Male Model for Hire

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Halloween has come & gone… and though it’s not one of my favorite holidays (Christmas, my birthday, Super Bowl, Bacon Day, Thanksgiving, Mardi Gras, 4^th of July, Oktoberfest, Pioneer Day, St Patrick’s Day, & Zombie Jesus Day just beats it out because of deviled eggs), it’s definitely a lot of fun to see people being creative & clever and just having a great time. This year, being on a Thursday, of course the day started with work… but was immediately followed by a Halloween Photo Shoot. See, Dizzy needed pictures of a model in a suit for a school project… and since she’s banging one of the most handsome men in all of Christendom who also happens to wear a suit to work every day, she booked some time at the studio for an impromptu photo shoot after work. She said that she was going for secret agent shots…

 

Vincent Vega... eat your heart out...

Bond... $teve Bond...

John Woo Dive... doves photoshopped later...

A move that I like to call... The Scully...

"One in the chamber..."

But then she showed me the closet of fun accessories… and it kinda went from there…

 

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN, YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!!!"

After the shoot, we headed to a little block party near my house to hang with some of the neighbors but it was mostly kids being kids… so shortly after we grabbed some Domino’s Pizza and watching horror flicks. You know… what you’re supposed to do on Halloween when you’re not begging for candy like a bum under the threat of egging somebody’s house if they don’t ante up with some treat that’ll induce juvenile diabetes… you know, when you reach that certain age where it’s no longer cute, I guess.

 

First up was “VHS-2” which is the sequel to the surprisingly good straight-to-DVD movie “VHS” (yet never released on VHS oddly enough). This movie was a similar format to the first, where instead of burglars stumbling upon somebody’s stash of freaky supernatural VHS tapes (though all seem to be set in present-tense with iPhones, etc which I found to be an immediate tell because I’m the perceptive son of a cop), this time around… it’s private investigators who are trying to find an adult son who’s apparently gone off the grid for… I don’t know… ten minutes, so they break into his apartment looking for clues… and find a stash of freaky supernatural VHS tapes. Basically that premise sets up basically what constitutes a few horror movie concepts that don’t have enough to them really for a full-length feature… but good enough for a decent 20 minute episode (until Hollywood gets their hands on it & turns it into a two hour-plus big-budget flick). This sequel though didn’t quite have the same kind of appeal as the first… and seemed to just be a gorier & basically ridiculous follow-up. Where I highly recommended the first one, this one will not be nearly as good… but there are a few parts that you’ll wonder more how they filmed it a certain way rather than any plot or horrible dialogue on the screen. Spoiler alert: In one story, a giant seven-foot, fully formed goat-headed demon baby (or son of Satan?) LITERALLY crawls right out of the womb of a woman who prior to walking into the compound was pregnant for… about six weeks. Went from completely not showing… to bearing a minotaur capable of knocking over an SUV in less than 10 minutes. Unless her womb opened a f**king dimension vortex capable of transporting a Kaiju across dimensions, then I hafta call bullspit right there.

  

Speaking of demon babies, we followed that up with the classic “Rosemary’s Baby” starring Mia Farrow and directed by the legendary (for things other than directing) Roman Polanski (“Chinatown”). A young couple (an actor and… I don’t know, waify hot chick?) move into a prestigious & historic apartment building in Manhattan… and then after meeting some of their neighbors & expecting their first child… they soon realize that there may something wrong with the neighbors… and their child… and the whole situation in general. Spoiler alert: SHE’S RAPED BY SATAN & BEARING HIS CHILD!!! Don’t be shocked… the movie’s been around for literally 45 years and if you haven’t seen it already then you were probably never going to.  That being said, it’s actually a very well-crafted movie for its day. It’s about 2:15 run time but apparently movie goers in the 60’s had more of an attention span than today… a movie back then was an event where you dressed up & enjoyed a movie-watching experience… today, “Bad Grandpa” is the number one grossing movie of the weekend & you can download and watch just about anything in your underwear. Yup, times have changed. The first two hours is basically a slow, slow build for the final few minutes… and then, well, you’ll just have to see for yourself… but builds a very eerie feeling that you’d expect from a more subliminal horror flick (thriller, not slasher). Two things that kind of irritated me though… were #1, the seemingly silly situations & borderline stupidity of the main character (CALL THE F**KING COPS!!! TALK TO A PRIEST! FREE CLINIC DOCTOR! BOTANIST! HORTICULTURALIST! HOT DOG VENDOR! EXORCIST! BAD GRANDPA! ANYBODY!) and #2 – Some of the suspense-building music seemed to be a cat getting slowly stretched by a paint shaker disguised as a violin… and kinda pulled me out of the moment. That being said, if you like non-gory thrillers, check this movie out. I enjoyed it… HAIL SATAN!!! (“HAIL SATAN!!!”)

 

Anyway, kind of short entry this time around… but next time will be another chapter in Homebrewing as we have a big weekend coming up with a tasting, bottling AND cooking… including a new kind of booze being produced. OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!! Happy Halloween everybody!!!