Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Return of Bogi Harrison

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Been a little cold the past few days… but should warm up to normal by tomorrow in time for the weekend. Can’t wait. Work’s been busy… but yeah… three-day weekend followed by two days of work, then a five-day weekend. Boy howdy!!! Here’s some news…

Nevada Update – Oh, the things that make the news sometimes here in the Silver State. The misuse of one little vowel frustrates a lot of Nevadans who get irritated by the mispronunciation of the state's name — using an "ah" instead of "a." Outgoing (and enthusiastic?) Assemblyman Harry Mortenson is proposing more tolerance. The Las Vegas Democrat is working on a resolution for the 2011 legislative session to make the "Ne-VAH-da" pronunciation equally acceptable to the one with the short "a." Mortenson says he's not asking Nevadans to change. He just wants the Spanish pronunciation recognized. Nevadans have long bristled over the issue (allegedly). In 1944, Reno newspapers even scolded former heavyweight boxing champion Jack Dempsey for his "East Coast" pronunciation during an appearance. Oh yes… and there was a war going on during that time, ladies & gentlemen. Look, who gives a sh*t? 99% of the time that you’re referring to the state anyway is that you’re going to Vegas or Reno for the weekend… and nobody thinks you’re going to Las Vegas, New Mexico. I don’t know. I wouldn’t hold my breathe though. I’m still waiting for the Arkansas legislature to process my correct pronunciation of Ar-Kan-Zas. Something about not being a citizen of the state will get you thrown out of a discussion pretty quick. It shouldn’t though. That’s being… State-ist or something. Judging not by the content of my character… but by the location of my home for tax purposes.

Julio Iglesias Married – Since we’re talking about Spanish pronunciations, I thought I’d mention that one of my favorite singers, the great Spanish singer Julio Iglesias (yes, Enrique’s dad) has married Dutch model Miranda Rijnsburger, his partner for the past 20 years. The 66-year-old singer announced the marriage in a statement to Spanish newspapers. The wedding took place at the Virgen del Carmen church in the southern jet-set resort of Marbella. Rev. Roberto Rojo Aguado, one of three priests who celebrated the ceremony, told The Associated Press on Friday that the couple were married Tuesday. He said the ceremony was attended by two witnesses and the couple's five children. Rijnsburger is 45. Iglesias was previously married to Isabel Preysler, with whom he had three children (including Enrique). Just a little tid-bit… and now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to listen to the “Tango” album.

I’m Hear About the Blow Job - A number of Dutch colleges are considering legal action against the publisher of a move-in guide for new freshmen, after the company included an ad recruiting students for jobs as online sex workers. The "Student Information Guide 2010-2011," which was handed out in recent weeks, included an ad offering the chance to earn money by engaging in sexual activities in front of webcams (oh yes, you can get paid for that). Leiden University said in a statement on its website that it had nothing to do with the guide, produced by Mediadam BV, and that it had filed a complaint with the company and was considering further action. Dutch news agency ANP reported on Tuesday that at least two other colleges have made complaints with Mediadam and are considering their options. A Mediadam director told ANP the company acknowledged it had made an error and that it had never stopped to think the guide could potentially be distributed to minors… because seriously, how many Doogie Howsers are there? The thing is… I sold my seed (cheaply) to the University of Utah when I went there to help make ends meet. If there was a way for me to make a little tuition money by shaking my moneymaker online for some creepy dude half the world away while I wear my Don Juan Demarco mask, I’d probably done it. If I were a hot Dutch coed, most definitely. Education ain’t free.

Lennon’s Crapper – Ever wonder where John Lennon thought of his timeless classic songs? Well, my theory… is what was just sold at auction, his toilet. Think about it… Rodin’s “Thinker” statue… is obviously a man on the John. It’s wear all of us greats do our best thinking. Oh yes. My incoherent ramblings would be the next great American novel if I kept my laptop in the bathroom… but with my new webcam, you ain’t getting that show for free. Alas, you get what I remember from my porcelain epiphanies. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. A toilet that belonged to late Beatle John Lennon fetched 9,500 British pounds ($14,740) at auction on Saturday, around 10 times its estimate, the sale organizers said. Lennon, who was murdered in New York in 1980, had the porcelain lavatory removed from Tittenhurst Park in Berkshire, southern England, where he lived from 1969 to 1971, and replaced with a new one. The builders who took away the white and blue lavatory were told to "put some flowers in it or something," according to the auction catalog. Builder John Hancock (the other one) stored it in his shed for 40 years until he died recently and the lavatory was sent for sale, British media reports said. The toilet was among Beatles memorabilia sold at auction as part of the Beatle week festival in Liverpool, the group's native city in northwest England. The pre-auction estimate was 750 to 1,000 pounds. Anne-Marie Trace, who works at the Beatles Shop in Liverpool which organized the sale, said the high price paid had taken the organizers by surprise. "I think it's the most unusual item we've ever had in our auction," she told Reuters. The buyer was not identified but Trace said it was likely it was "going overseas." Seriously, it’s a toilet. Do you think that if Shakira sold one of her toilets that somebody would pay about a hundred times the original cost? Only one way to find out. Sell a toilet seat that has caressed your cheeks & donate the difference to your charity, Shakira. I know I’ve told you that idea before when we were partying in Miami but… this is just proof that not all of my ideas are crazy (like our beautiful children). So anyway, Lennon’s toilet sold for as much as Gretchen did. Go figure.

Frankenstein’s Mugshot - Ohio police say a Toby Keith fan named Forrest Frankenstein threatened them and beat his head against a partition in their cruiser after his arrest. The 39-year-old Frankenstein appeared Monday before a judge who asked why he "went crazy" at the Aug. 27 concert in Cincinnati. Frankenstein replied that he had been drinking and didn't really remember anything (we’ve all been there). Frankenstein, of Hamilton, is being held on $80,000 bond on counts of menacing, disorderly conduct and vandalism. Seriously, what else are you going to do at a Toby Keith concert? They never mentioned why Forrest threatened them. Did the police tell him to calm down and he flipped? Who knows? Who cares? Is his REAL name Forrest Frankenstein? That’s like a horror-porn name… along the lines of Dirk Dracula and the Polter-Gasm (I have screenplays if you’re interested). Did we already play the game with your porn name – where it’s your first pet’s name and the street you grew up on? I forget… but my porn name is Bogi Harrison. Pretty nice, right? What’s yours?

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Have a pretty exciting time of vacation coming up so don’t be afraid if I miss a day or two (like you do anyway). Can’t wait to see “Machete” next week. All the reviews coming in say that it’s campy, bloody & horrible… which is exactly what I want to see. Have a great day everybody!!!

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