Your Worst Nightmare... Reviewed

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Over the weekend, Izzy & I watched an American treasure… also known as the original John Rambo trilogy. Now, I’ve watched & reviewed the 4^th installment a few years ago… but this is the 80’s action movie series that relaunched the career of thespian icon Sylvester Stallone. After becoming an Academy Award winner with “Rocky”, following it up with a few commercially successful sequels, but then not really doing anything else decent… his career was at a turning point. Then the story of a returned Vietnam green beret fallen on hard times comes across his desk (after being passed on by just about every actor alive during the time…seriously, read IMDb but some of the names listed that passed or were considered BEFORE Stallone are Pacino, DeNiro, Eastwood, McQueen, Hoffman, Travolta, Newman, Bridges, Ryan O’Neal, James Garner, Kris Kristofferson, Chuck Norris, Nick Nolte, Michael Douglas, etc.) and he had a poignant story about America’s treatment of its veterans, how they adapt to life after the war, and some great action set against the scenic beauty of the Pacific Northwest.

 

From that… a first movie was made… based off a 26^th version of a script adaptation of a novel by David Morell… and originally, the movie clocked in at THREE HOURS!!! That movie… was 1982’s “First Blood” starring the aforementioned Stallone, Brian Dennehy & Richard Crenna (as well as a young David Caruso & Bruce Greenwood in bit parts). Well, the studio didn’t want a three-hour epic… and so the movie was cut in half. How so? Well, apparently the original version went into the whole backstory of John Rambo… probably from high school to being transformed into the “ultimate killing machine” of his days in Vietnam… and even more into the backstory of why the Sheriff of the city of Hope (actually British Columbia but I think it’s supposed to be Washington) resents and hates Vietnam vets… but allegedly they decided that it dragged on too much, was even more depressing & so they start the theatrical version about half way through… where John Rambo is wandering the countryside after learning that the last of his elite team passed away… and he’s just looking for a place to roam & hold onto a job thanks to his PTSD and the nation’s view of Vietnam vets a.k.a. Baby Killers. As he wanders through town, the local sheriff (Dennehy) basically gives him a ride to the edge of town… and tells him to keep walking… and Rambo just turns around and heads back towards town. This infuriates the Sheriff, so he arrests him and takes him to the jail… one asshole officer beats him down a bit while the others watch… and basically he snaps when they’re… trying to give him a shave? Anyway, he snaps, beats some ass, steals a motorcycle, goes into the woods, the police go after him, his former commanding officer (Crenna) shows up to try to bring him in… and sh*t ensues. Check it out! It’s on Netflix… watch it now! Stallone acts his ass off the last few minutes! Death count of this movie? ONE!!! It’s epic though.

 

Now… that being said… Rambo’s kind of a dick in this movie. “What?” Yeah… and he’s not that bright for being green beret. “How so?” Well, master of strategy that he is… when the sheriff takes him to the edge of town, just turns and walks back to town… right in front of the sheriff. Why? Take a few steps in that direction, sheriff turns around and leaves… and then you go back to town to grab a bite to eat off the main road, maybe grab a cot somewhere. Instead… you’re basically begging this hick cop to take you in. Then again, maybe that’s the cot he was looking for & then the other cops roughing him up was what really set it off. Still… easily avoidable. That being said… why were they giving him a shave? Is that a thing? Was that a thing back in the early 80’s? Shaving guys in prison? It seems really weird… but whatever. The movie is pretty damn good… and I recommend that you check it out. I had only seen the first half-hour and the last ten minutes before… and yeah, I’m glad I checked it out. Again, this movie kinda saved Stallone’s career when he was kind of considered a one-hit wonder at the time… and because it enjoyed commercial success…

 

They made 1985’s “Rambo: First Blood Part II” which meets up with Rambo some time later working at a prison where they have guys break down rocks… oh, spoiler alert… he turns himself in at the end of the first movie and goes to jail. There’s a sequel. It’s not really a spoiler that he survives. Anyway, his former CO (Crenna) shows up… and he needs Rambo’s very specific set of skills to infiltrate a Vietnamese POW camp & confirm that they have POWs. This movie is directed by George Cosmatos (“Tombstone” & “Cobra”) and also stars the great Charles Napier as Marshall Murdock, the general in charge of the covert operation… who has all the surveillance technology in the world… but needs Rambo’s badassery. Where the first movie was more of a statement movie on the treatment of America’s veterans… this movie basically goes full balls-out action… and a small part for the great Martin Kove (Reese from “Karate Kid”). There’s even a love interest for Rambo along the way… and it’s pretty fantastic. Fun facts about this movie… co-written by JAMES CAMERON!!! Yes, THE James Cameron cowrote this movie… while he was also writing “Aliens” & “The Terminator”. Another one… originally the Russian general in this movie was going to be played by DOLPH LUNDGREN!!! Of course… it was decided that Dolph was going to be Rocky’s rival in the gestating “Rocky IV” movie out the next year… so instead they switched the role out for Steven Berkoff (Victor from “Beverly Hills Cops”). I would suggest watching this movie too… but yeah, you’re going to have to separate your beliefs just a bit with regards to some things to enjoy it. Death count of this movie? 67… and 57 by Rambo himself. If you’re okay with that though, you will enjoy it… and America did… so then there came…

 
 

1988’s “Rambo III” which at the time was the most expensive movie ever made at $63 million budget… and apparently $12 million of that was used to buy a Gulfstream jet for Stallone to star in the movie… and I’m assuming about half-a-mill was used strictly on “gun butter” for both the weapons and the arms that Stallone was sporting… and his luscious, luscious head of hair. It’s pretty magnificent. Anyway, this movie picks up a few years after the last one… and Rambo has turned to a life of helping Thai monks build temples & attempt to find peace with his life… so of course, Lt. Trautman (Crenna yet again) shows up with Kurtwood Smith (“That 70’s Show” & “Robocop”) to invite him along on a mission… and he declines of course. Well, Lt. Trautman, a man in his late 50’s / early 60’s & not of the best physical shape, goes instead… and gets captured. So Kurtwood Smith then pops up in Thailand the next day and is like “Hey Rambo, your buddy was captured on that mission we invited you to… just thought you should know…” and walks away. Seriously, at this point, I would’ve been perfectly OK with Rambo saying, “Then why the f**k are you here? I told you I was interested yesterday! You sent an elderly man in a covert operation? That’s f**king stupid!” Instead… he asks to be sent into Afghanistan so that he can join forces with the Mujahideen rebels to get Trautman back. What’s that? Oh… I didn’t mention that this happens in Afghanistan & they’re essentially American forces against the Russians in this movie? I don’t see why that’s important nowadays… back then we were thick as thieves with Afghan resistance forces… and I haven’t been in a high school history class lately but according to the last textbook that I read we still are… right? Fun fact: This movie is DEDICATED to the resistance forces of Afghanistan!

 

So… they get him into the country (and he of course doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb at all), he meets up with the resistance, and the rest of the movie is shot like “Rambo of Arabia” if they had a $60+ million budget for explosions & Laurence Olivier looked like a yoked-out bodybuilder with a flashdancer’s Jheri curl. It’s pretty amazing in all the wrong ways… and it’s odd to see the full character & story arc that Rambo goes through from the beginning of the first movie to the end of this one… and just scratch your head a bit. I highly recommend it… and all three are on Netflix now, so check them all out immediately! Death toll for this movie? 108 recorded… 221 acts of violence… and probably more implied in a “Man of Steel” kind of collateral damage.

 

Nowadays though, it’s all about the reboot… and if we were to do that today… who would star in the Rambo Reboot… dare I say RAMBOOT??? Izzy & I had a little discussion… and this is what we came up with. Oh… the story is pretty much the same… well, maybe the countries involved switched around. You know… John Rambo is a veteran of Afghanistan… he tries going back home to Arizona & gets some guff from the local sheriff (and maybe the governor?)… he goes on a journey of self-discovery north… and finds it in the Pacific Northwest… so yeah, the cast of the original story set in Hope, Washington (British Columbia). This is the one that’s going to go for a little bit of that Oscar buzz…

 

Kit Harrington as John Rambo – While watching the trilogy the other day, we were straining to think who could possibly pull off that head of hair that is John Rambo… and of course we could only think of Jon Snow from “Game of Thrones.” Sure, that “Pompeii” movie wasn’t that incredible… but I’m totally down with Kit Harrington as Rambo. He’s young… he has the baby face… he could probably get ripped for the brief nude scenes while he’s hosed down by the cops and subjected to homoerotic hazing by the bigot cop we’re supposed to hate named Gault (played by Mel Gibson cameo?) and then the movie will go on from there where it’s Rambo vs. the cops & the elements… and then the big Oscar scene. By the way, I was REALLY considering giving this role to future Academy Award winner Channing Tatum in a wonderful wig as John Rambeau & setting this in the South… but yeah, I want to bring Jon Snow back from the death of type casting.

 

Kevin Costner as Sheriff Teasle – Speaking of Academy Awards, I want Costner playing the role made famous by Brian Dennehy in the original. He’s a decent cop nearing the end of a long career… and in the name of looking out for his town that’s already seen its share of recession-based unemployment, he notices a man whose brandishing a GIANT F**KING KNIFE to the city lines… but he passively resists… so he has to take him in. Then after some of his deputies (again, Gibson cameo as the weathered bigot Gault?) rough him in the holding cell, hell is unleashed in the form of PTSD Green Beret Rambo… and it’s up to Sheriff Teasle to bring him back in & protect his constituents. I like the idea of Teasle doing questionable things for reasons perceived as right in this complex issue… and Costner can act his ass off when given a proper script/situation.

 

Bryan Cranston as Col. Samuel Trautmann – “And the award for Best Supporting Actor goes to…” American treasure Bryan Cranston as The Man who made Rambo the “ultimate killing machine” during his various tours in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, wherever he was needed by the government. Now, his monster has been set loose on innocent & not-so-innocent civilians alike. Why Cranston? Because he’s a BADASS!!! “But $teve, Bryan Cranston is too big of a commodity now to be in a big budget movie for only a few minutes of screen time… besides, he’d just act the sh*t out of everybody else & it’d just anger the audience.” Somebody has never seen Godzilla…

 
 

Then based on setting all kinds of box office records, there comes a big budget sequel, he’s released from jail to go to a mission in the Ukraine (filmed in British Columbia again?) or North Korea (filmed in British Columbia?) or Columbia (filmed in non-British Columbia?)… but let’s face it, we want the Russians to be the bad guys because of who will be the baddie… and this too shall just be an all-out action royale with lots of explosions & one-liners.

 

Mickey Rourke as Marshall Murdock – Col. Trautman may have recruited Rambo to handle this covert operation… but it’s Murdock who pulls the strings for the operation… and he won’t let you forget it… and he’s seem some sh*t in his day, so he’s not to be messed with. I like Rourke because he looks like he’s seen some sh*t, is a pretty damn good actor & let’s face it… he can probably throw down & do a few stunts. I’ve seen “The Wrestler” and “Double Team.” This role was played by the great character actor Charles Napier in the original sequel… and yeah, I like this pick… so get used to it.

 

Eliza Dushku as Mission Contact / Love Interest Cameo – Mila Kunis, Milla Jovovich & Natalie Portman (apparently she’s of Russian descent?) would have been easy… but I like to go HARD Eastern European… and frankly, I haven’t seen her in anything lately… so if she’s game to take on this acting challenge still, I’m game to cast Eliza Dushku, who you may remember from the Buffy & Dollhouse TV Series… or maybe “The New Guy”… or maybe as the teenage girl in “True Lies”. Let’s be honest… if you’ve seen the original… you know it really doesn’t matter who’s in this role… spoiler alert… it’s short-LIVED!!! If she’s retired or something, then maybe I’ll reach out to Olga Kurylenko (“Quantum of Solace”, “XXX”, “Oblivion”, “Hitman”, etc) to take over.

 

Dolph Lundgren as the General Drago – Ladies & gentlemen, the Rematch!!! So regardless of the location of the covert op… near the start of the 3^rd act, in walks the towering Russian General behind the whole situation… and I’m thinking it’s actually reveals via TANK!!! Anyway, infiltration of base… plenty of explosions… maybe a few hostages are lost along the way (love interest?)… hand-to-hand combat with the big boss… perhaps on top of a MIG… FINALE!!!

 

So yeah… that’s how I’m rebooting Rambo… and I think Izzy’s along for the ride too… now I just need to check with Mario Kassar & Andrew Vajna (not Vajina) to get them to produce again… and maybe Stallone… I almost wanted him to be Trautman but he can’t hold a f**king candle in the same room as Bryan Cranston. Anyway, gonna try to get a body cold or something that I’ve been feeling since yesterday… in the meantime, have a great weekend everybody!!!

The Robin's Next

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Tuesday night, Izzy & I watched a movie called “Outcast” that popped up on our Netflix suggestions. Why? I’m assuming because Nicolas Cage was in it (briefly) but you would know that as the story synopsis involves feudal China in the 12^th century. What’s that? Why is Nicolas Cage in a story about 12^th century China? Why he’s the mentor to Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), duh!!! Oh, he’s in it too… did I mention that? Sorry, I’m still a little scattered from this movie. Shall I start from the beginning? My humblest apologies (the only apologies I know how to do). Our story begins during the Crusades… where two crusaders (Cage & Christensen) have a bit of a falling out during a battle. Smash cut to three years later in China… oh no, the movie does that… it’s not just my synopsis… to where an elderly Chinese monarch is dying… and has a moving conversation with his young son (says he’s 14 but couldn’t be more than 10 years old) and daughter (of not quite banging age, I’m sure) saying that the monarch wants his young son to be ruler… since his eldest son is basically a warlord. Who’s that at the door? It’s the warlord son, RUN!!! So they run… and within… probably three miles of their journey, they stumble upon to a town, are instantly recognized & the story is over. Roll credits. Wait! NO!!! That’s right… opiate addict Anakin Skywalker is in this restaurant where they’re capturing the young son & daughter… and while trippin’ balls, he sloughs a dozen or so elite “black guards” like it’s f**king nothing… and then they run off together. Of course, Anakin (okay, his name is Jacob in the movie) doesn’t want to take them anywhere… but then he has a premonition that this may help save his soul from all the horrible things that he did during the Crusades. What’s going to happen? Watch the movie… it involves Nicolas Cage stroking his beard with a snake looking like Egg Shen from “Big Trouble in Little China” and some decent fighting scenes… it’s pretty gritty though. Basically, if you like stuff like Game of Thrones, it’s not a bad watch. Don’t look too deep into the story or anything though… it’ll just piss you off.

 

My 19-year old cousin Alicia flew in last night & she and Izzy went to the zoo today (so you can catch picks on her blog someday) but since we haven’t done a whole lot yet together… here’s episode #2 of Movies by $teve!!! This edition, is kind of a continuation of last week’s “Rockford Files” casting… so now we cast what was basically the continuation of that series…

 

Magnum, P.I.

(queue that insanely awesome intro music)

 

Plot Summary: Fun-loving Vietnam (gulf war in reboot?) vet Thomas Magnum has turned his very particular set of skills into being a private investigator… and is employed by a ludicrously wealthy author Robin Masters. Magnum lives on the Masters Estate in Hawaii… which is ran by a very strict disciplined man named Jonathan Higgins. It seems that just about every week that Magnum is… well, not necessarily hired for a case… but usually involved in some sort of shenanigans involving gun play, fights with the Yakuza, saving an old Navy friend, an attack on the life of Robin Masters (they didn’t like his latest book?) or some sort of hit squad… and he usually needs to call on his friends TC & Rick to help out. Oh… and he does it all in the tiniest f**king short shorts that you’ve ever used to wrangle a python. Enjoy!

 

Thomas Magnum – Timothy Olyphant – Everybody know that Tom Selleck was the original Magnum. There’s just not a Tom Selleck out there other than Tom Selleck… but he’s 70 years old now. He still looks like he’s in his late 40’s but fun fact: He was 35-43 years old when he was playing the role of Tom Magnum in the 80’s. Let that sink in for a minute… next year is my 35^th birthday. Coincidence? Why do I say this? Timothy Olyphant is 47 years old… looks like he’s in his early 30’s… and was born in Honolulu… so he was a teenager when Magnum was on the air… so he’s basically BRED for this role. That is all FACT!!! He’s also had similar smart-ass action roles… and is taller than most actors at six-foot. Sure there may be bigger draws like Matthew McConaughey (45) or taller actors like Joel McHale (43) but I just like the idea of Timothy getting another shot at big budget movie leading man stuff… and this role kinda suits him. Of course he will have the moustache… and maybe a scene or two in the speedo or short shorts… but yeah, don’t want it to be too distracting.

 

Jonathan Higgins – Gary Oldman – Higgins is the caretaker of “The Robin’s Nest” which is the humble sprawling abode of Robin Masters… and he was a decorated sergeant major in the British Army before joining the private sector and he’s usually joined by his Dobermans Zeus & Apollo. He tells a good “old war story” from time to time… but does not care for Magnum’s lack of discipline or antics… but there’s definitely some underlying respect and/or rapport… but still plenty of witful banter between the two. Though I could see that role going to somebody like Ewan McGregor, Jude Law, or any other British actor out there… but Gary Oldman is a f**king chameleon who can pull off the understated “I’ve seen some sh*t” that underlies Higgins’ character if you want a more dramatic movie. He will also have the moustache… but you should pretty much know that by now.

 

Ted “TC” Calvin – Terry Crews – This former Marine turned tourist helicopter pilot is an old buddy of Magnum… and I can think of a more charismatic, hilarious& chiseled human being to play the part than Mr. AB-DOMINAAAAAAAAAAALS himself, Sir Terance Alan Crews. You may know him from various things like “Expendables”, “White Chicks”, “Everybody Hates Chris”, “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”, “Norbit” and perhaps the greatest role in cinema history, President Camacho in “Idiocracy” but he’s a very versatile actor… and I just want to see him in more things. I almost put him in my “Rockford Files” reboot until I realized the only African-American role in… well, the whole series… would’ve been Gandolph Fitch & Wesley Snipes just needs it more.

 

“Rick” Wright – Mark Wahlberg - His full name is Orville Wilbur Richard Wright… but you can just call him Rick & he is a bit of playboy who manages the King Kamehameha Club (also owned & operated by Robin Masters) but he’s also an ex-Marine and helps Magnum out whenever needed… usually… when it benefits him. Okay… so the first time that I saw the series… I swear that “Boogie Nights” Marky Mark went back in time& played Rick in the TV show… you simply can’t deny the resemblance. Is it racist? I don’t think so… but yeah, Mark Wahlberg as Rick. There really wasn’t even an alternative. Like Vince Vaughn as Rockford in the last one, Marky Mark was born to play Rick Wright.

 

Robin Masters – Voice of Alan Rickman – This mysterious man of mystery who, I suspect, does a LOT more than just write books (I always thought that he was based on Stephen King with Bill Gates money & even more influence) was never seen on camera save for a few shots of his hand holding a glass of brandy on his private jet… but he was voiced by the legendary Orson Welles. I like to keep the mystery as to what Robin Masters looks like… and even really playing with the idea that he’s really Tom Cruise/Ethan Hunt from the Mission: Impossible movies this whole time… but we’ll save it for one of the many sequels. Instead, there are many great actors with many distinct voices that could be used such as Christopher Walken, Jack Nicholson, Jeremy Irons, Liam Neeson, Kevin Spacey, Tim Curry, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Anthony Hopkins, Sean Connery, Patrick Stewart, Jon Hamm, or even legendary voice actor Maurice LaMarche AS Orson Welles… and there’s really no wrong answer in this world. Hell, I’d even try to work out a way that the ghost of Vincent Price was the voice of Sir Masters… but the Voice of God is gonna be my choice… or IS IT? Sigh… yeah… it is… or Maurice LaMarche. Then the big reveal at the end is that it’s actually dame Helen Mirren with a voice synthesizer. Robin’s a sexually flexible name. MAGICK!!!

 

The Bad Guy – Ken Watanabe – The Yakuza usually play a big part in the crime surrounding Hawaii on the show… so it only makes sense that Magnum would be involved in one of the plots. Maybe the Yakuza are attempting to assassinate Robin Masters or something… I don’t know, earn your own keep Hollywood! However, for an actor of Japanese descent, you really can’t go wrong with Ken Watanabe. Yes, there will be a couple (implied) gruesome scenes involving cutting off fingers, making an unwitting American fall on their sword after falling him, all that usual stuff… but yeah, there’s gonna be a lot of gunplay and martial arts in the finale. Also, I have Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson showing up for a brief altercation opposite TC (Crews) at the Club to keep the action going. Maybe a quick bar fight… why not?

 

The Director – Michael Mann – One important thing that I forgot to mention with the Rockford Files is that there needs to be a certain tone & overall feel to the movie which requires a certain touch behind the camera. For the Rockford Files, being heavy on the humor, maybe somebody like Vince Vaughn’s buddy Jon Favreau might be able to do it along with some great thrilling action & storytelling as well. However, for Magnum, I really like the kind of vibe that came when Michael Mann did the “Miami Vice” movie… but perhaps with a bit more humor & banter between the characters. There are definitely scenes in “Collateral” that had that vibe though… and “Heat” is of course legendary… so yeah, I’d be intrigued how Michael Mann would do with a project like this.

 

So yeah… you’re welcome once again, Hollywood! I’m sh*tting out summer blockbusters not based on comic books. Also, tell me that anybody is going to say “no thank you” to shooting a movie in Hawaii for three months minimum? Anyway, something to percolate on… have a great weekend everybody!!!

The Rockford Files: Love 'Merican Style

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

If you’ve read my blog for a few years now… you know that Hollywood needs me. Everything is a reboot of a reboot of a prequel of a sequel… and dare I say that more than half of it just isn’t that good without a few beers in your system. All the while… some great source material is out there that… for whatever reason, Hollywood just won’t jump on to tackle the real issues facing our society… like the Judicial System, Corruption, the role of the Police in Society, Gun Control Laws, and of course Concussion Awareness. It is for that reason, I figured that I would save casting directors in Hollywood some time in bringing forth a story that should… nay, MUST be told… I’m of course referring to…

 

The Rockford Files - Coming 2016

(queue 2^nd season’s funky version of the intro music)

 

Basic plot outline: Jim Rockford is a former felon turned private investigator who lives in a trailer on a beach in Malibu… and it seems about every week he ends up finding a dead body, getting a concussion & then having to solve some sort of crime to avoid staying out of jail for the rest of his life. Helping him along the way are his dad “Rocky”, his best friend/police contact Dennis, apparently the world’s greatest lawyer Beth Davenport… and then there’s his “friend” Angel who 90% of the time seems to be actively trying to put Jim away in jail or get him killed… yet he’s still around because… you know, plot convenience. Anyway, the show was amazing by 70’s & early 80’s standards… won a bunch of Emmys… and the overall feel while being obviously an action series, was also just dripping with humor… and occasionally a few “very special” episodes that spoke out about problems in society. Now, Izzy & I have spent the past few months watching all six seasons of the show on Netflix (and yes, even four of the TV movies that popped up in the early 90’s) so we’re essentially experts in the world of all things Rockford. So with that in mind, here are my thoughts for who should play the key roles in a modern retelling… and of course Izzy helped immensely… so anything that you don’t agree with the choices, blame her…

  

 

Main Characters

 

Jim Rockford – Vince Vaughn – This one is pretty easy… and apparently he’s been part of a project to make a “Rockford Files” movie for some years now… just nobody seems to really care about it except a small group of badasses. Jim is cool as the other side of the pillow… incredibly witty… has apparently f**ked just about every woman he’s ever met… a Vietnam vet (maybe Gulf War in this retelling) whose somewhat physically imposing… but knows when he’s outmatched physically (or they have guns) & then resorts to fast talking, distractions and often horrible fighting… or just making a dash for his golden Pontiac Firebird, pulling a “Rockford” (reverse 180) and getting the f**k outta there. Brilliant, resourceful, but ultimately realistic. I can totally see Vince rocking this role.

 

Joseph “Rocky” Rockford – Tommy Lee Jones - Rocky is a retired truck driver who checks in with his son just about every day to go fishing or do some maintenance to either home. He’s the ultimate old school father who works with his hands, loves his son with all of his heart & questions every decision that his son makes… especially on his seemingly permanent bachelorhood. He also has to conceivably play the father of Vince Vaughn… and have some dry comedic chops. Jones fits the bill pretty nicely. There are plenty of other actors that I would really like for this role ranging from my doppleganger Dennis Quaid (tall, maybe too young & good-looking?) to former truck-driver actor Kurt Russell to somebody like Jeff Bridges… or I really like the idea of Michael Keaton or Steve Martin in a role that doesn’t usually take center stage in the story, but is there for a bit of comedic voice of reason.

 

Sgt. Dennis Becker – Joe Pantoliano - Becker is Jim’s best friend and key contact within the police department to help him out with privileged information, whether information on a case, legality of certain issues, or information like license plates & criminal backgrounds. When they’re not working, they’re usually barbecuing or fishing. He’s funny in a sarcastic sense usually… but his Italian-American mannerisms come out as he’s definitely a force to be reckoned with. He is a good cop after all. In the series, Becker was played by legendary cop actor Joe Santos (“Last Boy Scout” among others) and it’s really one of the highlights of the show. Also, obviously Jon Favreau was considered playing the role being a Vince Vaughn led movie and all… but Becker isn’t there just to be funny… and I don’t want the audience waiting for Jim to say “You’re so money” or something like that. Who else do I like? John Cusack & Steve Buscemi don’t seem like they could be cops… but I like their work. Gary Oldman isn’t funny usually. Mark Ruffalo might work. Josh Duhamel is too distractingly similar to Vince I think… and I basically had to talk myself out of casting Nicolas Cage just because of the mix of the receding hairline & you literally have no idea what could come out of his mouth at any given time.  

 

Beth Davenport – Charlize Theron/Diane Lane – Beth is apparently the GREATEST LAWYER IN THE HISTORY OF LAW!!! Nearly every week, her client / occasional boy toy Jim stumbles upon a dead body or two… unwittingly gets involved in somebody else’s con (“ANGEL!!!”) or involved in some sort of assault… and will barely spend a night in jail while waiting for paperwork to be filed… because Beth is to the rescue… and unlike most lawyers, apparently she accepts payments in sweet lovin’ as opposed to wire transfers. She’s tough. She’s brilliant. She’s gorgeous. She’s a career woman… but she has a soft spot for Jim’s charms… but also, Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn… especially a woman who plays the Law like a f**king violin. Charlize is in high demand since she starred in “Mad Max” and other great flick… so that’s why I have Diane Lane as my 2^nd choice there. Both have that aura of a beautiful, strong, independent, yet vulnerable female. If both are busy… then I’m down with bringing back Ashley Judd or Neve Campbell… but absolutely not Jennifer Aniston… who again I’m sure is who the studio would pick. Nothing really against her… it’s just that I don’t everybody thinking that this is a sequel to “The Break Up” or anything.

 

Evelyn “Angel” Martin – Mel Gibson – Okay, here me out! First off, Angel is probably my least favorite part of the show. If I had a friend like Angel… I would be mourning my friend Angel. Jim met the lifelong confidence man & hustler named Angel during his time in jail and apparently there’s a lot of brotherly comradery based on events that took place in prison. Maybe Angel saved his life a few times from getting shiv’d or becoming property of the Aryan Brotherhood or something like that… I don’t know the details & it’s probably better that way… so I get the sense of loyalty that Jim feels for Angel. We all have friends like that to a certain extent. However, after the first… I’d say dozen times that he acted maliciously in an attempt to get me killed or take the rap for his wrongdoings… I’d dump his ass… or maybe turn him in to my best buddy Lgt. Becker for a decent collar. I’m just saying. Regardless, in this version, I really like the idea of Mel Gibson playing this erratic con man buddy of Jim’s as kind of a step above a cameo. He’s in a few scenes… a few laughs are involved… and he may come into play later in the movie as a kind of wild card member of the team. Is he going to come through for Jimbo? Or is he just going to leave him high & dry in his time of need, or when the going gets hot? Gibson has been on the outskirts of Hollywood for a few years now, but I also really like the idea of a megastar like Tom Hanks or Edward Norton in this smaller role… but I would assume that in a real life version of this movie, Owen Wilson gets the role to get some “Wedding Crashers” reunion going. Here, you be the judge... try to tell which is which...

 

Supporting Cast

 

Lgt. Doug Chapman – Alec Baldwin – Chapman is Becker’s boss… and they don’t like each other… mainly because Chapman knows that Becker is helping Jim to do what he sees as kind of vigilante police work… and that’s just not acceptable. Baldwin has a commanding presence… and some comedic chops & timing if needed. A close second for me in taking this small but vital (for conflict & turning the story) role… Viggo Mortensen. You want a commanding presence who can strike fear in the Hulk (Ruffalo)? Have you seen “History of Violence”? Ooh… Ed Harris would be good too… anyway, the options are there.

 

Lgt. Thomas Diehl – Adam Carolla - Although I really liked the idea of Becker being the breakout acting role for Adam Carolla, unfortunately I just don’t think it’s realistic for me to get it signed off with the studio. However, I think that I can get them to sign off on a 2-3 day shoot with the Ace Man as the stern & angry boss of Lgt. Chapman… who may not particularly care for Rockford… but is okay with him as long as the results are there. Otherwise, in the slammer for interfering with police work like anybody else… stern but fair. You know what, you can switch Carolla & Baldwin for all I care, Hollywood… Carolla as Chapman, Baldwin as Diehl… they’d both be small parts in the movie I would think anyway.

 

Officer Todd – David Duchovny – Officer Todd was the only recurring character on the show that actually dressed like a cop, in full uniform… and he would just kind of show up in the scene, hand off some paperwork to Chapman or Becker, occasionally make a wiseass remark, and then exit stage left. It made me wonder who the actor that played him in the series (Luis Delgado) knew to get that role? Is he related to a producer? Anyway, Duchovny may be a little old to just be a standard officer rank… but then again, maybe he has a history that has restricted him to what amounts to full-garb secretary status. Did he used to date Chapman’s sister? Who knows? Maybe keep it for the sequel…

 

John “Coop” Cooper – Kevin Bacon – Around Season 5 of the show, Jim meets this disbarred Southern lawyer… and he helps him out (while Beth Davenport is off opening her own firm somewhere else?) with both legal advice AND the occasional grunt work. This may be more of a character for the sequel after my movie pulls in $500 million worldwide on a modest budget (mostly stunt cars & retro digs) and then you could pull in a bigger name like Matthew McConaughey in a small role (2-3 days of shooting) or maybe even Woody Harrelson for a larger role… but I’m going with Bacon.

 

Gandolph Fitch – Wesley Snipes – One of the great names in fictional history, Gandy is… a “friend” of Jim’s from the joint. That right there should kinda tell you why I picked Snipes for this role… but he was originally portrayed by the late great Isaac Hayes in the original series. Additionally, they don’t really go into depth about their relationship other than Gandy was a bit of an enforcer while on the streets& even in the joint… and would absolutely destroy people in prison who crossed him… and Rockford was a “friend” of his who felt that he owed him. Do you see what I’m getting at here? I kinda think that Jim Rockford was Gandy Fitch’s bitch in the joint. Think about it… that’s why he constantly refers to him as “Rockfish” too. It gets even more twisted when you realize that Jim ends up proving that Gandy went to jail for a crime that he didn’t commit. What does that mean? The justice system once again f**ked Jim Rockford. Literally. Anyway… I think Snipes would be great for the part even though he’s not a towering figure (especially 5’10” compared to 6’5” Vaughn) but I think it could still work… and since the death of Michael Clark Duncan, the other well-known actors are either Will Smith, too small (Terrence Howard, Blair Underwood, Denzel Washington, etc) but you could also put an mid-40s athlete in there… like Shaq (shudder) or maybe more appropriately somebody like LeBron James (between his other movies) or a towering out of work football player… ah hem… Lawrence Taylor is still around, right? Nah, let’s go with Blade! Passenger 57 in the house! NINO BROWN!!!

Lance White – Matt Damon – Tom Selleck played this role in a few episodes of the original series… and that was the inspiration for Magnum P.I. Fun fact: The Rockford Files basically ended on a high note because James Garner was getting too old to do his own stunts… and nobody else is James Garner… and at the same time, Hawaii Five-O was wrapping up… so the producers basically decided to combine the two to make the 80’s magnificence that is Magnum P.I. Anyway, in the Rockford series, Lance White is… basically the perfect private investigator. He’s tall, good-looking, intelligent, suave, successful, award-winning in fact, a fighter, a lover, a true gentleman in every sense… he even marries a f**king heiress… and he’s so perfect that you can’t even f**king stand him. There are plenty of alternative actors in their late 30’s/early 40’s like Leonardo DiCaprio, Jude Law, Hugh Jackman, Patrick Dempsey, Orlando Bloom, hell… maybe Justin Timberlake or Tom Brady that could come in as the super successful version of Vince Vaughn to irk him while helping him out… but I think Matt would do it with a moustache a la Selleck… and that’s really the selling factor for me.

 

The Movie Plot - Now, I don’t really have the story for the first movie exactly plotted out just yet… but let’s be real, this initial movie will be the starting point for a series on the Fast & Furious level. Typically the episodes / TV movies go one of a few ways. Sometimes there’s a damsel in distress who looks up a private eye in the phone book & sees Jim’s picture so they call him first and they end up crying in his trailer. Honestly, there’s a LOT of episodes that start with “I saw your picture in the phone book” as he was picked at random for some twisted deed. It’s kind of hilarious. Other times Angel will somehow get Jim involved in some kind of con and lets him take the fall… those sometimes involve the Mafia too… the Italian one, not the Gay Mafia. Other times there’s a big evil business man doing big evil stuff (again usually involving the Mafia) or some kind of real estate scam where dead bodies end up. Other times it’s usually a family member of somebody’s suspicious murder where an inheritance is involved (doesn’t sound familiar at all). You can go a lot of different ways with it… and depending on what characters you want to work into the first movie, you can plot it out pretty easily. Maybe focus on the main characters & establishing the world of Rockford with the first… then bring in Gandy for the sequel… and then cap the original trilogy with a little help from Coop and/or Lance White involving some terrorist plot. Escalation!!! Oh wait… as long as the plot is tight & there’s some character development, you don’t need an epic “Heat” style shootout or intergalactic war involved in the movie’s finales. Huh… great box office returns AND saving on budget. That’s why you can cast stuff like…

 

The Bad Guy – TOM HANKS – YES!!! I want Thomas Jeffery Hanks to be the Bad Guy in the first movie!!! Okay, here we go, just off the top of my head… I’m thinking something along the lines of there’s a damsel (played by Elisabeth Shue) who shows up at Jim’s trailer with the story of a suspicious death of her father… Jim would love to help, but it’s an open police case… and he doesn’t do open police cases… besides, he’s got this big fishing trip up at Lake Arrowhead that he’s been planning with his dad. Damsel starts the waterworks… “well, maybe I can help you out a little bit… tell me more…” Damsel lists a few suspects, Jim offers to look into their activites & see if anything odd… “$200 per day plus expenses (adjust for inflation)” He goes to the police station to get some info on the suspects… including one well-respected businessman (Hanks) who’s even on the board that the police answers to… “Rockford, if I catch you bothering Mr. Sprockets I’ll jerk your ticket!” (or some other outdated ambiguous homoerotic threat Chapman often makes) and the story goes from there. Twists & turns, Jim gets knocked out near a corpse, spends a night in the slammer, Beth breaks him out, he gets some “word on the street” from Angel, maybe has to protect Damsel at a motel, bing bang boom, underlying plot threads are unraveled, final confrontation with bad guy… who ends up flying out of a window somehow… SPLAT! Wise ass remarks, quick resolution, drive off into the sunset with damsel in his Firebird… roll credits… top it off with a sequel beg Easter Egg. You’re welcome, America!!! Worst case, if Hanks doesn't want to be the bad guy (with a Walt Disney moustache mind you) then just insert Nicolas Cage, Christophe Waltz or Bryan Cranston... but I like the idea of Tom Hanks being the evil CEO of Bubba Gump Shrimp or something.

 

Anyway, just give me a screenwriter’s credit… More of these to come… you’ve been warned… coming soon… have a great weekend everybody!!!

Make It Happen, Hollywood!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

This last week, Izzy & I watched “Manhunter” starring William Peterson (“CSI”), Brian Cox & Joan Allen among others. For those who aren’t familiar with this movie… it’s from 1986 and was basically the first “Hannibal Lechter” movie. Basically, this movie directed by Michael Mann (“Heat” & “Collateral”) came out… and basically bombed at the box office despite decent reviews. Then it wasn’t until 1991 when Joe Dante’s “Silence of the Lambs” came out & awards followed that Anthony Hopkin’s character Hannibal Lechter became a household name. Then, ten years later, Ridley Scott directed “Hannibal” which was basically the sequel… and then the next year Brett Ratner directed “Red Dragon” which is basically an almost word-for-word reboot of this movie “Manhunter.” Does everybody got that? Good… okay, so in this original telling… an FBI Specialist (Peterson) is called “out of retirement” to help find a serial killer known as “The Tooth Fairy” who is kidnapping & killing women seemingly at random. The killer is incredibly meticulous though… so in order to do find him… the specialist must ask a brilliant & legendary criminal that he put away for assistance… that man of course is Dr. Hannibal Lechter (Cox). From there, the search goes on… now, I’ve seen all four of these movies based on Thomas Harris’ characters… and I REALLY liked this movie. Especially given that it was in the mid-80’s before hard-hitting, suspenseful & intelligent cop dramas weren’t really all the rage (more blast & shoot-up kind of cop flicks) this movie really did a great job. Sure the lead character seemed a little… too lacking in emotion at times… but when it seems more to emphasize when he does show emotion. By the way, Brian Cox as Lechter… though only for like three scenes the whole movie… kinda remarkable. I just love Brian Cox in movies. Period. He’s really good… but will probably never win anything except a paycheck. Now, the movie is not without its flaws (like most movies involving blind people unfortunately) but overall, it’s a great, gritty little flick that if you enjoyed the three newer Hannibal movies, I’d definitely recommend that you check this out. You’ll see that despite the dialogue being almost word-for-word with “Red Dragon” at some spots… it’s a different interpretation. Check it out.

 

Another reboot from the 80’s is the new “Robocop” movie starring Gary Oldman & Samuel L. Jackson. Now… as you know… I’m a HUGE fan of the original Robocop (and to a lesser extent the ridiculous sequels) and director Paul Verhoeven in general. When I heard that they were doing a reboot… I was instantly excited… and then reality set in that it could very well suck. As the little tidbits like the costume design came out… that feeling only got worse. Gary Oldman’s going to be in it? Cool! Samuel L. Jackson? Michael Keaton? F**king BATMAN is going to be in this? ALRIGHT!!! Who the f**k is Joel Kinnaman? Answer: Still pending. Director is Jose Padilha? Never heard of him… what has he done? Oh he’s Brazilian… sigh… okay. Maybe he’s one of these Alfonso Cuaron or Guillermo del Toro guys who knows what he’s doing… I’m optimistic. Who’s playing Robocop’s partner Officer Lewis? Michael K. Williams? That’s a funny name for a chick. Anyway, that was before the movie was released… and then it came out… and then it went away… and then nobody ever spoke of it again. Not a good sign. Okay, now for the movie, it’s set like 10-15 years in the future I think… and basically robotic drones are policing areas in the Middle East… and there’s both a push & a pull to doing the same in the United States… replacing police officers with drones. However, the concerned half feel that drones lack the human emotion & decency required to be a police force (having never met most of those a-holes first-hand I assume). So to find a solution, the creator of the drones (Keaton) works with a renowned physician (Oldman) to create a hybrid cyborg. As luck would have it, a young policeman (Kinnaman) is recently blown the f**k up… so they have a fresh corpse to work with… and viola, you have RoboCop. The original from the 80’s was basically a Jesus-resurrection story ripe with subtle political commentary set to somewhat campy action & one-liners… and this remake was basically a full-fledged piece about using drones overseas. Plain & simple. There were a few lines from the original that carried over (though most were obviously forced in & out of place… and the best one was left out “Bitches leave…”) and the action scenes were kind of cool if not a little on the ridiculous side… I especially liked the training scene with legendary rock track “Hocus Pocus” by Focus playing in the background… but aside from that, the story just really wasn’t that good. The villain was… not very villainy. Red a.k.a. Kurtwood Smith in the original… was a villain. He had presence. I feel like too much was played on the human side of RoboCop and the whole “something else” that was interfering & overriding the controls over RoboCop… which I guess is supposed to be a soul or free will or something… but really it just ended up being a big confusing & unnecessary mess to the story. There were just a LOT of points where I had to stop thinking for the movie… so that the plot could move along… and that was frustrating. Also, I think Sam Jackson showed up for a day or two to yell out a few monologues in front of a green screen the same day he was doing some Capital One commercials… and that was another seven digits in the bank. Good for him… but as the legendary line from The Great Muppet Caper goes “It’s plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.” Anyway, check it out if you want… but I’d rather watch the original for the thousandth time…

 

 

So… a few months ago, I was primed & ready to see two movies on opening day - “The Protector 2” & “The Raid 2”. Both didn’t show here in the entire bay area except I think Raid 2 had one showing during a weekday in San Jose or some ridiculous stuff like that. Regardless, they were still on my Netflix queue… and the first to arrive was “The Raid 2” last week, written & directed by Gareth Evans… and starring a bunch of Indonesian martial artists that you’ve never heard of unless you know the Jakarta movie business pretty damn well. Now, the original “Raid: Redemption” follows an Indonesian cop named Rama with an elite SWAT team as they attempt to take down a drug lord in this heavily fortified 30-story building… and basically the entire movie is a video game with intense fighting & craziness for a little over two hours & there’s really no backstory or plot necessary. Did you see the “Dredd” remake earlier this year? It’s basically that but more exciting & a LOT better for a multitude of reasons. The sequel picks up after the original… sorta. Spoiler alert: They took out the drug lord in the original… but he was small fries… and now the big boys are after him. To protect his family, Rama has to go undercover & infiltrate the criminal underworld himself (don’t ask why?) to bring down the big boys. So that’s that… and the next 2.5 hours is a lot of gritty fight scenes with massive amounts of violence, gunplay, ligament tearing, betrayal, backstabbing, LITERAL backstabbing, facial reconstruction, and basically… they take this “video game” kind of movie out of the building and all over the rest of the city, complete with distinctive boss characters who… frankly probably have a more interesting backstory than any other character in this movie… but they don’t even scratch the surface on them. Probably makes them more menacing… but just an observation. Of course, I enjoyed this movie for the martial arts aspects… and seriously questioned a lot of the plot devices& elements… and I feel like it was at least 30 minutes too long… but hey, if you liked the first one, check out the second one. For a martial arts movie, it’s pretty good & interesting… but obviously if it’s not your thing then you’re probably not going to care for it. I heart Martial Arts movies.

 

How much do I heart them? I watched the directorial debut of Keanu Reeves “Man of Tai Chi” last week as well. That’s right. He directs now too. You know… it’s weird to think that Keanu’s career has gone from the laughable buffoon of “Babes in Toyland” & Ted “Theodore” Logan… to ridiculously quotable action star in “Point Break” & “Speed”… and then has made a career in being absolutely expressionless in ridiculously crazy circumstances for the past 20 years in movies like the “Matrix” trilogy, “Constantine”, “The Day The Earth Stood Still” remake and even really in “Sweet November”, “The Lake House” & “Hard Ball” if you wanna get technical. “Devil’s Advocate” was… sigh… and I even really liked “The Replacements” but… yeah, typically about the most acting you’ll really get out of him was when the three vampire chicks are sucking him dry in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” as he’s trying to scream at Gary Oldman’s hair before passing out / blood cumming. You all know the scene, don’t lie. Anyway, now he’s directing… and even plays the villain role in this movie about underground fighting rings… but it’s the usual Keanu performance of the past two decades. Cold. Emotionless. That intense look on his face… like he’s a robot trying to compute emotion. Seriously, if it came out next week that Keanu Reeves decided to retire in 1997 and since then the studios have been using a fairly advanced robot in his place, would anybody really be THAT surprised? It’d be like finding out Rihanna was a robot… or Drake likes LeBron… like… more than a friend. Anyway, back to this movie, Keanu is not the focus, it’s this guy named Tiger who has mastered the martial art of Tai Chi (wait, what?) and wants to unleash his power upon the world in the ring… but his master says it’s not a good idea. Well, evil mastermind Keanu steps in, forecloses on the temple, and now Tiger has to make some money, Keanu offers him money to fight in his worldwide semi-illegal online pay-per-view gambling conglomerate tournament or something… and Tiger is good… but he fears that there are ulterior motives… and his life may be in danger. If you like martial arts movies & making fun of Keanu, check it out. Otherwise, you’re not going to like it. It’s not particularly well crafted or anything.

 

In this Hollywood realm of reboots, prequels, sequels twenty years late, blatant rip-offs & such… I thought I’d share a few that I’d like to see in the near future…

 

Reboots/Prequels/Sequels that Need to Happen

 

·     Ghostbusters III – This may drop into the sequels 20 years late thing like “Dumb & Dumber To” and with the passing of Harold Ramis, there’s a real odd twist to it all but… then again, in walks Christopher Mintz-Plasse as the son of Egon (or maybe Louis & Janine… with a twist that they used Egon’s sperm?) and a few others with tutelage from the original cast… and boom, you’ve got a good start to a movie. “The script is tricky… and timing for all the actors… and blah blah blah…” please, you mean to tell me if there was a lot of money on the table it couldn’t happen? What has Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Rick Moranis… or even Annie Potts or Peter MacNicol really been up to the past few years? Of all those Bill Murray has been the busiest and… aside from a few Wes Anderson movies, the greatest cameo in history in “Zombieland”, “Monuments Men” and whatever “Passion Play” was… he’s probably got some free time if only for a small role. It can happen… and it should happen. Make it happen, Hollywood!

 

·     Escape From Cleveland – John Carpenter’s classic “Escape from New York” and even the sequel set in L.A. (a few years late?) were all well & good… but both movies referenced events that happened years earlier in Cleveland… and that’s basically the best way to start a Snake Pliskin reboot. Kurt Russell is not necessarily needed (though he has to be involved, right?) but you get a young Snake in there… boom, you have a new badass franchise you can then lead on to New York, L.A., Vegas, Paris, Mars, wherever. You’re welcome!!!

 

·     Captain Power & the Soldiers of the Future – If you don’t know about this show (or the comics it’s based), then find out about it and you’ll join me. Okay, so 30 years ago, there was this obscure Canadian TV show that $teve fell in love with… and was immediately followed by his favorite game show at the time, Animal Crack-Ups. It’s a show set in the future… an evil overlord named Lord Dread (“I AM THE LAW!”), no not that one… but… hmm… Stallone could play the part… anyway, he controls everybody with a robot army… and there’s a human resistance led by Captain Jonathan Power and a collection of others with “super suits” that always seem to not work properly at the most inopportune times. 22 episodes of amazingness… and ends on a cliffhanger… and then never heard from again. The effects were state-of-the-art CGI by 1987 standards (so not really that good & they repeated a LOT) but overall, decent show… and can easily be rebooted nowadays since better graphics can be done on your average smartphone.

 

·     Masters of the Universe – From the same director as Captain Power, this little nugget of 80’s is the movie version of the He-Man cartoons… and it was okay. I rewatched it recently… and it still holds up as kitschy… but since the Conan reboot didn’t really work out as well, maybe we could get one of the Hemsworths in here as Dolph Lundgren 2.0 to play He-Man. Skeletor will be played by… THE ROCK!!! Okay, Dwayne Johnson’s probably busy… but it was played by Frank Langella in the 80’s so it could be played by a hologram & voiced by Vincent Price with today’s technology so we should make this happen. Just leave Gwildor out of this one… and maybe Courtney Cox too…

 

·     Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – I already have the opening few minutes courtesy of a dream…

 

·     The Last Boy Scout – Down-on-his-luck former secret service agent turned private investigator… down-on-his-luck football has-been with a girlfriend’s corpse shaped like early 20’s Halle Berry… criminal conspiracies that seem to go all the way to the top… of the owner’s box. BIG shootout of a finale during Monday Night Football (or whatever it was) that ends in a Irish jig… and then NOTHING??? I don’t know about you… but I’d kinda like to see Bruce Willis & Damon Wayans team up again for another bout of badassery & one-liners.

 

·     Serenity – Everybody’s not going to be young & amazing forever… since nobody is apparently going to commit to an entire TV series… you can at least have a few kick-ass movies following the adventures of the “Firefly” crew (by the way, not a rip-off of Outlaw Star at all) on fantastic voyages across the galaxies. Sure, Joss is out being Joss with Marvel right now but… it can still happen & I think it should. You can only watch the episodes & one movie so many times before you start watching the actors in other shows & thinking “When is Inara going to tell her terrorist husband that she’s been cheating on him with Mal?” or “When is Mal going to tell that detective chick about Inara?” or “Why the f**k can’t I see Kaylee in anything ever?”

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. I’m sure I’ve bored you enough… have a great day everybody!!! MAKE THIS HAPPEN, HOLLYWOOD!!!