they won’t rip humans limb from limb in ravenous hordes with their diseased jaws. These things are HUGE!!! Like alligators that can run 20 MPH plus in packs… like four-legged raptors. Luckily though, they’ve been contained to these islands… until I read this article. Twenty-two Komodo dragons have hatched at the Los Angeles Zoo this month, giving a modest boost to the world's endangered population. The zoo's adult female Komodo, Lima, laid the eggs back on January 22nd. The first one popped through its soft-sided egg shell on August 8th and hatchlings kept coming for two weeks. Komodos are the world's largest lizards and are popular attractions at zoos from the United States to Europe. All 2,500 left in the wild can be found at the 700-square-mile Komodo National Park in Indonesia (allegedly). Komodos are cannibalistic and usually eat their young and eggs of their own species, so zoo officials say staying alive is tricky for a hatchling (or maybe it’s the dragons way of weeding out the week so that they will grow to be mighty generals of the Apocalypse). This is the first time the Los Angeles Zoo has succeeded at a breeding attempt. It joins fewer than 10 other zoos in North America that have made it work. Eleven babies will eventually go to the Columbus Zoo in Ohio and the others will go to zoos assigned by the Species Survival Program, curator Ian Recchio said Thursday. Los Angeles will just keep Lima and the adult male, Buru. It is exciting to know "the hatchlings from this clutch will go on to help ensure the survival of the species," Recchio said. Hatchlings are 14 to 20 inches long and weigh around 3 ounces, but they will grow to about 9 feet and can weigh 200 pounds or more. Males tend to be slightly larger than females and sometimes have yellow spots on their snouts but are otherwise gray. They have about 60 needle-like teeth that will grow back quickly if one falls out. They will cut their prey into sections and then swallow without chewing. They drink rarely, getting their fluids from the blood of their victims. There are no Komodos on display at the zoo now, but before the offspring all leave Los Angeles, some of them will be shown at the Winnick Family Children's Zoo. Yes, I just said that they will be on display… at the CHILDREN’S ZOO. In the wild, a young Komodo will sprint up the nearest tree to avoid being eaten by adults. They will stay in the trees and eat insects and other lizards until they get too heavy for the tree. By then, they will have developed enough to protect themselves from adult Komodos on the ground. Komodo dragons in the wild eat 80% of their weight and then go without food for several weeks. They will eat snakes, other lizards, reptile and bird eggs, carrion, deer, pigs, goats and dogs... but luckily have not developed a taste for manflesh (yet). They will even try to eat larger animals, like horses and water buffalo. The dragons are probably best known for their venomous saliva. It is naturally harmless, but picks up deadly pathogens because of the food they eat, Recchio said. The Komodos are immune to the bacteria, but the animals or humans in their path can be in nearly instant trouble. The animals are believed to have descended from a larger lizard on Indonesia's main island Java or Australia around 30,000 years ago. So now there are at least two dozen of these monsters in America’s most populous city, with others strategically positioned throughout the United States (including San Diego if you remember). Snakes, dragons, bears, what’s the next animal to join this coalition?

Tiger Update - Authorities at Bangkok's international airport found a baby tiger cub that had been drugged and hidden alongside a stuffed toy tiger in the suitcase of a woman flying from Thailand to Iran (for some reason), an official and a wildlife protection group said Friday. The woman, a Thai national, had checked in for her flight and her overweight bag was sent for an X-ray which showed what appeared to be a live animal inside, according to TRAFFIC, a wildlife trade monitoring group. The woman was arrested at Suvarnabhumi Airport before boarding her Sunday flight. The cub, estimated to be about 3 months old, was sent to a wildlife conservation center in Bangkok. "The cub arrived at our unit Monday," said Chaiyaporn Chareesaeng, head of the Wildlife Health Unit at the Department of National Parks' Wildlife and Plant Conservation Center, where the animal was put under close supervision. "He appeared exhausted, dehydrated and couldn't walk, so we had to give him oxygen, water and lactation (yummy)," said Chaiyaporn. "We have monitored him closely. As of today, he looks better and can walk a little now." A DNA test was expected to provide details about its origin (Hellspawn?), said Chaiyaporn. "I was a bit shocked because an animal isn't supposed to be treated like this," said Nirath Nipanant, chief of the airport's wildlife checkpoint. "Had the animal passed the oversize baggage check and gone through four to five hours of travel, its chances of survival would have been slim." The woman, identified as Piyawan Palasarn, 31, faces up to four years in prison and a 40,000 baht ($1,300) fine for two wildlife smuggling-related charges, police said. She denied the luggage with the cub belonged to her and said another passenger had asked her to carry it for them, said Adisorn Noochdumrong of the Thai Wildlife Protection Department. The cub could have fetched about 100,000 baht ($3,200) on the black market in Iran, where it is popular to have exotic pets (not just their wives either), Adisorn said. He said he did not know what the woman allegedly intended to do with this particular cub. He said his office wants the law amended so the maximum prison term is increased to 10 years. Wildlife experts say the number of tigers in Asia have plummeted over the years due mainly to habitat loss and poachers who sell their skins and body parts to booming medicinal and souvenir markets, mostly in China. Conservationists say the government needs to do more to eliminate trafficking networks that operate out of the country. "We applaud all agencies that came together to uncover this brazen smuggling attempt," Chris R. Shepherd, TRAFFIC's deputy regional director for Southeast Asia, said in a statement. Perhaps… or perhaps that’s what the adorable vicious cub wants you to think. Perhaps that woman’s family is now in danger because that cub’s parents were holding them hostage in exchange for transportation to the latest nuclear power where he already has a scheduled meeting with their ruler… we’ll just say “long funny name” to discuss a few things. Perhaps I’m just crazy… but on another note, seriously? Only $3200 for a tiger? Hmm… imagine walking that thing down the street. Can you imagine? “Oh my $teve, is that your new cat?” “Yup, rescued her from an Iranian shelter just last week during one of my many trips over there to help at women’s shelters in Tehran. Her name is Shibamba Makayla… which is Hindu for “Precious Flower that emits sunshine” (or whatever BS I come up with on the spot).” “Wow, that’s amazing. Is she safe? Can I pet her?” “I wouldn’t be walking down the street with her if she wasn’t safe… but don’t you find a little bit of danger quite erotic?” “Tehehe, sometimes.” “Tell you what, you can pet mine if you let me pet yours…” How did this go from an Apocalypse update to some really bad setup for an adult film? Sigh… such is my world. Well, at least there is some indication that we are able to fight back…

Bear Baying - A declawed, defanged bear is chained to a stake as hunting dogs bark and snap, trying to force the bear to stand on its hind legs. The training exercise called bear baying is intended to make the bears easier to shoot in the wild and it's only allowed in one state… the one state in the union that we KNOW we can always trust to be on the forefront of issues… and make the other states feel better about themselves… and that’s the great state of South Carolina. GO GAMECOCKS!!! Armed with new undercover video of four such events, the Humane Society of the United States is pressuring state officials to explicitly outlaw the practice, which the organization says is effectively banned in every other state (much like the confederate flag). Animal rights advocates say it's cruel to the nearly defenseless bears and harms them psychologically (Really? Defenseless bears? Let your kids play with ‘em). Hunters say the exercise popular in the state's hilly northwestern corner helps them train their dogs on what to do when they come across a bear during a hunt. But John Goodwin, the Humane Society's chief animal fighting expert (I want a job title like that), calls it "bear baiting" — a centuries-old bloodsport that is more for spectators' entertainment than instruction for dogs on what to do when they encounter wild bears. "This isn't about training dogs. This is a competition," Goodwin said a news conference in Columbia on Monday in conjunction with the public release of the videos. "If this is their idea of training a dog for hunting, then they're sending that dog on a suicide mission." State law on the issue is murky (much like the rivers). Statutes banning animal fighting have a specific exemption for dog training. And while South Carolina Attorney General Henry McMaster (great name, Hank McMaster) says animal cruelty laws prohibit bear baying, he hasn't prosecuted any cases. On Monday, a spokesman for McMaster's office said prosecutors were reviewing the videos. The videos, which were filmed with hidden cameras by activists posing as spectators, show an adult black bear standing on all fours, its back to a 4-foot high wooden fence, tethered to the ground by several feet of chain. Crowds of a few dozen line the dirt pen around it. The bear rises onto its hind legs as three hounds sprint toward it, which is precisely the point: Hunters have a better chance of killing a bear swiftly with a shot to its exposed underbelly. The unleashed dogs bark, show their teeth and swat at the bear, which lunges to the end of the chain, then backs up against the fence. Moments later, handlers pull off the dogs. A new team of dogs (most of them Plott hounds weighing about 50 pounds) soon takes on the roughly 150-pound bear. Dozens more will follow. "We really view this as a throwback to the days of the Roman Colosseum, when people filled an arena as spectators to watch animals pitted against each other," said Michael Markarian, the Humane Society's chief operating officer. Animals regularly died bloody deaths during the ancient battles Markarian references. But the Humane Society's videos show no bloodshed. Handlers need their dogs healthy for hunting, and the bear is needed for more exercise sessions. Along with staging activities such as dog races and field trials, hunting groups hold competitions in South Carolina to see whose dog team can most quickly get the bear to rise up on its hind legs, or "bay." "It's just training," says Brian Kelly, a hunting enthusiast who organized a bear baying in Greenville County in February. "There's no dogs that get in any conflict with the bear, and the dog does not get hurt." Kelly said the bear is kept in a cage while dogs on 3-foot leashes bark at it, with judges rating the dogs on how well they pay attention to and become accustomed to being close to the much bigger animal. That description isn't backed up by the Humane Society's videos, which clearly show the dogs and bear swatting each other. The dogs aren't on leashes, and one of them was injured after the bear slapped it, Markarian said. The only time the bear is shown in a cage on-screen is in the bed of a pickup truck, either before or after the baying. Markarian said bear baying is illegal in all states but South Carolina, though a review of some of those laws shows the ban is by default. North Carolina, for instance, has a law against keeping black bears in captivity except for zoos or for scientific research, but have no explicit ban on baying. South Carolina's ban on animal fighting has an exemption that allows bear baying, as long as there is no "repeated contact" between the animals. When the attorney general was asked to weigh in on the issue in 2008, McMaster issued an opinion saying he views the practice as illegal under the state's animal cruelty law. Bear hunting is permitted for two weeks each October in only three counties in northwestern South Carolina. Last year, hunters bagged 92 bears — the most ever recorded in a season. For a limited time in 2005, the state Department of Natural Resources issued 38 permits to keep bears for baying, all for bears that were already in captivity as pets or in small zoos. Fourteen of those bears have either died or been let go (recession has hit everything apparently), leaving 24 permitted captive bears, according to regional wildlife coordinator Tom Swayngham. At least eight of those animals are used for baying in the three counties where bear hunting is permitted, Markarian said. But the same bear showed up in all the events taped by the group's investigators, he said. The man identified by the Humane Society as the owner of that bear did not return repeated messages left by the AP. State records show he has permits for five black bears. Animal fighting has history in South Carolina, where the mascot of the state's flagship university is a "Fighting Gamecock" with metal spurs. See? I’m not crazy. The state's agriculture commissioner pleaded guilty in 2005 to extortion after admitting he took a bribe to protect a cockfighting ring. That led to a heated legislative debate about cockfighting, deadly contests between two roosters that have been illegal since 1917 but remain fairly commonplace. In 2006, Gov. Mark Sanford signed legislation raising penalties for cockfighting and outlawing hog-dog rodeos — events where dogs maul and maim hogs to subdue them — and other animal blood sports (a.k.a. Nature). State Rep. David Hiott of Pickens County, one of the counties that allow bear hunting, said it's unlikely the Legislature will revisit a ban on bear baying. If the Humane Society strikes out with lawmakers, it will ask wildlife managers to effectively halt bear baying by revoking the remaining captive bear permits, Markarian said. "They can put a stop to this cruelty immediately," he said. Thoughts? Here’s mine. I think those good ol’ boys in South Carolina are just preparing for the Apocalypse. You don’t hear much about black bears breaking into homes and such down there… unless you want to hear about how Junior got that stuffed bear right thurr. Besides, 92 bears? I think it’s a good idea to make sure that the dogs are still on our side. I’d hate to see the forthcoming war turn into another Civil War, where man is pitted against his brother… or rather, man pitted against his best friend. “Jasper, I thought we was friends.” “Haha, I’ve been affiliated with the Animal Resistance Movement (ARM) for years. I’ve been playing you like a Steinway, my friend.” “Wait, when did you learn to talk?” “All dogs can talk. We just choose to communicate using our complex array of barks that don’t translate to mere human ears. Don’t worry, I could never harm you, Cletus. That’s why that bear standing behind you is going to dispose of you.” Oh it’s too gruesome to imagine. Let us hope that it never comes to pass. Stay true, South Carolina. You’re a beacon of logic & understanding… by the way, sarcasm doesn’t translate when you type it out.

Anyway, I think that crazy talk will be enough for one day. No real idea what I’m going to do this weekend… but there is La Tomatina en Reno, which is that festival in Spain where they throw tomatoes at each other… and allegedly, Reno’s is the largest such celebration (?) in the United States, so that might be fun. Also, there’s their monthly Pub Crawl. Should be good sloppy fun. There’s also a wine walk or two here in town… and Burning Man starts on Monday but I more than likely won’t be attending that. Good times. Still no idea when my brother’s coming out here… but I honestly don’t care. I’m being incredibly too nice even considering it in the first place. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!

They Call Him Machete

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it’s official. I will be watching my 2nd NFL game in person… and first Eagles game… during the nationally televised Sunday night game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the San Francisco 49ers at Candlestick Park (or whatever they call it now) on October 10th (10/10/10). Not only that, but the tickets are pretty good (and should be for the cost). Who will be going with me? My dad. He’s actually going to fly in on a Saturday, then we’ll drive down to San Fran for tailgating & the game on Sunday, stay the night there, drive back at our leisure on Monday. Sounds like a pretty good weekend, right? Should make for a busy couple of months with trips. Going to Utah for a few days in two weeks, this trip to San Fran in early October, then New Orleans around Halloween, heck I may even be going to San Fran or San Jose this weekend if I get too bored. Is it that I just can’t stand to be home? Not at all. I just know that I’ll pretty much be frozen in during the winter again so… get while the getting’s good, I guess.

Two weeks until my journey back to SLC for a few days. The plan is to spend that Thursday watching football with my dad, Friday’s a trip down to the family reunion with my mom, my niece & nephew, and the Wingmans. Saturday, the Wingmans and I head back to SLC for the Beer Festival, have a sushi dinner or something, then watch “MACHETE” because we’ve been waiting for it since the previews almost three years ago during the Grindhouse feature. Sunday will probably be more football. Monday catching up with whoever I missed then flying back to Tahoe. Should make for a great little weekend. Other than that, not a whole lot going on, just busy busy with work… so here’s some news clips…

Thanksgiving - With "Machete" hitting theatres next week and "Hobo With a Shotgun" in post-production, talk has stirred again that another "Grindhouse" faux trailer could be making the feature-length jump soon - Eli Roth's holiday-themed slasher flick "Thanksgiving". Out doing press for "The Last Exorcism", Roth tells Cinema Blend that "I've been working on the script with my co-writer, Jeff Rendell, who plays the pilgrim in the trailer. But Jeff has been working. I said that his deal is he has to work on the script while I'm promoting 'The Last Exorcism,' and as soon as I'm done in mid-September he's going to fly to California, we're going to sit down, and bang out the script." Roth has previously talked about shooting the film back-to-back with the PG-13 action/sci-fi feature "Endangered Species", telling MTV News last year " I want to do a huge budget movie, but tack on three weeks to the end of it and shoot Thanksgiving...I want to do an $80 million dollar movie, and then schedule three weeks at the end to quickly shoot a $5 million dollar movie." A lot will likely depend on the success of "Machete". If it hits, "Thanksgiving" has a better chance of getting made. If it tanks, even its chances of becoming a direct-to-DVD release would seem slim. So go out there next weekend and watch “MACHETE”!!! Unfortunately, there's still no talk of doing the other two faux trailers - Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Women of the SS" and Edgar Wright's "Don't", which is mildly disappointing… because I’m sure Nicolas Cage could use the money involved in playing Dr. Fu Manchu.

Ghost Rider Update – Speaking of which, the comic book turned movie sequel "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" is confirmed to be shooting in 3D and will kick off production in Romania this Fall reports Hot News via MTV News. "Crank" writing/directing team Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor are set to write and direct the film which is hinted to involve the biker facing Dracula himself. Nic Cage remains the only confirmed cast member at present. The 'Ghost' sequel marks the first major American production to shoot in Romania since "Cold Mountain" in 2002. Okay. So… I didn’t care for the first “Ghost Rider” and I sincerely doubt that anybody out there did. Am I right? Sure, Eva Mendes was… Eva Mendes. Overall though, pretty crappy. How do you change that? Well, apparently you get Nicolas Cage onboard first and foremost because that guy’s box office gold (“Lord of War”? “Sorcerer’s Apprentice”?). Then, you get the writers from “Crank” to come up with an incredible script… because they have some experience in stories with nonsensical unstoppable “heroes” in a PG-13 context (Have you SEEN “Crank”? I see this as a “Jonah Hex” combination where they’re gonna make it kid-friendly… and it’ll probably suck). Oh… and before you have a script, make sure that you can work in vampires because thanks to teenage girls everything nowadays has to have vampires, and it already has the Devil (Peter Fonda in the first film). Oh… and to make sure it’s not complete crap, we’ve gotta do it in 3-D, cuz even if it’s crap… it’s crap in your face… which is better, right? Anyway, “Ghost Rider meets Dracula”. Stay tuned next year for “Daredevil meets Da Real Devil” or “Spiderman meets the Wolfman” or one that I’d actually watch “Blade meets Spawn meets Blackula”. Still think Werewolf Women of the SS is a ridiculous concept for a movie?

World’s Biggest Movie Buff Dies - You've probably never heard of Gwilym Hughes, but he held one of the coolest, most enviable records of all time. The Welshman, who recently died at age 65, had watched over 28,000 movies (a world record, according to Guinness) during the course of his life (and I’m sure at least half were crap). The BBC hosts a buzzy article on the world's ultimate movie buff. The first film he ever watched was "King Solomon's Mines" in 1953, but his all-time number-one flick… was "Lawrence of Arabia," starring Peter O'Toole (never seen it). Despite averaging well over a movie per day during his 65 years, Hughes was careful to point out that he wasn't obsessed with movies. "I watch films from about 9pm until about 12. Sometimes I could set up one on the televisions in the study. It works out about 10 to 14 films a week," he said. He never gets bored though. "I still watch every film with great keenness," he said. So, what did Hughes think of modern movies? An article from The Free Library quotes the cinephile as saying, "My taste is a bit old-fashioned and I wouldn't cross the road to see some of today's movies." Amen to that. His fascination with films started when he was a young boy with an illness that left him in a hospital for over two years. A blog from Dorkosphere.com explains that Hughes documented every movie he watched, keeping notebooks with his thoughts (apparently before blogs). According to Dorkosphere, Hughes' other favorite movies (besides "Lawrence of Arabia") were "The Third Man," "Zulu," "The Dam Busters," and "The Searchers." Never even heard of them. Although, if you haven't seen those movies, you may want to check them out. After all, there's no bigger authority on the greatest movies than the person who watched more than 28,000 of them… which is over 50,000 hours total (with one viewing) or over 2,000 days or roughly six solid years or 10% of his total life directly watching movies. You may think that’s a lot of movies… but you spend a LOT more time than that at your job. My condolences to Mr. Hughes’ family… and now I guess they’re looking for a new world’s biggest movie buff. Hmm… perhaps I should send in my resume… I already have the titles of World’s Greatest Lover and Father of Panda Porn though. I’d better leave something for the rest of you.

Bank Robbing Weekly - Note to would-be bank robbers: when robbing a bank, be sure to put on your mask. Police said a robbery suspect had a dust mask around his neck but didn't pull it over his face when he walked into an HSBC branch Wednesday afternoon in the town of Eden, New York, about 15 miles south of Buffalo. The bank's surveillance video shows the man walking into the bank and handing a teller a note that police said demanded money. The video also shows a dust mask that remains hanging around the man's neck. While handing the note to the teller, the man answers his cell phone, then grabs the note and runs out of the bank. Police speculate that the call came from the suspect's get-away driver, alerting him that he forgot to put on his mask. The suspect remains at large. So basically, I’m not sure I can officially grade this bank robbery. I mean… it’s like a check swing in baseball… but the batter forgot his helmet so he returned to the dugout. Kudos to the get-away driver for getting them away, but it really didn’t do much good. So I grade this as an Incomplete. Now, if they’re looking to take notes & perfect their robbing game…

How It’s Done – Though this is a small-scale robbery from an ATM, it has great potential. French police have arrested two teenage girls they say stole hundreds of euros from unsuspecting cash machine customers after distracting them by flashing their breasts. Yes, you read that correctly. French jailbait robbing people by flashing (and not just $20 per lapdance). The 14-year old girls were taken to the Paris prosecutor's office to face charges while a 12 year-old accomplice was placed in a home (the commissioner’s), police said. The girls first struck last week when they approached a man withdrawing cash from an automated teller machine (ATM) in the sixth district of Paris. One of the girls tried to distract him by sticking a newspaper under his nose. When that failed, she opened her shirt and grabbed his crotch, while the other girl swiped 300 euros ($385). The girls struck again with the help of the 12-year old a few days later, using the same method to steal 500 euros from a woman. See what happens when you let your tadpoles run wild? Yes, just an awkward story all around. Will they go to jail? Of course not. Maybe a juvenile detention center or whatever because they’re 14-year old French girls… and they didn’t use any weapons other than a newspaper and what God gave them (and at worst a mild death grip on a man’s genitals, though I’m guessing it was more… tender). It’s a tragedy really. These girls don’t have a female role model to teach them how to use their womanly ways in a far more legal fashion. Gold digging’s legal. It shouldn’t be… but it is. Oh well, I’m sure in a few years you’ll hear from these girls again. Maybe they’ll step their game up to a team of sexy international jewel thieves… or maybe they’ll learn the err of their ways and go straight for exploiting naïve business men into not signing a prenuptial agreement. I give this robbery a B… for Boobies of course. Note to future bank robbers, if you want to receive at least a B on your grade no matter how horrible the robbery may go, show me your tits. Simple as that.

I Miss Having a Girlfriend - It wasn't tough to identify the suspects in a break-in at a rural home at Washington state. The bare facts were right there. The Grays Harbor County sheriff's office says a neighbor who came to collect the mail while the owner was away surprised a man and woman having sex on the floor Monday. Chief Deputy Dave Pimentel says the naked couple fled, leaving behind the camera, which had been stolen elsewhere. Pimentel said Tuesday that deputies who checked the video recognized the couple from previous contacts. The 39-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of burglary. An arrest warrant was issued for the 31-year-old man. Aaah… I miss spontaneous sexual adventures with loved ones. Little mixes of S&M with B&E, a little theft even though you already have your own video camera, it’s just so that you can give it back for a little treat for the kiddies when they look at their recital video years down the road. “You were so adorable in that little bee outfit and just dancing… what the f**k? Roger, did you record over this tape? Kids look away!!! Oh my God is that… the Fergusons from down the street?” Yes, not only is it adventurous coitus… but a mild form of sexy terrorism… like small scale stuff you find in Russia once in a while.

MILF Update - Carla Gugino (“Righteous Kill” & “Sin City”) is in talks to play the titular MILF in "M.I.L.F." reports 24 Frames. The revenge story follows a recently released female prisoner who returns to the street to take care of some unfinished business. The title will likely be approved by the MPAA as the common definition, 'Mother I'd Like To Fuck', has been sanitized to 'Mother's I'd Like To... Fight'. Franck Khalfoun ("P2") directs and Alex Aja ("Piranha 3D") is producing. So… is it a horror flick called MILF? I mean… that is pretty scary if you think about it… but given the director & producer, I don’t know. Eh, a revenge story starring a gun-toting, prison-hardened Carla Gugino TCOB takin’ care of bidniss, I think I can get on board with that. The title just may be an effective attention grabber… like a 14-year old French girl to her mark’s groin…

Angelina Update – Speaking of MILFs, Hollywood’s sexiest juggernaut Angelina Jolie is producing and directing a romantic drama set during the 1992-95 Bosnian War reports Reuters. The story follows a couple who meet on the eve of the war (worst timing ever) and the effect it has on their relationship (I’m guessing bad). Jolie claims the cast will be comprised of actors from the various ethnicities of the former Yugoslavia. Jolie visited Sarajevo over the weekend. Filming kicks off this fall. Honestly though, I don’t doubt Angelina’s directing ability… but I think the only way that this movie is going to be a blockbuster is if she stars in it… and like getting a B on a bank robber… she may have to show them. That being said, this would at least reach “Gia” status. Still haven’t seen it? You’re missing out. Anyway, best of luck, Mrs. Jolie-Pitt. It’s a bold move to set a romantic drama against a war backdrop… but if anybody can pull it off their first time directing, it should be you.

I guess that’ll do it for today. If you missed my Yosemite pictures, keep panning down. They’re well worth the wait. Also, can’t wait for my trip to SLC here in two weeks to meet up with some family & friends… and even to see my little bro when he comes to stay for a bit. It should be good times. Have a great night everybody!!!

Dr Love's Isolated Incident

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Day 1 – Yosemite National Park

Yes, I did partake on an EPIC weekend adventure. Not only that, I’m going to make you completely jealous so that next time… I don’t have to go at it alone… because that’s cool and all… but it’s nothing to sharing an experience like this weekend with somebody else (besides Gretchen). Let’s see, where to begin? Well, Friday night, I offered to take my roommate along for the ride… but he was weary about cost (seriously, it would’ve been less than $100 splitting gas, food, room, attractions, etc) and he had the possibility of work over the weekend, so he declined… and called me a lucky SOB. No reason to talk about my mother in such a way… but he was probably just frustrated that he didn’t go. So Saturday morning, I woke up early and was out the door by a little after 7 AM. Hey, have you seen your breath lately? I did. It was mid-30’s that morning… but as usual, it warmed up quickly when the sun came up over the mountains… and I got to the Nevada side of the mountains on my way to Yosemite National Park, about a three hour drive from Truckee to the East Entrance. Along the way, I called my mama to wish her a happy 29th birthday (which is odd because that would make me older than her). Not that bad of a drive…

There was a bit of a wait at the East Entrance… but nothing too major. Just got to enjoy some of the scenic beauty at 10,000 feet above sea level. On that note, this trip was amazing… and Gretchen was a trooper. In all, it was over 600 miles… and the altitude fluctuated almost constantly between (and I’m not joking) less than 1000 feet to over 10,000 feet in elevation… and there was a LOT of up to 8000, down to 3000, back up to 7000, down to 5000, up to 10,000 again and so on. It was also a lot of winding mountain roads, stop go slowdown from other gawking tourists, basically if roller coasters make you queasy, this wasn’t the trip for you… but if you could stomach it, well worth it. Anyway, here’s some from the drive from the East Entrance to Yosemite Village…

Olmstead Point

Half Dome in the distance...

Once in Yosemite Village, I decided to wander a bit, do a few hiking trails & see what I could in a few hours, which was actually quite a bit. Oh, another thing, one of the best things for your legs… is to be in a car all day, then do a few miles of hiking, then back in the car for an hour or so, then another hike, and so on about five times. My leg muscles are like steel cables now. Well, first hike was to Yosemite Falls, which I’m sure is a rushing behemoth in April & May when the snow’s melting off the peaks of the Sierras… but in late August, at least you get to play in the rocky riverbed, which is also pretty cool…

El Capitan

Is it just me... or is that a little close for

some kid to be drying his hands by my junk?

Half Dome

GREAT rock climbing...

Yosemite Falls riverbed

After that, I went to a trail to see the Vernal Falls… which was okay…

Which deer is more camouflaged?

Last stop on the way out of the village was to Bridal Veil Falls which was a little more eventful than Yosemite…

Temporary bridge...

...because of a landslide

Though the day was a bit overcast as you can tell from the pictures, it was still a magnificent experience that I highly recommend. Don’t worry, I bought the 12 month pass so that we can go together. The Wingmans have already expressed interest as this is the Wingman’s favorite national park… and he lives like two hours from all that southern Utah has to offer. Maybe we’ll just have to do a big road trip where we get all of those in. Haven’t seen the parks of southern Utah in DECADES. Hmm… Anyway, that night, I stayed at a hotel in Turlock, a city apparently named after a pagan turtle fertility god often depicted as a tortoise with an enormous 5th leg. The next day, I would take another scenic way back to Truckee.

Day 2 – Western Sierras

Sunday morning, I headed out early again. I’ve noticed something about California. I often refer to “The Golden Hour” when the sun comes up or is setting… and everything is just amazingly lit and gorgeous. Here in Cali, that seems to last about three hours at either end of the day (at least in the summer). You might have noticed with the pictures of the wheat fields earlier… but yeah, same thing in the morning. Anyway, my first stop was about an hour away near Columbia State Park. Now, I found out about this place called Natural Bridges in a little booklet… and the directions were very vague… and the number it listed didn’t upon until 11 AM. Oh… and my cell phone & GPS didn’t work for sh*t this entire trip, so yeah… it was an adventure… but I did happen upon the one sign that indicated a trail to Natural Bridges. Now, it was around 9 AM on a Sunday… and it’s kind of in an isolated area… and it was about this time that I started thinking about things like “Bears go to water in the morning” and how they could easily outrun me… especially on the fairly steep uphill that this path was… and my cell phone reception was sh*t… but you know what? I went for it anyway. If I was going to die being mauled by a pack of black bears (and yes, it would take at least one pack because of my flawless technique) then it was meant to be. I was rewarded for my bravery when I reached the bottom of the crevasse… to the riverbed… and this gorgeous limestone cave… seriously, if I had prepared with a bathing suit, I would’ve went exploring. I obviously wasn’t scared of bears at this point.

and now, the adventure begins...

I have no idea why I'm flourescent...

The next stop was in the city of Murphys, which is a cool little touristy town. LOTS of places to get your wine tasting on, nice parks, boutique shops, basically just like Truckee… only warmer and with more of an Irish flair to it. Apparently I had just missed a music festival & Shrimp Feed that was there the night before (obviously in honor of my mama’s birthday) but here are some pictures of the town…

My reason for going to Murphys though wasn’t the rotten grape juice & shiny things… but was FAR more nerdier than that. Mercer Caverns is a magnificent cave where there are stalagmites, stalactites, and the most impressive of all – Aragonite flos ferri. If you’re a geologist, you just got a mini-chub… and it’s understandable. There’ll be some pictures of it later… but basically it’s really shiny delicate crystal formations that are EXTREMELY rare. How rare? This cave got an award at the 1900 World Fair in Paris because of it. Oh yeah, this was discovered in 1885 by a gold prospector named Walter Mercer & his wife Marguerite who actually led tours here using ropes & candles. Luckily they have staircases & lighting systems now. Anyway, enough jabber, here are the pictures…

Angel wings...

This is the Aragonite flos ferri

Boioioioioioing...

Mmm bacon...

By the way, quick note on the caverns that I found out. The cave was a mortuary cave for the Yokut Indians before it was “discovered” by Mr. Mercer. Does that make it cooler? Cast your vote now.

After the caves, I got some lunch at Murphy’s Hotel, which was a pretty cool place… and the waitress was cute. Enjoyed some wine tasting and a Vanderbilt Sandwich (roast beef & turkey). Here are some pics…

Next stop was… well, also a bit nerdy. About an hour away was Sutter Creek Gold Mine tours… and so I was going back underground. It was pretty cool… but not nearly as cool as the caverns in my humble opinion. Still, it was cool & refreshing at a nice 65 degrees and at the bottom, 0 feet above sea level (though the city of Sutter Creek was about 1500 feet above your head). Here are the pictures…

The guy in the right... is a REAL miner

and he looks straight out of 1868

Follow the quartz veins to gold

Head towards the light...

"Eh, close enough..."

Then I decided to take the scenic route back to Tahoe along Highway 88 in what on the map was called the Shenandoah Valley Wine Region… but it was really windy beautiful mountain roads which take you about two hours to get from Sutter Creek to South Lake Tahoe. Here are some of the sights…

Anyway, that was the weekend… and it was amazing. Can’t wait to do similar trips again. Now, you may be asking “$teve, you live in f**king Tahoe. Why would you go on road trips like this when you already live in a destination like that?” Well, there’s so much to see in just this area… that I have to go check it out during the summer when I can. You know I love Tahoe… but I also have to see San Francisco, the Pacific Coast, Lassen Volcanic, Reno, Yosemite, Sacramento, Monterey, and there’s so much more I’ve yet to see. The Redwoods, Burning Man, Napa Valley, the real Shenandoah Valley, Oakland… well, Berkeley. That’s all just within about 5 hours of here. Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on my future travels of course… but yeah, love it here in Tahoe when I’m not traveling too. In the meantime, I’ll just share all my travels with you so that you can get a little taste for yourself. Have a great day everybody!!!