Saturday, October 29, 2011

Dad's Visit to San Francisco

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Let’s see, last week I watched “Scream 4” starring the lovely Neve Campbell, the awkward couple of Cox-Arquette… and a bunch of other young people who get brutally murdered but the only one that I recognize from anything is Hayden Penetierre from “Heroes” who will forever look fourteen years old. Sidney Prescott (Campbell) is on a book tour promoting her memoirs from overcoming the brutal attacks of the first three movies when her travels take her back home to Woodsboro, where it all began. Needless to say, people start dying… and it’s as if they’re trying to “reboot” the original murder spree for a new Ghostface Killer (not Ghostface Killah, WU TANG!!!). In typical Scream fashion, it’s a very good horror flick with social undertones to the whole remake / reboot craze of Hollywood as well as the ideas of celebrity via webcasts, Twitter, Facebook & other social media. If you pay attention, it’s fairly predictable… but if you’re looking for a good scream, check it out. The Scream movies are a LOT better than most horror flicks out there… usually because they make fun of some of the clichés & improve upon them… but still keep true to the genre… because let’s face it, what’s a horror flick without somebody running up the stairs… or turning on a f**king light switch?

Later on, I hung out with J-Mo and we watched “Horrible Bosses” starring Jason Bateman, Jason Sedaikis, Charlie Day, Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, Jamie Foxx, Donald Sutherland & Colin Farrell in a comb-over. You’ve probably seen the previews about the three guys with three horrible bosses & they drunkenly decide that they should kill them… but they’re not professional killers… so they ask for help from a man called Mother F**ker Jones (Foxx). It’s actually pretty hilarious even though it didn’t shatter any box office records. Kevin Spacey plays a great a-hole boss, I wish there was more of Colin Farrell’s cokehead character but I’m sure there’ll be deleted scenes, & I WISH Jennifer Aniston would sexually harass me… but that’s another story. I would highly recommend checking this movie out for a few good laughs.

Friday night, I picked up my dad at the airport & began our male bonding weekend. We didn’t do much except split a 6-pack of Hornsby’s Crisp Apples and watch a little TV that night… but the next couple of days were pretty awesome.

Saturday, we started off by stopping by Safeway to stock up on adult beverages & snacks, then took the bus to Joe’s Crab Shack near Fisherman’s Wharf. The food was pretty good, we just had appetizers of crab stuffed mushrooms & crab nachos, with a pitcher of Hurricane. Now, my dad was a pretty big drinker in his heyday. Not really bragging or anything, just saying. Then thankfully about 7-8 years ago, he quit drinking (and it only took a pretty scary physical reaction to do it). So now, he’s kind of a lightweight like me… except I’m a little younger. He had never tried a Hurricane. Being damn near a New Orleans native, I love ‘em. He took a drink though & gave me a look. “What’s in this?” “It’s delicious right?” “Very… but what’s in it?” “Three kinds of rum, some orange juice, grenadine, and… I think triple sec. Been a while since I’ve made them myself.” “Wait, what? Three kinds of rum?” “Yup. Light, dark & Bacardi 151.” “What’s Bacardi 151?” “Well… it’s what turns a light drizzle into a Hurricane.” He liked ‘em… and they were great in the sunny cool weather that we had all weekend.

Saturday afternoon was the Utah-Cal college football game at AT&T Park. We got there a little early and had a few Stella Artois at a nearby grilled cheese establishment & then went to the game. Today’s Tip: If you’re expecting to get a few incredibly expensive beers at AT&T Park for a college football game, you’re going to be horribly disappointed. Apparently the stadium goes dry as a bone for them. Not a big concern, but just giving you some warning. The stadium was great. The seats were 2nd row at the 35 yard line right behind the U of U bench. You could smell the players if you wanted to. The game… well, the game was absolutely atrocious if you’re a U fan. They did manage to get a field goal in the 4th quarter before we left, but the Bears routed ‘em 34-10 and it really wasn’t even that close. We had a great time though because my dad & I are just that way… and we were sitting next to a large Samoan family whose relative was the nose tackle for the U & he was having a pretty good game of stopping the run… so every time he was in on a tackle, we all went ape sh*t!!! Great times. Then we took the bus home & my dad turned in early because… well, he’s over 50 now… and we had an “early morning” planned the next day.

Willie Mays... Hayes?

Watch out for my balls...

This is what 2nd row is like...

especially when there's technically no 1st row

Sunday morning was the Raiders-Chiefs game at Oakland Coliseum ( or is the official sponsor… but who cares really?). We loaded up Gretchen with plenty of booze… and a few chips… and headed to the coliseum. Along the way, we noticed that there were maybe 5 Chiefs fan in the entire place. We tailgated in the parking lot… and we apparently picked a pretty good spot right next to a wonderful Hispanic family making steak fajitas, a family from SoCal who had worked with my business a few times, and a girl that was smoking hot… with her boyfriend. We got a pretty good buzz going & got to know our neighbors… and before it was all done, they had offered us some fajitas with homemade salsa & guacamole in exchange for a few shots of Jose Cuervo Silver. SOLD!!! Again, the game was pretty horrible if you were rooting for the Raiders. The Chiefs weren’t doing necessarily great… but the quarterbacks threw 6 interceptions for two touchdowns to the other team. The Chiefs won 28-0 but we left as the 4th quarter was starting… because the game wasn’t going well, the sun was right in our face, and I’m pretty sure my dad was nodding off (possibly heat stroke) so I got him some water & drove him home. So much for a great start to the big Carson Palmer trade… but hey, he only had three days of practice to get ready from his retirement. Next game in two weeks should be better for him.

After we got back, my dad nodded off watching the Saints destroy the Colts on TV… so I went to my basketball gamewith a bit of a buzz still going & left him to get some rest. The game was more of the same. I only missed one shot, but I had to create my own off my teammates horrible misses. We ended up only losing by 9 but we could’ve been a lot more competitive if they would just give me the ball once in a while. Whatever though, I’ll be on a company team before soon & we’ll have an actual strategy more than likely. After that, went home, dad was awake… for a while… and we watched the new “Robin Hood” movie starring Russell Crowe. It was pretty good, I guess. I enjoyed it. My dad’s doing fine. He woke up Monday morning with a little bit of a headache but wandered around the Presidio before I took him to the airport after work. We talked about how much fun we had & how much we missed each other… but yeah, it was a great weekend. It was great to spend some time with him.

About three minutes after dropping him off, I get a call from the softball team manager. “Are you coming tonight?” “We have a game tonight? I thought it was the bye week before the playoffs.” “Nope, we have a game starting in a few minutes & we need players.” “Shoot, I just dropped my dad off at Oakland Airport but I can probably be there in… 30-45 minutes. I’ll hurry. Do you have a spare glove?” I’ll spare you the details… but 18 minutes later, I was pulling into the parking lot of the softball field ready to go. Gretchen is an amazing machine. We were still shorthanded at 9 with four girls… but we played, fairly poorly… and ended up losing by one. So our undefeated season is over… but we’re still the top seed for the playoffs next week. Besides, we were shorthanded, caught by surprise & without our best players… and we still only lost a really close game with some controversial calls. Afterwards, we went out for a few drinks too. Now for some news…

Koalas: The Other Cute Bears – Sadly, Pandas aren’t the only cute bears that can’t seem to survive on their own. On Thursday, lawmakers said that special koala tunnels and tougher road speed limits would help avoid one of the leading causes of death of Australia's iconic marsupial. No-one knows how many koalas are left in the wild (experts estimate anywhere between 43,000 to 300,000, which is kind of like saying “Eh, they’re out there”) but the numbers are slowly falling and road deaths are the second biggest cause (I’m guessing behind… tree deaths? Underwater deaths?). An inquiry by the upper house Senate urged national and state government to take action to nurture the much-loved furry marsupial. "The committee is pleased that the koala may not yet be eligible for listing as threatened. The committee believes that to have such a significant Australian icon included on the threatened species list would be national shame," its acting chairman Doug Cameron said. It found that loss of habitat due to land clearing was the biggest risk to koalas, which live almost entirely on gum tree leaves. HA! So it WAS tree deaths! BOOYAH!!! Numbers have also been reduced by an AIDS-like virus which causes immune deficiency and cancer (Koal-AIDS?). In the north-eastern Queensland state, authorities reported more than 4,500 koalas were hit by cars over 12 years to 2009, prompting the state government to commit to "koala-friendly" designs for main road construction. Some areas of dense koala populations also have special koala-proof fences around major roads, and tunnels which allow the animals to cross safely underneath. The Senate inquiry recommended local governments introduce lower speed limits around known koala areas, install koala-proof fencing on major roads, and build more tunnels and bridges to allow koalas to cross roads safely. OR!!! Check this idea out… maybe if there was some kind of… I don’t know, above ground mains of transportation. Like… these interconnecting organisms that grow on their own… and koala can some move through these organisms with about the same ease as a tunnel under a major freeway. I’ve heard of something like this in what scientists call “forests” but I forget what they’re called. I’ll have to google it. So yeah… koalas need our help to become underground dwelling creatures apparently.

Cage Update – Speaking of “forests”, here’s a little ditty that I found interesting. There’s a movie being made soon that will be Scott Walker's directorial debut called “The Frozen Ground”. Based on true events, John Cusack plays respected Alaskan family man Robert Hansen who abducted more than 24 women… flew them into the Alaskan wilderness… and hunted and murdered them. Nice, right? And yes… I said John Cusack. Anyway, Nicolas Cage plays an Alaskan State Trooper who finds an escaped girl (Vanessa Hudgens) on the street. Together they work to bring Hansen to justice. Curtis Jackson (aka 50 Cent) just signed on to play a 1980s-era pimp which is a reportedly 'substantial role'. Jackson and Randall Emmett are producing and shooting begins October 17th in Anchorage, Alaska. So… yeah. Keep an eye out for that. And if John Cusack runs into you in a dark alley in Anchorage, be cautious. He’s a method actor.

Bank Robbery Update – Okay, even though it’s not officially a bank robbery… I had to mention it. In the world of animated TV, it's no stretch to say that good-natured Gumby is far down the list of characters that would commit armed robbery. But a man clad in a full-figured Gumby costume has made a botched attempt to rob a 7-Eleven store in California, and authorities are looking for the suspect, police said on Wednesday. It happened early on Monday when the man came into the San Diego store dressed as the green claymation figure, accompanied by an ordinarily dressed accomplice, San Diego Police spokesman Detective Gary Hassen said. The costumed man announced he was robbing the store, but the clerk thought it was a joke, according to police. Understandably so… but wait, it gets better. "Gumby said, 'You don't think it's a robbery? Let me show you my gun,'" Hassen said. The suspect then tried to reach into his Gumby outfit… but experienced a "costume malfunction" and could not fit his hand in a pocket. Instead of a gun, the costumed suspect pulled out 26 cents in change which he dropped on the floor. The accomplice, who had left the store and gotten into a minivan, honked at the man dressed as Gumby. He, too, walked out of the store without managing to take any money, police said. Both men left in the minivan. After their getaway, the store clerk was still not certain an attempted robbery had occurred and did not call police. That’s right. Nothing happened. The store manager, who arrived later that morning, reported the incident. Police were treating the episode, which was captured on surveillance video (come on… YouTube), as an attempted robbery and not a prank, Hassen said. I wonder if they originally tried to get the accomplice to dress up as Pokey… but he couldn’t drive the minivan in full regalia. Anyway, how do I rate this? D- all the way. Why not an F? Because they almost didn’t even get called on… and there’s probably a viral video that I expect to see on Tosh.0 before long.

Toe Suck Fairy - A man known in Arkansas as the "Toe Suck Fairy" for a series of 1990s assaults directed at women's feet was arrested after he struck again more than a decade later, police said. Michael Robert Wyatt, 50, was arrested on Monday after two women identified him from a photo line-up as "the man who approached them in local stores commenting on their feet and asking to suck their toes," said LaTresha Woodruff, spokeswoman for the Conway Police Department. How’s that for the direct approach? One of the women described the man as having "really messed up toes." Earlier in the month an 83-year-old woman told police she was sitting in a chair in front of her apartment when a man approached her. He took off one of her shoes and began sucking her toes, police said. Wow, not even an introduction? In the 1990s, Wyatt was convicted and even served time in prison for his obsession. “What’re you in for?” He had pretended to be a podiatrist in order to fondle and suck a Conway, Arkansas, woman's toes at a clothing store. And, he was convicted in 1991 of making threats for telling a convenience store clerk that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death. Okay… now it’s not just a creepy fetish. For that, he was sentence to four years in state prison, but served just over a year. In 1999, Wyatt was arrested again, police said, after asking a woman in a northwest Arkansas Walmart if she wanted him to amputate her feet and showing her pictures of women with no feet. Wyatt was picked up at his home in Vilonia, about 15 miles from Conway, where three incidents have been reported in the past few weeks. Conway is about 30 miles north of Little Rock. Well, at least they got him before it got SUPER creepy again. Poor people who can’t handle their craziness in constructive ways. Might I recommend a blog read by dozens across the worlds? Baker’s dozens?

Anyway, on that note, I’ll leave you be for the time being. Vegas is mere weeks away & I seriously can’t wait… and neither can Jackie D. It’s going to be EPIC!!! Even moreso than this past weekend. Have a great day everybody!!!

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