Christmas 2011

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Here’s a brief summary of my Christmas vacation back to Utah… please enjoy…

Tuesday

Work was the usual… but afterwards, I met up with Carmen & her roommate for a party celebrating the first night of Hannukah complete with plenty of their friends, great food & spinning the dreidel. I don’t mean to brag… but I kinda walked away with the most kisses that night… Hershey’s Kisses of course, as was the currency of dreidel… but still. I may have also met a very nice future prospect for my new year’s dating resolution. HOLLA!!! After that, I packed for my trip to Utah…

Wednesday

Went to work again, full day… then Super Shuttle to Oakland airport and just before midnight made it into SLC basically go to sleep. Nothing really to tell about this day other than big ups to my stepmom for picking me up at the airport… and damn Utah is much colder than San Francisco. I had to pull out the old Tahoe gear… and there really wasn’t much snow at all, just cold. Apparently it’s been a problem with the ski resorts here in the West.

Thursday

Met up with my mama for lunch at Garcia’s restaurant in Layton near her work. Fun fact: When I was a young’un we would go to Garcia’s all the time for great Mexican food at a great price… but it wasn’t until I was a teenager that I realized that it was Garcia’s as opposed to “Gracias!” Why? Well, I was told as a kid that’s how you say thank you in Spanish when they bring you your dinner… so I would say it to them… and it’s just two letters switched. You know how kids are. Anyway, we had a good lunch. Also, if you’re wondering what I got my mom for Xmas… I got her exactly what she wanted… Peanut M&Ms and ammo for her gun. You’ll notice that the guns are a running theme for this Christmas for some reason. I have a redneck family.

After lunch, I met up with my brother at his house (where else?) and played with the niece & nephew for a bit as he tried to show me all the new games & gadgets that he had… and stuff on the internet. We also watched “Cowboys & Aliens” starring Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford & Olivia Wilde. For those of you who don’t know, it’s basically just what it sounds like… cowboys fighting aliens back in the Old West. However, if you attempt to watch it with my brother, which I did, he will tell you throughout the entire movie while you’re trying to watch it, that it’s based on true events… and there is evidence that even the outlaw Jesse James wrote in his journal that he shot at a flying demon bird and it made a “ping” sound when he did… and then he’ll go on to tell you that he believes we’re all experiments of aliens and such for several hours… even after you’ve asked him to stop talking a few times so that you can watch the movie. He means well… but has absolutely no social skills whatsoever. Oh… and the movie was actually better than I expected too… from what I could tell. I’d say check it out if you’re interested. It’s not award winning but… Bond & Indy are in it with a dash of Olivia Wilde.

Later that night was a movie that I was really excited about called “Drive” starring Ryan Gosling. From what I was told, it was a movie about a guy simply known as Driver (Gosling) going around on a vengeance-fueled killing spree, which sounded right up my alley for a guilty pleasure. However, it was nominated for awards… so I figured that was BS. Well, it’s about a stunt driver / mechanic / wheelman who gets involved in a robbery, the bad guys threaten a girl & her son who he met a few weeks earlier, and so then he goes around killing them. However, it’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds. There are very long-paused awkward conversations… the soundtrack is something out of Grand Theft Auto 80’s techno… but all in all, I enjoyed it for the most part. Not sure about a few things in the movie… and it’s VERY violent so make sure the kiddies are put to bed… and I have NO IDEA why the director is being tabbed to do “Wonder Woman” as his next project… but yeah, still a pretty good movie, though it does tend to drag a bit. I highly recommend it if you think you can stand that.

Friday

My aunt Faye babysat the kids so my brother, dad, stepmom & I went to see “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol” starring Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner & Simon Pegg. This 4th installment find Ethan Hunt (Cruise) and his team in the midst of an international incident where the Kremlin blows up… and they are disavowed. To clear their names, save their backsides, and keep the world from falling into nuclear war, they alone can bring down the bad guys. It’s an action movie… with plenty of intrigue & comic relief from Simon Pegg… so yeah, I’d say give it a shot… but anything else would give away about the movie.

That night was my Mom’s family Xmas party, which always boasts well over a hundred attendees (my mom is one of 17 kids… and they’ve pretty much all got grandkids by now) so it’s quite the spectacle. I met up with a lot of my relatives that I obviously rarely see… and it was good fun. I even got a pretty sweet present… Buck Shot Shotglasses. I told you guns would be a theme of this trip…

Later that night, my brother & I watched “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” starring James Franco & John Lithgow. The story is an extreme prequel to the “Planet of the Apes” series and goes into how apes came to take over Earth (spoiler alert if you’ve never seen any of the movie before). A young scientist (Franco) is trying to find the cure for Alzheimer’s to help his ailing father (Lithgow) and the rest of the world. When a few promising experiments go wrong, the company if forced to terminate the ape subjects… but he sneaks out a baby ape to raise & teach on his own, naming it Caesar. Caesar turns out to be supersmart thanks to the serum he’s been working on… but then the trouble begins. Caesar doesn’t want to be a pet. He also injured a neighbor who was messing with John Lithgow & was put in a horrible ape sanctuary or whatever… and basically, he tries to escape. Honestly, the movie was pretty f**king awesome. I really liked it. The subtle facial features of Caesar (portrayed by Andy Serkis from the LOTR trilogy & King Kong) and just the story in general was done very well. I highly recommend it.

Fun Fact: My brother said something that was basically a new “stupidest thing I’ve ever heard my brother say” award winner. Now, my bro has said some stupid sh*t in his life… and done even worse. Previous winner was a few years ago before he even had kids to watch, but basically just loafed at home all day. He once complained to me “Why doesn’t anybody hang out with me during the week when I have nothing to do?” My response was basically, “Ugh… seriously? Most people work during the week (you dumb bastard).” There have been stupider but that one always stood out to me. However, this one blew it completely out of the water. Okay… so after we watch the Apes movie, he says to me something along the lines of “You know, humans are actually the most like fish of any animal in the animal kingdom.” That statement paused me in my tracks. Read it again if you have to. My interest was peaked. “Wow. Please. Explain that to me.” He went on to tell me how we are like apes (only about 99.99% genetically), our skin is most like pigs, and a few other things having nothing to do with fish… so I asked him, “You realize… that you said that humans… are most like FISH, right? Like… fish… in the ocean? Not apes or pigs?” “Yeah?” “Okay, so how?” He went on to explain that because we swim in the ocean… THAT is why we are most like fish… because apes, pigs, dogs, reptiles, etc won’t go swim in the ocean or traverse somewhere outside of their habitat. “Well… not to burst your bubble, bro… but neither will fish. They just swim in the ocean… as do dolphins, whales… and seals & walruses when they’re not on the beach.” “Well yeah but… still… we’re most like fish because of that.” Sigh… your logic is flawed… and I honestly thinks that of all the animals in the animal kingdom, we are LEAST like fish. I gave you a chance to correct your response… but there you go. I don’t know, what do you think? Are we more like fish because… I don’t know, they’re the only other animal with schools? Even if the meanings are completely different? I worry for those kids sometimes…

Saturday – Christmas Eve

C-Rock came over with his daughter Sara, who I hadn’t seen in a probably four years. She’s nine now & lives in Texas with her mom, but was with her dad for the holidays. She seemed like any other nine-year old… playing with her Nintendo DS and such. It was great to see her though… and hang out with C-Rock for a while.

After they stopped by, my brother took me Xmas shopping for MY gift at Best Buy. He ended up getting me “Assassin’s Creed 2” saying that it’s a good game but he also bought “L.A. Noire” which is a detective game set back in 40’s Hollywood. We ended playing it for a few hours and it seems like a pretty cool game. You investigate crime scenes, get involved in a few shootouts, put puzzles together, drive nice old cars, read peoples faces to determine whether they’re being truthful or not (I’m much better than my brother at that aspect of the game BTW) but yeah, pretty cool for the first few levels that we played.

That night was my stepmom’s family party… and it was a lot like the usual… so I’ll spare talking about it & here are the pictures from the Nativity Story… enjoy…

Kairi as Mother Mary...

Vinny as an angel...

Family photo from a few years ago...

back when I had glasses apparently

Sunday – Christmas

Christmas night, I slept on the couch next to the Christmas tree… so the kids woke me up and I responded with “Oh my gosh! Where did all these presents come from? That Santa must be a ninja wizard of some sorts!” My mom & stepdad came down at 7 AM for Christmas at my brothers…

"Thunder, thunder, THUNDERCATS!!! HOOOOOO!!!"

Then we went to my dad’s for Christmas brunch there at 10 AM with my stepsisters…

Then I went to my mom’s to finish up Christmas there with my Aunt Pat & cousin Alicia…

Quick question: Forget all the vanilla with a dash of pine...

but what exactly does Black Ice smell like? Death?

We also had a nice dinner with the family up at my mom’s… and that’s where I spent the night. I also got to read bedtime stories to the kiddies… and Vinny even got to snuggle with Uncle $teve which he was really excited about. I know that may sound weird… but hey, he’s a kid… and he loves his Uncle $teve. Ain’t no NAMBLA / Penn State stuff going on. Just good times with the family…

Monday

Lazy day up until we met up with Aunt Pat to take the kids to see “Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked” starring Jason Lee. The chipmunks are lost on a deserted island, the Chipettes are there too, and a crazy lady on a Cast Away kick… great for kids. Only really redeemable part was David Cross’ character Ian who is actually kind of funny at times. “Look, I once saw Snoop Dogg start a fire by rubbing two carrot sticks together, I think I know what I’m doing.” Yeah… chipmunks.

Later that night, I didn’t have control of the movie selection, so we watched some made for TV thing on Netflix called “Golden Christmas 2” which starred the mom from Wonder Years and a bunch of nobodys, though the main girl was hot (why she’s in the movie). Basically, it’s about some dogs, some people, a past relationship, they bump into eachother, “Is this fate?”, throw in a few teenagers, sage-like advice from old neighbors, “I should just tell him”, new fiance’s a b**ch, blah blah blah. You know how it ends… and I didn’t even tell you the story. What could possibly get this movie out of my head?

Yeah, I next picked the “He-Man & She-Ra Christmas Special” which… so horrible… but it has all the usual ridiculousness of Christmas specials combined with the ridiculousness of the He-Man AND She-Ra cartoons… including Skeletor playing a Grinch… and a few Earth kids for good measure… and Santa Claus. Yeah, it’s what you would expect. Merry Christmas, Eternia!

Tuesday

The kids made me breakfast & then we painted...

I met up to have lunch with K-Fish at Taggart’s in Morgan again… great food & we caught up on the past few months. Then hung out with my brother for a few before meeting up for sushi with Lilie, the Mad Scientist & JL Clyde… again catching up on going-ons & enjoying some finely prepared culinary treats. I was even around for an electronic cigarette break that apparently lasts over an hour, unlike standard cigarette breaks… but simply a great day to catch up with friends before the new year. I really miss those guys & gals… but hey, it just means that we can visit each other when we get a chance.

Wednesday

We woke up & drove out to the desert for some shootin’ with my dad, bro & C-Rock. There were a plethora of weapons to choose from… and I honestly hadn’t fired anything in a decade… so yeah, good times… and apparently I’m a pretty good shot for a first time. Here are some pictures…

After that, it was basically the flight home through a disease ridden airport & being a little under the weather the past few days because of it. Yay! Anyway, that was Christmas. Big thanks to all of my wonderful family & friends out there for making this yet another exhausting & exciting trip!!! I miss & love y’all madly!!! See ya next year if not sooner…

Spongebob Squarepants: A Tale of Terror

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

SUPER excited about my upcoming trip to Utah. I can’t wait to hand out presents & hugs like they’re going out of style. Don’t worry, I’ll take a few pictures here & there too so that you can enjoy the cuteness of my crazy family. Until then, just been finalizing everything for year end here in San Francisco… making sure my accounts are in order… you know, just doing my thing. Hasn’t been the best week at work… but hey, that’s what the weekend’s for. The worst part is… most of the drama associated with it… isn’t my fault. I’d feel differently if it were, like that I just need to do better & be better at my job. However, it’s not just me. Anyway, it’ll get settled. It’s just ridiculousness… and I need to cover my backside as always. F**king ridiculous… but speaking of which…

The other night, I watched a much anticipated addition to Netflix, “Snow White: A Tale of Terror” starring Sigourney Weaver & Sam Neill. There are currently two big budget Snow White remakes out there being produced as I’ve told you before… but this one was from 1997 and is a much darker & truer to the original Grimm tale retelling. How dark? Well, the opening scene… before the title is even shown… there is a horrible carriage crash, the driver is ripped apart by wolves, a very pregnant passenger is impaled, forcing her husband (Neill) to literally carve the child from her womb to save it… oh by the way, this movie is rated R. Okay, it’s not quite as gruesome as it sounds (more implied brutality off screen with a river of blood going through the snow) but still… it’s no Disney flick. Anyway, you may have guessed that this baby grows up to be Snow White… and the tale kind of follows the usual path from there. The evil stepmother (Weaver) is introduced… and she’s a wicked witch… and tries to kill Snow White… and she goes into the woods, meets up with miners (who only one of them is actually a dwarf), she ends up falling for one of them (as opposed to Prince Charming though he’s in here too), but the differences are a stillborn fetus that stepmother is trying to bring to life (including a scene of stepmother ridding her bedridden father for seed), dwarves… er, her seven companions dropping like flies in magical cave collapses, wind storms, window shoves, just not what you would expect… and I really enjoyed it. It’s a creepy completely different from the original remake & I recommend it for anybody looking for a little anti-wholesomeness kick. Sigourney does a great job… and I kind of see the producers of this movie coming up with this idea in the mid 90’s like “Dude, we should totally make a rated R Snow White!” “What… like a porno?” “No… but that’s not a bad idea either. Have you read the original Grimm children’s tales? Especially those German ones? They’re f**king DARK!!! People chopping off limbs & sh*t in Cinderella.” “F’real?” “Yeah… so we need to bring that to TODAY!!! Picture it… Snow White… but with lots of blood. We could get some badass chick to be the stepmother like ugh… I don’t know… OOH!!! The chick from Aliens!!!” “NICE!!! What about her dad?” “I don’t know… but it’s gotta be somebody who does a good crazy.” “Yeah… OOOH! I was having a crazy movie marathon with my buddies the other day… how about Sam Neill?” “The guy from Jurassic Park Sam Neill?” “No, the guy from Event Horizon & In the Mouth of Madness Sam Neill.” “Heeellll yeah, boy!!! When he freaks out on the bus… we need that guy in this movie…” Sad thing is… I’m probably not too far off. Anyway, check it out.

Thursday night was basketball with the work team, our last regular season game but I think we have playoffs next week. We played a pretty good game but as usual, I was the only big & we didn’t rebound well. I was also getting hacked the entire game and they called about a quarter of them. One guy seriously came down the lane like a f**king running back, I stood there with my hands up, he plowed into me (I may have a broken rib or two by the way) and nothing was called either way. Seriously? We ended up losing by 10 because they were hitting all of their threes with me cleaning up the paint as usual, but yeah… we’re optimistic for next season. Still… what hurts most about the game last night… isn’t that we lost a close game that we should’ve had… or that we have one win this year on a last second tip in… it’s seriously my f**king ribs. He hit right in the big ribs just below the sternum so they’re kind of free floating besides a little cartilage & the organs underneath. Elbowed him pretty good later on in the game grabbing a rebound… but it definitely wasn’t enough. Oh well, I’ll just be sore for a few days hopefully. Like I said, even IF they’re broken, it’s just a little bit at the end, nothing major. It was a good shot if he were a boxer. Anyway, enough of that… to the news…

A Third Crank? Really? – As you may know, some of my favorite guilty pleasure movies… are the two “Crank” movies starring Jason Statham. They’re just so bad that they’re good… and as long as you don’t look for a real plot or logic, they’re quite entertaining on a basic level. Well, even though the main character died at the end of the first one… to come back and wreak havoc yet again on the sequel… to (spoiler alert) literally flip off the audience as he burned alive to say “Yeah, you paid $12 a pop to see this crap in theatres” and now… there may actually be a movie to finish the trilogy. Director Mark Nevedine (who also brought you “Jonah Hex”) tells Empire that not only is a third "Crank" film being planned, they're trying to get "Luther" and "Thor" star Idris Elba in the next one. Nevedine and his cohort Brian Taylor recently shot "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" with Elba. Nevedine says "we joking-but-not-quite-jokingly joked about that with Idris while we were over in Romania and Turkey. Just trying to figure out a way of getting him into Crank 3. There are so many different ways that Crank 3 could go. We’ve been talking about the top 50 ideas we what to do for Crank 3, so we’re just trying to pair them down. By the way, Crank 3 is going to happen, the studios are really excited about it – it’s just all about timing." I don’t know what’s more unnerving honestly… that they’re going to make a third movie… or that they had a “top 50 ideas” of how they could do it. Time travel? Cyborg Chev? Is he a vampire? And yes… despite the last film's ending, Jason Statham WILL be back as Chev Chellios in this outing. How does the director / writer explain it? Simple. "With Crank, basically, you insert another quarter and you play the game again. It’s kind of like what thrills me and Brian, it’s whatever we feel like doing there in the moment, whatever we wanna do, we just do and make it happen. The important thing is what powers Chev. It was adrenaline that kept him alive in the first one, it was electricity in the second one, you know, it’s all about what will keep him alive in the third one. It’s just fun slinging those ideas around." So what powers him in the third? Is it nuclear power? Solar power? Coal? Love? Chicken grease? The Force? Ecstasy? Critical reviews? Tebowmania? Only time will tell. In the meantime, you get to see their latest film for the halls of history… the Ghost Rider sequel. I forget, does this one still have vampires in it? Oh wait, no… they switched it to the Devil instead of Dracula. And I seem to remember hearing that the Highlander is in it too… okay, so just Christopher Lambert but still. Wait, maybe that’s it!!! Chev Chelios… is the Highlander!!! It makes perfect sense now. He’s yet to be decapitated. You’re welcome, Nevedine / Taylor! No go forth & screw up my brilliant idea…

Give Into the Dark Side – Speaking of the Force, police in Portland, Ore, were alerted to a disturbance (in the Force?) Wednesday night after a man allegedly went on a rampage with a plastic light saber at a local Toys R Us store. After fielding a 9-1-1 call, police officers made their way to the scene, only to find that the attacker had left the store and was continuing his assault in the parking lot. And according to the local police report, the situation only became stranger after that: “Officers arrived and attempted to take the suspect into custody but he continued to swing the light saber and was yelling incoherent statements (“Who is Jar Jar? Mos Eisley? Is that in Iran, sir?”). One officer attempted to use a Taser but it was ineffective. A second officer used a Taser which made good contact but the suspect used the light saber to break one of the wires.” Yes, that's right: The attacker used his light saber to deflect two Taser blasts. The police officers were eventually able to subdue the 33-year-old man, who has not yet been named publicly. Portland Police Sgt. Pete Simpson said that none of the victims of the light saber attack needed medical attention. The light saber has carved out quite a place in American popular culture. The infamous "Star Wars kid," was one of the Internet's first memes and even President Obama flashed a toy light saber on the White House lawn… but it’s obviously rare to see a Jedi rampage like this outside of YouTube. By the way, where’s the video? You know there has to be. Everybody has a video phone nowadays. A little something to brighten up your day… the image of police officers taking down a Star Wars nerd gone berserk.

Keanu Update – A few months ago I told you about this… but now it’s official. Keanu Reeves has obtained funding for "Man Of Tai Chi", the bilingual martial arts feature which marks his directorial debut for Universal Pictures, Wanda Media, Village Roadshow and China Film Group reports Reuters. Tiger Chen plays a young martial artist whose fighting skills bring him "to a realm of vast opportunities and painful choices." Reeves will play the villain and says the aim is to do a "good, solid kung fu movie". Filmed in both Mandarin and English, the project contains EIGHTEEN fights which tally up to around forty minutes of combat. Shooting begins in Beijing with additional filming in Hong Kong and Macau. Fun fact: Apparently Keanu knows kung fu too… and I can only dream of a day where he’s matched up against the great Fu Manchu… played by Nicolas Cage. It would truly be epic. Say what you will about Keanu… but he’s a method actor… but he still doesn’t have sh*t on this guy…

Lincoln Update – So apparently there was a photo released the other week of Daniel Day Lewis taking a break from playing the titular role on Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" biopic. At the time a lot of people were commenting about how well the actor was made up to look like the famed former U.S. President. It turns out… that wasn't make-up. "That's not actually his Lincoln beard, that's just what he looks like right now. He wasn't in hair, makeup, wardrobe, or anything when that picture was taken. He had just gone out that evening, he was just having dinner, and someone snapped a photo of him. But doesn't he look like Lincoln in blue jeans? I had friends who called me going, 'Oh my God, oh my God, it looks like Lincoln!' It's pretty remarkable when you look at that photo, and you say, 'Oh my God, he really embodies Lincoln,' because he does" producer Kathleen Kennedy told The Playlist during promotion for "The Adventures of Tintin" and "War Horse". Kennedy also confirmed that with the film focusing on the last few months of Lincoln's life and the pushing of the 13th Amendment through Congress, there will be "no war scenes, we're not doing the Civil War." Instead they are "primarily basing the story out of Washington" with many scenes being shot in the antechambers of the capitol building in Richmond, Virginia which will double as the White House and Congress. The point of this story… nobody can hold a candle to Daniel Day-Lewis when it comes to method acting. The man goes all in. In fact, I’m pretty sure that in preparation for “There Will Be Blood” that he bludgeoned a guy to death in a bowling alley. His agent refused to comment… but that also means that he didn’t deny the claims. Anyway, super excited about this flick… and have been for several years. I forget, is Harrison Ford still playing Andrew Johnson? I know Sally Field is still in as Mary Todd Lincoln & Tommy Lee Jones is in it somewhere. Good times!

Apocalypse Update: Ocean Farts – For years, I’ve been telling you how the end will come via snakes… but there’s a new twist. Russian scientists have discovered hundreds of plumes of methane gas, some 1,000 meters in diameter, bubbling to the surface of the Arctic Ocean. Scientists are concerned that as the Arctic Shelf recedes, the unprecedented levels of gas released could greatly accelerate global climate change. How does this happen? Igor Semiletov of the Russian Academy of Sciences tells the UK's Independent that the plumes of methane (a gas 20 times as harmful as carbon dioxide) have shocked scientists who have been studying the region for decades. "Earlier we found torch-like structures like this but they were only tens of meters in diameter," he said. "This is the first time that we've found continuous, powerful and impressive seeping structures, more than 1,000 metres in diameter. It's amazing." Semiletov said that while his research team has discovered more than 100 plumes, they estimate there to be "thousands" over the wider area, extending from the Russian mainland to the East Siberian Arctic Shelf. "In a very small area, less than 10,000 square miles, we have counted more than 100 fountains, or torch-like structures, bubbling through the water column and injected directly into the atmosphere from the seabed," Semiletov said. "We carried out checks at about 115 stationary points and discovered methane fields of a fantastic scale — I think on a scale not seen before. Some plumes were a kilometer or more wide and the emissions went directly into the atmosphere — the concentration was a hundred times higher than normal.” What does it mean? Well, Mother Earth has gas. Lots of it… and she’s letting it loose. Now, this may be good in a sense that she’s letting off a little steam the old fashioned way… through her anus (aka Russia). But then again, it may mean that there’s a lot of pressure within Mother Earth her… and that may mean a lot of these gaseous emissions… and possibly volcanic activity & tectonic shifts. Just a theory… but I guess just be careful out there.

On A Lighter Note – Since I can’t leave you on a downer like that, let’s talk about the recombination of two comedic legends. Jim Carrey is set to star with Steve Carell in the comedy "Burt Wonderstone" at New Line reports Deadline. Set in the world of rival Las Vegas magicians, Steve Carell plays half of a once-successful Las Vegas magic duo who reunite to square off against a rising hot-shot street magician (Carrey). Really? Jim Carrey is a younger hotshot in this movie? Interesting. Also, Olivia Wilde (“Tron: Legacy”) and Steve Buscemi (“Reservoir Dogs” & “Boardwalk Empire”) are the latest to join the rival magician comedy. Wilde will play Carell’s love interest, who at first is his assistant but later works for Carrey (the tramp!). Wilde's casting isn't yet locked with several other actresses reportedly on standby in case negotiations fall through. Buscemi will play Carell’s longtime friend and partner who quits the act. Don Scardino directs from a script by Chad Kultgen, John Francis Daley, Jonathan Goldstein and Jason Reitman. Shooting kicks off in January. Think of “The Prestige” meets “Dumb & Dumber” but… in Vegas. Sounds like a perfect storm to me.

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Again, really excited about the Christmas vacation back home with the family… so I’d better start thinking about packing. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Eccentric Cat Lady

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This weekend was pretty chill. I did a little running around on Saturday and then went into full spring cleaning mode with the house for a bit. It was kind of in need of it… and besides, I’m full of surprises for my roommates. First the backyard, then Tannenbaum 2: Electric Boogaloo, then clean dishes several times a week, and now freshly cleaned & vacuumed floors and some organizing of various stuffs throughout the apartment. With that… and a friendly bonus from work, and some Christmas shopping for others & stumbling upon a good deal… I rewarded myself with a new TV upgrade in my bedroom as well. It worked out REALLY well this Sunday when it was cold & rainy outside and I wanted to watch my NFL with the projector lamp burned out… but my new 32” flat screen works just fine. MUCH better than the previous 27” tube TV that I won at a raffle ten years ago… so I think I’ve gotten my use out of it. Merry Christmas to me!!!

To test out the new TV, I first watched “Source Code” starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan & Vera Farmiga. The story is about a soldier named Colter (Gyllenhaal) who wakes up in the body of an unknown man on a commuter train… talking to a beautiful woman (Monaghan) and has no idea why. The train blows up… and he awakens from it like a dream… but is now in a lab talking to another soldier (Farmiga). The government has technology that can implant a person into somebody’s last eight minutes of memory… and they have used it to place this soldier into a world based on that memory to find the terrorist who blew up the train in order to prevent future attacks. It’s a very interesting concept… but a little far-fetched? Maybe. It’s actually a pretty fantastic flick that I would highly recommend though. Some of the methods used by Colter were questionable in deducing who the bomber was… but hey, it makes for more drama that way. Check it out…

Next up was “The Devil’s Double” starring Dominic Cooper. This was a movie that I heard about a few months ago at its release & was REALLY excited about. It was touted as “this generation’s Scarface” and stuff like that… but that’s just marketing. The plot is the true story (with some touches for the movie) of Latif Yahia, an Iraqi soldier in the late 80’s who was recruited by Uday Hussein, son of the dictator Saddam Hussein, to be his faday or body double… as they famously did to avoid assassination attempts, perform civil duties, etc. When I say recruited, it’s not like he was given a choice either. Basically he was asked, refused, then thrown in prison… then told if he didn’t do it, then his family would be raped & murdered. Basically from there, he becomes the body double… but soon realizes that Uday is basically insane… and he wants to get away from this life… but how? They own him. It’s actually a pretty chilling tale of not only life in a dictatorship, but just the awkward situation of playing decoy to one of the most hated individuals in the world… and the performance by Dominic Cooper as both Uday & Latif is actually quite remarkable. I would highly recommend this flick from director Lee Tamahori (“Die Another Day”, “The Edge” & “Mulholland Falls”).

Sunday night was the 2nd round of the playoffs and we played the #1 team in the tournament. Our gameplan was very similar to last time, a kind of ameobic zone on defense where I took control of the middle and the other four played the three point line because they were full of shooters. Also, get back on defense so there’s no transition points. Rebound everything that you can with both hands & watch for hacks at the arms (they love to do it & rarely get called). On offense, work it into me & I’ll pop out when they crash, attack the basket with the ball if you can. The strategy actually worked pretty well… and if we had hit our shots a little better, it would’ve been a really good game. Alas, we lost by ten or twelve in the end… but it was to a great team. I swear, now that we’re coming together on D & forming some kind of strategy, if we can just run a few plays on offense instead of just one-on-one ball, we may have a pretty good team. Another big might work out well too… but yeah, you can’t teach tall.

Sunday night after ball was “Our Idiot Brother” starring Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Deschanel, Emily Mortimer, Rashida Jones, Adam Scott & Steve Coogan. Yeah, pretty good cast for an independent flick, right? Opening scene: The titular character (Rudd) plays the ultimate nice guy and hooks a guy up with some weed… even though he’s a uniformed police officer. Needless to say, he goes to jail for a quick bit. When he comes out, he’s kicked out of his vegetable farm by his girlfriend and needs a place to stay… so he goes to his mother & three LOVELY sisters who are all involved with their own personal lives of housewife (Mortimer), journalist (Banks) and superhot lesbian comedian (Deschanel… with ladyfriend Jones… rrrrrrr…). Anyway, the story goes from there as he gets involved in a web of lies and is the ultimate nice guy through it all… but still gets into shenanigans. It’s actually a pretty hilarious little flick. I recommend it. Great movie about being there for your family & just taking life as it comes. Kind of like… if the Dude had super hot sisters instead of his bowling buddies.

How to Get Time Off Work – You’ve all thought about it. You don’t want to go into work on a beautiful day. How can you get out of it? Well, you can call in sick… but what if you don’t have sick days? “Boss, I can’t come in today.” “Why not?” “Well… because… my… my mom passed away. I just don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to come in today.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Don’t worry about work today… or tomorrow for that matter. You just handle her affairs, go through the grieving process, and of course bring in a copy of the obituary for HR on Wednesday.” “Alright thanks… wait, what was that last one?” Well, a 45-year-old Pennsylvania man has been charged with a crime after publishing a fake obituary of his own mother in order to get time off work. It sounds like the sort of unfeeling stunt worthy of "Seinfeld" character George Costanza, but Scott Bennett has been charged with disorderly conduct after sending in the fake obituary to the Jeffersonian Democrat newspaper, which then ran the story. Democrat editor Randy Bartley said the obituary was accepted in good faith, even though his staff had been unable to confirm the funeral arrangement details as of press time. And to paraphrase the famous Mark Twain line, reports of the woman's death were greatly exaggerated. Bennet's mother was, indeed, the whistleblower in the case, placing a series of calls to Bartley and Democrat staffers, insisting she was in fact still alive. But like any good journalism outlet, the Jeffersonian Democrat needed more facts. So Ms. Bennett showed up to the paper in person to prove her existence. Yes… this is how dedicated they are to the facts. Bartley said that, all things considered, she was "very understanding" about her own falsely reported death. Police Chief Ken Dworek says Bennett wrote up the memorial notice because he didn't want to get fired for taking time off… but didn’t consult his mother obviously. Oh what a tangled web we weave…

Downer Alert: Don’t Text & Drive - A 19-year-old pickup truck driver involved in a deadly highway pileup in Missouri last year sent or received 11 texts in the 11 minutes immediately before the accident, federal investigators said Tuesday. The driver sent six texts and received five texts, with the last text just before his pickup traveling at 55 mph crashed into the back of a tractor truck, beginning a chain collision. The pickup was rear-ended by a school bus, which in turn was rammed by a second school bus. The pickup driver and a 15-year-old student on one of the school buses were killed. Thirty-eight other people were injured in the Aug. 5, 2010, accident near Gray Summit, Mo. Nearly 50 students, mostly members of a high school band from St. James, Mo., were on the buses heading to the Six Flags St. Louis amusement park. The accident is a "big red flag for all drivers," NTSB chairman Deborah Hersman said at a meeting to determine the cause of the accident and make safety recommendations. It's not possible to know from cell phone records if the driver was typing, reaching for the phone or reading a text at the exact time of the crash, but it's clear he was manually, cognitively and visually distracted, she said. "Driving was not his only priority," Hersman said. "No call, no text, no update is worth a human life." Amen! The board is expected to recommend new restrictions on driver use of electronic devices behind the wheel. While the NTSB doesn't have the power to impose restrictions, its recommendations carry significant weight with federal regulators and congressional and state lawmakers. Missouri had a law banning drivers under 21 years old from texting while driving at the time of the crash, but wasn't aggressively enforcing the ban, board member Robert Sumwalt said. "Without the enforcement, the laws don't mean a whole lot," he said. Investigators are seeing texting, cell phone calls and other distracting behavior by operators in accidents across all modes of transportation with increasing frequency. It has become routine for investigators to immediately request the preservation of cell phone and texting records when they launch an investigation. In the last few years the board has investigated a commuter rail accident that killed 25 people in California in which the train engineer was texting; a fatal marine accident in Philadelphia in which a tugboat pilot was talking on his cellphone AND using a laptop… while allegedly driving the boat; and a Northwest Airlines flight that flew more than 100 miles past its destination because both pilots were working on their laptops. Seriously? Sh*t is real. The board has previously recommended bans on texting and cell phone use by commercial truck and bus drivers and beginning drivers, but it has stopped short of calling for a ban on the use of the devices by adults behind the wheel of passenger cars. The problem of texting while driving is getting worse despite a rush by states to ban the practice, Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood said last week. In November, Pennsylvania became the 35th state to forbid texting while driving. About two out of 10 American drivers overall — and half of drivers between 21 and 24 — say they've thumbed messages or emailed from the driver's seat, according to a survey of more than 6,000 drivers by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Does that scare the sh*t out of you too? And what's more, many drivers don't think it's dangerous when they do it — only when others do, the survey found. At any given moment last year on America's streets and highways, nearly 1 in every 100 car drivers was texting, emailing, surfing the Web or otherwise using a handheld electronic device, the safety administration said. And those activities spiked 50% over the previous year. The agency takes an annual snapshot of drivers' behavior behind the wheel by staking out intersections to count people using cellphones and other devices, as well as other distracting behavior. Oh it gets better too. Driver distraction wasn't the only significant safety problem uncovered by NTSB's investigation of the Missouri accident. Investigators said they believe the pickup driver was suffering from fatigue that may have eroded his judgment at the time of the accident. He had an average of about five and a half hours of sleep a night in the days leading up to the accident and had had fewer than five hours of sleep the night before the accident, they said. The pickup driver had no history of accidents or traffic violations, investigators said. Investigators also found significant problems with the brakes of both school buses involved in the accident. A third school bus sent to a hospital after the accident to pick up students crashed in the hospital parking lot when that bus' brakes failed. However, the brake problems didn't cause or contribute to the severity of the accident, investigators said. It apparently was just part of this perfect storm of f**kups. Besides, they’re slashing budgets for schools nationwide so it’s bound to happen with routine maintenance first. Another issue involved the difficulty passengers had exiting the first school bus after the accident. The bus' front and rear bus doors were unusable after the accident — the front door because the front bus was on top of the tractor truck cab and too high off the ground, and the rear door because the front of the bus had intruded five feet into the rear of the first bus. Passengers had to exit through an emergency window, but the raised latch on the window kept catching on clothing as students tried to escape, investigators said. Exiting was further slowed because the window design required one person to hold the window up in order for a second person to crawl through, they said. It was critical for passengers to exit as quickly as possible because a large amount of fuel puddled underneath the bus was a serious fire hazard, investigators said. Painting a picture yet? Please… do NOT text while driving. Holy sh*t, I can’t say it enough. At least when you’re drunk you’re watching the f**king road most of the time instead of concentrating on a 2” screen that you’re probably trying to keep down so that the cops don’t see anyway. Just don’t f**king do it. This concludes our PSA for today… oh wait, one more story about technology f**king things up…

Tweeted Off – TMI can usually be a bad thing. How bad? An Arkansas man who was sentenced to death for the murder of a 17-year-old boy… has had his conviction overturned. Why? A juror tweeted about pending deliberations--and the poor quality of courthouse coffee. In granting a request for the convicted 26-year-old defendant in the case, Erickson Dimas-Martinez, the Arkansas Supreme Court also found the verdict had been compromised when one of the jurors fell asleep in court. The offending tweets by juror Randy Franco did not discuss specific details of the case, but the judge had specifically warned jurors in advance and in writing, "Just remember, never discuss this case over your cell phone. And don't Twitter anybody about this case." Ladies & gentlemen, that’s what our society has been reduced to. When judging one of our peers on the basis of murder, we feel it’s necessary to shoot a text to friends or feel that somebody cares about the coffee… and we have to have responsible people warn us not to do it… in a courtroom… and in writing. Franco had taken to his Twitter account to announce that "the coffee here sucks"--and in another tweet protested by Dias-Martinez's defense team, he quoted a song lyric, evidently from a Christian metalcore band: “Choices to be made. Hearts to be broken . . . We each define the great line.” Franco--whom court documents only discussed as "Juror 2"--was not thrown off the case. But his tweeting did catch the attention of lawyers and the judge. "Juror 2′s tweets about the trial were very much public discussions," Associate Justice Donald Corbin wrote in the decision overturning Dimas-Martinez's conviction. "Even if such discussions were one-sided it is in no way appropriate for a juror to state musings, thoughts or other information about a case in such a public fashion. Most mobile phones now allow instant access to a myriad of information. Not only can jurors access Facebook, Twitter, or other social media sites but they can also access news sites that might have information about a case." In the case's appeal, the state Supreme Court found that Franco had violated instructions to not discuss the case in any manner, including through social media. Janice Vaughn, one of Dimas-Martinez lawyers, said that the ruling was "not about your right to tweet or be on Facebook. It's about protecting the right of the person who may end up behind bars or end up losing a significant amount of money in a civil case." In the opinion summary of the appeal, the Arkansas Supreme Court wrote: "Because we conclude that the one juror sleeping and a second juror tweeting constituted juror misconduct, we reverse and remand for a new trial." In addition to approving the request for a retrial, the Arkansas Supreme Court has indicated it will also review the question of whether jurors should be permitted access to mobile phone devices during trials. Wow… just wow…

Jolie Nerdgasm – Speaking of wowey wow wow… Angelina Jolie is in serious talks to star in an untitled big budget dramatic thriller to be written and directed by Luc Besson ("Leon: The Professional," "The Fifth Element") for his EuropaCorp says Deadline. All that's known about the film is that its rooted in true scientific elements and shooting would kick off next spring. Negotiations are already underway with a studio for domestic distribution. Jolie would shoot the film before she teams with Ridley Scott on his historical biopic about Gertrude Bell (writer & world traveler who helped to bring Iraq into the modern world at the turn of the century). Jeffrey Caine is currently rewriting that script. Jolie also has Disney's "Maleficent" and Fox 2000's film based on Patricia Cornwell's Kay Scarpetta novel series. So in short… we will get to first see Ms. Jolie in a historical biopic… then as a superhot superevil sorceress in a Disney flick… and then we FINALLY get to see her with some guns kicking some ass in a Luc Besson movie… and involving true scientific elements… which I’m not really sure what the context is… whether it’s elements like oxygen, lithium, xenon, etc or if it’s about quarks, time travel, cold fusion, inertia, or something like that… but still Luc Besson makes everybody a super badass. It’s true. Look at what he did with a preteen Natalie Portman… or a wafey supermodel like Milla Jovovich... and Jason Statham’s career. Fun fact: “Taken” super badass Liam Neeson is going to be 60 years old this year… and Luc gave his career a revival in action. Anyway, I’m obviously excited about it… but we’ll see when details are confirmed / released.

Eccentric Cat Lady – Everybody knows that when you’re rrrrrrrrich, you cease to be crazy & become eccentric. Well, a 4-year-old stray cat that was rescued from the streets of Rome has inherited a $13 million fortune from its owner, the wealthy widow of an Italian property tycoon. That’s right. A household pet has a million times more assets than you do. Question: How does that make you feel? Answer: Sh*tty. Maria Assunta left the fortune to her beloved kitty Tommaso when she died two weeks ago at the age of 94. The feline's newfound riches include cash, as well as properties in Rome, Milan and land in Calabria. Repeat: This pussy owns land… and piles of cash… and you have a Playstation 2. As her health began to fail two years ago, Assunta, who had no children, began to seek out a way to see that Tommaso was properly cared for after she died. In November 2009, she bequeathed her entire estate to the alley cat that she'd rescued. Initially, Assunta had instructed her attorneys to "identify an animal welfare association or group to which to leave the estate and the commitment of looking after Tommaso," according to the Daily Telegraph. Unable to find a satisfactory association to see to it that Tommaso was loved and cared for (REALLY? Not even for $13 million?), Assunta decided to leave all her money to the cat via her nurse, Stefania, who cared for her until her dying day. Her last name has not been disclosed (as it would soon become mine if it were). "She had become very fond towards the nurse who assisted her," Anna Orecchioni, one of the lawyers, told Il Messaggero newspaper. "We're convinced that Stefania is the right person to carry out the old lady's wishes. She loves animals just like the woman she devoted herself to right up until the end." Stefania told the Telegraph that she had no idea the woman that she was caring for was so incredibly wealthy. "The old lady suffered from loneliness. She looked after that cat more than you'd look after a son. I promised her that I would look after the cat when she was no longer around. She wanted to be sure that Tommaso would be loved and cuddled. But I never imagined that she had this sort of wealth," she said. "She was very discreet and quite. I knew very little of her private life. She only told me that she had suffered from loneliness a lot." Tommaso and Stefania, along with another cat, are living outside Rome at an address that is undisclosed, so to avoid con artists and potential kidnappers. "We have gotten lots of email messages from candidates who wanted to adopt the little Tommasino," the cat's lawyer told ABC News. The windfall for Tommaso places him No.3 on the list of wealthy pets, behind Kalu the chimp, whose owner left him $80 million, and top dog Gunther IV, a German shepherd who inherited $372 million from his father, Gunther III, the beloved companion of an eccentric German countess. Real estate magnate Leona Helmsley famously left $12 million to her little dog Trouble, although her human descendents contested, and Trouble's pot was cut to $2 million. Obviously this was nothing compared to the fantastic German lawyers who upheld Gunther III’s claim to $372 million. Cheese & rice!!! I love pets… but this is kind of ridiculous. It does however… bring up a pretty good point.

Loneliness makes you do some crazy sh*t. One of my favorite things to do when I’m feeling lonely (oh yes, it happens) is to think about what I would do with copious amounts of money. Like… lotto money or signing bonus for a teenager with potential in the NBA type money. Honestly, I don’t need the $15 million villa on the coast or anything like that. I’m a simple man with simple pleasures. I’ll randomly ask people from time to time “What would you do with $10,000?” Obviously it’s not a whole lot of money… but you get some interesting responses… especially if you make them think about it. Pay off student loans, college fund for kids, get out of debt, buy a car that doesn’t break down every month, outstanding medical bills, the answers typically fall under the generalization of “Get out from under the Man a little bit.” Follow that questions up with adding another zero to make it $100,000 and you start getting answers like buying a house, starting a small business that they have a passion for, startup for an invention idea, take some time off to write the next great American novel (or Italian or Chinese because I roll international) and answers more like that to become independent. Add yet another zero to a cool million… and that’s when you start getting answers like buying a Ferrari & traveling the world forever like it’s a permanent vacation. What’s my point? Were I Oprah rich, I would definitely consider giving money to friends, family & loved ones if they could convince me that it was for a good idea or a good cause. Now if my brother comes up and says he wants to use it for a super badass computer… “Why?” “So that I can play games with a great connection and…” “Let me stop you right there. How would this benefit you & yours?” “Oh ugh… I’d also use it to get a degree in computer programming… or something?” “Okay… so what about schooling for that? Have you looked into it?” “Not really.” “Maybe you should & get back to me.” It’s my money… I’ll turn it into an assignment if I want. Sh*t ain’t free. Anyway, why am I getting on this point? Many of us have plans for copious amounts of money… usually involving ourselves and our loved ones.

However, what if we don’t have loved ones? What if its just you… and your money? Sure, people want to hang out with you all the time to get some of that secondhand benefits of money… but you have this sneaking feeling that they only hang out with you because you’re rich. They don’t want to know the real you. Sure, ditzy supermodels chill by your pool after heating it up on the boudoir… but are they really with you… or just doing it for your lifestyle? You travel to your homes in Malibu, Capri, Martinique, Sanya, Sharm El Sheikh, Nice, St Moritz, wherever… but they always seem empty & unfulfilling. You long for a sense of true connection… and come up wanting because you no longer trust people that you didn’t know before the money… as those that you do pass on one-by-one… until you’re completely “alone” with your money. Then one day, you find a stray cat on the Spanish Steps… and you take it home… and you finally feel that sense of connection that you’ve been longing for so long. You feel your own time is drawing near… and you have this vast wealth that you simply can’t take with you (or I guess you could but… that would seem even more ridiculous… and then you have to worry about grave robbers). So you leave it to your loved one… that stray cat Tommaso. Doesn’t sound quite so crazy now… just sad, terribly terribly sad. The point of this rant… is that Life is about Love and building strong relationships with your family & friends and those around you, not about money (though it’s nice to not have to worry about it). Just something to think about during this holiday season when you’re around those important to you. Make sure that they know they’re important to you. You may think it goes without saying… but it’s always nice to hear it every once in a while, right? Have a great day everybody!!!

Tannenbaum II: Electric Boogaloo

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It’s been a fairly slow few days. Though I did further establish my place as coolest roommate alive by get a lovely new Christmas tree & set it up the other night. The former fake tree was sacrificed to the plastic Gods when I moved out here. It had been used for 8 Christmases though… including that one year when I decided to leave it up for the entire year because it was great lighting in my Utah apartment… so it was due for retirement. Please observe & behold… Tannenbaum 2: Electric Boogaloo!!!

Monday night, I watched “Season of the Witch” starring Nicolas Cage & Ron Perlman. The story is set back in the times of the Crusades & the Black Plague… and the people of Europe are dying all over the world. After losing interest in slaughtering peoples of the Middle East, two deserters of the Crusades (Cage & Perlman) head back to Europe… only to be recognized as deserting soldiers & given an ultimatum – Deliver an alleged witch to a church stronghold… or go to jail. Needless to say, they chose jail & died shortly after of the plague. The end. Of course that’s not the end, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. So they choose to deliver the witch… but they soon find out that this little girl does indeed seem to have supernatural powers. Could she really be a witch? Or possibly something more horrific? (Dun dun duuuuuh…) Anyway, I enjoyed it. The movie was a lot better than I was expecting (horrible reviews & the Nicolas Cage’s recent willingness to do anything for money) but it was pretty good. Best part: If you have Netflix, you can watch it RIGHT NOW on demand. By the way, if you’re not into the movie say… 15-20 minutes in, then you can just turn it off… and you’ve only lost 15-20 minutes of your life. Technology is awesome!

Oh… and funny thing. Remember how I replaced the lamp on my projector a few weeks ago when my dad was visiting? Well, apparently it has burned out again. The previous bulb lasted over 6 years… and this one lasted about 6 weeks. What the f**k? So yeah, another week or so until I get a replacement… and I would say that I may miss my NFL… but then again, I have NFL Sunday Ticket… and a PS3… and a TV upstairs (though it’s a 27” tube TV that was considered old when I got it for free 10 years ago… but it works). I just got everything hooked up last night so I haven’t ventured the Sunday Ticket yet (by the way, the bedroom has a ridiculous amount of cables in the way right now) but I’ll keep you posted… because I know you care, right?

Basketball last night was pretty horrible. We were pretty close the first half… but then we just got blown away in the second half. Why? Well, I only had two points (even went 0-for-4 from the free throw line… when they decided to call fouls which wasn’t long). They also had three bigs in the entire game… and again, it was just me & everybody else was about 5’6” & I can’t guard them all. They were also just simply a pretty good team. I think they finished 2nd last go around… but yeah, it got pretty embarrassing towards the end… because our guards couldn’t hold onto the ball & I don’t even think I touched it more than twice in the second half other than defensive rebounds & blocks. Oh well… next week is another game… and round two of the playoffs on Sunday with my other team.

Ridin’ Dirty - A naked and drunk motorist sped through central Moscow last month, crashing into 17 cars before being stopped by police who chased him across a large part of the capital, state television said. Go ahead & read that last sentence… step by step… to get the full image. "When police made him open his door, it became clear he was completely naked," said state TV, showing lines of cars with shattered windscreens and battered sides. Local media said the man, who appeared to be in his 40s, was from Moldova and showed a picture of him grinning in the back seat of a police car (so he’s a happy drunk). State TV said preliminary tests showed the driver had an "abnormally high" level of alcohol in his system. Please take into account that this is a Russian television station… saying “abnormally high” levels of alcohol in his system. TV pictures showed distressed drivers with bloodied hands and faces sitting in their cars, but police said there were no serious injuries. "The most dangerous part was when he almost hit a bus full of school children," police spokesman Gennady Bogachev told state TV, adding that four of the 17 vehicles were police cars. This is what happens when you let people in their forties play video games for the first time. They don’t know how to react. They have a bit of vodka & then they try to rack up a high score on “Grand Theft Auto: Moscow” but in real life. Thank goodness this drunken idiot didn’t hurt anybody though. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it… literally over a hundred times on this blog over the years… don’t drink & drive. Period. And for God’s sake, put some pants on. Hey ladies, what’s cooler than being cool? Russia in November. Alrightalrightalrightalrightalright…

Robocop Update – Okay, so it’s not exactly an update on the reboot in the works (or the statue in Detroit) but "Robocop" star Peter Weller is joining the cast of JJ Abrams’ "Star Trek" sequel in what is described as a principal (but unspecified) role reports Deadline. Weller joins the returning cast members along with the already set Alice Eve (“She’s Out of My League”) and Benicio Del Toro (“Traffic” & “Snatch”) with production to begin early into the new year. Fun fact: Weller has actually been a part of the 'Star Trek' universe before. The actor played a xenophobic factional leader determine to expel all aliens from our solar system in two episodes of "Star Trek: Enterprise" in 2005. So what does this mean? Well, nothing really other than Peter Weller’s going to be the in movie… and Benecio del Toro is allegedly NOT going to be KAAAAAAAAHN so then really what’s the point of the sequel? I’m sure it’ll still be good… and maybe it’s all Hollywood gossip to throw people off & KAAAAAHN’s wrath will be a part of it. We shall see.

Starship Troopers Reboot? – Say what you will about director Paul Verhoeven, but the man has made some guilty pleasures over the years… and Hollywood recognizes it. They've remade "Total Recall", they're working on a reboot of "Robocop", now a third Paul Verhoeven film is about to get another go around - "Starship Troopers". Yes, yes, I know… please calm down. I know… this is simply the greatest news you’ve heard since the Berlin Wall coming down. Producer Neal Moritz is looking into a reboot of the 1997 sci-fi cult classic and have assigned "Thor," "X-Men: First Class" and frequent "Fringe" writers Ashley Edward Miller and Zack Stentz to do the script according to Vulture. Based on a novel by Robert A. Heinlein, Verhoeven's film followed a futuristic military unit as they progress from recruit to infantry to ranking officers against the backdrop of an interstellar war between mankind and a giant arachnoid species known as "the Bugs". Really no more explanation or elaboration on that is needed… and thank God because I had a lot of questions as a kid. The film boasted impressive Oscar nominated visual effects, gory violence, healthy doses of male and female nudity, a cast of young unknowns with oodles of sex appeal, and a tone that blended war-time action with an often campy skewering of fascism - the latter irony seemingly lost on some critics and viewers at the time. Hmm… speaking of unknowns, I wonder what Casper van Diem does when he’s not starring in sequels of this series. I mean… it can’t pay too well. Does he have a day job? Anyway, point is… “Would you like to know more?” Of course you would. Love that flick… and now it gets a reboot. The question remains though… Can new versions of his three other Hollywood films be far behind? Could the next Sharon Stone be recast for “Basic Instinct: Beginnings”? Could a new group of Hollywood hopefuls careers be shat down the toilet in a “Showgirls” reboot? Mmm… could the timeless beauty of Elisabeth Shue & the most deliciously named man in the industry Kevin Bacon be involved in another “Hollow Man” sequel? Only time will tell… but will there be time?

Apocalypse Update – As you know, the inevitable apocalypse is almost always at the forefront of my mind… with the exceptions being distractions by shiny objects, catchy tunes & the female form. It is also well known that I’ve documented stories supporting my theory that the apocalypse will not come with a horrific explosion… but rather a slither as snakes lead an army of animals against us. Well, here’s yet another story of them possibly coaxing humans to assist them in their world domination. A snake charmer in India released 40 poisonous snakes, including a number of cobras, onto the floor of a Government Land Registry Office to protest the delay of a new land permit. The UK Guardian reports that the man, reportedly named Hakkul (yes, only one name… like Cher or Socrates or Beavis), also accused bureaucrats in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh of demanding bribes for his land application: "I am a conservationist and have been seeking the government's help. Having waited patiently for so long, I had no option but to leave all my snakes in this office," Hakkul told the Telegraph. Clearly he had no other choice. Simple freedoms like this are what we sometimes take for granted in America. Is the DMV taking too damn long with your registration? SURPRISE! Now you’ve got a snake infestation to worry about too. Why don’t you just gimme my sticker please? Anyway, the story goes that he said he received promise of a land permit two years ago so that he would have a place for his snakes to live. Fun fact: Despite their world-famous reputations, snake charmers are actually illegal in India, which is why the government says it has continued to delay Hakkul's request. In fact, the Indian government recently began implanting some snakes with tracking devices in order to protect them from what critics say is a cruel and inhumane practice. It’s a practice similar to when a farmer in Humboldt County asks for a land permit for growing a marijuana field… and so the institution delays the process until they at least pretend that it’s for growing corn or wheat or something. "He had applied for a plot of land to keep his snakes," Subhash Mani Tripathi, the head of land-revenue administration, told the AFP. "But there is no provision for such a business. Instead of seeking a written reply, which we would have issued, Hakkul created panic by letting loose a bunch of snakes all over the office." No one was hurt after Hakkul released the snakes, which were eventually captured by forestry department officials. So what do you think? Was Hakkul just a man at the end of his rope & without the proper BS’ing skills to say that he was going to create a snake sanctuary as opposed to place for his illegal practice (kind of like saying that you need a building permit for a brothel as opposed to women’s shelter)? Or has he formed a traitorous allegiance with the serpents in order to gain favor when they rule? Or did the snakes charm him? Or did the mighty Cobra Commander implement a microchip into his brain, controlling his actions? Whatever the sssssituation may be, sssssh*t issss getting real. So please watch yourselves out there…

Anyway, that’ll do it for this entry. Did a lot of my Christmas shopping online… and I’d love to share what I got people… but I’m sure a few of them actually read this thing… so maybe another day. Damn, can’t believe it’s almost 2012 already. I’d better get thinking about the 2011 $tevie Awards too. Such a busy time of the year, right? Oh… and apparently we have basketball back soon. I’ve actually already bought a few upper bowl tickets for when the Spurs come to play the Warriors on my 31st birthday in April. It should be awesome. However… I’m not sure what the hell is going on with the Chris Paul being traded to the Lakers move getting vetoed by the league. Can they really do that? It seemed to me that all three teams involved were getting a pretty sweet deal… hence why they all agreed to it. The Hornets got a sh*t load of good players & a good draft pick in exchange for a guy who is only going to play (disgruntledly) for one more year anyway. Then the commissioner stepped in & said they couldn’t do it… because he’s going to the Lakers? I think that’s what he’s saying? Regardless, the three teams are now threatening to sue so I hope it’ll be overturned & go as planned as it should be… but whatever. They’re all rich as hell anyway. It’s just a horrible way to start this new era of basketball after the lockout with more chicken sh*t stuff… and you know I don’t care for the Lakers… I’m just want the Hornets to get something for very little… and the integrity of a team managing itself to be upheld… but I digress. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

What Is Good In Life?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

So… you may have noticed from the 6-7 entries finally getting posted in the last few days… but my roommates & I are now proud owners of an internet connection again!!! It only took a month after starting the process (must be a California thing). Also, the backyard is has the basic framework established now… and come spring time, I can start with clearing up the patches of unwanted plant life amongst the wood chips and make it look all HGTV. Observe…

Let’s see… what else has been going on lately? Oh, I’ve actually been dominating & therefore winning a few basketball games with my respective rec teams. On Thursday, my work team & I won in the final moments despite a really sloppy game on our part. I played pretty well scoring half of our points… and after a while they tried doing a whole Hack-a-Shaq kind of thing… until I hit 9-out-of-10 from the line… and then the referees just stopped calling fouls. Regardless, we won on a tip-in in the closing seconds followed by a defensive stop that I called. See, they had this guy who all he did was the LeBron James Crab Walk or whatever it’s called, where he basically just barrels into the lane against the guy guarding him & then goes up strong & shoots drawing the foul. He had been doing it the whole game… but because I was help defense, I would block the shot, but the foul would always be called regardless. So I basically told my team with 7 seconds on the clock that’s what he was going to do… and just do a toro kind of thing to let him slide by when he drops his head… and when he comes up, he’ll be disoriented because he won’t hit anything, there will be no foul called, he’s already picked up his dribble… and he had to face me blocking his shot. Needless to say, they listened… and that’s exactly what happened. We won. Celebratory drinks after the game at Final Final.

On Sunday, it was the playoffs with my other team (that we’ve one once since May). We knew that we were going against a team that likes to beat you on the fast break & just ran a little motion offense (played them before a while back). With that in mind, we devised a strategy that everybody liked & could easily execute. We did a zone on defense with me in the middle because there was no way that they were going to bring it within the three point line… and if they did, then all the other guys had quick hands to deflect outlet passes and start the fast break the other way. Also, that meant a lot of three-point attempts… to long rebounds… to fast breaks for us the other way. On offense, we wanted fast break first… but if they scored (rarely did) or we had to slow it down, it was basically agreed that I would post up low right from the start & if I was single covered, then they’d dump it into me for a quick shot (usually a layup or hard foul sending me to the line). When they started doubling me & the passes weren’t coming in, then the plan was that they were just going to pop a three & I should just establish good rebounding position & keep their bigs out. It worked like a charm… and we ended up leading by 25 at the half & winning by about 35 against a team ranked higher than us. Oh… and we only had five guys so we played the whole game. Next week is round two of the playoffs. Good times.

We’re at just about two weeks until my holiday trip back to Utah to see the family & friends. Now is the time to schedule an appointment as I’m quite the popular guy… but I’ll be there the full week, which is great. The parents are excited to see me… as well as my niece & nephew. They chatted with me over the weekend & they were talking about making cookies with me & the like. They’re such sweethearts. Anyway, aside from that, it was a pretty standard week. Got involved in a little fiasco at work but… whatever, apparently I’m not perfect & I didn’t cover my a$$ so… yeah, lesson learned. Here are a few movies that I saw though…

First up was “Unknown” starring Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger & January Jones (“Mad Men”) as well as directed by Jaume Collet-Serra (“Orphan” & “House of Wax” oddly enough). The story is about a man (Neeson) who awakens from a coma after a car accident to find out that some one has taken on his identity & that no one, not even his wife (Jones), believes him. Who else could he be? He has no identification, no cards or other information that would help him. How do you prove who you are when not even your own wife believes you? Why doesn’t she? Are the doctors right? Maybe it’s a side effect from the coma… but then who am I? I can only be this person. The movie does a great job at putting you in the state of mind that… maybe… the guy isn’t who he thinks he is. The evidence is stacked against him… maybe he just hit his head really hard. However, that would make for a pretty boring movie… possibly independent, though a good one. So with the help of the taxi driver from the car crash (Kruger), he sets out to find answers. I would highly recommend this movie… especially if you like mystery thrillers with a healthy dose of action.

Next up was “Super 8” starring… a bunch of kids really. Kyle Chandler (“Friday Night Lights” TV series) was in it but it’s mostly kids… and directed by JJ Abrams (“Cloverfield” & “Star Trek”). Set in the summer of ’79, this group of small town teenage kids are out filming for their own zombie flick… when all of a sudden there’s a horrific train crash that they witness. Searching through the rubble, they run into one of their respected townspeople & he gives them an eerie warning… and then the military comes in to immediately clean up… and basically, there’s a mystery to be solved. That was on the train? What did the guy mean? Why is the military shutting down the city? Of course, only this band of young’uns can help save the day. It’s pretty much “Cloverfield” meets “The Goonies” in a way… and I really liked it, being an aspiring filmmaker myself (but with no initiative… or friends really). The way that it was done too was pretty good so that all ages could watch it… though it does get a little intense so maybe only desensitized children should check it out. Oh… and there’s a teenage love story. Sell that to the ladies in your life…

Saturday, my roommate & I watched “30 Minutes or Less” starring Jesse Eisenberg, Aziz Ansari, Danny McBride & Nick Swardson… and directed by Ruben Fleischer (“Zombieland”). This raunchy comedy is about a pizza delivery guy named Nick (Eisenberg) who has a bomb vest strapped to him by a pair of idiotic criminals (McBride & Swardson) and instructed to get them $100,000 by the end of the day… or explode. How do you get that kind of money in a day? Rob a bank, of course. So he asks his friend Chet (Ansari) to help him out in this crazy quest… and hijinx ensue. Of course, I really liked this movie because it involves bank robbing… and it’s just hilarious… and there are even great cameos by Fred Ward & Michael Pena. I would highly recommend it. Though I kept having trouble figuring out why the guy who made Facebook needed to rob a bank… but once you get past that, it’s pretty good. HAHA!!! “Social Network” reference… and I’m easily amused.

Sunday night was watching the “Conan the Barbarian” reboot starring Jason Momoa (“Game of Thrones”), Stephen Lang “Avatar”), Rose McGowan (“Planet Terror”) & Rachel Nichols (“GI Joe”)… and directed by Marcus Nispel (“Pathfinder” & reboots of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” & “Friday the 13th”). Based on the comics, it chronicles the story of a young barbarian named Conan (Momoa) from a savagely gifted young boy whose father is killed by an evil warrior bent on world domination through a magic crown (Lang) and his sorceress daughter (McGowan). His life from then on is to find his father’s murderer… and of course be the most badass barbarian there is. Twenty years later, he finally finds out where he is & oddly enough it’s about the time he runs into this “pure being” (Nichols) who is the key to his father’s murderer unlocking the power of the crown & controlling the world. Now… I’m pretty sure that I’ve told you this… but I’m a huge fan of the original. Why? It was the real start of the Governator. Also, think about it… barbarian is in the title… so what better way to tell his tale then basically having a narrator (in this case, the one & only Morgan Freeman) setting the stage of this fantasy world for the first 30-45 minutes… and basically all you hear the barbarian say is grunts & shouts during fighting & training sequences and the occasional “CROM!” or other one liners? It was PERFECT in its simplicity. How simple was it? The aforementioned dialogue or rather lack thereof, the main character wanted nothing to do with a love interest, he was there to do one thing & one thing only – To crush his enemies, see them driven before him, and to hear the lamentations of their women. Well… I’m a little old fashioned, so I like stories to be well established and THEN go into the action or conflict… but that doesn’t work for today’s audiences. Start off with blood, guts & nudity… with a healthy dose of CGI & keep it coming. Throw in a tale of vengeance & a love interest with a happy ending… and boom, you’ve got a movie. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just saying it’s the norm… and an effective one. That being said, I enjoyed this movie even though it was pretty predictable. However, I enjoyed the original movies much much more. For the reasons already stated… and honestly, do you remember the scene before Conan’s big battle?

“Crom! I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many. That’s what’s important. Valor pleases you, Crom; so grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen… then to HELL with you!” Seriously, that gets me more riled up than a Ray Lewis pregame speech. Yes, even better than Tebowing. Anyway… maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s the whole anti-hero aspect of Conan. He’s not doing it for good or justice or all the oppressed people of the world. He’s doing it for himself. He’s doing it for vengeance. He’s just getting his dad’s sword (legacy) back. He’s not a complicated man. Or a simple man. He’s a barbarian. Pure & simple.

Panda Update – Speaking of pure & simple, I thought that I would end this entry with the latest installment of panda cuteness. A pair of pampered giant pandas arrived in Scotland on Sunday to a reception of cheering and flag-waving crowds while British officials said the 10-year loan of the bears by China strengthened ties between the two countries. Tian Tian and Yang Guang (whose names in English are Sweetie and Sunshine) arrived at Edinburgh airport after flying in from Chengdu, Sichuan province, and were later greeted at Edinburgh zoo by around 450 people waving Chinese and Scottish flags. "Scotland's relationship with China is hugely important and the pandas represent a fantastic opportunity to deepen our business, cultural and diplomatic ties," said Scotland's Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon. Since the 1950s, China has given away pandas as gestures of goodwill in what has come to be known as "panda diplomacy." Modern China gave its first pair of giant pandas to Britain in 1974. British Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg said: "I know that a huge amount of work has gone into securing their loan and they will be a great showcase for UK-China links in science and research." Afforded a reception worthy of a state visit, the bears' journey on a private plane was no less extravagant, with four crew members, two attendants, one veterinarian and a cargo handler among the retinue. Ahead of the flight, veterinarian Tang Chunxiang said he was worried about the pandas' nerves and fear of flying. "They might get air sick, they may get a bit dizzy on the plane," he said. "...if there is any problem, we have brought some simple medicine." Glenfiddich, I’m guessing. Visible through clear containers after being unloaded from the plane, the bears appeared nonplussed by the fanfare, one munching on food calmly as a photographer snapped away nearby. The eight-year-old pair, raised at the Giant Panda Conservation and Research Centre in Ya'an, Sichuan, will become Britain's first pair of breeding pandas in 17 years. Iain Valentine, director of conservation and research at the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland, was pleased that five years of negotiation with the Chinese authorities had finally paid off. "This is the exciting bit, this is the bit I have been waiting for a very long time," he said. Tian Tian and Yang Guang will not go on display at Edinburgh Zoo for at least a week, until they have settled into their new surrounds. They will remain there for 10 years, after which they, and any young they have, will be returned to China. Edinburgh Zoo said that, as part of the loan deal, it would pay $1 million (637,105 pounds) a year to China, 90% of which would pay for conservation and genetics research. Yeah, you read that right… a million per year just to lease them. The zoo will also have to find up to $100,000 a year to provide around 18,000 kg (almost 20 tons) of bamboo shoots, most of which will come from a special nursery outside Amsterdam (tehehe, it’s funny cuz it’s true). Considered a national treasure, the giant panda is seen as having come back from the brink of extinction, but remains under threat from logging, agriculture and rapid urbanization. There are an estimated 1,600 living wild in China, almost all in Sichuan. Around 300 are in captivity around the world, the vast majority of them inside China. Pandas are notoriously difficult to breed because females ovulate only once a year and can only become pregnant during a two- or three-day period. Also, most males have little to no idea what they’re doing… which is where my invention of panda porn over six years ago has really helped out… but that’s not the point. The point is… if you’re ever checking out Edinburgh (which you definitely should) then now you can see a panda too. Probably wearing a dress & bagpipes if you play your cards right.

Anyway, that’ll end it for today. Oh… except to mention that the University of Utah will be playing Georgia Tech in the Sun Bowl… but in the Kraft Hunger Bowl, which I have tickets for on New Year’s Eve Day, instead we will get UCLA against Illinois. I’m a little disappointed because I would much rather see the U & G-Tech’s triple option… instead of two teams with a combined losing record & no coaches... but whatever. I also don’t have to go to El Paso to see it. I can take a 30 minute bus ride. Have a great day everybody!!!