Number One Super Guy

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I was a little bored and thought that I'd give you a little something something to remember me over this long weekend. Also, remember the other day when I showed those shotty pictures of France that looked like they were taken by in 1880's? Well, I'll have you know that there are better pictures that I have in a photo album at my mom's...but they haven't scanned...but I'm thinking about doing so next time I'm up at her house so that I can share some of the good ones with you too. You're welcome. Play your cards right...and you may also get to see Greece, all sorts of Italy, Switzerland, Austria, Liechtenstein, Germany, Great Britain, Scotland, Jamaica, South Korea, China, and other mystical lands. Until then, here's some news...

Kevorkian Biopic - That's right. You read it correctly. Susan Sarandon (a.k.a. the woman who never sleeps) and John Goodman have joined the cast of the Jack Kevorkian biopic "You Don't Know Jack" for HBO Films says The Hollywood Reporter. Of course, Al Pacino stars as Kevorkian, known as Dr. Death, who assisted in more than 130 suicides. After willingly sending a videotape of himself euthanizing a terminally ill man to "60 Minutes," he was convicted in 1999 of second-degree murder and spent eight years in prison. The HBO film follows Kevorkian's (Pacino) rise as he builds his infamous Mercy Machine and sets out to perform assisted suicides while waging an epic legal battles defending a patient's right to die. Goodman will play Nicol, a friend and co-worker of Kevorkian since 1961 and a steadfast supporter of the right to die. Sarandon will play Janet Good, an activist with the Hemlock Society who becomes one of Jack's staunchest supporters, working side by side with him to make humane suicide available to the terminally ill and suffering. Barry Levinson directs from Adam Mazer's script which is loosely based on Neal Nicol and Harry Wylie's book "Between the Dying and the Dead". Sounds like a real cheer-me-up movie. I simply can't wait for it.

Number One Super Guy - A live-action combined with CG animation feature film based on classic 1970's Hanna-Barbera animated series "Hong Kong Phooey" is in the works at Alcon Entertainment reports Variety. The story follows a police station janitor who becomes a dog with mystical powers, including the ability to do kung fu. Alex Zamm is set to direct from "Family Guy" producer David Goodman's script. Broderick Johnson, Andrew Kosove, Brett Ratner and Jay Stern are producing. I can already hear the preview in the distant future...and I have five bucks that says it sounds like "Everybody was kung fu fiiiightiiiing (na-na na-na na-na na-na-na)" Sad thing is that I'll still watch it. Why? Martial arts...and I was a HUGE fan of the Hanna Barbera cartoon growing up (though not born until the early 80's). He's like Underdog...but with Kung Fu...and I'm curious who'll play Rosemary. Anyway, keep an eye out...and remember that you might owe me five bucks when the preview comes out.

Return of Remo - "The Destroyer", a film version of the Remo Williams vigilante novel series, is in the works over at Sony Pictures says Risky Biz Blog. Producers Charles Roven ("The Dark Knight") and Steve Chasman ("The Transporter") are set to produce while Charley and Vlas Parlapanides ("War of Gods") will pen the script for the project. Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir's books centered on Williams, a New Jersey cop convicted of a crime he didn't commit. Williams is sentenced to the electric chair, but his death is faked so he can be reborn as the vigilante character the Destroyer, joining a top-secret assassin squad set up by the government to operate outside the bounds of the law.With the help of an Asian assassin named Chiun, Williams also then wreaks havoc on the criminal underworld as well as on those who framed him. Fred Ward and Joel Grey starred in a 1985 feature film about the character. It should be awesome...but can they find a Remo more badass than Fred Ward? We shall see.

Machete Update - Do you remember the double feature movie "Grindhouse"? Of course you do. It was a fantastic double feature with some "fake" trailers that would actually make for some great low-brow movies ("Werewolf Women of the SS" is still my favorite). Well, apparently they're finally going to start on "Machete" which is about when happens when "you f**k with the wrong Mexican" and there's some interesting casting rumors going around about this next Robert Rodriguez flick. According to the site Bloody Disgusting, Michelle Rodriguez (TV's "Lost," "Fast and Furious" and several police reports) and Jonah Hill ("Superbad," "Funny People") are set to play Luz and Julio respectively, while the legendary Robert DeNiro has a small role as 'Senator McLaughlin'. The talk is just rumor for now (and I'm still a little bummed that Al Pacino didn't pop up as the head of Spectre in "Quantum of Solace"). Danny Trejo is set to return as the titular gun-toting Mexican while Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis are co-directing the project which begins filming July 29th (so it may be released during summer 2011, a mere four years after the preview was made). So is anybody else excited about "Inglorious Basterds" coming out in a few weeks?

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Just thought I'd catch you up on some movie news. Now I have to get packed and ready for Vegas for the weekend. Can't wait. Wish you could all come with me...but maybe next time. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Like Gee, That Was A Close One, Scoob!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, I've applied for a job here with my same employer in Slick City...but has strong connections to Lake Tahoe...so it's a start in that westerly direction. It will also help me to establish some contacts over in the area...and that doesn't hurt at all...and become familiar with the area since, to be perfectly honest, all is know is from the internet...and did you know that Tahoe is apparently a Native American word (I forget which tribe) for "Lake" so the entire town is basically named Lake Lake? Now you know. Other benefits include a little higher pay, career advancement, some former coworkers are in that department...and the surrounding eye candy ain't bad over there either. I'll keep you posted on the progress...but as you know, sometimes these things take months...even if they offer the job to you on the spot...and then take it back...and then offer it to you again a month later. GOD, I love HR departments!

The other day, I watched a movie...and it really made me think...and then cry a little bit...and then get a little angry...and then I cursed a word that I thought I would never curse...but I guess "Bush" has multiple meanings. The movie was "An Inconvenient Truth" starring Al Gore. You remember him. Vice President under Clinton for eight years...and then somehow won the election in 2000 but Bush was President for the next eight years...and oddly enough, during that same time, all of my dreams seemed to die after being sorely crushed again and again until I'm the withered mass before you. Anyway, enough of that. As you all know, I'm sure, it's about global warming and how we face a MAJOR environmental catastrophe (think "Day After Tomorrow" but real...and I play the role of the sexy young Dennis Quaid) and how the United States seems to be the country causing the most problems (of course) and we all need to make a change. He even displays all the convincing evidence, scientific knowledge, easy to understand charts & graphs, personifies it with stories from his life...and doesn't simply say, "God told me that the Earth is gonna die unless we make a change" like some other Presidential candidate might. Watching the movie, as I mentioned, it was a bit of a emotional rollercoaster because...it's basically true...and scary...and what was even scarier is what might have been if this guy was elected President (still say that he was...but whatever) instead of that curse word Bush. Maybe we'd be a little better off. Then again, maybe we'd all be obliterated by aliens too...but that damn logic tells me that it'd probably be better. What also got me...is this guy is an excellent speaker. Sure, he's not the glowing ball of charisma that everybody (in the Media) made Bush out to be...but he's just a great guy. He's like a Teacher...and Bush was the Pothead in the back of the class...and it just irks me so...but this isn't one of those political blogs. So I'm just going to suggest that we all listen to Gore and recycle and all that stuff...but hey, we could always just keep things the way they are and die a natural death like a hurricane or tsunami or plague or something. You know, the choice is yours. Check out this flick if you want...but yeah, it may just piss you off a little bit at the political machine.

On a merrier note, last night I watched a classic from Alfred Hitchcock entitled "Rear Window" that stars Jimmy Stewart & Grace Kelly. The story is of a photographer (Stewart) who's at home recovering from a broken leg...and basically, in his boredom, starts keeping an eye on his neighbors. He also have a STUNNINGLY beautiful and enchanting girlfriend (Kelly) who wants him to marry her...but for some reason he doesn't want to (for reasons I can't possibly comprehend). Anyway, one night he sees some suspicious activity from one of his neighbors...and he suspects MURDER!!! (Dun dun duuuuh...) So he tells his girlfriend his conspiracy theory...and she's obviously intrigued...and together they try to get evidence to prove it to the police. It's actually a very funny, thrilling and completely entertaining flick (and gentlemen, did I mention the 60's style gratuitous shots of a blonde busty ballerina with very little to do with the plot?). I would highly recommend it. This movie was recently redone as "Disturbia" but this one is so much better. Why settle for Shia LaBeouf and some random chick...when you can have THE Jimmy Stewart and THE Grace Kelly? Go out and rent it today...or join us in Gallivan Plaza on the next couple of Mondays...and you can see other Hitchcock classics like Vertigo this Monday & The Birds the following week. Sorry, Rear Window was back on the 6th of July...but hey, there's always your local Blockbuster or Netflix (shameless plug of which I'm not being compensated for...hint hint). Another cool thing about this movie...is that is was all shot basically on one set. Try not to notice while you're watching it...but it's all from that one room. Cool, right?

Killer Cougars Killed - So...remember yesterday when I reported about the fish that was killed for mildly disturbing the waters of a Swiss lake? Well, apparently this has already spread to Canada. Three cougars have been killed near the Western Canadian town Princeton, British Columbia, this month while apparently stalking human prey, police said on Tuesday. Police said that wildlife officers consider the cougars "killer cats" because they were young, hungry animals that had lost their fear of humans. In one attempted attack, a Princeton resident spotted a cougar stalking two young children who were swimming in a river, but was able to shoot the cat before it pounced, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said (Tell me you're not picturing Dudley Do-Right). "Given the young age of the children the chances of surviving the pending attack would not have been great," police said in a statement. Another cougar was killed while prowling in a campground and another near a park swimming pool, where children were playing. Princeton is a rural community in the mountains about three hours drive east of Vancouver. Wildlife experts say that cougars seem to be attracted to young children, possibly by their high-pitched voices and erratic movements, and that the cats may confuse them with the wildlife prey they normally seek (or the ghost of Michael Jackson is able to possess big cats). A two-year-old girl escaped with only minor injuries last month after her mother was able to beat away a cougar that had pounced on the child in Squamish, British Columbia. So again...the cats were walking near a river, in the forest near a campground...and near a swimming pool (like a pond), I'm guessing near the woodline...and so they had to be stopped. Again, I'm not for wild animals ripping little kids to shred, don't get me wrong...but seriously. If you're in the woods, then there's animals in there. If you only feel safe around your little purse puppy...then stay your ass at home or in your apartment on the 34th floor (God, I miss that apartment). Just a thought. As you know, I'm not a big fan of PETA either...but seriously. If you're going to save us from animals like that...at least serve them up later at a barbecue...and make sure they're delicious.

Just got back from the Incubus concert with no pictures to show. Let me tell you it was awesome being...probably the oldest person in the amphitheatre after being the youngest at the last one. Even if not the oldest, I probably the most mature. There were a lot of ladies with a lot of tattooes to look at and not feel like a creep when they catch you staring. "Like gee, that was a close one, Scoob." It was a lot of fun...and I must have been forced to listen to a CD while hanging with my brother or something...because I knew a lot more songs than I expected...but hey, maybe X96 had something to do with that too.

Well ladies & gentlemen, 24 hours from now...I will be with my sweet sweet mistress of Las Vegas, probably downing some drinks and enjoying the glitz and glamour of this desert oasis and sleeping soundly...wherever God takes me. I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend & have fun safely!!! Love ya madly!!!

Happy Birthday Baby Brother!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

T-minus two days until Vegas!!! Not that I'm super excited or anything...but it has been six months...and that's a looooong time to be without Vegas. Also, several other trips in the possible works...including checking out my future possible home Lake Tahoe in September, maybe New Orleans for Halloween, maybe New York some time...and of course, LA for the convention is still a possibility in November, so it maybe be a busy time...or maybe my financial situation will remain pretty horrible & I'll have to pick and choose...but we'll see. I'm saving pennies on my own and taking others from homeless people so something's gotta give. Other than that, there's an interesting job opportunity that presented itself here in Slick City...but ties into Lake Tahoe...but I'll elaborate more on that when I know the details. Also, do you live in Slick City & are looking for a great job? I can hook ya up...but time is of the essence so contact me as soon as possible. Now here's the news...

Expensive Smokes - A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars. Josh Muszynski (Moo-SIN'-ski) checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number — a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500. Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the obvious $15 overdraft fee. The bank corrected the error the next day. Bank of America tells WMUR-TV only the card issuer, Visa, could answer questions. Visa, in turn, referred questions to the bank. Thus the cycle is complete. I know that taxes on cigarettes are getting higher every day...but this is just ridiculous. That's more than a million billion dollars PER cigarette. However, if we can get this thing to go worldwide...perhaps America can find its way out of trade deficit with our fine tobacco products. Maybe we should focus on the French...or the Chinese. I'll talk to my buddy Barack about this.

France Update - Faced with a fall in tourist numbers due to the financial crisis and a reputation for unfriendliness (hopefully partly by my blog), the Paris tourist board has made a simple request of the city's residents: Smile. Visitors to Paris, the world's most visited city, have fallen 17% since January compared with the same period in 2008, official figures show. To counter the slump and boost revenues, the tourist board has set up stands manned by teams of "smile ambassadors" to welcome holiday-makers at the city's most popular spots. As if to heed its call, hundreds of roller-skaters formed a giant smile in Place Vendome in the city center on Sunday. "We have to work on striking and simple images. There's nothing as telling as a smile," said Paul Roll, who heads the tourist board. In May, a questionnaire carried out by travel site TripAdvisor found Paris to be the most over-rated city in Europe (the world probably), citing its high prices and unpleasant residents. Daniel Fasquelle, founder of a tourism association, said that French from all walks of life needed to play their part. "If we want tourism, which has generated more than two million jobs, to remain a major economic sector, everyone has to get behind it - professionals, elected representatives, and French people. It's the American tourist lost in Paris that we inform politely, it's the English person looking for the way in northern France who we don't get impatient with by honking our car horns." Paris is doing more than trying to make its residents smile to draw in more visitors. It is now possible to enjoy a virtual visit of the Champs-Elysees, the so-called "most beautiful avenue in the world," on the website www.ChampsElysees.org. Plans for a string of new luxury hotels are also in the pipeline, and Secretary of State for Tourism, Herve Novelli, is counting on a cut in VAT in the restaurant industry, which came into force on July 1st to boost tourism. Tourism's down really all over the board...but it's good to see France trying to overcome it by...well, not being so damn cranky. It's not our fault everything over there is overpriced and smells funny...especially the food. It's not our fault you keep losing all the wars. Don't take it out on us. You may think we talk funny...but we think the same of you. It's okay. ("Hamburger" "Ambugaaah" "No, hamburger") Can't we all just get along and enjoy the beautiful sights that we all have to share. Also, not to brag or anything...but we already have some of your finer things right here in the United States, like french fried potaters, the works of Luc Besson, Jean Reno, a bunch of your best models...and this chick. You can keep your Invalides and your Louvre. Seriously, your biggest attraction...is a f**king radio tower. The Mona Lisa's a crappy painting anyway. I have absolutely no idea why it's so revered. Somebody please explain this to me. It's a portrait of a grumpy chick. Not even a hot grumpy chick like you see in magazines. On that note, here are some pictures from my trips to France last year...and again back in the last millennium. Please enjoy...

Fountainbleau

"Are those dogs pissing?"

The Village of Giverny - Like in all those Monet paintings

Those one's almost in Monet-vision

Versailles

Paris on the 4th of July, 1999

I'm the tall guy with the umbrella & fannie pack

Ladies, I obviously just get sexier with age...

so come and get it while the price is cheap

Countdown to the millennium

French cuisine

Escargots tastes like rubber dipped in garlic

Invalides & Napoleon's Tomb

Le Cathedral de Notre Dame

Princess Di Memorial

Really wish I had a better camera this entire trip

Sunset on the River Seine

Swiss Fish Monster Killed - Police divers have ended the reign of terror of a huge fish that was attacking swimmers in a Swiss lake. The zander, which was 70 centimeters (about two feet) long and weighed eight kilos (17.5 pounds) was harpooned on Sunday after it bit six swimmers over the weekend, fish warden Fabio Croci told local media. Two swimmers were treated in hospital for bite wounds up to 10 centimeters (four inches) long after being attacked on Lac Majeur, which borders Italy, he added. Police divers at first tried to capture the carnivorous fish with a net, but when this failed they pursued the zander with a harpoon and managed to kill it. The meat from the captured fish was served up to tourists at the lake (at a nominal fee, I'm sure). "It is quite unusual for zanders to bite humans", Croci said, adding he suspected the fish was suffering from a hormonal imbalance (Guppy-MS?) which could be responsible for its aggression. So allow me just to reiterate this story, the way that I read it. Okay, so there was this lake in the Swiss Alps...and people were swimming in it...and a fish, granted a fairly large fish, nibbled on a few of them. Two of them bad enough to require a Band-Aid and some antibiotic. So trying to remain neutral, the Swiss fishermen tried to catch it in a net and...I would like to think put it in a non-swimming lake...but no such place exist, so they were probably just going to kill it after suffocating it with oxygen while netting it...and then, so as not to let it go to waste, eat it or sell it for a handsome profit. After all it's 17 pounds of fish with some fight in it...which must taste delicious. Instead they were unable to "humanely maintain" the fish...so they harpooned it, gutted it and served it as le Speciale du Jour. Their explanation why: It was on the rag and had to be put down one way or the other. Ladies, keep this response in mind the next time that you start yelling at us because we're trying to help you out around the house when you're having a heavy flow day. Just something to keep in mind is all. It probably won't happen...but a precedent has been set. By the way, we still love ya, ladies. I'm just playing with ya. I just think it's hilarious that they killed & filleted a fish for nibbling on some tourists. I guess the Swiss are trying to help tourism now too. I can see this phenomenon spreading worldwide...and just imagine the possibilities. Let's say you want to go to...Africa. Oh yeah. Let's say...you were startled in the evening on safari by the roar of a lion. This precedent would imply...the next morning, you and a few of your guides would go deep into the Serengeti...and get you a souvenir lion hide...and eat like KINGS!!! Let's say you go to Australia and...for example, a dingo wakes your baby (not eats...wakes) then you're entitled to some dingo...at a nominal fee. I like it. I'll keep you posted.

Well, that'll do it for my little jaunt today. Big day with regards to my job future...but I don't want to get ahead of myself just yet. Also, I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to my little brother Kiel. He's a good dude. A little nerdy. Very arrogant. A big pain in the ass. Sometimes I just don't understand the decision he makes. Like EVER!!! That being said, he's a great father...and more importantly, he's my brother...and I love the little b**ch.

Yes, at one time, I did sleep with my brother

Check out this cake!!!

Ah, the young family...

with the father apparently in witness protection

I ALWAYS looked fly in any suit

Chuck, Grandma Love, my brother & me

"Honey, just run over the pedestrians. Don't slow down."

Happy birthday bro!!! Have a great day everybody!!!

One-Eyed Willy's Booby Traps

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So yeah, looked into the Lake Tahoe thing a bit...and bounced the idea off a few people...and I like how it's looking. Basically, I expect a poor man's Vegas in the mountains with a lake thrown in. Am I setting the expectations too high? I mean...it's not the entertainment capital of the world...but they do have an annual Shakespearean Festival. Also, it's like a 7-8 hour drive across a barren wasteland to get back home to Slick City for the holidays...just like Denver was. Southwest also flies there...though most flights have to go through Vegas (tear...) before anywhere else. I've even found some apartments near where I'll be working that are somewhat affordable...but then again, you can't trust everything you read on the internet. Definitely going to have to take a road trip out there to check it out. Anybody wanna go with me? So yeah, here are the movies I saw over the weekend.

First up was the "Speed Racer" movie from the Wachowski Brothers, who brought you the Matrix trilogy & V for Vendetta. This is the movie adaptation of the 60's anime classic Speed Racer about...well, racing. Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) is the new kid on the circuit and winning some races with the help of his parents (John Goodman & Susan Sarandon), his girlfriend Trixie (Christina Ricci) and his little brother & a monkey. Now, big corporate racing wants to sponsor him...but he doesn't trust them...as well he shouldn't. Now he's teaming up with the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox) to bring them down and make racing a legitimate sport again. Basically, I wouldn't recommend this movie if you susceptible to seizures as it's a LOT of flashing lights and motion really quick...for a little over two hours. Other than that, it's pretty good and I'd say check it out if you're a fan of racing movies...or the old cartoon series. Some of the visuals were pretty cool...but there's really no limit when you're using a green screen.

Next was a French movie called "District B13" brought to you by Luc Besson (the guy behind La Femme Nikita, Leon the Professional and of course...the Fifth Element). This is just a bad ass action movie with a lot of that parkour stuff. You know, the guys running through the city doing backflips off parking structures and sliding through fences and jumping over cars and what-not. Think Tony Jaa & Jackie Chan type stuff...only you know, old school Jackie Chan...not the Karate Kid remake Jackie Chan. Oh yeah, the story...ugh well, this movie was made in 2004...so the story is that it's 2010 in Paris and some of the worst neighborhoods have been fenced off from the rest into this districts. The worst of which is District B13. Well, a nuclear warhead has been stolen...and it's in B13...so they send in a supercop, teamed up with a thug from that area who was wrongly imprisoned and is trying to save his little sister (hottie French girl of course...and the ONLY girl in the entire movie). Yeah, it's a pretty sweet movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it because I'm a HUGE fan of martial arts movies...and this definitely had that kind of feel...but with a French accent. I'd highly recommend it if you're into such movies as well.

Last for the weekend was "Sling Blade" which was the movie that catapulted Billy Bob Thornton to fame...as well it should because he wrote, directed, starred and probably catered it. Basically it's the story of a man name Karl (Thornton) who was put into a sanitarium when he was a young boy because he killed his mom & some douche (watch the movie for details) and after like thirty years, they let him go. Obviously he's never really lived in the outside world...and really doesn't have any kind of education or social graces...but he does have a knack for fixing small engines, so the warden sets him up with a job and a place to live. Well, Karl meets a young boy and they become friends...and he introduced him to his mom, her boss (John Ritter) and her abusive boyfriend (Dwight Yoakum). They get closer and closer...and the boy & his mom invite to live in their garage...but the boyfriend is basically a prick to anyone & everyone...and the story goes from there. I'd say check it out if you're into dramas. It kind of felt like watching Forrest Gump but with a creepier Tom Hanks...and there was always this thought in my head of "This guy f**ked Angelina...a lot. God damn it, I need to become an actor." It's a great flick...but I'll warn ya...it's a little slow at parts and is about two and a half hours. Still, I highly recommend it. It won a bunch of Academy Awards. There's even a little cameo by Robert Duvall.

Monday at work, I was paid to watch the Richard Donner classic from my childhood entitled "The Goonies" with a bunch of future stars like Corey Feldman, Sean Astin, Josh Brolin, and Joey Pants. Now, let's forget for a moment that I was paid handsomely to watch it...because that's irrelevant (just really cool) but I hadn't seen the movie in many years...and I had completely forgotten how many times they said "sh*t" back when you could say *t repeatedly in a PG movie. Now, even when watching Speed Racer, I thought it was odd that it was rated PG yet there was explosions, threats of violence...and yes, Speed said "sh*t" but it was in context, I guess. Growing up, Back to the Future & the Goonies were obviously PG...but they have some pretty filthy mouths. It seems we're getting more & more conservative with our kids movies...and I don't like it. For God's sake, the Goonies were going after the treasure of a guy named One-Eyed Willy. You tell me there was not a HUGE laugh in the writer's meeting when they read that aloud. "Well, it was either that or Captain Jack Meoff...so we went with One-Eyed Willy." Oh...and I'm also assuming that every single person in the history of the world has seen this movie at least a dozen times...because if you haven't, you should...or you're probably from France or lived in a cave or something. Of course it gets my highest recommendation as a classic...even though there's an incredible number of loopholes in the plot...but hey, it's a kids flick...and this is the news...

Barbie Q Update - Okay, so remember a few weeks ago when I told you about the barbecue pit with the scantily clad mannequin in Ohio whose livelihood was threatened because some prudish people thought of it as distracting to passing motorists? No, well here's the link. Now, BarBe Q, the shapely mannequin outside KT's Barbecue restaurant in Reading, Ohio, can continue wearing her revealing halter top and short shorts. On May 13th, the city's Design Review Board agreed to let BarBe Q remain on display outside as long as she dressed more modestly...but restaurant owner Kenny Tessel appealed, and Monday night Reading's Board of Zoning Appeals agreed with him 3-2. He had told the design review board that the advertising gimmick had increased his business by 40%. "I am very happy," Tessel told The Cincinnati Enquirer. "Now, we can get back to business." Can't wait to...never visit Reading, Ohio...but hey, good for you, Mr Tessel. Keep up the great work of fighting the Man.

German Sex Academy - Please, no poop jokes. Wannabe Latin lovers can improve their technique by playing with the erogenous zones of naked mannequins (and not be assaulted by mall security guards again) at a new interactive exhibition that has now opened in Berlin. The "Amora sex academy" that opened in Berlin on Thursday welcomes visitors with the wry slogan, "Finally -- an exhibition for those who always have to touch everything." More than 50 interactive displays guide visitors through the intimate areas of the male and female bodies, offering helpful tips on everything from striptease to oral sex and how to achieve a perfect orgasm (hmm...). "A lot of couples come in here together to learn something," said Uta Barkow, the manager of the Beate Uhse sex chain which is hosting the academy. "It's been very well received so far. A lot of exhibits have that 'aha' effect on a lot of people." The show features several life-sized plastic models, naked and in various positions. One female mannequin light ups when touched in the right spot. A voice shrieks "That's it!" when the visitor manages to put his finger on the elusive G-spot. Next to it is what the museum called its "Spank-o-meter." It measures the level of pleasure a mannequin receives when spanked with a leather whip (yowza...this is even better than a dinosaur museum). "So far we've had just as many women in here as men. Women coming in tend to have fewer inhibitions while the men tend to be a bit more embarrassed." Just cautious...like it's a trap, I'm sure. The museum also shows film clips of various sexual positions, including the "Italian chandelier" that the viewer learns can burn up to 920 calories per hour (or about 15 calories for you minutemen out there). Founded by Frenchman Johan Rizki, the sex academy opened in London earlier this year and is also due to come to Barcelona (probably next to the Museu d'Erotica on Las Ramblas). I'll keep you posted for when this place hits Vegas, Slick City...or maybe Tahoe...but it may be a while. Apparently anything within 500 miles of Utah tends to be extremely prudish. Otherwise, I may have to visit Berlin to get my culture on...and you know, check out ALL the museums there. It's the proper thing to do, right? Besides, I should practice my German a lot more than I have for the past...decade or so. I wonder if I could even understand directions anymore.

Fortune Cookie of the Day - N/A - I know Tuesday is Panda Express Day...but alas, I showed up too late...and as the Fates would have it, they were OUT of fortune cookies. However, I was chatting with Lilie last night...and it brought about a story from my time in China a few years back...that I thought I would share with you...and it has a great fortune cookie message. Quite possibly the greatest of all time. Ready, here it goes. Well, about four years ago, I was in China...and we met this great guy who spoke fantastic English in the People's Square in Shanghai, so we invited him back to the University (study abroad program) to hang out for a while. Well, we got around to playing some cards (Go Fish, I believe) and the game was taking a long time...and we later found that it was because everybody was trying to save the same cards...but alas, this gentleman was hilarious the whole time and like I said, just a great dude. Well, he asked the person to his side, "Do you have any hearts?" "Go fish." Then he replied with a sigh...and "Man cannot win with no heart" and I kid you not, I laughed for about ten minutes straight on that one. Maybe it's just me...or maybe you just had to be there...but yeah, it was awesome.

Well, I believe that I've bored you enough for one day. Join us tomorrow when...who knows? Three days until Vegas baby!!! Can't wait. Have a great day everybody!!!