Batman v. Superman: Bop 'Em in Gotham

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Last night, Izzy & I got a special invite to a screening of “Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice” a full… maybe 24 hours prior to its worldwide release… but the price was right, so we went to see this EPIC movie featuring a load of costumed superheroes. This movie is basically the real jump-off point for the DC Cinematic Universe… and based on the previews leading up to it… I had some mixed feelings going in… but love for most of the characters… mainly the ones that I’m familiar with (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman… not so familiar with Flash, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, etc.) This movie starts out summing up the origin story of Batman (Ben Affleck) during the opening credits, which was great… because we’ve seen it a number of times in the various incarnations & flashbacks in the sequels. Then it picks up with the finale of “Man of Steel” where Superman (Henry Cavill) is battling General Zod (Michael Shannon), but it’s shown from the point of view of Bruce Wayne/Batman as a human from the streets of Metropolis… so building are falling left & right… thousands of casualties that were brushed over in “Man of Steel”. Then it fast forward to 18 months later… and the world is divided between those who see Superman as some sort of God to help us… and others as an Alien Threat that will destroy us all if he has a bad day. Then there’s the discovery a large chunk of green rock that can possibly be used as a weapon against Superman & his kind… and then probably the two richest people on Earth, Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) and Bruce Wayne, want it as a bit of deterrence against Superman. Look, basically check out the original trailer from a few months ago and you have the story. Lex uses the alien technology from the crashed ship to make Doomsday. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) makes a few brief appearances. That’s about all the spoilers that I’m going to give… and you got all that from the trailer. Here’s the breakdown:

  

Things I Liked About This Movie:

 

·         Wonder Woman – This is going to be the thing that everybody takes away from this movie… that Wonder Woman is the best part. I have a few theories on why this is… and it starts with that it’s basically a glorified cameo. Look, Gal Gadot is a fetching creature… and a decent actress in small doses. Can she pull a whole movie? Who knows? I assume there’s a reason that she hasn’t yet… but she will soon enough with the “Wonder Woman” movie coming soon, so then we’ll have an answer. She does a good job. Her accent isn’t that unnerving (which was a concern of mine) because you know… she’s French but could also pass for Greek as accents go… and compared with the Batman voice that this Batman has, there’s other things to worry about. Regardless, she does great. It’s a great intro to her character. We shall see if she can pull the lead role… but this movie is basically about 60% Batman movie, 30% Superman, 10% everybody else combined.

 

·         Visually Intriguing – Director Zach Snyder has a very distinct style… and the most notably is the very rich, dark, saturated color tone to basically every single frame of film. It’s pretty to look at, there’s lots of CGI (most of it is pretty decent), you’ve probably all seen “300”, “Watchmen”, “Sucker Punch”, “Man of Steel”, even “Dawn of the Dead” had elements of it… and what 90% of people talk about when they talk about those movies is just how pretty they were & how they were pretty imaginative for the time & badass from a visual standpoint. This movie is no different in that regard.

 

·         Sound Effects – In the theatre, the musical score is booming, every single character seems to have their own intro music like it’s WWE almost, the explosions, crunches, cracks, metal bending, all that is pretty intense & matches for the most part. Due to the epic scale of the movie, that’s good… because when a whole city is collapsing… or titanic beings are battling to the death… it can really take you out of a movie quick if the sound is a little off point. Also, director Zach Snyder get special recognition for using two songs from Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine (probably the greatest band you may have never heard of) as he did originally in “Dawn of the Dead” with their rendition of “Down with the Sickness”. They’re subtle in the movie obviously… but I caught it… and I have to rep for Richard Cheese.

 

·         Story is… Decent – I was a little worried that this movie was going to get very full of itself and really be pushing the whole Man vs. God thing… and that’s exactly what happened… like… repeated to a point of tedium… in case you went to the bathroom a few times during the lengthy run time. That being said though, they at least tried to make it intriguing from both points of view… and basically show that when people are scared, they do rash things. Whether it’s Batman wanting to keep Superman in check, because he used to be the big dick in the Gotham/Metropolis area & that has changed… or Lex Luthor fearing that all of his power from knowledge and/or privilege is now absolutely worthless in regards to Superman’s pure physical presence… or Superman just wanting to be a nice guy who protects people but he feels nothing but resent from those that he tries to protect… or Lois Lane for just being a f**king idiot / plot device who has a brief bathtub scene that… I actually rather enjoyed in just how silly & pointless it was. Anyway, the story was better than it really had to be… and is meant to be thought provoking, which I appreciate in what could be a very simple silly story & still make Brinks trucks of cash.

 

Things I Didn’t Like About This Movie:

 

·         Lex Luthor – Look, I think Jesse Eisenberg is a great actor in the few movies that I’ve seen him in. I love Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor in the old Superman movies. Hell, I liked Kevin Spacey in “Superman Returns” which everybody else hated. Even the construct of the character in this movie as a young Zuckerberg-type who has limitless financial means, incredible intelligence & ultimate contempt for everybody else in the world for his own personal gains & desires… really seems to work as a great plot forwarding device. You know, why else would Batman & Superman fight? That is except for the fact that Batman technically is a vigilante & Superman is Team America: World Police? However… watching this movie… I kept seeing the performance & mannerisms as matching up with a movie that I haven’t seen in nearly 20 years… and that was the Carrot Top vehicle “Chairman of the Board.” Also, nobody will ever touch him apparently. Superman, Batman, the government, they all just… kind of let him do whatever he wants… right in front of them… while monologuing… and they just kind of sit there… doing nothing. I’m actually kind of surprised that (spoiler alert) Lex Luthor gets arrested at the end. You know… he only tried to kill THE F**KING WORLD BY UNLEASHING AN UNHOLY ABOMINATION!!! “Ooooh, let’s shave his head & throw him in a cell.” Ridiculous…

 

·         Young Bruce Wayne Flying with the Bats – During the opening credits… you’ll see it… and when I saw it, I leaned over to Izzy and said “Oh God… this is not a good start…”

 

·         Superman’s Ever Growing List of Weaknesses – Look, I also understand that you have to give Superman weaknesses. That’s why Kryptonite exists, because otherwise he’d just kind of go through and solve the world’s problems almost inexplicably (like how he saves Lois & others in this movie). However… his ever-growing list of weakness includes his relationship with Lois… his mother Martha Kent (Diane Lane) back in Kansas… and frankly, his number one weakness… is his own stupidity. “UGH! I must do these horrible things to destroy the world to save Lois (who spoiler alert, is also part of the world)” Anyway, plot forwarding… I can look past this one a little bit.

 

·         Zack Snyder Tropes ABOUND!!! – As I mentioned, Zack Snyder has a very distinct style. Slow motion is EVERYWHERE!!! The run time in this movie could easily be a half hour shorter if they didn’t have dozens of scenes with super slow motion stuff going on… but it’s at least well hidden by the aforementioned soundtrack. The Physics in this world are… let’s say exaggerated or disregarded completely. There’s also a lot of the usual problems with these movies where… for example… a character may be able to pick up vehicles and toss them like a baseball in one scene… and then REALLY have to struggle with opening a door in the next scene. I don’t want to give away specific examples in this movie… but you’ll see them. Also, there’s a lots of guys with abs in this movie… but that’s standard Snyder. Heck, there’s a montage with Batman doing a P90X workout so that Affleck can show off his bod… and when Superman goes before Congress, suuuuuuper slow mo so that he can show off every single bulge in his suit.

 

·         Action Scenes are Hit or Miss – I have this one at the end because it’s kind of a like/dislike. I’m not going to be one of those super purist nerds who’s going to say that “Superman doesn’t kill” and “Batman doesn’t use guns” because… let’s be real… they do. Superman kills a lot of innocent bystanders while saving millions of people… that’s just fact, even in the comics. Also… especially in past movies, Batman uses guns… but in this movie, he uses LOTS of guns!!! Hell, you’ve seen the trailer by now, right? Did you notice that in the iconic scene where you see Superman, Wonder Woman & Batman together on screen… that Batman has the world’s largest f**king shotgun/grenade launcher at his disposal? Anyway, as for the fight scenes themselves, some are pretty tight & concise… others are just really confusing… and again, part of it is the fluctuation of physics in this cinematic universe… and I feel like this was Zach Snyder trying to touch on as many genre as possible. There’s car chase scenes like a “Fast & Furious” movie. There’s fight scenes that are the usual super-epic superhero stuff… as well as ones that are reminiscent of Asian movies like “Raid: Redemption” or “Oldboy” in their ferocity. It’s just kind of a mixed bag though.

 

Overall, you pretty much have to watch this movie if you like comics… and it’s not bad by any means. In fact, I would say that it’s pretty good and a decent start point for the whole “Justice League” franchise and all of its spin-offs. However, there are going to be plenty of times watching it where you think to yourself “What the…? What am I watching right now? Why is this in here?” It has a few flaws… but then again… as is constantly crammed down our throats, we all have flaws… especially our superheroes. Go check it out!

 

Also, Monday night the roommates and I hashed out some minor grievances over beer & wine, followed it up with “Tucker & Dale Versus Evil” and then a new movie that sounded interesting called “Lazarus Effect” starring Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass, Donald Glover & Evan Peters. This movie is about a group of Berkeley scientists who start out attempting to restimulate brain cells and grow new cells, etc… and somehow slip on a way to actually reanimate dead dogs… and I assume future animals with testing. Then the pharmaceutical company that gave them the grant step in to steal their research… and so they decide to break into the lab & do it again… despite the dog that they brought back from the dead having some… odd ultraviolent side effects. Well… something goes wrong during the experiment… and the superhot scientist (Wilde) ends up getting electrocuted. What to do? Bring her back, of course! You don’t need another corpse on your record. Well… it works… but then she starts having some serious side effects as well.

 

Okay, I remember hearing about this movie… and then NOTHING! Apparently it was made in 2013… and then released over two years later (never a good sign) when the surprisingly good cast really caught fire or something. Fun fact: David Gelb, the director of this movie actually did a pretty good job of keeping the atmosphere of the movie creepy… even when the script towards the end took a serious turn to the ridiculous. What has he done in the past? Well… he did the documentary “Jiro Dreams of Sushi” and… that’s about it. Overall, I thought the movie was pretty good. There were obvious flaws, but the acting was pretty good… the atmosphere was creepy… I kept thinking about “Deep Blue Sea” while watching it… but where that movie is ridiculous throughout, this one is a little more rooted in reality & not spitting one-liners or anything. I’d say check it out. It’s a scant 83 minutes WITH credits.

 

This past weekend, we also stopped by SFHG founding member Kevin’s homebrew shop / taproom / brewery that we’ve been (small time) investors in for the past few years, Ferment.Drink.Repeat. The location is not quite open (hopefully in the next few weeks) but it’s well on its way… and the homebrew shop portion is open during select hours. Congratulations to Kevin & his wife Shae for getting this monstrous adventure off the ground! Here are some pictures…

 

We also brewed up an IPA with hops that we had lying around (mostly from NHC) and some ingredients from FDR... this first one is a picture of our Mountain Brew that we enjoyed while making it...

 

 

In summation, our latest episode of the Everything I Learned From Movies Podcast (eilfm.podbean.com) will be posted by the time that you read this… and spoiler alert, we’re probably going to talk about Batman v Superman a bit… but check out our review of “Leprechaun in Da Hood” as well as a few surprises. Until then, have a great day everybody!!!

Daily Fuggle Redactions

d Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

How about some more news? Since I don’t have a lot of exciting stuff going on in my world just this moment...

 

My Kind of Coach - It may be the Preseason WNIT semifinals, but the first round is on Louisville coach Jeff Walz, who said he will buy the first 2,500 beers for of-age fans who attend the No. 5 Cardinals' game against No. 14 LSU on Thursday night. Walz's bar tab will come to $5,000. Assistant sports information director Kim Pemberton told ESPN.com on Wednesday that the promotion will take place and that Walz is paying for the beer with his own money. Fans with proper ID will get a voucher for one beer, which they can get at concession stands. "I tried that once in college, but I only got up to about 400 [people]," Walz joked to the Louisville Courier-Journal. "But no, no, no, I've never done that." The Cardinals' basketball facility -- the KFC Yum! Center -- is off campus, and beer is normally sold there for all games. The school said there are no NCAA compliance issues. "We're just trying to have a little bit of a good time here at the ballgame," Walz told the Courier-Journal. "Make sure you have a designated driver if you want to come and have a few of them. It's a little way to say thanks to all our adults who come and support us, and we're just trying to get some of our fans who haven't come out to come on out one time and get a drink and enjoy the ballgame and hopefully grab the attention of a few more fans." Amy Morgan, Louisville's assistant athletic director for marketing, told the paper that the promotion was Walz's idea. "It shows his commitment to the program and his desire to grow the program and expose as many fans as possible to their play on the court," she said. Two things. First, great idea coach! Were I within a thousand miles of Kentucky, I’d definitely consider coming to see the game. Secondly, wait… is that $2 per beer? Have I really been in San Francisco that long where that sounds like an absolutely STEAL??? Here, if you find $5 beer, you’ve basically found your bastion for nights out on the town… but then again, I’ve become a bit of a beer snob. Still though… like PBR is $3 happy hour specials and stuff like that. Hence… why I’m starting to make my own… and then perhaps sell some down the road once I have an established business… but yeah… great promotion coach! I hope it works out for you & the Lady Cardinals!

 

Toronto Mayor - Toronto's embattled mayor, Rob Ford, insisted on Wednesday he has zero tolerance for drugs and gangs, but also admitted he has bought illegal drugs in the past two years. Let that sink in for a moment. Speaking at a City Council meeting during which members almost unanimously urged him to take a break from his job, Ford said he cannot change his past actions, which include acknowledged use of crack cocaine. But he asserted his intention to continue to work as mayor so he can carry out his promise to save money for Toronto taxpayers. Asked if he had bought illegal drugs in the past two years, he replied somberly: "Yes, I have." Ford, elected in 2010 on a promise to end the City Hall "gravy train", admitted last week that he had smoked crack cocaine in "one of my drunken stupors". Wednesday's call for him to step aside came in council's first meeting since that admission. "Our city's reputation has been damaged and continues to suffer," City Councillor Jaye Robinson read from a non binding petition signed by 30 of the city's 44 councilors, and passed by a vote of 41 to two. "Together we stand to ask you to step aside and take a leave of absence to address your challenges privately outside of the public eye." Right, like that’ll happen now. Councilors will vote later on a separate motion that asks Ford both to take a leave of absence and to apologize for "misleading" Toronto residents… by telling the truth? Council has no power to force the mayor to step down or take a break unless he is convicted of a crime, and Ford insists he has no plans to go, or to seek treatment. "I am not an addict of any sort, so I am not quite sure why you are saying that I need help," he told councilors during an hour-long grilling that centered on his fitness to remain the city's chief magistrate… by the way, at the taxpayer’s expense since we (the royal hypothetical we of Canada) are paying taxes. "I can understand how people would perceive my behavior. The reason I drank or did drugs was not because of stress, it was out of sheer stupidity. That's all it was." As the questions continued, hundreds of protesters gathered outside City Hall, many of them calling on Ford to step down… while millions continued with their daily lives. An Ipsos-Reid poll conducted for several TV and radio stations showed that 76% of Toronto voters think Ford should step down or take a leave of absence, while only 24% agreed with Ford's insistence on staying in his job… but these are among people who didn’t insist they were on a no-call list & to never call them with surveys.  The scandal of the crack-smoking mayor broke six months ago, when the Toronto Star newspaper and media blog Gawker said they had been shown a video of the mayor smoking crack, an allegation that Ford spent six months denying. Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair has since confirmed the video exists, and Ford admitted earlier this month that he had indeed smoked crack. The events brought back memories of the scandal that enveloped former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry after he was filmed smoking crack in 1990 (and reelected a few years later, ‘MERICA!!!). Ford's admission has made him the target of late night-talk show jokes and put the international media interest on Toronto, including extensive coverage of Wednesday's City Hall debate on U.S. networks. Asked on Wednesday if more embarrassing revelations could come, Ford said: "As far as I know... you don't know if people are videoing this or doing that. I don't know what's out there right now. But everything that I'm aware of is out there." Last week, the Star bought a separate video that showed Ford in an expletive-laden rant, making threats to unspecified persons and pounding his hands together. Ford apologized and admitted he was "extremely inebriated". But more information is likely. A Superior Court judge on Wednesday ordered the release of more details from a police investigation that resulted in drug-trafficking and extortion charges against Ford's friend and part-time driver Sandro Lisi. A heavily redacted 474-page file was released two weeks ago and showed police had had the mayor under close surveillance for months, and had recorded numerous meetings with Lisi in parks and other venues. The judge ruled on Wednesday that some of the redacted portions be revealed. Ford said on Wednesday that his lawyer had advised him not to cooperate with police investigations. So… yeah, Toronto’s mayor may be in a bit of hot water… but whatever. The real question is… Is he doing his job? Or rather, was he doing his job well before all this came out & he spent 90% of his day answering reporter’s f**king questions & the other 10% eating ham & smoking crack? What are the results? Do we ever really hold our public officials responsible for their results? If you just spent your entire time at work going around & shaking hands & kissing babies when you were supposed to be helping the economy, infrastructure, schools, etc… wouldn’t you be fired? Yes… maybe if you were smoking crack on the job, that’s usually pretty quick case for HR… but if that’s it, then kick him out… and any other official whose doing this stuff. If not, or there’s no protocol for it, then shut the f**k up & let him do his job. He obviously has work to do in helping run the capital of Canada. “Ey hoser, the capital of Canada is Ottawa, eh!” And the capital of California is Sacramento but who gives a flying f**k??? My point still stands.

 

Navajo Bronze? Burnt Injun? – Two of my favorite things to talk about in this one… Marketing Strategies… and alleged racism. Club Sun Color Studios, a tanning salon based in Alabama raised controversy by posting an ad on its Facebook page promoting a Thanksgiving tanning special they were running. As reported by WPMI Local 15, the ad many find offensive shows a brunette woman dressed in a Native American costume next to a blonde woman with lighter skin dressed in a pilgrim costume. It reads: “The Indians brought more than just ‘corn’ to the first Thanksgiving…they brought Sexy ‘Color!’”

Club Sun Color Studios' controversial Facebook ad

 

I’m not exactly sure why the word ‘corn’ is in quotes, but Club Sun representatives stated that they did not mean to offend the public with their sunless spray tan advertisement. David Arnett, Marketing Director of Club Sun apologized for the ad and said, “I myself am Native American, and I am very proud of my heritage and skin tone. The thought process behind the ad was simply a play on my own ‘sexy color.' Again, I apologize for any offense and misunderstanding." Wait, David Arnett? I’m going to have to Google whether he’s really Native American or not. If so… Alabama? Tanning Salon? Really? Anyway, the ad is now gone from the Club Sun Color Studios Facebook page (yet all over the internet somehow… hmmm… maybe he really is a marketing director). WPMI asked Mobile, Alabama resident Ebony Monigan what she thought about controversy and she said, "Whether he's a Native American, the words still offend people." The station also spoke to Club Sun’s Vice President of Sales, Larry Andrews who said that the message was simply on an “Innocent in-house flyer,” adding, "I think this day and time people look for something to complain about and something to, to stir, stir the pot. I mean, if they would look for more positive things in life we'd have a much better Thanksgiving and holiday season." Despite that statement, Club Sun representatives said that they would be cautious about future ads. Probably a good plan… then again, it’s making the rounds on the website… and I guess they have a point, no matter how offensive it may be… a little melanin tends to give a sexy tone.

 

HOW Is This Surprising? - A two-year-old girl has been severely burned in suburban Atlanta in a freak accident after gasoline poured on an outdoor slide to make it slicker ignited from static electricity, police said on Tuesday. The toddler and her four-year-old sister were playing on a swing set on Saturday when the gasoline was put on the slide (WHAT?), said Keith Brooks, chief deputy of the Walton County Sheriff's Office. Investigators do not know which of the two siblings poured the gasoline (Wait, WHAT??? A 2 year old or a 4 year old poured the gasoline???) but determined, after finding no other ignition source, that static electricity sparked the blaze, Brooks said. "This was a freak accident. It's definitely strange that something like this would happen." ARE YOU F**KING INSANE??? It’s strange… that gasoline would ignite? HOW??? The two-year-old was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Atlanta and put into a medically induced coma to help her cope with the pain from her critical injuries, Brook said. Grady Health System, the hospital where she was taken, declined to comment on her condition on Tuesday. No charges are expected to be filed, the chief deputy said. Sigh… it’s tragic… it’s certainly tragic but… is this a thing? Does this happen at kids parks all over America & I just don’t know about it? “Well $teve, a gallon of gasoline only costs about $4 & it decreases viscosity on the slide so that you can go quicker… like a water slide.” Doesn’t water cost like… five cents a gallon? “Well yeah but… gasoline is much more slickerier… and water evaporates too quickly here in Georgia.” Uh-huh… so because water evaporates faster… and don’t get it twisted, gasoline evaporates too… and it’s vapor is highly explosive… but because water evaporates, you pour highly flammable gasoline on a children’s plaything so that they can slide down at a faster velocity? “Yes’r.” Okay, well… I guess if an adult is handling the gasoline then it’s… “Oh no s’r… the kids tend to handle that all by themselves.” (stunned silence) “I said the kids tend to…” I F**KING HEARD YA!!! Not sure what to say about this story other than to pose a question. We’re smart, right? Human beings? We’re capable of incredible things, right? Highly intelligent & all that? Just checkin’…

 

Batman Update - A Singaporean man with an unusual superhero-like name turned out to be a villain who consumed drugs and stole from his brother. Batman bin Suparman, which means Batman son of Suparman in the Malay language, was jailed on Monday for two years and nine months for various offences including stealing his brother's automated teller machine card to make withdrawals, media reported. The 23-year-old unemployed man had also broken into the office of a firm in western Singapore to steal money and taken heroin. Batman, who has his own fan club on Facebook, became a social media sensation after an image of his identity card with his unusual name was circulated online. You’ve all seen it. Keep your eyes out for a Tosh.0 Web Redemption down the road… I’m guessing at Six Flags over Singapore or something with the DC Comic characters involved in an intervention. It could happen. Stay away from heroin kids… it can even turn Batman and/or Superman into a pitiful being turnin’ tricks to get their next fix. Hmm… I think I just had an idea for an interesting spin-off… The Dark Knight Sniffs starring a coked-out Bruce Wayne. Patent pending.

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight. Have a great day everybody!!!

Divine Abortion

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Utah is just moments away so I’m excited for that… and I’m now officially certified to operate ATVs & other recreational vehicles in the state of Oregon… so I’m ready to go for my NEXT next trip. Despite marital strife currently separating the Wingmans, I’ll still be spending a wonderful time with Dizzy, Chick’n’Wing & her family eating crab all f**king day in the beauty of the Columbia River. It’s gonna be EPIC!!!

 

So Jay-Z released his new album entitled “Magna Carte Holy Grail” this week, so of course, I purchased it sight unseen (or rather unheard) because the man is basically one of my idols & doesn’t really steer me wrong in the music department. He’s even the subject of my first (and so far only) Music List with the same criterion as my Movie Lists (medals, suggestions, flush it, etc) a few years back. When his worst album to date is “Kingdom Come” and it’s still better than 90% of the stuff out there (maybe more) then I’m okay with purchasing for $12 opening week for what’s typically about 50-60 minutes of music (this one was just under an hour I think). I’ve given the album a few listens through… because I hate to jump to conclusions… and a great album will grow with time… but so far, it’s not among my favorites. Just saying… I’ll let you know if it grows on me but… we’ll see. Still the greatest though!

 

Last night I watched “Broken City” starring Russell Crowe, Catherine Zeta-Jones & Marky Mark Wahlberg… and directed by Allen Hughes of the Hughes Brothers. Surprisingly, it was actually kind of a new age spin on the film noir like “Chinatown” that I saw last week… but set in New York City & a little flashier and faster paced than normal. Anyway, the storyline is similar… there’s a cop (Marky Mark) who was involved in a questionable shooting so he was fired & became a private investigator. Well, his old buddy the mayor (Crowe) asks him to tail his wife (Jones) to find out who she’s having an affair with, conveniently right around election time. Well, he tails hers… and finds out that she’s been hooking up with his rival’s campaign manager… or is it something far more sinister? The campaign manager shows up dead, Marky Mark is implicated, more bodies show up, his girlfriend stars in a tasteful snuff film, he’s back on the wagon, things are spinning out of control… but he has to clear his name somehow. That’s all I’m going to tell you on the plot… but it was pretty good. There are a few things that were a bit of a stretch… and even a few awkward moments that seemed out of place… that also oddly enough, I remember were all in the previews that I saw on TV for the movie… so not sure what that’s all about… but it was decent. Not great, not horrible… kind of what you expected. I enjoyed it. Here’s some news…

 

Divine Abortion Attempt? - A couple and their newborn are miraculously recovering after being hit by lightning last week. Albuquerque residents Ian Gordon and his pregnant girlfriend, Kendra Villanueva, had been watching the fireworks and began to head inside as a lightning storm started to move in on July 4^th. Unfortunately, they couldn’t escape the strike. They were hit under a tree in front of Gordon's mother's house. "I had turned and started walking," Gordon told Action 7 News. "And next thing I remember, I woke up on the ground. My car alarm was blaring and I was dazed. I didn't know what happened." Gordon suffered a ruptured ear drum where the lightning either entered or left his body. Villanueva had a bleeding finger where the electricity had left her body. She worried about her unborn child. "I woke up and I didn't think she was going to make it for sure,” Villanueva said. Luckily, first responders in the area were minutes away and got to the couple quickly. Villanueva had to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency C-section. Her baby was born and although doctors aren’t sure yet, they think Kimberly Samantha Rose Gordon will be fine… except that she has too many names already… and she has definitely earned her nickname. "Last name's Gordon… so little Flash Gordon,” Gordon told station KRQE. FLASH! AAAAAAAH!!! The couple got to thank the emergency workers who saved their lives and ensured the safe delivery of the baby. The team received the "hero's coin," presented by the Albuquerque Fire Department. To avoid strikes during lightning season, April to November in most areas, follow simple precautions. Start by checking the weather. If a lightning storm is coming, stay indoors if possible. If outside, stay away from trees, or higher ground, and if you're in the water, get the f**k out! If your hair stands on end, lightning is about to strike — FEMA advises you to make yourself as small as possible by squatting low to the ground with your hands over your ears and your head between your knees… apparently like you’re fully prepared to be violated by Zeus’ rod… of lightning of course. Congratulations Gordons! You all survived essentially unscathed… but if there’s anything that I’ve learned from scary movies… Death will continue to hunt you down… at least until it’s no longer profitable. Be safe out there!

 


 

Cell Phone Shocker – In other shocking news, Apple Inc is investigating an accident in which a Chinese woman was killed by an electric shock when answering a call on her iPhone 5… while it was charging, the U.S. technology company said on Monday. Last Thursday, Ma Ailun, a 23-year-old woman from China's western Xinjiang region and a flight attendant with China Southern Airlines, was electrocuted when she took a call on the charging mobile telephone, the official Xinhua news agency quoted police as saying on Sunday. "We are deeply saddened to learn of this tragic incident and offer our condolences to the Ma family. We will fully investigate and cooperate with authorities in this matter," Apple said in an e-mail. Apple declined to comment on details… such as whether this was an isolated case (insert dramatic music). Ma's sister tweeted on Sina's microblog saying that Ma collapsed and died after using her charging iPhone 5 and urged users to be careful, a message that went viral on the site. In April, Apple apologized to Chinese consumers and altered iPhone warranty policies in its second-biggest market after its after-sales service suffered more than two weeks of condemnation by the state-run media. I know it’s not a huge surprise if you actually think about it… but cell phones are killing people. It’s no longer brain tumors (THAT’S why I text so much) that take years to develop… now it’s straight to electrocution. Sure, maybe it was an isolated incident in which her hand grazed a frayed wire on the charger cord, while she was wearing her favorite sequin jumpsuit & giant superconductive earrings, standing in a tub of water & somehow it was just the direct charge from the outlet racing through her body that killed her… but still, be careful out there. The last thing we want to hear about is more machines turning on their creators. My God! First cell phones, then sexbots… then wood chippers! We wouldn’t stand a chance! That is… unless they see snakes as more of a threat… then perhaps that epic battle (totally thinking about “Pacific Rim” right now) could help to eliminate our top two threats… and by then we could probably form an alliance with Zeus to eradicate the surviving droids & serpents. ALL HAIL ZEUS!!!

 

Alternative to the Zeus Alliance – Or there’s this other method… Imagine this: There's no need to throw out your old cellphone… because it will self-destruct. Yes, I love Mission: Impossible too… but that's the idea behind a project at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (French for “malt liquor”), where researchers are investigating how to build electronics that vanish in water. (Spoiler alert: They all kinda do already… but just stop working… but please continue) John Rogers is a professor of Materials Science and Engineering at the university. Rogers says the goal of the "born to die" program is to design transient technology that can dissolve at the end of its useful life, thus saving space in landfills and reducing waste. By which I assume he means a predetermined useful life (6-12 months?) and somewhere around halfway through that life, half the parts already disintegrated… but that’s okay… because if one or two parts disintegrate it already stopped working long ago… like two weeks after you started it & before you loaded all your contacts. Anyway, that’s my own little angle, back to the story. The research team isn't there yet (GASP!!!). But it has designed a chip built on a thin film of silk that dissolves when hit with water. Well heck, they’re already half way there to making a completely self destructing cell phone… which will certainly revolutionize the world… if not just the drug dealing industry with these supremely disposable phones. Also, next time that it rains… yeah… I don’t think they really thought this one out too well… but best of luck to you Professor Rogers. Fun Fact: As I was typing this up... my girlfriend was telling about how her new laptop fried within four months of existence. F**k your ideas, sir! Instead try making something that works... FOREVER!!!

 

Superman Update – Okay… it’s not really a Superman update… but still. Thailand's premier university has apologized for displaying a billboard that showed Adolf Hitler alongside Superman and other superheroes, saying Monday it was painted by ignorant students who didn't realize Hitler's image would offend anyone (really?). The huge billboard was placed outside the art faculty of Chulalongkorn University as part of a tribute to this year's graduating class. It said "Congratulations" in bold white letters and showed Hitler with his arm raised in a Nazi salute next to Batman, Captain America, the Incredible Hulk and Iron Man… who they apparently believe instead of forming the Avengers & Justice League joined Hitler in the Legion of Doom.  "(We) would like to formally express our sincere apology for our students' 'Superhero' mural," art school dean Suppakorn Disatapundhu said in a statement issued Monday. "I can assure you we are taking this matter very seriously." The billboard was up for two days before being removed Saturday in response to criticism. Online photographs showed graduating students in their robes, mimicking Hitler's raised arm salute. Suppakorn said that freshman art students had painted the banner as part of a traditional send-off from incoming students to the graduating class, and it was one of dozens of banners and billboards across the campus during the university's commencement period. The artistic vision behind the picture was to show that good and bad people co-exist in the world, Suppakorn said after summoning the students for an explanation. "They told me the concept was to paint a picture of superheroes who protect the world. Hitler was supposed to serve as a conceptual paradox to the superheroes," he said, noting that the superheroes were painted in vivid colors, while Hitler's image was in grey scale. "This kind of thoughtless display will not happen again." No sh*t! The Simon Wiesenthal Center, an international Jewish human rights group, had criticized the banner prior to its removal. "Hitler as a superhero? Is he an appropriate role model for Thailand's younger generation — a genocidal hate monger who mass murdered Jews and Gypsies and who considered people of color as racially inferior," Rabbi Abraham Cooper, associate dean at the center, said in a statement Friday. "The Simon Wiesenthal Center is outraged and disgusted by this public display at Thailand's leading school of higher education." The study of history in the Thai school system revolves primarily around the history of Thailand and its long line of kings. World history is glossed over, with little or no mention of the Holocaust. Now… before you start criticizing that aspect of their world history lessons, keep in mind, you didn’t even know that Thailand had kings until you just read that last sentence… unless you’re into Tony Jaa movies (PLEASE COME BACK!!!). Yes, it’s atrociously stupid… and basically the equivalent of Harvard presenting a special art exhibition with an entry entitled “King Anand Raping an Elephant on a Mound of Cocaine while its Offspring Watches” briefly… but still, how were we supposed to know? Good job, Thailand! Next time… keep in mind, that the still-bleeding head & spinal cord of Hitler being held by Superman ala Mortal Kombat fatality giving a smile & a thumbs up… probably wouldn’t have even been mentioned. By the way, both the “King Anand…” & “Flawless Victory” depicted above are patent pending. Sorry would-be billionaires off my ideas…

 

Anyway, that’ll end it for today I think… have a great weekend everybody & I’ll catch up with you after my Utah adventure!!!

Midyear Review

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

The weekend was pretty good… Dizzy & I basically watched a bunch of movies, walked a little bit (but it was pretty warm & muggy so not too much), relaxed & played video games, you know… fun stuff. We also discussed the idea of home brewing… so keep an eye out for a special Bacon Day celebration one of these days with homebrewed awesomeness… but don’t worry, it’ll be a few months down the road at least. We have to do a few test batches to make sure we’re not giving you Old Milwaukee or something.

 

Also, in case you didn’t know, it’s July 1^st, so it’s time for a little midyear review of my Resolutions:

 

• Date Dammit! – I’m not sure if Dizzy would approve of me dating more… she might get jealous
• Learn a Language – Not really…
• Get Back Into Ballin’ Shape – I went to the batting cages last week, but still drinking Mountain Dew. I may just have to give that up cold turkey & switch to water whenever I’m thirsty, still not too bad though, just could be healthier…
• Use My Passport – Still nothing international planned just yet but going to Utah in less than three weeks, Oregon for a week in about a month, and Jackie D & C-Real are talking about the Maldives next year. How’s that for exotic?
• Write a Children’s Book – I basically have the first 15 issues of our comic written & storyboarded, so now we just have to focus on getting the first few issues officially made & start selling to our demographic
• Don’t Sweat the Small Sh*t – Doing pretty good, but every day is a struggle. The main point of friction is where this idea crosses paths with “Don’t Let Triflin’ B**ches take advantage of you” so I keep it all in perspective… yet at the same time keeps it real…
• Look for the Next Step – I’m gonna sell my shares in the Brooklyn Nets & become a sports agent
• Survive the Apocalypse – So far so good… and I’m watching plenty of survival shows & watching disaster movies, which is important when you live at ground zero for all of them. “It all started when (insert threat to humanity) first appeared in San Francisco…” Speaking of movies, here are a few reviews from the weekend…

 

Saturday night, Dizzy, J-Mo, B&D and I went to see a special preview screening of “The Conjuring” starring Patrick Wilson (“Insidious” & “Watchmen”), Vera Farmiga (“The Departed”), Lily Taylor (“House on Haunted Hill”) & Ron Livingston (“Office Space”) from director James Wan. This movie is based on the real life accounts of Ed & Lorraine Warren, who were basically legends of the paranormal back in the 60’s & 70’s… and for all intensive purposes, it’s your standard plot for an exorcism/haunted house movie. A family gets a great deal on a house with plenty of acreage in Rhode Island, they move in, weird stuff starts happening, then sh*t gets real dangerous & they call in the Ghostbusters… or you know, paranormal experts (Wilson & Farmiga). However, what can set a movie like that apart from the others in the genre is the visual components, how the story unfolds, character development, acting, whether they have to resort to gore to get a reaction from the audience, and basically keeping the audience captivated & intrigued in the story on the screen… instead of snickering about how bad the CGI is or rolling your eyes like “Nobody’s going to walk into that dark ass room without a weapon on them!” Okay, so there are a few moments of that last one, but much like “Insidious” and a few other good horror flicks over the past few years, “The Conjuring” does a good job in developing the characters, keeping the story realistic, staying away from flashbacks & CGI, and basically it’s just a great horror flick. I’d definitely watch it again to see if I get the same reactions that I did in a theatre. You know, sometimes the sound system is what startles you instead of what’s going on the screen. Anyway, I’d say check it out.

 

Later that night, Dizzy & I watched another newer horror flick called “Mama” starring Jessica Chastain (“Zero Dark Thirty”) & Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime Lannister from “Game of Thrones”). You might recall the preview… it’s about the two young girls who were found after living in the woods alone miraculously for five years, basically making them feral children. Well, they’re found & their fairly wealthy uncle (Waldau) who has been searching for them for years, and his hot bass player girlfriend (Chastain) take them in & try to get them assimilated with the world. However, they soon find out that maybe their survival in the woods wasn’t miraculous… and they may have had someone watching over them… who wants them back. I’ll leave it at that for the story… but this movie was actually really well done with regards to how things were revealed, even character development was decent. Some characters you don’t particularly care for… but that’s how life is. Basically it was really good for the first hour or so… and then the last 20-30 minutes, it just kind of takes a turn for the worst. The story kind of falls apart. That being said, check out the preview, if it intrigues you, check it out… but just be warned that the ending may be disappointing.

 

 

Now for some light hearted fair, Dizzy & I watched “Lego: The Batman Movie” because we’re grown ups… and Batman is awesome… and Superman is in it as well… and spoiler alert, a lot of other DC comic book characters. The story starts with… look, let’s face it… does it really matter what the story is? It’s Batman… with Legos… and Superman… and Joker cracking wise… and it’s basically a sweet kid’s show. Have you played the Lego video games? It’s basically like those animation scenes but with a little better quality, actual voices & set in the DC Comic Universe for about 75 minutes. We really liked it, but it’s not going to win any awards. Kids should like it… adults might like it in the background… go ahead & check it out.

 

Next up was “Butterfly” starring Stacy Keach, Pia Zadora, Orson Welles… and brief cameos from June Lockhart & Ed McMahon (without his glasses). Now, from what I saw on IMDB, the director Matt Cimber basically made some exploitation films in the 60’s & 70’s so by 1982 he kinda had a theme set. Go ahead & check out his “body” of work… I’m already intrigued by the poster for one with Jayne Mansfield in 1966. (Shiver…) Anyway, this story is based on a novel… and is about a sexually open woman (Zadora) who meets up with her estranged father (Keach) who is the caretaker of an abandoned silver mine. Basically from there, it’s a fairly twisted tale of betrayal, incest, honor, morality… and frankly it gets a little out there. Now, one of the intriguing things about this movie… was that star Pia Zadora won both a Golden Globe AND a Razzie for her performance in this movie (the GG was bought & paid for I’m sure). She’s not the worst actress I’ve ever seen but… maybe the bottom ten… but she was hot so it’s okay. Stacy Keach does a decent job… given the role of being torn between banging his daughter, stealing silver to pay for her baby born out of wedlock/grandson, keeping his hussy daughter/love interest out of the whoring business, etc. However, I think my favorite role in this movie… was Orson Welles as the Judge. This was of course 80’s Orson Welles that you may remember from TV commercials, voice of Unicron in the “Transformers” cartoon movie & basically just waiting to die… but he shows up for at least two days of shooting for this movie… and during the final courtroom scenes when all the crazy sh*t comes to a head… you can just see it in his eyes that he doesn’t give two sh*ts about what he’s doing & no matter how crazy the plot holes are… you kind of just go, “Okay… I guess that’s the movie.” Roll credits. Would I recommend it? I’m making a list of movies that I want to do hilarious commentaries with some of my friends to get their reactions… and this made the list because it’s just so bad, weird, twisted, etc. Other than that, I wouldn’t waste the time.

 

New roommates coming in over the next few days, it’s a little awkward this first week but should be interesting to say the least. No NBA 2K13 update this time due to lack of playing time but now my brother wants me to play “Saint’s Row” with him as well. Apparently it’s like “Grand Theft Auto” but crazier… or something. Do you think he realizes that I’ve probably put in about four hours of playing time with GTA4 since I bought it four years ago? I’ll have to check it out though. Have a great 4^th of July everybody!!! ‘MERICA!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Saturday was Dizzy’s birthday… but the real celebration for her birthday will be next week. Stay tuned for details (it’s a secret & she reads the blog). Besides, this weekend her mom was in town… and her cousin was graduating high school… so it was more about family togetherness than her lasting another year of sexiness. Friday night, I met up for dinner with her & her mom so we went to our favorite $5.99 all-you-can-eat dim sum buffet in Chinatown. What’s the name of the place? Good question. It’s near the corner of Grant & Jackson though. We ate there, then we hung out at her place that evening watching an old TV show from the 90’s.

 

Now, “Due South” is a delightful little show that Dizzy turned me on to… though I swear I’ve seen the end credits before, so it was probably before something I used to watch in the mid-90’s. Anyway, it’s a comedic series about a mountie named Benton Fraser (Paul Gross) who goes to the mean streets of Chicago to look for his father’s killer (pilot) and then decides to stay there with the Canadian consulate. With his trusty wolf Diefenbaker, he pairs up with a local Italian-American stereotype detective and gets caught in all kinds of do-gooder shenanigans. Now, if you’re looking for intense cop drama, you’re not going to find it here… at all… like even a little bit. There are many plot holes, but it’s a fun little series about a sweet, honest, dedicated & infallible mountie and how he just tries to bring a little good & justice to the underprivileged of Chicago. Dizzy has loved it since she was a young’un… and I kinda think she sees a lot of Benton Fraser in me… you know, the whole tall good-looking sweet gentleman superhero thing. Anyway, I recommend checking out at least the first three episodes (the third one “Manhunt” has the great Leslie Nielsen as Buck Frobisher) and if you like it after that… you’re welcome.

 

Saturday, Dizzy went to the graduation while I slept in… we’ll say it’s because she couldn’t get any more tickets but… I’m not complaining. Afterwards though, we met up at California Pizza Kitchen for lunch with the family, then again in the evening we hung out at her aunt’s house for a few drinks & reminiscing… mostly about times before I came around, but it was still a LOT of fun. Sunday was pretty lazy… but that’s why I’m gonna fill you up with some newsy knowledge… and a super movie review.

 

Tuesday night, Dizzy, Angera & I went to see a special preview of “Man of Steel”, the new Superman reboot starring Henry Cavill (“The Tudors”) as Superman/Clark Kent, Amy Adams as Lois Lane, Michael Shannon as General Zod, Russell Crowe as Ja-Rel (bio daddy), Kevin Costner as Clark’s earth daddy, Diane Lane as Clark’s earth mama, and plenty of others in the cast like Laurence Fishburne, Harry Lennix, Christopher Meloni, Richard Schiff and on & on (and a superhot East German actress named Antje Traue, keep an eye on her). From the director of “300” & “Watchmen” Zach Snyder and the writer/producers of the “Dark Knight” trilogy, it was supposed to be a bit of a grittier more realistic Superman… and compared to the latest reboot from a few years ago, it definitely didn’t disappoint. The movie’s story is basically the combination of the original “Superman” (backstory of Krypton, intro of Superman) & “Superman II” (“KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!”) but is condensed into a 2.5 hour flick. This turns into the story being told in a lot of flashbacks, quick cuts, and can be a little off-putting & a little confusing at times… but overall, I’d say it was a pretty good flick. There’s a lot of action, some of which is pretty ridiculous & inconsistent… and plot holes abound… but this is Superman. I found it wildly entertaining, great score & tonal setting (I even broke a tear at one point), and the acting was very good. Henry Cavill does a great job of balancing the angsty side of a young Clark Kent with the charm that you’ve come to expect with Superman from the Christopher Reeve movies. Michael Shannon is pretty good as General Zod & the dichotomy of a man who will do anything to preserve his race, even if it means destroying most of it (just go with it) yet really fueled by vengeance at the same time. Amy Adams is cute… as she should be… but really the main thing I had with the movie is the INTENSE fight scenes & global destruction involved… with basically no repercussions. Spoiler alert/shocker: Manhattan (sorry Metropolis?) gets thoroughly throttled over the course of many epic battles… basically to the point of barren wasteland at the end of the final fight scene… yet during the resolution two minutes later, the Daily Planet is back to work like nothing happened. Now THAT’S a cleanup crew. Anyway, I would highly recommend going to watch the movie & I think everybody did a great job with it… but yeah, be ready to suspend your disbelief. P.S. There's a dragon...

 

Gats for Tots – In local news, Strobridge Elementary School in Hayward, California, held a toy-gun exchange program over the weekend, according to a report from CBS-5 San Francisco. Inspired by gun buy-back programs that focus on getting weapons off the streets, Principal Charles Hill felt a similar program for toys made a lot of sense. "Playing with toys guns, saying 'I'm going to shoot you,' desensitizes them," said Hill, "so, as they get older, it's easier for them to use a real gun." Students who participated were given books in exchange for their toy guns. They were also enrolled in a raffle to win a bike, the event's grand prize. CBS-5 spoke with parents who had brought their children to trade in their guns. One mother said she was always against toy guns, but she noted that her son felt left out when he saw the other kids playing with theirs. Some of the guns shown in the CBS-5 report were clearly fake, but others that were exchanged might easily have passed for real weapons. Police Officer Braydon Wilson, who was at the toy-gun exchange to talk to students about safety, told CBS-5 that sometimes kids will paint their toy guns to look like real ones. Other times, owners of real guns will paint the tip of the gun barrel orange to make it appear like a toy, according to Wilson. To sell to children? Hmm… I’m thinking that wasn’t the point of that last statement. The Daily Review spoke with Yih-Chau Chang, spokesperson for Responsible Citizens of California, a group that educates people about gun rights. "Having a group of children playing cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians is a normal part of growing up," Chang said to the Daily Review. "While the intentions are obviously good on the part of the school administration, this doesn't really educate children about guns or gun safety. Guns are used in crimes, but they are more often used in defensive ways, which prevent violent crime from occurring in the first place." So what do you think? Good idea? Bad idea? Personally I took two things away from this… I like the idea of trading toy guns for books to hopefully educate the kids… you know, fill their heads with little bullets of knowledge. Secondly, I also really like the idea of painting the tip of my real gun to orange so that people disregard it until I knee cap ‘em.  Some may say that it defeats the purpose of using a gun as a form of deterrence to coax somebody with an implied harmless gun but… I warned ‘em… they chose to call my bluff… pop-pop… pop-pop-pop-pop. G-u-NIT!!! Haha… sorry, apparently I’m the only one that thinks that’s funny. Well then, how about this next story?

 

Gats for Tots 2: Reloaded - Two would-be robbers met their match on Monday evening when they encountered a brave 10-year-old. (Note that in this story, the child is described as “brave”) It all began around 5:30 p.m. when the suspects, dressed in disguise, knocked on the door of the Brooklyn home. When two teenage girls opened the door, the two men pushed passed them, and headed upstairs, according to the Associated Press. When one of the suspects tried to enter a bedroom on the second floor, the 40-year-old home owner slammed the bedroom door on one of the home invaders arms, causing him to drop the gun. The owner's 10-year-old son grabbed the gun and fired a shot into the wall. One of the suspects fired back, without hitting anyone. The would-be robbers then ran off. Police are investigating, according to the AP story. They say other kids were in the house at the time but did not witness anything. (Jesus, how many kids were in the house?) So yeah, there’s an instance were a child holding a gun may have saved a life, right? Weird… Another brave boy also recently made news for his quick thinking during a home invasion. In Detroit, when burglars forced their way into Jaden Kanka’s home, the 9-year-old heard the intruders talking to his mom and boyfriend in the front of the house. He sneaked out the one-story bedroom window and ran to a neighbor, who called the police. The criminals were still in the home when police arrived and were quickly arrested. Where do I stand on gun laws? Look, if you know how to use them then maybe you should have one, just in case. It’s like an emergency kit in your car. You don’t want to have to use it… but it’s good to know it’s there when you need it. As far as kids with guns? Not until they’ve proven that they can learn to respect it… and even then, when they can afford to buy their own. Just like driving a car.

 

Drones: Taking More American Jobs – Drones are in the news a lot today… for many reasons. They’re being used in strategic threat elimination in wars overseas. They’re assisting with recognizance missions in otherwise uninhabitable areas from the wreckage of a fallen building to a nuclear hotspot at a nuclear power plant. They also remind many of those HK Killers from the Terminator movies & various other sci-fi mischief makers. However, now… in the present… this may be the next big threat to American jobs (such as eliminating strategic threats). TacoCopter turned out to be a fake. So did the Burrito Bomber. But now, the skies, at least in the U.K., have finally opened up to fast food: Domino's Pizza has carried out a delivery order by drone helicopter. Video of the DomiCopter—developed by Aerosight—was posted by T + Biscuits, the creative agency brought in by the pizza chain's U.K. headquarters. The copter reportedly can deliver up to two large pizzas over a four-mile radius in 10 minutes or less (which basically means all of San Francisco or Manhattan). “If anything, it went quicker than a pizza boy," T + Biscuits founder Tom Hatton told Fox News. "We were amazed at how easy it was going to be.” Of course, there are a few caveats about the drone delivery. First, it was not technically a drone mission. While Domino's said GPS coordinates could potentially be used in future delivery flights, this inaugural mission was controlled by an experienced drone copter pilot who had the benefit of several cameras to help guide the flight. Second, drone flights come with several restrictions in the U.S. For example, commercial drone flights are illegal in the U.S. until 2015. Why? You know why… Even then, in most states, drones can fly up to around 400 feet but must have the permission of landowners before entering private property. That could easily be handled by a one-click legal agreement with each online drone delivery order. But for now, the politics and science of drone food delivery remain complicated (and undiscussed really). In the meantime, Domino's U.K. says it will conduct further tests, including whether the drone can handle a larger payload to incorporate items such as 2-liter bottles of soda into future deliveries. Yes my friends… technology is making you fatter faster… and I think it’s great. I still expect my pizza to be cold, look like it’s been dropped a few times & somehow I’m pretty sure even the drone will give me the sh*t eye when I give them the tip.

 
 

Death of a Word – As you may know, I studied German for six years (well over a decade ago) and it has served me well… okay, actually it only came in handy watching “Inglorious Basterds” and other WWII movies… but still, I’m hopeful that one day it’ll help out. Anyway, the German language has one less long word to worry about… and it’s a doozy. "Rindfleischetikettierungsueberwachungsaufgabenuebertragungsgesetz," a 65-letter word meaning "law delegating beef label monitoring," has been dropped following changes to European Union law regulating the testing of cattle, the BBC reports. The so-called "tapeworm" word—common in Germany—was introduced in 1999 during the bovine spongiform encephalopathy (aka "mad cow disease") crisis. But now that the EU has halted testing of "healthy cattle at abattoirs," the BBC said, "the need for the word vanished." With "rindfleischetikettierungsueberwachungsaufgabenuebertragungsgesetz" ousted, the 49-letter  Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitaenswitwe" ("widow of a Danube steamboat company captain") appears to have inherited the longest-word mantle, though it does not appear in the German standard language dictionary. The longest word found in there is "Kraftfahrzeughaftpflichtversicherung," or "automobile liability insurance." The longest word in the English language is the subject of nerdy debate, mostly over whether chemical terms should be considered words. The chemical name of the largest known protein, for instance, has 189,819 letters. (Last year, a man attempted to pronounce it in a three-hour, 30-minute YouTube video.) Really? Come on now, chemistry nerds… "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis," a lung disease caused by inhaling very fine ash and sand dust, was the longest word to appear in a major dictionary when it turned up in the Webster's New International Dictionary in 1939. My money is on "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," a song from the 1964 Disney film "Mary Poppins," that appears in the Oxford English Dictionary. What does that mean? Absolutely nothing. German words are funny… but now we bid… that word, auf wiedersehen (until I see you later… because I’m pretty sure there’ll be another meat-born disease in Europe soon enough & then… that word will come back into everyday lexicon).

 

Bacon Update – Bacon & donuts! Everybody knows that bacon & donuts go together like… like bacon & eggs… or bacon & beer… or bacon & bleu cheese… or bacon & bacon. However, Dunkin’ Donuts wants everyone to have the opportunity to experience its new culinary creation. So the store has decided to begin selling its bacon, egg and doughnut sandwiches at all of its locations beginning June 7^th. The sandwich contains a fried egg and slices of smoked bacon stuffed between the halves of a sliced, glazed doughnut. “The glazed doughnut is light and fluffy and gives you just the right amount of sweetness,” says Dunkin’ Executive Chef Stan Frankenthaler. “Combined with the lightly salted, smoked bacon, the texture and flavors marry together in a wonderful way. It’s a delicious bite of the perfect harmonization of sweet and savory flavors.” And the timing is perfect, as June 7 was also the too-good-to-be-true holiday National Doughnut Day. As it turns out, Dunkin' is not the first operation to produce a doughnut-based sandwich. The Illinois minor league baseball team the Gateway Grizzlies has been selling a doughnut hamburger, using Krispy Kremes in place of traditional buns. The ballpark says it sells 100-200 of the sandwiches each game night for $4.50 each. However, the bacon donut sandwich is not the avalanche of calories some might expect. In fact, it clocks in at only 360 calories, less than Dunkin’s turkey sausage sandwich (390 calories), which is marketed at more health conscious consumers. Then again, we’re talking about comparing Dunkin’ Donuts to Dunkin’ Donuts. Interestingly, food chains that offer lower-calorie dining options saw an 11% spike in sales last year, while those that didn’t saw a 15% drop in sales, according to information released by the Hudson Institute. However, as the AP notes, over-the-top food options have proved incredibly popular as well. For example, Taco Bell said its Doritos Locos Taco has proved to be its most successful item ever, boosting the chain’s overall sales by 8% in 2012 (and that’s some SERIOUS coin for a staple chain like Taco Bell). And if that's the case, the bacon doughnut might just prove to be a strong addition for Dunkin' Donuts, which already generated some $5.5 billion in 2012 across its 7,015 U.S. locations. What’s the point? Bacon sells! And yes… I kinda want bacon egg & donut sandwiches to be part of the next Bacon Day…

 

What’s that? WHEN IS THE NEXT BACON DAY? Well, in honor of the great thespian & Philadelphia’s own Kevin Norwood Bacon’s 55^th birthday coming up in early July (and basically the one year anniversary of the idea), we are throwing the next Bacon Day within the next month. Really just trying to decide between the two weekends before & after… and just in time to introduce two new roommates to the incredible event!!! So if you’re interested, let me know & I’d be happy to send you the details. We’d love to host you & share our delicious treats with you.

 

Aside from that, not a whole lot more else to say, work is work, play is play, tomorrow is another day! Have a great day everybody!!!