Why Haven't I?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, we won our softball game last night. I’d like to take all the credit but…that wouldn’t be true at all. I was the reserve, which basically meant that I BS’d in the dugout and cheered those in the field on…which I’m totally cool with. Like I’ve said before, baseball isn’t my thing. I don’t have a burning desire to play it like I do for basketball, nor the respective skill set…but when I’m out there, I do alright & try my best, which is all you can really ask for. So yeah, we won…which is awesome. Both my mom & my dad are setting up plans to come visit me. My dad & stepmom are coming for 4th of July week (and now are considering a road trip down to San Fran after seeing some of my pictures) while my mom wants to come for her birthday in August with the whole family (stepdad, brother, niece, nephew, Alicia, etc) so we’ll see how that all works out. Other than that, not a whole lot going on directly right now…but I’ll be sure to keep you posted as the weather warms up. Oh I just can’t wait for the outdoor activities here in Tahoe. It’s going to be amazing. So in the meantime, I guess here’s some news…

And Then There Was One – It’s a sad day as Betty White finds herself the Last Girl Standing. Rue McClanahan, the Emmy-winning actress who brought the sexually liberated Southern belle Blanche Devereaux to life on the hit TV series "The Golden Girls," has died. She was 76. Her manager Barbara Lawrence said McClanahan died Thursday at 1 a.m. of a stroke. She had undergone treatment for breast cancer in 1997 and later lectured to cancer support groups on "aging gracefully." In 2009, she had heart bypass surgery. McClanahan had an active career in off-Broadway and regional stages in the 1960s before she was tapped for TV in the 1970s for the key best-friend character on the hit series "Maude," starring Beatrice Arthur. After that series ended in 1978, McClanahan landed the role as Aunt Fran on "Mama's Family" in 1983. But her most loved role came in 1985 when she co-starred with Arthur, Betty White and Estelle Getty in "The Golden Girls," a runaway hit that broke the sitcom mold by focusing on the foibles of four aging — and frequently eccentric — women living together in Miami. "Golden Girls" aimed to show "that when people mature, they add layers," she told The New York Times in 1985. "They don't turn into other creatures. The truth is we all still have our child, our adolescent, and your young woman living in us." Blanche, who called her father "Big Daddy," was a frequent target of roommates Dorothy, Rose and the outspoken Sophia (Getty), who would fire off zingers at Blanche such as, "Your life's an open blouse." After "The Golden Girls" was canceled in 1992, McClanahan, White and Getty reprised their roles in a short-lived spin-off, "Golden Palace." McClanahan continued working in television, on stage and in film, appearing in the Jack Lemmon-Walter Matthau vehicle "Out to Sea" and yes, as the biology teacher in possibly the best bad movie ever made "Starship Troopers." She later went onto off-Broadway productions but will always be remembered as Blanche (basically Samantha from Sex & the City in about twenty years…okay, ten). My condolences go out to her family. Okay, enough of the sappy stuff, let’s dirty it up a bit…

Horniest Dinosaur Update - A group of US paleontologists said Friday it has unearthed a new species of dinosaurs standing some six feet tall and weighing up to 4.5 tons, with the longest horns of any dinosaur previously discovered. The 72-million-year-old herbivore, now named Coahuilaceratops magnacuerna, has two large horns above its eyes measuring up to an impressive four feet (1.22 meters) long -- the largest of any other species, providing fresh insight into the history of western North America. Scientists uncovered fossils belonging to both an adult and a juvenile of the rhino-sized tubby creature at the Cerro del Pueblo Formation in Coahuila, Mexico. It measured about 22 feet (6.7 meters) long as an adult, standing six to seven feet (1.8 to two meters) tall at the shoulder and hips. "We know very little about the dinosaurs of Mexico, and this find increases immeasurably our knowledge of the dinosaurs living in Mexico during the Late Cretaceous," said the study's lead author Mark Loewen, a paleontologist with the Utah Museum of Natural History. His team is to release a book next week detailing the find, which took place during expeditions in 2002 and 2003 in the Coahuila desert. The study was funded by the National Geographic Society and the University of Utah (GO UTES!!!). When dinosaurs lived in this corner of Mexico, it was a lush, humid estuary where ocean water mixed with fresh water from rivers, similar to the US Gulf Coast today (so all the fossil fuels going into the Gulf Coast is kinda like a homecoming). Many dinosaur bones unearthed in the area are covered with fossilized snails and marine clams, indicating that the creatures lived close to the seashore. The rocks in which the paleontologists found Coahuilaceratops contained large fossil deposits of jumbled duck-bill dinosaur skeletons. According to the scientists, the dinosaurs likely died en mass in the area due to storms similar to present-day hurricanes. During most of the Late Cretaceous Period, 97 to 65 million years ago, high global sea levels led to flooding of the central, low-lying portion of North America. Ultimately, a warm, shallow sea emerged, stretching from the Gulf of Mexico to the Arctic Ocean and splitting the continent into eastern and western landmasses. "We are confident that Mexican dinosaurs will be a critical element in unraveling the ancient mystery of this island continent," said Scott Sampson of the Utah Museum of Natural History. The end of the period also marks the extinction of dinosaurs after a massive six-mile (10-kilometer) long asteroid hit the Earth, according to the most widely accepted theory. The impact is said to have lifted so much dust that the planet was plunged into darkness for several years, killing off a larger number of plants, followed by herbivores and carnivores. Nearly 80% of the Earth's living species died as a result of the disaster (yet the snakes somehow survived, coincidence?). So now you all know the answer to the questions of “What’s the horniest dinosaur?” Sorry Licholatapus!!! You’re still my favorite though.

Sexbot Update – Smooth transition from the past to the future. Bomb squads from around New Mexico got a chance to sharpen their skills by using a remote-controlled robot — not to blow things up, but to make pancakes. The Robot Rodeo was held last week at a tech site at Los Alamos National Laboratory. The three-day event offered hours of hands-on training at the controls of $225,000 robots used for bomb and hazardous waste detection and disposal. Six teams guided robots through 10 challenges, including an obstacle course, simulated attacks, cooperation exercises and activities to test their ability to minutely control the robot, said Chris Ory, a member of Los Alamos lab's hazardous devices team. Controlling the robot was where pancake-making came into play. Teams from the state police and Santa Fe Police Department controlled robots while watching video monitors from vehicles parked outside a small building where two judges sat, ready with syrup and butter to taste their pancakes. Tables on either side of the room held griddles, pancake mix in a pitcher and a spatula. Each team had to mix the batter, then cook four pancakes and bring two plates to the table. Judges Valine Griego and Erica DeSmett, coordinators from Sandia National Laboratory, rejected the state police robot's creation. "It's only cooked on one side," Griego said. Jose Salazar, the state police bomb squad assistant commander controlling the robot, also sampled the pancake. "I'm glad it's pancakes and not public safety," he said. On the Santa Fe team, Officer Scott Waite painstakingly maneuvered the robot through the pour and flip. Waite scooped the pancake from the side for the flip. He lucked out when his second pancake broke in half during the flip, so he created two pancakes out of one. The robot delivered the first plate perfectly. Griego, DeSmett and honorary judge Mary Salazar, a Los Alamos lab intern, poured syrup and took their bites. Salazar pronounced the pancakes "pretty good." So how is this a Sexbot Update? Well… I mean, it goes without saying… but after a long, exhausting night of Passion…who doesn’t want pancakes the next morning? They’re trying to translate the motor skills needed to make the perfect stack of flapjacks for post-coital breakfast in bed. I mean… obviously, right? Why else would you have quarter-million-dollar robots meant for massive explosions (in my pants) going through obstacle courses (like an unkept living room and/or kitchen) and finish it all by having them make pancakes? For a publicity stunt? Not likely.

Marilyn Update - The only known photograph of President John F. Kennedy with Marilyn Monroe was released yesterday. "There is no other known photo of Bobby (Kennedy) with Marilyn or JFK with Marilyn and it's not because they were never photographed together," filmmaker Keya Morgan, who owns the only original prints of it, told CNN. "In fact, they were photographed together many times, but the Secret Service and the FBI confiscated every single photograph." The photo was taken by White House photographer Cecil Stoughton, who said the Secret Service missed one photo. "The Secret Service came in when he was developing the negatives and basically confiscated all the ones of Jack, Bobby with Marilyn. The only one that survived is the one that was in the dryer." The photo occurred after Marilyn Monroe's sexy rendition of "Happy Birthday," sung for President John F. Kennedy's 45th birthday celebration (Mmm… memories…). It was widely rumored the two were having an affair. It marked the actress's last major public appearance before her mysterious death in August 1962. President Kennedy appears to be turning away from the camera, something he rarely did (ugh, looks like he’s subtly checkin’ out the goods to me), while his brother Bobby, the U.S. Attorney General, looks toward them. Historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr., is seen in the photo holding a drink and cigar. He later wrote about it. "The image of this exquisite, beguiling and desperate girl will always stay with me. I do not think I have seen anyone so beautiful; I was enchanted by her manner and her wit, at once so masked, so ingenuous and so penetrating (giggidy!!!). Bobby Kennedy and I engaged in mock competition for her; she was most agreeable to him and pleasant to me, but one never felt her to be wholly engaged," Schlesinger wrote in a passage included in his book "Journals: 1952-2000." The photographer, Cecil Stoughton, said Jackie Kennedy refused to attend the birthday party because Marilyn Monroe was there. "He's the one who told Jackie that Marilyn was going to be at the celebration, and her exact words were 'Screw Jack,' and she left the room and she did not go to the famous celebration," Morgan said. That sounded like an order from First Lady Jackie-O. So here you are. I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen this picture before…so I don’t know about the never before released stuff…but here’s all three of them (JFK, Bobby & Marilyn) in the same place at the same time. Happy birthday, Mr. President!!!

Jean Luc Picard Knighted - Patrick Stewart has been upgraded from Captain to Knight. The actor, most famous for playing Captain Jean-Luc Picard on "Star Trek: The Next Generation", officially became Sir Patrick Stewart when he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace on Wednesday. While "Star Trek" introduced him to a different group of fans, Stewart is also a widely respected stage actor. The 69-year-old actor discovered the theater as a child, and said "my heroes were Sir Laurence Olivier, Sir John Gielgud, Sir Alec Guinness." That’s right, the heroes that inspired Patrick Stewart were Lawrence of Arabia, Arthur’s butler & Obe Wan Kenobi. Think about that. Being "in that company is the grandest thing that has professionally happened to me." Stewart joined Britain's storied Royal Shakespeare Company in his 20s, and in 2008 was nominated for a Tony award for the leading role in "Macbeth." Congratulations, Sir Patrick. Who knew that somebody providing a voice on “American Dad” could possibly get such a prestigious honor? “Smith, do you have any Gatorade? I seem to have left all my electrolytes with your daughter.”

Tony Jaa Update – If you’re anything like me, you’re wondering when the f**k the next Tony Jaa movie is coming out. Really? Nobody out there cares? Well, I’m gonna update you anyway…because it’s kinda crazy. Well, I guess I should just rip it off like a band-aid. The Thai action star Tony Jaa has quit the film industry according to Twitchfilm. According to the site, the actor rode an elephant to a temple in Surin, Thailand, where he shaved his head, took vows, and was officially ordained as a Buddhist monk late last week. However Jaa's time away is not being seen as a permanent move, and the expectation is he will not remain in the monastery forever. Why would he do this? Well Twitchfilm also have a long but utterly fascinating possible explanation involving failed film projects, contractual obligations, Jaa's previous two month disappearance and more…but then again, maybe it’s just his own personal journey. Sure, I can try to say he should get back to revolutionizing martial arts movies and show off his raw physical ability to some of the silliest plots ever…but I also have to look at it from his perspective. He’s a proud Thai man…and a world-renowned representative of his land & people…and they’re in a bit of turmoil right now (Remember the Red Shirts? Yeah, still going on). I’m sure there have been a few trying times with the movie industry too. There was a lot of rumors in the past about trying to get Tony into a major Hollywood pictures…but it’s really hard to do when somebody doesn’t speak any English whatsoever. I mean… think of Jet Li in “Lethal Weapon 4” back in the day. “In Hong Kong, you’d be dead.” I think that was his only line, right? The rest was angry looks and kicking ass. It’s hard to work a feasible character like that into a big budget movie. So what’s a man to do? I don’t know…and maybe he doesn’t know…and that’s why he’s going to try to seek some enlightenment. This is very similar to what football player Ricky Williams did a few years back. In your prime, just getting worldwide notoriety…and then exit stage left in a fairly mysterious way. I watched that “Run Ricky Run” documentary…and it’s a pretty good one. I recommend it. I just hope that Tony finds what he’s looking for. And if that means “Ong Bak 3”, “The Protector 2” or a small role on “Ocean’s 14” with me…then that’s awesome. If not, it’s his life. More power to him.

We’ve all had those impulses, right? One day, we just kinda stop, look around at our situation, and wonder why? Why do I go to do a job that I can’t f**king stand? Why do I need more money? What’s really important to me? Who’s really there for me? Am I being all that I can be? Can I be doing more? What then? Am I giving back to my fellow man? Is this the path that I should be on? Why do I have so much sh*t that I don’t need or even use? Why haven’t I seen the world? What do I really want? What do I really need? What should I be doing with my life? Am I living or just surviving? Then you start getting thoughts like selling all of your worldly possessions, buying a boat & a bicycle, and just going on adventures all over the world with nothing but the clothes on your back, a backpack full of equipment, a pocket full of miracles and…maybe your passport. Maybe not even a boat. You don’t want to deal with Pirates. You go “Into the Wild” style and just hitchhike all over the landmasses, maybe do some rough boat labor to get a ride to the other side of the pond, wander around there, picking up the languages as you go along, your stupid charms warm the hearts of everybody you meet, you keep a journal so that later you can go do what it says on your future resume and “go Kerouac on everybody’s ass.” It doesn’t sound like that bad of an existence, right? Yeah, it’d be a little lonely…but you’d meet people along the way. Some good, some bad, one may be the Love of your life, another may be the prime suspect in your disappearance, then again…that’s pretty much how it is anyway, right? Maybe it’s not just you. Maybe you and your best friend go off on this adventure together. Maybe you set up little grifts to get by and gypsy & hustle your way across the globe enjoying all the experience that life has to offer. You could basically do anything. See the sun rise off the shore of Thailand, set at the Grand Canyon, walk along the entirety of the Great Wall of China, help feed children in Somalia, stroll through the streets of Paris, fish for salmon in the Yukon with only the Northern Lights to illuminate you, go on a true walkabout in Australia, explore the ancient ruins of Peru, learn a new way of life from the few remaining Apache, grow tulips in the Netherlands, pick pineapples in the South Pacific, go through the trials to become a Zulu Warrior, just go and see anything that you’ve ever heard about or dreamed of or had never even thought could possibly be true.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder why the hell I haven’t done it. I know I’ve ranted like this before after watching “Into the Wild” but…I don’t know. Maybe I don’t have the self-confidence to give it all up and become a true wandering nomad. Maybe I’m a little scared at the thought of being all by myself. Maybe I’d be too lonely and miss my family. Maybe I want to see my niece & nephew grow up and be adventurous. Maybe I’d like to raise a family someday and I don’t really see that happening during my adventures. Then again, my stupid charms would be working on some beautiful women during my travels. Maybe I think too much about things like finding food, having a bed to sleep in, not smelling like ass, little things like that. Maybe it’s the concerns about what if something bad happens? What if I get hurt? What if the person with me gets hurt or sick? What if we get attacked by muggers? Or pirates? Or grizzly bears? Or a f**king panda? Hmm, okay that last one might kind of a cool way to go…but still, all these what if’s? Well, what if that happens to you now anyway? It’s just one of those reoccurring thoughts that I often have…and it obviously just raises more questions than answers. I admire people like Alisa’s friend Jen who basically does this. Hell, if she’d have me, she may just have a new traveling companion. The other day she posted a bunch of tips for preparing for one of these journeys that she does…and I was reading it and thinking once again “How am I not already doing this?” Moving the past few years has taught me one thing, I don’t need a lot of sh*t. Most of the world has NOTHING except the Love in their heart and they get by just fine. A wise man once said “All you need is Love.” And honestly, a lot of the time you can deal without all that f**king drama anyway. You can tell me that those people living solely on Love & no possessions only live until their forty-something but…if you think about it, 40 years of living versus 100 years of surviving. I don’t know. I may be talking myself into never updating this blog again. You all may just have to wait until my memoirs come out in 20 years or so when I come out of my world tour with facial hair, new scars & a bunch of stories (and don’t worry, I’d find a way to take pictures too). Sometimes I feel kinda bad for thinking like this. Damn Christian principles of moderation & contentment. I’ve truly been blessed and have seen MANY beautiful and wonderful things in my life…and I want more. Like a f**king crack fiend.

I feel like I haven’t even scratched the surface. It’s a weird thing. I know how lucky I am. Surrounded by incredible people, living in what’s probably the most beautiful place in all of the world, having a job that I actually enjoy doing very much & allows me to travel quite a bit, a plethora of charms & skills at my disposal, a positive nature that only wants to help people and make them smile and be happy every single day, a big beautiful body in excellent physical condition, a brilliant mind (if I say so myself) that always seems to find the best in everything & everyone and is constantly yearning to grow and be the best that it can be, and yet… I feel like there’s something missing… and the worst part is that I have no idea what it is. It’s not like a depressing void that can only be filled with hard drugs & soft tail or anything like that. I just get the feeling that I could…and therefore SHOULD be doing more. Then the question is “What should you be doing?” (shrug shoulders) No clue. Peace Corps? Kerouac? Go on adventures & share my insights with the world? Find the cure to cancer? Repopulate the Earth with gigantic children? Clean up the Gulf Coast? Go out and hug every person that I walk by on the streets? Write children’s books? Rob banks? Become a freelance handsome companion aka non-profit gigolo? Go to China and train Pandas to fight for their lives? Become an erotic novelist? Sail the world like a trash bag in an updraft? At the very least, when I get home from work, do something besides workout, cook, blog or talk on the phone? Like…I don’t know, paint pinecones or something? Be a positive male role model to inner city kids? See, I’ve found that this is what happens when you have an overactive mind, a lot of imagination & a little free time when you’re not completely focused on something. Who would have ever thought that Tony Jaa would inspire me to ramble on like this? So yeah. Been thinking a lot. As usual. Am I gonna become a nomadic truth-seeker by morning? Probably not. Am I going to shave my head & learn kung fu at a monastery? Anything’s possible. Will you never hear from me again…or at least until the aforementioned memoirs comes out? Hell no. You mean too much to me…and I would send postcards. Have I inspired you to cast away your mental shackles and go forth to explore the world on your own? I sincerely doubt it…but if so, I wish you nothing but the best.

What will tomorrow bring? Who knows? Will I just go back into my routine like any other weekday? There’s nothing wrong with a normal life. Will I load Gretchen up with what I need to survive and head for the coast? Don’t think that I don’t have the balls to do something like that. The Dude abides…and honestly, if Ginger wants her rent money then she can come get it after she makes the minor fixes…or sell my bed, couch, projector TV, PS3, DVD collection (CD’s will be coming with me), & all the other crap that I leave behind in my apartment to make the difference. I’m sure my roommate wouldn’t even notice for a while. “Dude, I thought you were just on vacation again.” If the dealership wants Gretchen back, they’ll have to find us first…and I’d have a few months headstart. I have a few buddies who drive trucks across the country anyway. My transportation needs would be met somehow. Would I miss my job? I’d hate to leave them high and dry…and I’d miss the people that I work with…but it wouldn’t be enough to stop me from a fantastic voyage. Am I really going to do this? More than likely not. However, you can see why this might have a grand appeal to me…so don’t be too surprised when/if I take this massive collection of awesomeness that is me & leave this career of mediocre servitude in order to fulfill my seemingly insatiable appetite for all things real, imaginary & spiritual. Then again, who knows? Maybe I find the right lady some day soon…and we decide to go off on a whimsical romantic adventure of exploration. Anything’s possible…and even more possible when you realize how little sh*t you really need to get by. The sad thing is that I also wonder “Is this how the Unabomber started? Did he have thoughts like this before he went off in the woods & convinced himself to start his own personal jihad on materialism or whatever?” It does sound a little crazy…but then again, if you’ve been reading this or know me at all, then you know I’m a little crazy…and will full-heartedly admit it. I prefer the term “eccentric” but I’m not rich enough to use that kind of language just yet. Hence the title of my blog, the Eclectic Eccentric. Basically a lot of great things thrown together with a little crazy. I’m just saying…maybe it’s time to take this collection on the road. I don’t know. What do you think? Are you interested? Wanna come along with? Am I nucking futz? Do I have a problem with rational thought? That’s just it, I don’t think I do. I know the dangers. I’m an educated man. I’ve got the meaningless pieces of paper & financial debt to prove it (okay, so there’s no financial debt but still). I’m aware of the risks & rewards, pros & cons, ups & downs, goodies & baddies, all the possibilities on either end of the spectrum. Believe me, if there’s one thing that I do too much, it’s think about everything. It has its good & bad qualities. Looking at it though, it just seems like a bold & amazing choice…and kinda what I’m looking for in a way…and in some other ways not…but obviously, so far the former is outweighing the latter. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just crazy. Maybe I just feel unattached and am looking for something to latch onto subconsciously. It’s like my mom told me last week, “Every Paradise has its Price.”

So I asked my mom if I was crazy for thinking about it. Wanna know what she said? “No it is not crazy. I have had the thought myself many times. What stops me is I don't trust people enough to take care of me, so I have to take care of myself. So you want out of the daily grind huh!!! You just need to get a couple babies to worry about and then you will want to do everything you can to protect them from the world. (smiley face)” That’s her answer for everything – Having babies. Hey mom, what do you think I should major in at college? “Having babies” What’s for dinner? “Having babies” Gross. Did you hear about Angelina & Brad Pitt? “Having babies.” Sigh…lucky guess. Anyway, you get the point. So is it I want out of the daily grind? Eh, I’ve grown comfortable with the daily grind…but then again, I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone. I don’t really think that has much to do with it. Routine has its rewards in consistency.

In summation, maybe I just need to get out there and do more, which will be a lot easier with the weather warming up. Maybe I’m just bored…and a little lonely…and thinking about drastic changes like some people think about wallpaper. “Let’s just paint the whole house maroon.” I guess whatever goes down, I’ll be sure to keep you posted. I do know how lucky I am to have this incredible life…and I almost feel like I’m kinda disrespecting it by basically threatening to scrap it & go looking for a new one. It’s just thoughts that I have…and like I’ve said repeatedly, the more I think about it, why not? Anyway, thanks for listening to me rambling on & on & on about this for a while now. Who knows? Maybe I inspired you somehow (doubt it). I guess for right now, I’ll just continue going to work & keep my possessions for now. You know, in case I need them later on. Saturday is Truckee Clean-Up Day with a town-wide block party afterwards which should be awesome. Do some charity work, meet some new people, hang out with neighbors & coworkers, have a few lunch beers, maybe they’ll have brats on the grill or something, good times…and who knows where the evening may take us? That’s the plan. Hope you all enjoy my little spiels. If you’re worried about me or would like to discuss this further, please feel free to contact me. You all know the digits. Have a great weekend everybody!!!