Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dr Mookie Love Reboot

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

We had a nice little thunder & rainstorm come through here last night… and you know how I love the rain. Just let that smell come all throughout the apartment. It was the first good storm we’ve had since Memorial Day… and it was even followed by a blanket of fog in the morning at about 38 degrees Fahrenheit. Ah, memories of beautiful winter weather… in August. So yeah, didn’t do too much yesterday other than laundry and what-have-you. Shot a few hoops before the storm came in. Also got an interesting question asked of me today by my mom. She was wondering if I’d be okay with my brother coming to live with me for a few weeks. Why? So that they can renovate & remodel his condo… and she doesn’t want him living with her (just the grandkids). Nice, right? She doesn’t want him with her… because he’s a douche. What do I get out of the arrangement? A douche sleeping on my couch (that he broke last time he stayed with me) who will do nothing except probably b**ch about my slow internet connection & how his stuff is so much better than mine, sleep while I’m at work and then stay up all night playing video games, and just be negative the whole time he’s in my paradise. I hate to jinx it, but I’m pretty sure he’ll find a way to get into a fight with my roommate too. I don’t know why… but it generally seems to be the case. Who knows? Maybe I’m just assuming the worst (or have lived through it a few times). Then again, maybe he’ll come out here, enjoy the natural grandeur & cool temperatures, and return home refreshed. Oh… and it’s not like I’m going to be compensated in any way either. He has no job. Apparently he’s planning on living off Love and an allowance from my mom (which will last him three days) while she remodels his condo. By the way, did I mention that he’s been unemployed for a LONG time now? Does that mean I’m going to tell them to f**k off? Of course not, because that’s my family. If he does end up coming out here, I just hope he realizes that I’m not his b**ch… and I don’t care if he starves. Hell, he may have to have my dinner ready for me when I walk in the door at 5 o’clock. Sh*t ain’t free. I don’t know what you’re mama taught you... but my mama taught me better. And yes, I know that we have the same mama. Sigh… I don’t know. Seriously, what am I supposed to do? Would you tell your family to f**k off? It’s not like he’s moving in (yet). I got 99 problems and a b**ch ain’t one.

Honestly though, I’m not even really that opposed to him visiting. I love my brother. I’m sure we’d have a lot of fun while he’s here (on my dime). It’s just… he is a douche… and I just know that after about 24 hours, he’s going to revert into b**ch mode and complain about every little thing… and I’ll tell him to take his b**ch ass back to Utah. I don’t have to deal with him. Also, I’ll be doing this out of the kindness of my heart… while he’s having his condo remodeled… and he’s been unemployed for well over a year now. I’m living paycheck-to-paycheck and working myself into a frenzy… and the roughest part of his day is changing a diaper or two (when he hasn’t convinced my mom to babysit yet again) and “all these p**sies that post up in sniper positions” in his video games. Poor bastard. Eh, I’m probably just getting all worked up over nothing and it’ll be hella awesome to see my baby bro. Then again, that’s what I always think… and then I can’t stand to be around him after two days. Oh well, I’ll keep you posted. Another twist is that it’d happen in two weeks or so… which if that’s true, I’ll be back in Utah for a week of that time that he’s allegedly here. Nice, right? Ah, wish I had a condo that was bought, paid for & remodeled by somebody else… that’d be sweet.

The other night, my roommate and I watched “The Book of Eli” starring Denzel Washington, Mila Kunis and THE Gary Oldman. Set in a post-apocalyptic future (apparently after the snakes invasion leads to nuclear war), a wanderer (Washington) makes his was westward carrying a book. The path is wrought with desperate people, murderers, cannibals, all the usual Mad Max stuff, essentials like women & water are basically currency (yet this guy has an iPod… but that’s another story). He wanders into a town ran by a bad boss (Oldman) who has been searching for a mystical book that will give him incredible power (Is it witchcraft? Cold fusion? Spoiler alert: Trust me, it’ll probably disappoint you too). Well, after the wanderer kills a bunch of his men, the boss tries to convince him to join his gang by offering him Mila Kunis (SOLD!!!) but of course not, he has a mission. To take this book west. Now, I’m gonna stop right there… because I don’t want to give too much away (except Malcolm McDowell’s involved) but this movie was pretty good for a storytelling standpoint and a few badass (30-second) fight scenes… but I didn’t really care for it. Mostly because of the preachiness (sorry if that gave it away). Anyway, still think it’s worth a watch… but yeah, you may be disappointed too.

A surprisingly good little comedy that I saw yesterday though was “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” starring… well, the only guy I really knew was Jesse Bradford. Anyway, it’s based on a book by Tucker Max and it’s basically about three friends, a bachelor party, lessons learned and blah blah blah. Yeah I know, it’s a format that’s been ran into the ground a thousand times over… but yeah, it’s pretty funny. A little ridiculous and harsh at times as you might expect… but full of witty remarks, bad language, shenanigans and everything else you expect from this kind of movie. I enjoyed it. Chances are that ladies won’t though. Just throwing that out there. One of the guys is REALLY cynical and derogatory towards women. Like, think of my sarcastic cynicism… to the third power and dead serious. It’s hilarious until you realize there are douches out there like that… but hey, it’s a movie. If I’m looking for a life lesson in a movie titled “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” then there’s something genuinely wrong with me. However, I will say this… the moral of the story, which I agree with, is to know who your real friends are. It’s a truly lucky thing to have a handful of people who make you feel special and are always there for you… no matter what… and you need to show them how much they matter to you. Otherwise, they may not let you crash at their place… or return your calls… or bail you out of jail (again) or anything like that. REAL Friendship is a precious thing… and I’m truly blessed to have a few REAL friends out there that I know I can rely on if worst comes to worst. Thank you all very much. Now for your local news…

Kerouac on Everybody’s Ass – So… did you know they’re making a movie about Jack Kerouac’s book “On the Road”? I didn’t. But hey, Amy Adams (“Enchanted”) and Viggo Mortensen (“Lord of the Rings” and oddly enough “The Road”) have joined the cast of "On the Road" for MK2, American Zoetrope, Videofilmes & Film4 reports Deadline. Walter Salles directs this $25 million long-gestating adaptation of Jack Kerouac's acclaimed 1957 novel about Kerouac's years traveling all over North America with his friend Neal Cassady on a "cross-country bohemian odyssey". Sounds awesome, right? Garrett Hedlund (“Four Brothers”) and Sam Riley play the pair. Adams will play Jane, the emotionally damaged junkie wife of Old Bull Lee (Mortensen). Kristen Stewart and Kirsten Dunst also star in the Jose Rivera-penned production. Francis Ford Coppola, Rebecca Yeldham, Nathanael Karmitz and Charles Gillibert will produce. Filming kicked off this week. So now you have another book adaptation to look forward to.

Tarantino Update – Now, you know that I love Tarantino movies. The real shame is only that he makes one every four years or so. It’s like being an American soccer fan and only getting excited when the World Cup is on… or a track & field enthusiast waiting for the Olympics. There’s a lot of pointless rumor and speculation… but then something happens and hits theatres. Well, here’s more speculation… but because it’s Quentin, I’ll share it with you. Quentin Tarantino has apparently become attached to the reboot of "The Shadow" currently in development at 20th Century Fox reports Pajiba. Sam Raimi and later David Slade had been attached to the project when it was setup at Sony Pictures. Sony sold the rights earlier this year to Fox but at last report Raimi was still attached as producer. Tarantino is now said to be re-writing Siavash Farahani’s script. If true, the move comes as a big surprise as Tarantino is linked to plenty of other projects but his name has never come up in regards to "The Shadow" before. "The Shadow" debuted in 1931 on a CBS radio show and followed the adventures of a crime-fighter who skulked in shadows wearing a hat and cape, and who had the power to cloud men's minds. The character went on to become one of the greatest pulp heroes of the time, appearing in all sorts of merchandise and several television series, and influenced many others works including "Batman" and Raimi's own "Darkman". Alec Baldwin, Penelope Ann Miller, Tim Curry and Sir Ian McKellen starred in the previous 'Shadow' film adaptation in 1994 (remember? The one with Genghis Khan or something?). Will QT direct the “Shadow” reboot? Who knows? The Shadow knows.

Spiderman Reboot – So I really don’t care about the “Spiderman” reboot… but I was peaked by hearing that Oscar winner Christoph Waltz is reportedly in talks to play The Lizard, the supposed antagonist according to The Playlist. In the comics, Curt Connors is a Florida surgeon who lost an arm during a stint in the army. Returning to civilian life as a research technologist, he tried to re-grow his amputated arm using an experiment in reptilian limb regeneration. The procedure worked but eventually turned him into… The Lizard (dun dun duuuuuuh…). Waltz's "Inglorious Basterds" co-star Michael Fassbender was previously sought for the role, but he opted instead to play Magneto in "X-Men: First Class" for Fox. Andrew Garfield is so far the only confirmed cast member in the Marc Webb-directed production. So an “Inglorious Basterd” dropped the role for another Marvel flick… so they went after another? Join us next time when we finally hear that Brad Pitt has signed on to play Ant Man. Sounds crazy, right? Well… there’s always that rumor about him playing Dr. Moriarty in the “Sherlock Holmes” sequel too. Besides, Til Schweiger may be looking for work too. There are plenty of Basterds out there.

Quantum Leap Reboot – Speaking of yet more reboots, actor Scott Bakula has confirmed that a script for a cinematic reboot of the TV series "Quantum Leap" franchise is in the works reports Blastr. Speaking about it the other week during Comic Con, Bakula says show creator Donald P. Bellisario is "working on the film script and has a big time Hollywood producer who wants to do it... Don did say that as he was writing, he told me he was having trouble, 'getting you and Dean out of my head.' But I know he will do it." Of course the roles that he and Dean Stockwell played in the original time-jumping genre drama will go to younger actors, but Bakula is keen to be involved in some way saying "Dean and I will have a part in it somehow." As a kid, I loved Quantum Leap. Why? Time Travel of course. Sure it was a TV show and some of the writing had more loopholes than an Afghan rug… but I really hope they don’t change a whole lot on this. I want Ziggy to be a giant handheld calculator that beeps like R2-D2 and malfunctions a lot. And of course… the last line of the movie HAS to be “Oh boy!” setting it up for the sequel. That’s a given. Anyway, yeah. Quantum Leap. Now I have to Netflix the series.

Double Jeopardy – Okay, this doesn’t have anything to do with reboots… at least at first. Authorities trying to solve a shooting in New York have zeroed in on identical twin brothers — but now they have to figure out which one to charge. A prosecutor on Wednesday won the right to photograph 31-year-old Niagara Falls residents Edward and Raymond Nickens with their shirts on and off to see which one might match a witness' description in the May shooting. The brothers wore matching clothes and goatees in court. But tattoos visible on their arms were different. Edward Nickens' attorney argued photos should be taken after charges are filed. Raymond Nickens' attorney said police have already taken pictures. But the judge allowed the photo session after the Niagara County prosecutor said the brothers could change their appearances to look even more alike (aka matching tattoos). You know I love to mock the legal system & how twisted it is… and can be manipulated… but that’s not why I mention this. Why then? Because it’s about two identical twin brothers… and one will be charged with, not really sure… but murder or assault or something, the story wasn’t specific. I can’t help but think of Judge Dredd (and the impending reboot). Oh, you don’t remember the plot of the movie? Allow me to fill you in. Judge Dredd is charged with murdering a Justice… and the big piece of evidence is that his DNA was attached to the bullets (futuristic gun technology). Only he didn’t do it… his evil twin (clone) brother Rico did it (oh yeah, spoiler alert… but if you haven’t watched it yet, you weren’t going to). This is kinda the same thing… but it’d be more compelling if there was DNA evidence to back it up too. Would make for a helluva case to watch. I can see them doing like synchronous motions and stuff so that even the jury can’t tell them apart. Only one of them did it… but which one? They have matching evil twin goatees now. You can’t tell them apart (well, except for the tattoos which will be a big thing). Anyway, just thought I’d share that with you. How often can I pull Judge Dredd into everyday life?

That’ll do it for today. Softball tonight (hopefully). Did I tell you we had to forfeit last week because TWO of us showed up (and a ringer roommate)? Yeah, that happened. But we had beers instead and made the most of it. Hopefully we get to play a bit today. Even if we’re embarrassed like the last few games. At least we show up, right? Anyway, have a great day everybody!!! Tell your REAL friends that you appreciate them!!!

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