Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Daily Fuggle Redactions

d Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
How about some more news? Since I don’t have a lot of exciting stuff going on in my world just this moment...
My Kind of Coach - It may be the Preseason WNIT semifinals, but the first round is on Louisville coach Jeff Walz, who said he will buy the first 2,500 beers for of-age fans who attend the No. 5 Cardinals' game against No. 14 LSU on Thursday night. Walz's bar tab will come to $5,000. Assistant sports information director Kim Pemberton told on Wednesday that the promotion will take place and that Walz is paying for the beer with his own money. Fans with proper ID will get a voucher for one beer, which they can get at concession stands. "I tried that once in college, but I only got up to about 400 [people]," Walz joked to the Louisville Courier-Journal. "But no, no, no, I've never done that." The Cardinals' basketball facility -- the KFC Yum! Center -- is off campus, and beer is normally sold there for all games. The school said there are no NCAA compliance issues. "We're just trying to have a little bit of a good time here at the ballgame," Walz told the Courier-Journal. "Make sure you have a designated driver if you want to come and have a few of them. It's a little way to say thanks to all our adults who come and support us, and we're just trying to get some of our fans who haven't come out to come on out one time and get a drink and enjoy the ballgame and hopefully grab the attention of a few more fans." Amy Morgan, Louisville's assistant athletic director for marketing, told the paper that the promotion was Walz's idea. "It shows his commitment to the program and his desire to grow the program and expose as many fans as possible to their play on the court," she said. Two things. First, great idea coach! Were I within a thousand miles of Kentucky, I’d definitely consider coming to see the game. Secondly, wait… is that $2 per beer? Have I really been in San Francisco that long where that sounds like an absolutely STEAL??? Here, if you find $5 beer, you’ve basically found your bastion for nights out on the town… but then again, I’ve become a bit of a beer snob. Still though… like PBR is $3 happy hour specials and stuff like that. Hence… why I’m starting to make my own… and then perhaps sell some down the road once I have an established business… but yeah… great promotion coach! I hope it works out for you & the Lady Cardinals!
Toronto Mayor - Toronto's embattled mayor, Rob Ford, insisted on Wednesday he has zero tolerance for drugs and gangs, but also admitted he has bought illegal drugs in the past two years. Let that sink in for a moment. Speaking at a City Council meeting during which members almost unanimously urged him to take a break from his job, Ford said he cannot change his past actions, which include acknowledged use of crack cocaine. But he asserted his intention to continue to work as mayor so he can carry out his promise to save money for Toronto taxpayers. Asked if he had bought illegal drugs in the past two years, he replied somberly: "Yes, I have." Ford, elected in 2010 on a promise to end the City Hall "gravy train", admitted last week that he had smoked crack cocaine in "one of my drunken stupors". Wednesday's call for him to step aside came in council's first meeting since that admission. "Our city's reputation has been damaged and continues to suffer," City Councillor Jaye Robinson read from a non binding petition signed by 30 of the city's 44 councilors, and passed by a vote of 41 to two. "Together we stand to ask you to step aside and take a leave of absence to address your challenges privately outside of the public eye." Right, like that’ll happen now. Councilors will vote later on a separate motion that asks Ford both to take a leave of absence and to apologize for "misleading" Toronto residents… by telling the truth? Council has no power to force the mayor to step down or take a break unless he is convicted of a crime, and Ford insists he has no plans to go, or to seek treatment. "I am not an addict of any sort, so I am not quite sure why you are saying that I need help," he told councilors during an hour-long grilling that centered on his fitness to remain the city's chief magistrate… by the way, at the taxpayer’s expense since we (the royal hypothetical we of Canada) are paying taxes. "I can understand how people would perceive my behavior. The reason I drank or did drugs was not because of stress, it was out of sheer stupidity. That's all it was." As the questions continued, hundreds of protesters gathered outside City Hall, many of them calling on Ford to step down… while millions continued with their daily lives. An Ipsos-Reid poll conducted for several TV and radio stations showed that 76% of Toronto voters think Ford should step down or take a leave of absence, while only 24% agreed with Ford's insistence on staying in his job… but these are among people who didn’t insist they were on a no-call list & to never call them with surveys.  The scandal of the crack-smoking mayor broke six months ago, when the Toronto Star newspaper and media blog Gawker said they had been shown a video of the mayor smoking crack, an allegation that Ford spent six months denying. Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair has since confirmed the video exists, and Ford admitted earlier this month that he had indeed smoked crack. The events brought back memories of the scandal that enveloped former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry after he was filmed smoking crack in 1990 (and reelected a few years later, ‘MERICA!!!). Ford's admission has made him the target of late night-talk show jokes and put the international media interest on Toronto, including extensive coverage of Wednesday's City Hall debate on U.S. networks. Asked on Wednesday if more embarrassing revelations could come, Ford said: "As far as I know... you don't know if people are videoing this or doing that. I don't know what's out there right now. But everything that I'm aware of is out there." Last week, the Star bought a separate video that showed Ford in an expletive-laden rant, making threats to unspecified persons and pounding his hands together. Ford apologized and admitted he was "extremely inebriated". But more information is likely. A Superior Court judge on Wednesday ordered the release of more details from a police investigation that resulted in drug-trafficking and extortion charges against Ford's friend and part-time driver Sandro Lisi. A heavily redacted 474-page file was released two weeks ago and showed police had had the mayor under close surveillance for months, and had recorded numerous meetings with Lisi in parks and other venues. The judge ruled on Wednesday that some of the redacted portions be revealed. Ford said on Wednesday that his lawyer had advised him not to cooperate with police investigations. So… yeah, Toronto’s mayor may be in a bit of hot water… but whatever. The real question is… Is he doing his job? Or rather, was he doing his job well before all this came out & he spent 90% of his day answering reporter’s f**king questions & the other 10% eating ham & smoking crack? What are the results? Do we ever really hold our public officials responsible for their results? If you just spent your entire time at work going around & shaking hands & kissing babies when you were supposed to be helping the economy, infrastructure, schools, etc… wouldn’t you be fired? Yes… maybe if you were smoking crack on the job, that’s usually pretty quick case for HR… but if that’s it, then kick him out… and any other official whose doing this stuff. If not, or there’s no protocol for it, then shut the f**k up & let him do his job. He obviously has work to do in helping run the capital of Canada. “Ey hoser, the capital of Canada is Ottawa, eh!” And the capital of California is Sacramento but who gives a flying f**k??? My point still stands.
Navajo Bronze? Burnt Injun? – Two of my favorite things to talk about in this one… Marketing Strategies… and alleged racism. Club Sun Color Studios, a tanning salon based in Alabama raised controversy by posting an ad on its Facebook page promoting a Thanksgiving tanning special they were running. As reported by WPMI Local 15, the ad many find offensive shows a brunette woman dressed in a Native American costume next to a blonde woman with lighter skin dressed in a pilgrim costume. It reads: “The Indians brought more than just ‘corn’ to the first Thanksgiving…they brought Sexy ‘Color!’”
Club Sun Color Studios' controversial Facebook ad
Club Sun Color Studios' controversial Facebook ad
I’m not exactly sure why the word ‘corn’ is in quotes, but Club Sun representatives stated that they did not mean to offend the public with their sunless spray tan advertisement. David Arnett, Marketing Director of Club Sun apologized for the ad and said, “I myself am Native American, and I am very proud of my heritage and skin tone. The thought process behind the ad was simply a play on my own ‘sexy color.' Again, I apologize for any offense and misunderstanding." Wait, David Arnett? I’m going to have to Google whether he’s really Native American or not. If so… Alabama? Tanning Salon? Really? Anyway, the ad is now gone from the Club Sun Color Studios Facebook page (yet all over the internet somehow… hmmm… maybe he really is a marketing director). WPMI asked Mobile, Alabama resident Ebony Monigan what she thought about controversy and she said, "Whether he's a Native American, the words still offend people." The station also spoke to Club Sun’s Vice President of Sales, Larry Andrews who said that the message was simply on an “Innocent in-house flyer,” adding, "I think this day and time people look for something to complain about and something to, to stir, stir the pot. I mean, if they would look for more positive things in life we'd have a much better Thanksgiving and holiday season." Despite that statement, Club Sun representatives said that they would be cautious about future ads. Probably a good plan… then again, it’s making the rounds on the website… and I guess they have a point, no matter how offensive it may be… a little melanin tends to give a sexy tone.
HOW Is This Surprising? - A two-year-old girl has been severely burned in suburban Atlanta in a freak accident after gasoline poured on an outdoor slide to make it slicker ignited from static electricity, police said on Tuesday. The toddler and her four-year-old sister were playing on a swing set on Saturday when the gasoline was put on the slide (WHAT?), said Keith Brooks, chief deputy of the Walton County Sheriff's Office. Investigators do not know which of the two siblings poured the gasoline (Wait, WHAT??? A 2 year old or a 4 year old poured the gasoline???) but determined, after finding no other ignition source, that static electricity sparked the blaze, Brooks said. "This was a freak accident. It's definitely strange that something like this would happen." ARE YOU F**KING INSANE??? It’s strange… that gasoline would ignite? HOW??? The two-year-old was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Atlanta and put into a medically induced coma to help her cope with the pain from her critical injuries, Brook said. Grady Health System, the hospital where she was taken, declined to comment on her condition on Tuesday. No charges are expected to be filed, the chief deputy said. Sigh… it’s tragic… it’s certainly tragic but… is this a thing? Does this happen at kids parks all over America & I just don’t know about it? “Well $teve, a gallon of gasoline only costs about $4 & it decreases viscosity on the slide so that you can go quicker… like a water slide.” Doesn’t water cost like… five cents a gallon? “Well yeah but… gasoline is much more slickerier… and water evaporates too quickly here in Georgia.” Uh-huh… so because water evaporates faster… and don’t get it twisted, gasoline evaporates too… and it’s vapor is highly explosive… but because water evaporates, you pour highly flammable gasoline on a children’s plaything so that they can slide down at a faster velocity? “Yes’r.” Okay, well… I guess if an adult is handling the gasoline then it’s… “Oh no s’r… the kids tend to handle that all by themselves.” (stunned silence) “I said the kids tend to…” I F**KING HEARD YA!!! Not sure what to say about this story other than to pose a question. We’re smart, right? Human beings? We’re capable of incredible things, right? Highly intelligent & all that? Just checkin’…
Batman Update - A Singaporean man with an unusual superhero-like name turned out to be a villain who consumed drugs and stole from his brother. Batman bin Suparman, which means Batman son of Suparman in the Malay language, was jailed on Monday for two years and nine months for various offences including stealing his brother's automated teller machine card to make withdrawals, media reported. The 23-year-old unemployed man had also broken into the office of a firm in western Singapore to steal money and taken heroin. Batman, who has his own fan club on Facebook, became a social media sensation after an image of his identity card with his unusual name was circulated online. You’ve all seen it. Keep your eyes out for a Tosh.0 Web Redemption down the road… I’m guessing at Six Flags over Singapore or something with the DC Comic characters involved in an intervention. It could happen. Stay away from heroin kids… it can even turn Batman and/or Superman into a pitiful being turnin’ tricks to get their next fix. Hmm… I think I just had an idea for an interesting spin-off… The Dark Knight Sniffs starring a coked-out Bruce Wayne. Patent pending.
Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight. Have a great day everybody!!!


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