Monday, January 18, 2010

Talk Nerdy to Me

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

You may have noticed that I’m a bit of a nerd…and admittedly so. I’m not just talking about something like…Bubbles pointing out to me yesterday that I basically planned my day around football (in my defense, there seriously wasn’t anything else to do while it was snowing yesterday) but MUCH more nerdy than that. Like what you ask? Well, as you know, this web-based journal is a valuable resource to anybody looking for updates in the world of Pandas, Dinosaurs, Sexbots, Bad Movies, and things that just fascinate me. However, last night, while people my age were our burning the midnight oil to get those last party hours in before work in the morning, I too was up late. What was I doing? Watching the Discovery Channel. Oh yes!!! I was watching several shows including “Planet Earth Extremes” where there were the Ethiopian Highlands where there are lakes and rivers of sulphuric acid & baboons that live on cliffs (No, not Stallone in “Cliffhanger”) or hummingbirds that live in caves & use sonar or Macaques in Indonesia who adapted in the last 5 years to SWIM for their food in a flooded forest and these massive caves that are home to some of the craziest f**king things that you can imagine…and I was just mesmerized by this stuff…and it was so beautiful & interesting to me that I simply lost track of time for like…four hours. The worst part, I’m probably going to check it out again tonight (thanks DVR). So yeah, now you know how I party here in Tahoe when it’s snowing outside (PS It's a blizzard right now). I like to check out what’s going on in Ethiopia. So to continue my research into the nerdy studies, I give you the news…

How It Starts – You may ask yourself “How does one become a nerd?” Well, it helps to be smart…or at least able to grasp simple concepts. Another way is just to be a little persecuted as a kid…and science fairs are great for that. Well, fire officials said a San Diego middle school was evacuated when a student's science project was mistaken for a bomb. Fire-Rescue spokesman Maurice Luque said a vice principal's concerns prompted the evacuation of Millennial Tech Magnet Middle School Friday afternoon (not enough Presidents & Civil Rights Leaders, we have to name schools after magnets now?). Luque said an arson team took photos and x-rays of the empty plastic bottle with wires and determined it was harmless. Luque says the 11-year-old boy was trying to build a motion detector from instructions he found on the Internet (can’t find bomb plans there…) and parts he bought online with help from his father. His parents did not realize that the object looked threatening. He said the student was "a genius-type kid" who undertook the project on his own, had no intentions of hurting anyone or causing any disruptions…yet. It all starts with being a genius-type kid and undertaking your own projects. Then you move on to your own experimentation (and not of the two tipsy female coeds in their jammies variety) after some jerk makes fun of your acne. Then before you know it, you’re writing your manifesto and mailing “motion detectors” to the establishment. I’m just saying, keep an eye on this kid. Nerds can be turned evil too. Just ask Doctor (blank) in just about any comic or movie ever made.

Spiderman Eyes Burj Khalifa – Being an engineering nerd, I was amazed to hear about this world’s tallest structure being completed in Dubai…and thought it was cool that it was named after the King of Abu Dhabi who gave the city BILLIONS to help them through the recession for the time being…but because it happened last month when I didn’t have internet, you all missed out on it. Luckily, this ties in with the last story about the future Doctor Octopus because the French Spiderman (not Peter Parkaaaa) Alain Robert has set his sights on scaling the world's tallest skyscraper. The Gulf emirate of Dubai opened the glistening 828-metre (2,717-foot) concrete, glass and steel skyscraper on January 4th. "I'll have to do it... maybe between January and April 2011," he was quoted as saying by Malaysia's official Bernama news agency late Saturday. "I know the people of Dubai, they are interested (in seeing me climb the skyscraper)," he added. Robert, 47, was in Malaysia to receive an award for his extraordinary feats in scaling tall buildings. Skyscrapers he has climbed include the Empire State Building, the Sears Tower and Taipei 101, according to his website. He admitted that climbing the Dubai tower will be a tough mission because of the Middle Eastern heat. "The problem in Dubai is the hot weather (of) up to 40 degrees (Celsius, 104 degrees Fahrenheit). My biggest fear is to waste my time on earth. For me, climbing is as important as eating and breathing. Climbing skyscrapers is my lifetime love and passion." Last September Robert was fined by a Malaysian court after he scrambled up the 88-story Petronas Twin Towers with his bare hands in less than two hours…and four months later, he’s receiving an award. You gotta like a person with Passion for what he or she does. Whether it’s climbing skyscrapers, knitting sweaters, raising children, filming pornography, singing showtunes, digging up dinosaurs, driving a taxi, making people healthy, telling jokes, whatever. We should all be so lucky as to have a real Passion in life. Good luck, Monsieur Spiderman.

Pink Snowmen – Also tying in with our earlier discussion of explosives, some snow in a Buffalo neighborhood turned a deep shade of pink after a cloud of powder was released during demolition of a business that used to make food coloring. As surprised parents and pet owners wondered whether to ban outdoor play, state health and environmental officials collected samples. A demolition contractor said a pipe that contained about five pounds of residual red dye No. 40 ruptured at a building being torn down near the former Buffalo Color plant Thursday afternoon. John Yensan of Ontario Specialty Contracting says powder was carried by the wind across homes, cars and streets. Authorities said the dye didn't appear to pose a health problem (though it’s derived from petroleum, banned in Denmark & not recommended for children throughout Europe due to its link to health risks like hyperactivity). A water truck was sent in to clean up…and apparently make pink ice. Anyway, just thought I’d put the image of pink snowmen in your head.

WWF Helps Pandas – That’s right, the steroid-poppin’ behemoths of the WWF are donating 40 million yuan (about $6 million) over the next three years to increase the number of giant panda reserves in China. Many have speculated that they are doing this so that select superstars like The Big Show, John Cena or the Undertaker will eventually be able to wrestle these vicious animals in a steel cage match…or perhaps take up a spot in the Royal Rumble. The entertainment / environmental group also plans to build "wildlife corridors" between the 60-plus reserves to enable the pandas to move around more freely, WWF China representative Dermot “The Ogre” O'Gorman told AFP. "The only way we are going to protect the long-term security of the giant panda is to ensure that the existing habitat remains of high quality." O'Gorman said WWF will try to work with local governments to reduce the impact of tourism, highways and other infrastructure on panda habitats, as well as expand a scientific monitoring system to cover all the reserves. There are nearly 1,600 pandas living in the wild, more than three-quarters of them in the southwestern province of Sichuan. Pandas also are found in northwestern Gansu province and northern Shaanxi province. Another 290 giant pandas are in captive-breeding programs in China. Wait, I am just now getting word that apparently the WWF is no longer the World Wrestling Federation, but rather the World Wildlife Fund…which does make a lot more sense when you think about it. I was wondering why I had never heard of the WWF China circuit. Dang!!! Now I may never get to see a panda get whacked in the back with a folding chair by Vince McMahon. I’m mildly disappointed by that.

Doomsday Rescheduled - Scientists pushed back the hands on the symbolic Doomsday Clock by one minute citing hopeful developments in nuclear weapons and climate change. The symbolic clock that shows how close mankind is to self-annihilation was moved back to six minutes before midnight from five minutes on Thursday. The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, which maintains the clock and puts an illustration of it on its cover, attributed the move to efforts by world leaders to reduce their countries' nuclear arsenals and collaborate on climate stabilization. The group, which includes 19 Nobel laureates, said a key to the "new era of cooperation is a change in the U.S. government's orientation toward international affairs brought about in part by the election of (U.S. President Barack) Obama." Nuclear physicist Pervez Hoodbhoy at news conference held at the New York Academy of Sciences overlooking the World Trade Center site, said there had been "a shift in world opinion" recognizing that nuclear weapons are "no longer useful to fight wars and are not effective as deterrence." BAS board member Lowell Sachnoff added, "Global warming is more of a threat than nuclear war." It sounds like somebody has never visited Hiroshima. Anyway, when the clock was created in 1947, it was set at 7 minutes to midnight (because 7 was considered lucky?). It has been adjusted only 18 times before Thursday' move. The last was in 2007, when the BAS moved it forward by two minutes citing North Korea's test of a nuclear weapon, Iran's nuclear ambitions and a renewed U.S. emphasis on the military utility of nuclear weapons. So there’s a newfound hope in the world that we’re slowly but surely on our way to making the world a slightly safer place…or getting a few more drinks in before we start singing Auld Lang Syne & kiss the nearest hottie, I’m not exactly sure what the symbolism is. That is…until we look at the real story behind this Doomsday Clock – Nerds control Time!!! They can simply move time backwards…or if they so wish, push it forward into the Apocalypse (they’ll have to beat out snakes first). Not only that, I’m fairly certain that the BAS has some kind of Weather Dominator AND at the very least, an army of rudimentary cyborgs or mindless clones at their disposal. Once they’re comfortable with their level of control over them, they will take over the world…and the age of BAS will begin. It’ll start with underwater attacks in submarines designed to look like giant freshwater gamefish. Then packages will arrive with what appear to be fish wrapped in newspaper…but you haven’t ordered the paper in years. BOOM!!! An explosion and the mailman wearing a mask over his mouth screams out “BAS!!!” and retreats to the home base, the Doomsday Dome. Then the two vital forces of the Apocalypse (BAS & serpents) join forces to makes the new world order, COBRA. Who will save us? A special government task force composed of stereotyped specialists? I don’t think so. Sigh… I sure go a long way to make a reference to a cheesy 80’s cartoon recently made into a lackluster movie, don’t I? What can I say? I’m a nerd. And ugh…I’m pretty proud of it.

Anyway, enough of that stuff for today. The Doomsday Clock has been pushed back, the South has been freezing the past week or so & that’s probably killing off some of those snakes that were overrunning the Everglades, birds are chirping, the sky is blue and all the leaves are green, my heart’s as full as a baked potato, what a wonderful time to be alive. Oh…and if you haven’t already, please text “Haiti” to 90999 to donate $10 to help the millions of Haitians in need of food, water & shelter. Have a great day everybody!!!

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