Monday, August 30, 2010

I'm A Peacock... and I Need to Fly

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This weekend was pretty fun. So… I did go to Reno on Saturday, with every intention of getting in a HUGE tomato fight. However, despite information sent to me saying that this event was on Saturday, the event was actually to take place on Sunday around 3 PM. I found this out while wandering about downtown Reno at the street festival, and in all honesty, not a bad place to wander around at daytime. Here are some pictures of the “River District” during the day… and here’s a link to some night pictures from before…

So instead of a food fight, I went to see “The Other Guys” starring Marky Mark & Will Ferrell. For those who haven’t seen the preview, this movie is from the guys who brought you classics like “Old School” and it’s about being New York City cops. Some guys get all the glory, while other guys do the paperwork & investigation behind the scenes. Well, when two of the NYPD’s best suffer fairly hilarious deaths (Samuel L Jackson & the Rock… and yes I still call him the Rock for the same reason that I call Mark Wahlberg Marky Mark or Calvin Broadus Snoop D-O-double gizzle, if I meet the gentlemen & they wish it so, I’ll change my ways) then it’s up to two other cops to take over (Wahlberg & Ferrell). Now, this movie was hilarious throughout as you might expect. Marky Mark is his usual hilarious bad boy, Will Ferrell is comic genius (as he often is), Eva Mendes is too hot for TV, even Steve Coogan (“Hamlet 2”) does a pretty good job as the straight-faced sarcastic British swindler. I don’t want to give anything away… but Dr Love & Gator think you should go check this movie out.

Sunday, I went to a birthday / going away party for a few coworkers… and was basically there from 11 AM to about 10:30 PM drinking beer, eating burgers & deviled eggs, jamming with musicians, and having a fantastic time. My roommate went with me… and he even stayed longer than I did (had work in the morning & it was stumbling distance back to the apartment). The weekend was kinda cold & gloomy, which was bound to happen because it’s been pretty much perfect since Memorial Day Weekend but yeah, yesterday was coat weather… and we got some snow in the mountains… and yes, it’s late August and there was healthy amounts of frost on Gretchen this morning. It should warm up later into the week, which is awesome… because Bubbles is going to come visit this next weekend for a night while she picks up her car & Brutis in SLC and drives them to her new home in San Fran. It’s about time that she comes to check this place out… but yeah, really looking forward to showing this place off again. Anyway, here’s the news…

Hottest First Lady Update – You know, I like to give people the benefit of a doubt from time to time. I’m a pretty easy going guy. I hear about places like Iran and how they treat people and say it’s how their god tells them to live… and I think, “Okay, you’ve got your ways, we have ours and we’ll just agree to disagree” or something like that. You make threats against other nations during your political speeches, and I kinda see that like Obama saying something during his political speech. I don’t expect it to ever come true… because you’re playing to your crowd. I get it. However, when you start talking about world leader’s wives and/or mamas, that’s where I draw the line. On that note, Iranian state media called France’s first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, a "prostitute" on Monday in an unusual attack on the wife of a world leader that shows deep anger over her support for an Iranian woman who faced death by stoning on an adultery conviction (seen here). The wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy has condemned the stoning sentence against Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, which Iran temporarily suspended but did not throw out after an international outcry. Ashtiani, a 43-year-old mother of two, could still face execution by stoning or hanging after a final review of her case, her lawyer, Javid Houtan Kian, told The Associated Press Monday. The Kayhan newspaper, whose editor is a representative of Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, described Bruni-Sarkozy as a "prostitute" on Saturday in an article headlined "French prostitutes enter the human rights uproar." Oh yes, he did. The state-owned news website carried similar remarks on Monday. "Although Bruni, the morally corrupt singer and actress of Italian (origin), was able to break the Sarkozy family and marry the French president, lately new reports have emerged about her affair with a singer," said the weekend report in Kayhan. That appeared to be a reference to rumors of infidelity in her marriage that Bruni-Sarkozy dismissed in April as "insignificant." The rumors have since died down. The French president's office declined Monday to comment on the remarks in Iranian media. The media attack was in response to an open letter Bruni-Sarkozy wrote to Ashtiani that was printed in several French news outlets last week. "How to remain silent after learning of the sentence against you?" Bruni-Sarkozy wrote, adding that the stoning would "deeply wound all women, all children, all those who have feelings of humanity." "Deep within your jail cell, know that my husband will plead your cause tirelessly and that France will not abandon you," she wrote. Ashtiani was convicted in May 2006 of having an "illicit relationship" with two men after the murder of her husband and was sentenced to 99 lashes. Later that year, she was convicted of adultery and sentenced to be stoned, even though she retracted a confession she claims was made under duress. Iran last month stayed her stoning, but authorities now say she has also been convicted of being an accomplice in her husband's murder. In a purported confession aired on state TV early this month, Ashtiani admits to unwittingly playing a role in the 2005 killing. She could also face a separate death sentence in that case. Her lawyer denies Ashtiani was ever charged with murder or brought to trial in her husband's killing. Protesters in cities across the globe have denounced the stoning sentence. About 300 people from rights organizations demonstrated in Paris Saturday to urge Iran to lift her death sentence. "The stoning verdict has only been delayed, not halted," Kian, Ashtiani's lawyer, said in a telephone interview Monday. The woman's previous lawyer, who brought the case to the world's attention in his blog, fled the country and received asylum in Norway after Iranian authorities began to pressure him and his family. Kian said he, too, was coming under pressure. He said authorities broke into his home Sunday. "Intelligence agents beat the guard of the residential complex where I live and broke into my home in my absence. They took my computer, which contained the files of my clients, including Ashtiani." Kian said authorities have stopped him and Ashtiani's two children from meeting her ever since her purported confession. "Authorities say I'm banned from meeting my client. And they have told Ashtiani's two children that their mother didn't want to see them.” That’s it. Call the world’s hottest first lady a “prostitute” and then keep a mama from her babies? NUKE EM!!! Too bold? Maybe a bit of an overreaction? Again, you’re entitled to your opinion… and I respect that. Perhaps turning the Kingdom of Iran into a giant piece of glass may not be the most diplomatic solution… but at the very least we can turn this into a game of “Yo Mama” or something. “Yo mama’s so stupid that when she heard a woman was getting stoned to death for allegedly getting her freak on, she brought her hookah.” Okay, it’s not the best… but that’s why we have speech writers for Obama. “Your mother… is so old… that her birth certificate… says that she was born… in Mesopotamia.” Come on, that’s historically hysterical, you gotta give me that… and I love the image of Obama resorting to childish name-calling like everybody else in politics. It’d be sweet… and sad at the same time.

Bellucci Update – Speaking of French superhotties, husband-and-wife acting team Vincent Cassel (“Brotherhood of the Wolf”) and Monica Bellucci (“Shoot Em Up”) are teaming up for a ninth film together according to Cassel. In an interview with USA Today via The Playlist, the actor revealed that he would produce and star alongside his wife in a romantic comedy set during Carnival Rio de Janeiro (how can we make this sexier? Hmm…). The last time pair acted with each other onscreen was "Secret Agents" in 2004. Shooting is scheduled to take place sometime in 2012. Yeah, that’s all. It gives me an excuse to put up a picture of Monica Bellucci’s gorgeous Fritalian figure. Don’t judge me. I’m just spreading the knowledge.

German Hangover – Most people feel pretty tough when they’ve had a few to drink. Hell, the Irish base their whole culture upon it. I’m pretty sure they elect officials by rounds of shots until a winner is crowned. However, you may have to rethink how amazingly awesomely bad-ass you are while under the influence from now on. Why? A Polish man living in Germany (a little ballsy right there, he’s probably Jewish too) went about his business for about five years without noticing he had been shot in the head… because like all good stories, he was drunk when it happened. Police in the western city of Bochum said on Tuesday doctors found a .22 caliber bullet in the back of his head after the 35-year-old went to have what he thought was a cyst removed. Presented with the 5.6mm projectile, the man recalled he had received a blow to the head around midnight at a New Year's party "in 2004 or 2005," but had forgotten about it because he had been "very drunk," a police spokesman said. "He told us he remembered having a sore head, but that he wasn't really one for going to the doctor," the spokesman said. Repeat: The man was shot in the head… but didn’t think he should go to a doctor… because hospitals are apparently for Nancies. The wound later healed around the bullet and it was not until the man decided to have the lump examined due to recurring pains that the discovery was made. Police said they were not treating the incident as suspicious as the bullet might have got lodged in the man's head when a reveler fired a gun in celebration (“NEW YEAR’S POP!!!”). "It may have been a shot fired up in the air which entered his head on the way down," the spokesman said. The resident of Herne, who has lived in Germany for several years, was expected to be released from hospital later this week after the bullet was removed on Friday, police said. Still think you’re hot sh*t in a champagne glass? I thought so…

Do Not Read Hungry - In the remote Serbian mountain village of Ozrem, they're cooking up delicacies to make your mouth water… or your stomach churn. At the seventh annual World Testicle Cooking Championship, visitors watch (and sometimes taste) as teams of chefs cook up bull, boar, camel, ostrich and even kangaroo testicles. "This festival is all about fun, food and bravery," said Ljubomir Erovic, the Serbian chef and testicles gourmand specialist (not the greatest title ever) who organizes the bizarre cooking festival and has published a testicle cookery book (entitled “Hors d’ouevres for Your Balls”?). The food — politely called "white kidneys" in Serbian — is believed to be rich in testosterone. In the Balkans, it is considered to help men's libido (probably because the secret ingredient… is a man’s libido). "The bulls' testicles are the best, goulash style," said last year's winner Zoltan Levai, stirring a metal pot heated by a wood fire and filled with vegetables and large testicles that he said were provided from a state-run slaughter house (I’m guessing without consent from the owners). The festival included dishes like testicle pizza and testicles in béchamel sauce flavored with a variety of herbs found in the region. Visitors eat the dishes with plenty of wine or beer (of course), and cool themselves in a small mountain river that flows beside the makeshift cooking stands blasting folk music. The stalls also sell roasted pig or lamb, "as a side dish". "I came here last year, and decided to come back," said Anna Wexler, an Israeli citizen originally from New York who's now a member of the festival's jury & obviously loves the taste of testicles in her mouth. "It was delicious. There was testicle moussaka, goulash, stallion, boar, bull and many other things." The festival also gives prizes to those who have made the news for being "ballsy". This year one of the unsuspecting winners is U.S. President Barack Obama (without even having to talk about Iranian mothers yet). "He's the bravest man in the world," said Erovic. "Obama took over the world at the most difficult economic and political times. He showed he has balls." The other prize went to American pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger who last year glided a passenger jet into the Hudson River in New York rather than risk crashing in a densely populated area trying to reach an airport. I really like this festival. I’m an adventurous eater (as you may have heard me talk about China before). Would I try some of the delicacies at this festival? Exactly how much beer & wine is readily available? Besides, it’s all about the sauces and how it’s prepared. Escargots is f**king snails in garlic sauce… and that’s delicious. For some reason I don’t see this being featured on the Food Network… but I could definitely see it as an episode of Man vs. Food. “Today’s challenge is what the locals call ‘white kidney beans’ and all I have to do is eat a dozen of these things in 30 minutes or less. I’m a little skeptical though… because these things don’t look like beans… more like matzaballs or something… but I’m told they’re this town’s specialty.” Fast forward a few minutes later, “Hmm, these have an interesting texture and flavor to them. What kind of sauce are these marinated in? It’s like a… salty cream sauce.” “Is called… man-aisse.” “I’m thinking the meat is some kind of beef but… wait, did you say… HOOOOAH!!!” And this is where the show turns into Jackass 3D… coming this fall.

This Week in Yayo – Speak of white substance found in meaty packages, a Massachusetts man was arrested after a kilogram of cocaine hidden inside a hollowed-out chunk of bologna was delivered to his home. Holyoke police said they were tipped off by postal inspectors in Puerto Rico who had been investigating similar shipments (“This bologne’s f**king AWESOME!!!”). A dog confirmed the presence of drugs and the bologna was cut open. The meat was then repackaged and an undercover postal inspector delivered it to a Holyoke address at about 4:45 p.m. Thursday. A woman sitting on the front steps signed for it. Police then executed a search warrant and arrested a 30-year-old man on a cocaine trafficking charge. Police said the cocaine had a street value of $100,000. The investigation is ongoing. I can kind of see the logic in shipping cocaine in meat… because the dogs will allegedly bark at it anyway… but that’s not true. The dogs are trained to bark at the presence of drugs only. How do I know this? My dad was a K-9 cop when I was growing up. Just FYI. Those drug smugglers aren’t dummies though. They’re getting craftier everyday.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Hopefully you got that awful taste out of your mouth from earlier. This week should be pretty laid back, though I may be going to the Great Western Rib Cook-Off Thursday night, and Bubbles is visiting this weekend, so that should be awesome… and then the following weekend, I make my triumphant return to the homeland of Slick City to be amongst my kin and recharge my batteries a bit. Watched “Forrest Gump” this past weekend… and it’s truly one of my favorite movies ever. I can’t tell you how many times I think I’m just an extremely slow-witted man just kind of drifting through what the world throws at me… but I’m lucky enough to be around people that I love and meet new interesting characters along the way. Thank you all so much for being awesome!!! Have a great night everybody!!!

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