Monday, August 8, 2011

What's a Kwyjibo Anyway?




Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, this weekend was okay… considering. Friday night, I was trying to find out exactly where my new phone was… so I went to the UPS shipping center… and they had no idea. Apparently it was supposed to be on a truck… but they didn’t have it… and it wasn’t there. Yippee! I could file a claim on Monday… but that’d mean three more days without a phone… at least. I was pleasantly surprised a few hours later when I was making some delicious chili mac at home, I noticed through the kitchen window that there was a UPS truck hailing in our cul de sac to turn around. The moment that I noticed the truck, I heard a ring at the door bell, so I went to the door. Could it be? Is my phone here? YAY!!! I open the door… and there’s a package kinda set next to it… and I notice a guy running off and jumping onto the moving truck, now headed out of the cul de sac and off to the next stop. Wasn’t the big f**king deal that I had to sign for it? Well, I guess they were expecting a prick response, but seriously I was just grateful. Whatever. I had my phone now… sort of. As you may know, the first step is putting it on the charger for 12 hours… so I enjoyed my chili mac & some “Nip/Tuck” with Nurse & Bee Master. We kind of like that show. Almost through season three now.

Saturday morning, I went to the hospital to do a quick lipid cholesterol test… seriously took like five minutes total. Then I spent the morning running errands & eventually made way to the phone store where we spent an hour or so getting my phone to work & thankfully keeping all of my phone numbers (like 300 contacts… cuz that’s how playas do… in different area codes). Funny little sidenote: While at the phone store, I was wearing my San Antonio Spurs shirt… and one of the agents asked me, “Are you from San Antonio? Big Spurs fan?” “From Utah… but have been since I was 8 years old.” “Ah, Tim Duncan’s early days…” “Actually, since David Robinson’s early days back in ’89.” “Nice! That guy was a MONSTER! I remember there was one game where he had like… 60 points or something.” “71… against the Clippers… one of only three players to have that many in a game besides Wilt & Kobe. And actually… now that I think about it… today’s the 6th, right?” “Yeah.” “Today is his 46th birthday. Go figure! Sorry… my mind kinda just… does that. Makes random connections every once in a while.” So yeah, then we got to talking about basketball a little bit & how the Warriors might fair (guy was from Oakland) so yeah, that was that. Happy belated birthday, Mr. Robinson!!!

Then I went home, made a little tikki masala chicken, and about an hour later… my joints got really sore, I had a little fever, my head & back was aching, something was wrong all of a sudden & I didn’t know why. Luckily my first thought was the correct one… check the paper that Doctor K gave me with the tetnes-whooping cough from Friday. I know sometimes those shots have effects… but she didn’t really mention any at the time, just handing me the form and saying if anything seems strange to call the number on it (not even writing in her own digits unfortunately). Well, there it was… apparently 70% of recipients have minor effects like aches & pains (check), soreness in joints (check), mild fever (check) and then I read on… and it was talking about one in a thousand some SERIOUS reactions. I’m sure it would’ve been mentioned in detail if I had any allergies or pre-existing conditions but going over it… I was struggling to remember what it prevented. You know when you watch those commercials on TV for a drug that helps with social anxiety… but it gives you uncontrollable diarrhea, migraine headaches, violent mood swings, heart palpitations, stroke, whatever. Yeah… I want to go meet people when I’m concerned that at any moment I could crap myself & react violently. Anyway, I’m all better now. Saturday night was just me bundled up… and watching “Nip/Tuck” with some Indian food & plenty of fluids. Party!!!

Sunday, I took the bus to Inner Sunset to get my hair did (just a touch up as it grows back fast) and really the only other news was my basketball game that night. We lost… unfortunately… but besides a 30-2 run in the middle of the game, it was a pretty close game. Yeah… I held it down on defense, yes, even during that run, but there was simply too much of my teammates taking three pointers and missing them, and I simply can’t outrebound three guys when I’m already out of position because they want me to post up. Seriously… they gave it to me three times in the post – once was a dunk + 1, another a kick out to a three pointer that actually went in, & the third was a hack that wasn’t called but they got the ball. Two out of three ain’t bad, right? It’s frustrating… but I’m still having a little fun. Had some pretty decent swats too… like… they kept taking threes for most of the game or trying to run it on the fast break off the long rebounds from our misses because once they were trying to take it right at me… there was little to no chance. Not bad for a guy with stiff joints & a mild fever, right? Anyway, here’s the news…

Bubba Smith - Former NFL star Bubba Smith, who went from feared defensive end on the field to endearing giant in his successful second career as an actor, died Wednesday. He was 66. Los Angeles County coroner's spokesman Ed Winter said Smith was found dead at his Baldwin Hills home. Winter said he didn't know the circumstances or cause of death. Police spokesman Richard French added the death does not appear to be suspicious. The top overall pick in the 1967 draft after a sensational career at Michigan State, the 6-foot-7 Smith spent five seasons with the Baltimore Colts and two seasons each with Oakland and Houston. He won the 1971 Super Bowl with the Colts. "I'm saddened by it. I remember my first training camp in 1972 in Golden, Colorado. I spent a lot of time with him there. He was a great guy. He was a giant, the biggest player on the field," Colts owner Jim Irsay said. One of the best pass rushers in the game, Smith often drew two blockers, yet was effective enough to make two Pro Bowls and one All-Pro team. His best work, though, came in college, and Smith was enshrined in the College Football Hall of Fame in 1988. "He was simply a good guy," former Michigan State teammate Robert Viney said in a statement released through the university. "His size made him an intimidating figure, but he was a real gentleman. He was a helluva player." As an actor his most memorable role was playing Moses Hightower, the soft-spoken officer in the "Police Academy" series (now you know why I'm mentioning him... I loved those movies as a kid & Hightower in particular). He also appeared in such television series as "Good Times," ''Charlie's Angels," and "Half Nelson," and was a regular in the ground-breaking Miller Lite commercials featuring retired players. Born Charles Aaron Smith, he played in high school for his father, Willie Ray Smith, in Beaumont, Texas, before heading to Michigan State, where he was an All-American in 1966. "'Bubba' Smith was a great Spartan," Michigan State athletic director Mark Hollis said in a statement. "As both a football player and later as an actor, 'Bubba' was a great ambassador for the University. It's only fitting that beginning this fall the Big Ten Defensive Lineman of the Year Award bears his name." At Michigan State he played on some of the school's greatest teams under coach Duffy Daugherty and was one of its best players. Fans in East Lansing, Mich., would chant, "Kill, Bubba, Kill" during games and his No. 95 jersey was retired in 2006. "I will shed some tears tonight because I've lost a great friend," Viney said. "He never sought the spotlight. He was a humble man. As I remember him, I recall the chants of "Kill, Bubba, Kill" from the crowd in Spartan Stadium. He will be missed." Smith was part of two of the most famous football games ever played. In 1966, he was at Michigan State when the Spartans and Notre Dame, both undefeated, played to a 10-10 tie. Michigan State finished second behind the top-ranked Fighting Irish that season. In 1965 and '66, Smith helped Michigan State go 19-1-1 and win consecutive Big Ten titles. Game number two - In 1969, Smith played for the Colts against the New York Jets in the Super Bowl. Led by Joe Namath, the Jets of the AFL upset the NFL champion Colts 16-7 in Miami. What can I say? I have a think for soft spoken loveable gentle giants. We know our own. A truly great man... and he will be missed. My condolences to Bubba's family. Now let's change things up...

Russian Politics Update - Sigh... this is what I'm looking for in my politickin' come every election year. I've told you about Putin's Army of hot Russians showing their support by showing their assets. Well, now there's a rebuttal... with emphasis on butt. Three young women stripped down to bikinis on a chilly Thursday in central Moscow in support of Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and his anti-beer drive, in the latest racy campaigning ahead of 2012 elections. The female flash-mob, apparently organised by a Medvedev fan-group on Russia's top social networking site Vkontakte, may have been inspired by a rival campaign urging girls to strip in support of Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. Both leaders in Russia's ruling have said they will decide together which of them will run for president in March. Medvedev's bikini-clad supporters, encircled by cameras and photographers, invited gawking onlookers to pour out their beer into buckets, stripping off an item of clothing when the alcohol sloshed up to marks drawn on the side. Yes... this is real... and no, it's not college. "We do not want to interfere in their political affairs, we are doing what we want and what we want is to encourage young people to support our president," Veronika, a brunette who stripped to a hot pink bikini, told reporters. It was unclear who was behind the group, with fellow activist Anna Sirotkina claiming it was a grassroots movement. "We are not paid. There was an announcement online, and we decided to participate," said the blond-haired Sirotkina as she strutted about in black high heels. Following the strip-tease the girls dumped the beer-filled buckets down the gutter and dawned T-shirts emblazoned with the slogans: "Choose beer or us!" Some passersby -- nursing beers and enjoying a rare burst of sunshine in the nearby park -- were puzzled by the message. "The girls are against beer so the girls are offering themselves in return for a promise from young men not to drink?" pondered a young student who gave his name only as Denis. I feel ya. I'm a little confused with the shirts too... but hey, maybe there's something lost in translation. If only they knew a good marketing guy like... I don't know... ME!!! The group, calling themselves "Medvedev's Girls," denied competing with a rival pro-Putin Internet group called "I Really Do Like Putin" and said they planned a "tandem" bike ride together on Monday in a play on words on Russia's ruling tandem. Putin -- who was president from 2000 to 2008 and barred by the constitution from seeking a third consecutive term -- helped usher his 45-year-old protégé Dmitry Medvedev into office. This is an interesting great story... on a purely sick level... but why pour the beers down the sewers? Like the Boston Beer Party or something? Maybe it's just... I'm a fan of beer... but I'm definitely more of a fan of brunettes in pink bikinis & blondes in stilettos too... so I get that.

Kitchen Knuke - A Swedish man was arrested after he tried to build a nuclear reactor in his kitchen and documented his efforts on the Internet, authorities and the man said Thursday. Richard Handl, 31, from Angelholm in southern Sweden, gathered materials including smoke detectors, clock and watch hands and via purchases on the Internet. "I was just curious to see if it was possible, it is just a hobby," said Handl, currently unemployed but previously a worker in a ventilation systems factory. He documented his efforts on a blog and his Facebook page. He got as far as mixing some ingredients on a cooker -- americum, radium, beryllium and 96% sulphuric acid. "The boiling explosion was about 3 or 4 months ago and the police came two weeks ago," he said. After the incident, which he tagged "The Meltdown" on his blog, he said he "cleaned up the mess on the cooker and then I bought some more radium and continued the experiment." The Radiation Safety Authority said in a statement the authorities raided Handl's flat on July 20 after hearing that he was handling nuclear materials in an unsafe way. "There were no raised levels of radiation in the apartment and the neighbors were not exposed to radiation," research chief Leif Moberg said in the statement. Handl reported the raid laconically on his website, writing "Project canceled!" He was detained and shortly after freed. "I am still a suspect for crime against the radiation safety law," he said. Do you see what happens with unemployment? Idle hands do the devil's work... and bored hands make people wonder if they can build nuclear reactors in their kitchens. Sure, we've all had the impulses. Fix a pinball machine in our garage - Okay. Restore a 1969 Pontiac LeMans that you'll never be able to drive because it only gets about 8-10 MPG - Not the best way to spend your money but that's how I got my Baby. Design your own sexbot in your bedroom using a vacuum cleaner, chicken wire, paper mache, a children's toy and the sleeve of your favorite jacket - Go ahead... tell me what the cow says, girl. I mean... you know if... they did that... they being... not me. Causing a possible ecological disaster in the kitchen though... is kind of a gray area. It sounds like somebody rented "The Astronaut Farmer" over the weekend... but then again, I admire his approach. He was curious... bored... and documented it for the word to see. You can't really hate on that. Then again, if somebody had gotten hurt, not such a good thing. It's not like I'm thinking it's a good idea if I did something like this in the bedroom and one of my roommates & I have to have this conversation through the door & paper thin walls. "$teve, what are you doing in there?" "I'm just (crash) doing an experiment. I'm seeing if I can devise a way to save money through (pop) mother f... sorry, I'll try to keep it down." "What's that burning smell? Do you have the vacuum in there?" "Yeah... I'm just... I needed a part and (the cow says mooooo) I'll... I just need to clean up a bit... I'll ugh... have it downstairs in... an hour. Whew... cigarette? (the horse says naaaay) Suit yourself."

On that note, I guess I’ll leave you with that image… only a few more days until my family comes to visit. Apparently, after discussion with my roommates, my mom, stepdad, niece & nephew will be staying at my apartment… probably with me and the kids sleeping on the couch… and then my brother, C-Rock and anybody else they bring will be in a nearby hotel. I’m getting REALLY excited about it… as I’ve missed my family & am always looking for a reason to have fun. Have a great night everybody!!!

1 comment:

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