Monday, October 4, 2010

Wave of Killers

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, this weekend was pretty weird. It was bright & sunny Saturday morning, then it’s been torrential rain ever since. Not complaining though, because you know how I love the rain. Even went for a little walk in it… before it got too damn cold for that. Great college & pro football yet again. Did anybody else watch the end of the LSU – Tennessee game and think that LSU is probably the sloppiest f**king team ever? But thanks to a little miscommunication, they ended up getting the win. Eagles lost… and surprisingly, even with a 14-0 deficit in the first quarter, Vick getting injured, Kolb sucking so much that I was afraid it would cause a rip in the time-space continuum, some BS calls by the referees (especially that horse hucky at the end of the half with delay of game), some guy named Torain running all over them, and the home crowd booing them at times… they still only lost it when the ball bounced off Jason Avant’s hands on a Hail Mary pass as time expired. Well, hopefully even if the Eagles suck next week when I go to see them at Candlestick Park, at least we’ll hopefully suck less than the winless 49ers. Wouldn’t be too surprised if coach Mike Singletary lined up on defense for those guys. Anyway, it should be fantastic!!! Let’s see, other than watching football this weekend I… well, I cleaned up the apartment, did some laundry, played some basketball Saturday morning, ugh… watched “She’s Out of My League” thanks to Netflix, and ugh… yeah, that’s pretty much it. Oh, I had some crazy dreams too. Wanna hear about them? Tough… cuz here they come…

Friday night – I was at a hotel. Not entirely sure at what capacity, but I was in a suit & looking good as always. I went to this bar area, sat down at the bar, ordered a drink, and started chatting with this sexy woman next to me (See? Obviously it’s a dream at this point). We’re chit chatting about something (dreams are fuzzy like that) and then we took our drinks out onto the balcony and admired the sunset. It was golden & crimson mostly, with the sun glaring off the ocean in shimmering waves, you know the type… the kind that burn their image into your mind forever. There were even some dolphins jumping in the distance amongst the waves. Perfect. Wait a minute, those look too big to be dolphins. Are those… killer whales jumping up out of the water? Sweet!!! This is the greatest sunset EVER!!! Wow, there’s certainly a lot of them jumping now… and they’re getting awfully close to the shore. HOLY CRAP!!! IT’S AN AMBUSH!!! I kid you not, the water rose up to cover the streets and killer whales just kind slid up and started eating people like they were the runt seals of the pack. The whole bottom floor was now underwater, but luckily we were on the 2nd or 3rd floor, so me, the woman, and a few other people from the bar start heading away from the windows and grabbing sharp objects. You know, like axes in case of fires and bar stools. More blunt than sharp in some cases. The water’s rising up the stairwells, with orcas right behind, so we’re moving upwards… and seriously, looking back it was like one of those REALLY bad SyFy movies… you know, like “Sharktopus” and my personal favorite “Dinocroc vs. Supergator” where these killer whales were like popping in windows and trying to snatch up some dinner. REALLY bad if it were a movie… but it was a dream… and honestly, once it’s made into a SyFy TV movie, perhaps it’ll be prophetic… but yeah, I woke up a few minutes into it because… it was pretty ridiculous, right? Anyway, there was another one…

Last night, there were some pretty amazing thunderstorms going on… like rattle the windows and making the bed shake kind of rolling thunder. How do I know this? The roommate asked me if I had heard them this morning. So that part’s legit. Well, during one of these thunder strikes, I woke up lying face first… and I simply couldn’t move. It felt like I was being held down by the covers or something… and then I heard something like… a growling in my ear. I tried to nonchalantly turn myself over and maybe sneak a peek at what was doing this… but it was no use. So then… I really started to struggle… and it felt like my arms were asleep to begin with… but eventually I whip around and there’s really nothing there, except this darkness that didn’t really form any shape… just kind like the shadow of a cloud or something… and basically with all my struggling and whipping around and swinging at things that aren’t there, my bed is trashed. Sheets, blankets, feather comforters, all thrown about the room. I’m up on the bed, poised in crouching position like I’m a f**king cobra ready to strike… and nothing’s there. By the way, I apparently dozed off back to bed after that… and when I woke up, I was snug as a bug in a rug in my bed… and my room was in perfect order. So my flip-out where I went Jackie Chan on my bedroom didn’t happen. So yeah, I’m basically losing my mind yet again… good times. Anyway, happy birthdays out to K-Fish (even though she’s been giving me the silent treatment for a few months now) and my cousin Ranae back in Denver over the weekend. Hope y’all had a fun time!!! Miss y’all madly. Here’s some news…

Chippendales – Now, I haven’t thought about my days as a Chippendale’s dancer in years… especially since my 26th birthday party in Vegas. Alisa & Filly know what I’m talking about. Anyway, this little story brought back memories. The male erotic dancer company Chippendales stumbled on Friday when an appeals court ruled that it could not trademark the bow tie and shirt cuffs that the men wear. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit said in a ruling -- which included a sketch of a fit gentleman shown from the waist up wearing only a bow tie and shirt cuffs -- that the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office was correct in refusing to trademark the "Cuffs and Collar" costume. New York-based Chippendales, which filed the original trademark application in 2000, failed to prove that the bow tie and cuffs costume was distinctive, the court said. The court noted that the Chippendales' expert witness acknowledged that the outfit was "inspired" by the Playboy bunny suit, thus stripping the Chippendales' Cuffs & Collar of the distinctiveness needed to get a trademark (yeesh!). The Playboy bunny suit was trademarked in 1964 and expired in 2004, the court said. That costume is shirt cuffs, corset, tie, bunny ears and bunny tail. Hmm… I think I know what my Halloween costume is going to be when I go to New Orleans in a few weeks. Now that I don’t have to worry about trademark infringement… and I’ve got the bowtie and cufflinks… then again, it may not be the best weather for an outfit like that. We shall see. Tough break, guys.

Brazilians Elect Clown as Congressman - Voters the world over complain about having clowns for politicians, but Brazilians embraced the idea on Sunday by sending a real one to Congress with more votes than any other candidate. Francisco Everardo Oliveira Silva, better known by his clown name Tiririca, received more than 1.3 million votes in Sao Paulo state in Brazil's presidential and congressional elections. That was more than double the votes of the second-placed candidate in Brazil's most populous state. I'm NOT joking. This guy, pictured here, is a Brazilian congressman. Tiririca caught the attention of disillusioned voters by asking for their support with the humorous slogan: "It can't get any worse" and a promise to do nothing more in Congress than report back to them on how politicians spend their time. "What does a congressman do? The truth is I don't know, but vote for me and I'll tell you," the 45-year-old said in his campaign advertisements. The clown, whose stage name means "grumpy," usually appears in public wearing a blond wig, a red hat and a garish outfit. He survived a last-minute attempt by public prosecutors to bar him from running because of evidence that he is illiterate (See? My political career isn’t completely ruined because I can’t read no good). His candidacy may not have been as spontaneous or innocent as it might appear. Tiririca's well-financed campaign will help elect other politicians because under Brazil's election rules he can pass his substantial excess votes on to other candidates in his coalition, which includes the ruling Workers' Party. Nice, right? So just to recap, a well-meaning hip hop legend can’t even get on the ballet in a fubar’d country like Haiti… but a Brazilian Bozo the Clown can not only get elected in a landslide by the most populous city in South America… but use those extra votes to help everybody in his extra small car get elected too. I love political loopholes. They’re absolutely amazing and frightening at the same time. I really need to get into politics. It would be quite the adventure… and I would like to think that I could do some good… but at the very least, I’ll make a few people laugh hysterically when my memoirs come out. Can’t wait to read this guy’s memoirs when he… oh yeah, he’s illiterate. Oh well.

On that note, now that you know more about me than you care to… I’ll leave you be. Great Monday Night Football going on tonight… and I get to enjoy the rain for the next few days too. Have a great night everybody!!!

1 comment:

Blogger said...

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