Thursday, August 26, 2010

They Call Him Machete

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it’s official. I will be watching my 2nd NFL game in person… and first Eagles game… during the nationally televised Sunday night game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the San Francisco 49ers at Candlestick Park (or whatever they call it now) on October 10th (10/10/10). Not only that, but the tickets are pretty good (and should be for the cost). Who will be going with me? My dad. He’s actually going to fly in on a Saturday, then we’ll drive down to San Fran for tailgating & the game on Sunday, stay the night there, drive back at our leisure on Monday. Sounds like a pretty good weekend, right? Should make for a busy couple of months with trips. Going to Utah for a few days in two weeks, this trip to San Fran in early October, then New Orleans around Halloween, heck I may even be going to San Fran or San Jose this weekend if I get too bored. Is it that I just can’t stand to be home? Not at all. I just know that I’ll pretty much be frozen in during the winter again so… get while the getting’s good, I guess.

Two weeks until my journey back to SLC for a few days. The plan is to spend that Thursday watching football with my dad, Friday’s a trip down to the family reunion with my mom, my niece & nephew, and the Wingmans. Saturday, the Wingmans and I head back to SLC for the Beer Festival, have a sushi dinner or something, then watch “MACHETE” because we’ve been waiting for it since the previews almost three years ago during the Grindhouse feature. Sunday will probably be more football. Monday catching up with whoever I missed then flying back to Tahoe. Should make for a great little weekend. Other than that, not a whole lot going on, just busy busy with work… so here’s some news clips…

Thanksgiving - With "Machete" hitting theatres next week and "Hobo With a Shotgun" in post-production, talk has stirred again that another "Grindhouse" faux trailer could be making the feature-length jump soon - Eli Roth's holiday-themed slasher flick "Thanksgiving". Out doing press for "The Last Exorcism", Roth tells Cinema Blend that "I've been working on the script with my co-writer, Jeff Rendell, who plays the pilgrim in the trailer. But Jeff has been working. I said that his deal is he has to work on the script while I'm promoting 'The Last Exorcism,' and as soon as I'm done in mid-September he's going to fly to California, we're going to sit down, and bang out the script." Roth has previously talked about shooting the film back-to-back with the PG-13 action/sci-fi feature "Endangered Species", telling MTV News last year " I want to do a huge budget movie, but tack on three weeks to the end of it and shoot Thanksgiving...I want to do an $80 million dollar movie, and then schedule three weeks at the end to quickly shoot a $5 million dollar movie." A lot will likely depend on the success of "Machete". If it hits, "Thanksgiving" has a better chance of getting made. If it tanks, even its chances of becoming a direct-to-DVD release would seem slim. So go out there next weekend and watch “MACHETE”!!! Unfortunately, there's still no talk of doing the other two faux trailers - Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Women of the SS" and Edgar Wright's "Don't", which is mildly disappointing… because I’m sure Nicolas Cage could use the money involved in playing Dr. Fu Manchu.

Ghost Rider Update – Speaking of which, the comic book turned movie sequel "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" is confirmed to be shooting in 3D and will kick off production in Romania this Fall reports Hot News via MTV News. "Crank" writing/directing team Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor are set to write and direct the film which is hinted to involve the biker facing Dracula himself. Nic Cage remains the only confirmed cast member at present. The 'Ghost' sequel marks the first major American production to shoot in Romania since "Cold Mountain" in 2002. Okay. So… I didn’t care for the first “Ghost Rider” and I sincerely doubt that anybody out there did. Am I right? Sure, Eva Mendes was… Eva Mendes. Overall though, pretty crappy. How do you change that? Well, apparently you get Nicolas Cage onboard first and foremost because that guy’s box office gold (“Lord of War”? “Sorcerer’s Apprentice”?). Then, you get the writers from “Crank” to come up with an incredible script… because they have some experience in stories with nonsensical unstoppable “heroes” in a PG-13 context (Have you SEEN “Crank”? I see this as a “Jonah Hex” combination where they’re gonna make it kid-friendly… and it’ll probably suck). Oh… and before you have a script, make sure that you can work in vampires because thanks to teenage girls everything nowadays has to have vampires, and it already has the Devil (Peter Fonda in the first film). Oh… and to make sure it’s not complete crap, we’ve gotta do it in 3-D, cuz even if it’s crap… it’s crap in your face… which is better, right? Anyway, “Ghost Rider meets Dracula”. Stay tuned next year for “Daredevil meets Da Real Devil” or “Spiderman meets the Wolfman” or one that I’d actually watch “Blade meets Spawn meets Blackula”. Still think Werewolf Women of the SS is a ridiculous concept for a movie?

World’s Biggest Movie Buff Dies - You've probably never heard of Gwilym Hughes, but he held one of the coolest, most enviable records of all time. The Welshman, who recently died at age 65, had watched over 28,000 movies (a world record, according to Guinness) during the course of his life (and I’m sure at least half were crap). The BBC hosts a buzzy article on the world's ultimate movie buff. The first film he ever watched was "King Solomon's Mines" in 1953, but his all-time number-one flick… was "Lawrence of Arabia," starring Peter O'Toole (never seen it). Despite averaging well over a movie per day during his 65 years, Hughes was careful to point out that he wasn't obsessed with movies. "I watch films from about 9pm until about 12. Sometimes I could set up one on the televisions in the study. It works out about 10 to 14 films a week," he said. He never gets bored though. "I still watch every film with great keenness," he said. So, what did Hughes think of modern movies? An article from The Free Library quotes the cinephile as saying, "My taste is a bit old-fashioned and I wouldn't cross the road to see some of today's movies." Amen to that. His fascination with films started when he was a young boy with an illness that left him in a hospital for over two years. A blog from explains that Hughes documented every movie he watched, keeping notebooks with his thoughts (apparently before blogs). According to Dorkosphere, Hughes' other favorite movies (besides "Lawrence of Arabia") were "The Third Man," "Zulu," "The Dam Busters," and "The Searchers." Never even heard of them. Although, if you haven't seen those movies, you may want to check them out. After all, there's no bigger authority on the greatest movies than the person who watched more than 28,000 of them… which is over 50,000 hours total (with one viewing) or over 2,000 days or roughly six solid years or 10% of his total life directly watching movies. You may think that’s a lot of movies… but you spend a LOT more time than that at your job. My condolences to Mr. Hughes’ family… and now I guess they’re looking for a new world’s biggest movie buff. Hmm… perhaps I should send in my resume… I already have the titles of World’s Greatest Lover and Father of Panda Porn though. I’d better leave something for the rest of you.

Bank Robbing Weekly - Note to would-be bank robbers: when robbing a bank, be sure to put on your mask. Police said a robbery suspect had a dust mask around his neck but didn't pull it over his face when he walked into an HSBC branch Wednesday afternoon in the town of Eden, New York, about 15 miles south of Buffalo. The bank's surveillance video shows the man walking into the bank and handing a teller a note that police said demanded money. The video also shows a dust mask that remains hanging around the man's neck. While handing the note to the teller, the man answers his cell phone, then grabs the note and runs out of the bank. Police speculate that the call came from the suspect's get-away driver, alerting him that he forgot to put on his mask. The suspect remains at large. So basically, I’m not sure I can officially grade this bank robbery. I mean… it’s like a check swing in baseball… but the batter forgot his helmet so he returned to the dugout. Kudos to the get-away driver for getting them away, but it really didn’t do much good. So I grade this as an Incomplete. Now, if they’re looking to take notes & perfect their robbing game…

How It’s Done – Though this is a small-scale robbery from an ATM, it has great potential. French police have arrested two teenage girls they say stole hundreds of euros from unsuspecting cash machine customers after distracting them by flashing their breasts. Yes, you read that correctly. French jailbait robbing people by flashing (and not just $20 per lapdance). The 14-year old girls were taken to the Paris prosecutor's office to face charges while a 12 year-old accomplice was placed in a home (the commissioner’s), police said. The girls first struck last week when they approached a man withdrawing cash from an automated teller machine (ATM) in the sixth district of Paris. One of the girls tried to distract him by sticking a newspaper under his nose. When that failed, she opened her shirt and grabbed his crotch, while the other girl swiped 300 euros ($385). The girls struck again with the help of the 12-year old a few days later, using the same method to steal 500 euros from a woman. See what happens when you let your tadpoles run wild? Yes, just an awkward story all around. Will they go to jail? Of course not. Maybe a juvenile detention center or whatever because they’re 14-year old French girls… and they didn’t use any weapons other than a newspaper and what God gave them (and at worst a mild death grip on a man’s genitals, though I’m guessing it was more… tender). It’s a tragedy really. These girls don’t have a female role model to teach them how to use their womanly ways in a far more legal fashion. Gold digging’s legal. It shouldn’t be… but it is. Oh well, I’m sure in a few years you’ll hear from these girls again. Maybe they’ll step their game up to a team of sexy international jewel thieves… or maybe they’ll learn the err of their ways and go straight for exploiting naïve business men into not signing a prenuptial agreement. I give this robbery a B… for Boobies of course. Note to future bank robbers, if you want to receive at least a B on your grade no matter how horrible the robbery may go, show me your tits. Simple as that.

I Miss Having a Girlfriend - It wasn't tough to identify the suspects in a break-in at a rural home at Washington state. The bare facts were right there. The Grays Harbor County sheriff's office says a neighbor who came to collect the mail while the owner was away surprised a man and woman having sex on the floor Monday. Chief Deputy Dave Pimentel says the naked couple fled, leaving behind the camera, which had been stolen elsewhere. Pimentel said Tuesday that deputies who checked the video recognized the couple from previous contacts. The 39-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of burglary. An arrest warrant was issued for the 31-year-old man. Aaah… I miss spontaneous sexual adventures with loved ones. Little mixes of S&M with B&E, a little theft even though you already have your own video camera, it’s just so that you can give it back for a little treat for the kiddies when they look at their recital video years down the road. “You were so adorable in that little bee outfit and just dancing… what the f**k? Roger, did you record over this tape? Kids look away!!! Oh my God is that… the Fergusons from down the street?” Yes, not only is it adventurous coitus… but a mild form of sexy terrorism… like small scale stuff you find in Russia once in a while.

MILF Update - Carla Gugino (“Righteous Kill” & “Sin City”) is in talks to play the titular MILF in "M.I.L.F." reports 24 Frames. The revenge story follows a recently released female prisoner who returns to the street to take care of some unfinished business. The title will likely be approved by the MPAA as the common definition, 'Mother I'd Like To Fuck', has been sanitized to 'Mother's I'd Like To... Fight'. Franck Khalfoun ("P2") directs and Alex Aja ("Piranha 3D") is producing. So… is it a horror flick called MILF? I mean… that is pretty scary if you think about it… but given the director & producer, I don’t know. Eh, a revenge story starring a gun-toting, prison-hardened Carla Gugino TCOB takin’ care of bidniss, I think I can get on board with that. The title just may be an effective attention grabber… like a 14-year old French girl to her mark’s groin…

Angelina Update – Speaking of MILFs, Hollywood’s sexiest juggernaut Angelina Jolie is producing and directing a romantic drama set during the 1992-95 Bosnian War reports Reuters. The story follows a couple who meet on the eve of the war (worst timing ever) and the effect it has on their relationship (I’m guessing bad). Jolie claims the cast will be comprised of actors from the various ethnicities of the former Yugoslavia. Jolie visited Sarajevo over the weekend. Filming kicks off this fall. Honestly though, I don’t doubt Angelina’s directing ability… but I think the only way that this movie is going to be a blockbuster is if she stars in it… and like getting a B on a bank robber… she may have to show them. That being said, this would at least reach “Gia” status. Still haven’t seen it? You’re missing out. Anyway, best of luck, Mrs. Jolie-Pitt. It’s a bold move to set a romantic drama against a war backdrop… but if anybody can pull it off their first time directing, it should be you.

I guess that’ll do it for today. If you missed my Yosemite pictures, keep panning down. They’re well worth the wait. Also, can’t wait for my trip to SLC here in two weeks to meet up with some family & friends… and even to see my little bro when he comes to stay for a bit. It should be good times. Have a great night everybody!!!

No comments:

Where Should I Go Next?