Worst First Date Ever?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

In a much better mood than I have been the past few days. Why? Because I've been able to make my family mildly happier these past few days with the whole Kairi situation. I don't want to give any details, in case a specific crack whore sister-in-law maybe reading this for some reason (and if so, please re-read this entry) but if there's any merit in the Justice system at all, my niece should be back in the loving arms of her REAL family shortly. Other than that, haven't had a whole lot of time to do much of anything else the past few days. Watched a little "Supernatural" and I just finished up season 3. The formula still stands true for the most part...and Filly described it as a "a modern day Western...with monsters...and classic rock" and that pretty much sums it up. So yeah, nothing else other than that...but there's always the news...

Alabama Mama - I read stories like this...and I have to check to make sure I'm not related to anybody in the article. Have I mentioned my proud redneck genes? An Alabama woman has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child after police say she let her daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of their van. Albertville Police spokesman Sgt. Jamie Smith said the 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday after police received a call about a minivan on a state highway with a child riding on top. Smith said the woman told police the box was too big to go inside the van, and that her daughter was inside the box to hold it down (oh yeah, she said it). Smith said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger (oh my God, it just gets better). The 13-year-old daughter (that's right, 13-year-old daughter) wasn't harmed and was turned over to a relative. A jail worker said the mother was out on bond Monday. Just wanted to let you all know that...we all make mistakes, and nobody's a perfect parent...but it's okay, because there's always somebody stupider out there...and they're probably in Alabama. Another thing that kind of gets me is...okay, the box was too big for their van...but apparently so light that it required a teenage girl AND a coat hanger to hold it down? Was it a box of those little Styrofoam peanuts? If not, was it empty? Just dismantle the box. Also, how is this stupid b**ch out on bond? Does Alabama have similar maternal omnipotence like the state of Utah? So many questions...but I'm going to change the subject before I get angered...

Finger Kickin' Good Chicken - Authorities in Massachusetts say a couple, upset over the slowness of their Kentucky Fried Chicken order, assaulted a man who asked them to stop yelling profanities for the sake of children in line. The couple was arrested Thursday after witnesses told police the couple beat the man as he was leaving the restaurant. Police say 31-year-old Jared Garfagna of Marshfield punched the man in the head, and then Garfagna's girlfriend, 24-year-old Sara Mohn, kicked the man. The victim had cuts on his eyelid and wrists. Mohn has been charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon (possibly a Red Sox cap). Garfagna has been ordered to appear in court on assault and battery charges. It's unclear whether either has hired an attorney. Yeah, that sounds like Boston. I don't know what it is about the Bostonian or New Jersey accent...but it makes me want to cause violence...so I can only assume that's why so many are loud and angry (at least by Utah standards). I mean...it's well known that I like chicken (in fact, some have caught my special dance about how much I like chicken) but am I going to beat somebody up in a parking lot over chicken? Perhaps...but not in this situation where I was making an ass of myself at somebody else's workplace. Sir, best of luck to you in court. Damn, now I want popcorn chicken...

Kung Fu Brothel - The New Zealand Olympic Committee (NZOC) has threatened to sue a local taekwondo athlete who plans to finance his 2012 London Games bid...with the proceeds from a brothel. Logan Campbell, whose participation in the Beijing Olympics last year cost him NZ$150,000 ($110,600) -- most of which came from his parents -- opened a brothel with a friend in Auckland earlier this year. Campbell went public with the scheme in July and the 23-year-old said he hoped to raise NZ$300,000 to alleviate any financial burden on his parents (ah, nice guy) and to have more time to concentrate on training. After remaining silent on the issue for three months, the NZOC had written a letter to Campbell demanding he cease linking the Olympics to his business or face legal action, the athlete told New Zealand television Wednesday. "Based on the Olympic values of excellence, friendship and respect, we would place your actions as totally inconsistent with these values," TV3 network quoted an excerpt of the letter, signed by NZOC secretary-general Barry Maister, as saying. "Your open solicitation of 'clients' for your 'business' while using the Olympic or Olympian connection must cease immediately, or the NZOC will be forced to consider taking legal action against you." Campbell, who finished outside the medals in the featherweight division at Beijing, defended his business and fundraising efforts. Owning and running brothels is legal in New Zealand, where laws governing prostitution are relatively liberal by world standards (Go Kiwis!!!). "At the end of the day, I feel like I'm not exploiting anyone because no one has to be here, we are not forcing anyone to be here. They are here of their own free will," he told the network. Campbell is now threatening legal action of his own. How about that? You can partake of the wonderful service of an exotic location like New Zealand AND help a young man achieve his dream of participating in the Olympic Games. As you might have guessed, I have absolutely no problem with this scenario at all. In fact, NZOC, if you don't like it, then pay his way. Oh, you can't? Then allow him to get his own damn sponsorship deal. Don't discredit him because he's not getting caught up in your bureaucratic horsewaggle and has decided to take matter into his own hands and find legal alternative means of financing his dreams. Shame on you, New Zealand. Your prime minister Gary would be appalled...as would your fourth most popular folk band, The Flight of the Conchords. Mister Campbell, I would be more than happy to help support your business and your dream. However, flights down there are pretty f**king expensive. Once I get over that hurdle though, you're definitely on my city tour of Auckland. Good luck. Hopefully I'll see you in London in 2012.

Naturale Nature Hike - German naturists will soon have their own 18-km (11-mile) long trail for hiking...in the nude. Oddly enough, some enthusiasts have been trying it out before the official opening next May. Heinz Ludwig, who runs a nearby campsite, has led the project to create the nudist trail that meanders up and down the Harz mountain range in central Germany, overcoming some local protests by pointing out its potential boost for tourism (really? That's your angle?). "I think it's a great way to promote tourism here," Ludwig told Reuters on Tuesday after Bild newspaper published a picture of two women wearing nothing but rucksacks on the trail (okay, you've won me over). "There's already been a lot of interest in it." The trail runs between the village of Dankerode and the Wippertal dam. Naturism fans have been monitoring progress of the trail in Internet chatrooms for months and a band of naked hikers (sounds like the beginning of a really bad horror flick) took a test walk on the not-quite-finished trail in May. The trail is being marked with special signs warning the uninitiated that they could encounter nude hikers. One sign reads, "If you don't want to see people with nothing on, then you should refrain from moving on!" I'm going to help my German friends by suggesting another sign that seems to work pretty well over here in the States, "LIVE NUDES XXX" and I'm sure that you can get the red & purple neon to work off solar power or something. You Germans are always on the cutting edge of technology. Just look at the Sham-Wow! Not a must-see on my backpacking trip through Europe though. Sure it'd be nice to see some nice uninhibited Lola running through the forest...but it's more than likely going to be Gunther the Metzger wanting to chat it up. "Cold out huh?" "Ja, es ist kalt. Funf Celsius." "Sigh..." "It looks like you are smoking...but you are not." "Sigh...I sure ain't." "Oooh, look at mine goose pimples." "Sigh...no thanks, Gunther. I'm ugh...gonna go...somewhere else. Hey, is Katarina Witt still around somewhere?"

There May Be A Cure - Scientists and government leaders have already started mapping out how to try to improve the world's first successful AIDS vaccine, which protected one in three people from getting HIV in a large study in Thailand. That's not good enough for immediate use, researchers say. Yet it is a watershed event in the 26 years since the AIDS virus was discovered. Recent setbacks led many scientists to think a successful vaccine would never be possible. The World Health Organization and the U.N. agency UNAIDS said the results "instilled new hope" in the field, even though it likely will be years before a vaccine might be widely available. "This is truly a great moment for world medicine," said Lt. Gen. Eric Schoomaker, the U.S. Army Surgeon General. The Army helped sponsor the study, the world's largest of an AIDS vaccine. It was the first time scientists tried preventing HIV the same way they treat it — with a combination approach. The study used two vaccines that work in different ways, and that may be one reason the strategy worked, even though neither vaccine did when tested individually in earlier trials, scientists say. The combo cut the risk of becoming infected with HIV by more than 31% in the study of more than 16,000 volunteers in Thailand, researchers announced Thursday in Bangkok. That benefit is modest, yet "it's the first evidence that we could have a safe and effective preventive vaccine," said Col. Jerome Kim, an Army doctor who helped lead the study. The outcome "gives me cautious optimism about the possibility of improving this result" and developing a more effective AIDS vaccine, said Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, which co-sponsored the study. "It's an opening of a new gateway to a road that has brighter lights in it now and maybe some directions. We need to bring the best minds together and map the way forward." That has already started. Dozens of researchers, vaccine makers and deep-pocket donors will meet next week in New York "to talk about where we go from here," said Dr. Alan Bernstein, executive director of the Global HIV Vaccine Enterprise, an alliance of government officials, AIDS scientists, funders such as the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, and the WHO. At the meeting will be researchers from the Thai trial, the Army and independent scientists. Scientists around the world cheered the first taste of victory...and who ever thought that the cure for an STD would be found in Thailand? This is pretty good news...and I hope it continues.

Worst First Date? - A Detroit man has been sentenced to at least two years in prison for stealing a woman's car AFTER skipping out on the check during their first date. Twenty-four-year-old Terrance McCoy was sentenced Friday in Oakland County Circuit Court to two to 10 years in prison. McCoy pleaded no contest September 18th to unlawfully driving away a vehicle (I guess that's how they word grand theft auto in Detroit). A no-contest plea is not an admission of guilt but is treated as a conviction at sentencing. Police say McCoy dined with the 27-year-old Southfield woman on April 24 at a restaurant in Ferndale. The woman told investigators McCoy said he forgot his wallet in her car and asked for the keys (Really? REALLY?). Police say McCoy then took off in the car. Defense attorney Terri Antisdale says McCoy is a "very nice man who made a bad decision." How do you think SHE feels about the decision? Wow. Now, I've had some pretty good experiences with first dates (knock on wood). I have yet to have a first date where I feared for my life, involved the police in any way, received some sort of scar or really anything out of the ordinary...other than a few memories & awkward social advances. However, I am not everybody. So I throw it out there, anybody want to share their worst first date experiences? Anybody? It'd be awesome if you did. You know I'd be more than willing to share a really good story...but you know the best that I've got is that girl who looked like she was 14 and wouldn't stop talking about American Idol. I kept expecting Chris Hanson to come walking around the corner. "I swear to God, she told me she was 24." "And you believed her?" "Dude, I asked for ID." That's about it. So please...feel free to share...and use fake names. I don't want anybody's feelings to be hurt.

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Have a great day everybody!!!