Friday, July 22, 2011

So Money I Don't Even Know It

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The past few days have been pretty chill. Played a little basketball at the gym, meeting a lot of people & starting to get my wind and some skills back. Really didn’t realize how average I became without constantly practicing like I did for half my life. Oh well, I’m sure it’s like riding a bike… and the height always helps to bail me out in some situations. “Oh man, you total caught me with a good pick. SWAT!!! Luckily I could recover with the go-go-gadget arms.” I don’t say that out loud obviously… because I’m not a prick. I was just painting a picture for you. Also met some cute ladies yesterday, sisters that we’ll call S&M (it’s their initials, get your mind out of the gutter), and they told me that they’d be cheering for me at my first rec game on Sunday. “Really? Wow, thanks!” “Well… our dad is on the team too… but we’ll be cheering for ya.” “Understood. Well it’s still appreciated.” If I was a little more certain of their ages… then again, I don’t want to be going out with the coach’s daughter or anything like that. Too reminiscent of the dream about bangin’ the coach’s wife… how do I remember this crazy stuff? Yet I forget little things all the time? Anyway, you heard it, first rec game in (sigh…) nearly a DECADE coming up on Sunday. Wish me luck!!!

I’m also starting to finalize travel plans for Tahoe next weekend, Utah in September, Vegas in November and then Utah again for Christmas. Tahoe is set & I’m going to be meeting up with my stepsister and her family, which is REALLY awesome. My niece apparently has missed me a bit… but she’ll grow out of it, I’m sure. Vegas is set, flights are bought, hotels are secured, Jackie D is on board of course, it’s going to be EPIC!!! The only snag is going to Utah in September for the family reunion. Boss Man denied my vacation over that time due to business need… but it actually may work out for the best… because my mama mentioned that she may be coming out the weekend of her birthday in August with the kids (and my brother) so I may just end up taking some time off to hang with them. Saves me a plane ticket & I still get to hang with the family, just not in the desert getting drunk with my hillbilly uncles, which is mildly disappointing but I’ll get over it.

On that note, I’m also trying to set up a doctor here in the area. The thing is… I don’t really care. Obviously I’m not in any dire medical need at this point in my life. I’ve had one physical in the past… seven years or so I think. I eat fairly well, work out, drink responsibly, check myself for lumps on my junk at least once a day (usually first thing in the morning & late at night), but I’m getting to that age where maybe I just need to keep an eye on things. You know… look for signs. Nothing so far… but I figure that I can at least establish a relationship with a physician here in San Francisco (since I plan on staying for a while) and then when it comes to those “awkward questions” then it won’t be so awkward. Besides, I don’t want to be one of the thousands of men each year that die from stubbornness by not getting regular check-ups… and then it’s too late. Since nobody else is going to check my junk for lumps, I figure this is the best route to take. Wish me luck!

Buying Sex & Crime - Men who pay for sex are more likely than men who do not pay for sex to commit a variety of offenses including violent crimes against women, according to research conducted in the Boston area. The study, released this week, was based on interviews with 202 men conducted by the nonprofit group Prostitution Research and Education (damn, how do I get on that research team?) and was led by Melissa Farley, a clinical psychologist and anti-prostitution activist (so no bias there?). Buyers and non-buyers of commercial sex from the Boston area were paired by age, education and ethnicity to compare their perceptions of women after voluntarily joining the study. About half the men paid for sex and the other half did not. Men who paid for sex were more likely to report having committed felonies and misdemeanors, including crimes related to violence against women and those related to substance abuse, assault and weapons, the study found. The study was designed, among other things, to test attitudes of men who buy sex. It found that as a group, they share certain attitudes and behavioral tendencies different from their non-buying peers (ugh… like the willingness to exchange money for sexual favors?). Almost three in four of the sex buyers reported they learned about sex from pornography, whereas only 54% of the non-buyers did so. The two groups also held significantly different attitudes regarding whether prostitution was consenting sex or exploitation. Men who bought sex were significantly less empathetic toward women working as prostitutes (DUH!!!). Two thirds of both groups concluded most women prostitutes had been lured, tricked or trafficked into the work. But sex buyers "seemed to justify their involvement in the sex industry by stating their belief ... that women in prostitution were intrinsically different from non-prostituting women," the study's authors said. The majority of both groups, 61% of sex buyers and 70% of non-buyers, currently had a wife or girlfriend. So… I’m not sure if this study really tells us anything. There was a tendency for buyers of sex to have more felonies on their record? No sh*t! Last I checked, prostitution was still illegal in the Boston area… and a felony. Also, they tend to have a different view of women. That’s kind of like saying alcoholics have a different view of vodka than clergymen… or pastry chefs have a different view of cakes from diabetics. I don’t know… I’m sure that there really is a correlation between willingness to break the law to acquire a sexual partner for a brief time and the willingness to break the law for any number of other reasons. I still want to know how I get the government grant money to conduct some of these studies though. Who do I have to know? Where do I have to go? I have theories (and stereotypes) that I just need to bring to the forefront of the scientific community.

GI Joe 2: Cobra Strikes – Like does anybody really want to see another GI Joe movie? Apparently somebody does. The first movie wasn’t total refuse by any means… but hey, just wait for the sequels now. Casting is underway though and "Rome," "Punisher: War Zone" and "Thor" actor Ray Stevenson has been cast as the villain Firefly in "G.I. Joe 2: Cobra Strikes" at Paramount Pictures says Heat Vision. Firefly is a member of the villainous Cobra Organization and is known as a saboteur, ninja master and explosives expert. Yes, a true jack of all trades. Stevenson will next be seen playing Porthos in Summit’s "The Three Musketeers". He joins a confirmed cast that includes Channing Tatum, Dwayne “THE ROCK” Johnson, Adrianne Palicki, Elodie Yung, the RZA (WU TANG!!!) and D.J. Cotrona. The Jon M. Chu-directed sequel begins shooting in Louisiana at the end of summer and hits cinemas August 2012… so keep your eyes out. Oh… and before I forget, Jon M Chu is the director who brought you “Step Up 2 Da Streets” & “Step Up 3D” so… yeah… you’ve been warned. Sadly I think another disaster may be heading towards Louisiana. Too soon? Eh, low expectations may lead to being pleasantly surprised. Too bad that my doppelganger Dennis Quaid hasn’t been asked to come back… but hey, too much eye candy may distract from the integrity of the project. I understand.

Captain Planet Movie – Yup, it’s exactly what you think it is. Cartoon Network has signed a development agreement with Angry Filmworks to develop a live-action feature film based on the environment-saving animated hero "Captain Planet and the Planeteers". The original series was about a group of young people (Planeteers) who combine their special powers (Earth, Wind, Fire, Water & Heart if I remember correctly) to summon Captain Planet, an environmental superhero, to battle the world's worst eco-villains. The show premiered in fall 1990 and ran for six seasons. Producers Don Murphy and Susan Montford now have exclusive rights to develop and package the property and advance it towards production. So what do you think? Will it be a G-rated straight-to-DVD movie? Probably… but it’s a good start to other similar properties being made. I’m not talking about… what I can only assume is a Superman backstory with a green skin pigmentation disorder (never really thought about Captain’s backstory before) but I’m talking about other captains throughout history (primarily the 80s & 90s when I was most impressionable) who have yet to get their movie deals. For example…

Cap’n Crunch – You all know and love the cereal that bears this man’s name… but do you know… the REAL Captain Cornelius M. Crunch of her Majesty’s Royal Navy? I think not. Yet it’s a story that must be told… a story of Love… Duty… Honor… and a Fortitude to stay steadfast, hardy, and dare I say crunchy… even in milk. The only problem is going to be working the early days as a proprietor of lady’s company in the early days and his notorious potty mouth into a PG-13 rating… but I can totally see Colin Firth makin’ the Cap’n happen.

Captain Nintendo – Does anybody else remember Captain N? I feel like it’s Conan & the Hanna-Barbarians cuz very few people remember it. Anyway, I remember it being about a gamer who had a special controller or something (back when it was four buttons – A, B, select, start) and he would put it on his belt buckle… and he could save the day using his gaming powers. You know… like getting Super Mario’s fireballs… or super jumping ability… and stuff like that. It could totally work… on acid.

Captain Power & the Soldiers of the Future – This is the granddaddy of them all. Allow me to paint a picture for you… using what I recall from the show’s introduction. Earth, 2147. The legacy of the Metal Wars, where man fought machines… and machines won. Bio-Dreads… monstrous creations that hunt down human survivors... and digitize them (aaaaah… that was somebody being digitized… but I digress). Volcania, center of the Bio-Dread Empire; stronghold and fortress of Lord Dread, feared ruler of this new order. But from the fires of the Metal Wars arose a new breed of warrior, born and trained to bring down Lord Dread and his Bio-Dread Empire. They were Soldiers of the Future!!! Mankind's last hope!!!

Their leader Captain Jonathan Power, master of the incredible Power Suits, which transform each soldier into a one-man attack force. Major Matthew 'Hawk' Masterson, fighter in the skies. Lieutenant Michael 'Tank' Ellis (played by my favorite bit actor of all time, Sven-Ole Thorsen), ground assault unit. Sergeant Robert 'Scout' Baker, espionage and communications… and Corporal Jennifer 'Pilot' Chase, tactical systems expert. Together they form the most powerful fighting force in Earth's history. Their creed? To protect all life. Their promise? To end Lord Dread's rule. Their name? (EXPLOSION!!!) Captain Power And The Soldiers Of The Future! TELL ME you wouldn’t rather see that then some namby pamby environmentalist show with some flying green guy… I rest my case. Oh, I know I’ve got skills AND passion when it to these kind of things… but nothing like this guy…

Tarantino Update – As usual… the more I hear about a Quentin Tarantino movie in the works… the more I get excited. Hard as steel and still getting harder!!! The latest update… Kevin Costner (“Dances with Wolves”) is in negotiations to join the cast of Quentin Tarantino's spaghetti western "Django Unchained" reports Deadline. Costner is in talks to play Ace Woody, the sadistic trainer of the male fighting slaves who entertain the white patrons of Candyland club and ranch, as well as the female slaves who are forced to be prostitutes. Ace pits the fighters against one another, and has little qualms about mistreating and even killing the slaves who don't measure up (still not as hated as Michael Vick though). Both Costner and Leonardo DiCaprio's role of Calvin Candie, owner of Candyland, are said to be as sadistic as Christoph Waltz's turn in "Inglorious Basterds". Waltz himself, along with Samuel L. Jackson, also star. Jamie Foxx will play the title character, a slave-turned-bounty hunter who must take on those villains to free his slave wife. Shooting kicks off in the early Fall. Oh God… I could cut glass with my nipples right now. DiCaprio & Costner as villains… and Jamie Foxx is coming to save the day… in the Old West… corsets… plus Christoph Waltz & Samuel L are going to be in it? Man, it’s going to be hard walking around with this nerd-rection for the next three years while they shoot this thing. Don’t act like you’re not impressed. What? There’s more???

Marilyn Update - A Spanish collector plans to auction what he claims is a newly discovered 8-mm version of a film purportedly showing Marilyn Monroe having sex when she was still an underage actress known as Norma Jean Baker (oh God, I think I’m going to pass out, blood has completely left my brain). A Marilyn Monroe expert, however, says the actress in the film is someone else, considerably heavier and less feminine than the legendary film star. Mmm… big boned Marilyn… giggidy!!! "That's not Marilyn. The chin is not the same, the lips are not the same, the teeth are not the same," said Scott Fortner, who has a sizeable collection of Monroe memorabilia, including a belt he said proves how much more petite she was. "Marilyn was a tiny little thing. And I know that for a fact. I own her clothing." Well, she may have lost a little weight once she became a movie star. That’s usually what happens... but the real question is… why are you trying to f**k this up for me? Collector Mikel Barsa said in an interview Wednesday that he wants at least $500,000 for the sexually explicit 6½-minute, grainy black-and-white film, which he says was made before 1947, when Monroe was not yet 21. He said it's an exact copy of a 16-mm film discovered more than a decade ago. Barsa brokered a sale of that film to a European magazine in 1997, which he said in turn sold some 600,000 copies before a collector bought the original 16-mm reel for $1.2 million (cha-ching!!!). Copies of that version are still circulating on the Internet. "People with romantic notions have denied that it's Marilyn Monroe, and have invented stories" to raise doubts about the film, Barsa said in his Buenos Aires office, which is lined with pictures from his days as a concert promoter. "This film shows the real Marilyn Monroe — it was only later that the studios discovered her and transformed her." The face of the woman in the film looks considerably different from the Monroe who emerged later as a star, but more similar to the Monroe seen in one of her first movies, 1949's "Love Happy," which shows the actress before she lost weight, added a beauty spot on her left cheek and became one of Hollywood's most enduring stars. Barsa said he has no idea how the two original copies ended up in the hands of the people who sought his help selling them, and he refused to identify any of the principals involved. He said that in the 1940s, sex films were often made using side-by-side 16-mm and 8-mm cameras, since audiences used both formats (you know, before the 60’s & 70’s revolutionized the smut game). The collector said that Mark Roesler of Indianapolis-based CMG Worldwide, which has managed the image and estate of Monroe, threatened to sue after the earlier version surfaced in 1997. Barsa said nothing ever came of it after the owners offered to sell the film to CMG (of course). Roesler didn't respond Wednesday to two emails and a phone call requesting comment. Barsa says he plans to auction the film himself August 7th at a memorabilia collectors fair that he has organized in Buenos Aires, and is hoping for publicity similar to the scandal he generated when he screened the 16-mm version at a similar fair in Madrid in 1997. News coverage of his auction is already creating another buzz on the Internet. His part of the deal is a 10% sales commission, he said. A variety of sexually explicit films and pictures have been attributed to Monroe over the years, fostering a long and unresolved debate. "In the Marilyn community, people have debated this for years and years and for the most part it's widely believed that this is not her," Fortner said. Still, even Fortner said Monroe's image changed considerably as she became a star — that she had some plastic surgery, learned how to hold her face differently in modeling school and adopted a mole on her left cheek. "I actually think it moved from time to time," Fortner said. Monroe died of an overdose of sleeping pills in 1962 at 36 years old… which oddly enough means she’d be in her mid-eighties if she were still alive. Think about that for a moment. Anyway, over sixty years after it was made, an alleged sex tape of Marilyn is out. It might be worth a gander… but hey, there’s money in smut. And celebrity hype of smut. It may be interesting to see how this works out… but hey, I’m already well on my way to another nerdgasm.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Tomorrow is a Blues & BBQ Festival in Redwood City, so I might go check that out… and then Sunday is Game Day. Hopefully I’ll do alright & I’m basically where I’m not looking to completely dominate the game… but rather just help out the team in any way that I can & not embarrass myself. I should be able to manage that. I’ll let you know the stats or something if I can keep track… but the final score is the important part. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

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