Thursday, May 7, 2015

Mad Max: Fury Road

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

There’s a new contender for Movie of the Year… and it’s mutha f**kin’ “Mad Max: Fury Road” starring Tom Hardy, Academy Award winner Charlize Theron, Nicholas Hoult, Zoe Kravitz, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley & the great Nathan Jones… and directed by George Miller. Who’s George Miller? What might you know him from? Well… he directed the original & legendary Mad Max trilogy (complete MAAAAAYAAAAAN movie trilogy) as well as… wait for it… BOTH “Happy Feet” movies… “Babe: Pig in the City”… and “Lorenzo’s Oil”. That’s… quite the diverse director… just wanted to point that out. Anyway, this movie is set in a post-apocalyptic world where after a giant nuclear war, global warming, all that stuff… the world is a barren wasteland where the few survivors are basically roving bands of marauders who are out to simply survive… somehow. There’s basically no water… no food… only a sh*t ton of fabricated, souped-up Hemi-powered death machines like something out of Marilyn Manson’s wet dream… and an entire generation of people who know nothing except how to survive… by any means necessary. In walks Max (Hardy) whose wife & daughter were gruesomely murdered (in the original movie back in 1978, but only referenced in quick flashbacks & visions in this movie) and he basically roams the world looking for means to survive… until he’s snagged up by a group of other marauders. From there, he finds himself as a low-level marauder’s blood bag (yup) and in the middle of the pursuit of a woman (Theron) who’s stolen a War Rig (fully loaded gas tanker) and heading off to the mythical Green Place… and from there… you’ll have to see the movie.
What I Loved:
·     INTENSITY!!! – This movie… f**k… this movie… basically grabs you by the f**king balls from the first minute… and doesn’t let go for a full two-hours. Yes, there are times between the AMAZING action scenes where the movie quiets down so there’s… you know… dialogue between characters… but even then, they’re short, to-the-point, and it’s almost always with a sense of danger just over the horizon and there’s constantly an immediate threat while they speak.
·     It Knows What It Is – This is a Car Chase Movie… correction, THE Car Chase Movie (possibly new Platinum Medal winner on my movie list) so even with a trilogy of previous movie episodes cataloging the adventures of Mad Max, his history is basically just glossed over. Why not? You want to know more about him? Watch the previous movies. Do you want to know more about the pasts of other characters in this movie? They’ve just been trying to survive… it doesn’t matter to them… it shouldn’t matter to you. What matters is the moment they’re in right now& their primal needs to make it to the next day without being ripped apart by tricked-out pickups or fed to their neighbors. Forced Love Interest? Pass. Don’t need it. The whole movie is visual eye candy.
·     Physical Effects vs. CGI – Director George Miller was LEGENDARY for his use of actual physical stunts… complete with stuntmen driving fired-up death machines through very real obstacles with the original trilogy. This movie… obviously there is CGI… because it’s a movie made since 1993… but there’s also a LOT of real stuntmen doing real sh*t. There are all sorts of maxed-out vehicles that look like they’ve been rolled in rust… there are heavily-costumed motorcyclists leaping high into the air, hucking explosives at a tanker truck at high speed, and then NOT DYING upon landing in a canyon… there’s a LOT of people crawling UNDER THE TANKER… there are people on long, flexible poles swinging from vehicle to vehicle… it’s f**king insane… and as far as CGI… you’re like “Okay… that storm’s not real” but honestly… it’s VERY difficult to tell most of the time (like aside from the 3D slowdown stuff).
·     Vehicles & Sets – The set designer& prop department for this movie should be nominated for all of the awards. I’m also throwing in the sound team… it’s f**king amazing! As mentioned, the vehicles are tricked-out & amazing… the different groups of people are all pretty distinct & oddly enthralling… like I want to know the stories going on in their towns… the city sets are gritty, dirty & disgusting… yet completely believable in many ways. I loved it.

·     R-Rated… but not really – So this movie is rated R for violence and disturbing images & situations and all that… and I wouldn’t take an 8-year old to see it unless he’s already seen some sh*t… but that being said… it’s not really THAT violent. Most of the violence like fistfights, stabbings, blunt force objects, falling off high speed vehicles, chainsaws, flamethrowers… it all happens so fast & is shot in a way that you barely see anything. A man’s face is ripped off… but it’s basically over 3-4 frames of film. A baby is cut out of a dying woman… but it’s done below screen and you just see the surgeon doing his thing. There’s basically no swearing… just a LOT of yelling & intense words. There are about a half dozen women in this movie whose sole purpose is to be f**king eye candy… yet they’re always draped in non-form-fitting, swaddling clothes & any instance where there is side nudity… is shot in a way where a breast is about one square inch on the giant screen… so barely noticeable. Basically… if you’re looking for torture porn or cheap nudity, you’ve come to the wrong movie.
·     Acting – Hardy & Theron run this f**king movie… and in the best possible way… but not really taking it over the top. There’s one scene where Charlize Theron basically breaks down for a moment in absolute despair… but I’d say 90% of the acting in this movie… is by reactions rather than a bunch of talking & bullsh*t. Hardy plays it close to the vest, brooding, all that stuff. Izzy noticed a few times where “his accent went weird” but where he’s supposed to be Australian, I’m not sure what that means… but I’ll chalk it up to situational emphasis. I mean… thank God he just wasn’t doing the “Bane voice” or anything.
What I Didn’t Like:
·     Not a F**king Thing!!! – This movie is f**king perfect for what it is… a crazy, intense, acid-trip of a dream road trip of vengeance & physics-bending badassery! I can’t stress this enough… GO SEE THIS F**KING MOVIE!!!

·     Possible Objections – Having a penis, I feel like this movie was made for me… like personally for me. However, I can see how ladies might not like this movie for one reason or another… primarily the violence or just not being interested in super intense adult situations. That being said… ladies… Father’s Day is coming up… probably an anniversary or a birthday… so do yourself a favor & when date night comes around… blow his mutha f**king mind by saying “You know what sweetie… I’m interested in seeing this Mad Max movie that $teve told me about… do you want to see that?” “Ugh… yeah… wait… is this a test?” I think you’ll even like it… but let’s face it… your man has earned it.
Anyway, I just wanted to do a quick one-off rant to let you know… that when this movie comes out officially next week… you should absolutely go see it! It’s a great action movie! There needs to be more movie like this made! Kudos to George Miller in making this thing right! Have a great weekend everybody!!!

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