Thursday, August 19, 2010

Bear Drug Cartels

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Not a whole lot going on with me out of the ordinary. My roommate seems to have insomnia or something. He’ll sleep a lot… but at odd hours… and then he’ll be up watching TV in the middle of the night. It doesn’t bother me or anything, just kinda odd. Other than that, he’s a great dude so far, likes football, even makes a mean steak and does the dishes. If he were a chick… well, he isn’t, so we’ll just leave it at that. Yeah, really not a whole lot going on. My dad’s in Montana on a fishing trip. My bro’s still sending me pictures of ideas for his refurbished condo (to which I’ve stopped replying). My mom’s enjoying her promotion. Work’s busy. Weekend should be fun of sunshine. Things are good. Or are they?

Bear Drug Cartels – Bears & snakes are a threat to our very existence nowadays. I’ve been informing you about how bears are infiltrating nearly every facet of our civilization in a dangerous manner. Now, they seem to have formed an allegiance with foreign drug cartels. A pair of marijuana growers in Western Canada appear to have been using bears to protect their illegal crop, but the well-fed animals proved to be a bit lax in their guard duties, police said on Wednesday. Officers were dismantling two large outdoor plots of marijuana near Christina Lake, British Columbia, when they realized there were 10 large black bears wandering around the farm property, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said. Officers were initially worried the bears might be dangerous, but quickly realized the animals were actually very docile and content just to sit around as the marijuana was seized, police said in a news release. Two people were arrested in connection with the drugs. The bears, which were apparently being fed dog food to keep them on the property, may eventually have to be put down, police said. Why? Because they’re f**king bears… and the mounted police know firsthand the inner workings of the bear mafia, which like Al Qaeda, gets their orders from the top cave. No one is safe. Sure, they appear cute, docile, furry, even domesticated… but God help you if you try to muscle in on their turf or double cross them. I’m guessing these two humans arrested won’t make it to trial after their found one morning scattered about their cell in an apparent dual suicide… in which they tore each other limb from limb in a feverish manner. Just you wait and see… Think bears are dangerous now? Wait until they’re loaded with drug money…

Cougar Conspiracy – Okay, this really has nothing to do with mountain dwelling predators… well, sort of. There are a few “cougars” up here in Tahoe, I’m sure. Madonna and Demi Moore may be fuelling talk of a growing trend for older women on the prowl for younger men but a study on Wednesday said the phenomenon of the "cougar" is a myth, confined to the world of celebrities (SURPRISE!!!). The study of online dating, by the University of Wales Institute, Cardiff (UWIC), found men and women are still rather traditional when it comes to searching for their ideal partner. Women generally seek an older and, therefore hopefully, wealthier man, according to the UWIC study (SURPRISE!!!). Men, on the other hand, desire a young and attractive female, and often prefer a much younger partner as they themselves age. The findings, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, disputes the "cougar" phenomenon popularized in TV shows and movies like "Cougar Town" starring Courteney Cox and "Sex and the City" of women aged over 40 seeking "cubs." Psychologist Dr Michael Dunn of UWIC's Cardiff School of Health Sciences led the study which involved analyzing the age preferences of 22,000 men and women using online dating sites across 14 countries and two religious groups. "A critically important consideration for advertisers on online dating sites appears to be the age of a potential partner," Dunn said in a statement. He said it was a commonly held assumption that with the advent of female financial independence, women were now free to target men of any age group, as securing financial security from older, wealthier males was no longer a priority. "The transference of female desire from relatively older men to relatively younger men, it has been argued, is reflected by the growth of the toy boy phenomenon," he said. "The results of our research challenges these assumptions. Although there was some cultural variation in extremes, the results showed clearly that women across all age groups and cultures, targeted males either their own age or older." Dunn said a strikingly different pattern of age preferences was evident in men. Younger men, aged 20 to 25, either targeted females their own age or marginally younger. But as males aged, they clearly expressed a preference for women increasingly younger than themselves, with this pattern also being cross-culturally consistent (Solved: All guys want a nympho 18-year old redhead… at any age… and only a few of us have had the pleasure). "These findings are clearly supportive of evolutionary theory," Dunn added. "A wide variety of evidence has shown that women, when considering a potential long-term partner, focus more than males on cues indicative of wealth and status and these logically accumulate with age. Males conversely focus more intently on physical attractiveness cues and these are clearly correlated with the years of maximum fertility." Oh yeah… babies are a big factor. A UWIC release added: "Madonna and Demi Moore are said to be influencing a whole new generation of 'cougar' women who see much younger men as their goal when looking for a long-term partner. But this notion of the 'toy-boy' phenomenon is dispelled as a myth which only exists in the world of celebrity rather than reflecting real life." The countries involved in the survey were Australia, Brazil, Britain, Canada, China, Greece, Germany, Indonesia, Japan, Kenya, Mexico, Russia, South Africa, and Ukraine. So yeah, a pretty comprehensive study… to tell you stuff that you already know. Sigh… scientists, there’s a reason that you don’t get paid as much as you should… because your talents are going wasted. Wanna get paid? Work on something interesting & possibly mind-blowing? Let me know.

Don’t Drink & Drive - Authorities said a western New York man whose license expired 33 years ago has been charged with driving while intoxicated after police said he drove a van 11 miles without one of its tires. The Genesee County Sheriff's Office said another motorist reported seeing a tire falling off a van weaving on a road in Bethany late Monday night. Deputies later arrested 61-year-old Duane Bush at his home in Bethany, 32 miles southwest of Rochester. Deputies said the van traveled 11 miles through the rural town without a rear right tire. Bush was charged with aggravated DWI and unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle (since Carter was President). Deputies said his blood-alcohol level was more than three times above the legal limit of .08 percent. Police didn't know if Bush has a lawyer and there is no phone listed for him. Sigh… yeah, that’s the story. Drunk man driving without a tire. Did he know? Probably. Did he care? Of course not. He didn’t have a license anyway. Please don’t drink & drive.

Do Ride Roller Coasters - A 78-year-old man rode a Pittsburgh-area roller coaster 90 times in one day — bringing his lifetime total to 4,000 rides (not sure how they track that). Vic Kleman spent about five hours on the Jack Rabbit roller coaster at Kennywood Park in West Mifflin. The wooden coaster is no spring chicken, either. It's celebrating its 90th anniversary — the number that prompted Kleman's marathon riding session on Sunday. The Jack Rabbit has an 85-foot, double-dip drop. Kleman says he's been going on it since 1959, and usually rides it about 20 times a visit. Kleman, who lives in nearby Knoxville, Pa., is a member of the American Coaster Enthusiasts. Sounds like a fun group to be a part of. Who doesn’t like roller coasters? Communists, that’s who. You don’t hear about too many amusement parks over in Russia & Cuba, right? Think about it. Anyway, roller coasters are awesome. You can’t tell me otherwise. Now I want to go back to Knott’s Berry Farm. Remember? Look at these pictures and see if you can guess my opinion on coasters…

That’ll do it for today. Hopefully you’re ending the day with a smile. If not, drop me a line & we’ll change that. Have a great night everybody!!!

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