700 Rants & Still Going Strong

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

As predicted, this 700th post is going to be a big one. Why? Well, because I've officially applied for the position in Lake Tahoe that...basically I already have correspondence going with the hiring Boss Lady B who wanted me to notify her the moment I applied, already had the first interview with her a few hours later (nailed it) and have the next one scheduled for tomorrow. So yeah...now I should start packing or something, right? No? Maybe wait a few days until something official is offered...since I'll have at least 30 days to evacuate this apartment thanks to management? You're probably right. Just thought I'd share that with you before I go into the news for the day...of which is also pretty good stuff involving three major guilty pleasures of mine - Action movies, Megan Fox, and fellatio. Enjoy.

True Grit Remake - Matt Damon and Josh Brolin are in talks to star in the Coen Brothers remake of the classic western "True Grit" according to the trades. A closer adaptation of the original Charles Portis novel, Damon would star as a lawman who teams up with U.S. Marshall Rooster Cogburn and a fourteen-year-old girl to help find her father's killer in Indian territory. Brolin would play the killer. Then who's set to reprise the role of Rooster made famous by THE John Wayne? The Dude himself, Jeff Bridges is already cast to play Cogburn, the role that won John Wayne an Oscar in the 1969 original. Filming begins next March for a late 2010 release. Is anybody else excited for this movie? Coen Brothers? The Dude? True Grit? Yeah, it should be pretty good...but then again, there's another action movie around the corner that just makes nipples inflate with anticipation.

Expendables Update - Writer / director / star Sylvester Stallone has spoken a lot more to Entertainment Weekly about a pivotal five-minute scene in "The Expendables" featuring him, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's right, they're going to be in this movie too...that already stars Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren and just about anybody else who has ever starred in an action movie. Anyway, the church-set scene has Willis’ nasty antagonist summoning Stallone’s macho mercenary to finally meet him face-to-face, take measure of him, and possibly hire him for a death-defying mission of taking out a South American dictator. But just as the meeting gets under way and smartass smalltalk is made, in walks another killer-for-hire, Stallone’s longtime rival, who Willis has also invited to this job interview - Arnie (Dutch from "Predator" maybe?). Stallone says "We [him and Schwarzenegger's characters] have a history together. And we go back and forth and I tell him that I should have shot him a long time ago when I had the chance. Then it goes on from there. And here we are, the three of us trying to man up to one another, playing off of who we are, using our baggage in this one scene." So the Planet Hollywood trio come together for a scene in this movie. Awesome. I ugh...just can't wait. Yes, I'm aware that these guys are in their late-50's, early 60's...and quite frankly I don't care. Seriously, how old was John Wayne when he won his Academy Award in True Grit? Anybody? 62 years old!!! And let's face it, Marion Robert Morrison was a badass...but he wasn't packing guns like Arnie, Sly & Bruno. He was wearing a handkerchief most of the time. I swear I had a point that I was trying to get at here. Oh yeah, something like it doesn't matter how old you are, what size you are, how funny you talk, or anything like that. If you've got the balls & ambition & Passion to achieve your dreams...then you can do it. And I seriously can not wait to see this movie. Will it be violent? Absolutely. Will it be cheesy? You bet your ass. I look forward to the one-liners exchanged between all of these leading men. It'll be like the Dirty Dozen of the new millennium. Y'all enjoy your New Moon...and it's back-story of the girl being caught in a love triangle with two dangerous men just because they're cute, not based on the content of their character (which I truly believe is detrimental to young ladies out there...and a supremely stupid story). Me: I'm going to watch a bunch of men from all nationalities join forces to protect innocent people and stand for Truth, Justice & the American Way...which may or may not involve some female nudity.

Megan Fox Update - Megan Fox has been robbed!!! No, not by another awards show for her portrayal of Who-Gives-A-Sh*t-She's-Hot in that one movie about the thing. Rather Megan Fox, her sometime boyfriend Brian Austin Green and former “High School Musical” star Ashley Tisdale were among the celebrity “victims” of a gang of mostly teenage girls who allegedly burglarized a host of star residences, Los Angeles police said on Wednesday. A few days ago, the District Attorney’s Office filed residential burglary charges against four of the suspects named so far in the case. Courtney Ames, 18; Alexis Neiers, 18; Roy Lopez, 27; and Diana Tamayo, 19; were all arrested last week and remain free on bail with the exception of Tamayo who is still in custody. Rachel Lee, 19, who was also arrested last week, has not been charged, pending further investigation, the DA’s Office confirmed to Access Hollywood. Authorities said they have issued a warrant for the arrest of a man named Jonathan Ajar on firearm and drug possession charges. Ajar, authorities said, has been identified as an alleged participant in some aspects of the case. An LAPD Captain at the press conference held on Wednesday said the suspects “utilized technology and various Internet resources to track the calendars of high profile celebrities” in order to commit the crimes. The LAPD said there are a total of seven suspects. As for the victims, the celebrities targeted include Audrina Patridge, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel Bilson, Ashley Tisdale, Brian Austin Green, Megan Fox and Orlando Bloom. (So...basically all girls? Oh and Brian was incidental) In addition, two are non-celebrities (more if it's up to debate, who the hell is Audrina Patridge?). Authorities also said they have not connected the suspects to the recent Kourtney Kardashian burglary incident earlier this month. Authorities said the value of property stolen is “in the millions of dollars,” with the lead detective estimating the amount at over $2 million. The LAPD detective said they first became aware of a ring of residential burglaries with celebrities as victims in late 2008. However, my question is...what was stolen? Electronics? Teen Choice Awards (obviously not Oscars)? Or maybe something with a little more...umph? Sex tape collections? Undergarments? Mmm...well, I'm just gonna dwell on that one for a second...but the important lesson here is that crime doesn't pay. The market after the fact is where the pay comes from...unless they stole cash...then that's cutting out the middleman. Congratulations to the LAPD for making the news in a good way...and catching a bunch of teenage girls. I'm sure the TV movie is already in the works...hmm, possibly starring some of the victims. I could see Rachel Bilson as a scrappy leader. I mean...what else is she going to do? Jumper sucked. Anyway, I hope these thieves are brought to justice. Perhaps we should start taking donations on behalf of these celebrities...because most of their careers are pretty much over anyway...

And we can't just let Miss Fox go naked all the time...

I'm sure there's a good reason why, I just can't think of it

Ladies... - When they do their thing, female Chinese fruit bats add oral sex to get the males to prolong the act, scientists now find, suggesting the behavior confers evolutionary benefits (besides the obvious). Oral sex, or fellatio, is often used in human foreplay, the researchers noted (having read about it in books), but rarely seen in other animals. As such, there have been few evolutionary reasons given for oral sex to date, and fellatio is largely thought confined to humans, although juvenile members of the chimpanzee-like bonobo do it for play (I just remembered a great name for a band). Now scientists find the short-nosed fruit bat (Cynopterus sphinx) routinely engages in oral sex, the first time fellatio has been seen in adult animals other than humans. The researchers argue the act likely has evolutionary benefits ("It couldn't hurt"). Scientists at the Guangdong Entomological Institute in Guangzhou, China, and their colleagues investigated bats they captured at a nearby park. Although bats comprise the second largest order of mammals at more than 1,100 species, little is known about their mating habits because of their nocturnal lifestyle and their often-inaccessible roosts. The researchers were originally expecting to watch behaviors such as grooming or the construction of tents from Chinese fan-palm leaves...but that sh*t gets boring after a while. "We did not expect fellatio in fruit bats at the beginning," said researcher Libiao Zhang, a biologist at the Guangdong Entomological Institute in Guangzhou, China. "We were also surprised at how often it occurred." (Aren't we all?) The investigators took digital videos at night of the bats having sex, (think a cross of the Dark Knight & A Night in Paris) with males keeping a tight grip on the females' firm behind...er, sorry FROM behind by holding thumbs on the females' wings clamping down with their mouths on the females' necks (See? My way was sexier). Naturally, the bats copulated hanging upside-down (oh yes, naturally). Intriguingly, the female lowered her head to lick the male penis during 14 of 20 copulations recorded on video (those are pretty good odds). The licking typically went on for some 19 seconds, or roughly one-twelfth the average time of copulation. The male never withdrew from the female when she performed fellatio (duuuuuh). An explicit video of the act, produced by the researchers, is here (Go ahead, you know you wanna look). The researchers found the longer the fellatio went on, the longer the bats often had sex, with each second of licking adding roughly six extra seconds of copulation (not a bad ratio). The bats spent almost twice as long copulating when oral sex was involved than when not. "It was difficult to provide some hypotheses for the function of the fellatio behavior," Zhang said. "We held many meetings to discuss the functions." (I'll bet you did) Prolonging sex might increase the chances of getting pregnant by aiding transport of sperm and stimulating female glandular secretions, they suggested. It might even help prevent sexually transmitted diseases from the male to the female by killing germs with saliva, so while the male may enjoy the act, the female ultimately benefits. Just something to think about ladies...but honestly, I think it works the other way around with humans...based on my experience anyway. I guess it's just...you get what you give...and if not, then come see Doctor Love.

Fortune Cookie of the Day - "You Will Find Comfort in a New Relationship...in Bed" - That's right ladies. The Cookie may be talking about you too. You have the number.

Anyway, that'll do it for today. I'll be sure to keep you posted on my future in Lake Tahoe...or wherever else the Fates will take me. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to continue this research into the mating rituals of Chinese fruit bats and see if I can find some of Megan Fox's panties on eBay. Have a great day everybody!!! Happy 700th Post!!!

May not be a bad thing to move in the winter...

Lacy, Gently Wafting Curtains

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Halloween was pretty cool. I spent the day with my dad, helping him pick up a Bio Force weight machine that he bought through the Classifieds in Orem...and then watched some college football. After that, I went to a Halloween Party with a "Second String" theme, which basically means you don't dress as the star...but as the supporting character. There was Luigi from Super Mario Brothers, Rhoda from the Mary Tyler Moore Show, Steve Wozniak, the dead Golden Girls, and of course...Captain Hammer (who is a superhero...but not the titular character of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog...so it works). Oh...and there was a LOT of booze, which makes any Halloween party great. Also, on the long walk home (like 2-3 miles with a good buzz going), I was asked for a cigarette thrice, saw a taxi getting towed in a left turn lane (has to be a good story there) and a curvaceous drunken woman dressed as a Hooters girl did a wonderful little dance for me...while her boyfriend (or whatever) watched. I resisted the urge to throw dollars at her feet...but merely thanked her for the private dance and kept walking to my apartment. Very nice. Other than that though, not much to report. Had to work early this morning so...that sucked. Yeah. Here's the news...

Mugshot of the Week - Had to throw this in before the new crop of hilarious mugshots comes in from the holiday. Police had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll, Iowa apartment. Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker (yes, really). Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off. Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint after officers were told they might be armed. Neither man had a weapon. McNelly and Miller were each charged with attempted second-degree burglary. Both men were released after posting bond. Attorneys for the men declined comment Tuesday. As if the mugshot wasn't hilarious enough, I can just imagine the call going out to all cars in the area. "Be on the lookout for two young males wanted for questioning with regards to an attempted robbery, early twenties, average height & build, painted faces, more than likely armed & dangerous." "Attention dispatch, Car 28 here. Did you say painted faces?" "Roger that, Car 28." "In what way is that NOT racist?" "Excuse me, Car 28." "Oh, I'm sorry. Are we back in 1920's Alabama? Should I check the local minstrel show?" "Car 28, the victim described the perps as having their faces painted. Possibly with magic marker." "(Silence) That's it, I'm calling Jesse Jackson."

Russian Road Roulette - Bulgarian prosecutors are investigating a new gambling game in which drivers defy death by speeding through red lights for bets of up to 5,000 Euros ($7,400), the chief prosecutor's office said Thursday. Known as 'Russian road roulette', the driver must jump red lights at busy intersections at high speed and not crash into any other cars or pedestrians, according to local media reports. Onlookers also gamble on the result (though I'm assuming keep a safe distance with that whole no hitting pedestrians thing). Prosecutors launched their investigation after media reported the new game had been held at night at busy crossroads in Sofia since the summer. In June, two people died after a motorcyclist crashed into an onlooker (oooh, guess not) at a similar rally on Sofia's ring road. "Every time we receive a signal for such an unregulated race, we send patrols," Commissioner Vanio Stoevski, head of the Sofia Road Police, told Reuters. Since the deaths in June, police have monitored roads where such races are typically held. Local media report that participants in the 'Russian road roulette' are informed via text messages of the venue for that particular night -- depending on the presence of police. Now THAT should be the next Fast & Furious sequel. On second thought, they'd find a way to ruin that too. Now, you may think that I'm a huge fan of this given my record of being in favor of everything from mixed martial arts to Extreme Golf to professional Rochambeau to the ultimate showdown between Grizzlies & Panda Bears for bear supremacy (and genetically engineering miniature dinosaurs just to have them fight for my amusement) but I'm not a huge fan of this...and the reason is fairly obvious. I do not like the danger to spectators, less innocent bystanders just trying to get home to their families. However, I'm totally down with the Death Race scenario...or maybe a bunch of obstacles and what have you. I don't want people to die during a competition or anything like that...but I do enjoy the element of danger...and at least the competitors know what's at stake. Innocent bystanders & stuff though, not cool. Yet another reason I have no desire to go to Bulgaria. "Here is your map of the city of Sofia with directions to some of the attractions. Also, would you like the Russian Road Roulette Insurance Plan with your rental car this trip?" "Do I want what now?" Keep an eye out for the movie based on these events. I'm pretty sure Jason Statham will star in it...or Vin Diesel...or some other bald guy. Patrick Stewart?

Governator Update - Speaking of Running Man, I thought this article was a little funny. From "I'll be Back" to "Hasta La Vista, Baby", Arnold Schwarzenegger has always had a way with words...but the charismatic California governor raised more than a few eyebrows with the wording of a recent letter to a political opponent announcing his intention to veto financing for a San Francisco waterfront project. Viewed as a letter, Republican Schwarzenegger's missive to San Francisco assemblyman Tom Ammiano, a Democrat, appeared to convey a not-so-hidden message. Read vertically, the first letter of each line spelt an obscene two-word insult, the first word beginning with "F" and the second word being "You." Coincidence? Local media reports speculated that the message was the result of Ammiano's recent heckling of Schwarzenegger at a Democratic gala event. Ammiano, who is gay, was reportedly angry at Schwarzenegger over state budget cuts which slashed funding to AIDS programs. However Schwarzenegger's spokesman Aaron McClear said Wednesday that the odd wording was nothing more than a quirk of coincidence. "It was a strange coincidence. We draft hundreds of letters each year and it was just a coincidence, nothing more to it than that." Really? What a crazy random happenstance! Some of you may think that Arnie is not nearly clever enough to do something like that...but let me tell you something, he very well may be the smartest man in the entire world. Seriously. Think about it. This man is RICH!!! He's an Austrian immigrant who came here thirty years ago with a twenty dollar bill in his pocket...and became the biggest actor EVER, married into American Royalty, and is the governor of California...and he's not done yet (stay tuned). Also, he's surrounded with clever out-of-work movie & TV series writers to draft letters for him...so that he can do subtle jabs at his opponents...when his dominating presence isn't enough. So maybe it's coincidence. Maybe he got caught trying to be a little clever. Regardless, who cares? If I end up moving to Lake Tahoe...then I'd be proud to have Arnold as my elected representative. He doesn't take crap from anybody...nor should he have to. Oh...and if you're ever looking for some kind of clever jab or anything in my blog, you'll be sorely disappointed. First off, I'm not that clever. Secondly, I'm usually pretty blunt & straight-forward about it...because I feel that if I try to hide it in a clever manner, then the stupid sh*t I'm trying to insult won't catch it. I'm an excellent communicator that way. Hmm, I haven't mentioned Terrell Owens for a while. Oh yeah, that's because he hasn't been relevant for a few years now. I wonder how cold it is in Buffalo this week. See? Boom. Done. Jab delivered.

Anyway, that'll do it for tonight. The Eagles just destroyed the Giants so I'm going to catch some of the highlights now that I'm off work. Perhaps this week will bear more fruit on the whole Lake Tahoe situation...but I'm not holding my breathe or anything right now. I'm sure it's still a few weeks away if at all. However, join me tomorrow for a special occasion...my 700th posting on web-based journal. I know, right? 700 rants and counting...and I promise that this entry...will be quite fantastic. I already happen to know a few stories that'll be in it...and it just gives me good feelings thinking about it...but then again, anything involving Megan Fox & fellatio will do that to just about anybody. Have a great day everybody!!!

P.S. I'm sorry to tease like that and put you in a hot & bothered state...but just wait until tomorrow.

A Man's Gotta Do What A Man's Gotta Do

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it's Halloween Eve...and the last weekday before Old Hallow's Eve...and so that meant that everybody was dressed up at work...and I was no exception. There were some great costumes including a group deal with the training department as Pac-Man and the Ghouls and Zach Galafinikas in "The Hangover" which was amazingly accurate. We had "The Nightmare Before Christmas" playing on the TVs because...apparently "Halloween" was considered inappropriate. Go figure. So what was I dressed up as, you ask? Was I Chewbacca again? Nope. Couldn't find the costume since I gave it to my mom for storage when I moved to Denver. Was I a King? I have the crown, the regal robe & lion head slippers...but alas I pulled out the robe last night for the first time since I had moved (didn't need it during the summer) and apparently it was used to cushion furniture or something...because it was quite filthy...and too big for my washer. Awesome. So who was I? Well, I love low-maintenance costumes...and JL Clyde had a great idea when we had sushi last night (apparently we're regular customers now). Well, here's some clues. Think of a superhero...who plays second fiddle to the villain. Like me, he's good-looking, strong, arrogant, a little stupid, but has a lovely singing voice and can steal an entire movie with one line. Guesses? Anybody? That's right, CAPTAIN HAMMER!!! "Who?" Captain Hammer...from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. "Really?" Yes really...and the hammer is my penis, so deal with it. I cut out a hammer logo out of construction paper (and quite well I might add), put it over a T-shirt, put on some cargo pants and some black gloves and BOOM!!! It's only fitting being the bastard child of Batman & Wonder Woman, right?

As you might have guessed, this is not me,

this is character actor Nathan Fillion...

but I bear a striking resemblance.

Pictures of me are coming soon to your web...

One of the activities at work was having my tarot cards read. It had been a while since I had my cards read...since my High Priestess Bubbles moved to Vegas about 19 months ago. Well, the results were...interesting. All three cards pulled were Swords...from what I was told stand for Struggle & Animosity. Oddly enough, the first question out of her was "Is there a woman in your life?" "Ugh...no, not really. Why do you ask?" "Well, just this card I drew right here is...usually a pretty bad one for someone in a relationship." "Great, we're starting off with the usual. (Laughter between us)." "Have you felt like you've been struggling a bit or had some kind of struggles over the past few months?" "Yeah, of course. Doesn't everybody?" "But more than usual." "Ugh...I did get laid off after moving to Denver & had to return here...so yeah, maybe." "Let's see, the first card is the Seven of Swords (reading from the book) and it usually means that if you have any future business ventures or adventures...that you may want to wait a while. To do it now would mean a long struggle that would frustrate you." "Hmm, so if I were...hypothetically speaking, thinking about moving to Lake Tahoe for a new job then..." "Then you may want to wait about three months." "Sigh...where were you three months ago when I started this stuff?" "Next is the Knight of Swords. Is there a dark-haired man in your life?" "(Moment of thought) No. I have absolutely no idea who this could be." "Well, basically it's a bit of a warning where this man may try to mislead you and lead you towards future struggles." "Good to know." "Last here is the card that I was asking about earlier, the Queen of Swords. Do you know who this might be? Possibly a dark-haired beautiful woman that you have a friendship with?" "I have a pretty good idea who it might be." "Well, basically this woman is probably not to be trusted. She's prone to gossip & drama...and you shouldn't tell her anything that you don't want everybody to know." "Or conversely, if I wanted everybody to know...then maybe I should tell her...to you know, spread the word, right?" "I guess that's a good way of looking at it...but she's usually prone to trickery...and very calculating & brilliant, yet can be vindictive." "Hmm, I could see that. All good things to know. Thank you priestess lady (who I see in the lunch room once in a while)." So there you go...maybe Lake Tahoe isn't the right move for me...but I still think I'm gonna give it a go. Apparently I also have to watch out for you devilishly hot & clever brunettes...and the man in black. Anyway, here's some more factually based news...

The Apocalypse is Coming...in My Pants - A man was caught by Norwegian customs carrying a tarantula in his bag, fourteen Royal Pythons and ten Albino Leopard Geckos taped to his body, media reported Monday. The 22-year-old Norwegian was stopped in a routine check by Kristiansand customs after arriving on a ferry from Denmark, newspaper Faedrelandsvennen reported. Customs found the tarantula, before deciding to give him a full body search that revealed 14 stockings -- one for each snake -- taped around his torso. Reptile smuggling is not uncommon in Norway, which prohibits people holding many reptile species as pets, but office manager Helge Breilid at Kristiansand customs was quoted by VG as saying customs officers had been "horrified" by Sunday's catch. "Customs officers quickly realized the man was smuggling animals, because his whole body was in constant motion," Breilid told VG. When the man dropped his pants (oh yeah), the officers found 10 cans taped to his legs, each containing a lizard, he said. The man was still being held by police Monday, Kristiansand police attorney Johann Martin Kile told VG, adding he would be released upon agreeing to pay a 12,500 Norwegian crowns ($2,256) fine. The reptiles were handed over to a security firm until Norwegian authorities decide what to do with them, Breilid said. You know, if I were caught in that situation, I would try to talk my way out of it somehow. "The snakes made me do it. They took control. FOR GOD'S SAKE THEY WERE IN MY PANTS!!! You've seen the gecko on TV. He's quite persuasive. Now imagine TEN of those little bastards running around...in your pants." I would think that of all places in the world for a reptile to live...that Norway would be the worst. I mean...it's cold there, right? That's why they have to be imported...because otherwise they wouldn't survive. Anyway, odd story...and it involves snakes...traveling to new countries where they can't naturally go. Beware.

The Real La-Z-Boy - A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers. Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured. Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders (nice!). Sixth Judicial District Judge Heather Sweetland stayed 180 days of jail time Monday and ordered two years of probation for Anderson. His attorney, David Keegan, did not immediately return a call for comment. I guess when you have nothing better to do in northern Minnesota, you'll sit around in your recliner and think "How could this possibly get better?" A few weeks later, you'll get arrested for driving your recliner with a two-cycle engine & a grooler into a parked car. Ingenuity - It's what makes America great!!! Who knows? Maybe he'll come out of jail in six months with a new invention...like a way of making Old Milwaukee Light out of a toilet. Actually, now that I think about it, they probably are already using that technique.

Robot Seed - Have you ever wondered what engineers do when they get bored? Besides design sexbots? Well, now you know. Aerospace engineers have designed a hovering craft that mimics the spiraling pattern made by maple tree seeds. That's right. Maple seeds. Called RoboSeed NAV (nano air vehicle), the craft has a maximum dimension of less than 4 inches (9.5 cm), making it the world's smallest controllable single-winged rotating aircraft. Other flying craft may be smaller, but they have more than one wing and are symmetrical, according to the engineers who built RoboSeed. The team also built scaled-up versions of their one-winged crafts, which have more maneuverability. The crafts' petite size and weight, along with their hovering ability and quietness make them optimal for several applications, the researchers say, ranging from radio-controlled toys to low- and high-altitude satellites and communications transponders. Winged seeds, or samaras, such as that of the maple tree are considered some of the most efficient passive flyers, and hence have been ogled by many engineers looking to build tiny flying devices. Researchers have only recently figured out though just how nature's helicopters spin. Essentially, a swirling maple seed generates a tornado-like vortex above the front leading edge of the "helicopter," which effectively sucks the wing upward to oppose gravity. Since the 1950s, researchers have been trying to create a stable, unmanned aerial vehicle that could mimic a maple seed's flight...but their attempts have been unsuccessful, typically because of instability (I mean, even the seeds fall to the ground each & every time). Until now, the vehicles have been just a single component, and so the entire craft - wing and propeller - had to twist and turn as one unit. The result was an unstable vehicle that would crash with even a slight nudge from the wind. A team from the University of Maryland's Clark School of Engineering got around this problem by separating the wing from the propeller and electronics package into two attached components. That way the wing could tilt up or down without moving the rest of the vehicle. "We found that it behaved a lot more like a helicopter and it was highly stable even in the presence of wind," said graduate student and study team member Evan Ulrich. The team also tweaked the shape of the wing to match that of a maple seed, where the bulk of the surface area sits toward the tip, away from the center of rotation. "For natural maple seeds, it allows them to fall more slowly," Ulrich told LiveScience. "For ours, it allows it to hover for longer and more stably." Depending on which way a maple seed is tilted it will fall in one of two modes: It either carves out a small helix shape as it falls, essentially spiraling straight down, or it carves out a giant helix shape during descent. "The difference between those two flight patterns is the wing pitch. And so by variation of the wing pitch you can control how big the helix is you're descending in," Ulrich said. That's also how Ulrich and his team control the horizontal direction of the vehicle. By carving out a 160-feet-wide (50 meter) helix, say, the craft would travel pretty far in one direction and with the tilt of the wing, the craft could then descend in a tiny helix. So what're the real future applications? The craft's first non-lab setting may be on the shelves of toy stores as a radio-controlled device, according to Ulrich. That could be months away. But he has high hopes for its scientific applications. For instance, the vehicle can stay aloft for long periods of time without power, and so could be used as a low-altitude satellite. "If you can find in the atmosphere a location where there's a thermal that is equal to or greater than your descent velocity, then you can turn off your motor and hover. It's sort of like getting free energy from the atmosphere. You can remain aloft indefinitely as long as you can stay in one of these thermals." The device could also be used as a transponder to send radio signals from the ground. "With one of these things it's simple and robust enough if you were to put a communications beacon on it a soldier could throw it up in the air and it would climb and relay a message. That's just a few months away. The vehicle is capable of doing these things right now; it can carry a payload, and it can be hand launched, and it's extremely easy to control." Further off, he envisions the device being used for higher-altitude mapping of rooms and even caves. So there you go. Next time you're out in the yard spinning maple leaves like a helicopter, just keep in mind that somebody was doing that 20 years ago...and has found a way to make them into a satellite. Pretty cool, huh?

Texting Gone Wrong - Georgia (the state, not the country) police said a misdialed number led two strangers to trade hostile calls and text messages before arranging a meeting where one shot the other. Savannah-Chatham police spokeswoman Veda Lamar Nichols told the Savannah Morning News in a Wednesday story that a 22-year old man faces an aggravated assault charge. The suspect was jailed after a 24-year-old man was shot in a CVS parking lot around 2:30 a.m. Tuesday. Nichols said the victim was taken to Memorial University Medical Center in serious condition. She said the two didn't know each other but began arguing through phone calls and text messages after a misdialed number and arranged to meet in the store's parking lot. The suspect was taken to the Chatham County jail. Nichols said his vehicle was damaged during the incident. We've all received random texts, right? Every last one of us. Even those of us with no friends. I could see how this might happen. Somebody got a fake phone number from a chick that he was hitting on who wasn't interested in him. So he texts her later...only to find some dude responds with "Who is this?" "This is Mike from last night at the bar." "Sorry Mike, you got the wrong number. I don't do dudes." "Oooh, so you like the ladies. That's hot." "Whatever (slur). Quit texting me." "What? Who are you calling a (slur) (colorful metaphor)?" "You (horrible thing to say in front of children)!!!" "Oh yeah, well meet me at the CVS and say it to my face if you have the fortitude." "What? Why CVS?" "Because I don't want you to bleed to death after I f**king beat your (backside) so a pharmacy would be suitable." "See ya there in 15, trick. Make sure your affairs are in order." And I think you know where it goes from here. Just goes to show...if you get a random text, kindly request who it is...and if they won't tell you or it's somebody you don't know, the conversation is over. Don't get shot over trying to be clever. Keep it to the professionals.

Well, that'll do it for tonight. Have a glorious Halloween Weekend everybody!!!

Did I Fall Asleep?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Sorry it's been a while...but I have a pretty good reason. My weekend was pretty awesome. Full of hugs, smiles, junk food, and THREE birthday parties (and another that I had to RSVP No). It started Friday night when JL Clyde came over with her laptop and we watched a few episodes of "Dollhouse", then some of this Simon Pegg show "Spaced" which was okay, and then I somehow got conned into watching an episode of "Glee." Now, I knew going into this...that I wanted nothing to do with it. Musicals, high schools, dancing, teenage drama, just nothing that intrigues me at all (except maybe the cheerleader outfits). Well, it was even worse than I thought it was going to be. Not my cup of tea at all...but luckily it was quickly replaced by images of Eliza Dushku kicking ass in stilettos. Good times.

Saturday, I went to my buddy Isaiah's daughter Seriah's 5th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese...and my brother & his kids were there too. (P.S. My sister-in-law apparently got fired from her job at Wienerschnitzel in the first week & may have the swine flu...and when I was told that, I laughed for about ten minutes straight) Anyway, I played arcade games with the kids and caught up with some of my friends that were there. I even won a few hundred tickets in the games...which was enough to get a few pieces of Laffy Taffy and a bracelet for my niece. What can I say? I know how to pick out jewelry for the ladies. After the party, my brother had to go to work...and my stepdad had to go sleep (he had been up for almost 3 hours) so I was kind of put into a situation as babysitter for a few hours. It was no problem though because the kids were exhausted from the party, so I put them down for a nap...and watched some of the new season of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" on Comcast On-Demand. Good times. Oh...and get this, my camera was as dead as a doornail so...here are some horrible pictures from my cell phone...

After that, we went to my Uncle Dave's 50th birthday party and do you know what's crazier & more annoying than a bunch of kids at a Chuck E. Cheese? A bunch of redneck kids in a room full of balloons. "Hey mom, if you need anything I'll be outside having a smoke." "You don't smoke." "Yeah well...I just need to get out of this room. Right now." After about an hour there, we went up to my mom's to hang out for the night. We watched "Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest" and then went to bed. The next morning, I was again thrown into the position of involuntary babysitter because my mom left early in the morning to set up my niece's birthday party and my stepdad...was into hour 20 of his slumber. It's hard to feel for the man. I know he hurts sometimes with his fibromyalgia...but it's really hard to feel for him when you ask him to do anything and he'll just try to pawn it off on somebody else...or just not do it. I'm not sure how my mom does it...but then again, she's a kind soul like me. Kairi, Vinny & I had fun though...and then we went to her birthday party...and it was awesome. Here are some pictures...

Okay, I know my phone camera sucks...

but you can tell that these balloons for a kid's party

were probably bought at an adult novelty store, right?

I mean...they were even ribbed on the shaft

That murderous evil b**ch of a fairy

Tinker Bell is my niece's favorite

After the party, my brother & I played some Rock Band. Now they have Queen...including the booty anthem "Fat Bottomed Girls" and that's awesome. Then we watched "Monsters vs. Aliens" with the kids...and it was exactly what you would expect from a kids flick. Then it was getting late so I said my goodbyes and went back home to work today. I realize this is really the quick rundown of the weekend & sounds kind of boring...but it really was a lot of fun to spend time with my family & friends. Great weekend.

Monday, I went to work...but that's lame. When I got home though, the Wingman was in town...so instead of watching the Eagles beat the Racists, I hung out with him...and we had fun. Hence why I didn't blog (that and that I didn't really have much to blog about). Tuesday was work again...and again, that was pretty lame...but then that night, instead of the Wingman (who had a sh*tty day thanks to the inequities of the Utah legal system & his b**ch of an ex-wife) taking up my night, my mom was there to hang with. She was in town with work...and wanted nothing more than to hang with her favorite oldest son...and watch "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia." Go figure.

Today...was more of the same. At work, our email went down all day Tuesday...and when they got it working again, the first email I got back...was from my old job in Denver. Apparently a certain report hadn't been filed in a while (like 6 months maybe?) and they asked me about it. Luckily it was copied to my former bosses so I didn't have to reply with a "Ugh...you b**ches laid me off 6 months ago, that's why it hasn't been done" or something like that. Thought it was funny. Also thought it was funny that the next email back was from JJ...and informing me that she saw that Sylvia Browne...and Montel Williams were coming to town...and she thought of me (because she knows how I feel about Sylvia). Good times. Also, my mom was here again tonight...but she's asleep & snoring now...so I thought I'd blog real quick...since it's only like 11 at night.

Anyway, that's a quick catchup. Halloween's just around the corner and I still have no idea what to be. I'll figure it out though. Same with Tahoe, no real news other than I asked about it earlier today...and they said they may have an update for me by the end of the week (aka two days from now) so we'll see. Glad to be back. Sorry I haven't had more elaborate or entertaining stories to tell...but I've been hanging with those that I Love. You know how it is. When you're hanging with those that you Love, then it's really only entertaining to you most of the time. Bubbles is coming to town this weekend. Maybe I'll get to see her this time. Have a great day everybody!!!

A Lock of History

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

No update on the job front in the past few days...but hey, I'm still optimistic. The Wingman stopped by on short notice last night and we had dinner at Winger's (they have some pretty good wings) and watched some "Californication" and we've realized that the show's gimmick is David Duchovny having sex with a different hot chick every episode (one episode was questionable, it needed some elaboration because it was an ex-girlfriend from a previous episode) but we're pretty convinced that his contract for that show states that fact and that there must be at least two references to him having a gigantic penis per show. Pretty uneventful evening other than that. The city shuts down after 9 PM and the gentlemen's clubs suck balls (the bad way) here in Utah anyway. Seriously, you get more at a dance club. That's why the drinks are more expensive. Now you know the drill. No need to thank me. Go to Vegas. Also, on a little side note, apparently my Wingman stumbled upon an erotic short story that I wrote one night when I couldn't sleep on my laptop...and he thinks that I might've missed my calling. I may have to look into a little side career as a smut novelist / sex addict like David Duchovny's character...with different neuroses. Anyway, I'll keep you posted on that too. Here's some news...

This Week in Celebrity Hair - A pile of hair believed snipped from Elvis Presley when he joined the U.S. Army in 1958 sold for $18,300 on Sunday, according to a Chicago auction house. The King's hair was one of about 200 items of Elvis memorabilia collected by the late Gary Pepper, who was the president of the Tankers Fan Club set up for Elvis fans. The top price of $62,800 was paid for a cream collared cotton shirt with the monogram EP that came with a magazine showing the King wearing the shirt (or at least one similar, wink wink). It had been expected to sell for between $2,000 and $4,000. A red ultrasuede shirt, which was also expected to sell for between $2,000 and $4,000, and was also believed to have been worn by Elvis sold for $34,000. Chicago-based Leslie Hindman Auctioneers posted the results of the auction on its website, saying the lot of hair sold for $18,300 which topped the expected price of between $8,000 and $12,000. All prices on its website included the buyer's premium. The auction house said the hair was given to Pepper to mail to Presley fans. No DNA test was carried out on the hair but the auctioneer quoted "an expert in celebrity hair authentication," John Reznikoff, saying it matched the Elvis hair he has in his collection (dark & highly stylized?). No details of the winning bidder were immediately available. Elvis died (yes, he did, deal with it) in 1977 at the age of 42. That's right. Over eighteen grand for a lock of hair...that may or may not really be that of the King. That's even more appalling than the fully-loaded Mercedes S-Class for a cotton shirt. At least with that you can wear it and stay warm. I guess when Cloning's a big thing again the hair might come in handy...but until then some Elvis fan just has entirely too much money to spend. I'd hate for this to happen...

Celebrity Hair: Part 2 - A Cleveland museum has learned that what it thought was a lock of hair from aviation heroine Amelia Earhart...is just thread. A group looking for DNA evidence of the pioneer aviator on a Pacific island recently asked the International Women's Air and Space Museum for a sample of the "hair" for comparison. Museum executive director Toni Mullee says an analysis determined the specimen was thread that looked like hair. Mullee says the museum acquired the artifact 20 years ago from the Smithsonian Institution, which had gotten it from a Pennsylvania man. The museum has had it on exhibit next to a book with an anecdote about a White House maid who saved some Earhart hair from a wastebasket. Mullee says the thread will stay on display, with a full explanation. Probably ending with "so...enjoy this piece of string...that may be from a wastebasket in the White House...or from the pocket of a snake oil salesman from Scranton...or it may have something to do with Amelia Earhart. We don't know. It's part of the Mystery that is History." That's like the Elvis fan that bought the lock of hair finding out it's a chimpanzee's ass clippings from a local zoo.

One The Next Episode of Cops - Where's the video footage on this one? Police in Naples are on the lookout for cocaine. Somehow, they lost their stash. A 2-gram packet was discovered missing this summer from a narcotics kit used in training. Two officers lost it in April...but they're unsure where. It could've been the police parking lot...or an airport rental car, but the likely spot was a hotel (yeah, that's where I lose my blow too). The veteran pair checked out the kit to train their police dogs, but the one who usually handles the drugs was called to a scene. By the time she returned, the dogs were energetic and destroying the room (maybe they found something left in the room from the night before?). The officers said they were focusing more on straightening up the hotel room than collecting the drugs, so the bag probably got left. Best part, they weren't reprimanded. Supervisors say it was an honest mistake. So...to just point out a few keys things about this story. What they think happened...as SIX MONTHS AGO, this cocaine was lost during a training exercise...and it wasn't realized until just now. Also, only one out of the three cops there was certified to handle it...but that one (mmm, a lady cop) was the person called to a scene...leaving behind two long-time veteran cops (who still weren't certified to handle drugs for whatever reason) with two K-9 officers...in a hotel room (or parking lot or rental car) and a few lines...er, grams of cocaine...waiting for the lady cop to come back. What exactly were they supposed to do in the meantime? What kind of a call was she called on? And when she did come back, the cops had lost control and the dogs were running things. Needless to say, there's a lot of holes in this story...and sure, it's only two grams...but if it were two kilos, then what? Oopsy? I know if I'm ever found with two grams (not sure why that'd ever happen) then I'm going to try to remember this story. "Maybe it was left in this seedy motel room during a training exercise." "Not likely...but what about this woman you're with? She's obviously a prostitute." "HEY!!! That's my girlfriend...ugh, Carmen you're talking about." "According to her ID, her name is Rachel." "B**ch, you lied to me!!! How could you?" Sigh...why does every story I tell start with something funny...and then end with me being arrested in a motel room with hookers & blow? Not really sure if that's an episode of Cops or Cheaters though. They both have their moments...er, so I'm told.

Cheaters Get Whipped? - Most Bruneians want husbands who cheat on their wives to be whipped, according to a recent survey in the Muslim-majority country. The survey, conducted by website brudirect (www.brudirect.com), found that 76% of 272 respondents said men should be whipped for having affairs, while only 55% said unfaithful wives should receive the same punishment. "The result of the survey is an indication of the pent-up feelings that women harbor against irresponsible men," an unnamed social worker from Brunei was quoted as saying on the website. The oil-rich state of Brunei, located on Borneo Island, has a population of almost 400,000 of which 66% are Muslim. So what do you think? Should unfaithful spouses be physically punished? Just husbands? Just wives? Honestly, in this instance, I don't know if it's just the pent-up feelings that women harbor against irresponsible men...or maybe that women are just evil & unforgiving in matters of the heart. I'm not a Bruneian scientist (at least that I know of). By the way, you know I just wrote that to try to get a response out of you ladies...so please, don't let me down. You know I love your way...everyday. I'll even start. I personally believe in the sanctity of marriage...so yeah, I'm down with a little physical punishment for cheaters...but then again, some people pay good money to be whipped. I'll tell ya, one industry that I'm sure hasn't been horribly effected by this economic recession is the Guild Of Domantrixes & Sadomasochists (GODS). I don't know though. What do you think?

In the meantime, on a completely different note, I'm going to spend the weekend with my family and enjoying my niece's 3rd birthday party. I'll be sure to have pictures of the little cutie...and probably her little brother too. It should be awesome. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Turtles In Time

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yesterday was an extremely lazy day...but it was a lot of fun too. I spent the morning cleaning my apartment & cooking while listening to some classic Jay-Z, some for the first time in a few years. Good times. I'm sure some of my neighbors were wondering what the hell I was doing rocking out to "Reasonable Doubt" on a Tuesday afternoon...but it was a nice throwback to my early high school days. I also made quite possibly the most delicious lunchtime meal ever made. Have you ever wondered "How can this chili mac & cheese POSSIBLY get any better?" Well, I've found out how. You mix some crumbled blue cheese...and some crispy bacon bits into it. You're welcome. Now go forth and share $teve's Silly Mac with your friends & family. Warning: Though it is INSANELY delicious, the mixture of this meal with a breakfast high in fiber and vegetables can lead to excessive flatulence and perhaps a case of the bubble guts. Now I can't comment on the smell (various nasal injuries over the years) but given the ingredients, I'm assuming it would be at least...earthy. You've been warned.

Another throwback to the childhood days came a little later in the day. I started playing my PS3 when I got a call from my brother. Apparently he & my buddy Isaiah were doing the same...and we decided to play "TMNT: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled" which is classic 1991 arcade game, now in 3-D for the PS3. See, back in the day, the three of spent the good portion of our allowances playing this arcade game...and a good deal of our free time playing ninja turtles in fields with stick weapons and bandanas...as all the cool kids do. So, to be in our mid-to-late twenties and play this game again (from beginning to end) was a fun time...especially with being able to strategize & talk sh*t from a few counties away thanks to new technology like the internet and Bluetooth devices. It was like we were ten years old again...just with stuff like jobs and bills and kids and ex-wives. The plan to rob a bank dressed as them still sounds pretty awesome to me...but yeah, still reserved for the virtual world at this time. Playing the game together was a lot of fun though. After that, I got "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" through Netflix and decided to watch it again, basically give it a second chance...and it still was pretty damn horrible to watch. I basically ended up fast forwarding to the action sequences...and shot with Megan Fox...and that's really about the only way to watch it...and you can get the full experience in less than an hour. No need to thank me, just pay it forward. Now here's the news...

BCS Shakeup? - This story is really just ridiculous to me. I'm a huge fan of college football and all...but come on. A senator whose undefeated home state school was bypassed for the college football national championship last season urged President Barack Obama on Wednesday to ask the Justice Department to investigate the Bowl Championship Series, citing Obama's own concerns about the way the top team is crowned in building a case for action. "Mr. President, as you have publicly stated on multiple occasions, the BCS system is in dire need of reform," wrote Utah Senator Orrin Hatch in a 10-page letter to Obama calling for an antitrust probe of the BCS. The Associated Press obtained a copy of the letter (for a nominal fee). Shortly after his election last year, Obama said he was going to "to throw my weight around a little bit" to nudge college football toward a playoff system (he said a lot of things). Obama and Hatch are among the many critics of how the BCS (a complex system of computer rankings and polls that often draws criticism) determines its national champion. Hatch, who held a hearing on the BCS in July, told Obama that a "strong case" can be made that the BCS violates antitrust laws. Under the BCS system, some athletic conferences get automatic bids to participate in top-tier bowl games while others don't, and the automatic bid conferences also get far more of the revenue (and yet, he doesn't understand why they get automatic bids). Hatch's home state school, the University of Utah (GO UTES!!!) is from the Mountain West Conference, which does not get an automatic bid. The school qualified for a bid last season but was bypassed for the national championship despite going undefeated (and the same thing happened four years earlier too). The system "has been designed to limit the number of teams from non-privileged conferences that will play in BCS games," Hatch wrote. Hatch said the BCS arrangement likely violates the Sherman Antitrust Act because, he argued, it constitutes a "contract, combination in the form of trust or otherwise, or conspiracy, in restraint of trade or commerce," quoting from the law. He said the system "artificially limits the number of nationally-relevant bowl games to five. The result is reduced access to revenues and visibility which creates disadvantages to schools in the non-privileged conferences." Hatch is the top Republican on the Senate Judiciary's subcommittee on antitrust, competition policy and consumer rights. The senator said the hundreds of millions of dollars generated by college football "are hardly trivial sums," given that many schools use such revenue to fund things like other athletic programs. The Justice Department said it would review the letter and respond as appropriate. The White House declined to comment (probably because it's a f**king house). The chairman of the BCS Presidential Oversight Committee, Harvey Perlman, said, "Like a majority of presidents, commissioners, athletics directors and coaches, we stand behind the BCS as the best way to identify a national champion." Perlman, who is chancellor of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, noted that 120 schools compete through the season for the opportunity to play in four major bowls and the national championship game. "No effort should be made to take away some of the best traditions of college football, which include the bowl games. Most importantly, our attorneys have done exhaustive reviews over the years, and we are confident that the BCS is in full compliance with the laws of the nation." Alan G. Fishel, an attorney for the Mountain West Conference and Boise State University, backed Hatch's effort. "If the government can look at the concentration of money in railroads, telecommunications and software developers, then why not the big business of college sports in America?" he said. Hatch's letter comes a few days after the BCS released its first standings of the year. And on Monday, a group of college football fans launched the Playoff PAC, with the hope of electing more lawmakers who will pressure the BCS to switch to a playoff system. Several lawmakers have introduced bills this year aimed at forcing a playoff system, but none of the bills has advanced.

Why is this ridiculous? We all know why the BCS is the way that it is. Certain schools & athletic conferences finance the bowl games through corporate sponsorships, boosters and whatever else...so they natural get the vote in how certain things are determined. It's just how it is. Now, anti-trust laws may be broken...but the same laws are being broken when you restrict things like child labor, minimum wages and other aspects of a business or industry. Basically, it's similar to why Big Oil has its political pull...or why we didn't have electric cars until very recently when the market demanded it. Those who have the money & have the political pull can make the rules. The real reason this is ridiculous though...is because there are so many other concerns out there that the government should be focusing on...besides how the champion of one collegiate sport is determined. What should be more important is how we're going to get more kids into college...or make their high schools better...or elementary schools better by using the funding from these college sports. Oh, is that too small potatoes? How about Healthcare? How about this worldwide economic clusterf**k? World Peace? Global warming? The coming Apocalypse? Let's try to focus on the big issues and not get distracted by these kind of things. Senator Hatch, I've got your back. I too believe that the University of Utah was jipped on a chance at TWO National Championships...but I'd happily hand the trophy over to the University of Toronto if it meant I could afford to get sick in my own country. I'm frankly more concerned about being devoured by a f**king anaconda than whether a school gets a trophy saying how awesome they are. That's just me. Let's take care of the big things...and the little things will take care of themselves. Honestly, if we want a fair shake at the National Championship, we have to fill a 100,000 seat stadium every Saturday like some of the other big colleges AND create a fine football product. Time will tell if that'll ever happen. In the meantime, we'll take on the underdog role. Again, go Utes!!!

Music & Exercise - So a mere 25 years after the Walkman came into play, there is some hard-hitting scientific evidence confirming the connection between Music & Jogging. With the Fall marathon season in full swing, thousands of runners are gearing up for the big day. Just as important as their broken-in shoes and heart rate monitor is their source of motivation, inspiration and distraction: their tunes. Running with music has become so common that the two biggest names in both industries, Nike and Apple, have been joined at the hip with the Nike + iPod combination. So, what is it about music and running, or any exercise, that feels so right? Several recent studies try to chase down the connection between our ears and our feet. For the last 20 years, Costas Karageorghis, a sports psychologist at Britain's Brunel University, has been setting the research pace for understanding our need to groove and move. In addition to his lab research, Karageorghis has helped create a half marathon in London that tries to find the perfect music mix of live bands based on his research of human reaction to rhythm. The second annual "Run to the Beat" event was held a few weeks ago with 9,000 laboratory rats, er, runners either enjoying the live music or listening to their own mix of tunes on their MP3. Karageorghis even offered a scientific selection of songs based on his findings (found on the link). According to Kargeorghis, there are four factors that contribute to a song's motivational qualities: Rhythm Response, Musicality, Cultural Impact and Association. The first two are known as "internal" factors as they relate to the music's structure while the second two are "external" factors that reflect how we interpret the music. Rhythm Response is tied to the beats per minute (bpm) of the song and how well it matches either the cadence or the heartbeat of the runner. A song's structure such as its melody and harmony contribute to its Musicality. The external factors consider our musical background and the preferences we have for a certain genre of music and what we have earned to associate with certain songs and artists. Picking the right music can have several benefits. Syncing beats per minute with an exercise pace increases your efficiency. In a recent study, subjects who cycled in time to music found that they required 7% less oxygen to do the same work when compared to music playing in the background. Music can also help block out the little voice in your brain telling you its time to quit. Research shows that this dissociation effect results in a 10% reduction in perceived effort during treadmill running at a moderate intensity. In the current study, published in the Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 30 subjects synchronized their pace to the tempo of the music which was 125 bpm. Before the experiment, a pool of music was rated using a questionnaire tool (the Brunel Music Rating Inventory) which then selected the most motivational pieces for the treadmill test. The subjects were given a choice of either pop or rock music. When compared to a no-music control, the motivational synchronized music led to a 15% improvement in endurance. "The synchronous application of music resulted in much higher endurance while the motivational qualities of the music impacted significantly on the interpretation of fatigue symptoms right up to the point of voluntary exhaustion," Karageorghis reported. Matching the beats per minute of our music with our exercise heart rate also takes an interesting non-linear path, according to research. Karageorghis found that when our hearts are performing at between 30 and 70% of maximum, we prefer a somewhat linear increase from 90 to 120 bpm. However, when we reach our anaerobic threshold between 70 and 80% of maximum, we prefer a jump in rhythm from 120 to 150 bpm. Above 80% of maximum heart rate, a plateau is reached where even faster music is not preferred. Another new study by researchers from Liverpool John Moores University, and detailed online in the Scandinavian Journal of Medicine & Science in Sports, looked at the tempo angle differently. Instead of a mix of different songs at different tempos, they asked a group of cyclists to pedal to the same song over three different trials. What the subjects did not know is that the researchers first played the song at normal speed, but then increased or decreased the speed of the same song by 10 percent. The small change was not enough to be noticed, but it did have an effect on performance. Speeding up the music program increased distance covered/unit time, power and pedal cadence by 2.1%, 3.5% and 0.7%, respectively. Slowing the program produced falls of 3.8%, 9.8% and 5.9%. The researchers concluded that we increase or decrease our work effort and pace to match the tempo of our music. Finding the right beat has now become even easier with a software plug-in tool called Tangerine. By integrating with your iTunes library, it can build a custom playlist based on the BPM range you provide, while arranging the songs in several different tempo shapes including warm-ups and warm-downs. With the right mix, your brain and feet will be in perfect harmony. So get out there & start jogging!!!

Now that I've bored you with science, I'll leave you be for the evening. Tomorrow, maybe I'll have another update on my professional career...but then again, probably not. Have a great day everybody!!!

Eagles Pay It Forward

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This weekend was a lot of fun. Saturday morning, I had work...but it was okay because I was done by 3 PM and had the rest of the day to be lazy, if I so chose. Saturday night, JL Clyde & I went to the Ingrid Michaelson concert...well, at least to the line. We stood there in a daunting line that wrapped around the block, without tickets, surrounded by teenagers, 90% jailbait (seriously, I think I was the only straight guy there without a wife) and JL Clyde had been sick for the past few days so she was drained. After a while, she just suggested that we bail, go get some gelato & watch some horrible movies...and that we did. We watched "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" and "Tenacious D & the Pick of Destiny" and saved about twenty bucks each. Not a bad day.

Sunday, I started doing a bunch of laundry and what-not...then headed over to my dad's to watch football (congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs on getting their first victory in a full year & making my dad happy). We caught the last quarter of yet another Favrish comeback, then the first half of probably the worst beatdown I've witnessed outside of a video game where the Patriots added a victory against the Titans 59-0 in the snow, then they switched to another game...but it didn't matter which because I was just watching the bottom line score of the Eagles / Raiders game. As any fellow Eagles fan can tell you, it's simply ridiculous that the Eagles lost to the Raiders...but I know the back-story...and am going to share it all with you. Remember the Christmas Miracle last year? Of course you do. Where the Eagles had to win their final game and three other teams had to lose for the Eagles to go to the playoffs? Well, if you remember, the last piece of that puzzle...was the lowly Raiders defeating the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (in another great father-son back-story). So a few hours earlier Sunday, the unexpected happened...and the division rival Chiefs got their first win of the year, the Raiders needed a win to stay out of a tie with them for the worst record in the division. That being the case, they called in a favor from the Eagles, "Hey, we helped you get to the playoffs last year. Can you give us a freebie?" Being an organization of great honor, they agreed...and tried as hard as they could to lose a game to the Raiders...but it was no easy task. You see, the Raiders are absolutely horrible. I mean, dreadful as a franchise. The Eagles played their absolute worst...and still could only give them a four-point lead. It became evident that after the 86-yard Zach Miller touchdown in the first quarter (which the more I look at it seems like the Eagles were really laying on the cheeziness with all of the flagrant missed tackles, I was afraid that the referees would catch on) but even after that, they just couldn't get the Raiders to score more points to make it a respectable game. Apparently it's a difficult task to be a worse football team than the Oakland Raiders...but somehow the Eagles pulled together...and managed to return the favor from last year by keeping the Raiders out of the AFC West cellar. Great job guys. Now just win the rest of your games. I don't think you need to repay any more favors this year. So yeah, the Bears / Falcons game was pretty good too...and I got to hang with my dad & have a steak dinner. That was my weekend. How about yours?

A-Team Movie Update - Who didn't like the A-Team? The group of disavowed mercenaries helping out the helpless...for a price. It's taken them long enough...but Hollywood's now well on the way to making it into a movie (and probably series of movies). They've announced that South African filmmaker turned "District 9" lead actor Sharlto Copley has apparently been offered the role of Capt. "Howling Mad" Murdock in Fox's upcoming "The A-Team" feature film reports Blackfilm. If true and accepted, Copley would take on the role made famous by Dwight Schultz in the 80's series. In that he was a highly skilled helicopter pilot who was officially declared mentally unstable and spent much of the series residing in a psychiatric hospital (though its hinted more than once his insanity is a ruse). Copley would join the already confirmed Liam Neeson ("Taken") playing the leader John "Hannibal" Smith, Bradley Cooper ("The Hangover") playing Lt. Templeton "Faceman" Peck and UFC fighter Quinton "Rampage" Jackson to play Sgt. "B.A." Baracus in the adaptation directed by Joe Carnahan ("Smokin' Aces"). Shooting is already underway in Vancouver for release next Summer. Can't wait to see it.

Wackiest US Attractions - Alliance, Nebraska's automotive replica of England's famed Stonehenge has been named the No. 2 wackiest attraction in America (and only a four-hour road trip from Denver). Carhenge uses old cars painted stone gray to replicate the stone formations found at Stonehenge. Carhenge received the wacky recognition from the travel advice site, TripAdvisor, as part of a list of the nation's ten wackiest attractions. The only attraction deemed wackier than Carhenge...is the toilet seat museum in San Antonio that features more than 800 decorated toilet seat lids but no bathroom. Go figure. Also making the Top 10 list are Stone Henge II in Kerrville, Texas & the Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, Texas (which is basically three Caddys sticking out of the ground). My personal favorites from the list are the House on the Rock in Spring Green, Wisconsin (seen it firsthand and it's awesome), the Museum of Pez Memorabilia just outside of San Francisco & the 17,400 pound ball of twine in Darwin, Minnesota. No go forth and see these crazy things. You deserve a vacation.

Shocking News Out of Detroit - So a pro sports franchise is finally leaving Detroit after a lot of rough years for this city. The interesting thing is...that it's the one team that's had a lot of success over the last decade, the WNBA's Detroit Shock. Yes, the ladies that have won three of the last 7 WNBA championships under the expert coaching of bad boy Bill Laimbeer have announced that are moving their franchise to another city, one with more financial opportunities & a fiery fan base that hasn't been as thoroughly ravaged by the economic downturn of the past few years. That city...is Tulsa, Oklahoma. Last week, a group of investors in Tulsa said they would formally apply to the WNBA to purchase a franchise. Lead investor Bill Cameron has said his group, called Tulsa Pro Hoops LLC, will exercise its option to buy a WNBA team and expected a decision from the league by the end of October with the goal of having a team in Oklahoma next season. Cameron and fellow investor David Box (both Oklahoma City businessmen) announced last month that former Tulsa and Arkansas coach Nolan Richardson would serve as the WNBA team's coach and general manager if Tulsa landed a franchise. A spokesman for Cameron and Box did not immediately return phone messages left Monday, and Richardson didn't immediately return a phone message left at his Arkansas home. The Shock had a lot of success on the court, but not in the stands in a state with four major professional teams along with Michigan and Michigan State athletics. In the 2003 WNBA finals, Detroit did draw 22,076 fans — setting a record for the largest crowd to watch a women's professional basketball game — but most games were sparsely attended with a curtain covering up the upper level of The Palace of Auburn Hills. Tulsa, with about 385,000 people, would be the second-smallest city with a WNBA franchise (after Uncasville, Connecticut). The team would play at the BOK Center, which holds about 18,000 and opened last year. Cameron and Box are members of the ownership group of the Tulsa Talons of arenafootball2. Cameron also is part of the ownership group of the NBA's Oklahoma City Thunder. That group bought the then-Seattle SuperSonics and the WNBA's Seattle Storm in July 2006, but sold the WNBA franchise to Seattle investors before moving the NBA franchise to Oklahoma City last year. The Shock's move would give the state of Oklahoma two professional basketball teams. Why do I mention this? Because somebody has to talk about the WNBA dammit...and I've taken it upon myself. By the way, did you know that the Phoenix Mercury won their second straight championship last week? No, you didn't. Why? Because there's only a few of us out there that Love the ladies like I do...and even fewer still with the financial means to do something about it. I hope the city of Tulsa enjoys their WNBA franchise. I sure miss the Starzz (who are now in San Antonio playing games near the Toilet Museum).

I don't really have a lot else to talk about today. Maybe tomorrow I'll have another fun adventure to share with you...but until then, have a great day everybody!!!