Happiness Is Only Real If It's Shared

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'm in a fantastic mood. Why, you may be asking? Because on the way to work, I listened to a few of my favorite songs. The extended version of "Crimson & Clover" by Tommy James & the Shondells...and the timeless tale of a hussy and the sucker that loved her "Cecilia" by Simon and/or Garfunkel. At this time I would like to thank a religious reader of my blog, Alisa, for giving me these harmonic treasures a few years back. You rock!!! And you've apparently made my day. Also, the Wingman may be coming to hang out tonight...and we'll probably go over to my dad's to watch the Steelers / Titans to mark the first REAL football game of the season...and have a few brauts too.

Last night, I watched a great movie called "Into the Wild" and...it's just great. Before I get into the story, I just have to get out there that it's written & directed by Sean Penn ("Fast Times at Ridgemont High"), the music is by THE Eddie Vedder, the cinematography is absolutely breathtaking...and it has an all-star cast featuring Emile Hirsch, William Hurt, Marcia Gay Harden, Vince Vaughn, Kristen Stewart, Catherine Keener and just a whole bunch of others. Anyway, it's about a guy who just graduated college (Hirsch) and basically just decides that he doesn't want material things...and decides to be wander all over America and be a supertramp. He travels to South Dakota and down the Colorado River into Mexico and back up through LA and Arizona and Salton Sea and then on a mystical personal journey to Alaska. Along the way, he meets many interesting people and helps them to realize things about themselves and grows as a person himself...and it's just a wonderful tale of self-discovery and I highly recommend that you all check it out. Besides, you get to listen to Eddie Vedder sing.

This movie makes me want to give away and/or burn all my worldly possessions and become a traveling gnome and just live off the land & have wild & crazy adventures with random people that I meet along the way. Chronicle my adventures in a journal and just go Jack Kerouac on everybody's ass. I appreciate the natural beauty of America (and everywhere else in the world) and I know a few survival techniques...granted I would probably die within about three days in Alaska. That being said, I'll probably just continue being a materialistic douche. Besides, how else would I update my blog if I didn't have a laptop...and a socket to put the plug in...and an internet connection? And you probably wouldn't buy my book. Hell, I wouldn't buy my book...and I could market the HELL outta that book. I'd throw in a chapter about Hitler & Twilight and anything else controversial that I can think of just to get that free publicity (cuz I'll need it). "Psst, another hippie trying to be Henry David Thoreau? Dr Mookie Love? That's probably not even his real name. Probably a whole bunch of environmental mumbo jumbo and stories about dreams he had or potheads he hitchhiked with or something." Don't forget animals I meet along the way & random thoughts like why do they call it a parkway when you drive on it...and a driveway when you park on it? See? You wouldn't buy it. JL Clyde wouldn't even borrow it from the library...and she reads EVERYTHING!!! Well, now that I think about it...Alisa might buy it. Lilie probably would too just because she knows the author and could show off my picture to all of her hot Cali friends. My boy Doc might. My mom would probably buy a few copies to give as gifts to her friends & family. However, I don't think a publishing company would mass produce my book based on the promise of a dozen sold. Perhaps it's something to look into though. I think I'll continue my materialistic journey of self-discovery for now...but I'm just saying, don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a while...and then see me on the inside cover of a New York Times Bestseller...and yes, I would rub it in a little bit...but out of Love. Here's the news...

Hef Update - After more than a decade of separation, Hugh Hefner is seeking an official return to his bachelor status. The Playboy founder filed for divorce on Friday from his wife and former Playmate, Kimberly. Hefner is asking a judge to order him to pay Kimberly Conrad Hefner $20,000 a month in spousal support (WHAT???). That would be half of the $40,000 a month that the Playboy founder has been paying her since they separated in 1998, the records state. He wants the monthly payments to end in two years, or after a trial on the couple's divorce is held, whichever comes first. Hefner, the 83-year-old founder of Playboy magazine and its public ambassador, has been living with three girlfriends at the infamous Playboy Mansion. Their relationship has been the subject of the E! show "The Girls Next Door" since 2005. Hefner and Kimberly Conrad Hefner were married in 1989, the same year she was named Playmate of the Year. They separated in 1998. Hefner continued to live at the mansion, and Kimberly Hefner moved into a home next door with the couple's two young sons. Records show she filed for divorce around that time, but the petition was eventually withdrawn. She sued Hefner last month, claiming he owes her $4 million under their prenuptial agreement and for proceeds from the sale of the home she is living in. Her lawsuit states Hefner agreed to pay her $250,000 per year for every year they were married after their fourth anniversary. Hefner in his filings contends he paid his wife $750,000 when they separated, an amount he states he thought satisfied the prenuptial agreement. Kimberly Hefner's attorney in the civil lawsuit did not return a phone message seeking comment on Wednesday. Hefner states in court filings that he has paid almost $12 million to his wife and for her home since their separation (and I'm curious how she's spent that money honestly). The couple had two sons together, Marston and Cooper Hefner, who are now both in college. Hefner, 83, states that he has paid his son's school expenses and will continue to do so. Hefner founded Playboy magazine in 1953 and has since served as its pajama-clad public face. In recent years, Hefner and his girlfriends — who have included Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt — have starred on "The Girls Next Door." His relationship with all three has since ended and he's now living with three new women, including twins...because he f**king can, that's why. So yeah, what would it be like to just get paid a quarter-million dollars a year for doing nothing AND have a mansion next door to THE Playboy Mansion...and still want more? This is why marriage and divorce and all that stuff just irks me. Okay, not marriage, let's not get it twisted. I am a believer of marriage...if it's with the right woman (not girl, woman). It's just...when divorce comes into play, which it does the majority of the time nowadays, I'm not a big fan of "I'm accustomed to living like a millionaire, so I should get millions for doing nothing." I don't care if you're THE best lay EVER...if you're not contributing to the business, then you shouldn't reap the benefits. Taking care of the kids, okay...but they're off to college now...and you've basically been covered for over a decade anyway. F**king deal with it. You should be rich unless every cent you own was put into producing Delgo or something, then you should be well off. Sorry, I'm the child of a divorced couple who remarried shortly after...so I have a bit of a biased view of Divorce. Anyway, hopefully Hef can get his freedom...and I'm sure it won't be too much of a financial burden. I'm just sad that his dream of Love & Marriage had to die like this. I usually am pretty bummed when that's the case. Luckily he has the twins to console him during this time of grief. Basterd.

Stealing a Date - Ohio police said a suspect in a robbery was arrested when he returned to the home about two hours later to ask the victim out on a date. Police say 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett of Columbus was among three men who robbed a couple late Sunday. Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird said the woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out. She had a relative call 911. Police said Bennett was arrested in front of the home. He was arraigned Tuesday on a charge of aggravated robbery and was being held in the Franklin County jail on $100,000 bail. A public defender had not yet been assigned to Bennett's case. Yeah, that sh*t is REAL. Can you imagine? Three guys jump you and your boyfriend and steal your wallets or whatever. You go home, you're frantic, you're calling credit card companies to cancel numbers, calling friends & family to come over and help you relax...then there's a ring at the door. You open it thinking it's your sister...and it's one of the muggers. "Hi, my name's Stephfon (not a $teve). I think we got off on the wrong foot earlier...and I just wanted to make peace and clear up any hard feelings. Sorry about my friends, I hope they didn't rough your brother up too much." "That's my boyfriend." "Oh. Gee, that makes this next question awkward, well...see when I walked up to you, I'm not gonna lie, I liked what I saw...and you seem like a sweet girl...and I was just wondering if ugh...I don't know, you'd like to have dinner or go see a movie or something?" "Are you gonna use MY credit card, you f**king tool?" "Nah nah nah, it ain't nothin' like that. I've got plenty of others but I was just..." "Are you f**king insane? NO!!! I will not go out with you. You stole my purse, beat up my boyfriend, I've been crying for the last two hours...and you want to go see Love Happens?" "Or something else? Your choice, of course." "GET THE F**K OUTTA HERE!!! I'M CALLING THE COPS!!!" "Look, if you have a boyfriend, that's cool. Let me just give you my number and maybe sometime down the road..." Cops pull up behind him because the friend called a few minutes earlier...and now he's on $100,000 bail. Poor guy. Found Love in the most awkward of places and thought he'd be able to pull an "Out of Sight" moment. Instead he has stuff like this to look forward to.

Columbus Prison Update for Stephfon - A former Ohio deputy accused of feeding an inmate a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed against another inmate's genitals has pleaded guilty to two health code violations (Really? What was the other one? Did he not have a food handler's permit?). In a Columbus courtroom on Wednesday, 38-year-old Joseph Cantwell also apologized for the shame and embarrassment that he said he had caused. A judge fined him $500 plus court costs, and Cantwell also received a 90-day suspended jail sentence and five years' probation. Cantwell's attorney called the February incident at the Franklin County Jail a "prank." It led Sheriff Jim Karnes to fire Cantwell and his partner in May. The other deputy was not charged with a crime. The inmates who were involved have filed lawsuits against the county. That's right, even the one who rubbed his genitalia on the sandwich has a pending lawsuit. So Stephfon (and your basterdized version of a perfectly good name), this is what you have to look forward to...ball-ogna sandwiches and clever pranks...and the best part is...that's going to be the LEAST of your worries in prison. Maybe the girl was worth the shot. I know I've met a few where it seemed like I'd risk a few years of prison just to ask them out...but luckily that wasn't the direct circumstances.

Fox Update: "Eccentric" - So, it's not like I needed any more convincing that this sultry goddess that walks among us & I, the Eclectic Eccentric, would be an incredible match, now I have a professional's opinion who knows her firsthand. The writer of Megan Fox's latest movie "Jennifer's Body" understands why the actress incites such mixed reactions from the public - because she is a "truly eccentric" person. Yes, that's a quote, ladies & gentlemen. Allow me to elaborate. The smoldering, raven-haired beauty is regularly voted the world's sexiest woman by men's magazines...but is less favorably looked upon by her fellow females (shame on you, ladies). Diablo Cody ("Juno"), who penned the forthcoming horror film, is convinced Fox's mysterious nature is the reason behind it. She says, "She really makes people angry! Girls hate her, don't they? I don't know her very well. Even having worked with her to this extent, I don't know her very well because she's very private and mysterious. She's a really, truly eccentric person. I don't think people know how to process her at all. I think it's one of those things where she does not fit the mold in any way and it freaks people out!" Eccentric? Freaks people out? Makes people angry? Girls hate her? Hmm, sound like anybody who you're currently reading? When I visit Tinseltown in November (God willing) perhaps the Fates will smile upon us and introduce us officially to one another. Only time will tell, I guess. Next week there'll be an update where the next pet that she wants will be a Panda...and she could probably get one as part of her "Fathom" contract. Stay tuned. Also, there's rumors about her getting back with her former fiance and she's on the cover of Cosmo (noticed at the grocery store) and she's opening the next season of SNL (yeah, it's still on the air) but that doesn't matter...because she's "eccentric." Okay, fine. Here's the Cosmo cover...but only because you asked.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. In today's episode we pretty much ran the gamut of prison delicacies, awkward social advances, going Jack Kerouac on everybody's ass, a legend's dream dying in a fit of probate litigation, and some great classic rock hits...but tonight...is the first Football Night of the Season...and I'll be hangin' with my dad & the Wingman. I can only hope that you all have a similar experience this evening...and remember, as Christopher Johnson McCandless wrote "Happiness is only real if it's shared." I'm always glad to share my happiness (and other crap) with you on a fairly daily basis. Have a great day everybody!!!