Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Nowadays, there’s a lot of stress out there. Money’s a HUGE one. Do I have enough to survive? Am I getting laid off? Am I going to have to move? What if I can’t make my payments? Will I have to move in with my parents? Will they have a basement to move into? What if I can’t afford good schools for my kids? Why is gas so expensive? Can’t we get like a 55 gallon drum for $70 now? Maybe you’re stressed about work, your family, your friends, finding a future significant other, maybe just an overall anxiety about everything. Well, I’m here to help you…as always. How? I’m going to share with you a few Do’s & Do Not Do’s when it comes to relieving stress…and trust me, I’m a doctor.
One method is just to kick back, relax, maybe pop some popcorn, grab a frosty beer, and watch an entertaining movie. Now, comedies are usually the best for a stressed-out scenario…but that’s not what I watched last night, so deal with it (in the calmest manner possible). The movie that I watched was “Surrogates” starring Bruce Willis as a detective in the not-so-distant future, where 98% of the population live through surrogates (basically robots that serve as their avatars or something) in the real world while they lie in a chair at home. The remaining 2% live on reservations in machine-free zones and are led by Ving Rhames threatening revolution. It comes to a boil when a few people are killed through their surrogates…which isn’t supposed to happen…and of course, Bruce Willis is to the rescue. Did you like “I, Robot”? Then that’s how you’ll feel about this movie. It’s basically the next, more fundamental step in the moral perspective of that movie, where instead of just having robots do all the physical labor…and possibly feel emotions, it’s people living through their robots instead of really living their lives. How much is it like “I, Robot”? The exact same actor (Sir James Cromwell) plays the scientist who created the robots and then saw his creation perverted by corporate greed. Anyway, it was okay. Again, not the best for relieving stress…but it’s an action flick.
Hug a Furry Creature – Pets usually have an incredible ability to help you relieve stress (unless they just pissed all over your apartment). Dogs are always excited to see you when you get home and want nothing more than to just pounce on you and lick you for hours (I know the feeling all too well). Parrots will say “Herro!!!” when you walk in the door…and pussies just love being stroked & played with…and there’s just a great connection when you’re playing with your favorite furry creature. And then there’s PETA. The animal rights group wants organizers of Pennsylvania's Groundhog Day festival to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in (oh yes, they like robots too). People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each February 2nd in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. PETA is suggesting the use of an animatronic model. But William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club (how’s that for a cloak & dagger type club name?), says the animal is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania." (Really? What does that say about kids in Philly?) The groundhog is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture, while apparently children are taught to fend for themselves at a young age and rummage for food in the frozen tundra of Gobbler’s Knob (oh yeah, it’s a real place). Deeley says PETA isn't interested in Phil from February 2nd on, and is looking for publicity. Sigh… Of course they’re looking for publicity, Punxsutawney Bill. That’s why organizations exist…because if they were just one person b**ching then they wouldn’t make the news. However, I’m a little disturbed at what PETA is suggesting. I mean…surely they know of Phil’s magical powers to predict the future, primarily with regards to weather patterns. Now they suggest there to be a robot that can duplicate these magical powers…and essentially control the weather. I don’t know about you (PETA chairman Cobra Commander) but I shudder to think of it. That sounds like trouble to me…and I won’t have any part of it. Let the Groundhog have his day…and stay away from those coarse, scaly serpents…and hug a furry creature. You’ll feel better. However, you probably don’t want to take it too far…or out of the home…like this guy did on the New York subway. He prefers to be called the Chicken Lover.
Don’t Play Video Games – Some video games may put you at ease…but the vast majority will just frustrate you. “Oh $teve, it’s okay. I’m just going to play a soccer video game. You know how soccer puts me & every other American right to sleep.” Oh really? That may sound like a great idea…but let me tell you a little story about a family in Italy. Once upon a time a few days ago, an Italian man named Fabrizio was playing “FIFA 2009” with his 16-year old son Mario (if he has a brother named Luigi, I’m cry laughing). After a few games, police say an argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son's behavior. Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck with a 15-inch knife before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. The mother Monica told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat. "I saw Mario come back into the room, he seemed calm, he went to the sink and I noticed him washing a knife. Then my husband came into the room with a hand round his neck, dripping blood." The teenager shut himself in his bedroom after the attack and made no attempt to resist arrest, police said. The game had been given to Mario a few days earlier, as a birthday present. "Mario is obsessed. He's forever playing on his PlayStation, and we bought him FIFA 2009 because we didn't want him playing violent games." See? Even video games of non-contact sports can enrage someone into a stabbing mood…and that’s not what you want. Instead, why not relax on your couch…and play a favorite album from “back in the day” that you know all the words too…and reminisce about the memories associated with these tunes. I’m sure there are a few albums that you’re thinking of right now…and if not, then go through your collection. No, not your iPod. I mean the REAL collection. You know, cases with production notes and stuff. That’ll take you back. ”Oh man, I haven’t heard this album in years.”
Stay Out of Traffic – Personally, I know that sometimes going for a little drive can be quite therapeutic and help you to get your head straight about things…and maybe just go on a quick zany adventure…but if you live in the city, just stay at home. Why? You never know when something like this may happen. An East Tennessee man told police that a woman in a vehicle in front of his jumped on his hood and kicked and punched his windshield as he waited for a traffic light to change. The man, John P. Williamson, 37, said the incident was unprovoked. According to The Daily Times of Maryville, police quoted the woman as saying she was being followed (and probably a little high). The 58-year-old woman was arrested and charged with vandalism of more than $500. She was being held in lieu of $1,000 bond pending a hearing Thursday in Blount County General Sessions Court. Menopause sucks. One thing I’ve learned…is you don’t drive angry (or under the influence of medications). That can lead to some pretty bad things. However, I’ve also learned that sometimes the best way to get everything in perspective is to meet up with a great friend or family member…and just talk about the situation. Even if your friend isn’t an expert in…well, anything, sometimes it’s good just to bounce it off somebody else, take in their feedback…and then decide what to do from there. Phones work well for this too…but hey, nothing beats a good ol’ pat on the back or a shoulder to cry on…or just somebody to laugh with. Just stay away from paranoid old ladies behind the wheel.
Rest & Relaxation – Sometimes, there’s just nothing like rolling up in a soft snug blanket, laying on some fresh hot sheets straight out of the dryer, taking a few deep breaths, picturing some beautiful, exotic location…and just zoning out for a few. It’s just a great feeling, right? Well, somebody else feels the same way…and has a way for you to take that feeling on the road. International hotel chain Holiday Inn is offering a trial human bed-warming service at three hotels in Britain this month. Oh yes, I said bed-warming. If requested, a willing staff-member at two of the chain's London hotels and one in the northern English city of Manchester will dress in an all-in-one fleece sleeper suit before slipping between the sheets (ah, I want that job). "The new Holiday Inn bed warmers service is a bit like having a giant hot water bottle in your bed," Holiday Inn spokeswoman Jane Bednall said in an emailed statement to Reuters. The bed-warmer is equipped with a thermometer to measure the bed's required temperature of 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit). Holiday Inn said the warmer would be fully dressed and leave the bed before the guest occupied it (otherwise it costs extra). They could not confirm if the warmer would shower first, but said hair would be covered. Florence Eavis, Holiday Inn spokeswoman told Reuters that the "innovative" bed-warming method was a response to Britain's recent cold weather and marked the launch of 3,200 new Holiday Inns worldwide. She could not explain why the beds were not being warmed by hot water bottles or electric-blankets, but admitted the human method was quirky. Holiday Inn is promoting the service with the help of sleep-expert Chris Idzikowski, director of the Edinburgh Sleep Center, who said the idea could help people sleep. “There's plenty of scientific evidence to show that sleep starts at the beginning of the night when body temperature starts to drop. A warm bed - approximately 20 to 24 Celsius - is a good way to start this process whereas a cold bed would inhibit sleep." And besides, it helps to keep some hot bodies employed. Well, if this service becomes popular and used steadily, then I wish Holiday Inn nothing but luck. It is a great idea…but is it feasible? We shall see. Personally, I don’t think they take it far enough. All you luxury hotel chains out there, just keep in mind…that this idea is Patent Pending…
Imagine arriving at your hotel after a long day of travel to get to your desired location. Last year’s anniversary trip turned out to be pretty bad…but this year’s going to be different. As you open the door, the distinctive odor of Love fills your nostrils (something like a fine mixture of lilac, jasmine, eucalyptus & just a pinch of pheromones a.k.a. stank). A trail of rose petals guide your eyes to the fireplace lit before a presentation of fruit & chocolate strawberries on a soft blanket that seems to be fur or some kind of fuzzy knit pattern. The flames flicker off the centerpiece bottle of wine and seem to make the entire room glow in a magical dance of orange & shadow. You hear the smooth rhythmic vibrations of the perfect harmony of drums, a funky electric guitar, a washboard, and a silky baritone over the radio next to the bed, which has a heart made of more petals over inviting linens covering an overstuffed mattress. The drapes are open wide revealing the majesty of the city at night (or mountain sunset or wherever you are). “Excuse me.” A tall handsome gentleman in an Armani suit steps out of the bathroom tucking in his shirt and fastening the top button of his jacket. “I’m terribly sorry to startle you. My name is $teve, I am the Love Butler here at the hotel. Miss Dupaix is putting the ugh…final preparations in the bathroom but I see that you’ve already noticed the presentation. I’m sure that it’d be quite an exhausting journey here, so please replenish yourselves. Miss Dupaix & I took the time to test, prepare & warm the bed for you and then put on some fresh linens from the dryer. We have several musical selections to choose from that I have arranged in ascending order from mellow to bow chicka bow wow…and if you need anything else…and I mean. Any. Thing. Else. Please do not hesitate to dial extension 6969 and we’d be happy to accommodate.” A voluptuous maid with briskly tossed hair steps out behind him, “Oh, bon jour.” She stands on her tippy toes to whisper something into $teve’s ear and…did she just nibble his earlobe? “Thank you, Miss Dupaix. We appreciate your…Passion for your craft. Well, Mister & Misses Smith, I will leave you two to…do as you please. Have a great evening.” As he exits the room, curiosity gets the best of you…and you open the door to the bathroom to reveal…ah ah ah. Patent Pending. Let’s just say a great night is had by all…and oh yeah, the bed was warmed in there somewhere too. You’re intrigued, I know. Just wait until I get into the industry, then we’ll see how this idea goes. Yesterday, the roommate & I went grocery shopping & then to Panda Express, so you know what that means…
Fortune Cookie of the Day – “If you continually give, you will continually have…in bed.” – I knew I did charity for some reason. I’m going to help the recreation center host a senior night…where there will be a spaghetti dinner, a charity auction and of course…BINGO!!! It should be quite the experience…and who knows? Maybe I’ll meet another volunteer there who’s not a big fan of lonely subzero nights. Sometimes just giving to others is a great way to de-stress…and meet new friends…and just have a fun time. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Once again, if you need to distress or need somebody to talk to, you know the digits. Call your Doctor. I always answer…eventually. Have a relaxing evening everybody!!!
Nowadays, there’s a lot of stress out there. Money’s a HUGE one. Do I have enough to survive? Am I getting laid off? Am I going to have to move? What if I can’t make my payments? Will I have to move in with my parents? Will they have a basement to move into? What if I can’t afford good schools for my kids? Why is gas so expensive? Can’t we get like a 55 gallon drum for $70 now? Maybe you’re stressed about work, your family, your friends, finding a future significant other, maybe just an overall anxiety about everything. Well, I’m here to help you…as always. How? I’m going to share with you a few Do’s & Do Not Do’s when it comes to relieving stress…and trust me, I’m a doctor.
One method is just to kick back, relax, maybe pop some popcorn, grab a frosty beer, and watch an entertaining movie. Now, comedies are usually the best for a stressed-out scenario…but that’s not what I watched last night, so deal with it (in the calmest manner possible). The movie that I watched was “Surrogates” starring Bruce Willis as a detective in the not-so-distant future, where 98% of the population live through surrogates (basically robots that serve as their avatars or something) in the real world while they lie in a chair at home. The remaining 2% live on reservations in machine-free zones and are led by Ving Rhames threatening revolution. It comes to a boil when a few people are killed through their surrogates…which isn’t supposed to happen…and of course, Bruce Willis is to the rescue. Did you like “I, Robot”? Then that’s how you’ll feel about this movie. It’s basically the next, more fundamental step in the moral perspective of that movie, where instead of just having robots do all the physical labor…and possibly feel emotions, it’s people living through their robots instead of really living their lives. How much is it like “I, Robot”? The exact same actor (Sir James Cromwell) plays the scientist who created the robots and then saw his creation perverted by corporate greed. Anyway, it was okay. Again, not the best for relieving stress…but it’s an action flick.
Hug a Furry Creature – Pets usually have an incredible ability to help you relieve stress (unless they just pissed all over your apartment). Dogs are always excited to see you when you get home and want nothing more than to just pounce on you and lick you for hours (I know the feeling all too well). Parrots will say “Herro!!!” when you walk in the door…and pussies just love being stroked & played with…and there’s just a great connection when you’re playing with your favorite furry creature. And then there’s PETA. The animal rights group wants organizers of Pennsylvania's Groundhog Day festival to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in (oh yes, they like robots too). People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each February 2nd in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. PETA is suggesting the use of an animatronic model. But William Deeley, president of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club (how’s that for a cloak & dagger type club name?), says the animal is "being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania." (Really? What does that say about kids in Philly?) The groundhog is kept in a climate-controlled environment and is inspected annually by the state Department of Agriculture, while apparently children are taught to fend for themselves at a young age and rummage for food in the frozen tundra of Gobbler’s Knob (oh yeah, it’s a real place). Deeley says PETA isn't interested in Phil from February 2nd on, and is looking for publicity. Sigh… Of course they’re looking for publicity, Punxsutawney Bill. That’s why organizations exist…because if they were just one person b**ching then they wouldn’t make the news. However, I’m a little disturbed at what PETA is suggesting. I mean…surely they know of Phil’s magical powers to predict the future, primarily with regards to weather patterns. Now they suggest there to be a robot that can duplicate these magical powers…and essentially control the weather. I don’t know about you (PETA chairman Cobra Commander) but I shudder to think of it. That sounds like trouble to me…and I won’t have any part of it. Let the Groundhog have his day…and stay away from those coarse, scaly serpents…and hug a furry creature. You’ll feel better. However, you probably don’t want to take it too far…or out of the home…like this guy did on the New York subway. He prefers to be called the Chicken Lover.
Don’t Play Video Games – Some video games may put you at ease…but the vast majority will just frustrate you. “Oh $teve, it’s okay. I’m just going to play a soccer video game. You know how soccer puts me & every other American right to sleep.” Oh really? That may sound like a great idea…but let me tell you a little story about a family in Italy. Once upon a time a few days ago, an Italian man named Fabrizio was playing “FIFA 2009” with his 16-year old son Mario (if he has a brother named Luigi, I’m cry laughing). After a few games, police say an argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son's behavior. Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck with a 15-inch knife before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. The mother Monica told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat. "I saw Mario come back into the room, he seemed calm, he went to the sink and I noticed him washing a knife. Then my husband came into the room with a hand round his neck, dripping blood." The teenager shut himself in his bedroom after the attack and made no attempt to resist arrest, police said. The game had been given to Mario a few days earlier, as a birthday present. "Mario is obsessed. He's forever playing on his PlayStation, and we bought him FIFA 2009 because we didn't want him playing violent games." See? Even video games of non-contact sports can enrage someone into a stabbing mood…and that’s not what you want. Instead, why not relax on your couch…and play a favorite album from “back in the day” that you know all the words too…and reminisce about the memories associated with these tunes. I’m sure there are a few albums that you’re thinking of right now…and if not, then go through your collection. No, not your iPod. I mean the REAL collection. You know, cases with production notes and stuff. That’ll take you back. ”Oh man, I haven’t heard this album in years.”
Stay Out of Traffic – Personally, I know that sometimes going for a little drive can be quite therapeutic and help you to get your head straight about things…and maybe just go on a quick zany adventure…but if you live in the city, just stay at home. Why? You never know when something like this may happen. An East Tennessee man told police that a woman in a vehicle in front of his jumped on his hood and kicked and punched his windshield as he waited for a traffic light to change. The man, John P. Williamson, 37, said the incident was unprovoked. According to The Daily Times of Maryville, police quoted the woman as saying she was being followed (and probably a little high). The 58-year-old woman was arrested and charged with vandalism of more than $500. She was being held in lieu of $1,000 bond pending a hearing Thursday in Blount County General Sessions Court. Menopause sucks. One thing I’ve learned…is you don’t drive angry (or under the influence of medications). That can lead to some pretty bad things. However, I’ve also learned that sometimes the best way to get everything in perspective is to meet up with a great friend or family member…and just talk about the situation. Even if your friend isn’t an expert in…well, anything, sometimes it’s good just to bounce it off somebody else, take in their feedback…and then decide what to do from there. Phones work well for this too…but hey, nothing beats a good ol’ pat on the back or a shoulder to cry on…or just somebody to laugh with. Just stay away from paranoid old ladies behind the wheel.
Rest & Relaxation – Sometimes, there’s just nothing like rolling up in a soft snug blanket, laying on some fresh hot sheets straight out of the dryer, taking a few deep breaths, picturing some beautiful, exotic location…and just zoning out for a few. It’s just a great feeling, right? Well, somebody else feels the same way…and has a way for you to take that feeling on the road. International hotel chain Holiday Inn is offering a trial human bed-warming service at three hotels in Britain this month. Oh yes, I said bed-warming. If requested, a willing staff-member at two of the chain's London hotels and one in the northern English city of Manchester will dress in an all-in-one fleece sleeper suit before slipping between the sheets (ah, I want that job). "The new Holiday Inn bed warmers service is a bit like having a giant hot water bottle in your bed," Holiday Inn spokeswoman Jane Bednall said in an emailed statement to Reuters. The bed-warmer is equipped with a thermometer to measure the bed's required temperature of 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit). Holiday Inn said the warmer would be fully dressed and leave the bed before the guest occupied it (otherwise it costs extra). They could not confirm if the warmer would shower first, but said hair would be covered. Florence Eavis, Holiday Inn spokeswoman told Reuters that the "innovative" bed-warming method was a response to Britain's recent cold weather and marked the launch of 3,200 new Holiday Inns worldwide. She could not explain why the beds were not being warmed by hot water bottles or electric-blankets, but admitted the human method was quirky. Holiday Inn is promoting the service with the help of sleep-expert Chris Idzikowski, director of the Edinburgh Sleep Center, who said the idea could help people sleep. “There's plenty of scientific evidence to show that sleep starts at the beginning of the night when body temperature starts to drop. A warm bed - approximately 20 to 24 Celsius - is a good way to start this process whereas a cold bed would inhibit sleep." And besides, it helps to keep some hot bodies employed. Well, if this service becomes popular and used steadily, then I wish Holiday Inn nothing but luck. It is a great idea…but is it feasible? We shall see. Personally, I don’t think they take it far enough. All you luxury hotel chains out there, just keep in mind…that this idea is Patent Pending…
Imagine arriving at your hotel after a long day of travel to get to your desired location. Last year’s anniversary trip turned out to be pretty bad…but this year’s going to be different. As you open the door, the distinctive odor of Love fills your nostrils (something like a fine mixture of lilac, jasmine, eucalyptus & just a pinch of pheromones a.k.a. stank). A trail of rose petals guide your eyes to the fireplace lit before a presentation of fruit & chocolate strawberries on a soft blanket that seems to be fur or some kind of fuzzy knit pattern. The flames flicker off the centerpiece bottle of wine and seem to make the entire room glow in a magical dance of orange & shadow. You hear the smooth rhythmic vibrations of the perfect harmony of drums, a funky electric guitar, a washboard, and a silky baritone over the radio next to the bed, which has a heart made of more petals over inviting linens covering an overstuffed mattress. The drapes are open wide revealing the majesty of the city at night (or mountain sunset or wherever you are). “Excuse me.” A tall handsome gentleman in an Armani suit steps out of the bathroom tucking in his shirt and fastening the top button of his jacket. “I’m terribly sorry to startle you. My name is $teve, I am the Love Butler here at the hotel. Miss Dupaix is putting the ugh…final preparations in the bathroom but I see that you’ve already noticed the presentation. I’m sure that it’d be quite an exhausting journey here, so please replenish yourselves. Miss Dupaix & I took the time to test, prepare & warm the bed for you and then put on some fresh linens from the dryer. We have several musical selections to choose from that I have arranged in ascending order from mellow to bow chicka bow wow…and if you need anything else…and I mean. Any. Thing. Else. Please do not hesitate to dial extension 6969 and we’d be happy to accommodate.” A voluptuous maid with briskly tossed hair steps out behind him, “Oh, bon jour.” She stands on her tippy toes to whisper something into $teve’s ear and…did she just nibble his earlobe? “Thank you, Miss Dupaix. We appreciate your…Passion for your craft. Well, Mister & Misses Smith, I will leave you two to…do as you please. Have a great evening.” As he exits the room, curiosity gets the best of you…and you open the door to the bathroom to reveal…ah ah ah. Patent Pending. Let’s just say a great night is had by all…and oh yeah, the bed was warmed in there somewhere too. You’re intrigued, I know. Just wait until I get into the industry, then we’ll see how this idea goes. Yesterday, the roommate & I went grocery shopping & then to Panda Express, so you know what that means…
Fortune Cookie of the Day – “If you continually give, you will continually have…in bed.” – I knew I did charity for some reason. I’m going to help the recreation center host a senior night…where there will be a spaghetti dinner, a charity auction and of course…BINGO!!! It should be quite the experience…and who knows? Maybe I’ll meet another volunteer there who’s not a big fan of lonely subzero nights. Sometimes just giving to others is a great way to de-stress…and meet new friends…and just have a fun time. I’ll let you know how it goes.Once again, if you need to distress or need somebody to talk to, you know the digits. Call your Doctor. I always answer…eventually. Have a relaxing evening everybody!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment