Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
A beautiful blizzard blasted the area…but only for about the twenty minute drive to work this morning. I mean it dropped about 3-5 inches in that time with gale force winds...and then as I stopped into my office, the snow stopped, the wind died down, the sky cleared up for a bit...and then it kind of rained off & on throughout the day. Not bad. It could've been a lot worse...and I would be dreading the 6 AM hour tomorrow when I would be shoveling snow off my Jeep. No, not brushing snow off, shoveling. By the way, the first big snow storm here about a month ago was the light powdery stuff that I was used to in Utah. Not too bad when there’s a few feet of that. However, this is the wonderful wet mixture of snow that the locals affectionately call “Sierra Cement” and I kid you not, having worked with cement in the past, the consistency is very similar. Even a few inches will really work out those shoveling muscles…which is a good thing. By the way, I’ve started going to a new recreation center about two miles from my apartment to get back into shape (since it’s been about 9 months since I’ve done physical activity that didn’t involve lifting of furniture or running around like a decapitated chicken). It’s a beautiful facility…but obviously kid oriented. They have special times where you can use the basketball court (usually during nap time) but they also have a track & some weight machines…and it’s only $20 a month, which isn’t that bad. So yeah, your boy $teve’s gonna get ripped like Jesus again…ladies…
Other than that, really not a whole lot to say…so I thought I’d catch you up on the past month of movie watching that I’ve done with fairly brief blurbs about most of them. So just sit back, relax, probably want to do a couple stretches to get comfortable, because it’s gonna be a lot to take in…but you may just learn a little something. (Not the first time I’ve said that…)
Notorious (1946) – NOT to be confused with the Biggie Smalls biopic last year. This is the spy classic directed by Alfred Hitchcock about a government agent (Cary Grant) who recruits an American beauty (the captivating Ingrid Bergman) to spy on her deceased father’s influential Nazi friends in Rio de Janeiro. Of course, the agent & the beauty fall in love…but in order to bring down the Socialist movement, she must get “close” to one of the targets. Like really close. Like marriage. Will this put a strain on their relationship? Will they be able to do the mission? Will the Nazis find out that she’s a spy? Great flick. I highly recommend it.
Fear (1995) – I just watched this one last night for the first time…though I’ve loved the soundtrack for years (remember Bush’s “Sixteen Stone” was the first album that I bought). It’s the story of a 16-year old (Reese Witherspoon) who goes to a party with her friend (Alyssa Milano…rrrrrrrr) and meets a nice boy from the shady side of town (Marky Mark). They fall for one another, he giggidies her geschmougiddy and things are going good…until he decides to flip out and beat the crap out of one of her friends. Then she finds out that he’s a f**king psycho…and the movie goes from there. I actually really liked this movie…and I think it’s because you’ve seen this story a million times before on those sh*tty Lifetime movies and other flicks…but this one’s actually told in a kind of a slow subtle way…and then quickly turns to crazy…and Marky Mark does a good crazy. Check it out if you want.
Avatar (2009) – GO SEE THIS MOVIE IN 3D!!! Period. I don’t know how much I can stress that. According to box office numbers, you all already have…but if you haven’t, then do yourself a favor. Now, I’m going to be honest, the story is basically the same as “Dances with Wolves” and others where a military guy (Sam Worthington) goes into a strange new world full of “savage creatures” and learns their way of life, falls in love with one of them & conflict ensues. However, this is in a gorgeous and incredibly interesting world of neon plants & these ten-foot tall blue cat monkey natives & Sigourney Weaver’s in it. You can’t go wrong there. The entire movie is specifically made for 3D. Every single scene is an absolute treat for the eyes. Mister James Cameron, I would like to apologize for all the bad things that I said about “Titanic” over the years (probably before this blog because I think I shut it out of my mind around the turn of the millennium). Kudos, sir. Kudos. You are WELL on your way to winning a $tevie for Movie of the Year…but the year is young.
Public Enemies (2009) – Do you love “Heat”? Have you ever wondered what it would’ve been like if the movie were set during the Great Depression? And you replaced Al Pacino with Christian Bale? And Robert DeNiro with Johnny Depp? That would be this movie. Seriously. I’m trying to think of ways that it’s different…and it’s really just the wardrobe and the guns used (good ol’ Tommy guns). I’m not saying that it isn’t a great movie…because I love my “Heat” and really just about every Michael Mann movie out there (except “Miami Vice”). I’m just saying, you’ve seen it before…but this time with younger great actors.
Jennifer’s Body (2009) – “$teve, why didn’t you go see this in theatres?” Because I was busy that weekend…and it only lasted one weekend. As my loyal readers would know, I’ve been following this movie for a while. The story of a high school cheerleader (Megan Fox) who is possessed by a demon and devours young men (not metaphorically like other succubi, succubuses, whatever the plural would be) and her best friends (Amanda Seyfried) is the only one that can save the town, told through the quirky dialogue of Diablo Cody (“Juno”). Really though, there’s only one thing that stands out about this movie…and it’s my zipper. By which I say, Megan Fox is really hot…even at creepily inappropriate times it seems. The dialogue is actually quite horrible. The story is…well, it’s what you expect. All in all, looking back on it, there really is only one good thing about it. Scratch that, AMAZING thing about it. Still, give it a shot if you’d like. Probably an okay movie to watch with friends…and I loved the part where I was singing along with Adam Brody to Tommy Tutone’s greatest hit.
District 9 (2009) – Aliens travel millions of light years…and basically their ship breaks down on Earth…and they build a shanty town in Johannesburg, South Africa where they’re treated as second-class citizens. After about twenty years (yes, TWENTY years) the government decides that they’re going to move the shanty town away from the city to the middle of BFE…or I guess BFSA since they aren’t in Egypt. The eviction manager get some black liquid on him and starts to mutate into one of the aliens…so he’s on the run, befriends the one alien who can fly the ship…but only if he gets more of that black liquid and it goes from there. I honestly didn’t care for this movie at all. It seemed…like an incredibly obvious and specific allegory to Apartheid…that then wanted to throw in space travel & aliens somehow to make it interesting. That’s kind of like taking the Diary of Anne Frank…and throwing in vampires. Hmm… It’s okay. I wrote that one down. Patent pending!!!
Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – So the first couple of weeks I was here in Truckee, I decided to see a bunch of slasher classics because…I hadn’t seen them. I told you about how the original “Friday the 13th” is about 13 times better than the sh*tty remake that made last year. So before they remake “Elm Street”, I wanted to check out the original. Teenagers are dying in their sleep…and not like mixing prescriptions…but like slashed by a ghost or something…and nobody knows why. So what to do? Just don’t go to sleep. Well, that’s all well and good for about a week. Then what? This is actually a pretty good slasher film from Wes Craven, who makes some pretty good ones (more on that later). Oh yeah…and Johnny Depp gets killed in this one. Check it out.
The Prowler (1981) – Don’t pay attention to the back-story on this one. You’ll just have too many questions. Basically, I’m gonna spill it out like this. There’s a college graduation dance full of sexually active coeds who know how to party…and some guy (or gal…dun duh duuuuuh…) is killing them. Why? That’s the question. How do they stop them? The police keep dropping like flies too. Anyway, it’s a quintessential slasher film starring…ugh, I think John Saxon was in it. You know, the American guy from “Enter the Dragon”? The real star of the movie though is legendary gory special effects master Tom Savini and his work on this film. Definitely worth a rent on Netflix if you’ve got the chance.
Scream Trilogy (1996-2000) – Classics, all of them, though progressively worse as with most trilogies that aren’t originally built as trilogies. It also amazed me how many notable actors starred in these movies in rather small parts at the time. Seriously. If you haven’t seen these movies, I’m not even going to go over the story, just watch them. It’s basically a slasher movie parodying slasher movies…but still a great slasher movie. I love these flicks…and Neve Campbell still does it for me.
Drag Me to Hell (2009) – Quite possibly the most appropriate title for this movie as I’m sure that many people felt this way after paying $10 to see it in theatres after their friend talked them into seeing it. I don’t even want to talk about it. Sam Raimi, I’m sorry but you should stick to f**king Spiderman movies & Bruce Campbell flicks.
World’s Greatest Dad (2009) – I think Robin Williams is a legendary comedian and an incredibly underrated actor. So when I see he’s doing an independent comedy directed by Bob(cat) Goldthwait (remember him?) then you bet your ass I’m going to watch it. It’s the story of a poetry teacher / frustrated writer / single father (Williams) who is just trying to raise his teenage son, who’s basically a prick. Well, the son dies in a freak accident (autoerotic asphicsiation gone wrong) and to save the family embarrassment, the dad ghostwrites a suicide note. However, the note gets spread throughout the school…and the father sees it as a way to resurrect his writing career. It sounds horrible I know (then again, if you break down the premise of just about every Disney movie, you can make anything sound bad) and that’s why it’s an independent film…but hey, if you’re into indie movies, check it out. You’ll get a few laughs…and maybe a tear or two.
The Girlfriend Experience (2009) – I have no idea what the f**k fellow $teve, director Steven Soderbergh (“Ocean’s 11” movies), was thinking when he decided to do this flick. Granted, it was shot in two weeks on a budget of less than $2 million and the star is porn superstar Sasha Grey but still…come on. Basically it’s like they wrote this story of a high priced call girl and her trainer boyfriend…dropped the script when somebody bumped into them in the hall…and he said, “F**k it, we don’t have time to put them in order, let’s just shoot it all in the order you pick them up. What’s the first scene?” There’s really no point to this movie. Oh, the life of a call girl is complex? Dangerous? Hard on your personal relationships? No sh*t!!! Get a pimp, b**ch. Let us do what we do. Sorry, I ugh…I mean yeah, it is. It’s not for the squares. Anyway, didn’t care for this movie. That’s right, I got to look at a sexy porn star for 80 minutes…and I STILL didn’t care for it. Maybe it’s modern art or something, because I just didn’t get it.
Zombie Strippers (2008) – On the same note, how could a movie TITLED “Zombie Strippers” (two good things) and starring Jenna Jameson & Freddy Kruger, set in a Nebraska gentlemen’s club not be incredibly awesome? Well, it was what you’d expect…and so much worse.
Anyway, hate to end it on a couple sour notes with the movie reviews…but hey, that’s how it works out. I’m here to help. On that note, join me tomorrow when I have a bunch more news ready to share with you…and as always, I like to mix sexy into every soup I make for you. What’s on tap? Mmm, how about my baby mama Milla & Malkovich eating pie on the subway while looking for “artificial stimulation”? Oh yeah. It’s that good…but don’t worry, I’ll make it last. Have a great day everybody…especially the ladies.
A beautiful blizzard blasted the area…but only for about the twenty minute drive to work this morning. I mean it dropped about 3-5 inches in that time with gale force winds...and then as I stopped into my office, the snow stopped, the wind died down, the sky cleared up for a bit...and then it kind of rained off & on throughout the day. Not bad. It could've been a lot worse...and I would be dreading the 6 AM hour tomorrow when I would be shoveling snow off my Jeep. No, not brushing snow off, shoveling. By the way, the first big snow storm here about a month ago was the light powdery stuff that I was used to in Utah. Not too bad when there’s a few feet of that. However, this is the wonderful wet mixture of snow that the locals affectionately call “Sierra Cement” and I kid you not, having worked with cement in the past, the consistency is very similar. Even a few inches will really work out those shoveling muscles…which is a good thing. By the way, I’ve started going to a new recreation center about two miles from my apartment to get back into shape (since it’s been about 9 months since I’ve done physical activity that didn’t involve lifting of furniture or running around like a decapitated chicken). It’s a beautiful facility…but obviously kid oriented. They have special times where you can use the basketball court (usually during nap time) but they also have a track & some weight machines…and it’s only $20 a month, which isn’t that bad. So yeah, your boy $teve’s gonna get ripped like Jesus again…ladies…
Other than that, really not a whole lot to say…so I thought I’d catch you up on the past month of movie watching that I’ve done with fairly brief blurbs about most of them. So just sit back, relax, probably want to do a couple stretches to get comfortable, because it’s gonna be a lot to take in…but you may just learn a little something. (Not the first time I’ve said that…)
Notorious (1946) – NOT to be confused with the Biggie Smalls biopic last year. This is the spy classic directed by Alfred Hitchcock about a government agent (Cary Grant) who recruits an American beauty (the captivating Ingrid Bergman) to spy on her deceased father’s influential Nazi friends in Rio de Janeiro. Of course, the agent & the beauty fall in love…but in order to bring down the Socialist movement, she must get “close” to one of the targets. Like really close. Like marriage. Will this put a strain on their relationship? Will they be able to do the mission? Will the Nazis find out that she’s a spy? Great flick. I highly recommend it.
Fear (1995) – I just watched this one last night for the first time…though I’ve loved the soundtrack for years (remember Bush’s “Sixteen Stone” was the first album that I bought). It’s the story of a 16-year old (Reese Witherspoon) who goes to a party with her friend (Alyssa Milano…rrrrrrrr) and meets a nice boy from the shady side of town (Marky Mark). They fall for one another, he giggidies her geschmougiddy and things are going good…until he decides to flip out and beat the crap out of one of her friends. Then she finds out that he’s a f**king psycho…and the movie goes from there. I actually really liked this movie…and I think it’s because you’ve seen this story a million times before on those sh*tty Lifetime movies and other flicks…but this one’s actually told in a kind of a slow subtle way…and then quickly turns to crazy…and Marky Mark does a good crazy. Check it out if you want.
Avatar (2009) – GO SEE THIS MOVIE IN 3D!!! Period. I don’t know how much I can stress that. According to box office numbers, you all already have…but if you haven’t, then do yourself a favor. Now, I’m going to be honest, the story is basically the same as “Dances with Wolves” and others where a military guy (Sam Worthington) goes into a strange new world full of “savage creatures” and learns their way of life, falls in love with one of them & conflict ensues. However, this is in a gorgeous and incredibly interesting world of neon plants & these ten-foot tall blue cat monkey natives & Sigourney Weaver’s in it. You can’t go wrong there. The entire movie is specifically made for 3D. Every single scene is an absolute treat for the eyes. Mister James Cameron, I would like to apologize for all the bad things that I said about “Titanic” over the years (probably before this blog because I think I shut it out of my mind around the turn of the millennium). Kudos, sir. Kudos. You are WELL on your way to winning a $tevie for Movie of the Year…but the year is young.
Public Enemies (2009) – Do you love “Heat”? Have you ever wondered what it would’ve been like if the movie were set during the Great Depression? And you replaced Al Pacino with Christian Bale? And Robert DeNiro with Johnny Depp? That would be this movie. Seriously. I’m trying to think of ways that it’s different…and it’s really just the wardrobe and the guns used (good ol’ Tommy guns). I’m not saying that it isn’t a great movie…because I love my “Heat” and really just about every Michael Mann movie out there (except “Miami Vice”). I’m just saying, you’ve seen it before…but this time with younger great actors.
Jennifer’s Body (2009) – “$teve, why didn’t you go see this in theatres?” Because I was busy that weekend…and it only lasted one weekend. As my loyal readers would know, I’ve been following this movie for a while. The story of a high school cheerleader (Megan Fox) who is possessed by a demon and devours young men (not metaphorically like other succubi, succubuses, whatever the plural would be) and her best friends (Amanda Seyfried) is the only one that can save the town, told through the quirky dialogue of Diablo Cody (“Juno”). Really though, there’s only one thing that stands out about this movie…and it’s my zipper. By which I say, Megan Fox is really hot…even at creepily inappropriate times it seems. The dialogue is actually quite horrible. The story is…well, it’s what you expect. All in all, looking back on it, there really is only one good thing about it. Scratch that, AMAZING thing about it. Still, give it a shot if you’d like. Probably an okay movie to watch with friends…and I loved the part where I was singing along with Adam Brody to Tommy Tutone’s greatest hit.
District 9 (2009) – Aliens travel millions of light years…and basically their ship breaks down on Earth…and they build a shanty town in Johannesburg, South Africa where they’re treated as second-class citizens. After about twenty years (yes, TWENTY years) the government decides that they’re going to move the shanty town away from the city to the middle of BFE…or I guess BFSA since they aren’t in Egypt. The eviction manager get some black liquid on him and starts to mutate into one of the aliens…so he’s on the run, befriends the one alien who can fly the ship…but only if he gets more of that black liquid and it goes from there. I honestly didn’t care for this movie at all. It seemed…like an incredibly obvious and specific allegory to Apartheid…that then wanted to throw in space travel & aliens somehow to make it interesting. That’s kind of like taking the Diary of Anne Frank…and throwing in vampires. Hmm… It’s okay. I wrote that one down. Patent pending!!!
Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – So the first couple of weeks I was here in Truckee, I decided to see a bunch of slasher classics because…I hadn’t seen them. I told you about how the original “Friday the 13th” is about 13 times better than the sh*tty remake that made last year. So before they remake “Elm Street”, I wanted to check out the original. Teenagers are dying in their sleep…and not like mixing prescriptions…but like slashed by a ghost or something…and nobody knows why. So what to do? Just don’t go to sleep. Well, that’s all well and good for about a week. Then what? This is actually a pretty good slasher film from Wes Craven, who makes some pretty good ones (more on that later). Oh yeah…and Johnny Depp gets killed in this one. Check it out.
The Prowler (1981) – Don’t pay attention to the back-story on this one. You’ll just have too many questions. Basically, I’m gonna spill it out like this. There’s a college graduation dance full of sexually active coeds who know how to party…and some guy (or gal…dun duh duuuuuh…) is killing them. Why? That’s the question. How do they stop them? The police keep dropping like flies too. Anyway, it’s a quintessential slasher film starring…ugh, I think John Saxon was in it. You know, the American guy from “Enter the Dragon”? The real star of the movie though is legendary gory special effects master Tom Savini and his work on this film. Definitely worth a rent on Netflix if you’ve got the chance.
Scream Trilogy (1996-2000) – Classics, all of them, though progressively worse as with most trilogies that aren’t originally built as trilogies. It also amazed me how many notable actors starred in these movies in rather small parts at the time. Seriously. If you haven’t seen these movies, I’m not even going to go over the story, just watch them. It’s basically a slasher movie parodying slasher movies…but still a great slasher movie. I love these flicks…and Neve Campbell still does it for me.
Drag Me to Hell (2009) – Quite possibly the most appropriate title for this movie as I’m sure that many people felt this way after paying $10 to see it in theatres after their friend talked them into seeing it. I don’t even want to talk about it. Sam Raimi, I’m sorry but you should stick to f**king Spiderman movies & Bruce Campbell flicks.
World’s Greatest Dad (2009) – I think Robin Williams is a legendary comedian and an incredibly underrated actor. So when I see he’s doing an independent comedy directed by Bob(cat) Goldthwait (remember him?) then you bet your ass I’m going to watch it. It’s the story of a poetry teacher / frustrated writer / single father (Williams) who is just trying to raise his teenage son, who’s basically a prick. Well, the son dies in a freak accident (autoerotic asphicsiation gone wrong) and to save the family embarrassment, the dad ghostwrites a suicide note. However, the note gets spread throughout the school…and the father sees it as a way to resurrect his writing career. It sounds horrible I know (then again, if you break down the premise of just about every Disney movie, you can make anything sound bad) and that’s why it’s an independent film…but hey, if you’re into indie movies, check it out. You’ll get a few laughs…and maybe a tear or two.
The Girlfriend Experience (2009) – I have no idea what the f**k fellow $teve, director Steven Soderbergh (“Ocean’s 11” movies), was thinking when he decided to do this flick. Granted, it was shot in two weeks on a budget of less than $2 million and the star is porn superstar Sasha Grey but still…come on. Basically it’s like they wrote this story of a high priced call girl and her trainer boyfriend…dropped the script when somebody bumped into them in the hall…and he said, “F**k it, we don’t have time to put them in order, let’s just shoot it all in the order you pick them up. What’s the first scene?” There’s really no point to this movie. Oh, the life of a call girl is complex? Dangerous? Hard on your personal relationships? No sh*t!!! Get a pimp, b**ch. Let us do what we do. Sorry, I ugh…I mean yeah, it is. It’s not for the squares. Anyway, didn’t care for this movie. That’s right, I got to look at a sexy porn star for 80 minutes…and I STILL didn’t care for it. Maybe it’s modern art or something, because I just didn’t get it.
Zombie Strippers (2008) – On the same note, how could a movie TITLED “Zombie Strippers” (two good things) and starring Jenna Jameson & Freddy Kruger, set in a Nebraska gentlemen’s club not be incredibly awesome? Well, it was what you’d expect…and so much worse.Anyway, hate to end it on a couple sour notes with the movie reviews…but hey, that’s how it works out. I’m here to help. On that note, join me tomorrow when I have a bunch more news ready to share with you…and as always, I like to mix sexy into every soup I make for you. What’s on tap? Mmm, how about my baby mama Milla & Malkovich eating pie on the subway while looking for “artificial stimulation”? Oh yeah. It’s that good…but don’t worry, I’ll make it last. Have a great day everybody…especially the ladies.
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