Friday, August 5, 2011

Zombie Noir

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The past few days have been pretty good. Been watching “Nip/Tuck” with my roommate Nurse & we’re both basically addicted to it now… even though it seems that all of the characters are complete narcissistic idiots with delusions of grandeur & the inability to keep a secret… but hey, drama comes from secrets & doing stupid sh*t. It’s been proven. The kid who tried to circumcise himself though… I just about vomited. In fact, I’ve got to stop watching that show when I’m having dinner. There’s a reason that I’m not a doctor. Cutting into people just isn’t my idea of a good time. Anyway, great show. I highly recommend it. We're about midway through the second season.

Speaking of hot doctors, I had my first physical in San Francisco (and a few years) this morning... and boy did I luck out. The doctor... was a fox. Like... probably could've been on Grey's Anatomy kind of hot. Like... looking around for hidden cameras kind of hot. You get the idea. We'll call her Doctor K. Green eyes, probably Lebanese descent, born & raised here in San Francisco (we chatted), like... yeah... and I'm in a paper dress thinking about baseball to keep from priapism. Anyway, it was just the usual questions, then she listened to my heartbeat (in a purely non-sexual manner), and blah blah blah I'm healthy, which I knew... but it's good to get a baseline, I guess. I mean... I don't smoke, drink in moderation, I'm working out 4-5 times a week on top of walking 2-3 miles a day, I eat... well, everything in sight, but I'm trying to do more vegetables & healthy options. For God's sake, I had a veggie burger yesterday when there was a perfectly good pile of charred bovine flesh right next to it. If that's not worth something, I don't know what is. I am probably going to go back in tomorrow for a quick cholestrol test (again for a baseline), then schedule a meeting with a dermatologist for a little thing on my left cheek, and then probably find a dentist in town... but hey, that's what grownups do, right? And besides... I got to have a beautiful woman touch my chest, ask me about my sexual history, make me say "AH" & then shoot me up a tetnes-whooping cough vaccine for $25 co-pay. You really can't beat that... even in Vegas.

Also, I'm starting to do better with the pickup games at the YMCA too. I’m still trying to get over my “heavy feet” that I’ve apparently developed over the past few years… but that may also play into the 2-3 miles that I walk to/from work every day… and I’m not as young as I used to be… and I kinda rolled my ankle pretty good the other day… but I still hold my own. I’m usually matched up against smaller guys anyway, so speed isn’t going to be my advantage in most cases like it was matched up against fellow tall guys back in the day. Oh well… you can’t teach height… and I’ve got a little bit of that. Once I start getting my rhythm & stamina back… look out, b**ches!!! Speaking of which…

Ditch the B**ch? - Men are more concerned with their partner's body type than women but they also seem to value family more highly, according to a new survey released on Tuesday. Nearly half of men questioned in the poll of 70,000 people said they would ditch a partner who gained weight, compared to only 20% of women. Two-third of men also said they had fantasized about their partner's friends, while only one-third of women had done so (both of which are lying… because everybody has done it). "Even as men are getting more comfortable with meeting their girlfriends online and less anxious about who she's 'friending' there, other romantic behaviors have proven to be timeless ones: chivalry isn't dead, size matters, and women forgive while men forget," said James Bassil, editor-in-chief of AskMen, which conducted the poll jointly with While only 18% of women said they would want their mate to be better endowed, more than 51% of men said they wished they themselves were. But the survey also found 39% of men chose family as their top choice of the ultimate status symbol. By contrast, 43% of women selected a beautiful home, compared to only 6.5% of men (we know what they cost in dollars & chores). One-quarter of women named a successful partner as a top status symbol. But men were more likely to lie about the number of sex partners they had had (50%) than women (35%). Again, both would probably lie anyway for better or worse. One thing both sexes agreed on was an as-yet undeveloped male birth control pill, an idea that proved popular all around. More than half of women would want their partner to take it, while more than two-thirds of men were ready for male birth control. But the sexes differed about paying for dates, at least in the early stages. More women, 38%, think each should pay their own way, versus 33% who think men should foot the bill. But 59% of men think they should cover the tab, at least until a relationship is established. I’m kind of waiting to meet that 38% of women but they must be on the East Coast or something. Nearly 80% of men said they feel cheated by the divorce courts (with the other 20% having developed mental blocks about the whole experience). But more women feel the sexes receive equal treatment than those who agree the men get a raw deal. Women are also far less comfortable with their mates keeping in touch with their ex. More than two-thirds of men are okay with their partner friending an ex on Facebook, as opposed to 38% of women. But three-quarters of men surveyed said they consider sexting cheating. There’s a link to the full results in the article… but yeah, this is pretty common knowledge, right? Men are admittedly shallow, women are more jealous, both sexes have fantastic notions of equality until the check hits the table or the sh*t hits the fan in divorce court, same old stuff. How do you feel about sexting? I think it’s unnecessarily stupid… but cheating is bold. I’d be more concerned with WHY she’s sexting. Is it because she wants to be adventurous? Is it because she doesn’t feel any desire for you? Or is she just an evil b**ch who gets off on being a whore? That’s not even an exaggeration. Some people are just like that. I’ve known a few in my days. Anyway, just thought I’d share that with you… and then you can pull it out when somebody gives you the look like “So… are you going to pay for dinner?” Sigh… you must be one of the 62%...

King Tut: Not Egyptian? – You know… Hollywood gets a lot of flack for “whitewashing” their movies… where they’ll have Caucasian actors playing roles that are really meant for other ethnic groups. You know… like that whole “Last Airbender” thing and the Old Spaghetti Westerns, etc. Well now… maybe having Brad & Angelina playing Marc Anthony & Cleopatra or Willem Dafoe as Jesus isn’t so unfounded. Why? Up to 70% of British men and half of all Western European men are related to the Egyptian Pharaoh Tutankhamun, geneticists in Switzerland said. Scientists at Zurich-based DNA genealogy centre, iGENEA, reconstructed the DNA profile of the boy Pharaoh, who ascended the throne at the age of nine, his father Akhenaten and grandfather Amenhotep III, based on a film that was made for the Discovery Channel. The results showed that King Tut belonged to a genetic profile group, known as haplogroup R1b1a2, to which more than 50% of all men in Western Europe belong, indicating that they share a common ancestor. The real surprise… among modern-day Egyptians, this haplogroup contingent is below 1 percent, according to iGENEA. "It was very interesting to discover that he belonged to a genetic group in Europe -- there were many possible groups in Egypt that the DNA could have belonged to," said Roman Scholz, director of the iGENEA Centre. Around 70% of Spanish and 60% of French men also belong to the genetic group of the Pharaoh who ruled Egypt more than 3,000 years ago. "We think the common ancestor lived in the Caucasus about 9,500 years ago," Scholz told Reuters. It is estimated that the earliest migration of haplogroup R1b1a2 into Europe began with the spread of agriculture in 7,000 BC, according to iGENEA. However, the geneticists were not sure how Tutankhamun's paternal lineage came to Egypt from its region of origin. The centre is now using DNA testing to search for the closest living relatives of "King Tut." "The offer has only been publicized for three days but we have already seen a lot of interest," Scholz told Reuters. So many questions, so few answers now. Okay, so Tut wasn’t Egyptian? Was his father Akhenaten Egyptian? Was Akhenaten… his father? Did a traveling Spaniard make sweet love to Mama Tut? Like I said… so many questions. Another question is… does it really matter? There may be thousands… even millions of people that are direct descendants of King Tut… or Vlad the Impaler… or Genghis Khan… or the cobbler who fashioned their boots… what does that mean now? Pretty much nothing… but still, it’s kind of interesting.

Bonnie & Clyde Remake – There are some stories out there… that just don’t need to be told by Hollywood. Or they already have… and just don’t need to be repeated or remade or revamped. Seriously, I saw the preview for “The Amazing Spiderman” last week… and isn’t it almost frame for frame what the movie ten years ago was? Anyway, Neil Burger ("Limitless") is in talks to direct a new take on classic Depression Era outlaws Bonnie and Clyde for Kamala Films reports Deadline. The film will be based on Jeff Guinn's 2010 book "Go Down Together" which gives us a less romanticized version of the duo than seen in the classic 1967 film with Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. Okay, so a more gritty and real tale of murderous bank robbers without the romantic aspect, I can see that. Going against the legend a little bit. What kind of changes will be made to the story you ask? Such potential details include Bonnie Parker's life as a prostitute before meeting Clyde, and Clyde's first victim… a cell mate who had raped him repeatedly. Yup! They’re taking Warren Beatty & Faye Dunaway’s portrayal… and turning them into a prison rape victim & a whore. I wouldn’t be surprised if the working title is “Fish & the Trick” instead of “Bonnie & Clyde.” Sheldon Turner is penning the script while Sean and Bryan Furst and Marissa McMahon will produce. Burger is not yet set and is scheduled to shoot the "Uncharted: Drake's Fortune" adaptation as his next project… so thank God there’s some time before this happens at least.

Zombie Noir? - Emma Stone is in early talks to play the female lead in the 40's-era Los Angeles crime drama "Gangster Squad" at Warner Bros. and Village Roadshow says The Hollywood Reporter. Based on a series of LA Times articles, the true story tale follows a secret "off the record" police task force in the 1940s who pursued high-profile gangster Meyer Harris "Mickey" Cohen, a member of the so-called "Jewish Mafia". Former LA cop and novelist Will Beall penned the script. Stone would play a woman caught between Ryan Gosling's good cop character and Sean Penn's gangster Cohen. Bryan Cranston, Josh Brolin, Michael Pena and Anthony Mackie also star while Rubin Fleisher ("Zombieland") is directing. This sounds like it could be a promising film. I loved Zombieland… and the cast is fantastic. Even the story is intriguing like a whole Untouchables, LA Confidential, Black Dahlia, Hollywoodland kind of film. Anyway, that’s just more of an FYI in case you were wondering what Rubin Fleisher was up to.

Comic Book Movie Ratings – Now, comic book movie adaptations are a powder keg of controversy in the kingdom of Nerddom. I should know being a high-ranking lord of the realm. I found this pretty good article though that compares the films fairly justly. Comic book fans have always argued about which film adaptation of their favorite property is the best. You can argue box-office until the cows come home, the fact of the matter is box-office has never been an accurate judge of quality. For example, Twilight. In fact what the general public has embraced hasn't always been what the critics have embraced, and vice versa, yet certain titles are also held up high or shat upon by all. So to add fuel to the fiery debate, they set out to tabulate some scores and see if they could find some kind of reasonably argued consensus. To do that they combined three scores for each film using three major sites - the wide-sweeping critical countings of Rotten Tomatoes, the more selective critical assessments of Metacritic, and the open to the public IMDb user ratings.

Does it prove anything? Not really, but it has resulted in a healthy list of the best films of the comic book-to-film genre. The results contain some major surprises. A film like "Watchmen" had a 6.2/10 RT average rating score, a 56/100 Metacritic score, and a 7.7/10 IMDb user rating. The result was worked out like so:

(6.2 x 10) + 56 + (7.7 x 10) = 195 / 3 = 65.00. This meant its final score was 65.00 out of 100.

On the rare occasion where a Metacritic score wasn't available or didn't qualify (at least ten reviews had to be counted on MC), the remaining two scores were combined and divided by two rather than three. In the cases where the final scores are equal, those with the superior combined RT & Metacritic scores are placed higher in the graphic. Over 124 films were included in the study, a dozen were knocked from the list ("Sheena," "Modesty Blaise," "Brenda Starr," two versions of "Prince Valiant", several "Asterix" films, "Lucky Luke", "Tintin and the Blue Oranges") because they didn't have enough reviews on either RT or MC to qualify. Here are the results for the remaining 112:

Some notes that I found interesting from this:

  • Batman & Robin is apparently NOT the worst movie ever made in this genre… as apparently I had forgotten about treasures like “Catwoman” (I can’t hate on Halle Berry in that outfit), “Superman IV: Quest for Peace”, “Son of the Mask” and of course… “Steel” starring Shaquille O’Neal.

  • Swamp Thing scored better than… well, frankly I’m surprised that it’s in the middle of the pack.

  • I simply refuse to believe that “Flash Gordon” was better than the Addams Family.

  • Why have I not heard of a lot of the top scoring movies like “Persepolis”, “American Splendor”, “Ghost World”, “Nausica’a” & “Porco Rosso”? I may have to check them out.

  • Glad that “The Dark Knight” is on top of the list… but REALLY surprised that Spiderman 2 is that high. I mean… maybe I just thought that Peter Parker was a whiny little b**ch for all three movies but… whatever, not my list.

Anyway, that should do it for me for today. Weekend’s just around the corner… and I have absolutely no plans… but I should have my new phone before long… and my mom’s coming to visit in a few weeks with my brother, the kids, C-Rock & whoever else may tag along. Have a great day everybody!!!

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