Friday, July 23, 2010

Krewe of Boo

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So… pretty big news yesterday. First off, I have a roommate again. A gentleman came over to check out the apartment… and of course, it’s a great deal for this part of town & a bachelor pad & I’m pretty f**king awesome… so yeah, I took him to meet the landlord and start the process. He’ll be moving in at the start of August (right around the time my mom & aunt will be visiting). He seems like a cool cat. Been in the area a few years, his buddy who he lived with is moving out to Tahoe Donner area and that’s just too much of a hassle for him when winter rolls in, Bills fan (so we both despise T.O.) from Lake Placid originally, contractor by trade, appears pretty easy going. Hopefully it works out pretty well. We shall see. So yeah, guess I’d better take down the Craigslist posting. Or maybe I’ll wait until the first check clears…

Also, more big news from yesterday. I’ve officially decided that I will be visiting New Orleans for a week on & around Halloween. Yes, it should truly be epic… and it narrowly beat out San Francisco… but it basically boiled down to the fact that I had some flight credits that were going to expire… and I’ve been wanting to go back for over a year now… and it’s basically a nice way to cash in what would otherwise be a $500 flight. I’m already looking into all the fun stuff that we (Filly, myself & her friends) will be doing. Filly tells me that she knows a great karaoke place (and wants to sing “Bad Touch” with me among others), great food establishments, and because of her connections with her jobs, we will be taken care of by the haunted mortuary & carriage rides through the French Quarter. Also, there’s the Krewe of Boo Halloween Parade, and even a Boo at the Zoo at the Audobon Zoo, which oddly enough… in all my journeys to the Crescent City, I have yet to experience. Another big thing… that I’m kinda looking into… is that there’s a Sunday night football match at the Superdome on Halloween night between the defending world champion New Orleans Saints… and the 6-time Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers. The only catch? Filly couldn’t possibly care less about football… oh and the prices I’ve been finding are about $200 a pop for nosebleeds (on that note, still looking for great tickets to the 49ers – Eagles game on 10/10/10 but may find some this weekend). So yeah… it should make for an incredible week… but I’m forgetting the most important thing of all – What do I wear? How will Dr Love portray himself during this most incredible collection of eccentric costumes in the Big Easy? I honestly have no idea. Sure, I could go with Chewbacca again… and Filly’s offered to modify it to be Frank the Bunny (from “Donnie Darko”) but there are just so many options… and I’d hate to hide this handsome face behind a bulky mask. Other suggestions were a gladiator (more like the world’s tallest, skinniest sumo wrestler) or Don Juan DeMarco… and I could definitely pull that off… but I’m not allowed to grow facial hair due to my work (I know, right?). We shall see. Perhaps I will keep it a surprise as well… but suggestions are gladly considered, so please – What should $teve dress up as for Halloween in New Orleans?

Last night, I watched a vampire movie called “Daybreakers” starring Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe & Sam Neill. Now, you know how I feel about vampire movies nowadays… and that they’re all whiny pissy dramas… but this one had a little twist. Basically it’s set ten years into the future, and for the last decade, vampirism has spread like a virus… and now 95% of the world’s population is vampire. Okay, so they’re in control. There’s a catch though. They’re running out of their most precious resource that gives them… well, un-life – human blood. They can’t feast on each other, animal blood just doesn’t do it, and they have yet to find a substitute… and time is running out before all chaos ensues (think if everybody in the world was starving & had superpowers). One hematologist (Hawke) wants to find a cure to vampirism… and meets up with some humans, including one who used to be a vampire (Dafoe). However, the government is hunting all of them down… and the CEO of the blood bank (Neill) has other plans. Why cure it when you can just medicate it? Yes, this story is ripe with metaphor about politics and the human condition… but I would still highly recommend it. The story is told in a very convincing way (as long as you can accept certain realities of course) and even the mood and tone and coloring really put you into this world. I will warn you though. I found the ending to be a little… ridiculous, but hey, it all has to do with the metaphor I’m sure. Go check this movie out. Especially if you like vampire movies. Anyway, here’s the news… free of vampirism outbreaks… for now…

Brad Pitt is a Zombie!!! – That’s right, forget vampires. Zombieism is what’s really spreading like wildfire… but the good news is that it may free up Angelina on the singles market. Okay, maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Brad Pitt is officially attached to star in the film adaptation of Max Brooks' "World War Z" for Paramount Pictures and Plan B reports MTV News. Set a decade after a virus has turned much of the planet's population into zombies (not vampires), the story follows a journalist interviewing subjects from around the world about their experiences during the 'zombie war'. The book fuses elements of political satire, war and survival horror as it explores how various nations, governments and individuals respond to the crisis. Paramount has also apparently optioned the movie rights to two more of his projects, including "The Zombie Survival Guide" and "The zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks." Marc Forster ("Quantum of Solace") has been attached to direct. A few years back, I attended a seminar conducted by Max Brooks with an ex-girlfriend… and it’s truly one of my fondest memories. Why? Because I found out that I wasn’t the only crazy person with a bunch of crazy friends who have thorough (though possibly far-fetched) plans intact in case of a zombie apocalypse (this was before I was certain of the serpent apocalypse). This could be a pretty good movie. I mean… Zombieland was awesome. Now just throw in Brad Pitt instead of that neurotic kid… and boom!!! Blockbuster, right? We shall see. By the way, for those of you who don’t know, Max Brooks is the son of legendary comedic filmmaker Mel Brooks (“Young Frankenstein”, “Robin Hood: Men in Tights”, “Spaceballs”, etc) so now you know… and knowing is half the battle… especially against the brain-starved zombie hordes.

Orlando Bloom is Not Gay!!! – (allegedly) Actor Orlando Bloom and model Miranda Kerr have married, her employer said Friday. Upscale Australian department store David Jones, which employs the 27-year-old Australian model as a fashion ambassador, said she will not attend a Spring season launch on August 3rd because she was honeymooning with the 33-year-old British star of "Lord of the Rings" and "Pirates of the Caribbean." "Given the exiting news that Miranda and Orlando have recently wed and will be enjoying their honeymoon together, Miranda will not be with us" for the launch, David Jones spokeswoman Colette Garnsey said in a statement. The statement did not say where or when they had married. David Jones would not be commenting on personal aspects of the announcement, that statement said. Kerr said she would continue to work for the store. "I am enormously grateful to David Jones to have been given this time to enjoy such a special moment of my life. I look forward to coming back to Australia in the near future to celebrate with family and friends," she said. "David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together," she added. Kerr first met Bloom backstage at a Victoria's Secret lingerie fashion show in New York in 2006. They began dating in late 2007 and confirmed their engagement last month. However, the question remains… really? My gay-dar must be WAY off because… seriously, unless he’s a guard at the Vatican wearing that sh*t… or he lost a bet or something… you know what, I’m not convinced. I’ll report that he’s married to a Victoria’s Secret supermodel but… that is all. Next story… perhaps something more manly…

Machete at Comic Con – That should do the trick. Robert Rodriguez loves Comic-Con, but the San Diego Convention Center is just too limiting. So the filmmaker decided to unveil his new movie, "Machete," on a street corner instead. Rodriguez showed about seven minutes of footage from the film at an outdoor party Thursday night that featured free tacos and margaritas, scantily clad dancers, a dozen tricked-out low-rider cars and a graffiti wall (and sombreros for all!!!). Stars Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez were on hand for the celebration. The film also stars Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson and Lindsay Lohan among countless others. The seven-minute clip was sexy, bloody and action-packed. In one scene, Alba puts out an attacker's eye with a stiletto heel. Giggidy!!! In another, Trejo's character slices open an opponent's stomach and rappels down a wall with his intestine. To which Robert said, "The human intestine is 10 times longer than the human body. True fact." It is. The writer-director said "Machete" is a film of and for the fans, who clamored for a full-length movie after seeing a trailer in 2007's "Grindhouse." "I was never going to go beyond the trailer." The film focuses on Trejo's character, Machete, a renegade who's fighting against corruption in the United States and Mexico. Robert Rodriguez wrote the part for Trejo, his first starring role in a 25-year career. "No matter where you go, there's always going to be corruption," Robert Rodriguez said. "So you almost have to create this superhero that can solve a problem that we find unsolvable ourselves." "This is the first Latino superhero," said Michelle Rodriguez (no relation?), who sports an eye patch in "Machete." Arrrrgh… Lohan plays a pistol-packing nun in the movie. Repeat: Former friend of the blog and recovering alcoholic Lindsay Lohan plays a super hot servant of Christ who packs heat. The director said her character has "a really great, surprising arc." Hopefully of her back. "I was playing with icons a lot in this. She was already so iconic in one way, I thought, 'How can you play with that, play with these images in pop culture?' And everything that's going on with her now only fuels that even more." "Machete" opens in September. $teve will be there to show his support. Comic-Con continues through Sunday. I will more than likely not be there… though I don’t have plans this weekend… so we shall see. It has been a while since my last trip to San Diego (two moves to two states ago). Machete sounds like my kind of movie… and now if we can only get Rob Zombie to make “Werewolf Women of the SS” starring his wife, Udo Kier, Jurgen Prochnow and of course… Nicolas Cage as Doctor Fu Manchu!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Saw This Coming? – In other Comic Con news, the "Saw" horror movie franchise is getting a place in the Guinness World Records as the "Most Successful Horror Movie Series," one of the film's producers, Mark Burg, said on Thursday. "I'm still in shock. The fact that we beat out (such horror franchises as) 'Friday the 13th,' 'Nightmare on Elm Street,' 'Halloween' and 'Texas Chain Saw Massacre' is a testament to our cast, crew and our partners at Lionsgate." (and how ridiculous ticket prices have gotten) The franchise consists of six movies, each one having come out consecutively every Halloween since 2004. The seventh, and final, installment (until prequels & reboots pop up in a few years) is due out October 29th and will be featured in futuristic 3D. Collectively, the "Saw" films have made over $730 million at the worldwide box-office and sold more than thirty million DVDs, according to distributors Lionsgate. The films centre around a killer named Jigsaw who puts his victims through psychological torture before killing them. Burg said it was during the production of "Saw 2," that the producers decided to "etch out" one long story spanning seven films. Therefore, after the seventh movie, called "Saw 3D", there will be no other movies, including spin-offs or prequels. Really? "We are done; this is it. We don't want to be that boxer who fought one too many fights." Really? Don’t think I won’t bring this back up WHEN you do. Burg said the seventh chapter was always "anticipated" by fans as the final one. Really? "In every 'Saw' movie, we left questions open and in this movie we answer every question the audience has ever had," Burg said, adding that even new viewers will be able to follow and "get caught up to speed." (“Previously on Saw…”) The Guinness presentation will take place at San Diego's Comic Con convention on Friday. London-based Guinness Editor-in-Chief Craig Glenday will be on hand to present the award to the film's producers. Congratulations to everybody involved!!! I like the Saw movies. Sure, they’re primarily a way to capitalize on the audience’s obsession with gore & violence… but there’s at least a decent plot (sorta) and an underlining creepiness and moral to it all (allegedly). As for a horror gore-gy slasher flicks go, they’re pretty good. We’ll see if they don’t try to make more of them though. I obviously have my doubts. Really.

Judge Dress Reboot – I mean… if they try to reboot “Judge Dredd” what’s next? Pootie Tang? ($teve fondly dreams of a world with more Pootie) New Zealand actor Karl Urban ("Pathfinder" & Bones in the new "Star Trek") is reportedly set to play "Judge Dredd" in the upcoming film reboot of the British comic reports Bleeding Cool. Unlike the previous film starring Sylvester Stallone, Urban's handsome face however will remain hidden as the iconic visor and helmet of the law enforcement officer will not be removed at anytime in the film (true to the comic… but may prove awkward for the mandatory love scenes). Pete Travis (“Vantage Point”) directs from a script by Alex Garland (“28 Days Later” & “Sunshine”) which is said to hew closer to the darker tone of the comic book (so don’t expect Rob Schneider to pop up, probably more cannibals & zombies). Shooting will take place in Johannesburg this year for a 2012 release… so don’t wait up.

My Own Reservation – People often tell me that I live in my own wonderful dream world. That very well may be true. I mean… just take into account my frame of reference, if I believe it, then it is so… but don’t worry, I’m not going to get into a whole philosophical discussion with you just yet (though I’ve found over the years that it is a great way to f**k with stoners & have them question everything from their existence to whether they’re gay for God). Instead, I’m going to talk about a man who really tried to stretch his way through a loop hole that doesn’t really exist to get what would be easier for him. My kind of BS’er. An Ohio man who claimed that his American Indian ancestry makes him exempt from city nuisance laws has been ordered to clean up two homes that have fallen into disrepair. I know. When I read city nuisance laws and American Indian heritage, I was expected rain dances in loincloths and ritual sacrifice too. A judge told William Bowersock on Thursday that he has 30 days to take care of the properties in Lima (LY'-muh). The judge rejected Bowersock's argument that he had seceded from the local government and formed his own Indian reservation, thereby making him exempt from the city's property code. Yup, he said it with a straight face too. Bowersock says he thinks the city is singling him out (yeah, because they’re your properties) and using selective enforcement of property codes to harass him (I’m assuming he’s trying to pull the race card). Judge Richard Warren said city officials have given Bowersock years to address the nuisance problem and that the rights of the city and Bowersock's neighbors must be protected (citing both city ordinances and Manifest Destiny). Look, you know how I feel about Native Americans getting screwed over… and not just because my Ottawa heritage makes my skin color the faintest of pinks either. However, does $teve Comes with a Thunder claim his home to be a sovereign two-acre nation in the middle of suburban Ohio? No. Though maybe when I stop renting & actually “own land” that might change. I grasp the key principles of the White Man’s laws. For example, I know that I first have to petition and file a lot of paperwork to get my property sanctioned as a reservation before I can claim for it to be officially be one, until then, it’s just another couple of houses in a neighborhood… and if my place smells like ass (peyote would be generally acceptable) then I have to respect those around me. Hey, that’s why I wear clothes. I respect others around me who may not want to be distracted by my hot body and wreck their cars or have impure and/or unfaithful thoughts. Well, that and anybody who’s walked around in the nude before knows that mosquitoes go directly to the warmest part of your exposed body and… well, you know. Anyway, I like that you at least attempted to find a loophole and play the race card and all… but good luck fixing up your property, Mr. Bowersock. Keep up the good fight.

On that note, I think I’ll call it a day. I’ve babbled on long enough about movies, roommates, future vacations and the like. Still no idea what I’m going to do this weekend but next weekend is mama’s visit and also a new roomie moving in. Should make for an interesting and fantastic time. Any suggestions on what I should do? Eh, I’m sure I’ll find something… or someone. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

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