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Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I've been on this trip for two weeks now...and have basically sapped Great Falls off all the fun that I could find...so I thought that I'd update you a bit on some of the news going on around the world that you won't hear on CNN or any of those other news networks (because it has nothing to do with Presidential races, violence, missing babies, crazy mommies, and the like) to maybe get you through the day. So here it goes...

Nate Dogg Arrested for Stalking...his Wife - The rapper, whose real name is Nathaniel Dwayne Hale, was charged July 7th. He was arrested last month by the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) after his wife claimed he was threatening her and following her as she drove on a freeway south of Los Angeles. His attorney, Mark Geragos, said he looked forward to defending his client in court, "Unfortunately he's had a tough year and we look forward to getting him through it." Apparently it hasn't been that tough of a year if he can hire a good lawyer...but it has been a while since I've heard Nate Dogg's smooth voice on a tune. Think about it. The guy is basically the ultimate chorus singer in the hip-hop community. Sometimes they'll even through in a verse for him too, just to keep him happy. It's sad that he has to go through all this stuff...but I guess the law is the law...and the rhythm is the bass and the bass is the trebllllllllle. Sorry, just had to regulate the G-Funk while he's got some legal problems.

Small Dogs Have Napoleon Complex Too - Small dogs, especially dachshunds a.k.a. Wiener Dogs, are more likely to attack strangers and other dogs than pitbulls, rottweilers and other macho breeds. US researchers sent questionnaires to the owners of 30 breeds of dogs to assess how their pet responded to a variety of common stimuli and situations. Dachshunds, chihuahuas and Jack Russell terriers topped the list for aggressiveness, while Brittany spaniels, greyhounds and whippets were the most docile. The study appears in Applied Animal Behaviour Science, circulation of I'm guessing a few dozen. So Napoleon Complex isn't just for man...but for his best friend too? When will it stop? It must be genetic or something. Even Wiener Dogs have Penis Envy. By the way, I'd like to apologize to any dachshund owners out there for calling them by their unofficial, yet widely-accepted name...and suggest that you run for your life...or get them before they get you & your children.

Worse than Beware of Dog - An unexpected sexual curse has been uncovered by archaeologists at Cyprus's old city kingdom of Amathus, on the island's south coast near Limassol. "A curse is inscribed in Greek on a lead tablet and part of it reads: 'May your penis hurt when you make love'," Pierre Aubert, head of Athens Archaeological School in Greece told the English language Cyprus Weekly. He said the tablet showed a man standing holding something in his right hand that looks like an hour glass (really?). The inscription dates back to the 7th century AD when Christianity was well established on the island, leading the French professor to surmise that it referred to the activity of witchcraft or shamans surviving from the pagan era. Not a bad threat to have as someone enters your home. "Don't steal my stuff...or it'll burn when you pee." Then again, it may not be a real big threat once I move down to Vegas.

Speaking of One-Night Stands - When it comes to one-night stands, men and women are poles apart. Guys just want, well, you know, while gals go to bed with the false impression of flattery and a craving for feeling desirable. The upshot, according to new research, is great for most men and the pits for most women. The study goes further under the covers, delving into the nuances of casual sex and its potential as a Venus-and-Mars minefield. Among the findings: Women were not hooking up in an effort to secure a long-term beau, but because they felt flattered by the overnight proposition. "Often [women] said things like, 'I felt so flattered, so happy that he found me attractive. It was so nice to be wanted,'" said researcher Anne Campbell, a psychologist at Durham University in England. "What women don't seem to see is that men drop their standards massively for a one-night stand. No woman should be flattered because a man wants to have sex with her once." Honestly though, is this really news? Anyway, if you more interested in this experiment, there are some details in the link that talk about it being really bad for girls and really good for guys and all of that stuff...but yeah, it is what it is. If you're going to do it, at least do it with somebody who really thinks that you ladies are amazing...and will cuddel with you...and make you breakfast the next morning...like oh I don't know...your friendly neighborhood non-profit gigolo / doctor Mookie Love. Hope you like pancakes. (Sigh) I've almost forgot what making out is like...with only the occasional dream and supercheesy romantic comedy there to remind me (tear). By the way, your hair looks great...

Robocop Reloaded? - Keeping up the Hollywood rerun theme, MGM has hired director Darren Aronofsky to pull a Christopher Nolan and reboot the dormant Robocop franchise. Aronofsky is teaming with writer David Self ("Road to Perdition") to come up with a new story about the cyborg police officer set for 2010. The original 1987 feature, directed by Paul Verhoeven, spawned two sequels as well as a short-lived TV series and video games. Okay, so let me get this straight. The director of a movie that turned mathematics into a black & white thriller ("Pi"), the creepiest sexy Jennifer Connelly movie ever ("Requiem for a Dream"), and quite possibly the chickiest flick of all time...even though starring Wolverine ("The Fountain") is about to remake "Robocop"? Awesome. Now, I've seen all three of those Aronofsky movies...and they were all pretty good (visually memorable...and gives you a queezy feeling in your stomach...but when appropriate). I hate to say it...but I also kind of like the Robocop trilogy. Number two especially...for the same reason that I enjoy "Starship Troopers" and all those other Verhoeven movies. They're just so bad that they're good. So I'm at the very least curious how Darren Aronofsky's going to do Robocop. My guess...a lot of special effects...and Robocop's going to have a heroin addiction...and sexbots. We'll see if I'm right.

That'll do it for me today. Not a whole lot planned...but at least I get to go home tomorrow. It's been too long. I miss my friends. Not necessarily the family...because my mom's been here the whole time & the rest are ass crackers crazy...but yeah, I'm ready to get back to work for a bit too...and find out what the hell is going on with Las Vegas. Hope you guys enjoyed this trip as much as I did. Have a groovy weekend!!!