Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Yesterday, I had a fun day babysitting my niece & nephew with my brother at my apartment again (that's twice this weekend) and I think my apartment is just brand new & overly stimulating for them...so they didn't sleep a wink...which made them (and their dad) awfully cranky after a few hours...but hey, they had fun with their Uncle $teve and slept like logs when they got home. Other than that, I think I'm going to hold off on the various jobfront updates for another day or so...and re-reintroduce an Eclectic Eccentric institution that has been missing for about six months (really more like a year) with...THE MOVIE LIST!!! Yes, I've done like fifty of these things on the old blog...and a few on the newer blog...but I finally got a good one that you might enjoy...and if you ever were wondering, "$teve, what would you suggest from the (blank) genre?" I'd be happy to loan my expertise in being a bit of a movie buff. Disirregardless, here's the latest MOVIE LIST!!!
Before Time Was Time Movies - These are those movies set back before Time was Time...when the world was fully of barbarians in loin clothes carrying giant swords and axes, evil sorcerers bent on world domination, prophecies, epic journeys where they meet colorful characters along the way, giant brutes to support the main antagonist, giant brutes in badass uniforms with skulls & sharp objects to support the main protagonist, miniature sidekicks for comic relief, superhottie slave girls, kings & princesses, exotic locations (with ridiculous names like Vulusia, Kramdor, or $tevonia) and the whole plot revolves around some earth-ending forces called The (Object) of (Ridiculous name). Yes, there's epic and brutal battles. Yes, the good guys will win...usually by decapitation of the evil warlord. Anyway, these are their stories...and some of my favorites.
Medal Winners
Gold - Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-03) - Okay, so I know what you're thinking...and yes, I put them as number based on the sheer VOLUME and despite it's incredible length of like 12 hours in the director's cuts, it's still a great watch...and the storytelling is excellent. Kudos to Peter Jackson...and I don't need to tell any of you anything about these movies...because you've all seen them. Great cast, great effects, mysterious barbarian (Viggo Mortensen), miniature sidekicks (those Merry & Pip hobbits), magicians (Sir Ian McKellen & Sir Christopher Lee), you can basically go down the list and match up all the qualifiers...and then go home and spend the next three days watching your extended cuts of this epic journey.
Silver - Conan the Barbarian (1982) - Has there ever been anybody more fitting to play a barbarian...than Arnold Schwarzenegger? Really? Even try to imagine somebody that would be more perfect for playing one. I dare you. Not just from a physical aspect...but the Austrian accent, the cold stare, he's just f**king perfect. That's why Dino DiLaurentiis (the master producer of these barbarian flicks) signed him to a three-picture deal to do this movie, the sequel "Conan the Destroyer" (1984) and then his part in "Red Sonja" (1985) starring Brigitte Nielson (and I've wondered if they get royalties from the Heavenly Sword video game for the redheaded hottie barbarian) with the guy barely being able to speak the English language. He didn't say a f**king word for the first half of the movie...but it was still awesome. All three were great flicks...but I prefer the original because...well, it has Wilt Chamberlain as the giant brute friend, a hottie princess, Mako as the sidekick magician with sense of humor, Grace Jones, James Earl Jones, it's just epic. Check it out...and then say "Krum!!!" for the next few weeks. Oh...and if you don't know the story, I'm sorry, it's the standard stuff. You'll love it.
Bronze - Willow (1988) - Now, the title character is technically the miniature sidekick (played by the great Warwick Davis) and then Val Kilmer is the sword-swinging barbarian type...but yeah, I totally loved this movie growing up...and still do to this very day. It's the story of a little wizard-in-training named Willow who finds a baby in a basket (princess...and there's a prophecy involving her) and he tries to find her a good home...but along the way he finds that he's the part of something much larger than anything he could imagine. There's little pocket-sized comic relief, an evil sorceress, her hottie redheaded traitor daughter, the really cool-looking evil henchman, magic all over the place...and yeah, just check it out. Now, just so you're aware, "Troy" (2004) was also considered for the top 3 here...but because it's based on Greek mythology and technically those places exist...then it doesn't apply to my list. Sorry, there are rules. Still, I think that flick rocks too and deserves honorable mention.
Suggestion - The Beastmaster (1982) - There was a time when HBO first came out, that there was a joke that HBO stood for "Hey, Beastmaster's On!" because they played this movie so much...but I can understand why. It's the story of a young warrior named Dar (Marc Singer) who was born with a mystical ability to speak to animals. Well, an evil wizard (Rip Torn) is looking to take over the world...and there are barbarians that destroyed his village, so he's on his own. He runs into this slave girl (superhottie Tanya Roberts) and he gets involved with this quest to overthrow the wizard & fight off the barbarian horde. It has all the typical elements of the story...and I think the reason that it stands out from the others is the animal friends (eagle, black tiger & ferrets) and the lighting & everything was pretty good. Then I looked into it...and John Alcott was the director of photography (he did all those Stanley Kubrick films). So yeah, I really like this one...though some of you may think it's really lame. I think the last battle with the firewall...is one of the best ever done in these kinds of movies. Also, I've mentioned the movie "Pathfinder" (2007) on here a few times...and again, that didn't make the list because it's based on an alleged legend of the Americas back in the time of the Vikings...but still, check it out if you're into the whole sword-swinging barbarian movies.
Flush It - Kull the Conqueror (1997) - I was a big fan of the Hercules TV series with Kevin Sorbo. Then he did this movie...and I cried on the inside. The story of a pirate turned king (Sorbo) when the old king (played by the great Sven Ole Thorsen) basically decided to give him the crown in a fit of madness. Now everybody's trying to assassinate him...and there's a hot red-headed demon b**ch (Tia Carrere) and a fortune telling slave girl (Karina Lombard of "The L Word") and...for God's sakes, Harvey Fierstien is in this movie as a wealthy pirate captain. How could this movie be any good? I think they were trying to go a little too much into the humor with this one...but the movie was just horrible & the effects were pretty bad...and the story was retarded...and the soundtrack seemed a little awkward, though not nearly as awkward as "Ladyhawke" (1985)with the Alan Parsons Project doing the 80's techno soundtrack in a period piece (though still a great flick). Please don't waste your time with it.
Future Watch - He-Man (2011?) - Okay, so as a kid, I loved "Master of the Universe" (1987) with Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox & Frank Langella...but I was really bummed that they brought it into modern times (the late 80's) instead of keeping it in Eternia...but hey, budgets can make you do crazy things with the story sometimes. I keep hearing that they're looking to do a new, more traditional He-Man story...but we'll see if it ever comes to pass. I would be excited to see him, Man-of-Arms, Teela, Skeletor, Lockjaw, Ortho, Battle Cat, Evil Lyn, maybe even a guest spot from She-Ra & the Horde...but alas, we shall see if there's enough of a demand. I'm also intrigued about the whole reboot of the "Conan" series...but Arnold's over 60 now...and you're not going to be able to replace him. There's also stories about a "Red Sonja" reboot with Rose McGowan...but that just sounds ridiculous...and I'll wait until I see the previews. Also, on the whole "Troy" thing mentioned earlier, I'm still waiting for Sean Bean to play Odysseus in "The Odyssey" movie about his trip back from Troy...and that would be awesome. I'm sure it's just because of his schedule that it hasn't happened yet...and the fact that he's not Brad Pitt. Then again, who is? I'd offer my services as the lead in one of these movies...but I'd settle for just being the loyal 2nd-in-command who saves the antagonist's life from an attack while he's distracted...then we exchange a glance, he nods, I nod...and we continue fighting. That's all I need. Just a nod. I'm good with that. Let him wear all the coconut oil all day in the sun. I'll end up either with a bad-ass death scene or hooking up with a slave girl. Krum.
Yesterday, I had a fun day babysitting my niece & nephew with my brother at my apartment again (that's twice this weekend) and I think my apartment is just brand new & overly stimulating for them...so they didn't sleep a wink...which made them (and their dad) awfully cranky after a few hours...but hey, they had fun with their Uncle $teve and slept like logs when they got home. Other than that, I think I'm going to hold off on the various jobfront updates for another day or so...and re-reintroduce an Eclectic Eccentric institution that has been missing for about six months (really more like a year) with...THE MOVIE LIST!!! Yes, I've done like fifty of these things on the old blog...and a few on the newer blog...but I finally got a good one that you might enjoy...and if you ever were wondering, "$teve, what would you suggest from the (blank) genre?" I'd be happy to loan my expertise in being a bit of a movie buff. Disirregardless, here's the latest MOVIE LIST!!!
Before Time Was Time Movies - These are those movies set back before Time was Time...when the world was fully of barbarians in loin clothes carrying giant swords and axes, evil sorcerers bent on world domination, prophecies, epic journeys where they meet colorful characters along the way, giant brutes to support the main antagonist, giant brutes in badass uniforms with skulls & sharp objects to support the main protagonist, miniature sidekicks for comic relief, superhottie slave girls, kings & princesses, exotic locations (with ridiculous names like Vulusia, Kramdor, or $tevonia) and the whole plot revolves around some earth-ending forces called The (Object) of (Ridiculous name). Yes, there's epic and brutal battles. Yes, the good guys will win...usually by decapitation of the evil warlord. Anyway, these are their stories...and some of my favorites.
Medal Winners
Gold - Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-03) - Okay, so I know what you're thinking...and yes, I put them as number based on the sheer VOLUME and despite it's incredible length of like 12 hours in the director's cuts, it's still a great watch...and the storytelling is excellent. Kudos to Peter Jackson...and I don't need to tell any of you anything about these movies...because you've all seen them. Great cast, great effects, mysterious barbarian (Viggo Mortensen), miniature sidekicks (those Merry & Pip hobbits), magicians (Sir Ian McKellen & Sir Christopher Lee), you can basically go down the list and match up all the qualifiers...and then go home and spend the next three days watching your extended cuts of this epic journey.
Silver - Conan the Barbarian (1982) - Has there ever been anybody more fitting to play a barbarian...than Arnold Schwarzenegger? Really? Even try to imagine somebody that would be more perfect for playing one. I dare you. Not just from a physical aspect...but the Austrian accent, the cold stare, he's just f**king perfect. That's why Dino DiLaurentiis (the master producer of these barbarian flicks) signed him to a three-picture deal to do this movie, the sequel "Conan the Destroyer" (1984) and then his part in "Red Sonja" (1985) starring Brigitte Nielson (and I've wondered if they get royalties from the Heavenly Sword video game for the redheaded hottie barbarian) with the guy barely being able to speak the English language. He didn't say a f**king word for the first half of the movie...but it was still awesome. All three were great flicks...but I prefer the original because...well, it has Wilt Chamberlain as the giant brute friend, a hottie princess, Mako as the sidekick magician with sense of humor, Grace Jones, James Earl Jones, it's just epic. Check it out...and then say "Krum!!!" for the next few weeks. Oh...and if you don't know the story, I'm sorry, it's the standard stuff. You'll love it.
Bronze - Willow (1988) - Now, the title character is technically the miniature sidekick (played by the great Warwick Davis) and then Val Kilmer is the sword-swinging barbarian type...but yeah, I totally loved this movie growing up...and still do to this very day. It's the story of a little wizard-in-training named Willow who finds a baby in a basket (princess...and there's a prophecy involving her) and he tries to find her a good home...but along the way he finds that he's the part of something much larger than anything he could imagine. There's little pocket-sized comic relief, an evil sorceress, her hottie redheaded traitor daughter, the really cool-looking evil henchman, magic all over the place...and yeah, just check it out. Now, just so you're aware, "Troy" (2004) was also considered for the top 3 here...but because it's based on Greek mythology and technically those places exist...then it doesn't apply to my list. Sorry, there are rules. Still, I think that flick rocks too and deserves honorable mention.
Suggestion - The Beastmaster (1982) - There was a time when HBO first came out, that there was a joke that HBO stood for "Hey, Beastmaster's On!" because they played this movie so much...but I can understand why. It's the story of a young warrior named Dar (Marc Singer) who was born with a mystical ability to speak to animals. Well, an evil wizard (Rip Torn) is looking to take over the world...and there are barbarians that destroyed his village, so he's on his own. He runs into this slave girl (superhottie Tanya Roberts) and he gets involved with this quest to overthrow the wizard & fight off the barbarian horde. It has all the typical elements of the story...and I think the reason that it stands out from the others is the animal friends (eagle, black tiger & ferrets) and the lighting & everything was pretty good. Then I looked into it...and John Alcott was the director of photography (he did all those Stanley Kubrick films). So yeah, I really like this one...though some of you may think it's really lame. I think the last battle with the firewall...is one of the best ever done in these kinds of movies. Also, I've mentioned the movie "Pathfinder" (2007) on here a few times...and again, that didn't make the list because it's based on an alleged legend of the Americas back in the time of the Vikings...but still, check it out if you're into the whole sword-swinging barbarian movies.
Flush It - Kull the Conqueror (1997) - I was a big fan of the Hercules TV series with Kevin Sorbo. Then he did this movie...and I cried on the inside. The story of a pirate turned king (Sorbo) when the old king (played by the great Sven Ole Thorsen) basically decided to give him the crown in a fit of madness. Now everybody's trying to assassinate him...and there's a hot red-headed demon b**ch (Tia Carrere) and a fortune telling slave girl (Karina Lombard of "The L Word") and...for God's sakes, Harvey Fierstien is in this movie as a wealthy pirate captain. How could this movie be any good? I think they were trying to go a little too much into the humor with this one...but the movie was just horrible & the effects were pretty bad...and the story was retarded...and the soundtrack seemed a little awkward, though not nearly as awkward as "Ladyhawke" (1985)with the Alan Parsons Project doing the 80's techno soundtrack in a period piece (though still a great flick). Please don't waste your time with it.
Future Watch - He-Man (2011?) - Okay, so as a kid, I loved "Master of the Universe" (1987) with Dolph Lundgren, Courtney Cox & Frank Langella...but I was really bummed that they brought it into modern times (the late 80's) instead of keeping it in Eternia...but hey, budgets can make you do crazy things with the story sometimes. I keep hearing that they're looking to do a new, more traditional He-Man story...but we'll see if it ever comes to pass. I would be excited to see him, Man-of-Arms, Teela, Skeletor, Lockjaw, Ortho, Battle Cat, Evil Lyn, maybe even a guest spot from She-Ra & the Horde...but alas, we shall see if there's enough of a demand. I'm also intrigued about the whole reboot of the "Conan" series...but Arnold's over 60 now...and you're not going to be able to replace him. There's also stories about a "Red Sonja" reboot with Rose McGowan...but that just sounds ridiculous...and I'll wait until I see the previews. Also, on the whole "Troy" thing mentioned earlier, I'm still waiting for Sean Bean to play Odysseus in "The Odyssey" movie about his trip back from Troy...and that would be awesome. I'm sure it's just because of his schedule that it hasn't happened yet...and the fact that he's not Brad Pitt. Then again, who is? I'd offer my services as the lead in one of these movies...but I'd settle for just being the loyal 2nd-in-command who saves the antagonist's life from an attack while he's distracted...then we exchange a glance, he nods, I nod...and we continue fighting. That's all I need. Just a nod. I'm good with that. Let him wear all the coconut oil all day in the sun. I'll end up either with a bad-ass death scene or hooking up with a slave girl. Krum.Anyway, that'll do it for today. Tomorrow I'll update you on the job search...and there's even an interesting story about a Fortune Cookie perhaps playing into my interactions with some coworker hotties...but I'll save that. Gotta have something to write about tomorrow. Hope you all enjoyed the Movie List...and let me know if you're interested in any other of my crazy lists. Most importantly though, have a great day everybody!!!
3 comments:
Are you a TV series person? Have you already made a favorites TV series list?
Robert E. Howard, the creator of Conan, wrote several stories about him as an older man after Conan became king that would suit an older Arnold. I'd sit through any of those. A little less swordplay and more magic and court intrigue, but great stories nonetheless.
And if all you need is a nod...
::nod::
Doc
ALISA!!! Great to hear from ya. Actually I did do a series of Movies Lists based on TV adaptation (TV Dramas, TV Comedies, etc) but just TV series is so WIDE a concept...and honestly the only Future Watch I would have is more It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia & more Eliza Dushku. :) I'll see if I can refine it a bit...but I really appreciate the ideas.
Doc. (nod) Always a pleasure to hear from you...and I COMPLETELY forgot about that (hinted at the ending of the first movie). Perhaps when Arnold has retired from this whole being Governor (then President) thing, he'll go back to being a Barbarian. I don't remember Reagan going back...but he was never Conan.
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