Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Steady Lovin' Woman Gon' Come My Way

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Two days from now, my dad & stepmom are going to be here…so if you don’t hear from me for a few days, please don’t worry. I’ll just be enjoying time with the family including a four-day weekend. Not a whole lot to really say or catch up on. Shot some hoops at the park yesterday…and pretty much had the court to myself which is a rarity in this outstanding weather. No softball leagues on Mondays, just practice for a girl’s team…which I don’t mind one bit. “Whew… it’s gettin’ hot in herre. So take off all your clothes. I am, getting so hot, I’m gon’ take my clothes off.” With a little bitta… Come on. Don’t act like you don’t know Nelly. Anyway, that’s about it. Talked to a coworker who may be a new roommate…but we’ll see. He was looking to move to Truckee by the start of winter. I gave him the number & he knows where to find me if he wants to check the place out. He’s a cool cat. Anyway, I guess here’s some news…

Still Think You’d Be a Bad Parent? – You know, I hear people say stuff all the time like “I’d like to have kids…but I just don’t think that I’d be a great parent. So I’ll wait” or “I can’t afford kids right now.” Now, I don’t have kids…but let me tell ya, there’s no time like as soon as you’d like to have them (and you don’t have pending drug addictions). It’s always a shame when a perfectly good couple let their window pass them by because they’re scared about becoming a parent. It’s a valid fear…but you can do it. Besides, stupid people are having kids at an INCREDIBLE rate…and I see the movie “Idiocracy” as more like “An Inconvenient Truth” than most people…but hey, prove me wrong. For example, this story comes from Michigan. Authorities said a drunken man and woman were arrested after they were found pushing a baby stroller holding two young boys…who were holding open containers of alcohol and a bayonet inside. Police said in a statement that the 30-year-old woman and 52-year-old man (oh yes, 52 & 30) were arrested after police were called about 1:30 a.m. Friday when the woman tried to take a bike off a porch (that apparently didn’t belong to her?). The statement said security guards had been watching the pair and initially detained the woman. Police said officers found the woman's one- and four-year-old sons in the stroller along with alcohol and the "double-edged bayonet." AnnArbor.com reported the children were turned over to a relative. Charges were pending. Still think you’re not fit to raise children? I believe in you. All you need is Love. How do I know this? My grandpa & grandma Jay raised 17 children on a farm…and my grandpa Jay was a garbage man (and my grandma was apparently knocked up for over 20 years) and they were all happy as clams. Will you make mistakes? Of course. Will it be difficult? Anything worth doing or having usually is. Just do me a favor…and don’t give you kids a bottle of Jack and a large stabbing weapon as toys while you go on a drunken bike theft spree.

Schoolyard Brawl – I’d be more forgiving if this happened. Authorities say two women have been arrested following a parents' brawl that interrupted a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony. School officials placed Puesta del Sol (“Sunset”) Elementary in the desert town of Victorville on lockdown Wednesday morning after a fight broke out among a group of parents. The San Bernardino County sheriff's department says witnesses told deputies several mothers were involved in an argument and it got physical in a field near the ceremony. Several men then jumped into the fray, and the incident turned into a brawl. A deputy later arrested two people on suspicion of being a disruptive presence at a school. Witnesses said they were the main instigators. In all, 20 adults were identified in the brawl. A school district official says there could be more arrests. There were no reported injuries. The worst part is…we don’t even know what it was about. You’re at a cheesy kindergarten graduation ceremony… probably in hundred degree heat… I want to know what the spark was to light this powder keg. Was some parent making fun of somebody’s child? Did somebody accidentally step on a foot & tempers went off? Was there an argument about how tax dollars are being spent on public schools in our state? Or was it somebody didn’t “ackrite” and “be dis-respeckin me” and it hit the fan? Who knows? That is the mystery of the minor schoolyard brawl. Heck, it could’ve gone back to when the parents involved were children. “This is for kissing Bobby Higgins under jungle gym.” POP!!! “B**ch, that was back when New Kids on the Block were actually kids. Why are you bringing that up now?” Then it goes from there. Still thinking that raising kids is tough? Would you start a fight at a graduation ceremony for your 5-year old? I didn’t think so. Now let’s travel the world for some news…

Legendary Tennis Match - When umpire Mohamed Lahyani was assigned to officiate a first-round match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, little did he know his years of traveling around the world cramped in economy class would come in handy. While American Isner and Frenchman Mahut were locked in an almighty three-day battle that stretched on for a surreal 11 hours and five minutes (oh yes, the old record was almost half as long), many people were concerned about the plight of Sweden's Lahyani. "Seriously... doesn't anyone have to pee? Umpires included?" Andy Roddick Tweeted Wednesday as he watched the final set drag on for what ended up being eight hours and 11 minutes. Once the match concluded Thursday, with an eye-popping score of 6-4 3-6 6-7 7-6 70-68, Lahyani shed light on his own powers of endurance. "I travel economy so seven hours sitting still on court is nothing," Lahyani, who had the best seat in town for the match of the century which featured an unbelievable 980 points, told reporters. "It has been quite amazing to be involved with such an extraordinary match. I can't imagine seeing another one like it in my lifetime. I didn't get a chance to feel tired, I was gripped by the amazing match and my concentration stayed good -- I owe that to the players. Their stamina was breathtaking and their behavior exceptional." While Isner and Mahut were seen chomping away energy bars and endless bunches of bananas, Lahyani took a few sips of water now and then as he enjoyed his high-rise vantage point. He sent the crowd into fits of laughter at every mention of the score -- it does not get any more surreal than uttering 68-games all -- and sometimes even shook his head and rubbed his eyes at the absurdity of it all. But he would not have swapped his place with anyone. "On Wednesday my voice did get a little dry but I have drunk plenty today and it feels good," said Lahyani, who along with the players was presented with a memento on court to mark the marathon feat. "I think the longest match I've ever chair umpired before was five and a half hours long... that's a lot less than even the third set of this one. When you are so focused and every point feels like a match point you just don't even think about eating or needing the bathroom.” So the next time that you’re stuck on a layover at DIA for a couple hours thinking “How could this possibly get any worse?” Just remember, you could be forced to watch tennis. I kid. It must’ve been an epic match. I caught some of the highlights. Would’ve been better if it were women. You know how I like to just listen…

Beauty Queen Stripped – Sorry, it’s not nearly as sexy as you think. No sex scandal involved. A British beauty queen has been stripped of her title after pageant organizers discovered she lied about her age and place of residence on the application form for the contest. Hopefuls must be between the ages of 15 (really?) and 24 to participate in the Miss Cornwall pageant and 27-year-old English teacher Anness (that’s it? Like Madonna? Only dangerously close to anus?) claimed to be 22 on all the entry forms she submitted between 2006 and 2010, British papers reported. Competition organizer Becky Chapman discovered the old applications while cleaning her office. When she went to confront Anness at her home, she found that the beauty queen lived not in Saltash, Cornwall as she had written on the application form, but in Plymouth, Devon. GASP!!! According to the rules of the contest, entrants must either live, work or study in Cornwall. Anness apologized for the incident, explaining that she had lied about her age to follow her dream. Chapman expressed pity for Anness. "I feel sorry for her, she'd been entering these contests for years and never won, and now she has finally won she gets her title taken from her," Chapman told the Mail. As well as the prized crown and sash, Anness has given up 2,000 pounds ($3,013) worth of prizes, a 12 month modeling contract, and a chance to compete for the Miss England title. Runner-up Samantha Jane Orpe will take her title and place in the Miss England final. Sucks a little bit, right? Just goes to show that women age like fine wine. Oh golly, a woman lied about her age! Stop the presses! Get to the fallout shelter! The Apocalypse is surely upon us as foretold in the Prophecy! The fall of an empire, the passing of a comet, David Spade is a father, and now… a woman has lied about her age. We are surely doomed!!! Cheese & rice, we’re talking about a beauty pageant. Do you think ANY of them actually work with charity organizations? If they had the choice between World Peace & a shopping spree, which do you think they would take? Granted, I know a few former pageant contestants who got out of that crap because they really did like that stuff & didn’t like the BS associated with the pageants…but nine times out of ten, they’re just a beautiful naïve sheltered girl. Definitely not a woman who has any idea what she wants in life, just like any other 15-24 year old out there. Anyway, I hope that everything works out for you, Anness. Wow! She’s a superhot school teacher with an English accent…and she has a name like that. Just goes to show, a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

Village Sale - Stressed-out city executives looking to get away from it all have the chance to buy their own rural village in New Zealand, complete with a pub and population of 40. Otira, a hamlet on the rainy west coast of New Zealand's South Island, is on the market for $NZ1 million ($715,000). Current owners Bill and Christine Hennah bought the rundown village in 1998 after passing through and "feeling sorry for it," Christchurch-based newspaper The Press reported on Friday. They paid $NZ80,000 ($56,000) for the hotel or pub, school, railway station, town hall and 18 houses making up the village near the Arthur's Pass National Park that dates back to 1923. The village developed when the Otira railway tunnel was opened, and during its heyday was home to about 600 workers and their families. But the couple, now aged in their 60s, say they no longer have the energy to run the hotel. They are asking $NZ350,000 for the hotel or $NZ1 million for the whole lot. "We need someone to build it up again. There is a lot of potential and opportunity," Christine Hennah told The Press. Hmm, you can buy a quaint Kiwi town for less than a million bucks? Interesting. What’s the catch? Oh yeah, it’s cold & rainy and everything’s about 80 years old and rundown. I wonder if it’s still that whole untapped gorgeous wilderness that you always see in the New Zealand advertisements. I’m sure it’s not horrible, right? “The name Otira has to go. Welcome to…$tevonia!!! The hotel, to meet the changing demographic of our guests, will now be a hotel / pub / spa / brothel. I have also hired the famous Anness to be our greeter / school teacher / eye candy. The railway station will bring in guests from all over the island…and our new policy will be to give everybody a Kiwi as they exit. Since Kiwis won’t readily grow here, we’ll have to import them from more tropical areas. To counter these expenses, we will convert the town hall into a marijuana greenhouse, providing the stickiest of the icky and boosting our modest economy…and maybe see if we can grow a few Kiwis in there too. You aaaaand you now work at the hotel. So let it be written, so let it be done!” Ah yes, loads of potential in the city of Otira. Within a few years, I see it blossoming like Vegas…only in a place that knows what the color non-neon green looks like.

Russian Getaway – “$teve, how would you get the money to afford a small town?” Being in the right place at the right time, that’s how. A Russian fisheries official suspected of accepting bribes tossed 10 million rubles ($322,000) from his car after a police chase and a crash on a busy Moscow highway, investigators said on Monday. Pursued by police, Federal Fisheries Agency official Boris Simonov crashed his Cadillac (what did YOU think he drove?) on Friday and frantically flung 10 million rubles ($322,000) into the wind, local media reported. State-run First Channel television showed scores of large-denomination ruble notes being collected by police and cast into a torn, grimy cardboard box beside a thoroughfare in south-central Moscow. A spokesman for Russia's Investigative Committee said Simonov's boss, Roman Postnikov, who oversaw two Moscow rivers, was arrested on suspicion of forging a contract that allowed a fishing firm operate without the proper documents. Both fishery officials will be jailed for two months pending further investigation, the committee said. President Dmitry Medvedev has vowed to tackle Russia's endemic graft, but analysts say little has changed since he took office in May 2008. Anyway, back to the getaway. Despite the poor exchange rate of rubles to dollars, isn’t that better than a smoke screen for a getaway? “Damn the cops are on our ass. Fan out the money!” “What? Why?” “Don’t worry, we have billions of rubles, just toss out what we have. People will get in the way & the cops will stop…or have some serious explaining to do.” Admit it, if you where walking downtown…and saw a car driving by with a man in the window through bags of singles into the air (like he just robbed a strip club & decided to make it rain), wouldn’t you flood the streets to get a few handfuls? Sure, you may wait until the cop cars pass…then again, you may not. You got first dibs, only suckers will wait until the coast is clear. You’re an entrepreneur. Money goes to the adventurous, right? Anyway, just thought it was an interesting story / image.

Bot Update – “$teve, it’s not a Sexbot Update?” Does everything have to be about sex with you? Can’t I just talk nerdy for a few minutes (and maybe work in some sexual innuendo)? So the theory is, if extraterrestrial life exists on Jupiter's moon Europa, instead of deploying probes to drill past its ice shell to look for aliens in the ocean below, one might just go fossil-hunting on the icy surface, right? "A prospector sent there could possibly find extraterrestrial life within our lifetimes," suggested planetary scientist Richard Greenberg at the University of Arizona's Lunar and Planetary Laboratory at Tucson. Europa, which is roughly the size of Earth's moon, is enveloped by a global ocean that may be about 100 miles deep (Waterworld on acid?). This ocean is overlain by an icy crust of unknown thickness, although some estimates are that it could be only a few miles thick. Since wherever there is water on Earth there is a chance of life, for many years scientists have entertained the notion that this Jovian moon could support extraterrestrials. Recent findings even suggest its ocean could be loaded with oxygen, enough to support millions of tons worth of marine life like the type that exists on Earth. To see if any kind of life actually evolved on Europa, scientists have proposed missions to drill through its outer shell, perhaps using heat to melt through the ice (that couldn’t possibly work), whirring blades to clear away rocks and robot subs to explore the ocean. "With that vision in mind, NASA has a multi-staged plan, first with a Europa orbiter scheduled for 18 years from now, and 10 or 20 years after that, a lander to see what the surface is like, and then maybe a generation later, hopefully we can figure out how to drill all the way down through the ice," Greenberg noted. He recently wrote a book, "Unmasking Europa," which touched upon how one might search for life on the Jovian moon (and then fall in love with the princess of the native underwater people, soon to become a movie titled “Dancing with Snorks”). However, rather than deploying complex equipment to try and penetrate an uncertain distance into the ice, the remains of marine life on Europa could be available right on the outer shell for landers to find. Scientists aren't suggesting that any life from Europa somehow managed to dig its way up through the ice. Instead, the constant upheaval this Jovian moon undergoes could drag unwitting organisms upward (ugh…giggidy?), Greenberg explained. The scarcity of craters seen on Europa suggests the ice shell is no older than 50 million years old, hinting that it underwent complete turnover in that time. The culprit for this extraordinary activity is the gravitational pull Europa experiences from Jupiter. This leads to tidal forces roughly 1,000 times stronger than what Earth feels from our moon, flexing and heating the Jovian moon and constantly stirring its crust (ah, giggidy!). Ice (probably newly frozen ocean water) apparently regularly gets pushed up from below, leading double ridges typically 330 feet high (100 meters) to form and cover at least half of Europa's surface. Parts of the surface also could partially melt from below, creating rafts of ice that break loose and tumble around. This process creates the "chaotic terrain" that comprises roughly 40% of the ice shell, and also sends matter both upward and downward (giggidy). "If there are organisms in Europa's ocean, one could well imagine that all over the surface there might be frozen chunks of that stuff. People are talking about various kinds of drills and melting down through the ice, and I think we can jump past that and sample the ocean from the surface." One of the best places to look for any fossils on Europa would be newly formed double ridges, Greenberg said. "The ridges that crisscross others are going to be the most recent ones. One could then imagine landers scooping up the ice and analyzing it." Chaotic terrain would also be another good area to explore, as would an active crack (giggidy?) in Europa's crust. "If we can land right next to an active crack, there's a good chance we could sample some of the most recent ice. If we could put a penetrator into it, we could even sample water as it comes up." Okay, that’s a definite giggidy…but let’s get it back to science now. No more penetrating cracks and sample the water that comes out of it. If any microbes did manage to make their way to Europa's surface, the constant stream of radiation from Jupiter would likely break their proteins down over time, assuming such life would have proteins at all, said planetary geologist Brad Dalton at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. Still, experiments of Dalton's have suggested orbiters could investigate the infrared signature of Europa's icy crust to look for tattered remnants of life. Landers could conduct even more detailed analyses — for instance, using "lab-on-a-chip" devices on melted ice samples to look for biomolecules, he added. Also "there's always the possibility that we could find structures — something analogous to skeletal remains," Greenberg noted. Dalton added that if landers dug "even a meter or so down might also be able to find viable organisms, if there are any there." Of course, if there is life in Europa's ocean, it remains uncertain whether it would indeed get lofted up via geological processes to its surface. Conversely, if no life is seen on Europa's surface, that does not mean there is no life in Europa's ocean. "My point is only why wait to look for life at the hardest place on Europa to get to? Why not go to the easy place first?" Good point. Okay, I think I’ve nerded you out for long enough. This stuff interests me a bit…and it’s my blog, so deal with it. Hmm, what else interests me…

X-Men Update – Ah yes, beautiful women & comic books. Those too interest me. Alice Eve ("She’s Out of My League") has scored the role of Emma Frost in “X-Men: First Class” for 20th Century Fox reports Heat Vision. The fictional telepathic character, also known as the White Queen, started out as one of the X-Men's most dangerous foes…and then became one of its most central members (don’t worry, not necessarily a spoiler alert for the movie). Rosamund Pike was rumored to be up for the role earlier this month…but they decided to go with another hot British chick…and apparently Anness either can’t act or couldn’t get away from school long enough to audition. Matthew Vaughn (“Kick Ass”, “Stardust” & “Layer Cake”) directs the prequel which also stars James McAvoy (“Wanted”) as a young (bald?) Professor X, and Michael Fassbender (“Inglorious Basterds”) as a young Magneto. There are a lot of other rumors out there…but apparently these three are signed up. More to come I’m sure. Oh, you haven’t seen “She’s Out of My League” yet? Or Maxim’s issue a few months back? Well allow me to introduce you to Miss Alice Eve…

Anyway, I think that’ll do it for tonight. You’re probably fighting off sleep anyway. Thanks for stopping by…and I’ll keep you posted on events coming up this week…and worst-case, you’ll get the pictures next week some time. Have a great day everybody!!!

1 comment:

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