Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The End Shall Come With A Hiss

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'm in a pretty damn good mood right now. I hate to jinx it...but I just wanted to share it with you all...because I know I've been a little less perky than you're probably accustomed to being religious readers of my blog for the past two years or so. It's just been an odd little situation the past few months were I haven't really known what my future holds more than...a few days in advance...and it's somewhat unsettling. Plus you through in the Jerry Springer drama (minus the midgets) that is my brother's life...and living solo in my apartment...sometimes it just wears on me a bit. Luckily, I have a lot of great friends all over the nation that like to keep tabs on me via text & phone calls...and a wonderful family that I live within an hour's drive if I need to chill with someone...and my job is actually a lot of fun & a great place to grow...and then start over...and grow again. Who knows? Maybe I just need a good make out session & I'll be back on my peak game but in the meantime, I'm doing pretty damn good today. I even had my latest managerial training class and it was pretty awesome. It was about relationships & the way that others see you. Yeah, nothing major...but I may have a budding work relationship with one of the ladies in the class...but I don't wanna get my hopes up...and let's face it, I'm pretty good eye candy. Who wouldn't want to talk to me? Especially if I'm in a suit looking all GQ cover? Anyway, here's the news...

American Wife-Carrying - This honestly should be an Olympic sport by 2020 but I'll leave that up to the politicians at the IOC. A Maine couple has taken the crown in the North American Wife Carrying Championship over a course that featured a muddy water hole and two log obstacles. Dave and Lacey Castro of Lewiston came in first among 41 teams to win Saturday's competition at Sunday River ski resort in Newry. They covered the 278-yard course in 54.45 seconds. For their effort, besides being known as the greatest wife-carrier duo in North America, what else do they win? The couple won 97-pound Lacey Castro's weight in beer and five times her weight in cash or $485. How's that for a prize? Teams from 11 states competed in the 10th annual race in which a man has to carry a woman (or vice versa) over an obstacle course. As the North American champs, the Castros are eligible to compete in the world championships in Finland next July (and this year's were documented on my blog...because I think this is a great competition). Tell me that you wouldn't watch this. Okay, then imagine a Celebrity Wife-Carrying competition. You'd watch that wouldn't ya? Forget that whole dancing with the D-list or whatever, you want to see The Rock see if he can carry his wife through an obstacle course faster than Shawne Merriman can carry Tila Tequila (granted I know they're not married...but I'm just hoping that he drops her along the way. Anybody with me on that?) It'd work. If not on one of the real networks, I'm sure that somebody that works for Fox has been stealing my ideas for years. Make it happen. Today, the Friday night death slot on Fox. Tomorrow, Sweden vs. Estonia in the Olympic relay. Holy crap, that's an even better idea. Wives being passed like batons between burly Eastern Europeans...and maybe a Samoan underdog. This could revolutionize co-ed sports. Patent pending.

Ninja Update - Police in Vernon, Connecticut said they arrested a man who was dressed as a ninja and waving nunchucks while yelling about wanting to beat up U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman (we've all been there). The man, 30, was charged Sunday with breach of peace. Police said he was brought to Rockville General Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation and later released. Authorities said they received several emergency calls about the man, who witnesses say was standing at the corner of Route 83 and Regan Road at about 11 a.m. Officers said they pulled out bean bag and taser guns, and the man became polite and cooperative. The man couldn't be reached Monday. He has no public phone listing, and it's not clear whether he has a lawyer...or a master of some sort. Obviously nothing major about this story. It just mentioned ninjas and it's a little too early to be Halloween I shared. Ninja vanish!!! (Poof of smoke)

Apocalypse Update - Leave it to the United States government to be about a year behind in their research & still not really doing anything about it other than a general warning. According to recent reports, there are five species of foreign snakes just waiting to eat you. More troublingly, according to a U.S. Geological Survey report released Tuesday, nonnative snakes like the Burmese python could slither their way north from the warm, humid conditions of South Florida. The big snakes threaten native species and ecosystems because they mature and reproduce quickly, travel long distances and can eat almost anything in fur, feathers or scales, experts say. The 302-page report could be a step toward a ban on importing constrictor-like snakes into the U.S., said Ken Warren, spokesman for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service's South Florida office. The FWC will now evaluate the report and seek public comment before recommending such a ban. "In many aspects, the report confirms what we already knew: that these snakes are a problem and that they do pose some risk," Warren said. The report analyzed nine kinds of snakes. Five — Burmese pythons, northern and southern African pythons, boa constrictors and yellow anacondas — are of "high risk" to the ecosystems of the U.S., especially in Florida. That's right, I said ANACONDAS!!! Four others — the reticulated python, Deschauensee's anaconda, green anaconda and Beni anaconda — are considered medium risk to ecosystems. That's right, MORE ANACONDAS!!! Scientists are already studying where Burmese pythons can survive in the U.S. Seven are being studied in a natural enclosure in South Carolina to see if the tropical natives can live through colder winters. The number of invasive pythons in South Florida and throughout Everglades National Park has exploded in the past decade to potentially tens of thousands, though wildlife officials aren't sure exactly how many are out there. Scientists believe pet owners have freed their snakes into the wild once they became too big to keep. They also think some Burmese pythons may have escaped in 1992 from pet shops battered by Hurricane Andrew and have been reproducing ever since. Officials say the constrictors can produce up to 100 eggs at a time. Dr. Robert Reed, a research biologist with the U.S. geological survey, said everything from small wood storks, alligators and bobcats have been found in the stomachs of dead pythons. Reed said the native animals of Florida aren't used to living near super-predatory snakes, and in time, entire wildlife populations could be wiped out. "The fear is that something will happen akin to the situation with brown tree snakes on Guam. There, within 40 years of arrival, the snakes wiped out 10 of 12 bird species on island." Reed was quick to point out that these free-range snakes pose a "minuscule" threat to people. "All of the known fatalities involving giant snakes are from pet snakes, and usually to the owners," he said. In July, an 8-foot pet python strangled a toddler in Central Florida. Officials have tried to crack down on the invasive species; this summer, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission announced that the state would allow a few permitted snake experts to begin hunting, trapping and killing the nonnative pythons in an effort to eradicate them. Hunting the snakes is not allowed in Everglades National Park. Between January 1st and October 5th, some 270 Burmese pythons have been removed from the park. "It's just very difficult to eradicate them," said Linda Friar, a park spokeswoman. "The snakes are very difficult to locate." Ugh...and they survived what the dinosaurs couldn't. Thank you scientists. now that the government is telling us that there may be a problem...and not to this is usually the time that we need to panic. Now, it's been a while since I've read Revelations...but I'm pretty sure there there were earthquakes, tidal waves, chaos...and GIANT SNAKES EVERYWHERE!!! Maybe there is something to this 2012 thing. Maybe that's when the ANACONDAS will outnumber the humans in the world. The signs are there, the data is there, we need to fight back...and I hear that snake is quite delicious. You could probably eat an anaconda for a month...and that's not including the alligator or bobcat or deer or whatever might be within it. Perhaps they will be like...a post-apocalyptic Kinderegg, with a special surprise inside. All I know is...we need to fight back...before it's too late. There's too many mother f**kin' snakes in this mother f**kin' glade...and we need to send Samuel L. in there to get it taken care of...and a bunch of his buddies for backup...because you never know when he's going to get snatched up by a supersmart great white shark in some illogical manner while giving a speech. It's happened before. Sigh...enough of this. I'm tired of spilling my case to a government who will sit back and bureaucratize when things need to be done. I'm changing the subject for a moment.

Megan Fox Update - American actress & now officially GLOBAL superhottie Megan Fox will strip down to her underwear for Giorgio Armani's Emporio Armani fashion brand, the Italian design house said on Wednesday. Fox, who starred in the "Transformers" films, follows in the footsteps of "Posh Spice" Victoria Beckham who along with her soccer-playing husband David heads the Emporio Armani autumn/winter underwear campaign. The actress will also be the new official worldwide face for Armani Jeans for next year (mmm...face, jeans, I like where this is going...) Armani said in a statement the soon-to-be unveiled adverts were shot by photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott at the weekend in Lost Angeles. The duo also took the Beckhams' underwear ad pictures. Last week, the Milan-based fashion house said Portuguese footballer Cristiano Ronaldo would replace David Beckham as the new sports model for Emporio Armani's men's underwear. So now you all have something to look forward to. Instead of Posh, you get the her underwear. Here's a sneak preview...
Oh wait, it's Armani...
so it'll probably be more like this

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Not much else to blab on about. Even if so, it wouldn't be that entertaining. I'm just glad that my family's back together with Kairi and they're happen. What more could a man ask for? Hmm, maybe a trip to Vegas soon. I need to be rejuvenated. "But $teve, you just went to Lake Tahoe. WTF?" You're right...but mind your own business. I guess I'll more than likely be going to LA next maybe that'll work too. Lilie has promised to hook me up with an Adriana Lima look-alike that she met at a bar...since the real one is allegedly married to the man that I've proven is less compatible than me...but whatever, that'll be nice. I probably won't even have to learn Portuguese. Have a great day everybody!!!

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