Man with the BIIIIIIG Packages

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

First up, just a real quick news story that I thought was interesting & pointless all at the same time…

 

Deadbeat Dad Sentenced - An Ohio appeals court has upheld a judge's order that a deadbeat father can't have more kids until he pays his back child support. The decision this week by the 9th District Court of Appeals didn't provide an opinion about whether the judge's order was appropriate (or technically legal, temporary castration?). Instead the appeals court said it didn't have enough information to decide the merits of the case without a copy of the pre-sentence report detailing Asim Taylor's background. In January 2013, Lorain County Probate Judge James Walther said Taylor couldn't have more children while he is on probation for five years. The judge said the order would be lifted if Taylor pays nearly $100,000 in overdue support for his four children. The (Elyria) Chronicle-Telegram reports that Taylor's attorney is arguing that the order violates his right to reproduce… which is obvious… but I was more surprised that he only had four children. I mean… we all know lots of deadbeat dads who have LOTS more children… some of them go Antonio Cromartie when trying to name them all & just forget… but at least he has multiple concussions to blame for that. The topic aroused is… should the “Idiocracy Prophecy” be stopped? Now… I’m sure there’s extenuating circumstances as to why he owes $100,000 in back child support stemming from a combination of lawyers, evil exes & delinquency fees… but the mind boggles at this sentence. Should the courts have this kind of power? How would the order be executed? By which I mean the zygote? Obviously he has some sort of latex allergy that prohibits him from wearing standard condoms… so will his special ordered condoms be covered by the courts? Will somebody be assigned to follow him around for any casual hookups that may result in zygote? If not, will his parole officer be inquiring into his affairs? Is temporary castration the answer? How the f**k is he going to make $100,000 without robbing a bank or winning the lottery? Obviously he’s not raking in the dough… at least on the books. What about deadbeat moms? OH YES!!! They exist… I assure you. What of them? My brother’s ex-crackwhore wife is on child #6 with father #6… and apparently her first five children are with the fathers (except my niece who is with my brother). Should she be restricted from reproducing? Look… it’s a stupid sentence that’ll never fly… but it does raise some questions. Should society pay for unwanted children? That’s obviously a coldhearted way of looking at it… but obviously most REAL parents are having trouble raising their own children… so why should they be further burdened because of others? Is it fair to them? Conversely, is it fair to the children caught in the middle of all of this? “Sorry, mommy was drunk one night & daddy was a rolling stone so… I guess you’ll just have to enjoy a life of neglect & poverty.” Ugh… deadbeats anger me… sometimes I’m glad that I didn’t get laid throughout college so… I’m pretty sure there’s no little me’s running around out there. Hmm… except from sperm bank donations… but obviously those parents are pretty well to do. Anyway, if you ever need a fun topic for discussion at baby showers… you know where to find me, enjoy!

 

Wednesday night, after probably the hottest day that I’ve ever experienced here in downtown (a scorching 92… yeah, I know… I’m a puss now), I met up with Bubbles & we had a nice little dinner at Little Nepal over on Cortland (really like that area) and caught up on the events in each other’s lives. She’s still growing weary of San Francisco… but not sure where she’d want to move to just yet? I like it here… dare say I love it here… but it’s hella expensive… and it’s not like I need to live here for any particular reason… but yeah, I plan on staying for a while… at least another year… but we shall see. After dinner, I dropped her off at her apartment, headed back home & had four packages waiting for me…

 

The first contained my PS3 which had been sent off thanks to the “Yellow Light of Death” but hopefully I can copy the files & get a few more years out of it. Yes, it’s one of the originals from 7-8 years ago… but I keep it pretty clean from dust & changed out the hard drive to a 500 GB system a while back… and never had problems with it before it… just decided to stop. Anyway, this company gave it a once-over, changed out a few things that’re usually the problem & hopefully it’ll work out for a little bit longer because… there’s pretty much no way that I’m going to buy a PS4 any time soon. I just… don’t play enough for it to be feasible.

 

The second was from Amazon… and it contained two new books… “President Me” by Adam Carolla, which is basically things he would change if he were President of the United States… and “Shrinkage” by “Bald” Bryan Bishop, which is essentially a chronicle of the first year of his life after being diagnosed with a brain tumor. Fun subject matter obviously, but apparently he has a well-written, lighthearted & ultimately thankful approach to it… and I like supporting their endeavours… so yeah, I’ll have to give them a read… and hopefully get them signed this Sunday when I see them in person at The Palace of the Fine Arts for a live podcast… with special guest Mike Rowe.

 

 

The third contained a large refill of PBW (pretty nifty powder cleaner for brewing supplies) and a quad core kit… which is basically four one-gallon fermenters with the fixings… but essentially it’s a way for us to take a standard five gallon batch of homebrew… and experiment a little bit if we wanted to. For example, if we wanted to test out different yeasts from the same wort to see what might work best in another large batch, we can split them up into the 4-5 fermenters and test them out simultaneously. Another option might be if we do the same primary fermentation… but then in the secondary we want to dry hop… or add fruit… or maybe some bourbon… or vanilla extract… or cold lager as opposed to standard fermentation… and on and on… so that we can find the best recipes possible in the simplest time… and we’re kind of nerds… so that may be awesome. Another options… let’s say that we want to do a lager or bock that requires cold fermentation. Well, it’s difficult to get a full 5-gallon carboy into a fridge, especially with roommates… but if we split it up into one-gallon carboys… then we can put one in the fridge… two in another fridge… and maybe two in another, so there’s a little flexibility there. I’m really excited about the options with these… so I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

 

The fourth & final package of the day… was actually an envelope… and it contained… the results from the Napa Homebrewers Classic that we entered last month. As you can see… we’re now officially… AWARD-WINNING BREWERS!!!

 

Yes, we took 3^rd place for an American Amber with our Honey Amber recipe… and scored “very good” on the judging with 37 out of 50. Now, the Oktoberfest scored a 27 which was okay… but as mentioned, I thought it tasted watered-down a bit & the judges kind of confirmed my suspicions… but yeah, the Honey Amber turned out amazing & I couldn’t be happier with the results honestly. Eight months into it & we’re already winning fairly prestigious awards! A big wholehearted thank you to all of the judges out there… and we’ll definitely take your feedback to heart. Now, I’m curious to see how we do with the other competitions… including the SF Homebrewer’s Guild competition results that will be announced at the barbecue in Golden Gate Park this weekend. Fingers crossed on that one but there’s plenty of great competition within the Guild.

 

I also just got back from the SFHG Leadership Meeting to settle everything for the barbecue too... and it's really a great bunch of guys & gals that I get to hang out with... so yeah, really excited about the brewing thing right now... like I've been the past six months but MORE so... cuz now we're award winners.

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for this evening… and this weekend should be pretty EPIC!!! Last weekend before the cruise includes a night of beer-based exploration with some of my coworkers Friday night… the big barbecue on Saturday… and then attempting to avoid Bay to Breakers before an evening with Izzy, Adam Carolla, Mike Rowe & other badasses. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

RIP Harold Ramis

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Saturday, we stopped by the Oak Barrel Homebrew shop in Albany to get a few things for our next few batches. What will they be? Well, one is going to be our first beer entered in a competition (of course if we can stand drinking it but we’ve got a great record thus far). With the SF Homebrewers Guild, they’re having a competition of “American Beers” for around Memorial Day / 4^th of July timeframe… so we checked the beer types that will be permitted… and we’ve decided on… wait for it… a Honey Amber Ale. Devised a pretty damn fine recipe in theory… so we’ll see if we can execute it… and hopefully it turns out pretty damn well. We also got most of the stuff for our next batch after that… a Blood Orange Hefeweizen. The only snag… finding some f**king blood oranges. Time to hit up some farmers markets or something.

 

After that, we headed to Downtown Berkeley (never been) and had lunch and a few drinks at Jupiter. They make some of their own beers & had a few guest taps… but we stuck to their concoctions. The beer was pretty good… and the food was decent too. I can see that place probably gets pretty crazy in the weekend evenings but yeah, pretty nice place. Feel free to check it out if you’re in the area.

 

Sunday was Dizzy’s sister’s birthday up in Lincoln (near Sacramento) and she had recently moved out on her own… so we loaded up some furniture & knick-knacks and brought them up to her as a gift. Along the way though, we stopped by Heretic Brewing for a quick sampling… and of course we shared our growler of CHP (Chocolate Hazelnut Porter) with other at her birthday party… and our brew as well. They were all HUGE hits… but it’s free beer in cow country so… yeah, it was to be expected. We were there for about 7-8 hours before heading back… but it was great hanging with family & friends and just having a great ol’ time. There was even a fellow homebrewer up there that we kinda shot the sh*t with & talked shop… and yes, there was dancing & singing later in the evening. Good times!

 

Dizzy introduced me to a podcast called Nostalgia Critic. She did it a few weeks ago when he reviewed the epic movie classic “Face/Off” during Nicolas Cage Month… and when I found out that he has a regular weekly series that he’s been doing for a few years now… I had some backlogging to checkout. First off, it REALLY doesn’t help that he looks like The Wingman. Secondly, we REALLY have similar tastes in movies, humor & tend to get a little excited / frustrated when we can’t seem to find the right words in our vocabulary to express ourselves. Thirdly, in spite of that, he seems like a pretty nice guy… who occasionally talks sh*t on Hollywood but… let’s face it, hard not to these days. Fourthly, I’d like to think that my Movie Lists (that you haven’t seen steadily in a few years, sorry) would tend to be like his a bit… except that he has some pretty amazing skills at doing the weekly filming of his reviews & always to seem to have a lot of clever insights & perspectives. I can only imagine that it’s a full time job for him… as opposed to my occasional hobby. Anyway, the point that I’m getting at is… check his sh*t out at “That Guy With the Glasses” and check out a few videos. If you don’t like it… then I feel sorry for you. If you do like it, feel free to tell him that I sent ya. Here’s some news…

 

China Update - A Chinese man is attempting to make history by becoming the first person to sue his government over the country’s dangerous levels of air pollution. Li Guixin submitted a complaint to a district court in Hebei province, asking the Shijiazhuang Municipal Environmental Protection Bureau to "perform its duty to control air pollution according to the law,” according to the state-run Chinese language publication Yanzhao Metropolis Daily. On Tuesday, pollution levels in Beijing topped hazardous levels for the sixth straight day, according to the U.S. Embassy pollution monitor. The most recent ratings were literally “beyond index,” meaning they exceeded the already most extreme measurement levels of air pollution. The World Health Organization’s China representative told a briefing in Beijing on Monday that both the government and industries in China need to make a better effort to curb pollution levels across the country. “We have to put more pressure on all of the authorities and all the industry production to improve so we can actually reduce the very heavy pollution,” Bernhard Schwartlander said. The court has not yet decided whether to take up Li’s complaint, but he is still the first known individual in China who has attempted to sue the government over its failure to curb dramatically increasing levels of pollution… and therefore may be silenced in the very near future. Chinese law reportedly makes it difficult for nongovernmental organizations to sue the government or industries over pollution levels. The BBC said higher courts in the country have already rejected Li’s complaint but that the district court is currently deliberating whether or not to take up his case. In addition, Li is asking for compensation for residents who are affected by the pollution. "The reason that I'm proposing administrative compensation is to let every citizen see that amid this haze, we're the real victims," Li told the paper. "Besides the threat to our health, we've also suffered economic losses, and these losses should be borne by the government and the environmental departments.” In his complaint, Li said he has spent money on air purifiers, face masks and even a treadmill so that he can exercise while avoiding going outdoors during levels of extreme air pollution. “Li Guixin couldn’t take a walk or run like in the past as air quality worsened, and he also has to wear a mask now when he goes out,” said Li’s lawyer, Wu Yufen. “His case is relevant for everyone in our city.” Good luck sir! Having been to Beijing… I can confirm… it’s a f**king sh*tstorm of pollution. I was there the one day a year that it rains… so the air was kinda fresh for… about five minutes until the rain stopped… and then it was back to coughing and gagging. I mean… it’s only about 30 million people that live in Beijing so… I can see how it’s not a HUGE problem… but let’s face it. It’s been a highly publicized international issue since the Olympics six years ago… and it’s only getting worse so… again, good luck sir!

   

Marilyn Update - A massive statue of Marilyn Monroe that has turned heads for two years in Palm Springs is headed east. The Riverside Press-Enterprise says the 26-foot-tall, 34,000-pound statue (“That’s a HUGE b**ch!”) will be transported in April from California to Hamilton, N.J., where it will be part of an exhibit honoring its designer, Seward Johnson (dirtiest real name I’ve heard in a while… wait, is it pronounced “Soo-urd” or “Sea-word”). A going away party, open to the public, is planned for March 27. The statue of the "Some Like it Hot" star arrived in the desert resort city in 2012. The sculpture depicts Monroe trying to push down her billowing skirt in her memorable scene in the "Seven Year Itch." The "Forever Marilyn" statue, on loan from The Sculpture Foundation, was previously in Chicago. Palm Springs officials say they hope to eventually lure Marilyn back… but ugh… she’s dead, right? OH! They mean the statue? Oh okay… that’s… probably easier. By the way, is anybody else a little pissed that last year they made about 0.1% of the income that estate for the Megan Fox of the 1950’s did? Just… try not to think about it too much… and make sure there are no sharp objects nearby when/if you do. Anyway, road trip to Palm Springs? Cuz I’m sure not going to Jersey to see it…

 

Gold in Dem Hills - A Northern California couple out walking their dog on their property stumbled across a modern-day bonanza: $10 million in rare, mint-condition gold coins buried in the shadow of an old tree. Nearly all of the 1,427 coins, dating from 1847 to 1894, are in uncirculated, mint condition, said David Hall, co-founder of Professional Coin Grading Service of Santa Ana, which recently authenticated them. Although the face value of the gold pieces only adds up to more than $28,000, some of them are so rare that coin experts say they could fetch nearly $1 million apiece. "I don't like to say once-in-a-lifetime for anything, but you don't get an opportunity to handle this kind of material, a treasure like this, ever," said veteran numismatist Don Kagin, who is representing the finders. "It's like they found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow." Kagin, whose family has been in the rare-coin business for 81 years, would say little about the couple other than that they are husband and wife, are middle-aged and have lived for several years on the rural property in California's Gold Country, where the coins were found. They have no idea who put them there, he said. The pair are choosing to remain anonymous, Kagin said, in part to avoid a renewed gold rush to their property by modern-day prospectors armed with metal detectors. They also don't want to be treated any differently, said David McCarthy, chief numismatist for Kagin Inc. of Tiburon. "Their concern was this would change the way everyone else would look at them, and they're pretty happy with the lifestyle they have today," he said. They plan to put most of the coins up for sale through Amazon while holding onto a few keepsakes. They'll use the money to pay off bills and quietly donate to local charities, Kagin said. Before they sell them, they are loaning some to the American Numismatic Association for its National Money Show, which opens Thursday in Atlanta. What makes their find particularly valuable, McCarthy said, is that almost all of the coins are in near-perfect condition. That means that whoever put them into the ground likely socked them away as soon as they were put into circulation. Because paper money was illegal in California until the 1870s, he added, it's extremely rare to find any coins from before that of such high quality. "It wasn't really until the 1880s that you start seeing coins struck in California that were kept in real high grades of preservation," he said. The coins, in $5, $10 and $20 denominations, were stored more or less in chronological order in six cans, McCarthy said, with the 1840s and 1850s pieces going into one can until it was filed, then new coins going into the next one and the next one after that. The dates and the method indicated that whoever put them there was using the ground as their personal bank and that they weren't swooped up all at once in a robbery. Although most of the coins were minted in San Francisco, one $5 gold piece came from as far away as Georgia. Kagin and McCarthy would say little about the couple's property or its ownership history, other than it's located in Gold Country, a sprawling, picturesque and still lightly populated section of north-central California that stretches along the western slope of the Sierra Nevada. The discovery of gold at Sutter's Mill, about 50 miles northeast of Sacramento, set off the California Gold Rush of 1848. The coins had been buried by a path the couple had walked for years. On the day they found them last spring, the woman had bent over to examine an old rusty can that erosion had caused to pop slightly out of the ground. "Don't be above bending over to check on a rusty can," Kagin said she told him. They were located on a section of the property the couple nicknamed Saddle Ridge, and Kagin is calling the find the Saddle Ridge Hoard. He believes it could be the largest such discovery in U.S. history. One of the largest previous finds of gold coins was $1 million worth uncovered by construction workers in Jackson, Tenn., in 1985. More than 400,000 silver dollars were found in the home of a Reno, Nev., man who died in 1974 and were later sold intact for $7.3 million. Gold coins and ingots said to be worth as much as $130 million were recovered in the 1980s from the wreck of the SS Central America. But historians knew roughly where that gold was because the ship went down off the coast of North Carolina during a hurricane in 1857. So there you go… what seem to be nice people walking their dog… stumble upon a sh*t ton of gold coins and now… I assume just get to continue living their dreams in Gold Country… and probably a BUNCH of trips around the world or Ferraris or whatever on top of it all. Not a bad little story… and queue the crazy wave of new-age prospectors (yes, I’m talking about them joining your dad, Dizzy!).

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for today… this weekend should be a lot of fun… what with a new brew to make (competition quality hopefully), Oktoberfest lager to transfer & our Winter Warmer being ready for tasting… on top of free time to do whatever the hell we want… yeah, it should be fun. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

High Brow Entertainment

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Well, it’s been a pretty standard week thus far. I’ve been trying to avoid getting sick since all of my coworkers insist on working so that everybody can share in their misery… but hey, that’s Corporate America. What’s that? Oh you even have paid time off for sickness & you still show up to work because you have to use that time for other things like hair appointments or random days off? So be it. I can understand. I don’t agree… but I understand the concept. That being said, still like my job & am proud to put in a good day’s work.

Dizzy did something AWESOME the other day!!! She assisted her local microbrewery in brewing up a Double RyePA. She was there by 5:30 AM and… well, I don’t even really have all of the details yet… but I’m sure that she’ll elaborate about it in a future post on our beer blog. What’s that? Oh, you didn’t even know that we HAD a beer blog? How is that possible? I feel like I’ve mentioned it a few times back when we first opened it up… but regardless, the link is below. Please feel free to check it out & Like it or Friend it or whatever so that you get those interesting updates.

Terrible Lizard Brewing at:

http://terriblelizardbrewing.blogspot.com  

Just to elaborate on this blog again (because I’d like some viewership), basically it’s a blog about our adventures in beer. Whether it’s our homebrewing (about to start batch #7 this weekend), books that we’ve heard on the subject, documentaries that we’ve seen, touring large scale breweries, patronizing local establishments, attending festivals & events, all centered around the subject of Beer & Beermaking. We find it interesting… and I kinda think that you will too. If not, it’s probably only because of my piss-poor storytelling abilities… and I’m trying to work on that. I’m always up for suggestions.

Last night, Dizzy & I watched a Netflix movie called “Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury” starring Kevin Sorbo, Danny Trejo… and a host of other great cameos by forgotten stars like Brian Callen, Gary Valentine & even the great Richard Karn (Al from “Home Improvement”). Now, the premise of the movie is pretty ridiculous… so that’s what drew me to it initially… but it’s even better. See… the movie is unfolded as if it were a director’s cut kind of storytelling about the making of the film… as told by the eccentric award-winning, one-eyed possibly maniacal director Saint James St. James (the St. stands for Street). He unfolds his film that… previously was too controversial and too thought-provoking for audiences, so the MPAA denied his distribution or ability for it to be shown in theatres back when it was made in 1990… but luckily, there’s still one surviving VHS tape of the sequel “Poolboy 2: Drowning Out the Fury” as the original was destroyed. Well, “exactly like the Matrix”, you don’t need to see the original to miss out on the story of the sequel… so the story goes. His film is about a Vietnam vet named Sal Bando (Sorbo) who after a traumatic experience, returns home to Los Angeles to find that Mexicans have taken over the pool-cleaning industry… and one has been banging his wife. Well, he doesn’t take kindly to it… and wants to clean up the streets (basically in the most racially insensitive way possible by killing all of the Mexicans in the neighborhood). The kingpin of the pool-cleaning and landscaping cartel (Trejo) finds out… and vows to end this “Poolboy” hero. However… Sal soon finds out… that it’s much DEEPER and more DANGEROUS than he could have possibly imagined. Gripping story, right? Well… it’s obviously a farce… kinda of a National Lampoon’s version of “First Blood” but… with a LOT more ethnic jokes. I highly recommend it as it’s an ode to the horrible cheesy action movies of the 80’s and early 90’s that we all love… but yeah, it’s not going to win any awards… good to see “Hercules”, “Machete” and Al from “Home Improvement” getting work… and I assume if it catches on that the Hispanic community will be up in arms… but until then, enjoy the hell out of it. I personally thought that the director Saint James St. James with his concise delivery & unfathomable ego… connecting with me on a personal level. Go check it out!

Wednesday night I watched another Netflix movie recommended to me by The Wingman called “American Mary” starring Katharine Isabella in the title role of Mary. The story is about a medical student who is going to school to become a surgeon… but while trying to get a new job to pay for it… and kinda stumbling into a somewhat seedy underworld of keeping “roughed-up” guys from not dying… and then into the lucrative world of body modifications… and then being drugged & raped by her professor, she drops the med school thing and basically goes rogue by getting revenge on her professor… and making a LOT of money in the bod mod game. Well, the cops get wind of her from another surgeon rapist (apparently they have big parties like that because they’re surgeons) and the walls are closing in. What’s she to do? They REALLY try to play the whole “girl next door who just wanted to be a surgeon but got swept up in this craziness” and… there was even some poor humor thrown in but… it’s really dark, there’s a lot of extended scenes of surgeries (think “Nip/Tuck” but for about a three-minute montage & more blood as opposed to the 15-second TV ones on that show), some fairly gruesome violent and/or sexual acts though a few things implied, WILD inconsistencies, a LOT of F-bombs given by the professor in class & everybody else in the show for… really no constructive reason other than questionable dialogue, the lead actress is very cute but… not the best actress in the world. I don’t know, I didn’t care for it really. I get that it’s an independent flick and the lines between good & evil are supposed to be blurry (except that all surgeons are serial killing rapists in lab coats apparently) and it wasn’t horrible… but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone really. Now for some news…

 

Speaking of Shit… - A critic of President Francois Hollande and France's ruling elite literally dumped tons of horse manure in front of the national parliament building in Paris on Thursday in a pungent protest against French politics. I like it. "Out with Hollande and the entire political class. Long live the Sixth Republic," read a message on the side of the man's articulated truck. France's present-day Fifth Republic was founded in 1958 with Charles de Gaulle its first president. “The Sixth Republic” is probably some independent French movie coming in the Spring with a lot of pretention & unkempt genital hair… or maybe that’s “The Sixth Re-pubic”. Anyway, the unnamed perpetrator was detained by police before he was able to shed all of his truckload of dung at the steps of the Bourbon Palace, the building that houses the lower house of parliament on the edge of the Seine river in downtown Paris, witnesses said. Authorities began a mass clear-up operation. Hollande, hit by magazine allegations of a love affair with an actress and battling to restore the fortunes of Europe's second-largest economy, has the lowest popularity ratings of any leader in modern-day France. Ah… remember the days when banging a superhot Fritalian model-actress like Carla Bruni while married to somebody else while elected to a public office was not only acceptable, but basically expected? Ah, but it’s no longer 2007 everybody, it’s 2014. What’s that? Oh, the rumor is that former French President Serkozy & Ms. Bruni met shortly after his divorce in 2007? Well, the important thing is that YOU believe that. Still, I like the leaving of horse sh*t on the steps of parliament. Good show, Froggie!

Farming with Urine – Yes, we’re keeping it high-brow on this blog apparently. The Rich Earth Institute (REI) in Battleboro, Vt., is investigating whether human urine can replace chemical fertilizers. We first learned of the technique over at Modern Farmer. The project, which has enlisted well over 100 volunteers to donate their urine, aims to determine if "essential plant nutrients" found in urine, such as nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium, will work as a kind of all-natural fertilizer. It's not as unusual as you might think. Modern Farmer explains that, "Across the Atlantic, studies have long established urine as a powerful fertilizer." The article goes on to cite a study done by the Stockholm Water Company. Via Modern Farmer:

A study conducted by the Stockholm Water Company in the late 1990s diverted urine from four housing projects to a grain farmer outside the city. The scientists concluded not only that urine could replace quick-acting mineral fertilizers, but also calculated that one Northern European adult pees enough plant nutrients to grow 50 to 100 percent of the food requirement for another person. Other successful trials have taken place in China and Mexico, though none as detailed as the Swedish one.

Regardless of the tone of that news clip sounding like a Northern European is peeing on somebody else’s food, I like the sound of those results. National Geographic spoke with researcher Debendra Shrestha of Tribhuvan University in Kathmandu, Nepal, who said that Nepalese farmers have been using human urine on crops for centuries. But does it work? According to National Geographic, it did for Shrestha. Ugh… okay? Well, if it works for… him? Her? Not sure what sex a Debendra is but it sounds feminine. After conducting an experiment that featured sweet peppers grown in soil with different combinations of urine, compost, and urea ― "the main nitrogen-containing chemical in human urine" ― the researchers found that plants grown in soil that "had a combination of human urine and compost grew the tallest, yielded the most peppers, and had the most total fruit weight per plant." That study's results were published in Scientia Horticulturae. Another study investigated the effect that urine and ash had on growing beets. The researchers found that "urine with or without ash can increase the yield of red beet and furthermore the microbial quality and chemical quality were similar to the situation in mineral-fertilized products." Yet another study that focused on tomatoes found similar results. Still, there are questions. As Modern Farmer notes, traces of pharmaceuticals that can show up in urine are also being studied by REI, with the help of two universities… which kinda makes sense, but yeah… I like the results of that. So… go out and pee on somebody’s garden… and if they give you any guff, simply reply with “You’re welcome!!!” Go Green everybody… and I guess Yellow!!!

Death By Wedgie - A 33-year-old Oklahoma man has been charged with killing his stepfather by giving him an "atomic wedgie," that caused the victim to suffocate on his own underwear. First, let that sink in for… just a moment. Okay, I’ll continue. Brad Lee Davis (not to be confused with Bradley Davis) was charged with murder in the death of 58-year-old Denver St. Clair in a drunken family fight at a residence just east of Oklahoma City, the Pottawatomie County Sheriff's Office said in an arrest affidavit obtained on Wednesday. Police arrested Davis on Tuesday. The affidavit said he "grabbed St. Clair's underwear and gave him an 'atomic wedgie.' Davis allegedly pulled the elastic waistband of St. Clair's underwear over his head and around his neck." Oklahoma Medical Examiner spokeswoman Amy Elliott said the cause of death was asphyxiation and blunt force trauma (ugh… wait, what was the 2nd one?). Pottawatomie County Sheriff Deputy Travis Palmer said Davis and St. Clair were drinking beer (my guess is a 24-pack of Coors?) on the night of December 21st at the older man's residence when St. Clair began speaking ill about his wife, who is Davis' mother. One should know that you don’t speak ill about another man’s mama… especially when you’re both drunken rednecks and he’s a quarter-century younger than you. Investigators said St. Clair's elastic waistband was stretched over his head and that it left ligature marks around his neck. Blood splatter was also found in the kitchen, the living room and on the living room ceiling. See? This is where the blunt force trauma thing comes in. Either the wedgie was applied… and then while strangled by his own underwear’s (apparently superstrong) elastic band, he was then bludgeoned by Mr. Davis… or because he was being strangled by his own elastic band, Mr. St. Clair overreacted to the situation… in a drunken stupor… and on the way to the kitchen to grab a knife or something to cut the band… slipped and banged his head on the linoleum (I’m just guessing marble was out of their price range) and boom… blunt force trauma. Will anyone ever really know what happened? Probably not… especially since the only witnesses are the accused & his mother… who apparently was spoken ill of by the departed. Anyway, Davis was being held in Pottawatomie County without bond. His lawyer was not immediately available for comment. Please drink responsibly… especially on that cheap sh*t.

Amsterdam Update – Here’s an interesting idea that’s being partially funded by the Dutch government. The BBC reports that alcoholics are, “being paid in beer to clean the streets of Amsterdam.” For five hours of work, those who have signed on to help clean up the streets get five cans of beer and receive €10 ($13.50). The program is run by De Regenboog Groep (The Rainbow Group), an organization that aims to help those with, “…social problems, the homeless, the poor, drug users and those with psychiatric problems. The organization provides shelter, relief and aid to people in the margins of society.” They see their litter program as, as the BBC put it, a more pragmatic approach. Janet van de Noord, who runs the program, told the BBC, "It's quite difficult to get these people off the alcohol completely. We have tried everything else. Now this is the only thing that works. We might not make them better, but we are giving them a better quality of life and it's better for the neighborhood, they're giving something back to society." There has been already been a noticeable difference in Oosterpark, a large park in Amsterdam in which many alcoholics have resided. The BBC writes that since The Rainbow Group started their efforts, there have been fewer reports of violent crimes and the park is largely litter free. Rene, a 52-year-old man, is one of 20 alcoholics who are participating. He freely admits that the draw is the free beer and doesn’t seem to be close to sobering up, yet he is happy that he is contributing to society. He told the British news station, “They used to treat us like garbage - and now we are picking up their garbage, we are not the garbage anymore.” I personally really like this idea. I’m sure human rights & addiction groups will have their problems with it as it’s not really a solution to the big problem… but at least it’s a solution. When the alternative is them begging for change or committing violent acts to get their beer, then I prefer the idea of giving them a six-pack (or I guess five-pack? Do they take one for themselves?) and a couple Euros for half a day’s work.



Hmm… I wonder if we could get Budweiser to sponsor a program like this here in San Francisco. God knows we have the homeless… damn temperate weather & apparently non-violent working class. I mean… let’s face it, in Los Angeles the cops can beat a homeless man to death on video and be quickly acquitted & almost completely slide under the national radar (as long as the homeless man is of Caucasian descent, but that’s another thing) so it’s either work programs like this into the system… or we have to have SFPD start cracking some heads. Hmm… speaking of crack… if the Budweiser sponsorship doesn’t work out… maybe crack will be the cheap alternative. Damn… I’ve got some great ideas. I should run for office.

Reporter: “Mayor Love, your ‘Filling In the Cracks’ clean-up campaign has caused a lot of controversy. While the results are unquestionable in San Francisco being voted yet again as the Greenest Big City in America, some would question your methods in that you’re using the addictions of others, namely the homeless, to your benefit. What is your response to that?”

Mayor Love: “It’s not MY benefit… it’s OUR benefit, as a community. You see… until we find a solution to the addictions that these people are afflicted with… or they find the ability in themselves to overcome these problems, then I personally like the opportunity to give them a helping hand… and the city is safer because of it.”

Reporter: “Don’t you think that’s more of a direct result of your ‘Crack Down on Crime’ campaign where individuals found selling crack-cocaine outside of a designated work-release center are bludgeoned by the fire department?”

Mayor Love: “Crime is down. Our firefighters are fit & active. Heck, no major fires in the past six months. I can’t take all the credit, it’s mostly today’s technology but… ah heck, you’re welcome everybody!”

Reporter: “And there’s still the controversy concerning the shutdown of one lane on the Golden Gate Bridge… and the email trail between you & one of your top advisors that clearly implicates…”

Mayor Love: “As I’ve told you before… if the unions would’ve headed my warnings about bullsh*tting a bullsh*tter, then it wouldn’t have been an issue. They didn’t play ball… so take it up with them. On another note… HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE? There’s ALWAYS lanes closed… for absolutely no reason… at all. We have an entire multi-billion dollar two-mile stretch of bridge… sitting about 50 yards parallel to a new multi-billion two-mile stretch of bridge… that goes to THE EXACT SAME F**KING SPOT! Fun fact… we’re not using one of those stretches… six lanes each way… and traffic is ridiculous… why? Because we have millions of people in dozens of square miles. You think people move through tubes like they’re in Futurama? Does anybody have any real questions? By the way, is everybody enjoying their beverages? That’s a bourbon barrel porter that I made partnering up with Anchor Steam… it hits shelves on the new city holiday, Love Day, April 26th. THAT should be your lead story. Peace, I’m out…” Drops the mic & walks away…



Yup… Tom Ford & Chris Christie ain’t got sh*t on me. Have a great day everybody!!!

Thanks Be Unto You

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Well, it’s the time of year when we should all be grateful for many, many, many, many things. Here are a few things that top my list:

 

·     My Family – I spent Thanksgiving with basically my new family… and in two weeks’ time I’ll be in Utah with the rest of them for Christmas

 

·     My Friends – I’m glad that I’m apparently able to surround myself with good people wherever I go

 

·     My Lady – She’s amazing… can’t really say enough about her

 

·     My Health – This one has really hit home recently when a few friends & coworkers have been dealt some seriously life-changing blows… and I wish them all a speedy recovery & send them my warmest wishes

 

·     My Mind – Like my health, I’d better enjoy it while I can… family history is less than promising

 

·     My Country – “America… f**k yeah!” Say what you want about the state of absolute decay that it’s going into because of ridiculous leadership on just about all levels… but it’s still better than where over 90% of the rest of the world’s population lives

 

·     Beer – “The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems”

 

Now that we’ve got those major things out of the way… let’s check out the news…

 

The Mad Tipper - Before Aaron Collins died, he gave his brother, Seth, a mission: Eat, be merry and leave a giant tip. On Wednesday night, Seth Collins of Lexington, Kentucky, did just that, leaving a $500 tip for a Friendly's waitress in Springfield, Vermont. It's part of a nationwide tour that Collins is carrying out in the name of his brother, who died in July 2012 at the age of 30. In a story provided by the Eagle Times of Claremont, the Friendly's waitress, Julie Bombria, said she thought she was going to faint after getting the generous tip. "This is the nicest thing anyone has done," she said. In his will, Aaron Collins asked his family to give his money to people in need. His cause of death is still unknown, according to the newspaper. Through his family, he's given away 81 tips throughout the Midwest, Pacific and Mountain West regions and is now in New England. Initially, Seth Collins took family and friends to dinner at a Lexington restaurant, gave their server $500 and recorded it. Aaron's wish was fulfilled but far from over. Seth Collins put a video of his first tipping spree on Facebook and started getting donations from around the world. The total's up to $50,000. "(Aaron) thought it would be a one-shot deal," Collins said. "I was going to do this like three or four times, but people were so compelled that they kept giving money. I'm going to give it back on behalf of my brother." He is on his way to Maine, then he will work his way down through New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and the Mid-Atlantic. "Being on the other side of the table and giving away $500 tips is very rewarding," Collins said. So if you’re on the East Coast, keep your eyes out for Seth. Man, it would be nice to give money like that willy-nilly. It’s a good story about helping others in need… that are really in need…

 

Not just, for example, a heavy-set man standing in a BART station saying, “Five bucks… five bucks… five bucks… lots of people in need… five bucks… five bucks…” I indulged this gentleman (dressed in a suit of course):

 

$teve: “What are you selling?”

Man: “Wha’?”

$teve: “What are you selling for five bucks?”

Man: “Nah man, I’m hungry… and cold. I need five bucks.”

$teve: “Really? Not even messing around with change anymore? Going straight for five bucks?”

Man: “Everything expensive…”

$teve: “Oh I KNOW! Believe me, I KNOW! Well, good luck with that…”

Man: (under his breath) “F**k you!”

$teve: “Happy holidays to you too!”

 

Yes, I know I sound like an asshole… but seriously? Granted there are a LOT of homeless people here in the City… but as I get older, my feelings toward them goes from pity & a longing to help them… to actually having met a few… and that just led to bitter resentment. Some are drunken, belligerent asshats… some are drug addicts… some are mentally unstable… some are honestly just f**king lazy… some are just preying on human emotions to support them… some of them it’s their f**king “job” & they go home to houses better than where I live. True story. Anyway, that’s basically why this next story REALLY irks my gurken…

 

Christmaspocracy - 11-year-old entrepreneur Madison Root was selling bags of hand-picked mistletoe in Oregon’s Portland Saturday Market to help pay for her braces… but was told to stop because she was violating a city code. The young salesperson told KATU 2 news, "I wouldn't think that I'd have any problems because people are asking for money, people are selling stuff, this is a public place." But the private security guard for the Portland Saturday Market said she was violating Chapter 20.12.020, which makes sales without permits illegal. Madison’s father, Ashton Root (I'm assuming either her mother or brother is named Dakota by the way), was with her at the market and told The Oregonian that the guard said she couldn’t even give away the mistletoe and ask for donations… but begging for money would be okay. (LOOPHOLE FOUND! Beg for money… then throw mistletoe at them & call them “Obama’s c**ksucker!” It’s perfectly legal here!) Mark Ross, Portland Parks Bureau spokesperson, explained that begging is a protected form of free speech. "We totally understand the rule…But here she was selling mistletoe and all around her were people playing music for money, or asking for money for pot, or just spare change. We’re allowing people to beg, but not to sell; it seems like there should be some sort of exception,” Ashton said. Madison agreed, “I don't want to beg! I would rather work for something than beg." From a f**king 11 year old... AMERICA!!! After KATU’s original story spread, Madison’s business took off. In just two days orders streamed in, some for 20 or 30 bags of the mistletoe at a time. A fellow entrepreneur, McKenzie Cook, also took notice of Madison’s plight telling the station, "I saw Madison's story on KATU and I was so moved." So moved that McKenzie offered Madison $1000… for one night. Wait, no… sorry, just to help pay for the braces I think. The fellow Oregonian started his business McKenzie Farms, the second largest Christmas tree farm in the country, with no trees and felt, "This girl is what America is all about." Madison launched her own website which is taking donations for her braces fund and her “special cause of supporting the entrepreneurial spirit for kids of all ages.” Thanks to the mistletoe sales and McKenzie Cook’s contribution, Madison recently got her top row of braces. As her business takes off the pre-teen has been making media appearances and is planning an event on December 14th by the Saturday Market called, “Kiss Off Portland.” AMERICA!!! At the event the young entrepreneur will be speaking about making a difference in the city laws. The effort that began to fund her braces became a lesson in civics and Madison has developed her own platform saying, "People should be able to work for money. People should be able to try hard to make a living.” Needless to say, I agree.

 

I feel like I shouldn’t have to elaborate on this… because if you don’t understand the core concept, then there’s probably no way that I’m going to turn you. Mental illness & the physical inability to do something is one reason… but just giving up, not even trying & expecting the world to take care of you… that’s something that I just can’t stand. I’ve had a job since I was 15… and went to school for many years. Granted I had a great family to help set the foundation… but it wasn’t easy. I feel like I’m better for it obviously… and maybe it’s just me… but I see a lot of “kids” nowadays and how entitled they think they are… and it just makes me fearful for the future. Learn a trade… or two… or three. Give more than you’ll get this holiday season… and to people who deserve it… not just because they’re related. Also, don’t just give them sh*t. Give them something that they’d actually use or would be helpful to them. If they roll their eyes or give you guff that they wanted some piece of sh*t, take it back & give them the back of your hand. Okay… maybe not that extreme… but inform them that you care for them & this is a gift because of that… and if they don’t like that, THEN you ask them “What did the five fingers say to the face?” SLAP!!! Whatever… rant over.

 

On that note, I just wanted to wish everybody a HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! Hopefully you find this blog a little helpful… as it’s wrapped with Love & sprinkled with bacon on at least a weekly basis. Have a great day everybody!!!

Daily Fuggle Redactions

d Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

How about some more news? Since I don’t have a lot of exciting stuff going on in my world just this moment...

 

My Kind of Coach - It may be the Preseason WNIT semifinals, but the first round is on Louisville coach Jeff Walz, who said he will buy the first 2,500 beers for of-age fans who attend the No. 5 Cardinals' game against No. 14 LSU on Thursday night. Walz's bar tab will come to $5,000. Assistant sports information director Kim Pemberton told ESPN.com on Wednesday that the promotion will take place and that Walz is paying for the beer with his own money. Fans with proper ID will get a voucher for one beer, which they can get at concession stands. "I tried that once in college, but I only got up to about 400 [people]," Walz joked to the Louisville Courier-Journal. "But no, no, no, I've never done that." The Cardinals' basketball facility -- the KFC Yum! Center -- is off campus, and beer is normally sold there for all games. The school said there are no NCAA compliance issues. "We're just trying to have a little bit of a good time here at the ballgame," Walz told the Courier-Journal. "Make sure you have a designated driver if you want to come and have a few of them. It's a little way to say thanks to all our adults who come and support us, and we're just trying to get some of our fans who haven't come out to come on out one time and get a drink and enjoy the ballgame and hopefully grab the attention of a few more fans." Amy Morgan, Louisville's assistant athletic director for marketing, told the paper that the promotion was Walz's idea. "It shows his commitment to the program and his desire to grow the program and expose as many fans as possible to their play on the court," she said. Two things. First, great idea coach! Were I within a thousand miles of Kentucky, I’d definitely consider coming to see the game. Secondly, wait… is that $2 per beer? Have I really been in San Francisco that long where that sounds like an absolutely STEAL??? Here, if you find $5 beer, you’ve basically found your bastion for nights out on the town… but then again, I’ve become a bit of a beer snob. Still though… like PBR is $3 happy hour specials and stuff like that. Hence… why I’m starting to make my own… and then perhaps sell some down the road once I have an established business… but yeah… great promotion coach! I hope it works out for you & the Lady Cardinals!

 

Toronto Mayor - Toronto's embattled mayor, Rob Ford, insisted on Wednesday he has zero tolerance for drugs and gangs, but also admitted he has bought illegal drugs in the past two years. Let that sink in for a moment. Speaking at a City Council meeting during which members almost unanimously urged him to take a break from his job, Ford said he cannot change his past actions, which include acknowledged use of crack cocaine. But he asserted his intention to continue to work as mayor so he can carry out his promise to save money for Toronto taxpayers. Asked if he had bought illegal drugs in the past two years, he replied somberly: "Yes, I have." Ford, elected in 2010 on a promise to end the City Hall "gravy train", admitted last week that he had smoked crack cocaine in "one of my drunken stupors". Wednesday's call for him to step aside came in council's first meeting since that admission. "Our city's reputation has been damaged and continues to suffer," City Councillor Jaye Robinson read from a non binding petition signed by 30 of the city's 44 councilors, and passed by a vote of 41 to two. "Together we stand to ask you to step aside and take a leave of absence to address your challenges privately outside of the public eye." Right, like that’ll happen now. Councilors will vote later on a separate motion that asks Ford both to take a leave of absence and to apologize for "misleading" Toronto residents… by telling the truth? Council has no power to force the mayor to step down or take a break unless he is convicted of a crime, and Ford insists he has no plans to go, or to seek treatment. "I am not an addict of any sort, so I am not quite sure why you are saying that I need help," he told councilors during an hour-long grilling that centered on his fitness to remain the city's chief magistrate… by the way, at the taxpayer’s expense since we (the royal hypothetical we of Canada) are paying taxes. "I can understand how people would perceive my behavior. The reason I drank or did drugs was not because of stress, it was out of sheer stupidity. That's all it was." As the questions continued, hundreds of protesters gathered outside City Hall, many of them calling on Ford to step down… while millions continued with their daily lives. An Ipsos-Reid poll conducted for several TV and radio stations showed that 76% of Toronto voters think Ford should step down or take a leave of absence, while only 24% agreed with Ford's insistence on staying in his job… but these are among people who didn’t insist they were on a no-call list & to never call them with surveys.  The scandal of the crack-smoking mayor broke six months ago, when the Toronto Star newspaper and media blog Gawker said they had been shown a video of the mayor smoking crack, an allegation that Ford spent six months denying. Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair has since confirmed the video exists, and Ford admitted earlier this month that he had indeed smoked crack. The events brought back memories of the scandal that enveloped former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry after he was filmed smoking crack in 1990 (and reelected a few years later, ‘MERICA!!!). Ford's admission has made him the target of late night-talk show jokes and put the international media interest on Toronto, including extensive coverage of Wednesday's City Hall debate on U.S. networks. Asked on Wednesday if more embarrassing revelations could come, Ford said: "As far as I know... you don't know if people are videoing this or doing that. I don't know what's out there right now. But everything that I'm aware of is out there." Last week, the Star bought a separate video that showed Ford in an expletive-laden rant, making threats to unspecified persons and pounding his hands together. Ford apologized and admitted he was "extremely inebriated". But more information is likely. A Superior Court judge on Wednesday ordered the release of more details from a police investigation that resulted in drug-trafficking and extortion charges against Ford's friend and part-time driver Sandro Lisi. A heavily redacted 474-page file was released two weeks ago and showed police had had the mayor under close surveillance for months, and had recorded numerous meetings with Lisi in parks and other venues. The judge ruled on Wednesday that some of the redacted portions be revealed. Ford said on Wednesday that his lawyer had advised him not to cooperate with police investigations. So… yeah, Toronto’s mayor may be in a bit of hot water… but whatever. The real question is… Is he doing his job? Or rather, was he doing his job well before all this came out & he spent 90% of his day answering reporter’s f**king questions & the other 10% eating ham & smoking crack? What are the results? Do we ever really hold our public officials responsible for their results? If you just spent your entire time at work going around & shaking hands & kissing babies when you were supposed to be helping the economy, infrastructure, schools, etc… wouldn’t you be fired? Yes… maybe if you were smoking crack on the job, that’s usually pretty quick case for HR… but if that’s it, then kick him out… and any other official whose doing this stuff. If not, or there’s no protocol for it, then shut the f**k up & let him do his job. He obviously has work to do in helping run the capital of Canada. “Ey hoser, the capital of Canada is Ottawa, eh!” And the capital of California is Sacramento but who gives a flying f**k??? My point still stands.

 

Navajo Bronze? Burnt Injun? – Two of my favorite things to talk about in this one… Marketing Strategies… and alleged racism. Club Sun Color Studios, a tanning salon based in Alabama raised controversy by posting an ad on its Facebook page promoting a Thanksgiving tanning special they were running. As reported by WPMI Local 15, the ad many find offensive shows a brunette woman dressed in a Native American costume next to a blonde woman with lighter skin dressed in a pilgrim costume. It reads: “The Indians brought more than just ‘corn’ to the first Thanksgiving…they brought Sexy ‘Color!’”

Club Sun Color Studios' controversial Facebook ad

 

I’m not exactly sure why the word ‘corn’ is in quotes, but Club Sun representatives stated that they did not mean to offend the public with their sunless spray tan advertisement. David Arnett, Marketing Director of Club Sun apologized for the ad and said, “I myself am Native American, and I am very proud of my heritage and skin tone. The thought process behind the ad was simply a play on my own ‘sexy color.' Again, I apologize for any offense and misunderstanding." Wait, David Arnett? I’m going to have to Google whether he’s really Native American or not. If so… Alabama? Tanning Salon? Really? Anyway, the ad is now gone from the Club Sun Color Studios Facebook page (yet all over the internet somehow… hmmm… maybe he really is a marketing director). WPMI asked Mobile, Alabama resident Ebony Monigan what she thought about controversy and she said, "Whether he's a Native American, the words still offend people." The station also spoke to Club Sun’s Vice President of Sales, Larry Andrews who said that the message was simply on an “Innocent in-house flyer,” adding, "I think this day and time people look for something to complain about and something to, to stir, stir the pot. I mean, if they would look for more positive things in life we'd have a much better Thanksgiving and holiday season." Despite that statement, Club Sun representatives said that they would be cautious about future ads. Probably a good plan… then again, it’s making the rounds on the website… and I guess they have a point, no matter how offensive it may be… a little melanin tends to give a sexy tone.

 

HOW Is This Surprising? - A two-year-old girl has been severely burned in suburban Atlanta in a freak accident after gasoline poured on an outdoor slide to make it slicker ignited from static electricity, police said on Tuesday. The toddler and her four-year-old sister were playing on a swing set on Saturday when the gasoline was put on the slide (WHAT?), said Keith Brooks, chief deputy of the Walton County Sheriff's Office. Investigators do not know which of the two siblings poured the gasoline (Wait, WHAT??? A 2 year old or a 4 year old poured the gasoline???) but determined, after finding no other ignition source, that static electricity sparked the blaze, Brooks said. "This was a freak accident. It's definitely strange that something like this would happen." ARE YOU F**KING INSANE??? It’s strange… that gasoline would ignite? HOW??? The two-year-old was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Atlanta and put into a medically induced coma to help her cope with the pain from her critical injuries, Brook said. Grady Health System, the hospital where she was taken, declined to comment on her condition on Tuesday. No charges are expected to be filed, the chief deputy said. Sigh… it’s tragic… it’s certainly tragic but… is this a thing? Does this happen at kids parks all over America & I just don’t know about it? “Well $teve, a gallon of gasoline only costs about $4 & it decreases viscosity on the slide so that you can go quicker… like a water slide.” Doesn’t water cost like… five cents a gallon? “Well yeah but… gasoline is much more slickerier… and water evaporates too quickly here in Georgia.” Uh-huh… so because water evaporates faster… and don’t get it twisted, gasoline evaporates too… and it’s vapor is highly explosive… but because water evaporates, you pour highly flammable gasoline on a children’s plaything so that they can slide down at a faster velocity? “Yes’r.” Okay, well… I guess if an adult is handling the gasoline then it’s… “Oh no s’r… the kids tend to handle that all by themselves.” (stunned silence) “I said the kids tend to…” I F**KING HEARD YA!!! Not sure what to say about this story other than to pose a question. We’re smart, right? Human beings? We’re capable of incredible things, right? Highly intelligent & all that? Just checkin’…

 

Batman Update - A Singaporean man with an unusual superhero-like name turned out to be a villain who consumed drugs and stole from his brother. Batman bin Suparman, which means Batman son of Suparman in the Malay language, was jailed on Monday for two years and nine months for various offences including stealing his brother's automated teller machine card to make withdrawals, media reported. The 23-year-old unemployed man had also broken into the office of a firm in western Singapore to steal money and taken heroin. Batman, who has his own fan club on Facebook, became a social media sensation after an image of his identity card with his unusual name was circulated online. You’ve all seen it. Keep your eyes out for a Tosh.0 Web Redemption down the road… I’m guessing at Six Flags over Singapore or something with the DC Comic characters involved in an intervention. It could happen. Stay away from heroin kids… it can even turn Batman and/or Superman into a pitiful being turnin’ tricks to get their next fix. Hmm… I think I just had an idea for an interesting spin-off… The Dark Knight Sniffs starring a coked-out Bruce Wayne. Patent pending.

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for tonight. Have a great day everybody!!!

Daily Fuggle

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Tuesday & Thursday nights, I hung out with Dizzy, her mom & her aunts… Tuesday we had a nice impromptu dinner at the aunt’s house… and then Thursday they came into the city and we had a few brews & dinner at Rogue Ales Public House. Aside from that, not a whole lot to report on… except maybe some NEWS!!!

 

Reamed by the Man - A New Mexico man has filed a lawsuit claiming police subjected him to repeated anal probes and enemas after a routine traffic stop because they suspected he was hiding drugs. David Eckert, 54, claims violations of his civil rights in the lawsuit, which was filed in U.S. District Court in New Mexico in August but not made public until this week, his lawyers said on Wednesday. "This suit is about stopping officers and doctors from subjecting people in their custody and control to unlawful sadistic medical procedures that violate the most intimate parts of the human body," attorney Shannon Kennedy said (man or woman this Shannon Kennedy?). The legal action stems from Eckert's treatment by police after he was pulled over in January for failing to come to a complete stop while exiting a Wal-Mart parking lot in Deming, New Mexico. Officers suspected that he was hiding drugs in his anus, based on the way he was standing and the fact that a police dog alerted to his driver's seat, and obtained a search warrant "to include but not limited to (plaintiff's) anal cavity," according to the lawsuit. After a medical facility in Deming refused to carry out the procedures, Eckert was taken to Gila Regional Medical Center in nearby Silver City, the lawsuit says, where he was forced to undergo eight searches - including digital penetration of his anus, three enemas, two X-rays and a colonoscopy. So… two… maybe THREE searches wasn’t enough? Ultimately, no drugs were found, according to the complaint, which says that the Gila Regional Medical Center billed Eckert for the services it performed. Yup, that’s the best part in my opinion… he got billed for his own institutional rape… just like anything else involving the police or government. Named in the lawsuit are the city of Deming, its police department, officers involved in the incident and the Gila Regional Medical Center. Representatives for the Deming Police Department and the Gila Regional Medical Center could not be reached for comment on Wednesday. Deming Police Chief Brandon Gigante told local KOB-TV, "We follow the law in every aspect and we follow policies and protocols that we have in place." Don’t worry, I suspect that we’ll all be paying for the police’s mistakes yet again through tax dollars.

 

Zombies & Other Crazy Stuff - A California man shot dead after breaking into a young family's suburban home over the weekend had ranted about zombies hours before he showed up screaming threats in their backyard and smashed into their house, authorities said on Monday. The Orange County Sheriff's department said that 22-year-old Paul Michael Bracamontes was killed in the affluent community of Yorba Linda by a homeowner who awoke before dawn on Sunday to find him screaming in the backyard. The homeowner, whose wife and infant were inside the house, shot Bracamontes after he broke in through a glass door before police were able to respond to an emergency call, authorities said. "He was making threats to harm the homeowners and said that there were five more people out front that were going to harm them," Lieutenant Jeff Hallock of the Orange County Sheriff's Department said. "We're sure those other people didn't exist." Great police work. Hallock said the man's relatives told authorities that he had been hallucinating at a party on Saturday evening and had made several "inappropriate" comments about zombies to a family member. I’m curious what appropriate comments about zombies would be in this situation. Hallock said, "He indicated that he needed or wanted a gun before leaving the party. The next thing they knew, he was gone and that was the last they heard or saw of him." Hallock would not say how many shots were fired (hopefully at least two full clips with at least two more in case the five other guys existed) but confirmed the gun used was registered to the homeowner, who he said was "very upset" about the incident. Authorities said the homeowner would not be charged because he acted in self defense (at least they got that right). Authorities were looking into whether drugs or alcohol may have been involved… or Bracamontes was just ass crackers crazy. Hallock could not say if Bracamontes had a history of mental illness… but at the same time, think about how many certifiably insane people you know that don’t have a documented history of mental illness simply because nobody cares to fill out the paperwork & pay the fees associated with it. The couple told deputies they did not know Bracamontes. The Los Angeles Times reported that Orange County Superior Court records show that Bracamontes was charged with public intoxication in January 2013, but the case was dismissed in April. Food for thought about mental health awareness… but I don’t think they have their month yet.

 

Platypus Update - Thanks to a large ancient tooth, an Australian university student has filled in an evolutionary gap with a giant carnivorous platypus that became extinct at least 5 million years ago. That’s right… coming to a SyFy Channel near you… it’s a giant carnivorous prehistoric platypus in… “PLAT-ATTACK!!!” Working title. Before the discovery, fossil records suggested only one species of platypus inhabited the Earth at any one time, with the creatures becoming smaller and the size of their teeth reducing through time. "A new platypus species, even one that is highly incomplete, is a very important aid in developing understanding about these fascinating mammals," palaeontology student Rebecca Pian said in a statement. Pian was working on a collection of fossil deposits from the Riversleigh World Heritage Area in northern Australia when she discovered the species through a highly distinctive oversized tooth. Details will be published this month in the Journal of Vertebrate Palaeontology. Based on the size of the tooth, the extinct species was probably about a metre (39 inches) long, nearly three times the 38 cm length of the modern platypus. Named "Obdurodon tharalkooschild", it was identified in a deposit that has not been dated yet but is likely to be between 5 million and 15 million years old. "Rebecca was the first one to realize there was a monster hiding among the normal fossil platypuses," Professor Mike Archer from the University New South Wales told Reuters. "This was a very dangerous animal. If people had been around at this time, you would want to see signs posted at the pool saying 'Don't swim here: Gigantic monstrous human-eating platypus'." Gotta love those Aussies & their sense of humor… sorry, humour. While the furry mammals with the duck-like bills give a cute and cuddly impression, male platypuses have spurs on their hind legs that inject a ferocious poison. Today the platypus is endemic to eastern Australia, including Tasmania, but Obdurodon tharalkooschild inhabited South America, Antarctica, north and central Australia. The paper that will be published next week was co-written by Pian, Archer and Associate Professor Suzanne Hand of the University of New South Wales. If you thought platypus was Nature’s Clusterf**k before… now just imagine them over three feet long, weighing a few hundred pounds and thirsting for manflesh! That’s some crazy Lord of the Rings sh*t right there!

 

World Without Ice – This article hyperlink is pretty cool… it’s an overhead map view of what the planet would look like if all the world’s ice at the caps melted and the seas rose 216 feet. Florida & most of Louisiana would be gone… and there’s be a huge bay formerly known as central California bread basket. Other fun things… London, Venice, Amsterdam, Bangladesh, Antartica, homes of over 600 million Chinese, all gone. Australia would also have a nice sea right in the middle of it. Anyway, click on the link & check out some of the pictures… pretty interesting I think.

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for today’s news updated. Have a great day everybody!!!