Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Taking Over for Junior

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I guess I’ll start off with the big news of the day. I got an email yesterday from my roommate…and he’s basically going to be moving out in about two months. It was a little expected because we don’t really hang out much, he’s got his other buddies & rooming with me was always kind of a temporary thing until he got to know the area. I knew that from the start. No worries. He’s gotta do what’s good for him…and frankly, that’s why all the utilities and stuff were in my name from the get-go anyway. I’m glad that he’s giving me some notice. So yeah, if anybody out there knows somebody looking for a pretty sweet living arrangement in paradise, let me know. I’ll be checking the local papers & putting word out on the streets I guess. Not too worried…but we’ll see what happens in the next month or so. Other than that, I’m excited for a possible date this weekend…even though she’s already had to reschedule for lunch & a movie. I know what you’re thinking…and it was my first thought too – The Friend Zone. The most dreaded of all zones…yet somehow $teve always seems to find his way there. Hmm, although it does give me a plethora of very beautiful friends… Anyway, semi-jokingly, when she told me that she had to move it up a few hours, I text back “Ah… lunch? I’m already headed for the Friend Zone?” She’s aware of my sense of humor, so she wrote back that the only way I was going there…was if I put myself there. I don’t intend to. Then again, who really intends to? We shall see. Besides, everybody knows that my most “successful” relationships usually start with breakfast…and frankly, the lady making a move. That’ll have to change though. If I have a flaw (and I did say IF), it’s that I’m a little timid. I just have to put myself out there…and some lucky girl’s gonna find out what she’s been missing out on…cuz let’s face it, I’m hot sh*t in a champagne glass…and most guys out there are cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup. I owe it to all the lovely ladies out there to let them know that there are some great guys out there. Anyway, to be continued…

Also, do you love the Muppets? Of course you do. What about Sex & the City? Yeah, I hate it too. However, if you want to see the new “Sex & the City 2” movie…starring Muppets, then I highly recommend that you check out the brilliant B’s Popsuede blog. It’s… it’s pretty much perfect hilarity… and it makes me want to watch “Muppets Take Manhattan” and pretend it’s a prequel.

Let’s see. Softball tonight. Allegedly I’m going to get to play the whole game. A few people aren’t going to be able to make it. We’ll see how that goes. I’m sure I’ll be put out into right field or something. I guess I’ll have to wait another week until playing pickup basketball in Incline Village. No worries. Either way should be a lot of fun. It’s just funny how in basketball, I base my performance on how much I dominate…but with baseball, it’s whether I don’t screw up. Ah well, wish me luck. Here’s some news…

Junior Retires – Back when I used to at least watch baseball, my favorite player was far and away, Ken Griffey Jr. Back when he was with the Seattle Mariners, there was simply none greater…and he was just a kid. He was going to shatter the record books…and do it with a style & grace that in the years since has been lost from the game thanks to contract disputes, media scrutiny & of course steroids. Well, a few years back, I had already passed on baseball, but Junior was able to achieve his dream through free agency. He was going to return home to Cincinnati, where his father played baseball for the Reds, where he grew up, and where he wanted to retire with a bunch of World Series rings. Unfortunately, he was plagued with injuries for over a decade…and the team was never really a contender for pennants…and the record book was never shattered (though despite all the injuries, he’s still 5th on the all-time list with 630 homers…and no steroids). Through all the adversity, he just remained a smiling kid in an adult body playing the game that he loved…for 22 seasons. Now, forty years old and back with the Seattle Mariners as a part-time designated hitter, he’s retiring from baseball. In his statement, he said, “While I feel I am still able to make a contribution on the field and nobody in the Mariners front office has asked me to retire, I told the Mariners when I met with them prior to the 2009 season and was invited back that I will never allow myself to become a distraction. I feel that without enough occasional starts to be sharper coming off the bench, my continued presence as a player would be an unfair distraction to my teammates and their success as a team is what the ultimate goal should be.” We’ll miss ya, Junior. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out the way that you planned…but hopefully you had fun while you were doing it. Nothing but the best.

Something Exciting in Delaware – Have you ever wondered what people in Delaware do for fun? Me too…and my best guess is to go to another state…but then I read this and found a new popular activity – Messing with Authority. See, Rehoboth Beach in Delaware isn't a topless beach… but a few transgender men caused a stir by treating it like one. Police say passers-by complained after the men removed their tops and revealed their surgically enhanced breasts over Memorial Day weekend (giggidy!). A lifeguard asked them to put their tops back on (“and for God’s sake shave”). The men initially refused, but covered up before police arrived. Even if they hadn't, though, Police Chief Keith Banks notes the men were doing nothing illegal. Since they have male genitalia (did he check?), they can't be charged with indecent exposure for showing their breasts. Banks says there's no need for a specific law to address the issue. Oh really? Rehoboth Beach commissioner Kathy McGuiness isn't so sure. She says the matter will be discussed at a town hall meeting next week. Well, I have the solution…and it’s a good one - Let the girls breathe. Why not? Are you sexist? Only somebody who is sexist would allow men to do what women are not allowed to do. Do you plan on passing a law where men have to wear tops? HA!!! Good luck with that, Miss McGuiness. Besides, is it hurting anybody? Except by maybe making gentlemen’s shorts fit a little tighter (and raising some questions about their orientation)? No. Not at all…and there’s fewer tan lines. Anyway… that’s what’s going on in Delaware.

Quite A Feet – In the city of Talent, Oregon, Todd Ragsdale enjoyed a peppermint mineral foot soak while relaxing at home Monday. It was well deserved after running a world-record distance without shoes over the weekend. Between 8 a.m. Saturday and 8 a.m. Sunday, the 41-year-old logged 102 miles barefoot (or more specifically, 413 laps on the South Medford High School track). Ragsdale made his run in the Relay For Life fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. The run left Ragsdale's feet bruised, blistered and swollen, but he said it was well worth it. I’m glad that this was for a good cause. I’m all for raising money for cancer research & kudos to Mr. Ragsdale on an astounding accomplishment by any stretch of the imagination. Seriously, running almost 5 MPH for 24 hours? I start getting short of breath after about 24 minutes on a treadmill. And he did it barefoot. I don’t even walk around my house in bare feet if I can help it, less a high school track. The only problem I have with this…is maybe the world record part. Granted, nobody’s really keeping track of this…but I’m sure there are guys in Kenya that run this much barefoot just about every weekend…and that’s in the savannah, not a high school track. Okay, probably not for 24 hours straight though…so I’ll give Mr. Ragsdale his due. Donate to cancer research y’all.

Elvis Update - The estate of the great Elvis Aaron Presley has signed a deal for Hasbro Inc. and PPW Toys to release an Elvis version of Mr. Potato Head. (Bone Junior’s probably already looking for it online) Kevin Kern, a spokesman for Presley's Graceland estate, told The Commercial Appeal the new toy is one of 15,000 Elvis-licensed products and is one the company is excited about (unlike the Elvis early pregnancy detection kit that replies “Lord have mercy” or “Thank you very much” depending on the results). The first of the Elvis potato heads will be released for Elvis Tribute Week in August. The toy will be in a jumpsuit. A second version with the likeness dressed in black leather will be on the market for Christmas (hint hint). PPW Toys spokesman Dean Gorby said the Elvis Mr. Potato Head will broaden the audience from young fans to adult toy collectors. Yeah, because that’s what Elvis needs. More fans. The man’s been dead for over 30 years and has more loyal followers than Jesus (probably because he’s been dead for over 2000 years). It’s always good to see Mr. Potato Head back in the news too. However, I’m still waiting on the live-action movie starring the only man who can pull off the character with absolutely no makeup – Sir Ron Perlman. I’ll keep you posted.

Biggest Burger – Mmm… what better to go with a Ron Perlman sized batch of fried potaters than the world’s biggest burger? An Australian cafe is claiming a world record after cooking a giant hamburger with an 81 kg (178 lb) patty that took 12 hours to cook and four men to flip. The monster burger cooked up by Sydney cafe owners, Joe and Iman El-Ajouz, weighed in at 90 kg in total, eclipsing the previous record of 84 kg, set in Michigan. "Just flipping the patty was the main challenge for us, but it all went well," Iman El-Ajouz told Reuters. "My husband had to prepare special metal holders and a metal plate, he had one at the bottom one at the top, locked them together and they flipped the burger with that." The giant burger contained the giant beef patty, 120 eggs, 150 slices of cheese, 1.5 kg of beetroot, 2.5 kg of tomatoes and almost 2 kg of lettuce all topped off with gallons of special sauce on a giant sesame seed bun. It was eaten by employees at the café (so they couldn’t sue if it was undercooked). The variety of burger will be on the menu at the cafe for the next year in order to meet the conditions for a Guinness world record, but will set hungry patrons back around A$1,500 ($1,220), which if you think about it, is about $7 a pound. Only bad thing about this…is that they didn’t add any bacon. What the hell were they thinking? Beetroot? Come on, Aussies. You’re better than that. By the way, I realize that the eggs were used to keep the patty together…but isn’t that technically a meatloaf? Just throwing that out there.

Mortal Kombat Reboot? - A viral video has hit the past few days that's spreading like wildfire because it plays like a trailer for Warner Bros. upcoming reboot of the "Mortal Kombat" franchise. This professionally made clip starring Michael Jai White (“Spawn” & “Black Dynamite”) and Jeri Ryan (Seven of 9 in “Star Trek” lore) also includes multiple decapitations, cannibalism, mutated people and a much darker and grittier sense to it than the previous two fantasy/action films based on the video game. As for its origins? The clip first emerged on YouTube under the name 'MortalKombatRebirth' and is apparently a proof-of-concept reel that film director Kevin Tancharoen ("Fame") put together with the help of fight sequence coordinator Larnell Stovall ("Undisputed III"). This could be pretty cool. Yes, the two previous Mortal Kombat movie were insanely flawed and really just a way to capitalize on the game’s popularity with the kids…but if we’re talking hardcore R-rated gritty stuff, then I can definitely got on board for that. Anyway, I know you want to see a video with decapitations, cannibalism & mutants…so here you go…

X-Men Update – In more certain movie news, Michael Fassbender is fast becoming a hot commodity in Hollywood since his role in “Inglorious Basterds” last year. The German-born, Irish-raised actor is currently being linked to not one but TWO Marvel comic book film adaptations currently heading towards production. Showbiz 411 reports that "X-Men: First Class" director Matthew Vaughn is pursuing him to play the younger version of Ian McKellen’s Magneto in Fox's prequel project, which already stars James McAvoy (“Wanted”) as the younger Professor Xavier. That film is slated to kick off filming soon in the UK for release next Summer. At the same time, Fassbender is being pursued to play the villain in “Spider Man 4" at Sony Pictures. As that film isn't scheduled to hit until mid-2012, its production won't kick off until sometime next year. Fassbender is expected to choose one over the other, the question is which one and how it will fit into his schedule. The actor is currently shooting David Cronenberg's "A Dangerous Method" and will next star in David Jacobson's "A Single Shot". The actor will be seen onscreen in "Jonah Hex" later this month and "Centurion" in August. Indeed a busy man…but once you get into the Marvel Universe, you can pretty much set yourself up for a while. Anyway, we’ll see. I can totally see him as Magneto though. That’d be kick-ass.

Well geez, I guess that’ll do it for today. So much uncertainty in my near future…but hey, I’ll just live day to day and see what happens. Worst-case, Filly’s getting into the crowd down in New Orleans that could get her a job as a paranormal investigator. I’m not joking. You could actually put that on your taxes. So now I’m having images of driving around the country in my Baby fighting the forces of Evil (and making sweet love to a few demons & angels along the way) like Sam & Dean Winchester on “Supernatural.” Don’t think I’m not giving this some serious thought. The only problem I had with the premise of the show before was the lack of a paycheck…but even if it’s ten bucks an hour plus gas money, who knows? That’s not likely though. Have a great day everybody!!!

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