1000th Post FINALLY!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So... it's here... the 1000th entry. Yes, I know that the past hundred have taken like two years to do... but yeah, my bad. So how am I going to blow this b**ch out of the water? I have no idea. I REALLY wanted to post my original masterpiece of Panda Porn that I've been teasing you with for years... but as you know, I haven't been able to find it... and hence have not been invited on Tosh.0 for a Web Redemption & film tasteful pornography for the entire kingdom of animals... but alas I can not find the original. However, I do have the original footage still... and can probably find a system to piece it together. It was regretably easy to write, direct, edit and... kinda star in... but yeah, that won't be today. So how will I disappoint you more today? Well, I could do some movie reviews... to start... here we go...

First up, Dizzy & I watched "The Hunger Games" last weekend... and it stars Jennifer Lawrence & Donald Sutherland... but it's based on books that I never intend on reading... and after watching the movie, it only further confirms that. I'm getting ahead of myself though. Basically, in the future (from what I can gather having not read the books & the movie refusing to explain the plot on its own despite being 2.5 hours long) there are 12 districts, where District 1 is the shining utopia of the 1% and it goes down to District 12 which are the... I think farmers of dirt & makers of young child laborers. Anyway, every year, they randomly pick a boy & a girl from each district to be placed in a horrible environment full of weapons & deadly creatures reminsicent of Survivor meets the Truman Show... and they battle to the death until there can only be one winner, to whom they bestow riches. Basically it's what Survivor should be... except they just randomly capture children to go Thunderdome on each other. Why? Rating, b**ches! So in District 12, they pick a girl... but her sister (Lawrence) volunteers so she doesn't have to go to die. Along the way, the sister is trained by Woody Harrelson (yeah, he's in the movie) to be a killing machine, even against the higher districts fully trained warrior children... and frankly, I'm going to stop right here.


This movie pretty much sucked. I get the whole saving your family from dying by volunteering, then giving it your best shot, so the story is not the main problem despite the many questions as to why this is a real thing. I'm sure plenty from every district would just volunteer (much like high schools in every district in America have kids volunteer for football & MMA everyday) so that's not it. The movie was just longer than it needed to be... dragged on & on... I swear the death/burial scene for one character towards the end took 20 f**king minutes for no reason, she only had 2 minutes of screen time before that... the ending just kinda happens... there's just... no point to the movie. Watch at your own risk. If you've seen it, you know what i mean.

Next up was a little better, which is surprising for a horror flick... but it's "Cabin in the Woods" starring Chris Hemsworth & Richard Jenkins. Basically, your typically five friends go to a cousin's cabin in the woods for a weekend getaway by the lake... and that's basically all I'm going to leave you with other than... it's written by Joss Whedon & director Drew Goddard apparently (I checked afterwards)_, which explains how it's actually pretty awesome. I highly recommend this flick. Go check it out now!!!

Aside from that, this weekend Dizzy & I are going to Truckee... oddly enough, to hang out at her aunt's cabin in the woods... and I think there's actually going to be five of us... I wonder if I'm the big dumb jock in this Scooby Doo esque setup. Anyway, if there's a hatcher murderer or werewolves involved, I'll be sure to send you pictures. Happy 1000th entry everybody!!! I'll keep you posted on the Panda Porn... Coming Soon... all over your face...

Yes... Post Number 999

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yes, it's no joke... been doing this a few years... and this is post number 999 aka the Hanging Upside-Down Sign of the Devil that you see in really bad movies. The Devil in the mirror... and most importantly, the one before the end of the first THOUSAND entries. Yes, if these were compiled into books... I'd probably be somewhere on volume 8 or 9 of my memoirs. Okay, so most of the stuff is about movies, sports, news clips & the like rather than my personal gibberish... but still... it'd make for a great conversation collection on your reading nook. Conversations around the world would start amongst friends with "You read this sh*t?" "Of course I do... and I'm raising his child." Alas, here is the updated from the last week...

Last weekend, Dizzy & I went to a Chilean Independence Party at her friend's apartment in the Inner Sunset. Good times were had... and we drank beer, pisco sours (some type of South American brandy mixed with egg whites & sugar) and they (Dizzy mostly) made homemade empanadas. Here are some pictures...

The work week was... more of the same. A lot of work... apparently enough pay for it... and then the afternoons I caught up on Daily Show & Colbert Report. It's my news. Deal with it. It's not the only news I watch... but it's the only news I enjoy to watch... because there's nothing like facts with a dose of hilarious reality.

Saturday, Dizzy & I went to the Superhero Street Fair in the Mission / Portero Hill / Industrial Park area near Cesar Chavez & Indiana. It was pretty cool. People were dressed up, there were vendors selling artistic goods (we may have a booth at these kind of events soon), dance beats were being belted out by overweight white guys in costumes, 21st Amendment Hell or High Watermelon Wheat Ale was pretty delicious, there were exhibits of reclaimed art (made from trash), human hamster ball races, good times. Here are pictures... of us... dressed as Special Agents Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, FBI...

Afterwards, we headed to Chinatown for the Moon Festival for more crafts, a sh*t ton more people, and basically we had lunch at the dim sum buffet (chicken claws included this time, not impressed at all) and I don't even have any pictures. You may want to check Dizzy's blog for those.

Saturday night, we watched a marathon of "Prophets of Science Fiction" on the Science Channel including H.G. Wells, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein & Philip K. Dick. Sh*t was amazing... I highly recommend it. Basically the shows are about how these sci-fi writers "predicted" technology & it's effect on people... which in all reality was basically showing that they studied human nature & could make deductive reasoning... but still, very interesting. Go check them out. George Lucas and a few others are on the queue but haven't gotten to them yet.

Today, I watched football... and had I thought about it, I might be doing a live blog thing about it like I did last year... but hey, maybe next week... if you're lucky... cuz I'm kinda hilarious. So yeah... next entry will be 1000. Fun fact, here are the numbers of posts per year since I started this thing... and you tell me if there's a pattern in my free time...

2007 - 195 (started in May)
2008 - 309
2009 - 206
2010 - 176
2011 - 75
2012 - 38 (this is number 38, in late September)

Have a great day everybody!!! TECHNOCRACY!!!

Utah Trip - Steve vs Dinosaurs

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, last week was my triumphant return to Utah for a few days... so here's how it went down. Dizzy & I flew in last Wednesday night after work & not much happened that day, pretty uneventful. Thursday, we hung out with my dad a while as he called into work (allegedly was a little ill, but I think he just wanted to see me a bit), then we met up with my brother, niece & nephew to visit... the George S. Eccles Dinosaur Park. You may remember a lot of this place from my visit a few years ago... but here are some more pictures to go along with it...

After hanging at my brother's for a few, and meeting up with my buddy Chris, we went up to my mom's house to spend the night in the Fortress of Solitude. Friday morning, we went to the Shooting Star Saloon in Huntsville for some breakfast burgers...

The plan then was to meet up with my brother & head out to the desert for my mom's family reunion (one of 17 children of grandparent age... so HUNDREDS in attendance) but it didn't quite work out that way. Why? Well, my brother wanted to bring our Odyssey that I haven't driven since junior high... and he drives a station wagon (Dodge Magnum, which is about the coolest station wagon there is... but let's face it, station wagon). So... after attaching the trailer hitch, balancing the trailer so it didn't fish tail, we started the 3 hour drive to the reunion site... around 9 PM instead of noon. Oh well...

Saturday & Sunday were spent primarily in the desert having a good ol time with the family. There was booze, 4-wheeler riding, family videos, a raffle to raise funds for the plot of land, good times.

Monday, Dizzy, my dad & I went to the Museum of Ancient History... a fairly new dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point... and it was pretty amazing. We watched Dinosaurs Alive! 3D as well, narrated by Mr. Jack T Colton himself (Michael Douglas). Here are some pictures...

Tuesday, Dizzy & I went to Temple Square to show her probably the most famous attraction of the city...

Then we boarded our flight & flew back to Oakland, obviously catching little colds along the way... because airplanes are rotten sess pools of disease & despair. Anyway, that's about it... work has been super busy since I got back... and they may never let me leave again... but hey, I had fun & frankly don't give a sh*t. By the way, have you heard about DMX getting back into some headlines by dissing Drake? Yeah... I'm hoping for a battle of some sorts (lyrically of course) because the world needs more DMX shooting off at the mouth. Have a great weekend everybody!!!