Monday, June 1, 2009

Liquid Hot Magma

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, starting tomorrow morning, I'm officially flying solo at work. They've issued me my badge, gun, even my own desk, and now I can dispense justice to the foul and give back to the righteous...or whatever it is that I do...but I like to make it sound like I'm a superhero...that packs heat. Like Batman with an AK-47. I'd love to see that on the next Batman movie. "AHAHAHAHAHA!!! You see, Batman? You'll never be able to stop me from destroying Gotham...because you believe in righteousness and..." RATATATATATATAT!!! "You're right, Joker. I do believe in righteousness. The righteousness to bear arms...b**ch. Anybody else want a piece of this?" Yeah, I know that half the allure of Batman is that he kicks so much ass without resorting to the lowest common denominator...but I also like to be surprised once in a while (except for the occasional pinkslip & positive test result). What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the job. Still employed for the time being. I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Saturday, I spent the afternoon with my buddy Chris and we watched a bunch of movies that we've seen before so I won't bore you with all the details (Season 2 of Drawn Together, Vanishing Point, etc) and had a few beers...because it was the weekend, that's why? Sunday, we met up with my dad and went to see "Terminator: Salvation" starring Christian Bale & Sam Worthington. Those two I knew about...and I was pleasantly surprised to see Moon Bloodgood ("Pathfinder"), Bryce Dallas Howard ("Lady in the Water"), Common, Michael Ironsides ("Total Recall" & "Starship Troopers") and Anton Yelchin, who played Checkov in the new "Star Trek" movie...and a teenage Kyle Reese in this one...so he's having a great month. Anyway, the movie's of course about the Terminators...and it's set in the not so distant future where the few humans that are left are trying to survive and destroy Skynet (the robots). Now, as a kid, I used to wonder why they never did a Terminator movie set in the future (just the few minutes at the beginning of the original and the occasional flashback) so I was really excited to see this flick...and it didn't disappoint. Christian Bale was intense...and Sam Worthington ("Macbeth" if you wanna see him in something else) was awesome as the robot that thinks he's human (it's not a spoiler if it's in the preview). There are a lot of elements of the human condition thrown in (maybe even a little too much) but there's also a LOT of action & explosions & general badassery and it's definitely worthy of the Terminator series. My hat's off to McG for not turning it into Charlie's Angels too. He kept it real (for being in the self-aware cyborg time traveling infinite energy fathering somebody twenty years your senior paradox world). It really is a great flick...and I highly recommend it. Could've used a little Michael Biehn though...but Ironsides was pretty cool too. Go see it...or the machines win.

After the day at the theatre, we went to my dad's for a little barbecue...and during that time, we watched (gasp) another movie. This one...was not so good. It was "Journey to the Center of the Earth" starring Brendan Fraser and loosely based on the Jules Verne story. Now, this was a 3D movie released last summer I think...and unless you're one of the five people that went to see it, let me tell you the story. A professor of tectonic movement (Fraser) is watching his nephew for ten days...and has to go to Iceland to check on a sensor that his professor brother set a decade ago just before he mysteriously disappeared. Now, they go to Iceland...and meet a hottie whose father was also a professor (coincidence). Then they go to check the sensor...and lo and behold, they end up getting trapped in a cave and fall down a hole and end up in the center of the Earth, where instead of liquid hot magma and incredible pressure, there's dinosaurs and wildlife and an ocean. Yeah, so about every thirty seconds or so, you'll find yourself with something else to disbelieve...but that's not what got me. What got me...was that it was basically a Super Mario Brothers movie. How? Well, there were (I kid you not) tubes that took you to underground worlds loaded with precious jewels, fish flying up out of the water to bite you, man-eating plants, floating pieces of rock that seemed to go in predictable patterns, and dinosaurs with abnormally large heads for their bodies. It got to the point where I was expecting the T-Rex to start throwing hammers...and walk away from the TV. It was moreso Super Mario than the Super Mario Movie was. You remember, the one with Dennis Hopper as the lizard King Koopa and the Italian plumber brothers being played by John Leguizamo & Australian Bob Hoskins. Oh, you've blocked that out of your memory too? I'm not even mentioning the concept of riding super hot steam from a volcanic vent in nothing but a skull...or some of the other things...but yeah, that being said, it's an okay kids movie...but I don't want my kids watching it. Then they'd go try to ride a piece of wood across one of the geysers at Yellowstone or something. It had its moments and the hottie was sufficiently hot...but I'd go ahead and pass...as I'm sure you already have.

Last on the docket is "The Machinist" starring Christian Bale again. This is the story of Trevor (Bale) who is an insomniac and hasn't slept in a year...and it really shows (he's like 120 pounds...like Kate Moss with a goatee). He confides in his call-girl girlfriend (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and works with machinery (hence the title) but starts getting visited by a guy that only he can apparently see...and things start to jumble together...and he may be slipping into madness...or maybe something much more sinister & twisted (dun dun duuuuuuuh). You'll have to watch the movie to find out what happens...but yeah, it's good. The lines of reality are blurred and you can't really tell what's real & what's not...and Bale gives a great performance...and there's all the good things that you look for in an R-rated movie...but not in excess. So yeah, check it out. Be warned though ladies. This isn't the superhunky Batman Bale that you're used to. The dude looks brittle. Apparently he's a method actor. So watch it for the story, not the eye candy. Trust me though, it's still worth it.

Other than that, Lilie's in town so I might get to see her and have a Rock Band Party on Friday or something. Anybody interested? Stop on by the apartment for good booze, good friends, and good times. My brother's getting back into the dating game apparently...and I honestly don't think he's ever been on a date date. The only time I recall was when he was 15 and I was chauffeuring him & his date to watch "The Mummy" (the Fraser one, not the original with Boris Karloff). My dad asked me to give him some tips...but I don't know if that's so wise...because I don't even have a good batting average of them showing up. Once they show up I usually hit it out of the park...but yeah. I'll pass my knowledge onto him...during a five minute phone call probably. I'd love to share my tactics...but that'll cost ya. Anyway, have a great night everybody!!!

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