Dr. Love's Petting Zoo

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, trusted gossipers are telling me some less than thrilling news about the hotel industry in Las Vegas…but I'm trying to keep optimistic about it all. So I'm training so that they get the best employee / leader possible when I do go down there…but now I'm wondering if I should broaden the search a bit. The problem is…most cities across the nation are all being hit hard by the economic downturn. I did get a lovely little spam from Monster.com telling me about the top 5 cities to build wealth…but they're locations like Plano TX (Dallas is…okay), Aurora CO (I know people in Denver…who are probably moving back to Slick City), Omaha NE (I personally know WHY they're doing good…but don't care for corn), Minneapolis MN (rumors of Favre playing for the Vikings are intriguing), and Albuquerque NM (lots of wrong turns involve in people ending up there). I don't know. Maybe I just need a little more patience…but it's coming up on six months that I've been trying to get out there. Oh well, if they're not hiring me, it's probably because they can't afford me, so that's a good thing. I also get to hang out here…with my family & friends for a little longer…before going off to make new friends & contacts. I guess what I'm trying to say is…go to Vegas for your vacation. It's warm, the booze is cheap, and the people are easy. In today's economic times, you can probably negotiate prices for anything. ANYTHING. It all happens for a reason.

Other than that, Brooklyn and I were discussing trading shifts at work…and she said "$teve, if you can't do it, that's okay. Don't do it. You're a sweetheart and I'd never try to screw you." "Wow, thanks Brooklyn. Real big boost to my self-esteem right there." "No, I mean like…screw you over. You know what I mean." "Oh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. Message received." Just goes to show guys. Don't be a sweetheart, because they'll never try to screw you. Oh…and take everything literally. Anyway, don't know why that actually still makes me laugh…probably because I made her blush a bit. Here's some news about animals…

Panda Update - Four giant panda cubs were born within 14 hours at a breeding center in southwest China, a mini baby boom for the rare animals, a state news agency reported Sunday. The births began Saturday at the Chengdu Panda Breeding Research Center when 9-year-old Qiyuan ("Magic Luck") gave birth to magically lucky female twins at 5:24 p.m. and 6:16 p.m. Then, eight-year-old Chenggong ("Success") gave successful birth to a cub at 7:51 p.m., followed by 8-year-old Zhuzhu ("Pearl") who delivered yet another pearl at 6:55 a.m. Sunday. This is great news for panda lovers across the globe. It seems like my Panda Updates started out last year being about new procedures (that I suggested to them three years ago), then they've become a few rare births here & there along with contest for their naming after 100 days, and now it's every few weeks a new cub, twins, and four-at-a-time mass deliveries. I'm waiting for the octuplets here in August. It's a great trend for these seemingly gentle giants…and I hope that they can get their swerve on and get off…that endangered species list.

Sexy Devil - For those who don't know, the Tasmanian Devil has been on the endangered species list for a while as well…and have really had problems with a mysterious disease causing facial tumors and bringing their life expectancy from six years to two years over the last decade. How have they coped? They have extended their breeding season to last all year since the advent of the deadly disease that threatens to wipe out the species. Wildlife biologist David Pemberton said the finding appeared to be linked to recent research showing that the animals were also having sex younger (so they're becoming more human?). Pemberton, who has been studying the creatures for more than two decades, said that in the past, mating was restricted to a three-week period around March and April, the southern autumn. The species is restricted to the island state of Tasmania after competition from the dingo led to its extinction on mainland Australia. It is Australia's largest marsupial carnivore after the extinction last century of its distant cousin, the thylacine or Tasmanian tiger. Luckily for them, the disease isn't sexually transmitted…but rather spread through biting…hmm, unless they're just really wild kinky little devils. That's possible. I've seen them on TV. Primal, loud, destructive, slobbery, no restraint, speaking in grunts and groans, always hanging around rabbits (probably for the fur), I'll admit it's kind of hot. God knows I've had my share of teeth marks on…never mind. That's beside the point. Perhaps I will send an email to Dr. Pemberton to see if they've looked into that angle. We've got save the Devils!!! Otherwise, why would anybody want to go to Tasmania? Wombats?

My Deerest Ant - Okay, it's a bad pun (or rather several bad puns) but this is a story about a six-legged deer. I'm open to other headlines if you've got a better one. Anyway, an Athens GA woman with a permit to keep unique animals in captivity has agreed to take the unusual deer. The animal was found July 18 near Armuchee and underwent surgery to repair its minor injuries after being attacked by a dog. The fawn has two complete pelvises and two tails. One of the tails had to be amputated (yikes!). Professor George Gallagher said the fawn has a condition that is similar to Siamese twins in humans…which I means that the evil twin is probably shoved up the other's ass or something…at a genetic level, of course. Anyway, glad he's doing okay…and I expect to see him when the State Fair comes around next year…since they gypped me on my mermaid in Montana.

Geez, You Gotta Big (Cat)!!! - A 44-pound feline was found waddling around Saturday without a collar in Voorhees, NJ and officials at the Camden County Animal Shelter hope she gets a nice (hopefully diet-friendly) home. Shelter officials are calling the porky cutie "Princess Chunk" (Nice! Love those Jersey people) In case you were wondering, the largest tabby on record weighed 46 pounds, 15 ounces. That cat, who lived in Australia, died in the 1980s. The Guinness World Records has since dropped the category, fearing cat owners might harm their animals in an attempt to break the record. I never would have even thought of that…before. Princess Chunk's owner has until Saturday to reclaim her. After that, she will be eligible for adoption. So anybody looking for a large cat…and in the New Jersey area, stop on by on the weekend and see if you can be Prince Hunk for Princess Chunk.

Well, that'll do it for today. Not much else going on yet, but it's still pretty early. Working all weekend though, so it can't get too crazy, right? (Sigh...) It's all good. I'm getting paid. Have a great day everybody!!! Go to Vegas for the weekend. Give them the means to afford me. Who knows? We could BOTH be the next big winner!!!