SFHG Barbecue & ADAM CAROLLA

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Friday, I met up with Jackie D, Supastar, Restless & her boyfriend and we headed over to Church Key in North Beach for a few libations. I like this bar… it typically has a fantastic selection of very different beers from sours to various stouts… and they usually have a few dark beers on draft which is always good. My favorite this adventure was Dark Seas Imperial Stout… and I’ve found that you really can’t go wrong with Imperial anything. They’re just strong, delicious & like a supersized version of the original profile. After a few rounds, we grabbed some pizza slices at Tony’s… and then I was off to pick up Izzy from a day at work via bus. Good times.

 

Saturday was the San Francisco Homebrewers Guild Tribute to America Beer Competition & Barbecue!!! This was the first event handled by the new leadership group (including myself) and I think it went swimmingly. We set up a 10’ x 10’ tent, plenty of tables, the grills, a few key elements of picnic foods, and viola we had a pretty bitchin’ barbecue with plenty of homebrew to share. Here are some pictures…

 

Towards the end, we also shared the results of our competition beers (American styles which were submitted a few weeks back). We had entered our Honey Amber Ale… and then soon realized that we were disqualified because we had used honey, which technically makes it a “Specialty” category, which was not part of this competition. Oh well… there was also the People’s Choice Award where everybody could pick their favorite competition beer & non-competition beer that was on display that afternoon. I’m feeling really good because… we basically finished 2^nd & 3^rd in the People’s Choice with our Honey Amber & what we’re now calling our Oktoberfest-Lite, which everybody enjoyed. We got some great feedback on our beers… tried some others to inspire future brews… and there were some great selections that won the awards… and of course, everybody had a fantastic time… and that’s what’s most important!!! I’m really excited to be working with these guys & gals to make these kinds of events happen.

 

By the way, if you would like to take part in these kinds of fun events, hit me up & I can let you know how to join the Guild… or even if you want to stop by & check it out. Izzy’s sister, Jackie D & soon Bubbles will be guests at our monthly meetings… and they seem to love them. Holla back!!!

 

Sunday night, Izzy & I went to The Palace of Fine Arts to watch a live podcast of Adam Carolla with special guest Mike Rowe. That’s right… the Holy Trinity of Manliness was in the same building (including myself). They were basically on stage for just under two hours doing their standard routine… but if you haven’t heard the podcast before, it’s basically a lot of outstanding comedy, social commentary, current events, interviews of special guests… and just a plain good time. This was actually one of the better podcasts that I’ve heard & I was glad that we could be a part of it… and did I mention we were sitting 2^nd row? Yeah… cuz we’re awesome like that…

 

Anyway, so it was a pretty amazing weekend… and this weekend should be even better as my mom flies in on Wednesday & we board for our 10-day cruise to Alaska on Friday. I’m sure you’ll be anxiously awaiting all of our pictures! I’m sure anxious to be spending some time with loved ones instead of working my anus completely off. So yeah, may be a while before you hear from us but… Thanks for reading! Have a great day everybody!!!

Thin Man & Bacon Girl

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

There have been a few recent posts on the Terrible Lizard Brewing blog about our SF Beer Week adventures… but now it’s time for the more journal-ish part of the blog… about just my silly ass. So here’s what you might have missed. Ugh… One night, Dizzy & I watched “The Ladies Man” starring Tim Meadows, Will Ferrell, and the ageless one Billy Dee Williams. Seriously… did you know that Lando is in his mid-70s? Which means that he was about 65 when “The Ladies Man” came out… and 43 when he was f**king Lando in “Empire Strikes Back”!!! Mack fact, Jack! Black don’t crack. Anyway, I’ve reviewed this movie before (go see it if you haven’t) so I won’t bore you with it right now. Check out the archives.

 

Courtesy of Netflix, we watched “The Croods” starring the voice talents of Nicolas Cage, Emma Stone, Catherine Keener & others. The Croods are a family of Neanderthals who basically spend their days hunting & their nights hiding in a cave to avoid getting eaten. Until one day, their curious older daughter (Stone) goes out into the night… and finds a slightly more evolved young man (Ryan Reynolds) who tells her that the world is going to end in a great destruction that’s coming. Well, it comes… and now this family must escape dangerous creatures and make it to… I don’t know, the Great Valley (for all you “Land Before Time” fans out there). It’s a kid’s flick… and it has some funny moments… but yeah, fairly predictable. The weird thing is that I remember this show having a poster at my bus stop for… I don’t know… four months leading up its release… and then I didn’t see it anywhere. Maybe that’s how the kids shows are nowadays. If they don’t have $100 million the first week, then they’re fast tracked to DVD sales to make way for the next one that will… but yeah, good to see Nic Cage still getting work. He’s the father Ugg by the way. Check it out if you have kids… or if you don’t, you’re not really missing much. Whatever you do… don’t be a dinosaur / ice age nerd and be looking for anything resembling scientific fact or reason though. Just remember, it’s a kid’s flick. There will be farts.

 

Thursday night, Dizzy & I had a little bit of a Valentine’s Movie Night and were going to the El Cerrito Theatre to watch “The Thin Man” which is the original of the Nick & Norah series… but that showing was sold out… so we decided to just swing by Silver Screen Video & pick up their copy. Oh, you haven’t heard of the Nick & Norah series? They’re from the 1930’s is probably why… but it may sound familiar. It’s a former detective husband Nick Charles (William Powell) and his playful heiress wife Norah (Myrna Loy) and they investigate murder cases… basically because they’re bored… and usually have cocktails in their hands while doing it. Also, this movie was directed by W.S. (stands for Woodbridge Strong) Van Dyke… who get this, from 1917 to 1942, directed 91 films. That’s almost four films per year… so basically the opposite of directors nowadays who direct one every four years. Also, this movie also had one of the great suave Latin lovers of the day… Cesar Romero. What’s that? Oh you’ve heard that name somewhere? Because he was the f**king Joker in the 60’s Batman TV series… but before that, he was even MORE awesome. Anyway, the movie is kind of a Hitchcock detective flick meets the Marx Brothers as Nick & Norah are always quick with the witty remarks & impeccable comedic timing… and I absolutely loved it. They movie was fun, intriguing (if just to see the separate beds in the master bedroom & the jargon of 80 years ago when the movie was made) and just a good ol’ time at the movies. Sure, it would’ve been cool to see on the big screen but… oh yeah, I have a big screen at home. Problem solved. Now we’ll probably have to see some of the other Nick & Norah movies… and I’m perfectly okay with that. Now for some news…

 
 

Jersey Bacon Festival - Get ready for bacon like you've never eaten, drunk or worn it before. Bacon milkshakes. Chocolate-covered bacon shaped like roses. Bacon-flavored toothpaste, dental floss and lip balm. Bacon bourbon, margaritas, beer and vodka. Bacon ice cream sundaes. A BLT sandwich with a full pound of bacon. They're all on the menu this week as one Atlantic City casino stretches the bounds of good taste and cardiovascular health with Bacon Week. The festival at the Tropicana Casino and Resort gives new meaning to the term "pigging out." The idea of a bacon festival is not as far-fetched as it might sound. Americans eat about 1.5 billion pounds of bacon a year, according to the National Pork Board. And the website bacontoday.com counted nearly 30 bacon festivals around the country from late April through December 2013, many of whose tickets sold out in minutes. "Bacon is like heaven," said Nadina Fornia, of Egg Harbor Township. "If you're going to die, die with bacon on your lips and a BLT in each hand." Perhaps a little dramatic… but she was drawn to the casino Monday by the promise of bacon in far-out forms, including milkshakes and beer (not in the same glass, thankfully.) She also heard about the bacon-infused vodka. "That is my quest today," she said. Fornia tried a bacon bloody Mary mixed with a smoky bacon beer. Despite the overwhelming salty taste and the small strip of bacon floating in the glass, it tasted mostly like sharp tomato juice, she said. Nearby were chocolate covered pretzels with crumbled bacon bits; chocolate-drizzled potato chips with bacon, two kinds of pasta dishes with bacon, bacon cupcakes, and bacon wrapped around a fake green stem to form roses, which were then dipped in chocolate. "The first taste is chocolatey, then it's all bacon," said Melissa Ehrke, of Egg Harbor Township. "I was a little surprised I liked it, 'cause I was afraid to try it. It's that whole sweet and salty thing." While bacon-flavored grooming items are sold at festivals around the nation, they were encountering some skepticism at the Tropicana this week. "There are people that are just crazy for bacon," said Denise McGrath, of Neptune City. "But bacon toothpaste or floss? I'm not that crazy." James Sanders, of New York City, was in heaven trying as many free samples of bacon-flavored items as he could get his hands on. "I love me some bacon!" he exclaimed between bites of ... something. "I don't even know what this is, but it's got bacon in it. And it's good!" Sanders said eating bacon is a multilayered experience. "You keep chewing it and chewing it, and the flavor comes out the more you chew on it," he said. "And then you get to the fat and that floods into your mouth. I just love it." Carrie Jorgenson and her husband, Mike, were downing the bacon bloody Mary beer concoctions, while channeling celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse. "I love pork. All things pork," she said. "That's what Emeril used to say, that pork fat rules, and it does." So… in other words… it’s like our Bacon Day parties… but over in on the Jersey Shore. Good to know but… I’ll stick to the West Coast… cuz you and I know it’s the Best Coast.

 

Anyway, again, be sure to check out the Terrible Lizard Brewing blog for some of the fun recent events in the world of $teve & Dizzy. Some of the things coming up from SF Beer Week include us helping with a 200+ gallon batch of IPA, a Barleywine festival, a big homebrew party with the SF Homebrewers Guild, and a bunch of our own homebrew things like starting a new batch (Oktoberfest), bottling another (Winter Warmer)& sampling a few others (Bourbon Barrel Porter & Quick Mead). Have a great weekend everybody!!! And Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

High Brow Entertainment

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Well, it’s been a pretty standard week thus far. I’ve been trying to avoid getting sick since all of my coworkers insist on working so that everybody can share in their misery… but hey, that’s Corporate America. What’s that? Oh you even have paid time off for sickness & you still show up to work because you have to use that time for other things like hair appointments or random days off? So be it. I can understand. I don’t agree… but I understand the concept. That being said, still like my job & am proud to put in a good day’s work.

Dizzy did something AWESOME the other day!!! She assisted her local microbrewery in brewing up a Double RyePA. She was there by 5:30 AM and… well, I don’t even really have all of the details yet… but I’m sure that she’ll elaborate about it in a future post on our beer blog. What’s that? Oh, you didn’t even know that we HAD a beer blog? How is that possible? I feel like I’ve mentioned it a few times back when we first opened it up… but regardless, the link is below. Please feel free to check it out & Like it or Friend it or whatever so that you get those interesting updates.

Terrible Lizard Brewing at:

http://terriblelizardbrewing.blogspot.com  

Just to elaborate on this blog again (because I’d like some viewership), basically it’s a blog about our adventures in beer. Whether it’s our homebrewing (about to start batch #7 this weekend), books that we’ve heard on the subject, documentaries that we’ve seen, touring large scale breweries, patronizing local establishments, attending festivals & events, all centered around the subject of Beer & Beermaking. We find it interesting… and I kinda think that you will too. If not, it’s probably only because of my piss-poor storytelling abilities… and I’m trying to work on that. I’m always up for suggestions.

Last night, Dizzy & I watched a Netflix movie called “Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury” starring Kevin Sorbo, Danny Trejo… and a host of other great cameos by forgotten stars like Brian Callen, Gary Valentine & even the great Richard Karn (Al from “Home Improvement”). Now, the premise of the movie is pretty ridiculous… so that’s what drew me to it initially… but it’s even better. See… the movie is unfolded as if it were a director’s cut kind of storytelling about the making of the film… as told by the eccentric award-winning, one-eyed possibly maniacal director Saint James St. James (the St. stands for Street). He unfolds his film that… previously was too controversial and too thought-provoking for audiences, so the MPAA denied his distribution or ability for it to be shown in theatres back when it was made in 1990… but luckily, there’s still one surviving VHS tape of the sequel “Poolboy 2: Drowning Out the Fury” as the original was destroyed. Well, “exactly like the Matrix”, you don’t need to see the original to miss out on the story of the sequel… so the story goes. His film is about a Vietnam vet named Sal Bando (Sorbo) who after a traumatic experience, returns home to Los Angeles to find that Mexicans have taken over the pool-cleaning industry… and one has been banging his wife. Well, he doesn’t take kindly to it… and wants to clean up the streets (basically in the most racially insensitive way possible by killing all of the Mexicans in the neighborhood). The kingpin of the pool-cleaning and landscaping cartel (Trejo) finds out… and vows to end this “Poolboy” hero. However… Sal soon finds out… that it’s much DEEPER and more DANGEROUS than he could have possibly imagined. Gripping story, right? Well… it’s obviously a farce… kinda of a National Lampoon’s version of “First Blood” but… with a LOT more ethnic jokes. I highly recommend it as it’s an ode to the horrible cheesy action movies of the 80’s and early 90’s that we all love… but yeah, it’s not going to win any awards… good to see “Hercules”, “Machete” and Al from “Home Improvement” getting work… and I assume if it catches on that the Hispanic community will be up in arms… but until then, enjoy the hell out of it. I personally thought that the director Saint James St. James with his concise delivery & unfathomable ego… connecting with me on a personal level. Go check it out!

Wednesday night I watched another Netflix movie recommended to me by The Wingman called “American Mary” starring Katharine Isabella in the title role of Mary. The story is about a medical student who is going to school to become a surgeon… but while trying to get a new job to pay for it… and kinda stumbling into a somewhat seedy underworld of keeping “roughed-up” guys from not dying… and then into the lucrative world of body modifications… and then being drugged & raped by her professor, she drops the med school thing and basically goes rogue by getting revenge on her professor… and making a LOT of money in the bod mod game. Well, the cops get wind of her from another surgeon rapist (apparently they have big parties like that because they’re surgeons) and the walls are closing in. What’s she to do? They REALLY try to play the whole “girl next door who just wanted to be a surgeon but got swept up in this craziness” and… there was even some poor humor thrown in but… it’s really dark, there’s a lot of extended scenes of surgeries (think “Nip/Tuck” but for about a three-minute montage & more blood as opposed to the 15-second TV ones on that show), some fairly gruesome violent and/or sexual acts though a few things implied, WILD inconsistencies, a LOT of F-bombs given by the professor in class & everybody else in the show for… really no constructive reason other than questionable dialogue, the lead actress is very cute but… not the best actress in the world. I don’t know, I didn’t care for it really. I get that it’s an independent flick and the lines between good & evil are supposed to be blurry (except that all surgeons are serial killing rapists in lab coats apparently) and it wasn’t horrible… but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone really. Now for some news…

 

Speaking of Shit… - A critic of President Francois Hollande and France's ruling elite literally dumped tons of horse manure in front of the national parliament building in Paris on Thursday in a pungent protest against French politics. I like it. "Out with Hollande and the entire political class. Long live the Sixth Republic," read a message on the side of the man's articulated truck. France's present-day Fifth Republic was founded in 1958 with Charles de Gaulle its first president. “The Sixth Republic” is probably some independent French movie coming in the Spring with a lot of pretention & unkempt genital hair… or maybe that’s “The Sixth Re-pubic”. Anyway, the unnamed perpetrator was detained by police before he was able to shed all of his truckload of dung at the steps of the Bourbon Palace, the building that houses the lower house of parliament on the edge of the Seine river in downtown Paris, witnesses said. Authorities began a mass clear-up operation. Hollande, hit by magazine allegations of a love affair with an actress and battling to restore the fortunes of Europe's second-largest economy, has the lowest popularity ratings of any leader in modern-day France. Ah… remember the days when banging a superhot Fritalian model-actress like Carla Bruni while married to somebody else while elected to a public office was not only acceptable, but basically expected? Ah, but it’s no longer 2007 everybody, it’s 2014. What’s that? Oh, the rumor is that former French President Serkozy & Ms. Bruni met shortly after his divorce in 2007? Well, the important thing is that YOU believe that. Still, I like the leaving of horse sh*t on the steps of parliament. Good show, Froggie!

Farming with Urine – Yes, we’re keeping it high-brow on this blog apparently. The Rich Earth Institute (REI) in Battleboro, Vt., is investigating whether human urine can replace chemical fertilizers. We first learned of the technique over at Modern Farmer. The project, which has enlisted well over 100 volunteers to donate their urine, aims to determine if "essential plant nutrients" found in urine, such as nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium, will work as a kind of all-natural fertilizer. It's not as unusual as you might think. Modern Farmer explains that, "Across the Atlantic, studies have long established urine as a powerful fertilizer." The article goes on to cite a study done by the Stockholm Water Company. Via Modern Farmer:

A study conducted by the Stockholm Water Company in the late 1990s diverted urine from four housing projects to a grain farmer outside the city. The scientists concluded not only that urine could replace quick-acting mineral fertilizers, but also calculated that one Northern European adult pees enough plant nutrients to grow 50 to 100 percent of the food requirement for another person. Other successful trials have taken place in China and Mexico, though none as detailed as the Swedish one.

Regardless of the tone of that news clip sounding like a Northern European is peeing on somebody else’s food, I like the sound of those results. National Geographic spoke with researcher Debendra Shrestha of Tribhuvan University in Kathmandu, Nepal, who said that Nepalese farmers have been using human urine on crops for centuries. But does it work? According to National Geographic, it did for Shrestha. Ugh… okay? Well, if it works for… him? Her? Not sure what sex a Debendra is but it sounds feminine. After conducting an experiment that featured sweet peppers grown in soil with different combinations of urine, compost, and urea ― "the main nitrogen-containing chemical in human urine" ― the researchers found that plants grown in soil that "had a combination of human urine and compost grew the tallest, yielded the most peppers, and had the most total fruit weight per plant." That study's results were published in Scientia Horticulturae. Another study investigated the effect that urine and ash had on growing beets. The researchers found that "urine with or without ash can increase the yield of red beet and furthermore the microbial quality and chemical quality were similar to the situation in mineral-fertilized products." Yet another study that focused on tomatoes found similar results. Still, there are questions. As Modern Farmer notes, traces of pharmaceuticals that can show up in urine are also being studied by REI, with the help of two universities… which kinda makes sense, but yeah… I like the results of that. So… go out and pee on somebody’s garden… and if they give you any guff, simply reply with “You’re welcome!!!” Go Green everybody… and I guess Yellow!!!

Death By Wedgie - A 33-year-old Oklahoma man has been charged with killing his stepfather by giving him an "atomic wedgie," that caused the victim to suffocate on his own underwear. First, let that sink in for… just a moment. Okay, I’ll continue. Brad Lee Davis (not to be confused with Bradley Davis) was charged with murder in the death of 58-year-old Denver St. Clair in a drunken family fight at a residence just east of Oklahoma City, the Pottawatomie County Sheriff's Office said in an arrest affidavit obtained on Wednesday. Police arrested Davis on Tuesday. The affidavit said he "grabbed St. Clair's underwear and gave him an 'atomic wedgie.' Davis allegedly pulled the elastic waistband of St. Clair's underwear over his head and around his neck." Oklahoma Medical Examiner spokeswoman Amy Elliott said the cause of death was asphyxiation and blunt force trauma (ugh… wait, what was the 2nd one?). Pottawatomie County Sheriff Deputy Travis Palmer said Davis and St. Clair were drinking beer (my guess is a 24-pack of Coors?) on the night of December 21st at the older man's residence when St. Clair began speaking ill about his wife, who is Davis' mother. One should know that you don’t speak ill about another man’s mama… especially when you’re both drunken rednecks and he’s a quarter-century younger than you. Investigators said St. Clair's elastic waistband was stretched over his head and that it left ligature marks around his neck. Blood splatter was also found in the kitchen, the living room and on the living room ceiling. See? This is where the blunt force trauma thing comes in. Either the wedgie was applied… and then while strangled by his own underwear’s (apparently superstrong) elastic band, he was then bludgeoned by Mr. Davis… or because he was being strangled by his own elastic band, Mr. St. Clair overreacted to the situation… in a drunken stupor… and on the way to the kitchen to grab a knife or something to cut the band… slipped and banged his head on the linoleum (I’m just guessing marble was out of their price range) and boom… blunt force trauma. Will anyone ever really know what happened? Probably not… especially since the only witnesses are the accused & his mother… who apparently was spoken ill of by the departed. Anyway, Davis was being held in Pottawatomie County without bond. His lawyer was not immediately available for comment. Please drink responsibly… especially on that cheap sh*t.

Amsterdam Update – Here’s an interesting idea that’s being partially funded by the Dutch government. The BBC reports that alcoholics are, “being paid in beer to clean the streets of Amsterdam.” For five hours of work, those who have signed on to help clean up the streets get five cans of beer and receive €10 ($13.50). The program is run by De Regenboog Groep (The Rainbow Group), an organization that aims to help those with, “…social problems, the homeless, the poor, drug users and those with psychiatric problems. The organization provides shelter, relief and aid to people in the margins of society.” They see their litter program as, as the BBC put it, a more pragmatic approach. Janet van de Noord, who runs the program, told the BBC, "It's quite difficult to get these people off the alcohol completely. We have tried everything else. Now this is the only thing that works. We might not make them better, but we are giving them a better quality of life and it's better for the neighborhood, they're giving something back to society." There has been already been a noticeable difference in Oosterpark, a large park in Amsterdam in which many alcoholics have resided. The BBC writes that since The Rainbow Group started their efforts, there have been fewer reports of violent crimes and the park is largely litter free. Rene, a 52-year-old man, is one of 20 alcoholics who are participating. He freely admits that the draw is the free beer and doesn’t seem to be close to sobering up, yet he is happy that he is contributing to society. He told the British news station, “They used to treat us like garbage - and now we are picking up their garbage, we are not the garbage anymore.” I personally really like this idea. I’m sure human rights & addiction groups will have their problems with it as it’s not really a solution to the big problem… but at least it’s a solution. When the alternative is them begging for change or committing violent acts to get their beer, then I prefer the idea of giving them a six-pack (or I guess five-pack? Do they take one for themselves?) and a couple Euros for half a day’s work.



Hmm… I wonder if we could get Budweiser to sponsor a program like this here in San Francisco. God knows we have the homeless… damn temperate weather & apparently non-violent working class. I mean… let’s face it, in Los Angeles the cops can beat a homeless man to death on video and be quickly acquitted & almost completely slide under the national radar (as long as the homeless man is of Caucasian descent, but that’s another thing) so it’s either work programs like this into the system… or we have to have SFPD start cracking some heads. Hmm… speaking of crack… if the Budweiser sponsorship doesn’t work out… maybe crack will be the cheap alternative. Damn… I’ve got some great ideas. I should run for office.

Reporter: “Mayor Love, your ‘Filling In the Cracks’ clean-up campaign has caused a lot of controversy. While the results are unquestionable in San Francisco being voted yet again as the Greenest Big City in America, some would question your methods in that you’re using the addictions of others, namely the homeless, to your benefit. What is your response to that?”

Mayor Love: “It’s not MY benefit… it’s OUR benefit, as a community. You see… until we find a solution to the addictions that these people are afflicted with… or they find the ability in themselves to overcome these problems, then I personally like the opportunity to give them a helping hand… and the city is safer because of it.”

Reporter: “Don’t you think that’s more of a direct result of your ‘Crack Down on Crime’ campaign where individuals found selling crack-cocaine outside of a designated work-release center are bludgeoned by the fire department?”

Mayor Love: “Crime is down. Our firefighters are fit & active. Heck, no major fires in the past six months. I can’t take all the credit, it’s mostly today’s technology but… ah heck, you’re welcome everybody!”

Reporter: “And there’s still the controversy concerning the shutdown of one lane on the Golden Gate Bridge… and the email trail between you & one of your top advisors that clearly implicates…”

Mayor Love: “As I’ve told you before… if the unions would’ve headed my warnings about bullsh*tting a bullsh*tter, then it wouldn’t have been an issue. They didn’t play ball… so take it up with them. On another note… HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE? There’s ALWAYS lanes closed… for absolutely no reason… at all. We have an entire multi-billion dollar two-mile stretch of bridge… sitting about 50 yards parallel to a new multi-billion two-mile stretch of bridge… that goes to THE EXACT SAME F**KING SPOT! Fun fact… we’re not using one of those stretches… six lanes each way… and traffic is ridiculous… why? Because we have millions of people in dozens of square miles. You think people move through tubes like they’re in Futurama? Does anybody have any real questions? By the way, is everybody enjoying their beverages? That’s a bourbon barrel porter that I made partnering up with Anchor Steam… it hits shelves on the new city holiday, Love Day, April 26th. THAT should be your lead story. Peace, I’m out…” Drops the mic & walks away…



Yup… Tom Ford & Chris Christie ain’t got sh*t on me. Have a great day everybody!!!

Thanks Be Unto You

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Well, it’s the time of year when we should all be grateful for many, many, many, many things. Here are a few things that top my list:

 

·     My Family – I spent Thanksgiving with basically my new family… and in two weeks’ time I’ll be in Utah with the rest of them for Christmas

 

·     My Friends – I’m glad that I’m apparently able to surround myself with good people wherever I go

 

·     My Lady – She’s amazing… can’t really say enough about her

 

·     My Health – This one has really hit home recently when a few friends & coworkers have been dealt some seriously life-changing blows… and I wish them all a speedy recovery & send them my warmest wishes

 

·     My Mind – Like my health, I’d better enjoy it while I can… family history is less than promising

 

·     My Country – “America… f**k yeah!” Say what you want about the state of absolute decay that it’s going into because of ridiculous leadership on just about all levels… but it’s still better than where over 90% of the rest of the world’s population lives

 

·     Beer – “The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems”

 

Now that we’ve got those major things out of the way… let’s check out the news…

 

The Mad Tipper - Before Aaron Collins died, he gave his brother, Seth, a mission: Eat, be merry and leave a giant tip. On Wednesday night, Seth Collins of Lexington, Kentucky, did just that, leaving a $500 tip for a Friendly's waitress in Springfield, Vermont. It's part of a nationwide tour that Collins is carrying out in the name of his brother, who died in July 2012 at the age of 30. In a story provided by the Eagle Times of Claremont, the Friendly's waitress, Julie Bombria, said she thought she was going to faint after getting the generous tip. "This is the nicest thing anyone has done," she said. In his will, Aaron Collins asked his family to give his money to people in need. His cause of death is still unknown, according to the newspaper. Through his family, he's given away 81 tips throughout the Midwest, Pacific and Mountain West regions and is now in New England. Initially, Seth Collins took family and friends to dinner at a Lexington restaurant, gave their server $500 and recorded it. Aaron's wish was fulfilled but far from over. Seth Collins put a video of his first tipping spree on Facebook and started getting donations from around the world. The total's up to $50,000. "(Aaron) thought it would be a one-shot deal," Collins said. "I was going to do this like three or four times, but people were so compelled that they kept giving money. I'm going to give it back on behalf of my brother." He is on his way to Maine, then he will work his way down through New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and the Mid-Atlantic. "Being on the other side of the table and giving away $500 tips is very rewarding," Collins said. So if you’re on the East Coast, keep your eyes out for Seth. Man, it would be nice to give money like that willy-nilly. It’s a good story about helping others in need… that are really in need…

 

Not just, for example, a heavy-set man standing in a BART station saying, “Five bucks… five bucks… five bucks… lots of people in need… five bucks… five bucks…” I indulged this gentleman (dressed in a suit of course):

 

$teve: “What are you selling?”

Man: “Wha’?”

$teve: “What are you selling for five bucks?”

Man: “Nah man, I’m hungry… and cold. I need five bucks.”

$teve: “Really? Not even messing around with change anymore? Going straight for five bucks?”

Man: “Everything expensive…”

$teve: “Oh I KNOW! Believe me, I KNOW! Well, good luck with that…”

Man: (under his breath) “F**k you!”

$teve: “Happy holidays to you too!”

 

Yes, I know I sound like an asshole… but seriously? Granted there are a LOT of homeless people here in the City… but as I get older, my feelings toward them goes from pity & a longing to help them… to actually having met a few… and that just led to bitter resentment. Some are drunken, belligerent asshats… some are drug addicts… some are mentally unstable… some are honestly just f**king lazy… some are just preying on human emotions to support them… some of them it’s their f**king “job” & they go home to houses better than where I live. True story. Anyway, that’s basically why this next story REALLY irks my gurken…

 

Christmaspocracy - 11-year-old entrepreneur Madison Root was selling bags of hand-picked mistletoe in Oregon’s Portland Saturday Market to help pay for her braces… but was told to stop because she was violating a city code. The young salesperson told KATU 2 news, "I wouldn't think that I'd have any problems because people are asking for money, people are selling stuff, this is a public place." But the private security guard for the Portland Saturday Market said she was violating Chapter 20.12.020, which makes sales without permits illegal. Madison’s father, Ashton Root (I'm assuming either her mother or brother is named Dakota by the way), was with her at the market and told The Oregonian that the guard said she couldn’t even give away the mistletoe and ask for donations… but begging for money would be okay. (LOOPHOLE FOUND! Beg for money… then throw mistletoe at them & call them “Obama’s c**ksucker!” It’s perfectly legal here!) Mark Ross, Portland Parks Bureau spokesperson, explained that begging is a protected form of free speech. "We totally understand the rule…But here she was selling mistletoe and all around her were people playing music for money, or asking for money for pot, or just spare change. We’re allowing people to beg, but not to sell; it seems like there should be some sort of exception,” Ashton said. Madison agreed, “I don't want to beg! I would rather work for something than beg." From a f**king 11 year old... AMERICA!!! After KATU’s original story spread, Madison’s business took off. In just two days orders streamed in, some for 20 or 30 bags of the mistletoe at a time. A fellow entrepreneur, McKenzie Cook, also took notice of Madison’s plight telling the station, "I saw Madison's story on KATU and I was so moved." So moved that McKenzie offered Madison $1000… for one night. Wait, no… sorry, just to help pay for the braces I think. The fellow Oregonian started his business McKenzie Farms, the second largest Christmas tree farm in the country, with no trees and felt, "This girl is what America is all about." Madison launched her own website which is taking donations for her braces fund and her “special cause of supporting the entrepreneurial spirit for kids of all ages.” Thanks to the mistletoe sales and McKenzie Cook’s contribution, Madison recently got her top row of braces. As her business takes off the pre-teen has been making media appearances and is planning an event on December 14th by the Saturday Market called, “Kiss Off Portland.” AMERICA!!! At the event the young entrepreneur will be speaking about making a difference in the city laws. The effort that began to fund her braces became a lesson in civics and Madison has developed her own platform saying, "People should be able to work for money. People should be able to try hard to make a living.” Needless to say, I agree.

 

I feel like I shouldn’t have to elaborate on this… because if you don’t understand the core concept, then there’s probably no way that I’m going to turn you. Mental illness & the physical inability to do something is one reason… but just giving up, not even trying & expecting the world to take care of you… that’s something that I just can’t stand. I’ve had a job since I was 15… and went to school for many years. Granted I had a great family to help set the foundation… but it wasn’t easy. I feel like I’m better for it obviously… and maybe it’s just me… but I see a lot of “kids” nowadays and how entitled they think they are… and it just makes me fearful for the future. Learn a trade… or two… or three. Give more than you’ll get this holiday season… and to people who deserve it… not just because they’re related. Also, don’t just give them sh*t. Give them something that they’d actually use or would be helpful to them. If they roll their eyes or give you guff that they wanted some piece of sh*t, take it back & give them the back of your hand. Okay… maybe not that extreme… but inform them that you care for them & this is a gift because of that… and if they don’t like that, THEN you ask them “What did the five fingers say to the face?” SLAP!!! Whatever… rant over.

 

On that note, I just wanted to wish everybody a HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Hopefully you find this blog a little helpful… as it’s wrapped with Love & sprinkled with bacon on at least a weekly basis. Have a great day everybody!!!

Daily Fuggle Redactions

d Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

How about some more news? Since I don’t have a lot of exciting stuff going on in my world just this moment...

 

My Kind of Coach - It may be the Preseason WNIT semifinals, but the first round is on Louisville coach Jeff Walz, who said he will buy the first 2,500 beers for of-age fans who attend the No. 5 Cardinals' game against No. 14 LSU on Thursday night. Walz's bar tab will come to $5,000. Assistant sports information director Kim Pemberton told ESPN.com on Wednesday that the promotion will take place and that Walz is paying for the beer with his own money. Fans with proper ID will get a voucher for one beer, which they can get at concession stands. "I tried that once in college, but I only got up to about 400 [people]," Walz joked to the Louisville Courier-Journal. "But no, no, no, I've never done that." The Cardinals' basketball facility -- the KFC Yum! Center -- is off campus, and beer is normally sold there for all games. The school said there are no NCAA compliance issues. "We're just trying to have a little bit of a good time here at the ballgame," Walz told the Courier-Journal. "Make sure you have a designated driver if you want to come and have a few of them. It's a little way to say thanks to all our adults who come and support us, and we're just trying to get some of our fans who haven't come out to come on out one time and get a drink and enjoy the ballgame and hopefully grab the attention of a few more fans." Amy Morgan, Louisville's assistant athletic director for marketing, told the paper that the promotion was Walz's idea. "It shows his commitment to the program and his desire to grow the program and expose as many fans as possible to their play on the court," she said. Two things. First, great idea coach! Were I within a thousand miles of Kentucky, I’d definitely consider coming to see the game. Secondly, wait… is that $2 per beer? Have I really been in San Francisco that long where that sounds like an absolutely STEAL??? Here, if you find $5 beer, you’ve basically found your bastion for nights out on the town… but then again, I’ve become a bit of a beer snob. Still though… like PBR is $3 happy hour specials and stuff like that. Hence… why I’m starting to make my own… and then perhaps sell some down the road once I have an established business… but yeah… great promotion coach! I hope it works out for you & the Lady Cardinals!

 

Toronto Mayor - Toronto's embattled mayor, Rob Ford, insisted on Wednesday he has zero tolerance for drugs and gangs, but also admitted he has bought illegal drugs in the past two years. Let that sink in for a moment. Speaking at a City Council meeting during which members almost unanimously urged him to take a break from his job, Ford said he cannot change his past actions, which include acknowledged use of crack cocaine. But he asserted his intention to continue to work as mayor so he can carry out his promise to save money for Toronto taxpayers. Asked if he had bought illegal drugs in the past two years, he replied somberly: "Yes, I have." Ford, elected in 2010 on a promise to end the City Hall "gravy train", admitted last week that he had smoked crack cocaine in "one of my drunken stupors". Wednesday's call for him to step aside came in council's first meeting since that admission. "Our city's reputation has been damaged and continues to suffer," City Councillor Jaye Robinson read from a non binding petition signed by 30 of the city's 44 councilors, and passed by a vote of 41 to two. "Together we stand to ask you to step aside and take a leave of absence to address your challenges privately outside of the public eye." Right, like that’ll happen now. Councilors will vote later on a separate motion that asks Ford both to take a leave of absence and to apologize for "misleading" Toronto residents… by telling the truth? Council has no power to force the mayor to step down or take a break unless he is convicted of a crime, and Ford insists he has no plans to go, or to seek treatment. "I am not an addict of any sort, so I am not quite sure why you are saying that I need help," he told councilors during an hour-long grilling that centered on his fitness to remain the city's chief magistrate… by the way, at the taxpayer’s expense since we (the royal hypothetical we of Canada) are paying taxes. "I can understand how people would perceive my behavior. The reason I drank or did drugs was not because of stress, it was out of sheer stupidity. That's all it was." As the questions continued, hundreds of protesters gathered outside City Hall, many of them calling on Ford to step down… while millions continued with their daily lives. An Ipsos-Reid poll conducted for several TV and radio stations showed that 76% of Toronto voters think Ford should step down or take a leave of absence, while only 24% agreed with Ford's insistence on staying in his job… but these are among people who didn’t insist they were on a no-call list & to never call them with surveys.  The scandal of the crack-smoking mayor broke six months ago, when the Toronto Star newspaper and media blog Gawker said they had been shown a video of the mayor smoking crack, an allegation that Ford spent six months denying. Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair has since confirmed the video exists, and Ford admitted earlier this month that he had indeed smoked crack. The events brought back memories of the scandal that enveloped former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry after he was filmed smoking crack in 1990 (and reelected a few years later, ‘MERICA!!!). Ford's admission has made him the target of late night-talk show jokes and put the international media interest on Toronto, including extensive coverage of Wednesday's City Hall debate on U.S. networks. Asked on Wednesday if more embarrassing revelations could come, Ford said: "As far as I know... you don't know if people are videoing this or doing that. I don't know what's out there right now. But everything that I'm aware of is out there." Last week, the Star bought a separate video that showed Ford in an expletive-laden rant, making threats to unspecified persons and pounding his hands together. Ford apologized and admitted he was "extremely inebriated". But more information is likely. A Superior Court judge on Wednesday ordered the release of more details from a police investigation that resulted in drug-trafficking and extortion charges against Ford's friend and part-time driver Sandro Lisi. A heavily redacted 474-page file was released two weeks ago and showed police had had the mayor under close surveillance for months, and had recorded numerous meetings with Lisi in parks and other venues. The judge ruled on Wednesday that some of the redacted portions be revealed. Ford said on Wednesday that his lawyer had advised him not to cooperate with police investigations. So… yeah, Toronto’s mayor may be in a bit of hot water… but whatever. The real question is… Is he doing his job? Or rather, was he doing his job well before all this came out & he spent 90% of his day answering reporter’s f**king questions & the other 10% eating ham & smoking crack? What are the results? Do we ever really hold our public officials responsible for their results? If you just spent your entire time at work going around & shaking hands & kissing babies when you were supposed to be helping the economy, infrastructure, schools, etc… wouldn’t you be fired? Yes… maybe if you were smoking crack on the job, that’s usually pretty quick case for HR… but if that’s it, then kick him out… and any other official whose doing this stuff. If not, or there’s no protocol for it, then shut the f**k up & let him do his job. He obviously has work to do in helping run the capital of Canada. “Ey hoser, the capital of Canada is Ottawa, eh!” And the capital of California is Sacramento but who gives a flying f**k??? My point still stands.

 

Navajo Bronze? Burnt Injun? – Two of my favorite things to talk about in this one… Marketing Strategies… and alleged racism. Club Sun Color Studios, a tanning salon based in Alabama raised controversy by posting an ad on its Facebook page promoting a Thanksgiving tanning special they were running. As reported by WPMI Local 15, the ad many find offensive shows a brunette woman dressed in a Native American costume next to a blonde woman with lighter skin dressed in a pilgrim costume. It reads: “The Indians brought more than just ‘corn’ to the first Thanksgiving…they brought Sexy ‘Color!’”

Club Sun Color Studios' controversial Facebook ad

 

I’m not exactly sure why the word ‘corn’ is in quotes, but Club Sun representatives stated that they did not mean to offend the public with their sunless spray tan advertisement. David Arnett, Marketing Director of Club Sun apologized for the ad and said, “I myself am Native American, and I am very proud of my heritage and skin tone. The thought process behind the ad was simply a play on my own ‘sexy color.' Again, I apologize for any offense and misunderstanding." Wait, David Arnett? I’m going to have to Google whether he’s really Native American or not. If so… Alabama? Tanning Salon? Really? Anyway, the ad is now gone from the Club Sun Color Studios Facebook page (yet all over the internet somehow… hmmm… maybe he really is a marketing director). WPMI asked Mobile, Alabama resident Ebony Monigan what she thought about controversy and she said, "Whether he's a Native American, the words still offend people." The station also spoke to Club Sun’s Vice President of Sales, Larry Andrews who said that the message was simply on an “Innocent in-house flyer,” adding, "I think this day and time people look for something to complain about and something to, to stir, stir the pot. I mean, if they would look for more positive things in life we'd have a much better Thanksgiving and holiday season." Despite that statement, Club Sun representatives said that they would be cautious about future ads. Probably a good plan… then again, it’s making the rounds on the website… and I guess they have a point, no matter how offensive it may be… a little melanin tends to give a sexy tone.

 

HOW Is This Surprising? - A two-year-old girl has been severely burned in suburban Atlanta in a freak accident after gasoline poured on an outdoor slide to make it slicker ignited from static electricity, police said on Tuesday. The toddler and her four-year-old sister were playing on a swing set on Saturday when the gasoline was put on the slide (WHAT?), said Keith Brooks, chief deputy of the Walton County Sheriff's Office. Investigators do not know which of the two siblings poured the gasoline (Wait, WHAT??? A 2 year old or a 4 year old poured the gasoline???) but determined, after finding no other ignition source, that static electricity sparked the blaze, Brooks said. "This was a freak accident. It's definitely strange that something like this would happen." ARE YOU F**KING INSANE??? It’s strange… that gasoline would ignite? HOW??? The two-year-old was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Atlanta and put into a medically induced coma to help her cope with the pain from her critical injuries, Brook said. Grady Health System, the hospital where she was taken, declined to comment on her condition on Tuesday. No charges are expected to be filed, the chief deputy said. Sigh… it’s tragic… it’s certainly tragic but… is this a thing? Does this happen at kids parks all over America & I just don’t know about it? “Well $teve, a gallon of gasoline only costs about $4 & it decreases viscosity on the slide so that you can go quicker… like a water slide.” Doesn’t water cost like… five cents a gallon? “Well yeah but… gasoline is much more slickerier… and water evaporates too quickly here in Georgia.” Uh-huh… so because water evaporates faster… and don’t get it twisted, gasoline evaporates too… and it’s vapor is highly explosive… but because water evaporates, you pour highly flammable gasoline on a children’s plaything so that they can slide down at a faster velocity? “Yes’r.” Okay, well… I guess if an adult is handling the gasoline then it’s… “Oh no s’r… the kids tend to handle that all by themselves.” (stunned silence) “I said the kids tend to…” I F**KING HEARD YA!!! Not sure what to say about this story other than to pose a question. We’re smart, right? Human beings? We’re capable of incredible things, right? Highly intelligent & all that? Just checkin’…

 

Batman Update - A Singaporean man with an unusual superhero-like name turned out to be a villain who consumed drugs and stole from his brother. Batman bin Suparman, which means Batman son of Suparman in the Malay language, was jailed on Monday for two years and nine months for various offences including stealing his brother's automated teller machine card to make withdrawals, media reported. The 23-year-old unemployed man had also broken into the office of a firm in western Singapore to steal money and taken heroin. Batman, who has his own fan club on Facebook, became a social media sensation after an image of his identity card with his unusual name was circulated online. You’ve all seen it. Keep your eyes out for a Tosh.0 Web Redemption down the road… I’m guessing at Six Flags over Singapore or something with the DC Comic characters involved in an intervention. It could happen. Stay away from heroin kids… it can even turn Batman and/or Superman into a pitiful being turnin’ tricks to get their next fix. Hmm… I think I just had an idea for an interesting spin-off… The Dark Knight Sniffs starring a coked-out Bruce Wayne. Patent pending.

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight. Have a great day everybody!!!

Homebrewing Empire - Epilogue & Chapter 1

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Welcome... to the first chapter in the great adventure of Homebrewing. In looking into the whole homebrewing thing over the past few weeks/months, I've found that a LOT of people have bought the kits... The Wingman, Dizzy's Aunts, former roommates, their friends, coworkers, etc. but out of the, let's say, a dozen people... only one or two have actually taken out the kit & tried to use it once... and maybe a quarter of those have used it more than three times... and apparently it seems that just about anybody who makes it to a dozen batches either works for a homebrewing kit company or has a microbrew in the hipster part of a town near you. Well... ladies & gentlemen... Dizzy & I have officially started... and here are the results from Day One!!!

First off though, I'd like to give you a brief history of Beer. No... not the whole "How Beer Saved The World" thing from the History Channel where cavemen accidentally discovered it by leaving their food in the rain, then it led to math, writing, civilization, poetry, pyramids, medicine, time travel & teleportation or whatever... but basically... a History of Beer in the World of $teve...

My first experience with beer was at the age of three (hold off on those calls to Child Protective Services just yet, besides, I'm sure there's a statute of limitations). The weird thing is that I remember this honestly... but when I was a wee lad of three, I was watching TV with my dad, sitting on his lap or by his side... and I noticed this shiny can that he was drinking from... so I sounded it out. "C-oo-rs... Coors!" "Yup, good job..." and he took a sip with foam glistening off his moustache. "I wanna try."

Now, this is the scene on the "Brady Bunch" or a PSA where a father would've sat me on his knee & told me the dangers of alcohol on my mind, body & soul (for religious types) but... my dad was pretty smart... and he knew that I was pretty smart, even at three... and I would've turned his argument against him as I had seen done in the past (it was his own damn fault being around during the day to raise his child to teach him valuable traits like that). So what did he do? He gave me a little bit of a look, checked the kitchen to make sure that my mom wasn't nearby while she was running some water, "Sure, have a sip." WHAT? REALLY? AWESOME!!! Shiny can of daddy's juice... so I took a sip, let it settle on my tongue for a moment... and then did a total spit take-half purge of that golden ale from Golden, Colorado all over my father's face & t-shirt. Had he been wearing his Aviator sunglasses, it probably wouldn't have been that bad. "UGH!!! YUCKY!!!" What was the result? I honestly didn't touch a beer for the next 15 years. No need to thank me on the parenting tip... just pay it forward.


My next experience with beer came when I was 18 years old (again, I think there's a statute of limitations where if you didn't catch me back when I was doing it, you can't do it now). All through high school, I didn't touch the stuff... or any booze for that matter. Oddly enough, I was also an honor student, amazing athlete & a virgin working for minimum wage just to get enough gas money to drive to school. Now though, I was going to college... and I had to build up a bit of immunity to alcohol so that I could get chicks drunk & trick them into having sex with me. Let's face it, the sweet, talented, intelligent, ginormous guy with an above average crank angle wasn't working... and my balls were cobalt by this time.

My friends drank profusely... they had older brothers who provided... and let's face it, getting booze as a teenager is pretty easy, especially in cow country Utah. Nowadays it may be dominated by meth... but back then it was a different kind of hell... Natural Light, Old Milwaukee, Keystone, MGD and if you wanted to splurge that extra buck, Pabst Blue Ribbon. I couldn't stand that sh*t when I finally gave into peer pressure... and then one day, a few months later, I essentially drank a bottle of tequila, a half bottle of Apple Pucker and chased it with a pack of Budweiser... and apparently this all happened in a little over an hour's time. This is what my friends tell me as... I was obviously an inexperienced drinker... and apparently they were horrible friends when it came to things like "You probably shouldn't drink shot of tequila out of a highball glass" and little tips like that. I damn near died of alcohol poisoning, it was labor day weekend, four days of trying to not die... and then I tried out for walk-ons at the University of Utah. "Whew... who smells like f**king tequila?" That was me... best part was... I was on the practice squad. Imagine if I had actually eaten a meal the four days leading up to it. Anyway, Jose Cuervo was not my friend after that day... nor anything that reminded me of him.

Basically after that, I took a break from drinking... and then there was a slow progression back into the good graces with alcohol. I traveled the world, many trips to Vegas, learned more about the process, found out about things beyond the world of Utah where drinking is a sin, even if it's only watered-down carbonated piss that they allowed into the state before the 2002 Winter Olympics. Then for the past few years, after living in places like Denver (microbrews EVERYWHERE), Truckee (only thing to do is drink... and Fifty Fifty Brewery was a stone's throw away) and here in San Francisco (international city & Wine Country adjacent) I've learned quite a bit... and it's intrigued me to no end. So now... I thought I'd try taking some of the things into my own hands... and see what I can do with it. So there you go... the backstory... the epilogue if you will... and now...

Chapter One - Irish Red Ale (September 7th, 2013)

I purchase a deluxe starter kit from Northern Brewing & a few books about Homebrewing (basically the first three that pop up on Amazon) a week or so back... and they arrived. With the kit came a starter brew pack of Irish Red Ale... and as a promotion, we also got a free batch of Pumpkin Ale that will be discussed in Chapter Two I'm sure. After making sure that we had all of the parts (no funnel in this pack but they've been notified & we're resourceful) and watched the instructional DVD... and I'm about five chapters into one of the books already... we started by cooking up the wort...

Wooden spoon in one hand...

Thermometer in the other...

there'd better be a lot of booze involved...

Smellovision: It smelled like brownies...

Adding some hops to our grain & barley mash...

Professionals use electrical tape...

and fine furniture crafted in Thailand

Dizzy's angelic glow is purely natural...

We then cool the near-boiling wort as quickly as possible...

Since thinking about baseball doesn't work...

We used a sink full of ice

Damn!!! That's a fine looking beer...

After it's cooled to the proper temperature,

we siphon it into the first fermenter...

Then... you shake the jugs to aerate the wort...

Attention Gentlemen:

This is an alternative method if you don't have jugs...

Then, you add the yeast to the thoroughly aerated mixture...

and then you let it sit in a cool, dark place...

and it damn sure doesn't get cooler nor darker...

than in my entertainment room next to my DVDs

In about two weeks, we'll have another update on this adventure... but for now, SCIENCE!!! The yeast is transforming the sugars to produce alcohol and all the other things are being transfigured so that their flavors come out. That's obviously a REALLY simple explanation... but the results are what count.

The fermentation process will take about two weeks... then for this batch, we do a second fermentation for another two weeks or so... and then we can bottle the brew... and it'll be another two weeks while it finalized. That's right, six weeks for a batch of roughly five gallons... or about four dozen 12-ounce bottles worth of Irish Red Ale. Perhaps that's why most people think it's a good idea & don't even really start with homebrewing? Don't worry though, once one stage of the process is down, we'll have the next batch taking it's place... so eventually it'll really be more like 2-3 weeks between batches... so not only will I be thoroughly satiated with booze that I could drink... but friends & family, and even spectators of football at my home... and perhaps an eventual Bacon Day.

Details will be forthcoming once the roommate situation is stabilized & I make sure that I'm not poisoning anybody (especially myself) with skunky beer... but yeah, look forward to it. Oh... and by the way, FOOTBALL!!! See you next time here on Homebrewing Empire!!!