Next Year... Next Year...

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Last night, I had a little Team Outing that consisted of a few drinks at Local Edition, a speakeasy-style bar on Market Street… and it was pretty good. The drinks were decent for being the usual ten bucks a pop for what equates to about 4-5 ounces of liquid, maybe 2 ounces of it alcoholic in nature. It was very dark inside… had a old timey newspaper “on the low” kind of theme but very swanky… and the waitresses had large bosoms that they subtly flaunted so… yeah, not bad. I stayed there for a few hours chilling with the coworkers, some flying in from out of town (they usually work remotely) so it was good to catch up. Then I got some food at Del Taco & headed to a bar to watch the Spurs lose Game 7 of the NBA Finals to the Miami Heat. Sum’bich…

 

My beloved Spurs were so close just a few days ago… but that’s why you play the game. It took a miraculous comeback in Game 6 & then holding off the great teamwork of the Spurs in Game 7 (both at home by the way) but congratulations to the Miami Heat. You guys get hated on… a lot… and a little deserved at times… but yeah, not nearly as much as you’ve been getting. You have a great team there… and the Spurs have a great team… and it’s always good to see good teams playing for the championship. Kudos to both!!!

 

NBA 2K13 Update: I was wondering why everybody else got these regular game type numbers like 30 points a game & because I was only playing 5 minute quarters, my 12-13 wasn’t really holding weight. Well, I found where the simulated games can be adjusted to 5 minutes… and so with a fair slate, I won Rookie of the Month & am slowly but surely climbing the ranks of not only the rookies but the league (considering I still haven’t quite figured out the free throws & all of the controls). Also, the Bucks are on an eight-game winning streak right now after we had a rough patch. I think we’re #3 in the East right now. Brandon Jennings (ball hog) is an MVP candidate & I’ll be joining him shortly. I’ve even won about a half dozen Player of the Game awards now. Good times… and the game’s still kinda fun… though I’m kinda regretting going with the “All-Around SF” from the start… but hey, now I know better for the next go around. Here’s some real news…

 

Wanted: Jester – It’s not a joke. An Austrian hotel is advertising for a modern-day court fool, who is communicative, extroverted, musical, creative and imaginative. Applicants are asked to bring & play their musical instrument during the job interview. Also welcome: creative costumes. The successful candidate will earn 1,400 Euros (around $1,900) a month, which really isn’t bad for a struggling artist. Hotel director Melanie Franke says those interested should not think they're on a fool's errand in applying. She says the idea is to treat guests like royalty, noting that "jesters were a luxury that royal families indulged themselves in." The hotel in Austria's Styria province was designed by famed Austrian artist Friedensreich Hundertwasser and Fraulein Franke says the jester concept fits its hotel's colorful appearance. Fun fact about the article above & embedded… IT DOESN’T GIVE THE NAME OF THE F**KING HOTEL!!! Seriously, what the f**k is wrong with “journalists” nowadays? Sorry media… but you keep f**king up… I don’t want to call you on it… I HAVE TO!!! Anyway, sounds like a fairly sweet gig, right? Wear ridiculous outfits, act a fool, play a little lute, make ‘em laugh, using that German that you last used nearly 15 years ago, what’s not to like?

 

Bacon Update - A family had a close encounter with a bear while celebrating Father's Day during a camping trip in Wyoming, NBC-2 reports. The Kelly family had a relaxing Sunday morning breakfast, but apparently they didn't clean up as well as they initially thought. Two staff members of the camp came to warn the Kelly family that a bear was close by, and that's when 11-year-old Baden Kelly sprung into action. Baden began screaming in order to get the bear's attention. He was able to distract the bear long enough for most of his family to run into a nearby cabin. However, his little sister Moriah, perhaps due to the shock of the situation, didn't run. Via NBC-2: "I said, 'Run, Moriah,' and she didn't run, so I got to her and I started running with her, and that's when the bear started running after us," Baden said. "By the time it got to about 10 feet behind us, my brother [Logan] came running really fast out of his cabin and shouted very loudly." Baden told Fox13Now.com that he "was scared because of Mariah and she’s just little, she wouldn’t have been able to fight for herself. So I had to make a choice and do that.” Logan's hard-charging bravery and Baden's refusal to leave his sister's side led to a happy ending for the family. Mom Kamila Kelly told NBC-2 that Moriah gave all the credit to her two big brothers. "The moment I saw Moriah being brought up by the staff, it was just such a relief, and she jumped into my arms and said, 'Baden and Logan saved my life,'" she said. Dad Brandon Kelly expressed his pride in his two boys. "He is definitely a hero, both of our boys are heroes today," he told Fox13Now.com. And even though many people would rethink their camping hobby after a face-to-face encounter with a hungry bear, Baden's enthusiasm for camping didn't appear to be waning. "I love camping, I love the outdoors, it’s just the experience," he told Fox13Now.com. "It’s something that can make you stronger." Great job kids! Of course, if this story had turned just a smidgen, then we’d be talking about the genocide of bears in national parks… but whatever, it’s all how you spin it. You may be asking, “$teve, why was this a bacon update if you just talked about crazy redneck kids saving their sister?” Well, according to NBC-2, a bit of bacon grease was still on the campground grill… and that was what drew the attention of the bear to their camp. That’s why! Speaking of breakfast foods…

 

 

That’s Some Good Sh*t!!! - Coffee snobs can now take it to a whole new level. The world’s most expensive (and extremely rare) cup of java, made from beans extracted from the excrement of a small animal, is ready to reach a broader audience. Hold it… I’m gonna let you think about what you just read for a moment… that’s right… let it sink in… you now may have access to the world’s most expensive coffee… that has already been passed. The Kopi Luwak coffee originates on the Indonesian island of Sumatra and is famously "produced" by the Paradoxurus, a relative of three breeds of civet, a slinky mammal that looks like a cross between a cat and a mongoose. When the Paradoxurus eats coffee cherries, the beans leave the digestive system more or less intact. The beans are then gathered, cleaned and roasted. Why exactly, nobody’s quite sure. Think about the guy who originally had the idea. “Holy crap! I’m going to clean & roast that cat-weasal thing’s poop. That oughta wake me up in the morning!” Amazingly, a cup of Kopi Luwak typically costs about $90. Or you can pick up a pound of the beans for around $1,000. To get a cup typically requires an appointment with one of the small number of establishments that carry the exotic blend. Is it the unusual and labor-intensive process that drives up the price? Or is there something truly, well, unique about the taste of this coffee, which was once referenced in reverential terms on the The Oprah Winfrey Show? The coffee website Funnel Mill describes Kopi Luwak as a "coffee ... said to be like no other. It has a rich, heavy flavor with hints of caramel and chocolate. Other terms used to describe it are earthy, aromatic, sweet and exotic. The body is almost syrupy and it is probably the smoothest coffee known to mankind.” Again, they’re describing coffee that comes from the feces of an Asian marmot. Now, the website Touch of Modern is offering a limited run of Kopi Luwak that, while not exactly cheap, won't break the bank: You can pick up a bag of Kopi Luwak Arabica for less than $30. Buying three 150-gram packages of it will set you back about $600. So, what do you think? Would you spend $600, or even $30, to try the world’s most rare and expensive coffee? Now’s your chance… but do it quickly… because…

 

Apocalypse Update – We now go to the murky depths of… Pennsylvania… for the next story.  Philadelphian Joe Malseed saw a 18-inch alligator last week in the city's Fishtown neighborhood and snapped its photo before calling for help (of course). He says the alligator was in a puddle and appeared to be emerging from a nearby sewer. So then he called animal control authorities to… offer the gator aid. Hahaha, yes… it’s a horrible pun… but it had to be made. Joe says the young gator was docile until a man tried to get a closer look and it hissed. Police took the reptile to the city's Animal Care & Control Team. The reptile has been named Allie-Gator (see? Now my Gatorade joke ain’t so bad). The animal control team said Wednesday despite the name it hasn't determined the alligator's gender because, "Who's going to do that job?" My guess: Somebody with BALLS!!! Where’s Mike Rowe when you need him? Anyway, Allie-Gator will remain with the team until a permanent home is found… since there’s not enough of her for a decent belt or shoes or anything. Why is this a sign of the coming Apocalypse? Because there was a f**king gator not only north of the Mason-Dixon Line (read a history book or the latest Rocky movie) but that it was walking the streets of Philly. Imagine when the full grown ones start rising from the sewers. BEWARE FELLOW EAGLES FANS!!!

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight. Going to a luau party to celebrate the solstice… and one of Dizzy’s friend’s birthdays… so that should be a lot of fun. Have a great weekend everybody!!!