Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Observing Birds of Prey

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

The past few days have been fairly busy. The weekend was watching a lot of football though… and I’m sad to report that the Philadelphia Eagles will NOT have a perfect season this year. I know… I know… but it really wasn’t a thought to begin with… just would’ve been nice to f**k with the Dolphins & Patriots, you know? Anyway… watching the game Sunday night against the Falcons, I realized a few other things about the team, football, etc. that I would like to share with you…

  • The perfect season idea is over (but it really wasn’t there to begin with)

  • Michael Vick is still human

  • The only man that could stop him though… was another Eagle

  • Vince Young is hurt? F**k!!!

  • Mike Kafka hadn’t thrown a pass since he apparently threw 78 of them in his last collegiate game three years ago

  • LeSean McCoy is a lot like Barry Sanders when he’s healthy

  • DeSean Jackson is probably mad that he’s not getting paid more but…

  • Jeremy Maclin is the one with over 170 receiving yards, 2 touchdowns… and surprisingly no headaches

  • On defense, the ultimate secondary basically picked off every pass that came their way

  • However, because the linebackers were guarding Tony Gonzalez, he had a few touchdown catches

  • There is only ONE Tony Gonzalez… and he’s pretty f**king amazing

  • There is a weakness in the new nine-wide defense… just run at it

  • Trent Cole is a “BEAST”!!!

  • So… both our kicker… and our punter… are six-foot Caucasian rookies with the last name Henry who look alike in uniform. If I ask if they’re brothers, does that make me racist?

  • Best thing though… after our $100 million quarterback going down & going straight to a cold 3rd stringer who hasn’t thrown a game pass in years, more cheap shots from Dunta Robinson on our receivers, and a brilliant performance by the team that finished with the best record in the NFC last year… they only lost by four points in the Georgia Dome & it went down to a Hail Mary in the closing seconds. I’m optimistic.

  • There’s a reason that we were able to sign former All-Pro running back Ronnie Brown at wholesale

  • Sidenote: Why haven’t they just given Ronnie Brown robotic knees? We have the technology

  • Secondary sidenote: I totally envision that as Ronnie Brown looking & sounding like RoboCop in fast forward

  • Third sidenote: If the NFL allowed robotic appendages, I guarantee that the following week… Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis would look like the evil robot in RoboCop 2. He is THAT dedicated to football… it’s his drug… and he could totally pull it off

  • Borderline rant: I’m really liking the idea of cyborgs playing football now. I’ll write a letter to Commissioner Roger Goodell. Does anybody else remember the video game “Mutant Football League”? I would totally watch teams comprised of cyborgs, full-on robots, mutants, ninjas, armored warriors, and yes… barbaric weapons could be used, I guess. Why not? A few areas of the playing field could be booby trapped as well.

  • I may need some psychiatric help

Anyway, just some observations. Monday night was softball… and we won again… and I played a little… and we had a few drinks afterwards. Good times. I really like the coworkers / teammates on the team, we have a lot of fun & we play hard too. Great bunch of guys & gals. Other than that, not a whole lot going on… just busy getting ready for road trip to see Filly in Malibu this weekend. So here’s some other news…

Expendables 2 Updates – Okay, so these updates are all rumors gathered over the past few weeks where I haven’t really been keeping you entertained… my apologies… but hey, this isn’t paying the bills. For one, producer Avi Lerner has offered the legendary Donnie Yen a 'tailor-made' role in the upcoming "The Expendables" sequel reports Twitchfilm. A spokesperson from Yen's company confirmed the offer but the actor will not decide until he sees if the script appeals to him or not. One key factor may also be that Nu Image is in talks to partner with a Chinese distributor for the upcoming "The Expendables" sequel and will likely shoot some scenes in that country reports The L.A. Times. The deal is expected to generate about $8 million from the local company with which it works. More importantly it guarantees the film a release in China without having to worry about navigating the strictly regulated system imposed on foreign films. The Chinese government allows approximately twenty "revenue-sharing slots" per year for imported pictures. The first film missed out on that, so it had to sell rights to a local distributor for a flat fee said to be under $1 million. The film went onto gross an impressive $32.1 million in the Chinese market alone. There's a catch, to ensure the film can shoot scenes in China it has to be approved by government censors and thus "can’t be detrimental to China" according to Nu Image’s CFO Trevor Short. Nu Image tried to score such a deal for its recent "Conan the Barbarian" reboot without success. Movie business pimpin’…

Anyway, Yen joins the likes of John Travolta, Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme who have also been rumored as potential stars in the follow-up. Even that f**king werewolf from “Twilight” (Taylor Lautner) has been rumored. In more confirmed news though, shooting is currently slated to kick off in October… but it’s not about who might be in the movie… it’s about who WILL be in it… and at last update, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis have reportedly just closed deals to take “substantial” roles in Simon West's "The Expendables 2" for Millennium Films and Lionsgate reports Deadline. Schwarzenegger and Willis made cameos in the first film, it's expected they'll reprise their characters for this outing along with returning cast members Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews and Jet Li. That’s right… Arnie will be making his theatrical return, after a pretty hilarious political career writhe with scandal, and it will be in this movie. Awesome! Also, some Aussie kid named Liam Hemsworth ("The Hunger Games," "The Last Song") has joined the cast of "The Expendables 2" for Lionsgate says The Sydney Morning Herald. 21-year-old Hemsworth, brother of "Thor" star Chris, will be the youngest cast member in the sequel. He will portray a sniper… and if I’m a betting man, I don’t think he makes it through the entire movie. Just saying… there’s a lot of star power here. Maybe they can get Danny Trejo & Rutger Hauer to cameo as Machete & Hobo with a Shotgun too. I’m just trying to think of people they might have missed to be in this movie. Oh wait, I think I found the scheduling conflict…

Hatfields & McCoys - Tom Berenger (“Sniper” & “The Substitute”), Powers Boothe (“Tombstone” & “Sin City”) and Mare Winningham (?) have all joined "The Hatfields and McCoys" miniseries for The History Channel reports The Live Feed. The project follows the former friends and Civil War comrades (Kevin Costner and Bill Paxton) who return home after the war to properties on opposite sides of the Tug River border in Kentucky and West Virginia to increasing tensions that bring the neighboring states to the brink of another war. Berenger will play Costner's warlord uncle, Boothe is Costner's level-headed older brother, while Winningham will play Paxton's beleaguered wife who loses her children and her mind to the feud. Kevin Reynolds ("Red Dawn") has signed on to direct the miniseries which will air next year. So that basically accounts for everybody except… Mel Gibson? Oooh, Kurt Russell. What’s he up to? Anyway, that sounds pretty damn good for a miniseries on the History Channel.

Anyway, all this talk about manly men stuff makes me want to go work out… so I think I’ll go do that… and then probably the next time that you hear from me will be after my road trip to Malibu to see Filly… so hopefully I’ll have some good stories to share by then. Have a great weekend everybody!!! GO EAGLES!!!


Bone Junior said...

What can I say except, Agree! On all counts! (About the Eagles, that is) E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!
Side note - I was surprised to learn that Vick wasn't wearing a mouth guard - the NFL apparently doesn't even require them. At derby, I'm not allowed to move an inch in my skates without a mouth guard. But the 100-million dollar QB doesn't have to wear one?

$teve said...

I was surprised at that too... but when they explained the communication thing it made sense... and half the QBs in the league are mouth breathers anyway (Cutler, the Mannings, etc). :)

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