Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Great weekend. Lots of rain, lots of family time, good stuff. Saturday, I woke up in a pretty good mood...because it was raining heavily...and you know how I feel about that. No rain lightly drumming the roof to help ease me to sleep...but luckily there was a little wind too so that brushed a tree against my bedroom wall and I could still hear it a bit...and the car tires sloshing through it on their way home. So I awoke refreshed & renewed...and headed out to hang with my brother. He has been VERY lonely the past few weeks but I spent a few hours with him before he had to go to work, which was him playing video games mostly...but we also checked out a Halloween store for outfits for the kids. Nothing definite for them...but something great did come out of this trip.
We decided that if we ever decide to really rob a bank (I've told you that it's been a dream of ours for a while...but we're too easily identifiable in a lineup due to our height) that we would do it dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why? Why not? Think about it. Sure, the drive to the bank may be less than conspicuous...but think about it. Running up in there with green face paint (or a form-fitted mask), Kevlar vest shell, semi-automatic weapon in one hand...and a ninja weapon in the other, and you've already got the nicknames burned into your psyche. "Raph, get the cash. Mikey, you're on crowd control. Sixty seconds." Some of you may be saying, "$teve, why have the guns? You already have the superior ninja skills. Why cheapen the experience?" It's not my choice, believe me. However, people have been watching too many movies nowadays and want to be a hero...and there's more of a chance that somebody will want to be one if they only have a kitana blade or nunchakus to worry about...and it'll just save time...and I don't want to have to make an example out of anybody, I just want to get the money and ninja vanish with a smoke bomb. The banks are insured. I know I sound like an incredible humanitarian when I talk about robbing a bank...but hey, like I said, it's a big IF. Now that I've posted my plan on the internet, I'm sure that somebody else will think that's a swell idea, have the balls & weaponry to use it, and I'll be the first one that the FBI talks to. Oh well, thus is the life of a criminal mastermind. Just thought that I'd share that with you. "Where's Splinter with the f**king van?"
The rest of the day was spent with my mom, niece & nephew watching "Jungle Book" and it amazes me that they were both singing along (how's that for a segway? Bank robbery to Disney flicks). My niece Kairi was singing "Bear Necessities" & "Til I'm Grown" and even little Vinny (not even two) was singing "Military Style" which just blew my mind. My mom was telling me that I used to do the same thing as a kid with everything from the "Muppets Take Manhattan" to "Revenge of the Nerds" so...at least they're watching movies more appropriate for children then I was. That night, after the kids went to bed, I walked out of the house...in the rain and apparently a full moon with a few stars peeking through the clouds and nearly blinding moonlight. That's why I like to go to the Fortress of Solitude. Sure, talking to my mom is great...and the kids are usually up there...but sometimes I just need to get away from everything too. Stand out in an open area, listen to the wind & rain blow through the trees, glance over a valley completely lit by the soft glow of the moon, take in all the free beautiful things that the world has to offer...and just think my situation over. There are a LOT worse situations that I could be in.
The next day, I gave those kids a bath...and we had hella fun. Vinny kept standing up and jumping around...which I'm told is unsafe in a bathtub, so rather than let him find out the hard way, I just kept telling him to sit down. I wasn't going to let his first permanent scar be on my watch. "Dude, you watch my kids for fifteen minutes...and my son has a concussion & my daughter is traumatized from it?" "That's the thing with childcare, you get what you pay for, man." Those kids are hella cute...but I'm sure they'll outgrow it too soon. After that, I went to hang out with my brother again (because he had called me twice & left me three text messages in an hour wondering when I was coming down) and met up with him and went to watch some football at my buddy Isaiha's house. Good times. Then I drove home and slept like a baby. Like I said, not a bad weekend at all. Sure there wasn't any hot and heavy tales of lust involved (I decided to leave those dreams out of this episode) but hey, I got to sing Disney songs with two of the greatest little kids in the wide world. Now here's the news...
Best Place to Live - If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? French Riviera? New York City? Bora Bora? Rio de Janeiro? Well, that'll obviously depend on your personal situation...but luckily we also have a board at the United Nations that will help us decide the best places to live. And this year...Norway takes the number one spot in the annual United Nations human development index released Monday...but the People's Republic of China made the biggest strides in improving the well-being of its citizens. The index compiled by the UN Development Programme (UNDP) ranks 182 countries based on such criteria as life expectancy, literacy, school enrolment and gross domestic product (GDP) per capita. Norway, Australia and Iceland took the first three spots while Niger (what did you just call me?) ranks at the very bottom, just below Afghanistan. China moved up seven places on the list to rank as the 92nd most developed country due to improvements in education as well as income levels and life expectancy. Colombia and Peru rose five spaces to rank 77th and 78th while France -- which was not part of the top 10 last year -- returns to the upper echelons by moving up three places to number 8. The UNDP said the index highlights the grave disparities between rich and poor countries. A child born in Niger can expect to live to just over 50, which is 30 years less than a child born in Norway. For every dollar a person earns in Niger, 85 dollars are earned in Norway. This year's index was based on data from 2007 and does not take into account the impact of the global economic crisis (yeah...because didn't Iceland go bankrupt?). "Many countries have experienced setbacks over recent decades, in the face of economic downturns, conflict-related crises and the HIV and AIDS epidemic," said the UN development report's author Jeni Klugman. "And this was even before the impact of the current global financial crisis was felt." Afghanistan, which returns to the list for the first time since 1996, is the only Asian country among the bottom ten which also include Sierra Leone in the 180th spot, just below the Central African Republic. The top ten countries listed on the index are: Norway, Australia, Iceland, Canada, Ireland, the Netherlands (AMSTERDAM!!!), Sweden, France, Switzerland and Japan. The United States ranks 13th, down one spot from last year.
Great weekend. Lots of rain, lots of family time, good stuff. Saturday, I woke up in a pretty good mood...because it was raining heavily...and you know how I feel about that. No rain lightly drumming the roof to help ease me to sleep...but luckily there was a little wind too so that brushed a tree against my bedroom wall and I could still hear it a bit...and the car tires sloshing through it on their way home. So I awoke refreshed & renewed...and headed out to hang with my brother. He has been VERY lonely the past few weeks but I spent a few hours with him before he had to go to work, which was him playing video games mostly...but we also checked out a Halloween store for outfits for the kids. Nothing definite for them...but something great did come out of this trip.
We decided that if we ever decide to really rob a bank (I've told you that it's been a dream of ours for a while...but we're too easily identifiable in a lineup due to our height) that we would do it dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why? Why not? Think about it. Sure, the drive to the bank may be less than conspicuous...but think about it. Running up in there with green face paint (or a form-fitted mask), Kevlar vest shell, semi-automatic weapon in one hand...and a ninja weapon in the other, and you've already got the nicknames burned into your psyche. "Raph, get the cash. Mikey, you're on crowd control. Sixty seconds." Some of you may be saying, "$teve, why have the guns? You already have the superior ninja skills. Why cheapen the experience?" It's not my choice, believe me. However, people have been watching too many movies nowadays and want to be a hero...and there's more of a chance that somebody will want to be one if they only have a kitana blade or nunchakus to worry about...and it'll just save time...and I don't want to have to make an example out of anybody, I just want to get the money and ninja vanish with a smoke bomb. The banks are insured. I know I sound like an incredible humanitarian when I talk about robbing a bank...but hey, like I said, it's a big IF. Now that I've posted my plan on the internet, I'm sure that somebody else will think that's a swell idea, have the balls & weaponry to use it, and I'll be the first one that the FBI talks to. Oh well, thus is the life of a criminal mastermind. Just thought that I'd share that with you. "Where's Splinter with the f**king van?"
The rest of the day was spent with my mom, niece & nephew watching "Jungle Book" and it amazes me that they were both singing along (how's that for a segway? Bank robbery to Disney flicks). My niece Kairi was singing "Bear Necessities" & "Til I'm Grown" and even little Vinny (not even two) was singing "Military Style" which just blew my mind. My mom was telling me that I used to do the same thing as a kid with everything from the "Muppets Take Manhattan" to "Revenge of the Nerds" so...at least they're watching movies more appropriate for children then I was. That night, after the kids went to bed, I walked out of the house...in the rain and apparently a full moon with a few stars peeking through the clouds and nearly blinding moonlight. That's why I like to go to the Fortress of Solitude. Sure, talking to my mom is great...and the kids are usually up there...but sometimes I just need to get away from everything too. Stand out in an open area, listen to the wind & rain blow through the trees, glance over a valley completely lit by the soft glow of the moon, take in all the free beautiful things that the world has to offer...and just think my situation over. There are a LOT worse situations that I could be in.The next day, I gave those kids a bath...and we had hella fun. Vinny kept standing up and jumping around...which I'm told is unsafe in a bathtub, so rather than let him find out the hard way, I just kept telling him to sit down. I wasn't going to let his first permanent scar be on my watch. "Dude, you watch my kids for fifteen minutes...and my son has a concussion & my daughter is traumatized from it?" "That's the thing with childcare, you get what you pay for, man." Those kids are hella cute...but I'm sure they'll outgrow it too soon. After that, I went to hang out with my brother again (because he had called me twice & left me three text messages in an hour wondering when I was coming down) and met up with him and went to watch some football at my buddy Isaiha's house. Good times. Then I drove home and slept like a baby. Like I said, not a bad weekend at all. Sure there wasn't any hot and heavy tales of lust involved (I decided to leave those dreams out of this episode) but hey, I got to sing Disney songs with two of the greatest little kids in the wide world. Now here's the news...
Best Place to Live - If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? French Riviera? New York City? Bora Bora? Rio de Janeiro? Well, that'll obviously depend on your personal situation...but luckily we also have a board at the United Nations that will help us decide the best places to live. And this year...Norway takes the number one spot in the annual United Nations human development index released Monday...but the People's Republic of China made the biggest strides in improving the well-being of its citizens. The index compiled by the UN Development Programme (UNDP) ranks 182 countries based on such criteria as life expectancy, literacy, school enrolment and gross domestic product (GDP) per capita. Norway, Australia and Iceland took the first three spots while Niger (what did you just call me?) ranks at the very bottom, just below Afghanistan. China moved up seven places on the list to rank as the 92nd most developed country due to improvements in education as well as income levels and life expectancy. Colombia and Peru rose five spaces to rank 77th and 78th while France -- which was not part of the top 10 last year -- returns to the upper echelons by moving up three places to number 8. The UNDP said the index highlights the grave disparities between rich and poor countries. A child born in Niger can expect to live to just over 50, which is 30 years less than a child born in Norway. For every dollar a person earns in Niger, 85 dollars are earned in Norway. This year's index was based on data from 2007 and does not take into account the impact of the global economic crisis (yeah...because didn't Iceland go bankrupt?). "Many countries have experienced setbacks over recent decades, in the face of economic downturns, conflict-related crises and the HIV and AIDS epidemic," said the UN development report's author Jeni Klugman. "And this was even before the impact of the current global financial crisis was felt." Afghanistan, which returns to the list for the first time since 1996, is the only Asian country among the bottom ten which also include Sierra Leone in the 180th spot, just below the Central African Republic. The top ten countries listed on the index are: Norway, Australia, Iceland, Canada, Ireland, the Netherlands (AMSTERDAM!!!), Sweden, France, Switzerland and Japan. The United States ranks 13th, down one spot from last year.
Well, I'm proud to be the 13th greatest country to live in on Earth. The land of Elvis, Hollywood, bacon, Jack Daniels, all-you-can-eat buffets, Benjamin Franklin, grizzly bears, Starbucks, Hugh Hefner, credit cards, Rock & Roll, Batman, Twitter, Nat King Cole, crack, Chuck Norris, baseball, Bettie Page, Las Vegas, Levi jeans, Marilyn Monroe, Harley Davidson, pet rocks, professional wrestling, Rocky, Girls Gone Wild, monster trucks, Biggie Smalls, slap bracelets, Wal-Mart, FOOTBALL, Obama, Oprah, and ugh...Wonder Woman!!! (P.S. For some reason I wanted to sing "America, f**k yeah!!!" anybody else with me on that one?)
Anyway, that'll do it for today...but before I go, I want to hear your feedback. Best Country in the World...and the top three reasons why? Discuss.
My Country: United States of America
Reasons
- Diversity of Land - What do you want? Snow? Desert? Mountains? Skyscrapers? Wetlands? Corn as far as the eye can see? Pineapples? Pine trees? White sand beaches? Vineyards? We've got it...or your money back.
- Diversity of People - The Great Melting Pot of the World...and it's heated up by the ladies...
- Viewers Like You - Since the majority of my viewers are Americans...and I'm all about pandering...and that's why I may be President one day. ROCK, FLAG & EEEEAGLLLLLE!!!
Have a great day everybody!!!
2 comments:
"Death by Snoo Snoo" is a misleading title, but I'm sure you planned it that way, you rascal! You are pandering to my love of all things "Futurama" and cite one of the best episodes ever, "because it is all about the fundamentals".
If the Ninja Turtle thing doesn't work out, you could always buy masks of past presidents...oh wait, that's been done. Wouldn't the best disguise be the uniform of a policeman? You would have the gun and the bullet-proof vest and no one would think twice if they looked at you, not to mention, what average citizen is going to question the authority of a cop?
I with you. Sometimes it is good just to get out in the moonlight, listen to the night noises, stare at the stars, and count your blessings. At least you don't live in Niger.
Bath time is ALWAYS a blast, but I usually end up getting wet too.
China moved up a few notches and we rank 13th. I would think it would take a lot to improve China, because from what I understand, they don't have it that great to begin with, so they must be doing something right. Good for them.
I'm not the slightest bit surprised that Norway heads the list as their citizens have access to a lot of, how shall I put it, ammenities that would be conducive to a happy and fufilling life style. (Good education system, health care, good beer, the "red light" district, etc al.)
I'll be honest $teve, when I was reading through your list of what makes America great and I got to "crack", I did a spit take with my beer! I can only assume that you are suggesting that we have the best ladies in the world as opposed to suggesting that we make the best concentrated smokable cocaine. I'm certain Brazil heads that catergory in the UNDP rankings.
Best Country In The World And Why:
The U.S. of f*cking A.
1. We have rednecks with guns so we never have to worry about being invaded.
2. We have unfettered access to information and don't have tanks and armed troops on every street corner, not to mention we can change administrations and no one has to get shot.
3. We make pretty good beer and have some of the sexiest women on God's green earth!
And The Bonus Reason:
4. There isn't anywhere in America that you can't purchase Marlboros, Coca Cola, a MacDonald's cheeseburger, a pizza, a case of Budweiser, or hear some Rock N' Roll on the radio!
May we all die by Snoo Snoo!
Doc
Doc my friend, I teared up a little bit while you were there on your soapbox. That was beautiful, man. :)
Sorry about the Death by Snoo Snoo reference. That's my favorite Futurama episode. "The spirit is willing...but the body is spongy & bruised." I occasionally just throw random stuff out there as an attention-grabber. You may have noticed.
P.S. The "crack" was thrown in there just to see who was reading. Thanks for not letting me down. Everybody knows that the only drugs we have the best of are Viagra, Tobacco & Jack.
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