Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 $tevie Awards

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Christmas was amazing… but it’ll take me a while to post pictures because… as you may have heard, I’m moving again in a week or so… and have plenty of packing to do. Let’s just say that for the time being that I got to spend time with my mom, dad, brother, nieces, nephews, friends like Lilie, Bubbles, JL Clyde, A-Lo and I even got to see a few movies… oh and got a few presents too. Mostly clothes, which is exactly what I was hoping for. Anyway, I give to you…

The 2010 $tevies

Back by popular demand, it's the 4th Annual $tevie Awards…with your host, $teve. Based on something sent to my MySpace account a few years back (yes, MySpace). Once again, just because you're not mentioned in the $tevies doesn't mean that I don't care about you. It's simply some stupid stuff that I threw together to kind of sum up the year…and feel free to check out the numerous links to past entries to keep yourself entertained & reminisce about the year that was. So without further ado, this year's winners are...

DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR: Bubbles - Four-time winner of this award & inaugural member of the $tevie Hall of Fame. Let’s see, this year included a night on the town in Vegas, a few weekends in San Francisco, a few weekends in Tahoe, some Christmas drinks in Utah… and we may be living in the same town for the first time in almost three years. I’d better watch myself as I have a history of alcoholism in my family… and Ottawa blood. Not the best combination. An honorable mention goes to my roommate W, who was always down for a few drinks… maybe even a little too much because he stole a few bottles the first month he was living with me. So we had the talk and we haven’t had a problem since. That guy can drink though. I don’t even try to keep up with him. By the way, he just had his 35th birthday last week. He got pissy and was in bed by 7 PM… no joke. Ah well, he’s a good dude.

LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend): Isaiah - Another four-time winner & inductee to the Hall of Fame. He let my brother stay with him for a few weeks & I’m forever indebted to him for that… but because we’re old friends, his response was basically “Dude, you’ve been there for me over the years. It was about time that I paid you back.” Thanks bro. I guess he does remember the money that I’ve loaned him over the years… which is good, because I could REALLY use that many right about now. I’m still gonna give you sh*t for being 30 for the next few months too. I’ve gotta live it up while I can. Honorable mention here goes to his little brother Spitsofrantic who's been a friend just about as long. Twenty plus years.

NEWCOMER AWARD: Roommates – It was Z through the summer and then W for the past few months… but yeah, lots of good times watching football, movies, going out for a few drinks at the bar, playing softball, home cooked dinners, all that good stuff. The only downside was that they were basically the only two guys over the course of this year that I hung out with on a fairly regular basis… and even then it wasn’t like we were painting the town red… but hey, as far as newcomers when I’m going to be thirty in a matter of months, you really can’t ask for better roommates. Congratulations gentlemen!!!

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR: 4th of July Weekend – This whole year was pretty amazing out here in Tahoe. Sure, the winter wasn’t the greatest but it was still beautiful and I always seemed to find something to do. The Road Trip during my unemployment stint was absolutely amazing… and I got to see just about everybody during that three-week adventure. Many a road trip followed to Yosemite, Lassen National Park, my new home of 2011 San Francisco, even Halloween in New Orleans and a few quick trips back home to Utah… and Christmas is always a lot of fun for me… but probably my high point was when my dad, stepmom, and my stepsister’s family all came together for 4th of July weekend. I got to spend time with those that I love, we had lots of fun with fireworks & festivities in Virginia City, made a nice road trip out to San Francisco to spend a day or so there taking in the sights, even got to meet up with Bubbles for a few drinks, and I think that trip is pretty much when I became my niece Hallee’s favorite uncle. I’m really going to miss being away from her and my nephews… but I didn’t get to see them more than a few times when I was living an hour or so away. I’m sure they’ll come visit… and I’ll be sure to visit them when I’m in town too. We can always meet up with our boats and head out onto the lake for next 4th of July weekend.

LOW POINT OF THE YEAR: My Brother’s Issues – My brother has some anger issues… and maturity issues… and has just been given everything that he’s ever wanted without having to earn it… and then he likes to talk to me about how horrible his life is… because he apparently can’t play video games all day or something. I love my brother. I really do. He knows that I’m there to help him. However, it’s VERY difficult to take anything he says seriously… even if he means it with all of his heart… because he’s a stubborn jackass most of the time and his logic is flawed. The real low point was when he was calling me from the county jail (collect though the phone company wouldn’t let me answer for some reason) and when I found out why he was there… I honestly wanted him to stay there for a while. I know, it’s an evil thought… but he really did deserve it. Nobody touches my mother. Regardless, I just hope that he wises the f**k up and quit biting the hands that are feeding him and have supported him his entire life… and quit being such a douche to every single person that he comes into contact with. Not sure exactly how he got to be that way… and I’m such a nice charming fellow… but I’m sure it has something to do with recessive genes or something. I love you, bro…

BEST HOLIDAY: Christmas – Another regular award-winner. You may be asking yourself, “Why is this best holiday when you said high point was 4th of July Weekend?” You want me to repeat myself? I ramble enough as it is. Christmas is usually one of my favorite times of year anyway, but this year was good because of the usual reasons – Family, Friends, Traditions, all that lovey dovey stuff. Of course we also had a few libations along the way. I’ll elaborate a little more on this one in a future post with pictures… but yeah, great times.

SONG FOR 2010: “F**k You” by Cee-Lo – Look… the only CD’s I’ve bought this year is from the band Albino & Johnny Aloha (a.k.a. Richard Cheese) so either it was going to be a funky afro-beat song you’ve never heard of… a version of a Weezer song done with a ukulele… or this smooth soul hit that got some serious internet buzz, but I really liked it. What were my other choices this year? All I hear about it Justin Bieber & Lady Gaga (pass…) and I haven’t heard any new Kanye. Throw in a few Johnny Cash & Led Zeppelin cover bands and that’s pretty much my year. Music’s obviously a big part of my life… but most new music sucks. There, I said it… but luckily I’m moving to a city where there’s music EVERYWHERE!!! Albino plays every few weeks, plenty of bars in the area have entertainment, people sing down by the Wharf, Otis Redding’s ghost haunts the bay, I’ll be okay.

MOVIE FOR 2010: Inception – Finally watched this one over the Christmas holiday… and it’s pretty damn good. The only problem was that I watched the first half-hour or so with my niece & nephew wanting to play… and I can never turn them down, so I had my brother catch me up once or twice after they were put to bed. Anyway, great cast, unusual premise, great flick, it seems that Christopher Nolan & Quentin Tarantino always seems to win these things… but I’d like to give a special shout-out to “Tron: Legacy” starring Jeff Bridges as the Digital Dude & Garrett Hedlund (“Four Brothers”) which I was in IMAX 3D and it was pretty good as well. “Machete” was EXTREMELY close to winning it this year… but it’s okay… because he’s apparently coming back for a sequel.

VIDEO GAME FOR 2010: Madden NFL 11 – It’s the only one that I bought this year. It had no competition. Video games aren’t as big a thing as they used to be. I hardly ever play them anymore. My Rock Band guitar broke (and there’s nobody to play with in Tahoe anyway). I’m sure if I find the right living situation with roommates though… Rock Band may get back into the winner column… but this year, there is a new champion… and it’s the Philadelphia Eagles with MVP (Michael Vick Playaaaa…). I also bought a 3D Batman game the other day... but have yet to play it. Just imagine it on the big projector screen. It should be epic.

TV SHOW FOR 2010: Blue Mountain State – Though Dollhouse is no longer with us, I actually really like this blatantly offensive show about a college football team on Spike TV. It’s genuinely funny… and the use of hot college girls is truly commendable. The League should also get recognition because it also has to do with football (sorta) and is a hilarious show. I’m also glad that Conan O’Brien’s back on the air after that circle jerk… and my favorite news programs, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart & The Colbert Report. If it weren’t for the host getting on my nerves from time to time, Ghost Adventures would probably be higher on the list too… but alas. Also, as you know, I’m a fan of other TV shows that I’ve only recently caught up on like Supernatural, Dexter, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Chuck and of course the usual gaggle of adult cartoons & It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH: Old Sac – Yeah, I definitely gotta do better with regards to Valentine’s Day celebrations. This last year, I went to Sacramento for the first time, had some decent soul food, wandered around Old Sacramento & defended the honor of two ladies from a gaggle of douches… but spent my night alone once again. Who knows? Maybe 2011 will be the year that I have someone special to Love on February 14th. I’ve got a little over six weeks to make it happen. Chop chop…

BEST RELATIONSHIP: Gretchen – It’s also kinda sad that probably the best relationship I’ve had this year was with my Jeep… but hey, she’s the only one that would go on these romantic road trips with me. Not only were we there for each other during the frozen winter of the Sierras… but we took time to see all of the Tahoe area, Sacramento, a few trips to San Francisco, Half Moon Bay, Monterey, Hearst Castle, Los Angeles, Newport Coast, Las Vegas, Cedar City, Slick City, Yosemite, Lassen National Park, many trips to Reno (for affordable groceries & fun), and with moving to the Golden Coast… you can bet your sweet bippy there are plenty more in store. I’m thinking a few trips north along the coast to the Redwoods and Seattle might be cool. I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

HALLOWEEN COSTUME: Waldeaux – Yes, it took me a while to post the pictures of my Halloween adventure to New Orleans… but admit it, they were worth the wait. The old school “Where’s Waldo?” with a Big Easy twist, Waldeaux is by far the sexiest version yet… and at least two ladies from Texas agree. It may be my costume next year too. You never know. I get really lazy sometimes… then again, hearing drunk people yell out “HEY WALDO!!! I FOUND YOU, MAN!!!” gets old after a few hours.

RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR: Hiro’s Sushi – All you can eat sushi across the street from Kings Beach on Lake Tahoe… and less than $25. You can’t go wrong. Pretty good service too… and half price on food if you eat at the bar. Twist my arm… big thanks to JL Clyde for suggesting it.

BOOK OF THE YEAR: The Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyers – Okay, you know that I will hopefully never be forced to watch the movies or read the angsty teenage crap that these books represent… but then you may be asking, “Why would you even mention it?” Okay, so last week, my brother calls me for the first time in like a week… and he starts out by saying, “Dude! I watched the worst movie EVER… and I just had to call you and tell you about it.” So then he goes on for (I sh*t you not) 45 minutes about how stupid the 2nd Twilight movie is (New Moon?) and how the vampires aren’t vampires… and the werewolves aren’t werewolves, they’re guys who turn into dogs… and I forget how he told it to me, but because I deduced that the girl Bella is immune to their powers because she has no soul (I stand by my statement). Anyway, the best part is… the next day, he calls me up again… and tells me that he not only rewatched the first movie… but watched number two… and number three… and then talked again for about 45 minutes about how stupid they all were. “Then why the hell did you watch them?” He never really gave me an excuse, just went on talking about how bad they were & how he would’ve changed it. Oh the story still isn’t over. The next day, my dad called… and he had just spent the day with my brother because he had the day off. I chatted with my dad about football and whatever else like we usually do… and then he talked about hanging out with Kiel & the kids… and I just had to ask, “Hey… ugh… did he happen to mention any movies that he say recently?” “YEAH!!! He talked with me for about an hour about that Twilight stuff that (my stepmom) hates… and I was just like… if it’s so bad, why did you watch ALL OF THEM??? I think he’s turning into a desperate housewife, son.” I would have to agree. So anyway, I didn’t really read anything this year, so instead I give you a story.

BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR: Coming to Tahoe, then Moving On – I know my big decision last year was pestering Tahoe to get out here… and now it’s a year later & I’m looking to get out… but yeah, this year has been absolutely amazing. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed myself & had some amazing adventures… but as mentioned a few times before, I just don’t think I can take the winters here right now when I’m already feeling kind of lonely & isolated. So with that in mind, I’m moving on… and that takes me ever westward along I-80 to San Francisco. Basically, if I feel lonely & isolated there… then it’s just something genuinely wrong with me… because it’ll be something like 50,000 people per square mile instead of the… I don’t know, 5 people per square mile that it is here. I really do think that it’ll be a great move for me… both personally & professionally. I really do want to crack down and get back to working out a bit… and learning Spanish & Mandarin like I said that I would two years ago (once I get Rosetta Stone working on my POS computer… and it’s not like I don’t have plenty of opportunity to practice in the Mission or Chinatown) and just getting out there and have fun too. I’m sure that Bubbles will help me break out of my little shell. It’s going to be another amazing year in the City.

PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR: Live, Love & Grow Each Day – Simple, right? I just have to make sure that I’m not wasting away my talents and this wonderful life and opportunities that I have been given. It’s so simple… and yet sometimes I still feel like I’m not doing enough… but hey, it’ll really help when I’m able to go outside year-round and there are plenty of people to spend my precious time with & help others. True, it’s pretty much my own fault that I feel unfulfilled and that I’m not doing enough… but I just have to focus & work hard so as not to feel that way. When I’m feeling bored & complacent, maybe that’s just a sign that I need to get off my ass and do something… even if it’s just go for a jog around on the beach or get on the computer and learn how to order dumplings authentically in Chinatown. Who knows? Maybe my journey will continue westward into the Far East when it’s all said & done… but that’s a LONG drive in a moving van. The possibilities are endless though. That’s all I’m saying. I just can’t be afraid of success.

STUPIDEST IDEA WHEN DRUNK: N/A – Didn’t really do anything too stupid this past year while drunk. It never affected my softball playing because I wasn’t that good anyway. Hell, it probably helped. Never drove under the influence, and I have the warning after getting a lot of sobriety tests after the Zepparella concert with Pork Chop to prove it. Halloween was surprisingly tame with regards to “the morning after” and I just had a pretty good buzz the entire week… but the worst that can come from that was… maybe karaoke? Singing “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by the Darkness? No, that was still amazing. Maybe I said some things that probably weren’t the best idea… but it was just me being honest & open with friends, family & loved ones… and that’s how I am normally. I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities for mechanical bulls, tranny prostitutes, getting lost in the wee hours of the morning, maybe even a walk of shame or two in the upcoming year with a trip to Vegas with the Wingman, 30th birthday cruise in April and just general fun & craziness when I’m living in the City with Bubbles nearby. I’ll be sure to keep you posted… and what I can’t remember… there’s always the police report & eyewitness accounts to fill in the blanks. “Dude, where’s my car?” “Where’s your car, dude?”

BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR: All of the Above – Just another big year of changes and it seems like that’s all I’ve been doing for a while is adapting. I know my address hasn’t technically changed yet this fiscal year… but yeah, it’s changing yet again. Whether it’s learning new surroundings, setting up residency & utilities there, my family changing every day, my niece & nephew getting bigger by the hour, friends moving all over the place, getting married, having kids of their own, losing jobs, moving to get jobs, getting sick or hurt, major changes all over the place…but hey, that’s the one constant, right? It’s all quite exciting. Frustrating at times…but exciting none the less. The key is just to learn & grow with the changes… and I can’t tell you how excited I am about the possibilities of the Bay Area.

BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG AWARD: BP & GOP – It’s tough for me to decide… but if I had to go with one personification this year (besides my brother) then I would have to go with Tony Hayward, CEO of BP. Sure, it’s not his fault specifically that the pipe burst and flooded the Gulf of Mexico with oil… and you almost had to feel bad for him when he’s on national TV apologizing… but then you remember that he’s a douche and he deserves all the criticism he gets. As for the GOP, I commend them in finding all the loopholes to get whatever the f**k they want done in congress (as opposed to the Bush years when they just did whatever they wanted), but seriously? Do something besides b**ch about nothing & let’s get this nation back on track. Then again, if you all want to suffocate the country into the next Great Depression, may you all die of syphilis. God bless.


  • Travel more... or at least as much – You know that’s true
  • Find a good girl who likes me too – I’m at least going somewhere they’re single
  • Have more sex... preferably with a woman nearby - Sigh...
  • Pursue another part-time job... maybe as a late night radio DJ - I’m still thinking Handsome Companion has some potential
  • Play more basketball. I miss our times together – Did shoot a lot of hoops in the summer, but the team thing fell apart. Maybe I can get in on a San Fran recreation league
  • Give more to charity & donate time, blood, plasma, sperm, hair, feces, whatever they'll take – A few jackets at a clothing drive and change at convenience stores… but there are Red Crosses in San Fran, I’m sure… so back to giving for others
  • Dance more... preferably with a woman nearby – The Gala was amazing… and I finally taught Bubbles how to Cha Cha
  • Swear less (now that my nieces & nephews are getting spongier) – They ain’t learning it from me but they’re great kids, miss them tons
  • Should I swear off Mountain Dew? – Drinking much more juice and water than Mountain Dew now
  • Nah, maybe just eat healthier...or cook more – Definitely cooking more
  • Remember JJ – She’s officially married… and she has a blog now too… I inspired her
  • Smack more asses (a.k.a. More forward with the opposite sex) - I've smacked a few asses this year…and had them returned
  • Drive my Baby more – My buddy Chris will send me pictures of her from Utah once in a while… and it tears my heart
  • Most importantly, make sure everybody out there knows how much I love & care for them - You all know, right?

  • Make Denver my new home – F**k Denver!!! The office went straight downhill since I left…
  • Find that Love I've been looking for – Still looking…
  • Progress in my job & learn everything about the industry – I was a Jack-of-all-trades this last year
  • Don't Settle for Mediocrity – Well, Tahoe is beyond mediocre, that’s for sure
  • Learn another language (Spanish or Mandarin…to go along with English & German) – Couldn’t get Rosetta Stone to work on my computer… but soon I may be able to afford a new one
  • Renew my Passport…and use it – Renewed but not used… but I’ve got the cruise in early May
  • Get my body ripped… like Jesus – Not quite there… but not too bad, if I say so myself
  • Movie Nights with neighbors and new friends in Denver – (clear throat) F**K… DENVER!!!
  • Play in a Recreational Basketball League – Didn’t happen… but I did play in a softball league
  • Make sure everybody out there knows how much I love & care for them STILL!!!

  • Make the Truckee / Tahoe / Reno area my new home (jinx) – Yeah… I guess I did jinx it…
  • Live Frugally, Yet Well – Had to just to survive… but dang did I do it well
  • Stay in Touch – Ugh… yeah, I’ve been doing that via technology & road trips
  • Birthday Roadtrip – HELL YEAH!!! Got the big birthday bash on a boat in a few months to follow it
  • Progress in my Career, Not Just Settle for What’s Given – Learned a lot… but wasn’t going anywhere
  • Basically all the stuff I said in previous years that I haven’t yet done – Hence why I update this list just about every year

  • Basically it’s all the above stuff

So yeah, it’s been a fantastic year… and I’m hella excited about what 2011 has in store. Gonna go check out a Journey cover band tonight… and brave sub-zero temperatures (no joke) and then spend a three-day weekend packing up for the big move, then four days of work… and then I’m officially starting the transition to a resident of San Francisco. Yeah… just a week away. Are you nervous? I am a little bit… but it’ll be a fantastic change for me. I can feel it. Good vibrations and all that. I hope that you all have had a wonderful year as well… and I wish you all nothing but the best for 2011. Have a great year everybody!!!

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