Monday, June 28, 2010

Chilis & Hotties

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This weekend was quite relaxing. Beautiful weather, which led to a LOT of people being down at the Lake yesterday. Basically the majority of the 70-mile road that surrounds the lake had cars parked on either side, which is awesome…because it means money is being brought into the area, so I’m down with it. Besides, pretty good eye candy. Saturday, I really didn’t do much. I was at home most of the time, talking on the phone with family & friends. Definitely getting the miles racked up on my phone since I moved out here. Sunday, I went to the Truckee Chili Cook-Off which was held at the park a few blocks from my apartment…and I must’ve had about a gallon of chili. It was all pretty good…even the vegetarian option that was there (always skeptical of vegetarian chili, much like vegetarian meatloaf). Also met a few more locals…but it again was mostly the older married couples. No worries though. I wasn’t going to a chili cook-off on a Sunday morning to pick up girls anyway. At least not directly. They had live entertainment throughout the cook-off, and it was pretty good, especially the acupella quartet they had when I showed up. They didn’t say their names though. Here’s a picture…

Later in the day, I went down to the Lake and wanted to check out my favorite spot…but like I said, there was no parking in that area…so I just kinda kept going…and found another nice little trail a few miles down the road with one parking spot left. Here are some pictures of what that trail had to offer…

That was pretty much it for the weekend. This coming weekend should be more eventful, mainly because my dad & stepmom are coming to visit on Thursday for a week…and we should be pretty active with 4th of July activities, concerts, family gatherings, day trip to San Francisco, plus whatever else we stumble upon. Can’t wait to get started. In the meantime though, here’s some news…

Charles in Charge – Up-front, this has nothing to do with the Scott Baio sitcom or any remake of it. Rather, Charles Zevallos, a politician in Peru's Amazon basin, often wins kisses from female supporters, but things have moved to a whole new level as women at his rallies have started throwing their underwear at him. Mmm hmm… Zevallos, a candidate for mayor in the province of Maynas, has made a tradition of giving fans, watches or soccer balls at his rallies in exchange for women's kisses. But in the past few days, some supporters have taken off their underpants and tossed them to him during rallies for his progressive party, 1000 Movimiento Integracion Loretana. Zevallos has downplayed any resemblance to Tom Jones, the Welsh crooner who for years was showered with women's panties while performing at pop music concerts (mostly because he doesn't look like Sir Tom Jones at ALL). Commentators in Peru's capital of Lima, 990 miles from Maynas, said the underwear throwing was proof that politics in the Andean country had reached a new low (ugh…do they know that the Conan is my governor?). "It was spontaneous, I didn't ask for them, but then I saw a pair of yellow ones, and then another woman threw another pair at me," Zevallos said. He said he cannot be blamed for having zealous supporters. "I don't know if this will stop, it's really crazy here right now. The people love me.” Wow, just when I think a career in politics may not be the thing for me, I read a story like this…and just realize I’m in the wrong country or something. Here in America, it’s all kissing babies & being a good family man and all that mess. Apparently in Peru, I can bear a mild resemblance to a celebrity (Kevin Bacon? Dennis Quaid?) and run with some progressive party…and Peruvian princesses will make offerings of slightly-used undergarments to show their support (though brassieres typically show more support). Hmm… Maybe $teve has to consider another career change. By the way, is it weird that I’m seeing a new Disney flick with this story? “I must find the woman with the green eyes who fits these silk panties. She shall be my First Lady.” Patent Pending.

Peeper Caught - Police say 10 "angry women" detained an accused changing room peeper at a thrift store in East Tennessee until officers arrived. Twenty-year-old Bradley J. Wallen was charged with two misdemeanors, observation without consent and photographing in violation of privacy (hmm, so there are pictures?). Church Hill police chief Mark Johnson told the Kingsport Times-News that a small hole between the men's and women's changing rooms at the Flashbacks and Reruns thrift store was allegedly discovered by a woman who dropped something on the floor (“Is that…a glory hole?”). Johnson said "10 angry women" prevented Wallen from leaving by blocking a rear door. Wallen was released after his arrest Tuesday. Jail records do not show that he has hired a lawyer and a Thursday telephone call to his residence was not answered…as he was probably back at Flashbacks and Reruns (“Hey hey hey…”). Silly kids and their need to see women in the underwear (or less). Apparently the internet hasn’t caught on in Eastern Tennessee. Sigh… I miss the girl who used to change in her living room at my apartment complex in Slick City. It was always a pleasant surprise. “Oh man, work’s been a pain in my ass, everybody’s working, I’m outta cash, don’t know what I’m going to do with my job, sigh… Guess I’ll just watch some Sunny in Phila…what the…? Why hello there. Oh my. You know what, things are going to be okay. Thank you Jesus!”

Cleavage Ban – On that note, ladies, I just want to thank you from the deepest cockles of my heart. You see, on behalf of all men, I want to thank you for helping get through the day. Sometimes, I feel troubled…and worrisome or unmotivated or something but…there’s one thing that gets me out of bed in the morning, even when my own eagerness to greet the day has been exhausted. What is it you ask? “I might get to see some cleavage today. Any day with that possibility…is a great day.” Well, apparently Mother Afrika (land of National Geographic bare boobage for generations) doesn’t feel that way. The nation of Gabon has banned displays of cleavage in the civil service and told male workers to smarten up their act as part of moves by the central African state to reform its dysfunctional public administration. A new dress code will require female civil servants to don either a full-length dress, a traditional African robe, trouser suit or "a plain skirt, high-necked blouse and shoes for town," a cabinet edict issued late Thursday stated. Men must wear a suit, jacket or smart traditional African attire such as the ceremonial "bou bou" robe. A tie will remain optional. The ruling follows an outburst in January by the archbishop of the capital Libreville, Basile Engone, who accused authorities of "turning a blind eye to deviant behavior such as the wearing of skimpy outfits in the public administration." Trust me Basile, damn your metaphor because NOBODY was turning away any eyes. It’s called using peripherals. Participants in subsequent televised debates complained of a widespread workplace culture which encouraged women to dress for promotion, while male civil servants argued they were not paid enough to dress well (oh yeah, two can play that game, ladies). Under late ruler Omar Bongo, the public payroll of the oil nation of 1.5 million people saw its headcount swell to 55,000 through a system of cronyism and fraud, in which salaries were often paid for non-existent positions. Bongo's son Ali ordered a census of the civil service in a bid to cut down its 336 billion CFA ($688 million) annual wage bill after coming to power in last August's election. Fun stuff over in Afrika, huh? At least they get paid for doing the jobs of five people…whether the jobs actually exist or not. I can feel that. At least here in the United States though, the ladies aren’t afraid to let the girls out…especially during the summer months. God bless warm weather!!!

How to Get Dem Digits – Let’s say that you’re like me…and you can basically use all the help that you can get when it comes to the ladies. Sure, I’m an incredible catch…but the ladies aren’t going to know that just by looking at me. Even the unemployed snowboarder living in his buddy’s basement can dress up for a few hours & after a few drinks, she’ll believe anything he says. “Really? You’re Shaun White’s trainer? That’s so cool.” So how is an honest & humble guy like myself supposed to impress a girl enough to get her phone number for a private rendezvous (possibly tryst) at a later time? Well, a new study suggests that the right musical ambiance might boost your chances of getting a date. Women were more prepared to give their phone number to an "average Joe" after listening to romantic background music, French researchers found. Previously, the team found romantic music played in a flower shop led to male customers spending more money. In the current work, the researchers tested the power of romantic lyrics on 18- to 20-year-old single women. They first used questionnaires to pinpoint agreed-upon neutral and romantic songs, ending up with "Je l'aime à mourir," a well-known love song by French songwriter Francis Cabrel, and the neutral song "L'heure du the" by Vincent Delerm. A group of young women separate from the main study rated 12 young male volunteers for attractiveness, and the researchers picked those guys rated closest to average for the experiment. A scenario was set up in which 87 females each spent time in a waiting room with background music playing. The participant then moved to a different room where an experimenter instructed her to discuss the difference between two food products with a young man (the average Joe). Once the experimenter returned, she asked the pair to wait for a few moments alone. This gave the man a chance to use his rehearsed chat-up line: "My name is Antoine, as you know, I think you are very nice and I was wondering if you would give me your phone number. I'll phone you later and we can have a drink together somewhere next week." (The line presumably sounds a lot more suave in French). The love song in the waiting room almost doubled Antoine's chances of getting a woman's number – 52% of participants responded to his advances under the influence of Francis Cabrel, whereas only 28% of those who had heard the neutral song by Vincent Delerm offered their digits. Why did the music have this effect? It may be that, as shown in earlier research, the music induced positive feelings or emotions, known in psychology as positive affect. Positive affect is associated with being more receptive to courtship requests, the researchers say. Other types of media, such as violent video games or music with aggressive lyrics, have been shown to increase the likelihood of aggressive behavior, thoughts and feelings. But the present study suggests media exposure can induce positive behaviors as well, said study researcher Nicolas Gueguen from the Universite de Bretagne-Sud in France. However, further research is needed before wider generalizations can be made on the targeted use of love songs, the researchers say. The results were published June 18 in the journal Psychology of Music. Good theory. Being one who often has music come up in their head whenever certain people walk into a room ("Unchained Melody", "Hot for Teacher", "I Wanna Know What Love Is" to name a few) or situations arise, I can fully understand the correlation between music & being more receptive to ideas such as romance. In this situation, the participants may not directly notice the music in the background…but it does still affect their mood a little bit…and they associate the person in front of them with this change in mood…and they want to further investigate. So Antoine gets the digits, they meet up later on, and who knows? It makes sense to me. Now if I can just find a swingin’ Jazz club here in Truckee or somewhere that isn’t too-loud angry rock music like the Tourist Club. Yeah, still have no idea where the single ladies hang out around here…if there are any over the age of 16. The search continues…but at least I have one other nugget of knowledge.

Divorce Ceremonies – Well, my brother’s now, for all intensive purposes, DIVORCED!!! He wants to have a huge celebration…but since most of his friends have been divorced a few times already…and party just about every weekend for little to no reason, he’s talking about going to Vegas or something for a weekend celebration. Then again, don’t you think he wasted enough (of somebody else’s) money on getting married to that b**ch in the first place? Me too…but then I read this article. With divorce on the rise in Japan, some couples are choosing to celebrate the end of an unhappy marriage by saying "I do" for a final time at a divorce ceremony before friends and family (I just pictured all of my family being in the same room with that c**t & there’s some food tossing involved). Divorce ceremonies were pioneered about a year ago by a former salesman, Hiroki Terai, who set up a "divorce mansion" in a small undercover space in Tokyo (What? Undercover space? In my world, that’s where the magic happens). Since then about 25 couples have each paid 55,000 yen ($606) to hold a ceremony with all the pomp and grandeur of a wedding that publicly ends their relationship before they officially file for divorce. Terai said he had received more than 900 inquiries (and repeat, 25 couples have done it). The latest couple, who called themselves Mr. and Mrs. Fujii, met near Sensoji Temple in Tokyo's traditional Asakusa area on Sunday and rode in separate rickshaws to the "divorce mansion." "By putting an end to our marriage, we wanted to give ourselves fresh starts and give our lives a sense of renewal," Mr. Fujii, a 33-year-old businessman, told Reuters Television. He said he felt responsible for the failure of his marriage as he spent too much time away from home and too much money on his various interests including cars (and whores & cocaine?) despite numerous warnings from his wife. Friends and family of the Fujii couple followed closely behind the rickshaws on foot, arriving at the "divorce mansion" for a ceremony where they smashed their wedding ring with a gavel, a gesture signifying the end of their partnership. The gavel has a frog's head as frogs symbolize change in Japanese culture (not to indicate that genital warts led to this divorce). "When we smashed the ring together, I felt like "oh, this is the end of it, really" and my heart and soul felt renewed. Now I feel I can have a new life and start all over again," said Mr. Fujii. His wife of eight years also expressed her relief. "The moment I saw the smashed ring, I said to myself, "Yes! That feels so good"" Terai, who is believed to be Japan's first "divorce ceremony planner," came up with the idea of divorce ceremonies to help couples celebrate their decision to separate after one of his friends was going through a bitter divorce. Divorce is on the rise in Japan where it was once taboo with about 251,000 divorces taking place in 2008, partly blamed on the poor economy taking its toll on romance. Next month Terai heads off on his first business venture abroad to Korea to officially divorce a couple in Seoul. "I started this ceremony in April last year thinking that there should be a positive way to end a marriage and move on by making a vow to restart their lives in front of loved ones," Terai said. Not a bad idea, right? I could totally see a Divorce Mansion or Castle or something on the Strip. Heck, maybe they do & I just have been too drunk to notice. That’s very possible. “What the…did I take a wrong turn? Why am I at a castle? HOLY SH*T!!! Is that a black pyramid with something shooting out of it? Ah, my drink is empty… REFILLS!!!” I’m guessing that Japan has a different culture…or maybe just in this situation, where it’s a mutual separation, then something like this would really work out. However, I’d say about 95% of the divorces that I’ve seen in my time here, it would not have been a good idea to get two families in the same space without plenty of security on hand. Then again, if you would’ve switched it up a bit by putting them in a cage match…and the winner gets the house, you could put that on pay-per-view. “$teve, are you suggesting that a grown man & a grown woman duke it out? That doesn’t seem fair.” Obviously you haven’t seen some of the grown men & women that have been a part of my extended redneck family. Think of something like… Georges St Pierre against Brock Lesnar with a mullet…and then throw in twelve years of pent-up rage…and the loser lives in their parent’s basement. Don’t even pretend like you wouldn’t watch that carnage. I’m not completely cynical when it comes to marriage, as I’m sure you all know, but I am a realist as well as an eccentric. Maybe Divorce Duels will be my big idea that gets me some business. I could start it up in Reno. Hmm, we’ll see. Anyway, enough of my reality, let’s go to dream world (and I know, it’s been a while since I had a good vivid dream to share with you guys… I’ll work on that)

Marilyn Update - The apparently endless market for images of Marilyn Monroe now extends to inside the bombshell's body (giggidy!). A set of three Monroe Chest X-rays from a 1954 hospital visit sold Sunday at the Hollywood Legends auction at Planet Hollywood Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. How much do you think they paid for them? Guesses? Go on. Think about it. Three pictures of Marilyn’s sexy skeleton. Got a number? Well, double it and add a lot more because they sold for $45,000. Julien's Auctions, which sold the X-rays, estimated that they would only fetch a total of about $3,000. Other Monroe-abilia that sold included a chair from her last photo shoot that went for $35,000. The auction included items from other actresses, including a pair of earrings worn by Kate Winslet in "Titanic" that sold for $25,000 and a dress Audrey Hepburn wore when she starred opposite Fred Astaire in the musical "Funny Face" that fetched $56,250. So yeah, each X-ray of Marilyn sold for about as much as my Jeep Gretchen. Isn’t that…just weird to anybody else? I mean… if I think it’s weird, isn’t that saying something? Ah well, apparently the person that bought them knows how to best use their money…and that’s why they have so much of it. Who am I to judge?

Fox Update – Sometimes I wonder “If I were a celebrity of some kind…and people where asking me questions throughout the day, would I say something completely stupid? Would I say some ridiculous stuff just to see if it gets printed? Would I be the new media darling and talk of the blogosphere?” Anybody who knows me…knows that the answer would be an emphatic yes. I say stupid sh*t. All the time. Mostly to get a rise or a reaction out of people…and sometimes just because I feel that way at the moment. So it’s probably not a good thing that I’m an NBA superstar (although I would know proper things to say if my livelihood depended on it in all honesty). Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about the alluring and allegedly-engaged Megan Fox, who recently revealed that her dream role is to be Sarah Rainmaker, the lesbian Native American superhero…but has also revealed that she dreams of starring in a remake of the cult movie, The Lost Boys. The actress, who has hit the headlines recently for everything from her dramatic weight loss to engagement to Brian Austin Green to her latest movie “Jonah Hex” sucking so much ass that it has created a vortex in time & space of which the Enterprise could travel through to saying that she has given no reason for critics to like her acting…has confessed that she is also a huge fan of the comedy horror flick which stars Kiefer Sutherland and the late Corey Haim. Fox claimed: "They couldn't remake it because it would destroy it, but I've always loved The Lost Boys. The female character in it is not really amazing, but if you were to turn one of the male characters into a female, I would love to do that." She added: "That movie has stuck with me my whole life. There's something magic about it for me," Megan may have recently quit the Transformers franchise, but the actress also revealed that she will not be making any romantic comedies just yet as she feels that she 'isn't old enough.' Fox stated: "I'm wary of doing romantic comedies, you could end up doing them all the time. Business-wise, those movies are very safe." The actress continued: "But I'm 24, I don't belong in a romantic comedy yet. A black comedy like Jennifer's Body maybe, but I don't know if I could do something like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." Wow. I would really be torn if that decision ever came up. “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3? Seriously? Oh wait… Megan Fox is in it? Hmm… I did fast forward through Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen…” True story. Don’t you dare judge me. That movie had Megan AND former friend of the blog Lindsay in it. Anyway, time for another confession, since I’m apparently in the mood. Remember how I’ve never seen a few movies that apparently everybody else has seen? Like Dirty Dancing? Oh yeah, still waiting for one of you ladies to put your extended version DVD where your mouth & watch it with me. Well, Lost Boys is also one of those movies. (Gasp!!!) Don’t be too surprised, you know how I feel about vampires…and teenage angst. I’ve seen bits & piece here & there…but not the whole movie. Well, I may have to check it out now to see if I can write a part in the remake for Miss Fox (she’s still Miss until she’s official Megan Fox-Austin-Green or whatever). If it turns out like “Twilight” though I may never watch a film about the Nosferatu ever again, just so you’re aware. I don’t want drama with my movie monsters dammit. I want sexy killing machines that are using their plethora of skills to get what they need – Blood. That being said, Miss Fox, if you’re looking for a character with some emotional development, you may prefer a few other storylines that I have written up. We can discuss them over dinner if you’d like.

YAAAAAWN!!! Ah man, that was a good nap. What happened? Last I remember, we were talking about girls throwing their panties at me when I was trying to discuss my plans for social security (“Give it to old people”). It must not have been too important though. Oh well, think I’ll go play some hoops in the park for a few and watch the sun set. Absolutely gorgeous weather the past few days. I’m really starting to get some resemblance of a tan. I know! Me, right? Well, I’ll let you all judge for yourselves when/if somebody catches a shot of me on the beach or something. In the meantime, have a great day everybody!!!

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