Wednesday, January 1, 2014

2013 $tevie Awards

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Well, another year has come and gone… without so much as cab fare left behind… so that means that another round of $tevies should be handed out. While last year’s master of ceremonies Robocop is busy shooting a new movie, the show must go on… and so, ladies & gentlemen… I give you… just me. I’m phoning it in a little bit this year. Why? Eh… it’s just a silly questionnaire thing from way back… and chances are that you know the answers already anyway if you’ve been reading this thing… but here you go.
DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR: Dizzy – We have a NEW champion! After Bubbles sweeping this award the past 5-6 years… there is a new drunkard in my life… and while Bubbles & I still enjoy drinks from time to time… and Jackie D has made a few appearances this year… as well as the Wingman… I really HAVE to give it to the lady that I’m starting up a small homebrewing empire with, right? I mean… come on. You’ve read the blog. We’re always trying out different brews, locations, recipes, and just drinking all the time… but not in the purely alcoholic way (although we’re both pretty mindful of our hereditary tendencies). Yup… she’s totally my new drinking buddy… and she’s basically done after a glass or two anyway so… kind of a cheap date. Easier on the pocketbook that’s for sure.
LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend): The Wingman – My buddy since the 2nd grade Isaiah has also ran the table the past few years… but this Christmas was the first time that I've seen him in about two years… so now the award goes to The Wingman who may have hopped into my life a little later than most… but it’s been a great decade or so & we’ve been on a few adventures of our own. Time to shake up this award I think.
NEWCOMER AWARD: New Roommates? – There’s really not a whole lot of newcomers this year… but I did get two new roommates who have been pretty amazing thus far. One’s a quiet Turkish guy who makes great food made of… I don’t know what but it’s good. The other is a strong-minded Massachusetts girl who eats gluten-free. I smell a sitcom… but until that day, this award will have to suffice.
SONG FOR 2013: "Thrift Shop” by Macklemore – That’s right, there was a Jay-Z AND a Kanye West album this year… but honestly, I preferred Macklemore’s to both of theirs. “Royals” by Lordes was also pretty high on the list this year… but “Thrift Shop” was a favorite of mine back when I just heard it on the radio… and then I saw the video (damn, that IS a cold ass honky, I thought I was hearing it wrong on my radio) and honestly, I just like the message that you can be fly without dropping a bunch of money on clothes as long as you got style… and just because it’s used doesn’t mean that it’s worthless. Recycle, b**ches!
MOVIE FOR 2013: "Gravity" – Yes, many of the “award winners” have yet to be released… but as far as a great movie going experience, “Gravity” from director Alfonso Cuaron gets my nod for movie of the year. Simple premise, great execution, basically it’s everything that it should have been. I’d also like to give a nod to Robert Redford’s “All is Lost” flick which was kind of the same thing. Also, because this is my blog & I have amazing taste in movies… I’m giving the bronze to Robert Rodriguez’s “Machete Kills!” because it’s just my kind of movie… and it’s pretty amazing… and I got to meet Danny Trejo (sorta). Honorable mention to the amazing special effects of “Pacific Rim” which almost overcame a HORRIBLE storyline & acting. Almost.
At this point, I also want to mention… that I don’t understand why all the critics are so high on “Inside Llewyn Davis”. I watched it… and paid full attention to it… and it wasn’t an award winner at all. It was pretty horrible actually. I see all these critic reviews, metascores in the high 90s, people in the media talking all about it for winning best pictures at these film festivals that nobody has heard about… and it was pretty average at best. The music was good… though if I ever hear a song with “Fare Thee Well” in it again my eardrums may literally commit suicide. The acting was good. The story… who gives a sh*t? A struggling artist… okay… he’s an asshole to everybody& that’s half the reason he lives the life of a struggling artist. The other half… NOBODY GIVES A F**K ABOUT FOLK MUSIC!!! That’s like somebody being the world’s greatest tiddlywinks player… but they he has to live on the streets. Why? Because nobody is willing to pay you to play f**king tiddlywinks. It’s a hobby. If you’re not getting paid, it’s a hobby. And if you’re an asshole to everybody, then why would you expect anything more? Can somebody PLEASE explain to me how this is a good movie? Not even a great one… just good… certainly not the best. For God’s sake, I just said that “Pacific Rim” was easier to tolerate.

VIDEO GAME FOR 2013: NBA 2K13 – Yeah, I bought it a year late… but it’s pretty sweet & I thoroughly enjoyed it. Great basketball game & I guess that it has a monopoly in the industry now with EA bowing out. “Grand Theft Auto V” was the only game that I think I bought this year... but I only have a few hours in playing it… and most of that was shooting it up with my brother & my buddy Chris online. I really don’t know anything about the story… but I assume it’s the usual robbing, killing & shooting up hookers or whatever. I also got “Madden 25” but primarily for the NFL Sunday Ticket that came with it… but yeah, from what I’ve played it’s very similar to last year’s winner NCAA Football 13, just with pros… and a year later, but still basically the same. I also REALLY enjoyed the remastering of the Nintendo classic “Ducktales” for the PS3 (and it was like $10).
TV SHOW FOR 2013: Netflix – Yeah, Netflix has become my TV this year… and I’m pretty good with being a year behind as long as I don’t have to pay a sh*t ton a month. Big ups to continuing stories like "Archer”, “Walking Dead”, “Breaking Bad”, etc. I’m sure that eventually Netflix and/or Hulu will get a nice monopoly & jack up their prices for streaming… but in the meantime, I’m enjoying it.
HALLOWEEN COSTUMEWaldo yet again... You’d think that I might be sick of this outfit… you’d be wrong. Maybe next year I’ll try something new but… I honestly don’t give a sh*t about my Halloween costume… and Dizzy seems to enjoy her Carmen Sandiego outfit so they go well together.
RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR: KC Barbecue in Berkeley – One of Dizzy’s aunts suggested this place… so we went one afternoon… and basically for $20 we walked out with THREE meals worth of delicious chicken, ribs, hot links & sides. Sh*t was amazing… and I can’t believe that we haven’t gone back since… but I think we may do that very soon. Also, for fancy restaurants, Parallel 37 at The Ritz-Carlton here was pretty magnificent too… as long as you’re willing to go $$$$ on Yelp. Great “occasion” location though. I highly recommend either depending on your budget.
BOOK OF THE YEAR: “How to Brew” by John Palmer – This book basically helped to get me excited about the world of homebrewing and Beer in general. I’m also not a HUGE book reader… but this was very interesting & I of course recommend it to anybody who is interested in the subject… and I’ll probably reread it for many years to come. Not sure what else can be said about a book with those credentials.

BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD: SFMTA - San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency  - I’m a huge fan of public transportation and the service it provides… but it has also come to my attention that you also control the parking meter maids & various other aspects of that world… so f**k you and everything you stand for. You basically tow at will, without proper cause or reason, and there’s really no legal recourse that can be taken. If I challenge it in a court, you MAY waive the ticket for the cost of another fee… but the towing (which is of course VASTLY more) can never be restituted. Why? Because it’s a form of legalized financial rape. Pure & simple. Is this the only way that the government rapes its funders? Of course not… but this is definitely one of the most prevalent in the city… so next time you meter maids are in the street, watch your six & be careful getting out of your modified moped. People get ran over all the f**king time. Just ask that rich kid in Texas who got away with only probation after killing four & injuring nine when he was three times the legal limit… and is on probation. You know what? F**k the whole “justice” system! You get a $tevie! “Wait, getting a $tevie is a bad thing now?” IT IS WHEN IT’S A LITERAL BAG FILLED WITH DOUCHES, BLOOD& FECES!!! You’re welcome!

BEST RELATIONSHIP: Dizzy – Yep… still hangin’ out with her… dang, it’s been almost two full years now. Amazing that she isn’t sick of me yet… but then again, I AM pretty awesome… except maybe when I’m ranting like two sentences ago…

WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH: Well, I started it in New Orleans with Filly after almost two weeks of Super Bowl & Mardi Gras celebrations… then spent most of it in the airport environment, which is basically horrible… but it ended with me in Dizzy’s bed, so it’s all good. Click here to check out the story of the rose that I got for her too.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR: Homebrewing? – I don’t know… it’s just fun & definitely something that I can REALLY get into. Besides, the side effect is Delicious Beer. There really haven’t been a whole lot of HUGE decision made this year… but yeah… I’d definitely go with that one. Heck, continuing to brew at home may be next year’s best decision too. We will just have to see.

PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR: Last year’s entry was “Keep on doing what I'm doing... only more so... and I've already got a good plan set up to keep it moving...” and that still holds true.
STUPIDEST IDEA WHEN DRUNK: Dang… despite a year involving alcohol almost on a weekly basis… I didn’t get REALLY blitzed at all this year… so no real stupid ideas to report. Trips to wine country, Oktoberfest, beer brewing, sampling at various locations, even Mardi Gras, I didn’t really get completely hammered anywhere. Not going to lie… there were times that I shouldn’t have been driving… but in those instances… I DIDN’T!!! So with that in mind… maybe my stupidest idea while drunk… hmm… Orcat? No… that’s pretty amazing. Oh, you don’t know about that? Stay tuned…

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR: ??? – There really wasn’t a whole lot of change this year. A few new roommates… homebrewing… but yeah, nothing major. I’ve started listening to podcasts. Does that count?
HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR: Wow... such a great year with so many wonderful things going on. There was Mardi Gras & the Super Bowl in New Orleans, birthday roads trips to Gualala & Santa Rosa, Christmas was awesome... but I'll elaborate on that next time... but I'd have to say that my high point of the year was the week or so that I spent in Oregon with Dizzy, C&H, and Chick'n'Wing's family. That's right, Christmas has been dethroned this year too. I'm going with that wonderful week in August in Oregon. Don't remember? Part one and Part two.
LOW POINT OF THE YEAR: Well, I've already elaborated on SFMTA screwing me out of money... but that's sadly a pretty standard thing. It's been a great year... but there have been points where, I realized that I'm not a young buck... and I'm reminded of my own mortality on a fairly consistent basis. This is new to me. Family members dying, health scares, etc... but probably the lowest point was when my coworker lost her eye a few weeks ago. Basically she's only a few years older than me, but went in for a routine checkup, mentioned some trouble focusing on a computer screen, a few tests later, it was a tumor behind her eye. Not unlike the scare that I and my uncle had last year. Well, they did some tests, planned out a routine or whatever & all looked like it was going to be okay... and then she went in, they found that it had grown more than expected, and the decision was to take out her eye. It just... really stuck with me how quick & sudden it was... yet it really wasn't sudden at all, it was a few weeks but... yeah, one week you're perfectly fine... then a few days later you're just going in for a quick fix thing... and then poof, you're a pirate for Halloween every year... which isn't nearly as bad as it could be... but yeah, that compiled with everybody else in my family starting to have health things... just reminded me that I'm not going to be here forever. It's okay though, I just have to enjoy my time here & let those around me that I care about know that I care about them. That's one thing that I CAN change.

BEST HOLIDAY: Christmas... as usual... it's pretty awesome... to be continued...

Last Year’s REAL REAL RESOLUTIONS Review (still in effect for 2014 as well):
  • Date Dammit! – I’m kinda set here for the time being
  • Learn Another Language – Ugh… dammit…
  • Give Up Mountain Dew – Ugh… double dammit… still better than I was…
  • Get Back Into Ballin’ Shape – Not too bad but can always get better
  • Remember JJ – I still haven’t forgotten about ya… though I’m pretty sure she’s forgotten about me
  • Use My Passport – That’s FINALLY coming up in May… cruise to Alaska with Dizzy (best Christmas & birthday present EVER), my mom & stepdad… basically five years after it was renewed
  • Write a Children’s Book – I’m well on my way with making a comic & with being surrounded by artistically talented family & friends, it makes for a great start to my future literary domination! Watch yo ass, Stan Lee!
  • Don’t Sweat the Small Sh*t – I’m still relaxing & taking things as they come…
  • Look for the Next Step – Eyes are open...
  • Survive the Apocalypse – I’m still surviving like a f**king CHAMPION!!! Aaaaaand queue the quake…
Anyway, hope that you all enjoyed this. I've got some laundry & other things to do since I came back from Utah so... feel free to check out some of the links above & I'll catch up on the Utah Adventure probably this weekend... and I'll likely have more adventures by then too. A HAPPY 2014 TO YOU ALL!!!

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