Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
As predicted, this 700th post is going to be a big one. Why? Well, because I've officially applied for the position in Lake Tahoe that...basically I already have correspondence going with the hiring Boss Lady B who wanted me to notify her the moment I applied, already had the first interview with her a few hours later (nailed it) and have the next one scheduled for tomorrow. So yeah...now I should start packing or something, right? No? Maybe wait a few days until something official is offered...since I'll have at least 30 days to evacuate this apartment thanks to management? You're probably right. Just thought I'd share that with you before I go into the news for the day...of which is also pretty good stuff involving three major guilty pleasures of mine - Action movies, Megan Fox, and fellatio. Enjoy.
True Grit Remake - Matt Damon and Josh Brolin are in talks to star in the Coen Brothers remake of the classic western "True Grit" according to the trades. A closer adaptation of the original Charles Portis novel, Damon would star as a lawman who teams up with U.S. Marshall Rooster Cogburn and a fourteen-year-old girl to help find her father's killer in Indian territory. Brolin would play the killer. Then who's set to reprise the role of Rooster made famous by THE John Wayne? The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges is already cast to play Cogburn, the role that won John Wayne an Oscar in the 1969 original. Filming begins next March for a late 2010 release. Is anybody else excited for this movie? Coen Brothers? The Dude? True Grit? Yeah, it should be pretty good...but then again, there's another action movie around the corner that just makes nipples inflate with anticipation.
Expendables Update - Writer / director / star Sylvester Stallone has spoken a lot more to Entertainment Weekly about a pivotal five-minute scene in "The Expendables" featuring him, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's right, they're going to be in this movie too...that already stars Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren and just about anybody else who has ever starred in an action movie. Anyway, the church-set scene has Willis’ nasty antagonist summoning Stallone’s macho mercenary to finally meet him face-to-face, take measure of him, and possibly hire him for a death-defying mission of taking out a South American dictator. But just as the meeting gets under way and smartass smalltalk is made, in walks another killer-for-hire, Stallone’s longtime rival, who Willis has also invited to this job interview - Arnie (Dutch from "Predator" maybe?). Stallone says "We [him and Schwarzenegger's characters] have a history together. And we go back and forth and I tell him that I should have shot him a long time ago when I had the chance. Then it goes on from there. And here we are, the three of us trying to man up to one another, playing off of who we are, using our baggage in this one scene." So the Planet Hollywood trio come together for a scene in this movie. Awesome. I ugh...just can't wait. Yes, I'm aware that these guys are in their late-50's, early 60's...and quite frankly I don't care. Seriously, how old was John Wayne when he won his Academy Award in True Grit? Anybody? 62 years old!!! And let's face it, Marion Robert Morrison was a badass...but he wasn't packing guns like Arnie, Sly & Bruno. He was wearing a handkerchief most of the time. I swear I had a point that I was trying to get at here. Oh yeah, something like it doesn't matter how old you are, what size you are, how funny you talk, or anything like that. If you've got the balls & ambition & Passion to achieve your dreams...then you can do it. And I seriously can not wait to see this movie. Will it be violent? Absolutely. Will it be cheesy? You bet your ass. I look forward to the one-liners exchanged between all of these leading men. It'll be like the Dirty Dozen of the new millennium. Y'all enjoy your New Moon...and it's back-story of the girl being caught in a love triangle with two dangerous men just because they're cute, not based on the content of their character (which I truly believe is detrimental to young ladies out there...and a supremely stupid story). Me: I'm going to watch a bunch of men from all nationalities join forces to protect innocent people and stand for Truth, Justice & the American Way...which may or may not involve some female nudity.
Megan Fox Update - Megan Fox has been robbed!!! No, not by another awards show for her portrayal of Who-Gives-A-Sh*t-She's-Hot in that one movie about the thing. Rather Megan Fox, her sometime boyfriend Brian Austin Green and former “High School Musical” star Ashley Tisdale were among the celebrity “victims” of a gang of mostly teenage girls who allegedly burglarized a host of star residences, Los Angeles police said on Wednesday. A few days ago, the District Attorney’s Office filed residential burglary charges against four of the suspects named so far in the case. Courtney Ames, 18; Alexis Neiers, 18; Roy Lopez, 27; and Diana Tamayo, 19; were all arrested last week and remain free on bail with the exception of Tamayo who is still in custody. Rachel Lee, 19, who was also arrested last week, has not been charged, pending further investigation, the DA’s Office confirmed to Access Hollywood. Authorities said they have issued a warrant for the arrest of a man named Jonathan Ajar on firearm and drug possession charges. Ajar, authorities said, has been identified as an alleged participant in some aspects of the case. An LAPD Captain at the press conference held on Wednesday said the suspects “utilized technology and various Internet resources to track the calendars of high profile celebrities” in order to commit the crimes. The LAPD said there are a total of seven suspects. As for the victims, the celebrities targeted include Audrina Patridge, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson, Ashley Tisdale, Brian Austin Green, Megan Fox and Orlando Bloom. (So...basically all girls? Oh and Brian was incidental) In addition, two are non-celebrities (more if it's up to debate, who the hell is Audrina Patridge?). Authorities also said they have not connected the suspects to the recent Kourtney Kardashian burglary incident earlier this month. Authorities said the value of property stolen is “in the millions of dollars,” with the lead detective estimating the amount at over $2 million. The LAPD detective said they first became aware of a ring of residential burglaries with celebrities as victims in late 2008. However, my question is...what was stolen? Electronics? Teen Choice Awards (obviously not Oscars)? Or maybe something with a little more...umph? Sex tape collections? Undergarments? Mmm...well, I'm just gonna dwell on that one for a second...but the important lesson here is that crime doesn't pay. The market after the fact is where the pay comes from...unless they stole cash...then that's cutting out the middleman. Congratulations to the LAPD for making the news in a good way...and catching a bunch of teenage girls. I'm sure the TV movie is already in the works...hmm, possibly starring some of the victims. I could see Rachel Bilson as a scrappy leader. I mean...what else is she going to do? Jumper sucked. Anyway, I hope these thieves are brought to justice. Perhaps we should start taking donations on behalf of these celebrities...because most of their careers are pretty much over anyway...
As predicted, this 700th post is going to be a big one. Why? Well, because I've officially applied for the position in Lake Tahoe that...basically I already have correspondence going with the hiring Boss Lady B who wanted me to notify her the moment I applied, already had the first interview with her a few hours later (nailed it) and have the next one scheduled for tomorrow. So yeah...now I should start packing or something, right? No? Maybe wait a few days until something official is offered...since I'll have at least 30 days to evacuate this apartment thanks to management? You're probably right. Just thought I'd share that with you before I go into the news for the day...of which is also pretty good stuff involving three major guilty pleasures of mine - Action movies, Megan Fox, and fellatio. Enjoy.
True Grit Remake - Matt Damon and Josh Brolin are in talks to star in the Coen Brothers remake of the classic western "True Grit" according to the trades. A closer adaptation of the original Charles Portis novel, Damon would star as a lawman who teams up with U.S. Marshall Rooster Cogburn and a fourteen-year-old girl to help find her father's killer in Indian territory. Brolin would play the killer. Then who's set to reprise the role of Rooster made famous by THE John Wayne? The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges is already cast to play Cogburn, the role that won John Wayne an Oscar in the 1969 original. Filming begins next March for a late 2010 release. Is anybody else excited for this movie? Coen Brothers? The Dude? True Grit? Yeah, it should be pretty good...but then again, there's another action movie around the corner that just makes nipples inflate with anticipation.
Expendables Update - Writer / director / star Sylvester Stallone has spoken a lot more to Entertainment Weekly about a pivotal five-minute scene in "The Expendables" featuring him, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's right, they're going to be in this movie too...that already stars Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren and just about anybody else who has ever starred in an action movie. Anyway, the church-set scene has Willis’ nasty antagonist summoning Stallone’s macho mercenary to finally meet him face-to-face, take measure of him, and possibly hire him for a death-defying mission of taking out a South American dictator. But just as the meeting gets under way and smartass smalltalk is made, in walks another killer-for-hire, Stallone’s longtime rival, who Willis has also invited to this job interview - Arnie (Dutch from "Predator" maybe?). Stallone says "We [him and Schwarzenegger's characters] have a history together. And we go back and forth and I tell him that I should have shot him a long time ago when I had the chance. Then it goes on from there. And here we are, the three of us trying to man up to one another, playing off of who we are, using our baggage in this one scene." So the Planet Hollywood trio come together for a scene in this movie. Awesome. I ugh...just can't wait. Yes, I'm aware that these guys are in their late-50's, early 60's...and quite frankly I don't care. Seriously, how old was John Wayne when he won his Academy Award in True Grit? Anybody? 62 years old!!! And let's face it, Marion Robert Morrison was a badass...but he wasn't packing guns like Arnie, Sly & Bruno. He was wearing a handkerchief most of the time. I swear I had a point that I was trying to get at here. Oh yeah, something like it doesn't matter how old you are, what size you are, how funny you talk, or anything like that. If you've got the balls & ambition & Passion to achieve your dreams...then you can do it. And I seriously can not wait to see this movie. Will it be violent? Absolutely. Will it be cheesy? You bet your ass. I look forward to the one-liners exchanged between all of these leading men. It'll be like the Dirty Dozen of the new millennium. Y'all enjoy your New Moon...and it's back-story of the girl being caught in a love triangle with two dangerous men just because they're cute, not based on the content of their character (which I truly believe is detrimental to young ladies out there...and a supremely stupid story). Me: I'm going to watch a bunch of men from all nationalities join forces to protect innocent people and stand for Truth, Justice & the American Way...which may or may not involve some female nudity.
Megan Fox Update - Megan Fox has been robbed!!! No, not by another awards show for her portrayal of Who-Gives-A-Sh*t-She's-Hot in that one movie about the thing. Rather Megan Fox, her sometime boyfriend Brian Austin Green and former “High School Musical” star Ashley Tisdale were among the celebrity “victims” of a gang of mostly teenage girls who allegedly burglarized a host of star residences, Los Angeles police said on Wednesday. A few days ago, the District Attorney’s Office filed residential burglary charges against four of the suspects named so far in the case. Courtney Ames, 18; Alexis Neiers, 18; Roy Lopez, 27; and Diana Tamayo, 19; were all arrested last week and remain free on bail with the exception of Tamayo who is still in custody. Rachel Lee, 19, who was also arrested last week, has not been charged, pending further investigation, the DA’s Office confirmed to Access Hollywood. Authorities said they have issued a warrant for the arrest of a man named Jonathan Ajar on firearm and drug possession charges. Ajar, authorities said, has been identified as an alleged participant in some aspects of the case. An LAPD Captain at the press conference held on Wednesday said the suspects “utilized technology and various Internet resources to track the calendars of high profile celebrities” in order to commit the crimes. The LAPD said there are a total of seven suspects. As for the victims, the celebrities targeted include Audrina Patridge, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson, Ashley Tisdale, Brian Austin Green, Megan Fox and Orlando Bloom. (So...basically all girls? Oh and Brian was incidental) In addition, two are non-celebrities (more if it's up to debate, who the hell is Audrina Patridge?). Authorities also said they have not connected the suspects to the recent Kourtney Kardashian burglary incident earlier this month. Authorities said the value of property stolen is “in the millions of dollars,” with the lead detective estimating the amount at over $2 million. The LAPD detective said they first became aware of a ring of residential burglaries with celebrities as victims in late 2008. However, my question is...what was stolen? Electronics? Teen Choice Awards (obviously not Oscars)? Or maybe something with a little more...umph? Sex tape collections? Undergarments? Mmm...well, I'm just gonna dwell on that one for a second...but the important lesson here is that crime doesn't pay. The market after the fact is where the pay comes from...unless they stole cash...then that's cutting out the middleman. Congratulations to the LAPD for making the news in a good way...and catching a bunch of teenage girls. I'm sure the TV movie is already in the works...hmm, possibly starring some of the victims. I could see Rachel Bilson as a scrappy leader. I mean...what else is she going to do? Jumper sucked. Anyway, I hope these thieves are brought to justice. Perhaps we should start taking donations on behalf of these celebrities...because most of their careers are pretty much over anyway...And we can't just let Miss Fox go naked all the time...
I'm sure there's a good reason why, I just can't think of it
Ladies... - When they do their thing, female Chinese fruit bats add oral sex to get the males to prolong the act, scientists now find, suggesting the behavior confers evolutionary benefits (besides the obvious). Oral sex, or fellatio, is often used in human foreplay, the researchers noted (having read about it in books), but rarely seen in other animals. As such, there have been few evolutionary reasons given for oral sex to date, and fellatio is largely thought confined to humans, although juvenile members of the chimpanzee-like bonobo do it for play (I just remembered a great name for a band). Now scientists find the short-nosed fruit bat (Cynopterus sphinx) routinely engages in oral sex, the first time fellatio has been seen in adult animals other than humans. The researchers argue the act likely has evolutionary benefits ("It couldn't hurt"). Scientists at the Guangdong Entomological Institute in Guangzhou, China, and their colleagues investigated bats they captured at a nearby park. Although bats comprise the second largest order of mammals at more than 1,100 species, little is known about their mating habits because of their nocturnal lifestyle and their often-inaccessible roosts. The researchers were originally expecting to watch behaviors such as grooming or the construction of tents from Chinese fan-palm leaves...but that sh*t gets boring after a while. "We did not expect fellatio in fruit bats at the beginning," said researcher Libiao Zhang, a biologist at the Guangdong Entomological Institute in Guangzhou, China. "We were also surprised at how often it occurred." (Aren't we all?) The investigators took digital videos at night of the bats having sex, (think a cross of the Dark Knight & A Night in Paris) with males keeping a tight grip on the females' firm behind...er, sorry FROM behind by holding thumbs on the females' wings clamping down with their mouths on the females' necks (See? My way was sexier). Naturally, the bats copulated hanging upside-down (oh yes, naturally). Intriguingly, the female lowered her head to lick the male penis during 14 of 20 copulations recorded on video (those are pretty good odds). The licking typically went on for some 19 seconds, or roughly one-twelfth the average time of copulation. The male never withdrew from the female when she performed fellatio (duuuuuh). An explicit video of the act, produced by the researchers, is here (Go ahead, you know you wanna look). The researchers found the longer the fellatio went on, the longer the bats often had sex, with each second of licking adding roughly six extra seconds of copulation (not a bad ratio). The bats spent almost twice as long copulating when oral sex was involved than when not. "It was difficult to provide some hypotheses for the function of the fellatio behavior," Zhang said. "We held many meetings to discuss the functions." (I'll bet you did) Prolonging sex might increase the chances of getting pregnant by aiding transport of sperm and stimulating female glandular secretions, they suggested. It might even help prevent sexually transmitted diseases from the male to the female by killing germs with saliva, so while the male may enjoy the act, the female ultimately benefits. Just something to think about ladies...but honestly, I think it works the other way around with humans...based on my experience anyway. I guess it's just...you get what you give...and if not, then come see Doctor Love.Fortune Cookie of the Day - "You Will Find Comfort in a New Relationship...in Bed" - That's right ladies. The Cookie may be talking about you too. You have the number.
Anyway, that'll do it for today. I'll be sure to keep you posted on my future in Lake Tahoe...or wherever else the Fates will take me. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to continue this research into the mating rituals of Chinese fruit bats and see if I can find some of Megan Fox's panties on eBay. Have a great day everybody!!! Happy 700th Post!!!
May not be a bad thing to move in the winter...
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