The Eclectic Eccentric 2: The Kwyjibo Chronicles: Murder, Suicide & Exorcisms

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Friday night, Izzy & I watched a little independent horror-comedy from a few years ago (2007) called “Murder Party” starring… really nobody you’d probably ever know unless you’ve watched this movie. Basically the story is about a kinda lame average guy who stumbles upon a random invitation in front of his apartment reading “Murder Party, (Address), (Time)” so he figures “What the hell?” and goes to check it out… after an epic trek to the middle of the boondocks of the warehouse district… and he meets up with the crazy artsy types (no… really… crazy…) who plan on murdering him at their party. Surprise! What ensues is pretty hilarious & I’d recommend checking it out if you’re okay with LOTS of blood… like comic amounts of it… then doubled. The pacing will seem a little off at times… but check it out… and tell me you won’t want to “borrow” one of their Halloween outfits next year. Sorry, I know it’s a brief description of the movie… but it’s really better if you just check it out… it’s short, sweet & to the point… and I don’t want to spoil anything.

Later we also watched “Edge of Tomorrow” starring Tom Cruise & Emily Blunt. The movie is set something like… fifty years in the future… and there’s an alien invasion leading to WAR!!! Calm down “Starship Troopers” fans… this isn’t quite the same thing. The aliens land in the middle of Europe (oddly close to Germany) and have basically spread throughout Europe over a few years (which is really weird since they’re super advanced, incredibly fast & kill almost effortlessly, so why does it take so damn long?) but now they’ve reached the shores of France & England is next. The general of the world’s military forces (nothing unifies a planet like alien invasion) randomly sends a PR guy (Cruise) to the front lines on the beaches of Normandy. Calm down WWII movie fans… this isn’t quite the same thing. Why send him to the front lines? Why not? During the battle, he obviously has no idea what he’s doing… and quickly dies… only to find himself back at base where he woke up earlier that day, reliving the same day over & over again. Yes, it’s basically ”Starship Troopers” meets “Groundhog Day” which is exactly what I’m sure it was pitched as. That being said… the movie is actually a LOT better than I thought it was going to be. The story… though a little on the ridiculous side… is pretty imaginative at least & the action is pretty good. The love story is… well, it could be worse. Cast was good. It’s intense when it wants to be & mildly heart-tugging at other points… all that you really want in an action movie. I’d say check it out if that’s your thing.

However, this then begs the question, “Why did this movie not do well in theatres?” Well… I think there’s a few reasons. The one that always gets talked about is the name of the movie – “Edge of Tomorrow”. Face it… that sounds really f**king lame. You know what’s worse though? The edited title/tagline “Live. Die. Repeat.” that’s on all the blu-rays & DVDs. Another pretty big one is the star… Tom Cruise. Either you love him & will watch everything that he stars in… or you really don’t care. Based on the preview, this movie seemed VERY similar to his movie last year “Oblivion” that a bunch of people were apparently tricked into seeing… so maybe they were a little resentful. Third guess… it’s extremely CGI heavy in the previews… and it is in the movie too… but that probably didn’t work too well for it when people are deciding against other summer tent pole movies where they’d have established stories & characters (lots of sequels& reboots) where this was a new, unfamiliar property going directly against some of them. I don’t know… but I’d say check it out.

Monday night, Izzy & I watched “Exorcist III” starring George C. Scott & Brad Dourif. This was the 1990 installment of the Exorcist movies. Just a quick recap, the original “Exorcist” from back in 1973 is to this day considered one of the greatest horror movies of all time. How good was it? I feel like there have been hundreds, possibly thousands of exorcism movies made in the past 40 years… and really none of them can hold a f**king candle to it. If you haven’t seen it, you just don’t like the genre & I can understand that. Based on its incredible success & praise, they made a sequel in 1977 called “Exorcist II: The Heretic” starring Richard Burton, Max von Sydow and Linda Blair (the little girl from the original but 18 now… and fun fact: the inspiration for Rick James’ epic ballad “Superfreak”). The only problem was that the sequel was absolute horse sh*t. Then the slasher movies of the 80’s got huge… so fast forward to 1990 and they wanted to give a decent sequel to the original… so they did this installment written & directed by William Peter Blatty, the writer of the novel & screenplay for the original movie. The story follows a police lieutenant (Scott) in Georgetown who is really down as it’s the 15^th anniversary of a good friend of his death… who also happened to be a priest. Apparently back then, there was a serial killer who was murdering up the area… but shortly after his friend’s death, they captured him… and promptly executed him. The only problem is… fifteen years later… more bodies are turning up… and they match him M.O. During his investigation into the murders, he finds another odd thing… his priest friend may still be alive in a mental institution… but is it him? Or just his body? Okay, at this point… I’m just going to stop… and say that if you like horror movies, go check this movie out right now!!! Probably #2 on my Exorcism movie list behind the original… and it’s actually surprisingly close. The key actors are great! George C. Scott is his George C. Scott-iest!!! Brad Dourif is actually pretty f**king amazing as the Serial Killer… and I’d say almost half of the movie is just them at their absolute best… and their scenes together are the stuff of horror legend in my opinion. Okay, go check it out… and if you want spoilers, read the next paragraph. If not, skip down to the picture of the “Suicide Squad”.

Spoiler tid bits about this movie: Okay, let’s talk about the weird moments from the movie that I loved! At various points in the movie, there are the eyes opening on a Jesus statue like it’s an American girl doll… another quick scene where the head of THE JOKER is on a Jesus statue… and holy sh*t, the weird dream sequence in the middle of the movie has a Fabio cameo, a few midgets walking around with a clock, and probably the most out of f**king nowhere cameo I’ve seen in a long, long time… PATRICK EWING AS THE ANGEL OF DEATH!!! Yeah… Patrick Ewing… the legendary center for the New York Knicks… just kinda sitting in a hospital bed playing cards or something… with giant ass angel wings… and I feel like Mr. Blatty’s direction was “Okay, Patrick! Just look at George here… with absolutely no expression on your face. Not even a little bit. Can you do it?” No response, even in facial expression. “PERFECT! Aaaaand… action!” There were a few points in this movie that I had to stop, go back a few seconds, and just make sure that my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me. Also, the final exorcism scene… for the most part is pretty damn original & cool… I loved the floor falling out and the people coming out of there with the serial killer victim on the cross, no CGI, just real sh*t… the only problem that I had was the resolution of it all. Okay… so spoiler alert… the priest that you thought was dead isn’t… he grabs the gun& shoots the possessed guy to help free the lieutenant… so he falls to the ground… and the priest is gone. Where the f**k did he go? George C. Scott would’ve fallen right on top of him!!! Anyway, then he grabs the gun & finishes the job or whatever… cut to a few days later when all is well, roll credits. No, no, no. Here’s what really happens. Orderlies & security in the hospital hear gun shots… come to the isolation cell… see George C. Scott standing with a smoking pistol & two corpses… one is a mental patient… the other is a priest who looks like his face was ripped off. George C. Scott fries y’all!!! I know police nowadays can get away with anything but… there’s really not a good way to make that one look like an accident. What’ll make it even worse is when he tries to explain what happened. “No, you see… this patient who was basically catatonic… he was possessed by a serial killer that I caught 15 years ago… yes I knew the man, he was one of my best friends… get your hands off me!!! I’m not crazy, dammit!!! I saved all of your souls!!!” ZZZZAP!!!

Okay, now for the big news... the other night we watched an animated movie called “Batman: Assault on Arkham” primarily because I've watched a few of the DC Comics straight-to-DVD movies... and I saw the preview for this one on another... and it finally came through. Basically it's they're introduction to the Suicide Squad franchise... but working Batman into the story so that people will watch it since few people know who they are (at least until a few days ago). Basically the Joker has hidden a dirty bomb in Gotham... but he's in Arkham Asylum. While Batman is trying to find out where the bomb is... leader of the Agency, Amanda Waller, has brought together a 'suicide squad' comprised of incarcerated supervillains who have a chance at redemption & some time off their sentence... in exchange for getting something for her out of Arkham. Basically, nobody has a reason to trust each other, they all have their own abilities & backstories that may come into play, it's like the perfect anti-hero story... and with that, I'll say check it out... if just for the brief spots of The Batman, Joker & Harley Quinn since that's most of who you'll know... and also, it's kind of a gruff PG-13 animated show. Check it out.

Oddly enough, the day after watching this movie... Hollywood has finally announced an official cast for the “Suicide Squad” movie directed by David Ayer ("End of Watch" & "Fury"). In what should prove to be a good, gruff R-rated superhero movie like "Blade", "Watchmen" and others... and based on this cast, I'm even more excited... and here's why.

Will Smith as Deadshot – That's right, f**king Will Smith aka the Fresh Prince wants to be a part of this movie. One of the biggest draws in Hollywood is willing to be a part of this thing... and he's going to play a kickass mercenary gun-toting ninja-esque badass. He can kick ass... and probably have some great one-liners and such. Huge fan of it.

Tom Hardy as Rick Flagg – I like Tom Hardy as an actor... and hopefully they'll keep the f**king mask inhibiting his ability to speak on this superhero movie as he (like the characters in this movie) gets a shot at redemption from his Bane portrayal. Not that it was absolutely horrible... but it could be better... and he'll be the leader of this group... until there's inevitably some conflict & they have to split up. Just guessing... should be great.

Jai Courtney as Captain Boomerang – He's Australian... he's good looking... probably knows his way around a boomerang... really can't complain about this choice... only know him from a few horrible movies... but I'm optimistic... and it was either him or one of the Hemsworths... probably Liam... right?

Jared Leto as The Joker - Okay, okay, okay... before anybody says anything... I'm totally okay with (Academy Award-winner, let that sink in a little more) Jared Leto playing the Joker. I was skeptical of Heath Ledger... and he rocked it. I think Jared can be even better. Yes, BETTER!!! Heath's portrayal was DARK... as it was supposed to be... hence why he had so much black eye makeup. However, Jared has those f**king glow in the dark blue eyes... so I'm guessing his portrayal will probably be similarly dark... but much more jovial & wisecracky like you would expect from the acclaimed DC cartoons. Also, I was really scared that it was going to be Jake Gyllenhaal based on his previous work with the director on "End of Watch" or Shia LaBeouf or some shit... can't wait to see how it goes.

Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn – We already know this superhottie can pull off the Jersey accent... and now I'm already becoming tumescent thinking about her in the harlequin outfit... and being just absolutely bat sh*t crazy... and the whole relationship with the Joker & the possibilities there... f**k, why can't this movie come out already? This bulge isn't going to take care of itself...

Oprah Winfrey as Amanda Waller – Yes, this is still just rumored... but f**k me, this would be absolutely PERFECT!!! Picture it... the super-polished queen of daytime & wholesomeness... playing an absolutely ultrastrong anti-hero character who in spite of not having any superpowers besides her ability to get sh*t done, is telling all these crazy supervillains what's what & busting their balls the whole way... seriously, watch the animated movie... then just picture this lady being played by Oprah in an R-rated Batman with guns... that's worth the price of admission right there. I'm f**king IN!!!