M is for Monkey

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday was a fantastic day...though quite exhausting. I started off by waking up on time (despite not setting an alarm) to go to Hogle Zoo with JL Clyde in the morning...and then meet up with my mom, brother, niece Kairi & nephew Vinny whenever they decided to show up. The thing was...JL Clyde slept in an extra hour or so...and the rest showed up about three hours later. Awesome, right? Well, we still had fun...and I enabled JL Clyde's frightening obsession with primates. Seriously, it's almost as bad as my thing with Pandas (of which there are none at Hogle Zoo). Here are some pictures...

Golden Lion Tamarin

A monkey showing off

Look at the monkeys

My favorites, the Doc Brown monkeys...

...and Orangutans

This is a Fossi. I know, right?

Teenage Mutant Sh*ttin' Turtle

I thought it was weird that they talked about Shaq

and the Black Mamba (Kobe) right next to eachother

On the other side, they described a snake as being a few

inches longer than Yao Ming is tall. Basketball + Education

"Get a room!!!"

Never seen this sign before...

TIGERS!!!

Odd for me to say...but she's cuter without the Panda mask

Cannibal Animals!!!

I met up with my family just about the time it got to be extremely hot & sunny (situation in which I don't fare well) so after about two more hours (making a total of six for me), we decided to head to my apartment and relax for a bit. The kids had a quick 15 minute nap on the drive back...and apparently that, coupled with being in my apartment where everything was new exciting & shiny, completely energized their batteries and they were ready to touch and play with everything...while at the same time drink & eat in a sloppy manner...but luckily I had mildly childproofed the place in advance. Oh wait, no I didn't...so I spent the whole evening cleaning up after them. Damn it, if they weren't so cute I'd be a little angry with them...but they are, so I'm not. They just like Uncle $teve's cool new apartment...and all his fun stuff like pandas, maracas, shiny trinkets from around the globe & I don't yell at them for being kids. Besides, they wanted to play with Uncle $teve, so he played with them while their dad & grandma just kicked back and took a nap & played video games. When we were leaving, my brother gave me a "Now you know how I feel" and I responded with, "Dude, don't even. I know it's tough to raise kids...but seeing as I've been in the sun for six hours, then followed it up with your two kids running around in a completely unchildproofed apartment all strung out on soda after a nap, I think I did pretty good...and you're the one who's leaving right now because he's tired and wants to take a nap." It was a lot of fun...and then a lot of cleanup afterwards...but Kairi said, "Bye Uncle $teve, I love you" on the way out & Vinny waved...so it's all worth it. Here's the news...

Master of Kegels - Grocery store cameras caught a woman taking a 24-can case of beer from a cooler, exposing the 20-pound case between her thighs by pulling up her housedress, pulling her dress back down, and waddling out of the store...but it took a while to identify and find her. Lisa Newsome, 42, of Baker, Louisiana didn't deny anything when she was arrested Monday, said Capt. David McDavid (really? David McDavid?) of the Zachary Police Department. "She wanted to demonstrate it ...and I told her, no thanks, I wasn't into that." She was booked into the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison on a theft charge, he said. "We weighed a case. It was 20 pounds." The theft was August 22nd. McDavid said police learned the woman's identity last week and located her Monday afternoon. Casey Rayborn Hicks, spokeswoman for the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison, said she did not know whether Newsome had an attorney. Newsome remained in jail Tuesday in lieu of $1,000 bond. That must've been an awkward conversation during the arrest. "Aaaah, ya caught me. My plan was going so well, McDavid. After years of mastering the martial arts of kegels, I was primed to take over the world. Aren't you curious how I did it?" "No, not at all actually...and I hate that it's just over a 24-pack of Natural Light but theft is theft." "Oh you only think it was just a 24-pack...but you know NOTHING of the weather dominator...or the tectonic oscillator." "Ma'am, that's a thermometer & a vibrator. Will you please stop reaching down there and put your hands behind your head?" "Just one more beer for the road (reaches down, there's the sound of a bottle cap being opened and she pulls out a longneck). Would you care for one?" "No thank you, ma'am." "How about a smoke?" "FOR THE LAST TIME, HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!!! Jesus, it must be like a wizard's sleeve in there." Great image, right? You're welcome. Here's one that's even better.

Potty Prowler - A Maine man caught peering up at a girl from below an outhouse toilet seat four years ago stands accused of crawling into another pit toilet on White Mountain National Forest property in New Hampshire. A federal affidavit indicates a 49-year-old man confessed to repeating his previous act on Memorial Day. Federal agents sought the man out after a 9-year-old boy saw him climbing out of a toilet at the Hastings Campground. Two witnesses saw (and smelled) him walk away from the outhouse. Forest Service special agent William Fors wrote that the man initially said he climbed into the waste-filled pit to retrieve a T-shirt. Four years ago, he said he was retrieving his wedding ring. Fors wrote the man eventually confessed climbing into outhouse pits on more than two occasions. Apparently along with his T-shirt & wedding ring, he also lost his marbles (rim shot). Maybe he and the lady from the previous story would get along. "Oh my gosh, what's going to come down here next? I hope it's another beer." Some people are just twisted...even moreso than me...and that frightens me a bit.

Well, that'll do it for today. Hope you're all having a great weekend. Support your local zoos. Without them, we probably wouldn't know what delicious creatures we can't eat because of the law. Have a great day everybody!!!