Wiseman Says Only Fools Rush In

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I have some sad news to report. I started off the interview yesterday with flying colors. The interviewer was asking me the typical interview questions…and I was smooth & eloquent in my responses, staying away from my over-confident pompous nature…but still letting him know that I knew my sh*t. Then he asked me about my current job and why I'm looking to transfer…so I was honest and explained that I had been interested in his department before…but was looking for something a little more hands-on and personal with the customer in my career…which is exactly what his focus on that department was. He asked me what I thought "vacations and how they can change someone's life" and I busted all over his face like a Jackson Pollack painting…well, over the phone.

Basically, interviewing bullsh*t is like breathing to me…but again, I didn't need it for this one. I could tell over the phone that this guy wanted nothing more than to get me signed up and on his department's team as soon as possible. He knew that he was getting an over-qualified gem to fill basically an entry level position with his company. Hell, I was more qualified than he was…and he knew it…he had the resume. Then he made the mistake of asking if I had any questions for him…and I said, "What're you wearing?" I don't know why. Instincts maybe…but I was just admiring myself in my Barcelona green suit with lavender shirt off a reflective surface and was curious what the dress code was…but maybe I should've rephrased the question a little bit. Anyway, after that, there was an eerie silence on the phone…so I thought maybe the connection was lost (I was on a cell phone). "Hello, can you hear me?" "God, I hope not. What…what was that question again?" "What are you wearing? Like…what's the dress code there?" "Oh. It's ugh…business casual. You know, collared shirts, stuff like that. Nothing major." Okay, so that didn't really happen at all. I just wanted to mess with you guys. Happy April Fool's Day. The interview lasted…about fifteen minutes…and I was magnificent in every single way…and he offered me the job on the spot…and at the maximum wage possible. I accepted it…and he's aware that I'm looking elsewhere…but he was just like "I'd be thrilled to have you on my team…but I understand the circumstances…so just let me know what you decide as soon as you know." So yeah, I officially have a safety net back home. See? Less than a week and no need to worry about me.

That being said, I went to the gym last night for a few hours (basketball, weights & Spin class) and then got home, just kind of glanced around the apartment…and it hit me. It took a week to finally sink in, I guess…but I was being fired…and as of now, I'm basically taking a step back in my career…and I'm all alone in the big city…and I haven't had a real relationship in three years…and I smell funky (did just get back from the gym & hadn't showered yet) and I'm going to have to move…and I'm going to miss my apartment…and I’m overqualified for the job that I'm probably going to have to take…and then Bubbles called and told me that she wasn't going to be able to stop by my first weekend of unemployment…and a lot of people have been asking me about my plans…and I get their looks of pity…but I reassure them that I'm going to be okay…but instead of going into the whole explanation, to save time I just want to say "I got f**king fired and now I'm going to the highest bidder…like a hired gun in the Old West. Know any takers?" and so I basically broke down for a few seconds…and there was tears (first ones about the whole situation) and then my mom called asking what hotel she was staying at in LA last night…so I reminded her…but I kind of snapped at her…so she said she'd call me later…so then I felt bad because I snapped at my mom…so I apologized a little later when she was at the hotel and we talked for about an hour…and of course, by the time that was done, I was fine and had let out a good cry. I'm over it now. I know what needs to be done…and I know that I'm incredibly blessed in just about every single possible way. It just kind of all caught up…and it probably didn't help that I had spent the last two hours at the gym, basically attacking the rim, universal machines & bicycle…and hadn't eaten in about eight hours. So yeah, that was yesterday. An interesting mix of highs & lows…though everything was just about what I expected it to be. In like a lamb, out like a lion or something like that.

I've also been getting everything in order for the California trip starting tomorrow night. As of now, I'm hoping that Lilie gets over her cold so that we can have fun at Disneyland & Knott's Berry Farm over the weekend. Also, the Wingmans may be meeting up with us for the last few days down in San Diego. On top of all that, I'll be going with my mom, aunt & cousin everywhere. It's good to have a 12-year old with you when you go to places like Disneyland & Legoland. It makes you seem, less creepy than a good-looking single guy just aimlessly wandering around a children's theme park & super excited about the smallest things. "CINDERELLY, CINDERELLY!!! Can I have my picture taken with you? Oh man, I dropped my Goofy hat, would you mind picking that up for me?" Snap a picture. "Thank you. Say hi to your stepmom for me." Okay, so I'm going to be a little creepy regardless…but I'm going to have fun…and that's what the police report will show. Who knows, maybe I'll make my own blog in a news story as the man who was caught climbing the Matterhorn…or swimming down the log ride without a log…but I'll be sure not to drink the water.

A few nights ago, I watched "What Just Happened?" which was directed by Barry Levinson and starred Robert DeNiro, Bruce Willis, Catherine Keener, Stanley Tucci, Sean Penn, Robin Wright Penn, John Turturro, and Kristen Stewart…yet I'm sure that you've probably never heard of it. Well, it's a semi-independent picture from a smaller label than usual…but it's basically a story about a big time Hollywood producer (DeNiro) and his everyday life of dealing with prima donna actors (Willis & Penn as themselves), their agents (Turturro), executives (Keener), his ex-wife (lady Penn), his daughter (Stewart), directors, therapists and everything else…and just how the Hollywood machine is about making money and what happens when people try to bring art into it. It has its funny moments…and has a valid point. It's based on a book by a former producer (forget the name) so yeah, it's an okay movie. Not entirely enthralling…but if you're interested in the movie making process like I am, it's kind of interesting. Then again, if you just like to see blockbusters with conventional characters, big explosions, witty sidekicks and the happy ending, then this may not be the flick for you.

Last night, I watched another one of my favorite classics (I was having a bad day). It was the 1953 romantic comedy "Roman Holiday" starring Gregory Peck and the lovely Audrey Hepburn. It's about a bored and sheltered princess (Hepburn) who's on a goodwill trip across Europe and is making a stop in Rome. She basically escapes from the embassy and wanders the streets at night…but because they gave her a sleep aid shortly before she attempted this, she gets woozy and rests on a bench in the middle of the city. Along walks by reporter Joe Bradley (Peck) who sees this young girl alone, asleep on a bench…and of course, takes her home (okay, so it was after trying to find out where she lives & she's speaking gibberish about living at the embassy). Anyway, the next morning, she's still sleeping and he has to go to work to interview the princess…but she's fallen "ill" and he sees a picture of this princess…and realizes it's the girl laid up in this apartment. SCOOP!!! So he spends the day with her and they see the sights of the town, all while he's just trying to get a story…but then something happens in the magic of the Eternal City…and they start to fall for each other. Yet they have these terrible secrets that they can't tell the other who they are…so what shall they do? What will happen? Rent the movie and find out. Great flick.

Basically, while I was watching the movie this time, I was just watching and remembering my two trips to Rome (and my romance novel that I wrote about the Pope to entertain Heater a few years back) and how blessed I have been to experience all these wonderful places & cultures in my life. When they were checking out the Coliseum, scaling the Spanish Steps, strolling past the Fountain of Trevi, putting their hand in the Mouth of Truth, I even recognized a few of the streets they were on…and where the bridge over the Arno River where the barge dance was…and I thought of not just Rome…but all the other beautiful cities that I've seen around the world like Florence, Venice, Naples, Athens, Paris, Giverny, Cannes, London, Edinburgh, Shanghai, Xian, Chengdu, Beijing, Salzburg, Engelberg, Barcelona, Munich, Montreal, Toronto, Niagara Falls, Miami, New York, New Orleans, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Washington DC, all over Florida, Denver, the Black Hills of South Dakota, Boston, San Diego, Memphis, St Louis, Dallas, San Antonio, Las Vegas (like a dozen times easy), all these wonderful places that people dream of going to…and I've had the privilege of seeing them…and feeling them…and just taking in all they have to offer. However, I have yet to experience a place like this with somebody special in a romantic setting. I haven't been with my princess on any of these trips. Sure, I've been to these places with my mom, family, friends, coworkers and had a great time with all of them…but I've yet to have one of those magical vacations where it's just me & my lady, wandering the streets at nights, sharing our little inside jokes, having a romantic dinner at a quaint little cafe with good wine, sharing the awe of natural beauty, witnessing incredible achievements of human dedication & perseverance and thinking "You know, we can do anything…as long as we do it together" and all of that usual lubby dubby stuff. It never fails. I'll travel to a place like Niagara Falls…and just be in awe of the majestic beauty surrounding me…and I'll think "I wish I could share this with somebody" and I'll glance around at all the couple celebrating their 30th anniversary and stuff like that…and I'll think "F**k you and your happiness." Okay, so I don't really think that. Just checking to see if you're still reading my gibberish. It's really more along the lines of "That's sweet. Geez, for me to have a 30th anniversary, I could meet the perfect girl tomorrow…and it still wouldn't happen until I'm into my sixties. Sigh…"

I'm not worried though. I believe in all that Fate and Love and all that…so I know that lucky girl will find me someday…or I'll find her…and then we can jet set across the globe…and share those memorable kisses under the Eiffel Tower or whatever…and fall in Love…and raise a family…and age gracefully into the Golden Years together…and all that other stuff…or it won't. Whatever will be, will be. I've got faith though…so we'll see. New adventures all the time in the world of $teve, so I'll just keep you posted…unless it gets a little too steamy and people ask for discretion…but that really hasn't been necessary yet. Who knows? Maybe I'll meet some Cali girl that's impressed by my child-like giddiness and silly smoothness. Stranger things have happened. I mean…Jim Carrey's with Jenny McCarthy. Think about that one for about…three seconds. Hot, right? Anyway, have a great day everybody!!! Thanks for listening to me ramble on about whatever.