Part 5 - Great Falls, Montana

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Day 8 - Great Falls

We had breakfast at our hotel and then drove to the Visitor's Center to see if we could get a good map...but as we pulled in, a kind old man by the name of Buck had coaxed my mom into a bus tour of the city while my back was turned. So I had to pay $45 to do something that we were going to do anyway. Thanks mom. At least he was a nice guy...with no fingers on his right hand. I wanted to ask him how he had lost them...but I assume he would have told me what he told all the kids down at the trout hatchery, "Don't forget the bait. Those things are blood-thirsty." Probably frostbite or something living up in Great Falls for many years. Anyway, we drove around to the various falls (now blocked by electricity-producing dams), downtown, and a few other sights. Famous American explorers Lewis & Clark spent a month here during their 1805 journey due to rough terrain, ample supplies to restock as they continue West, and an IHOP on every corner (Indian House of Pancakes). Here are the pictures...

"Well William, it looks like we'll be staying here for a while."

"I call dibs on Sacagawea!!!" "Seconds!!!"

Okay, just so you know, her husband was on the trip too

We all found out almost too late

Here's a picture of Buck's Trolley

Look at these roaring falls...capped by power-producing dams

In case you were wondering, this is what they

looked like back when everything was black & white

Paris Gibson Park on the Missouri River

Statue of famous resident C.M. Russell downtown

After the tour, we had lunch at the MacKenzie River Pizza Company on River Road and had some Fence Posts (bread sticks stuffed with pepperoni, pesto, and cheese) and an Alfredo Chicken Pizza with Feta Cheese. Good stuff...and the waitress was cute. After that, we headed to the Charles M. Russell Museum. For those who don't know, C.M. Russell was the guy who made all those fantastic paintings of the Old West about a hundred years ago before it was completely ransacked by the industrial world. Here's a brief story of his life. He was born & raised in a well-to-do family in St. Louis. Then at 16, he was a gifted painter but wanted to go see the West that he had heard about from his Uncle. The family, thinking he would come running back once getting his hands dirty, obliged him...but he only came back for the holidays from then on. He took up odd jobs and was completely infatuated with the ways of the West and all the majesty that it possessed. As he grew older, he stayed with some of the tribes, cattle runs, and all the other experiences depicted in his works. At age 32, he married a lovely 18-year old named Nancy...and she's the one who said, "You know, you could sell this stuff for some serious cash, sweetie." Before meeting her, he was just a guy who had a lot of talent & unrealized potential...but then she came along and turned him into an iconic figure in the art world. Before long, he was just living the dream in the city of Great Falls. Paint during the day, spending time with his lovely wife, then ride his horse Monty downtown to the bar, where he could pay with his drinks by doodling on a piece of paper for the barkeep. Sweet life, right? Here are the pictures of his museum...

His wife of thirty years, Nancy

Either there are too many paintballers in Montana

or this buffalo is quite flamboyant

"Tell us where the others are!!!"

"For God's sake, they're right behind you."

You may see this as a blurry photo of a C.M. Russell masterpiece

I see it as a C.M. Russell masterpiece...in Monet-Vision

My favorite thing about C.M. Russell's work

is that it shows that Native Americans are just like us

and experience life similarly to the way we do

"You know honey, Swallows Her Fist got a new Buffalo robe last week."

"Gee, I wonder how she got that..."

"Are you sure this doesn't make me look gay?"

More on the Buffalo Jump...

The Funeral Carriage of C.M. Russell

His studio

His home in Great Falls

I wonder if this was the baby's room

Let's see. High chair, giant record player, washboard,

ice pick, woodworking tools, and a vice grip.

Oh wait, this might be a better room...with a theme

The Master Bedroom, where he passed away

Notice the gated-off area for his wife's stuff...

there's more closet space on the right full of dresses

After the museum, it was getting a little hot...and there was really nothing else to see in the town, so we headed back to the room...and I entered the blog post that I did yesterday, got calls and text messages from the Wingmans, JL Clyde, my sister-in-law, and Bubbles (I got her some flowers for her birthday...and both her & Keanna liked them a lot), and watched some TV while hanging with my mom. There was a lot of stuff about "The Dark Knight" breaking all sorts of weekend box office numbers...and on the History Channel, there were shows about the Gadgetry & Psychology of the movie, so I flipped between that and "Batman Begins" playing on FX. Good times. I do like the Bat Man. Anyway, that was really about it...then I went to sleep because I had to drive my mom to work the next morning.

Day 9 - Great Falls

The morning started with me dropping my mom off with a couple guys by the Malmstrom Air Force Base...which is really out in the middle of the prairie...and you can see for miles in any direction out there and not really see much until some mountains on the horizon. After dropping her off, I went back to the hotel...and figured that blogging would be a good idea since I really didn't have much else to do...and the internet connection was good. I also just kind of needed a day to relax & not run around all day...or entertain myself & my mother during a ten-hour day in the car or something like that. This was the day that hit the spot. I honestly don't have any pictures from this day. I walked around the immediate area by the hotel just to get some fresh air (on the busiest road in all of Montana...which is kind of like saying the highest peak in Rhode Island), some lunch, walk through the mall across the street, nothing much, then returned to the room...and blogged again. Yeah, pretty lame day...and it was just getting lamer.

My sister-in-law called me up...and she was in tears. Not a good sign. Long story short, she wanted to present my brother with an alta matum (poor Latin knowledge) of changing his ways...or separating. I tried to console her and offer suggestions for other methods...but in all honesty, my brother is a stubborn jackass (as has been documented). They love each other...and they love their children...but she's willing to change & compromise...and my brother isn't...and that's the basic conflict. Drama, drama, drama. So she hangs up with me...and will let me know what happens. My mom gets back to the hotel and we head to a Mongolian Bar-B-Q place in a nearby strip mall called...well, Mongolian BBQ. Simple enough, right? For those who haven't had it, you throw in all the ingredients you want, add some great sauces to suit your taste, and somebody fries it all up on a round flat hotplate...and like magic, you have a wonderful meal. My Fortune Cookie for the Day - "The joyfulness of a man prolongs his day...in bed." I would also like to add, vice versa, "His day in bed prolongs the joyfulness of a man." As soon as we finished our meal, the calls started coming in from the family.

Here's what I've gathered from varying testimonies. My stepdad had picked up the kids so they didn't have to see my brother & sister-in-law talk (yell & berate), they talked, apparently my brother flipped (believable because he called me and could barely breathe he was so pissed), my sister left and went somewhere with the kids (have no idea where...and as long as they're safe, I didn't care), the cops were called because threats were said, allegedly restraining orders were filed this morning, my brother's been talking to my dad (who reacted a lot like this in the past) and got some advice as far as getting a lawyer, etc. and it seems like the drama will continue for some time. Can't wait to see how it turns out, $teve said sarcastically.

Anyway, after that, my mom & I consoled those who called us (all of them in varying orders...because we're both such great listeners) and basically just watched TV including an E! True Hollywood Story about Hugh Hefner which was very interesting to me. I never knew that he was married...TWICE!!! Anyway, check it out if you're ever interested...and I guarantee that it's more interesting than the drama that I've been going through the past few days. Some crap straight outta COPS. "HUAH BAD BOYS!!!"

Day 10 - Great Falls

After having breakfast at the hotel, I went to see the Lewis & Clark Interpretive Center to see the exhibits about the epic journey of Capt. Meriwether Lewis and William Clark...along with the others on the journey like Sacagawea...and apparently she had a husband on the journey too. Who knew? Oh...and Lewis & Clark's dog's name...was Seaman. Go ahead and giggle. I did too...surrounded by elderly people who apparently didn't think it was as funny as I did. Apparently, your sense of humor diminishes along with your senses of taste, hearing, sight, and perspective when you get older...but they were great cats otherwise.

They had park rangers show us how to pitch a tipi (not like I learned in my early adolescence...in my pants) and how they tried to construct a steel boat to make trekking the Missouri River easier...but ultimately failed for them. Anyway, here are some pictures of the center...

Because of the falls, they had to trek this way through Great Falls

"Majestic beauty, my ass!!!"

This ranger was showing me how to make a boat out of iron, willow, and hides...

So why was I pitching a tipi?

Oh yeah, it's real...and it's going on that boat eventually

Along the Missouri River...

Mural downtown showing Clark running from a Grizzly...

despite having a rifle in his hand

Got some lunch at Taco John's (yes, again but it's so good) and then blogged because...well, there really wasn't much else to do. I've pretty much done all there was to do in Great Falls (besides co-eds at Montana State) and for me to drive to Glacier National Park as previously thought...would basically be me, alone in a car, trying to navigate & gawk at nature's wonders, for somewhere in the range of 8-12 hours, to see mountains and melting ice. Sure, that's kind of the downward side of the argument...but yeah, really didn't want to spend an entire day by myself in a rental car that I can barely see under the roof in (not designed for tall gentlemen) to see more mountains...so I apologize for anybody anticipating pictures of that. Oh yeah, then more drama as my brother started calling me during the day because whenever he wasn't talking to somebody, he dwelled on his kids being with his wife (weird as that sounds) and would get really sick and vomit. Nice, right? He then mentioned that I was probably going to be his chief witness if it goes to court...and that's NOT going to happen. It's better for both of them if that's not the case...because I think they're both ass crackers crazy...but they love those kids.

Then I got a call from my sister-in-law, who can't contact my brother because of the order earlier in the day...and she wanted me to call Kiel to see if he REALLY wanted to get a divorce or if he was just angry...because she was ready to fill out the paperwork if he was serious. (Frustrated sigh...because now I'm their marriage counselor) Long story short, I act as interpreter for the two of them...and when it was all said and done, I temporarily saved their marriage...and they allegedly want to work it out...which is fantastic, I think. I don't know. I didn't flower anything up, I just translated for them, and hopefully in the next few days they can communicate with eachother. They're already talking about marriage counseling (from a professional instead of a non-profit gigolo) and making changes...so we'll see how it goes. My brother's still very angry with my stepdad about the cops being called...but whatever. Drama, drama, drama. I talked to Bubbles for a few minutes...and that really helped. Then mom & I went to the Pita Pit, I ate a Chicken Crave with Feta, and all was well with the world...as we watched Monsterquest's search for El Chupacabra "The Goat Sucker" and other TV programs. Slept like a baby.

Day 11 - Great Falls

Breakfast at the hotel again. Didn't really do much the rest of the day by myself...because there really wasn't much to do. I did watch some "Burn Notice" on a new episodes marathon (always seems to be a marathon on when I have nothing to do) and a few History Channel shows about Nostradamus and Nikola Tesla. It got me thinking about a few things. In Nostradamus' case, it got me thinking skeptically about some of his predictions...though in the past, I've paid a lot of attention to them, especially during junior high and stuff. I'm sure a lot of you know about all the predictions about Napoleon, World War II, and now with the War on Terror and some kind of Islamic invasion based on this "Lost Book" which may or may not have anything to do with him (evidence was a little sketchy). The thing is...his ideas got him in trouble with the church...and allegedly had to hide this "Lost Book" away because it talked about the fall of the church, the end of the world, and specifically when it was going to happen. Which really kind of creeped me out...because it's coming up really soon. According to analysis of the text & illustrations, it's when the sun aligns with the 13th constellation of the Zodiac, Ophiuchus, which I didn't even know existed...and aligns with the center of the Milky Way galaxy. The thing is...it's aligned with it right now...until 2012, which is the same year that the Mayan Calender apparently ends. For somebody with some kind of faith in this kind of stuff, yeah it creeps me out a bit. Anyway, keep an eye out for the Anti-Christ.

As for Tesla, the thing that I saw about him basically said that he invented...pretty much everything important in the last hundred or so years...and Edison instead of being a beacon of experimentation and perseverance was a heartless dick who screwed him over on every opportunity to keep his fortune. Nikola Tesla has patents in just about everything concerning electricity, wireless electricity, radio (which he was honored with inventing shortly after he died), soundwaves, death rays (not joking), radar, and probably a few kick-ass chocolate chip cookie recipes. He was also OCD, didn't care for the company of women (unsexual), had a thing with threes (part of his OCD), and basically ended up dying in a hotel room that he spent the last ten years of his life in alone & found several days postmortum. He went through a lot of scrutiny, criticism, and put up with a lot of low-down stuff from Edison and other major industries because he found a better way of doing things that cut into their profits. Like Galileo and other great inventors before him, I can almost hear people during the Industrial Revolution watching him doing these incredible things, saying these fantastical numbers of how much cheaper it is, and somebody yelling out, "He's a WITCH!!! BURN HIM!!!" Why are men of great passion, ideas, ambition, and other great things...always the first to be scrutinized and attacked? Fear of change? Jealousy? Sure he's got a few quirks...but that's why he sees the world differently...and finds these new things. Oh well, he's dead now...but his legacy lives on whenever you...well, do anything electrical...like read my blog. God bless you by the way!!!

My mom got home a little early (apparently she had discussions with a silly old man that she works with and it ended with "Shut the f**k up!!!") so then we went to have dinner at Applebee's along River Road (lots of hot young girls working there by the way) and went to a nearby festival called Alive at Five (not sure what it was for). Basically there was a rock band singing some sort of metal version of popular songs...and a lot of carnival food outlets like cotton candy, kettle corn, and navajo tacos. Then we went to the Mall across the street to see some of these Aluminum Critters, which are lawn decorations / statues made out of recycled aluminium cans...and sold for an ungodly amount of money. Anyway, here are the pictures...

Aluminum Critters

Giraffes, elephants, and monkeys with hats

My mom likes dinosaurs

...and giant cocks.

Well, that'll do it for today. Hope you all enjoyed the pretty pictures and learned a little something maybe. Have a great day & I'll see ya when I see ya. Let me know what you think about the new blog. I know, it's exactly like the old one right now...but it'll probably change. I'm thinking of several different new titles. The Mad Scientist suggests "Dr. Mookie Love II - Electric Boo-Galoo" and I have to admit, I like the sound of it...and I'm always down for roller disco...but I was also thinking of more of a Batman theme for sequels like "Dr. Love Returns", "Dr. Love Forever", "Dr. Love & the Post-Coital Cigarette" (future name of my funk band), "Dr. Love Begins" (probably a look back at my early days), and "Doc After Dark" for examples. As of right now, it's just a generational thing with Junior, followed by the 3rd, IVth, Vth, etc. Open to suggestions though. Have a great day everybody!!!